Whiskaboom
by Alan Arkin · English · Gutenberg #51132 · 29,421 chars · public domain (US)
The Project Gutenberg eBook of Whiskaboom
This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and
most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online
at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States,
you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located
before using this eBook.
Title: Whiskaboom
Author: Alan Arkin
Illustrator: Diehl
Release date: February 5, 2016 [eBook #51132]
Most recently updated: October 22, 2024
Language: English
Other information and formats: www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/51132
Credits: Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online
Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WHISKABOOM ***
Whiskaboom
By ALAN ARKIN
Illustrated by DIEHL
[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from
Galaxy Science Fiction August 1955.
Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that
the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]
Jack's blunder was disastrous, but what he
worried about was: would Einstein have approved?
Dear Mr. Gretch:
Mrs. Burroughs and I are sending your son Jack to you because we do not
know what else to do with him. As you can see, we can't keep him with
us in his present condition.
Also, Jack owes us two weeks rent and, since Mrs. Burroughs and I are
retired, we would appreciate your sending the money. It has been a dry
year and our garden has done poorly.
The only reason we put up with your son in the first place was because
we are so hard-pressed.
He saw the sign on the porch, rang the bell and paid Mrs. Burroughs a
month's rent without even looking at the room. Then he ran out to his
car and commenced pulling out suitcases and boxes and dragging them
upstairs.
After the third trip, Mrs. Burroughs saw he was having trouble with
the stuff and he looked kind of worn out, so she offered to help.
He gave her a hard look, as she described it to me when I got home. He
said, "I don't want anyone touching anything. Please don't interfere."
"I didn't mean to interfere," my wife told him. "I only wanted to help."
"I don't want any help," he said quietly, but with a wild look in his
eye, and he staggered upstairs with the last of his baggage and locked
the door.
* * * * *
When I got home, Mrs. Burroughs told me she thought I ought to take
a look at the new boarder. I went up, thinking we'd have a little
chat and straighten things out. I could hear him inside, hammering on
something.
He didn't hear my first knock or the second. I got sore and nearly
banged the door down, at which time he decided to open up.
I charged in, ready to fight a bear. And there was this skinny
red-headed son of yours glaring at me.
"That's a lot of hammering you're doing, son," I said.
"That's the only way I can get these boxes open, and don't call me son."
"I don't like to disturb you, Mr. Gretch, but Mrs. Burroughs is a
little upset over the way you acted today. I think you ought to come
down for a cup of tea and get acquainted."
"I know I was rude," he said, looking a little ashamed, "but I have
waited for years for a chance to get to work on my own, with no
interference. I'll come down tomorrow, when I have got my equipment set
up, and apologize to Mrs. Burroughs then."
I asked him what he was working on, but he said he would explain later.
Before I got out of the door, he was hammering again. He worked till
after midnight.
We saw Jack at mealtimes for the next few days, but he didn't talk
much. We learned that he was twenty-six, in spite of his looking like a
boy in his teens, that he thought Prof. Einstein the greatest man ever,
and that he disliked being called son. Of his experiment, he didn't
have much to say then. He saw Mrs. Burroughs was a little nervous about
his experimenting in the guest room and he assured her it was not
dangerous.
Before the week was out, we started hearing the noises. The first one
was like a wire brush going around a barrel. It went _whisk, whisk_.
Then he rigged up something that went _skaboom_ every few seconds, like
a loud heartbeat. Once in a while, he got in a sound like a creaky
well pump, but mostly it was _skaboom_ and _whisk_, which eventually
settled down to a steady rhythm, _whiskaboom, whiskaboom_.
It was kind of pleasant.
* * * * *
Neither of us saw him for two days. The noises kept going on. Mrs.
Burroughs was alarmed because he did not answer her knock at mealtimes,
and one morning she charged upstairs and hollered at him through the
door.
"You stop your nonsense this minute and come down to breakfast!"
"I'm not hungry," he called back.
"You open this door!" she ordered and, by George, he did. "Your
_whiskaboom_ or whatever it is will keep till after breakfast."
He sat at the table, but he was a tired boy. He had a cold, his eyelids
kept batting, and I don't believe he could have lifted his coffee cup.
He tried to look awake, and then over he went with his face in the
oatmeal.
Mrs. Burroughs ran for the ammonia, but he was out cold, so we wiped
the oatmeal off his face and carried him upstairs.
My wife rubbed Jack's wrists with garlic and put wet towels on his
face, and presently he came to. He looked wildly about the room at his
machinery. It was all there, and strange-looking stuff, too.
"Please go away," he begged. "I've got work to do."
Mrs. Burroughs helped him blow his nose. "There'll be no work for you,
sonny. Not until you're well. We'll take care of you." He didn't seem
to mind being called sonny.
He was sick for a week and we tended him like one of our own. We got to
know him pretty well. And we also got to know you.
Now, Mr. Gretch, whatever you are doing in your laboratory is your own
business. You could be making atomic disintegrators, for all Jack told
us. But he does not like or approve of it and he told us about your
running battle with him to keep him working on your project instead of
his own.
Jack tried to explain his ideas for harnessing time and what he called
"the re-integration principle." It was all so much _whiskaboom_ to us,
so to speak, but he claimed it was for the good of mankind, which was
fine with us.
But he said you would not let him work it out because there was less
money in it than in your project, and this is why he had to get away
and work and worry himself into a collapse.
When he got well, Mrs. Burroughs told him, "From now on, you're going
to have three meals a day and eight hours sleep, and in between you can
play on your _whiskaboom_ all you please."
The _whiskabooming_ became as familiar to us as our own voices.
Last Sunday, Mrs. Burroughs and I came home from church, about noon.
She went inside through the front door to fix dinner. I walked around
the house to look at the garden. And the moment I walked past the front
of the house, I got the shock of my life.
The house disappeared!
* * * * *
I was too surprised to stop walking, and a step later I was standing at
the back of the house, and it was all there. I took a step back and the
whole house vanished again. One more step and I was at the front.
It looked like a real house in front and in back, but there wasn't any
in-between. It was like one of those false-front saloons on a movie
lot, but thinner.
I thought of my wife, who had gone into the kitchen and, for all I
knew, was as thin as the house, and I went charging in the back door,
yelling.
"Are you all right?"
"Of course I'm all right," she said. "What's the matter with you?"
I grabbed her and she was all there, thank heavens. She giggled and
called me an old fool, but I dragged her outside and showed her what
had happened to our house.
She saw it, too, so I knew I didn't have sunstroke, but she couldn't
understand it any better than I.
Right about then, I detected a prominent absence of _whiskabooming_.
"Jack!" I hollered, and we hurried back into the house and upstairs.
Well, Mr. Gretch, it was so pitiful, I can't describe it. He was there,
but I never saw a more miserable human being. He was not only thin but
also flat, like a cartoon of a man who had been steamrollered. He was
lying on the bed, holding onto the covers, with no more substance to
him than a thin piece of paper. Less.
Mrs. Burroughs took one of his shoulders between her thumb and
forefinger, and I took the other, and we held him up. There was a
breeze coming through the window and Jack--well, he waved in the breeze.
We closed the window and laid him down again and he tried to explain
what had happened. "Professor Einstein wouldn't have liked this!" he
moaned. "Something went wrong," he cried, shuddering.
He went on gasping and mumbling, and we gathered that he had hooked up
a circuit the wrong way. "I didn't harness the fourth--I chopped off
the third dimension! Einstein wouldn't have approved!"
He was relieved to learn that the damage had been confined to himself
and the house, so far as we knew. Like the house, Jack had insides, but
we don't know where they are. We poured tea down him, and he can eat,
after a fashion, but there never is a sign of a lump anywhere.
* * * * *
That night, we pinned him to the bed with clothespins so he wouldn't
blow off the bed. Next morning, we rigged a line and pinned him to it
so he could sit up.
"I know what to do," he said, "but I would have to go back to the lab.
Dad would have to let me have his staff and all sorts of equipment. And
he won't do it."
"If he thinks more of his money than he does of his own son," Mrs.
Burroughs said, "then he's an unnatural father."
But Jack made us promise not to get in touch with you.
Still, people are beginning to talk. The man from the electric company
couldn't find the meter yesterday, because it is attached to the middle
of the outside wall and has vanished.
Mr. Gretch, we are parents and we feel that you will not hesitate a
moment to do whatever is necessary to get Jack back into shape. So,
despite our promise, we are sending Jack to you by registered parcel
post, air mail. He doesn't mind the cardboard mailing tube he is rolled
up in as he has been sleeping in it, finding it more comfortable than
being pinned to the sheets.
Jack is a fine boy, sir, and we hope to hear soon that he is back to
normal and doing the work he wants to do.
Very truly yours,
W. Burroughs
P.S. When Jack figures out the re-integration principle, we would
appreciate his fixing our house. We get along as usual, but it makes us
nervous to live in a house that, strictly speaking, has no insides. W.B.
*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WHISKABOOM ***
Updated editions will replace the previous one—the old editions will
be renamed.
Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright
law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works,
so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United
States without permission and without paying copyright
royalties. Special rules, set forth in the General Terms of Use part
of this license, apply to copying and distributing Project
Gutenberg™ electronic works to protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG™
concept and trademark. Project Gutenberg is a registered trademark,
and may not be used if you charge for an eBook, except by following
the terms of the trademark license, including paying royalties for use
of the Project Gutenberg trademark. If you do not charge anything for
copies of this eBook, complying with the trademark license is very
easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose such as creation
of derivative works, reports, performances and research. Project
Gutenberg eBooks may be modified and printed and given away—you may
do practically ANYTHING in the United States with eBooks not protected
by U.S. copyright law. Redistribution is subject to the trademark
license, especially commercial redistribution.
START: FULL LICENSE
THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG™ LICENSE
PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK
To protect the Project Gutenberg™ mission of promoting the free
distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work
(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase “Project
Gutenberg”), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full
Project Gutenberg License available with this file or online at
www.gutenberg.org/license.
Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg
electronic works
1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg
electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to
and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property
(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all
the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or
destroy all copies of Project Gutenberg electronic works in your
possession. If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a
Project Gutenberg electronic work and you do not agree to be bound
by the terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person
or entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8.
1.B. “Project Gutenberg” is a registered trademark. It may only be
used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who
agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few
things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg electronic works
even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See
paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project
Gutenberg electronic works if you follow the terms of this
agreement and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg
electronic works. See paragraph 1.E below.
1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation (“the
Foundation” or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection
of Project Gutenberg electronic works. Nearly all the individual
works in the collection are in the public domain in the United
States. If an individual work is unprotected by copyright law in the
United States and you are located in the United States, we do not
claim a right to prevent you from copying, distributing, performing,
displaying or creating derivative works based on the work as long as
all references to Project Gutenberg are removed. Of course, we hope
that you will support the Project Gutenberg mission of promoting
free access to electronic works by freely sharing Project Gutenberg
works in compliance with the terms of this agreement for keeping the
Project Gutenberg name associated with the work. You can easily
comply with the terms of this agreement by keeping this work in the
same format with its attached full Project Gutenberg License when
you share it without charge with others.
1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern
what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are
in a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States,
check the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this
agreement before downloading, copying, displaying, performing,
distributing or creating derivative works based on this work or any
other Project Gutenberg work. The Foundation makes no
representations concerning the copyright status of any work in any
country other than the United States.
1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg:
1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other
immediate access to, the full Project Gutenberg License must appear
prominently whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg work (any work
on which the phrase “Project Gutenberg” appears, or with which the
phrase “Project Gutenberg” is associated) is accessed, displayed,
performed, viewed, copied or distributed:
This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most
other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions
whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms
of the Project Gutenberg™ License included with this eBook or online
at www.gutenberg.org. If you
are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws
of the country where you are located before using this eBook.
1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg electronic work is
derived from texts not protected by U.S. copyright law (does not
contain a notice indicating that it is posted with permission of the
copyright holder), the work can be copied and distributed to anyone in
the United States without paying any fees or charges. If you are
redistributing or providing access to a work with the phrase “Project
Gutenberg” associated with or appearing on the work, you must comply
either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 or
obtain permission for the use of the work and the Project Gutenberg
trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg electronic work is posted
with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution
must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any
additional terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms
will be linked to the Project Gutenberg License for all works
posted with the permission of the copyright holder found at the
beginning of this work.
1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg
License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this
work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg.
1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this
electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without
prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with
active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project
Gutenberg License.
1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary,
compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including
any word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access
to or distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg work in a format
other than “Plain Vanilla ASCII” or other format used in the official
version posted on the official Project Gutenberg website
(www.gutenberg.org), you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense
to the user, provide a copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means
of obtaining a copy upon request, of the work in its original “Plain
Vanilla ASCII” or other form. Any alternate format must include the
full Project Gutenberg License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1.
1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying,
performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg works
unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9.
1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing
access to or distributing Project Gutenberg electronic works
provided that:
• You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from
the use of Project Gutenberg works calculated using the method
you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is owed
to the owner of the Project Gutenberg trademark, but he has
agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the Project
Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments must be paid
within 60 days following each date on which you prepare (or are
legally required to prepare) your periodic tax returns. Royalty
payments should be clearly marked as such and sent to the Project
Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the address specified in
Section 4, “Information about donations to the Project Gutenberg
Literary Archive Foundation.”
• You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies
you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he
does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg™
License. You must require such a user to return or destroy all
copies of the works possessed in a physical medium and discontinue
all use of and all access to other copies of Project Gutenberg™
works.
• You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of
any money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the
electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days of
receipt of the work.
• You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free
distribution of Project Gutenberg™ works.
1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project
Gutenberg™ electronic work or group of works on different terms than
are set forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing
from the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the manager of
the Project Gutenberg™ trademark. Contact the Foundation as set
forth in Section 3 below.
1.F.
1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable
effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread
works not protected by U.S. copyright law in creating the Project
Gutenberg™ collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg™
electronic works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may
contain “Defects,” such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate
or corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other
intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or
other medium, a computer virus, or computer codes that damage or
cannot be read by your equipment.
1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the “Right
of Replacement or Refund” described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project
Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project
Gutenberg™ trademark, and any other party distributing a Project
Gutenberg™ electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all
liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal
fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT
LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE
PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE
TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE
LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR
INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH
DAMAGE.
1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a
defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can
receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a
written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you
received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium
with your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you
with the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in
lieu of a refund. If you received the work electronically, the person
or entity providing it to you may choose to give you a second
opportunity to receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If
the second copy is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing
without further opportunities to fix the problem.
1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth
in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you ‘AS-IS’, WITH NO
OTHER WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT
LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE.
1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied
warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of
damages. If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement
violates the law of the state applicable to this agreement, the
agreement shall be interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or
limitation permitted by the applicable state law. The invalidity or
unenforceability of any provision of this agreement shall not void the
remaining provisions.
1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the
trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone
providing copies of Project Gutenberg™ electronic works in
accordance with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the
production, promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg™
electronic works, harmless from all liability, costs and expenses,
including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of
the following which you do or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this
or any Project Gutenberg work, (b) alteration, modification, or
additions or deletions to any Project Gutenberg work, and (c) any
Defect you cause.
Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg
Project Gutenberg is synonymous with the free distribution of
electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of
computers including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It
exists because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations
from people in all walks of life.
Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the
assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg’s
goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg collection will
remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project
Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure
and permanent future for Project Gutenberg and future
generations. To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary
Archive Foundation and how your efforts and donations can help, see
Sections 3 and 4 and the Foundation information page at www.gutenberg.org.
Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation
The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non-profit
501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the
state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal
Revenue Service. The Foundation’s EIN or federal tax identification
number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg Literary
Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent permitted by
U.S. federal laws and your state’s laws.
The Foundation’s business office is located at 41 Watchung Plaza #516,
Montclair NJ 07042, USA, +1 (862) 621-9288. Email contact links and up
to date contact information can be found at the Foundation’s website
and official page at www.gutenberg.org/contact
Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg
Literary Archive Foundation
Project Gutenberg™ depends upon and cannot survive without widespread
public support and donations to carry out its mission of
increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be
freely distributed in machine-readable form accessible by the widest
array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations
($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt
status with the IRS.
The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating
charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United
States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a
considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up
with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations
where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To SEND
DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any particular state
visit www.gutenberg.org/donate.
While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we
have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition
against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who
approach us with offers to donate.
International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make
any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from
outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff.
Please check the Project Gutenberg web pages for current donation
methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other
ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. To
donate, please visit: www.gutenberg.org/donate.
Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg electronic works
Professor Michael S. Hart was the originator of the Project
Gutenberg concept of a library of electronic works that could be
freely shared with anyone. For forty years, he produced and
distributed Project Gutenberg eBooks with only a loose network of
volunteer support.
Project Gutenberg eBooks are often created from several printed
editions, all of which are confirmed as not protected by copyright in
the U.S. unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not
necessarily keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper
edition.
Most people start at our website which has the main PG search
facility: www.gutenberg.org.
This website includes information about Project Gutenberg,
including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary
Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to
subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks.
Showing first 200,000 characters. Full text: gutenberg.org/ebooks/51132