A Christian Directory, Part 2: Christian Economics
by Richard Baxter · English · Gutenberg #43800 · 1,132,309 chars · public domain (US)
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Title: A Christian Directory, Part 2: Christian Economics
Author: Richard Baxter
Release date: September 23, 2013 [eBook #43800]
Most recently updated: October 23, 2024
Language: English
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*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A CHRISTIAN DIRECTORY, PART 2: CHRISTIAN ECONOMICS ***
Transcriber's Note:
The text of Part II of A Christian Directory (or, a sum of Practical
Theology and Cases of Conscience) has been transcribed from pages 394
to 547 of Volume I of Baxter's Practical Works, as lithographed from
the 1846 edition. Part II addresses family duties. A table of contents
has been inserted to assist the reader.
Small capitals have been rendered in full capitals. Italics are
indicated by _underscores_. Sidenotes refer to the following
paragraph.
Inconsistencies in hyphenation, and apparent typographical errors
(both English and Greek), have been corrected. The anchor for
footnote 34, in chapter XIII, has been inserted after consulting another
edition of the text.
The table in Chapter XXIII, that presents the structure of the
Lord's Prayer, contains numerous braces that extend over several lines
and cannot be reproduced here. Instead horizontal lines have been
inserted to clarify its structure.
PART II.
CHRISTIAN ECONOMICS:
OR,
THE FAMILY DIRECTORY, CONTAINING DIRECTIONS FOR THE TRUE PRACTICE OF
ALL DUTIES BELONGING TO FAMILY RELATIONS, WITH THE APPURTENANCES.
Table of Contents
Page
I. Directions about marriage; for choice and contract. 394
II. Directions for the right choice of servants and masters. 407
III. A disputation, or arguments to prove the necessity of
family worship and holiness, or directions against the
cavils of the profane, and some sectaries, who deny it
to be a thing required by God. 409
IV. General directions for the holy government of families. 422
V. Special motives to persuade men to the holy governing of
their families. 424
VI. More special motives for a holy and careful education of
children. 427
VII. The mutual duties of husbands and wives towards each other. 431
VIII. The special duties of husbands to their wives. 438
IX. The special duties of wives to husbands. 440
X. The duties of parents for their children. 449
XI. The special duties of children towards their parents. 454
XII. The special duties of children and youth towards God. 457
XIII. The duties of servants to their masters. 458
XIV. The duties of masters towards their servants. 460
XV. The duties of children and fellow-servants to one another. 463
XVI. Directions for holy conference of fellow-servants or
others. 464
XVII. Directions for each particular member of the family how to
spend every ordinary day of the week. 466
XVIII. Directions for the order of holy duties. 470
XIX. Directions for profitable hearing the word preached. 473
XX. Directions for profitable reading the holy scriptures. 477
XXI. Directions for reading other books. 478
XXII. Directions for the right teaching of children and servants,
so as may be most likely to have success. 479
XXIII. Directions for prayer in general. 483
XXIV. Brief directions for families, about the sacrament of
the body and blood of Christ. 493
XXV. Directions for fearful, troubled christians, that
are perplexed with doubts of their sincerity and
justification. 502
XXVI. Directions for declining or backsliding christians:
and about perseverance. 505
XXVII. Directions for the poor. 514
XXVIII. Directions for the rich. 517
XXIX. Directions for the aged (and weak). 519
XXX. Directions for the sick. 522
XXXI. Directions to the friends of the sick, that are about them. 534
CHAPTER I.
DIRECTIONS ABOUT MARRIAGE; FOR CHOICE AND CONTRACT.
AS the persons of christians in their privatest capacities are holy,
as being dedicated and separated unto God, so also must their families
be: HOLINESS TO THE LORD must be as it were written on their doors,
and on their relations, their possessions, and affairs. To which it is
requisite, 1. That there be a holy constitution of their families. 2.
And a holy government of them, and discharge of the several duties of
the members of the family. To the right constituting of a family,
belongeth, (1.) The right contracting of marriage, and, (2.) The
right choice and contract betwixt masters and their servants. For the
first,
_Direct._ I. Take heed that neither lust nor rashness do thrust
you into a married condition, before you see such reasons to invite
you to it, as may assure you of the call and approbation of God. For,
1. It is God that you must serve in your married state, and therefore
it is meet that you take his counsel before you rush upon it; for he
knoweth best himself what belongeth to his service. 2. And it is God
that you must still depend upon, for the blessing and comforts of your
relation: and therefore there is very great reason that you take his
advice and consent, as the chief things requisite to the match: if the
consent of parents be necessary, much more is the consent of God.
_Quest._ But how shall a man know whether God call him to
marriage, or consent unto it? Hath he not here left all men to their
liberties, as in a thing indifferent?
[Sidenote: Whether marriage be indifferent.]
_Answ._ God hath not made any universal law commanding or
forbidding marriage; but in this regard hath left it indifferent to
mankind: yet not allowing all to marry (for undoubtedly to some it is
unlawful). But he hath by other general laws or rules directed men to
know, in what cases it is lawful, and in what cases it is a sin. As
every man is bound to choose that condition in which he may serve God
with the best advantages, and which tendeth most to his spiritual
welfare, and increase in holiness. Now there is nothing in marriage
itself which maketh it commonly inconsistent with these benefits, and
the fulfilling of these laws: and therefore it is said, that "he that
marrieth doth well,"[1] that is, he doth that which of itself is not
unlawful, and which to some is the most eligible state of life. But
there is something in a single life which maketh it, especially to
preachers and persecuted christians, to be more usually the most
advantageous state of life, to these ends of christianity; and
therefore it is said, that "he that marrieth not, doth better." And
yet to individual persons, it is hard to imagine how it can choose but
be either a duty or a sin; at least except in some unusual cases. For
it is a thing of so great moment as to the ordering of our hearts and
lives, that it is hard to imagine that it should ever be indifferent
as a means to our main end, but must either be a very great help or
hinderance. But yet if there be any persons whose case may be so
equally poised with accidents on both sides, that to the most
judicious man it is not discernible, whether a single or married state
of life is like to conduce more to their personal holiness or public
usefulness, or the good of others, to such persons marriage in the
individual circumstantiated act is a thing indifferent.
[Sidenote: Who are called to marry.]
By these conditions following you may know, what persons have a call
from God to marry, and who have not his call or approbation. 1. If
there be the peremptory will or command of parents to children that
are under their power and government, and no greater matter on the
contrary to hinder it, the command of parents signifieth the command
of God: but if parents do but persuade and not command, though their
desires must not be causelessly refused, yet a smaller impediment may
preponderate than in case of a peremptory command. 2. They are called
to marry who have not the gift of continence, and cannot by the use
of lawful means attain it, and have no impediment which maketh it
unlawful to them to marry. "But if they cannot contain, let them
marry; for it is better to marry than to burn," 1 Cor. vii. 9. But
here the divers degrees of the urgent and the hindering causes must be
compared, and the weightiest must prevail. For some that have very
strong lusts may yet have stronger impediments: and though they cannot
keep that chastity in their thoughts as they desire, yet in such a
case they must abstain. And there is no man but may keep his body in
chastity if he will do his part: yea, and thoughts themselves, may be
commonly, and for the most part, kept pure, and wanton imaginations
quickly checked, if men be godly, and will do what they can. But on
the other side, there are some that have a more tameable measure of
concupiscence, and yet have no considerable hinderance, whose duty it
may be to marry, as the most certain and successful means against that
small degree, as long as there is nothing to forbid it. 3. Another
cause that warranteth marriage is, when upon a wise casting up of all
accounts, it is apparently most probable that in a married state, one
may be most serviceable to God and the public good: that there will be
in it greater helps and fewer hinderances to the great ends of our
lives; the glorifying of God, and the saving of ourselves and others.
And whereas it must be expected that every condition should be more
helpful to us in one respect, and hinder us more in another respect;
and that in one we have most helps for a contemplative life, and in
another we are better furnished for an active, serviceable life, the
great skill therefore in the discerning of our duties, lieth in the
prudent pondering and comparing of the commodities and discommodities,
without the seduction of fantasy, lust, or passion, and in a true
discerning which side it is that hath the greatest weight.[2]
[Sidenote: Observations.]
Here it must be carefully observed, 1. That the two first reasons for
marriage, (concupiscence and the will of parents,) or any such like,
have their strength but in subordination to the third (the final
cause, or interest of God and our salvation). And that this last
reason (from the end) is of itself sufficient without any of the
other, but none of the other are sufficient without this. If it be
clear that in a married state you have better advantages for the
service of God, and doing good to others, and saving your own souls,
than you can have in a single state of life, then it is undoubtedly
your duty to marry; for our obligation to seek our ultimate end is the
most constant, indispensable obligation. Though parents command it
not, though you have no corporal necessity, yet it is a duty if it
certainly make most for your ultimate end. 2. But yet observe also,
that no pretence of your ultimate end itself will warrant you to
marry, when any other accident hath first made it a thing unlawful,
while that accident continueth. For we must not do evil that good may
come by it. Our salvation is not furthered by sin; and though we saw a
probability that we might do more good to others, if we did but commit
such a sin to accomplish it, yet it is not to be done. For our lives
and mercies being all in the hand of God, and the successes and
acceptance of all our endeavours depending wholly upon him, it can
never be a rational way to attain them, by wilful offending him by our
sin! It is a likely means to public good for able and good men to be
magistrates and ministers; and yet he that would lie, or be perjured,
or commit any known sin that he may be a magistrate, or that he may
preach the gospel, might better expect a curse on himself and his
endeavours, than God's acceptance, or his blessing and success; so he
that would sin to change his state for the better, would find that he
changed it for the worse: or if it do good to others, he may expect no
good but ruin to himself, if repentance prevent it not. 3. Observe
also, that if the question be only which state of life it is (married
or single) which best conduceth to this ultimate end, then any one of
the subordinate reasons will prove that we have a call, if there be
not greater reasons on the contrary side. As in case you have no
corporal necessity, the will of parents alone may oblige you, if there
be no greater thing against it: or if parents oblige you not, yet
corporal necessity alone may do it: or if neither of these invite you,
yet a clear probability of the attaining of such an estate or
opportunity, as may make you more fit to relieve many others, or be
serviceable to the church, or the blessing of children who may be
devoted to God, may warrant your marriage, if no greater reasons lie
against it; for when the scales are equal, any one of these may turn
them.
[Sidenote: Who may not marry.]
By this also you may perceive who they be that have no call to marry,
and to whom it is a sin. As, 1. No man hath a call to marry, who
laying all the commodities and discommodities together, may clearly
discern that a married state is like to be a greater hinderance of his
salvation, or to his serving or honouring God in the world, and so to
disadvantage him as to his ultimate end.
_Quest._ But what if parents do command it? or will set against
me if I disobey?
_Answ._ Parents have no authority to command you any thing
against God or your salvation, or your ultimate end. Therefore here
you owe them no formal obedience: but yet the will of parents, with
all the consequents, must be put into the scales with all other
considerations, and if they make the discommodities of a single life
to become the greater, as to your end, then they may bring you under a
duty or obligation to marry; not _necessitate præcepti_, as
obedience to their command; but _necessitate medii_, as a means
to your ultimate end, and in obedience to that general command of God,
which requireth you to "seek first" your ultimate end, even "the
kingdom of God, and his righteousness," Matt. vi. 33.
_Quest._ But what if I have a corporal necessity, and yet I can
foresee that marriage will greatly disadvantage me as to the service
of God and my salvation?
_Answ._ 1. You must understand that no corporal necessity is
absolute: for there is no man so lustful but may possibly bridle his
lust by other lawful means; by diet, labour, sober company, diverting
business, solitude, watching the thoughts and senses, or at least by
the physician's help; so that the necessity is but _secundum
quid_, or an urgency rather than a simple necessity. And then, 2.
This measure of necessity must be itself laid in the balance with the
other accidents; and if this necessity will turn the scales by making
a single life more disadvantageous to your ultimate end, your lust
being a greater impediment to you than all the inconveniencies of
marriage will be, then the case is resolved, "it is better to marry
than to burn." But if the hinderances in a married state are like to
be greater, than the hinderances of your concupiscence, then you must
set yourself to the curbing and curing of that concupiscence; and in
the use of God's means expect his blessing.
[Sidenote: Of parents' wills.]
2. Children are not, ordinarily, called of God to marry, when their
parents do absolutely and peremptorily forbid it. For though parents'
commands cannot make it a duty, when we are sure it would hinder the
interest of God our ultimate end; yet parents' prohibitions may make
it a sin, when there is a clear probability that it would most conduce
to our ultimate end, were it not prohibited. Because, (1.)
Affirmatives bind not _semper et ad semper_, as negatives or
prohibitions do. (2.) Because the sin of disobedience to parents will
cross the tendency of it unto good, and do more against our ultimate
end, than all the advantages of marriage can do for it. A duty is then
to us no duty, when it cannot be performed without a chosen, wilful
sin. In many cases we are bound to forbear what a governor forbiddeth,
when we are not bound to do the contrary if he command it. It is
easier to make a duty to be no duty, than to make a sin to be no sin.
One bad ingredient may turn a duty into a sin, when one good
ingredient will not turn a sin into a duty, or into no sin.
_Quest._ But may not a governor's prohibition be overweighed by
some great degrees of incommodity? It is better to marry than to burn.
1. What if parents forbid children to marry absolutely until death,
and so deprive them of the lawful remedy against lust? 2. And if they
do not so, yet if they forbid it them when it is to them most
seasonable and necessary, it seemeth little better. 3. Or if they
forbid them to marry where their affections are so engaged, as that
they cannot be taken off without their mutual ruin? May not children
marry in such cases of necessity as these, without and against the
will of their parents?
_Answ._ I cannot deny but some cases may be imagined or fall out,
in which it is lawful to do what a governor forbiddeth, and to marry
against the will of parents: for they have their power to edification,
and not unto destruction. As if a son be qualified with eminent gifts
for the work of the ministry, in a time and place that needeth much
help; if a malignant parent, in hatred of that sacred office, should
never so peremptorily forbid him, yet may the son devote himself to
the blessed work of saving souls: even as a son may not forbear to
relieve the poor (with that which is his own) though his parents
should forbid him; nor forbear to put himself into a capacity to
relieve them for the future; nor forbear his own necessary food and
raiment though he be forbidden: as Daniel would not forbear praying
openly in his house, when he was forbidden by the king and law. When
any inseparable accident doth make a thing, of itself indifferent,
become a duty, a governor's prohibition will not discharge us from
that duty, unless the accident be smaller than the accident of the
ruler's prohibition, and then it may be overweighed by it; but to
determine what accidents are greater or less is a difficult task.
And as to the particular questions, to the first I answer, If parents
forbid their children to marry while they live, it is convenient and
safe to obey them until death, if no greater obligation to the
contrary forbid it: but it is necessary to obey them during the time
that the children live under the government of their parents, as in
their houses, in their younger years (except in some few extraordinary
cases). But when parents are dead, (though they leave commands in
their wills,) or when age or former marriage hath removed children
from under their government, a smaller matter will serve to justify
their disobedience here, than when the children in minority are less
fit to govern themselves. For though we owe parents a limited
obedience still, yet at full age the child is more at his own disposal
than he was before. Nature hath given us a hint of her intention in
the instinct of brutes, who are all taught to protect, and lead, and
provide for their young ones, while the young are insufficient for
themselves; but when they are grown to self-sufficiency, they drive
them away or neglect them. If a wise son that hath a wife and many
children, and great affairs to manage in the world, should he bound to
as absolute obedience to his aged parents, as he was in his childhood,
it would ruin their affairs, and parents' government would pull down
that in their old age, which they built up in their middle age.
And to the second question I answer, that, 1. Children that pretend to
unconquerable lust or love, must do all they can to subdue such
inordinate affections, and bring their lusts to stoop to reason and
their parents' wills. And if they do their best, there are either
none, or not one of many hundreds, but may maintain their chastity
together with their obedience. 2. And if any say, I have done my best,
and yet am under a necessity of marriage; and am I not then bound to
marry though my parents forbid me? I answer, it is not to be believed:
either you have not done your best, or else you are not under a
necessity. And your urgency being your own fault, (seeing you should
subdue it,) God still obligeth you both to subdue your vice, and to
obey your parents. 3. But if there should be any one that hath such an
(incredible) necessity of marriage, he is to procure some others to
solicit his parents for their consent, and if he cannot obtain it,
some say, it is his duty to marry without it: I should rather say that
it is _minus malum_, the lesser evil: and that having cast
himself into some necessity of sinning, it is still his duty to avoid
both, and to choose neither; but it is the smaller sin to choose to
disobey his parents, rather than to live in the flames of lust and the
filth of unchastity. And some divines say, that in such a case a son
should appeal to the magistrate, as a superior authority above the
father. But others think, 1. That this leaveth it as difficult to
resolve what he shall do, if the magistrate also consent not: and, 2.
That it doth but resolve one difficulty by a greater; it being very
doubtful whether in domestic cases the authority of the parent or the
magistrate be the greater.
3. The same answer serveth as to the third question, when parents
forbid you to marry the persons that you are most fond of. For such
fondness (whether you call it lust or love) as will not stoop to
reason and your parents' wills, is inordinate and sinful. And
therefore the thing that God bindeth you to, is by his appointed means
to subdue it, and to obey: but if you cannot, the accidents and
probable consequents must tell you which is the lesser evil.
_Quest._ But what if the child have promised marriage, and the
parents be against it? _Answ._ If the child was under the
parents' government, and short of years of discretion also, the
promise is void for want of capacity. And if the child was at age, yet
the promise was a sinful promise, as to the promising act, and also as
to the thing promised during the parents' dissent. If the _actus
promittendi_ only had been sinful, (the promise making,) the
promise might nevertheless oblige (unless it were null as well as
sinful). But the _materia promissa_ being sinful, (the matter
promised,) to marry while parents do dissent, such a child is bound to
forbear the fulfilling of that promise till the parents do consent or
die. And yet he is bound from marrying any other, (unless he be
disobliged by the person that he hath made the promise to,) because he
knoweth not but his parents may consent hereafter; and whenever they
consent or die, the promise then is obligatory, and must be performed.
The third chapter of Numbers enableth parents to disoblige a daughter
that is in their house, from a vow made to God, so be it they disallow
it at the first hearing. Hence there are two doubts arise: 1. Whether
this power extend not to the disobliging of a promise or contract of
matrimony. 2. Whether it extend not to a son as well as a daughter.
And most expositors are for the affirmative of both cases. But I have
showed you before that it is upon uncertain grounds: 1. It is
uncertain whether God, who would thus give up his own right in case of
vowing, will also give away the right of others, without their
consent, in case of promises or contracts. And, 2. It is uncertain
whether this be not an indulgence only of the weaker sex, seeing many
words in the text seem plainly to intimate so much. And it is
dangerous upon our own presumptions, to stretch God's laws to every
thing we imagine there is the same reason for; seeing our imaginations
may so easily be deceived; and God could have expressed such
particulars if he would. And therefore (when there is not clear ground
for our inferences in the text) it is but to say, Thus and thus should
God have said, when we cannot say, Thus he hath said. We must not make
laws under the pretence of expounding them: whatsoever God commandeth
thee, take heed that thou do it: thou shalt add nothing thereto, nor
take ought therefrom, Deut. xii. 32.
_Quest._ If the question therefore be not of the sinfulness, but
the nullity of such promises of children, because of the dissent of
parents, for my part I am not able to prove any such nullity. It is
said, that they are not _sui juris_, their own, and therefore
their promises are null: but if they have attained to years and use of
discretion, they are naturally so far _sui juris_ as to be
capable of disposing even of their souls, and therefore of their
fidelity. They can oblige themselves to God or man; though they are
not so far _sui juris_ as to be ungoverned: for so, no child, no
subject, no man is _sui juris_; seeing all are under the
government of God. And yet if a man promise to do a thing sinful, it
is not a nullity, but a sin; not no promise, but a sinful promise. A
nullity is, when the _actus promittendi_ is reputative _nullus
vel non actus_. And when no promise is made, then none can be
broken.
_Quest._ But if the question be only how far such promises must
be kept, I answer by summing up what I have said: 1. If the child had
not the use of reason, the want of natural capacity proveth the
promise null: here _ignorantis non est consensus_. 2. If he was
at age and use of reason, then, 1. If the promising act only was
sinful, (as before I said of vows,) the promise must be both repented
of and kept. It must be repented of because it was a sin; it must be
kept because it was a real promise, and the matter lawful. 2. If the
promising act was not only a sin but a nullity (by any other reason)
then it is no obligation. 3. If not only the promising act be sin, but
also the matter promised, (as is marrying without parents' consent,)
then it must be repented of, and not performed till it become lawful;
because an oath or promise cannot bind a man to violate the laws of
God.
_Quest._ But what if the parties be actually married without the
parents' consent? must they live together, or be separated? _Answ._ 1.
If marriage be consummated _per carnalem concubitum_, by the carnal
knowledge of each other, I see no reason to imagine that parents can
dissolve it, or prohibit their cohabitation: for the marriage (for
aught I ever saw) is not proved a nullity, but only a sin, and their
_concubitus_ is not fornication; and parents cannot forbid husband and
wife to live together: and in marriage they do (really though
sinfully) forsake father and mother and cleave to each other, and so
are now from under their government (though not disobliged from all
obedience). 2. But if marriage be only by verbal conjunction, divines
are disagreed what is to be done. Some think that it is no perfect
marriage _ante concubitum_, and also that their conjunction hath but
the nature of a promise (to be faithful to each other as husband and
wife): and therefore the matter promised is unlawful till parents
consent, and so not to be done. But I rather think (as most do) that
it hath all that is essential to marriage _ante concubitum_; and that
this marriage is more than a promise of fidelity _de futuro_, even an
actual delivery of themselves to one another _de præsenti_ also; and
that the thing promised in marriage is lawful. For though it be a sin
to marry without parents' consent, yet when that is past, it is lawful
for married persons to come together though parents consent not; and
therefore that such marriage is valid, and to be continued, though it
was sinfully made.
[Sidenote: Of vows of chastity.]
3. A third sort that are not called of God to marry, are they that
have absolutely vowed not to marry. Such may not marry, unless
Providence disoblige them, by making it become an indispensable duty.
And I can remember but two ways by which this may be done. 1. In case
there be any of so strong lust, as no other lawful means but marriage
can suffice to maintain their chastity. To such marriage is as great a
duty, as to eat or drink, or cover one's nakedness, or to hinder
another from uncleanness, or lying, or stealing, or the like. And if
you should make a vow that you will never eat or drink, or that you
will go naked, or that you will never hinder any one from uncleanness,
lying, or stealing, it is unlawful to fulfil this vow. But all the
doubt is, whether there be any such persons that cannot overcome or
restrain their lust by any other lawful means. I suppose it is
possible there may be such; but I believe it is not one of a hundred.
If they will but practise the directions before given, part i. chap.
viii. part v. tit. 1 and 2, I suppose their lust may be restrained:
and if that prevail not, the help of a physician may: and if that
prevail not, some think the help of a surgeon may be lawful, to keep a
vow, in case it be not an apparent hazard of life. For Christ seemeth
to allow of it, in mentioning it without reproof, Matt. xix. 12, if
that text be to be understood of castration: but most expositors think
it is meant only of a confirmed resolution of chastity: and ordinarily
other means may make this needless: and if it be either needless or
perilous, it is unlawful without doubt.
2. The second way by which God may dispense with a vow of chastity is,
by making the marriage of a person become of apparent necessity to the
public safety. And I am able to discern but one instance that will
reach the case; and that is, if a king have vowed chastity, and in
case he marry not, his next heir being a professed enemy of
christianity, the religion, safety, and happiness of the whole nation,
is apparently in danger to be overthrown. I think the case of such a
king is like the case of a father that had vowed never to provide food
or raiment for his children: or as if Ahab had vowed that no well
should be digged in the land; and when the drought cometh, it is
become necessary to the saving of the people's lives: or as if the
ship-master should vow that the ship shall not be pumped; which when
it leaketh doth become necessary to save their lives. In these cases
God disobligeth you from your vow by a mutation of the matter; and a
pastor may dispense with it declaratively. But for the pope or any
mortal man to pretend to more, is impiety and deceit.
_Quest._ May the aged marry, that are frigid, impotent, and
uncapable of procreation? _Answ._ Yes, God hath not forbidden
them: and there are other lawful ends of marriage, as mutual help and
comfort, &c. which may make it lawful.[3]
_Direct._ II. To restrain your inordinate forwardness to
marriage, keep the ordinary inconveniencies of it in memory. Rush not
into a state of life, the inconveniencies of which you never thought
on. If you have a call to it, the knowledge of the difficulties and
duties will be necessary to your preparation, and faithful undergoing
them; if you have no call, this knowledge is necessary to keep you
off. I shall first name the inconveniencies common to all, and then
some that are proper to the ministers of the gospel, which have a
greater reason to avoid a married life than other men have.
1. Marriage ordinarily plungeth men into excess of worldly cares; it
multiplieth their business, and usually their wants. There are many
things to mind and do; there are many to provide for. And many persons
you will have to do with, who have all of them a selfish disposition
and interest, and will judge of you but according as you fit their
ends. And among many persons and businesses, some things will
frequently fall cross: you must look for many rubs and disappointments.
And your natures are not so strong, content, and patient, as to bear
all these without molestation.
2. Your wants in a married state are hardlier supplied, than in a
single life. You will want so many things which before you never
wanted, and have so many to provide for and content, that all will
seem little enough, if you had never so much. Then you will be often
at your wit's end, taking thought for the future, what you shall eat,
and what you shall drink, and wherewith shall you and yours be clothed.
3. Your wants in a married state are far hardlier borne than in a
single state. It is far easier to bear personal wants ourselves, than
to see the wants of wife and children: affection will make their
sufferings pinch you. And ingenuity will make it a trouble to your
mind, to need the help of servants, and to want that which is fit for
servants to expect. But especially the discontent and impatience of
your family will more discontent you than all their wants. You cannot
help your wife, and children, and servants to contented minds. Oh what
a heart-cutting trial is it to hear them repining, murmuring, and
complaining! to hear them call for that which you have not for them,
and grieve at their condition, and exclaim of you, or of the
providence of God, because they have it not! And think not that riches
will free you from these discontents; for as the rich are but few, so
they that have much have much to do with it. A great foot must have a
great shoe. When poor men want some small supplies, rich men may want
great sums, or larger provisions, which the poor can easily be
without. And their condition lifting them up to greater pride, doth
torment them with greater discontents. How few in all the world that
have families, are content with their estates!
4. Hereupon a married life containeth far more temptations to
worldliness or covetousness, than a single state doth. For when you
think you need more, you will desire more: and when you find all too
little to satisfy those that you provide for, you will measure your
estate by their desires, and be apt to think that you have never
enough. Birds and beasts that have young ones to provide for, are most
hungry and rapacious. You have so many now to scrape for, that you
will think you are still in want: it is not only till death that you
must now lay up; but you must provide for children that survive you.
And while you take them to be as yourselves, you have two generations
now to make provisions for: and most men are as covetous for their
posterity, as if it were for themselves.
5. And hereupon you are hindered from works of charity to others: wife
and children are the devouring gulf that swalloweth all. If you had
but yourselves to provide for, a little would serve; and you could
deny your own desires of unnecessary things; and so might have
plentiful provision for good works. But by that time wife and children
are provided for, and all their importunate desires satisfied, there
is nothing considerable left for pious or charitable uses. Lamentable
experience proclaimeth this.
6. And hereby it appeareth how much a married state doth ordinarily
hinder men from honouring their profession. It is their vows of single
life that hath occasioned the papists to do so many works of public
charity, as is boasted of for the honour of their sect. For when they
have no children to bequeath it to, and cannot keep it themselves, it
is easy to them to leave it to such uses as will pacify their
consciences most, and advance their names. And if it should prove as
good a work and as acceptable to God, to educate your own children
piously for his service, as to relieve the children of the poor, yet
it is not so much regarded in the world, nor bringeth so much honour
to religion. One hundred pounds given to the poor shall more advance
the reputation of your liberality and virtue, than a thousand pounds
given to your own children, though it be with as pious an end, to
train them up for the service of the church. And though this is
inconsiderable as your own honour is concerned in it, yet it is
considerable as the honour of religion and the good of souls are
concerned in it.
7. And it is no small patience which the natural imbecility of the
female sex requireth you to prepare. Except it be very few that are
patient and manlike, women are commonly of potent fantasies, and
tender, passionate, impatient spirits, easily cast into anger, or
jealousy, or discontent; and of weak understandings, and therefore
unable to reform themselves. They are betwixt a man and a child: some
few have more of the man, and many have more of the child; but most
are but in a middle state. Weakness naturally inclineth persons to be
froward and hard to please; as we see in children, old people, and
sick persons. They are like a sore, distempered body; you can scarce
touch them but you hurt them. With too many you can scarce tell how to
speak or look but you displease them. If you should be very well
versed in the art of pleasing, and set yourselves to it with all your
care, as if you made it your very business and had little else to do,
yet it would put you hard to it, to please some weak, impatient
persons, if not quite surpass your ability and skill. And the more you
love them, the more grievous it will be, to see them still in
discontents, weary of their condition, and to hear the clamorous
expressions of their disquiet minds. Nay, the very multitude of words
that very many are addicted to, doth make some men's lives a continual
burden to them. Mark what the Scripture saith: Prov. xxi. 9, "It is
better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling
woman in a wide house." Ver. 19, "It is better to dwell in the
wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman." So chap. xxv. 24,
and xxvii. 15, "A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a
contentious woman are alike." Eccles. vii. 28, "One man among a
thousand have I found; but a woman among all those have I not found."
8. And there is such a meeting of faults and imperfections on both
sides, that maketh it much the harder to bear the infirmities of
others aright. If one party only were froward and impatient, the
stedfastness of the other might make it the more tolerable; but we are
all sick, in some measure, of the same disease. And when weakness
meeteth with weakness, and pride with pride, and passion with passion,
it exasperateth the disease and doubleth the suffering. And our
corruption is such, that though our intent be to help one another in
our duties, yet we are apter far to stir up one another's distempers.
9. The business, care, and trouble of a married life, is a great
temptation to call down our thoughts from God, and to divert them from
the "one thing necessary," Luke x. 42; and to distract the mind, and
make it undisposed to holy duty, and to serve God with a divided
heart, as if we served him not. How hard is it to pray or meditate
with any serious fervency, when you come out of a crowd of cares and
business! Hear what Saint Paul saith, 1 Cor. vii. 7, 8, "For I would
that all men were as I myself.--I say to the unmarried and the widows,
It is good for them if they abide even as I." Ver. 26-28, "I suppose
therefore that this is good for the present distress, that it is good
for a man so to be:--such shall have trouble in the flesh." Ver. 32, 33,
"But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth
for the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord: but he that is
married careth for the things of the world, how he may please his
wife." Ver. 34, 35, "The unmarried woman careth for the things of the
Lord, that she may be holy in body and in spirit: but she that is
married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her
husband. And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a
snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend
upon the Lord without distraction." Ver. 37, 38, "He that standeth
stedfast in his heart, having no necessity, but hath power over his
own will, and hath so decreed in his heart that he will keep his
virgin, doth well. So then he that marrieth doth well, but he that
marrieth not doth better." And mark Christ's own words, Matt. xix. 11,
"His disciples say unto him, If the case of a man be so with his wife,
it is not good to marry. But he said unto them, All men cannot receive
this saying, save they to whom it is given--He that is able to receive
it, let him receive it."
10. The business of a married state doth commonly devour almost all
your time, so that little is left for holy contemplations, or serious
thoughts of the life to come. All God's service is contracted and
thrust into a corner, and done as it were on the by: the world will
scarce allow you time to meditate, or pray, or read the Scripture; you
think yourselves (as Martha) under a greater necessity of despatching
your business, than of sitting at Christ's feet to hear his word. Oh
that single persons knew (for the most part) the preciousness of their
leisure, and how free they are to attend the service of God, and learn
his word, in comparison of the married!
11. There is so great a diversity of temperaments and degrees of
understanding, that there are scarce any two persons in the world, but
there is some unsuitableness between them. Like stones that have some
unevenness, that maketh them lie crooked in the building; some
crossness there will be of opinion, or disposition, or interest, or
will, by nature, or by custom and education, which will stir up
frequent discontents.
12. There is a great deal of duty which husband and wife do owe to one
another; as to instruct, admonish, pray, watch over one another, and
to be continual helpers to each other in order to their everlasting
happiness; and patiently to bear with the infirmities of each other:
and to the weak and backward heart of man, the addition of so much
duty doth add to their weariness, how good soever the work be in
itself: and men should feel their strength, before they undertake more
work.
13. And the more they love each other, the more they participate in
each other's griefs; and one or other will be frequently under some
sort of suffering. If one be sick, or lame, or pained, or defamed, or
wronged, or disquieted in mind, or by temptation fall into any
wounding sin, the other beareth part of the distress. Therefore before
you undertake to bear all the burdens of another, and suffer in all
another's hurts, it concerneth you to observe your strength, how much
more you have than your own burdens do require.
14. And if you should marry one that proveth ungodly, how exceeding
great would the affliction be! If you loved them, your souls would be
in continual danger by them; they would be the powerfulest instruments
in the world to pervert your judgments, to deaden your hearts, to take
you off from a holy life, to kill your prayers, to corrupt your lives,
and to damn your souls. And if you should have the grace to escape the
snare, and save yourselves, it would be by so much the greater
difficulty and suffering, as the temptation is the greater. And what a
heart-breaking would it be to converse so nearly with a child of the
devil, that is like to lie for ever in hell! The daily thoughts of it
would be a daily death to you.
15. Women especially must expect so much suffering in a married life,
that if God had not put into them a natural inclination to it, and so
strong a love to their children, as maketh them patient under the most
annoying troubles, the world would ere this have been at an end,
through their refusal of so calamitous a life. Their sickness in
breeding, their pain in bringing forth, with the danger of their
lives, the tedious trouble night and day which they have with their
children in their nursing in their childhood; besides their subjection
to their husbands, and continual care of family affairs; being forced
to consume their lives in a multitude of low and troublesome
businesses: all this, and much more, would have utterly deterred that
sex from marriage, if nature itself had not inclined them to it.
16. And oh what abundance of duty is incumbent upon both the parents
towards every child for the saving of their souls![4] What uncessant
labour is necessary in teaching them the doctrine of salvation! which
made God twice over charge them to teach his word diligently (or
sharpen them) "unto their children, and to talk of them when they sit
in their houses, and when they walk by the way, and when they lie
down, and when they rise up," Deut. vi. 6, 7; xi. 19. What abundance
of obstinate, rooted corruptions are in the hearts of children, which
parents must by all possible diligence root up! Oh how great and hard
a work is it, to speak to them of their sins and Saviour, of their
God, their souls, and the life to come, with that reverence, gravity,
seriousness, and unwearied constancy, as the weight of the matter doth
require! and to suit all their actions and carriage to the same ends!
Little do most that have children know, what abundance of care and
labour God will require of them, for the sanctifying and saving of
their children's souls. Consider your fitness for so great a work
before you undertake it.
17. It is abundance of affliction that is ordinarily to be expected in
the miscarriages of children, when you have done your best, much more
if you neglect your duty, as even godly parents too often do. After
all your pains, and care, and labour, you must look that the
foolishness of some, and the obstinacy of others, and the
unthankfulness of those that you have loved best, should even pierce
your hearts. You must look that many vices should spring up and
trouble you; and be the more grievous by how much your children are
the more dear. And oh what a grief it is to breed up a child to be a
servant of the devil, and an enemy of God and godliness, and a
persecutor of the church of God! and to think of his lying in hell for
ever! And alas! how great is the number of such!
18. And it is not a little care and trouble that servants will put you
to; so difficult is it to get those that are good, much more to make
them good; so great is your duty, in teaching them, and minding them
of the matters of their salvation; so frequent will be the
displeasures about your work and worldly business, and every one of
those displeasures will hinder them for receiving your instructions;
that most families are houses of correction or affliction.
19. And these marriage crosses are not for a year, but during life;
they deprive you of all hope of relief while you live together. There
is no room for repentance, nor casting about for a way to escape them.
Death only must be your relief. And therefore such a change of your
condition should be seriously forethought on, and all the troubles be
foreseen and pondered.
20. And if love make you dear to one another, your parting at death
will be the more grievous. And when you first come together, you know
that such a parting you must have; through all the course of your
lives you may foresee it: one of you must see the body of your beloved
turned into a cold and ghastly clod; you must follow it weeping to the
grave, and leave it there in dust and darkness; there it must lie
rotting as a loathsome lump, whose sight or smell you cannot endure;
till you shortly follow it, and lie down yourself in the same
condition. All these are the ordinary concomitants and consequents of
marriage; easily and quickly spoken, but long and hard to be endured!
No fictions, but realities, and less than most have reason to expect.
And should such a life be rashly ventured on in a pang of lust? or
such a burden be undertaken without forethought?
[Sidenote: Of ministers' marriage.]
But especially the ministers of the gospel should think what they do,
and think again, before they enter upon a married life. Not that it is
simply unlawful for them, or that they are to be tied from it by a
law, as they are in the kingdom of Rome, for carnal ends and with
odious effects. But so great a hinderance ordinarily is this
troublesome state of life to the sacred ministration which they
undertake, that a very clear call should be expected for their
satisfaction. That I be not tedious, consider well but of these four
things: 1. How well will a life of so much care and business agree to
you, that have time little enough for the greater work which you have
undertaken? Do you know what you have to do in public and private? in
reading, meditating, praying, preaching, instructing personally, and
from house to house? And do you know of how great importance it is?
even for the saving of men's souls? And have you time to spare for so
much worldly cares and business? Are you not charged, "Meditate on
these things: give thyself wholly to them," 1 Tim. iv. 15. "No man
that warreth, entangleth himself with the affairs of this life, that
he may please him that hath chosen him to be a soldier," 2 Tim. ii. 4.
Is not this plain? Soldiers use not to look to farms and servants. If
you are faithful ministers, I dare confidently say, you will find all
your time so little for your proper work, that many a time you will
groan and say, Oh how short and swift is time! and, Oh how great and
slow is my work and duty! 2. Consider how well a life of so great
diversions, avocations, and distractions, doth suit with a mind
devoted to God, that should be always free and ready for his service.
Your studies are on such great and mysterious subjects, that they
require the whole mind, and all too little. To resolve the many
difficulties that are before you, to prepare those suitable convincing
words, which may pierce and persuade the hearers' hearts, to get
within the bosom of a hypocrite, to follow on the word till it attain
its effect, and to deal with poor souls according to their great
necessity, and handle God's word according to its holiness and
majesty, these are things that require a whole man, and are not
employments for a divided or distracted mind. The talking of women,
and the crying of children, and the cares and business of the world,
are ill preparations or attendants on these studies.[5] 3. Consider
well whether a life of so great disturbance be agreeable to one whose
affections should be taken up for God; and whose work must be all
done, not formally and affectedly with the lips alone, but seriously
with all the heart. If your heart and warm affections be at any time
left behind, the life, and power, the beauty, and glory of your work
are lost. How dead will your studies, and praying, and preaching, and
conference be! And can you keep those affections warm and vigorous for
God, and taken up with heaven and heavenly things, which are disturbed
with the cares and the crosses of the world, and taken up with carnal
matters? 4. And consider also how well that indigent life will agree
to one that by charity and good works should second his doctrine, and
win men's souls to the love of holiness.[6] If you feed not the bodies
of the poor, they will less relish the food of the soul. Nay, if you
abound not above others in good works, the blind, malicious world will
see nothing that is good in you; but will say, You have good words,
but where are your good works? What abundance have I known hardened
against the gospel and religion, by a common fame, that these
preachers are as covetous, and worldly, and uncharitable as any
others! and it must be something extraordinary that must confute such
fame. And what abundance of success have I seen of the labours of
those ministers, who give all they have in works of charity! And
though a rich and resolved man may do some good in a married state,
yet commonly it is next to nothing, as to the ends now mentioned;
wife, and children, and family necessities devour all, if you have
never so much. And some provision must be made for them, when you are
dead: and the maintenance of the ministry is not so great as to
suffice well for all this, much less for any eminent works of charity
besides! Never reckon upon the doing of much good to the poor, if you
have wives and children of your own! Such instances are rarities and
wonders. All will be too little for yourselves. Whereas if all that
were given to the poor which goeth to the maintenance of your
families, you little know how much it would reconcile the minds of the
ungodly, and further the success of your ministerial work.
_Direct._ III. If God call you to a married life, expect all
these troubles, or most of them; and make particular preparation for
each temptation, cross, and duty which you must expect. Think not that
you are entering into a state of mere delight, lest it prove but a
fool's paradise to you. See that you be furnished with marriage
strength and patience, for the duties and sufferings of a married
state, before you venture on it. Especially, 1. Be well provided
against temptations to a worldly mind and life: for here you are like
to be most violently and dangerously assaulted. 2. See that you be
well provided with conjugal affections: for they are necessary both to
the duties and sufferings of a married life. And you should not enter
upon the state without the necessary preparations. 3. See that you be
well provided with marriage prudence and understanding, that you may
be able to instruct and edify your families, and may live with them as
men of knowledge, 1 Pet. iii. 7, and may manage all your business with
discretion, Psal. cxii. 15. 4. See that you be provided with
resolvedness and constancy, that you vex not yourself and relations by
too late repentings; and come not off with, had I wist, or _non
putaram_. Levity and mutability is no fit preparative for a state
that only death can change. Let the love and resolutions which brought
you into that state, continue with you to the last. 5. See that you be
provided with a diligence answerable to the greatness of your
undertaken duties. A slothful mind is unfit for one that entereth
himself voluntarily upon so much business; as a cowardly mind is unfit
for him that listeth himself a soldier for the wars. 6. See that you
are well provided with marriage patience; to bear with the infirmities
of others, and undergo the daily crosses of your life, which your
business and necessities, and your own infirmities, will unavoidably
infer. To marry without all this preparation, is as foolish as to go
to sea without the necessary preparations for your voyage, or to go to
war without armour or ammunition, or to go to work without tools or
strength, or to go to buy meat in the market when you have no money.
_Direct._ IV. Take special care, that fancy and passion overrule
not reason, and friends' advice, in the choice of your condition, or
of the person. I know you must have love to those that you match with;
but that love must be rational, and such as you can justify in the
severest trial, by the evidences of worth and fitness in the person
whom you love. To say you love, but you know not why, is more
beseeming children or mad folks, than those that are soberly entering
upon a change of life of so great importance to them. A blind love
which maketh you think a person excellent and amiable, who in the eyes
of the wisest that are impartial, is nothing so, or maketh you
overvalue the person whom you fancy, and be fond of one as some
admirable creature, that in the eyes of others is next to
contemptible, this is but the index and evidence of your folly. And
though you please yourselves in it, and honour it with the name of
love, there is none that is acquainted with it, that will give it any
better name than lust or fancy. And the marriage that is made by lust
or fancy will never tend to solid content or true felicity; but either
it will feed till death on the fuel that kindled it, and then go out
in everlasting shame; or else more ordinarily it proveth but a blaze,
and turneth into loathing and weariness of each other. And because
this passion of lust (called love) is such a besotting, blinding
thing, (like the longing of a woman with child,) it is the duty of all
that feel any touch of it to kindle upon their hearts, to call it
presently to the trial, and to quench it effectually; and till that be
done (if they have any relics of wit or reason) to suspect their own
apprehensions, and much more to trust the judgment and advice of
others.
[Sidenote: How to cure lustful love.]
The means to quench this lust called love, I have largely opened
before. I shall now only remember you of these few. 1. Keep asunder,
and at a sufficient distance from the person that you dote upon. The
nearness of the fire and fuel causeth the combustion. Fancy and lust
are inflamed by the senses. Keep out of sight, and in time the fever
may abate. 2. Overvalue not vanity. Think not highly of a silken coat,
or of the great names of ancestors, or of money, or lands, or of a
painted or a spotted face, nor of that natural comeliness called
beauty: judge not of things as children, but as men: play not the
fools in magnifying trifles, and overlooking inward, real worth. Would
you fall in love with a flower or picture at this rate? Bethink you
what work the pox, or any other withering sickness, will make with
that silly beauty which you so admire: think what a spectacle death
will make it; and how many thousands once more beautiful, are turned
now to common earth! and how many thousand souls are now in hell, that
by a beautiful body were drowned in lust, and tempted to neglect
themselves! and how few in the world you can name that were ever much
the better for it! What a childish thing it is to dote on a book of
tales and lies, because it hath a beautiful, gilded cover! and to
undervalue the writings of the wise, because they have a plain and
homely outside! 3. Rule your thoughts, and let them not run masterless
as fancy shall command them. If reason cannot call off your thoughts
from following a lustful desire and imagination, no wonder if one that
rideth on such an unbridled colt be cast into the dirt. 4. Live not
idly, but let the business of your callings take up your time, and
employ your thoughts. An idle, fleshly mind is the carcass where the
vermin of lust doth crawl, and the nest where the devil hatcheth both
this and many other pernicious sins. 5. Lastly and chiefly, forget not
the concernments of your souls: remember how near you are to eternity,
and what work you have to do for your salvation: forget not the
presence of God, nor the approach of death. Look oft by faith into
heaven and hell, and keep conscience tender; and then I warrant you,
you will find something else to mind than lust, and greater matters
than a silly carcass to take up your thoughts; and you will feel that
heavenly love within you, which will extinguish earthly, carnal love.
_Direct._ V. Be not too hasty in your choice or resolution, but
deliberate well, and thoroughly know the person on whom so much of the
comfort or sorrow of your life will necessarily depend. Where
repentance hath no place, there is the greater care to be used to
prevent it. Reason requireth you to be well acquainted with those that
you trust but with an important secret, much more with all your honour
or estates; and most of all, with one whom you must trust with so much
of the comfort of your lives, and your advantages for a better life.
No care and caution can be too great in a matter of so great
importance.
_Direct._ VI. Let no carnal motives persuade you to join yourself
to an ungodly person; but let the holy fear of God be preferred in
your choice before all worldly excellency whatsoever. Marry not a
swine for a golden trough; nor an ugly soul for a comely body.
Consider, 1. You will else give cause of great suspicion that you are
yourselves ungodly: for they that know truly the misery of an
unrenewed soul, and the excellency of the image of God, can never be
indifferent whether they be joined to the godly or the ungodly. To
prefer things temporal before things spiritual habitually, and in the
predominant acts of heart and life, is the certain character of a
graceless soul! And he that in so near a case doth deliberately prefer
riches or comeliness in another, before the image and fear of God,
doth give a very dangerous sign of such a graceless heart and will. If
you set more by beauty or riches than by godliness, you have the
surest mark that you are ungodly. If you do not set more by them, how
come you deliberately to prefer them? How could you do a thing that
detecteth your ungodliness, and condemneth you more clearly? And do
you not show that you either believe not the word of God, or else that
you love him not, and regard not his interest? Otherwise you would
take his friends as your friends, and his enemies as your enemies.
Tell me, would you marry an enemy of your own, before any change and
reconciliation? I am confident you would not. And can you so easily
marry an enemy of God? If you know not that all the ungodly and
unsanctified are his enemies, you know not, or believe not, the word
of God; which telleth you that "the carnal mind is enmity against God;
for it is not subject to the law of God, nor indeed can be: so then
they that are in the flesh cannot please God," Rom. viii. 7, 8. 2. If
you fear God yourselves, your chief end in marriage will be to have
one that will be a helper to your soul, and further you in the way to
heaven: but if you marry with a person that is ungodly, either you
have no such end, or else you may easily know you have no wiselier
chosen the means, than if you had chosen water to kindle the fire, or
a bed of snow to keep you warm. Will an ignorant or ungodly person
assist you in prayer and holy watchfulness, and stir you up to the
love of God, and a heavenly mind? And can you so willingly lose all
the spiritual benefit, which you should principally desire and intend?
3. Nay, instead of a helper, you will have a continual hinderer: when
you should go to prayer, you will have one to pull you back, or to
fill your minds with diversions or disquietments! When you should keep
close to God in holy meditations, you will have one to cast in worldly
thoughts, or trouble your minds with vanity or vexation. When you
should discourse of God and heavenly things, you will have one to
stifle such discourse, and fill your ears with idle, impertinent, or
worldly talk. And one such a hinderance so near you, in your bosom,
will be worse than a thousand further off. As an ungodly heart which
is next of all to us, is our greatest hinderance, so an ungodly
husband or wife, which is next to that, is worse to us than many
ungodly neighbours. And if you think that you can well enough overcome
such hinderances, and your heart is so good, that no such clogs can
keep it down, you do but show that you have a proud, unhumbled heart,
that is prepared for a fall. If you know yourselves, and the badness
of your hearts, you will know that you have no need of hinderances in
any holy work, and that all the helps in the world are little enough,
and too little, to keep your souls in the love of God. 4. And such an
ungodly companion will be to you a continual temptation to sin.
Instead of stirring you up to good, you will have one to stir you up
to evil, to passion, or discontent, or covetousness, or pride, or
revenge, or sensuality. And can you not sin enough without such a
tempter? 5. And what a continual grief will it be to you, if you are
believers, to have a child of the devil in your bosom! and to think
how far you must be separated at death! and in what torments those
must lie for ever, that are so dear unto you now! 6. Yea, such
companions will be uncapable of the principal part of your love. You
may love them as husbands or wives, but you cannot love them as saints
and members of Christ. And how great a want this will be in your love,
those know that know what this holy love is.
_Quest._ But how can I tell who are godly, when there is so much
hypocrisy in the world. _Answ._ At least you may know who is
ungodly if it be palpably discovered. I take not a barren knowledge
for ungodliness, nor a nimble tongue for godliness: judge of them by
their love: such as a man's love is, such is the man. If they love the
word, and servants, and worship of God, and love a holy life, and hate
the contrary, you may close with such, though their knowledge be
small, and their parts be weak; but if they have no love to these, but
had rather live a common, careless, carnal life, you may well avoid
them as ungodly.
_Quest._ But if ungodly persons may marry, why may not I marry
with one that is ungodly? _Answ._ Though dogs and swine may join
in generating, it followeth not men or women may join with them.
Pardon the comparison, (while Christ calleth the wicked dogs and
swine, Matt. vii. 6,) it doth but show the badness of your
consequence. Unbelievers may marry, and yet we may not marry with
unbelievers. "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for
what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what
communion hath light with darkness? and what concord hath Christ with
Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? and what
agreement hath the temple of God with idols? For ye are the temple of
the living God--Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye
separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing," &c. 2 Cor.
vi. 14-16.
_Quest._ But I make no doubt but they may be converted: God can
call them when he will: if there be but love, they will easily be won
to be of the mind as those they love are? _Answ._ 1. Then it
seems because you love an ungodly person, you will be easily turned to
be ungodly. If so, you are not much better already. If love will not
draw you to their mind to be ungodly, why should you think love will
draw them to your mind to be godly? Are you stronger in grace than
they are in sin? 2. If you know well what grace is, and what a sinful,
unrenewed soul is, you would not think it so easy a matter to convert
a soul. Why are there so few converted, if it be so easy a thing? You
cannot make yourselves better by adding higher degrees to the grace
you have: much less can you make another better, by giving them the
grace which they have not. 3. It is true that God is able to convert
them when he will; and it is true that for aught I know it may be
done. But what of that? Will you in so weighty a case take up with a
mere possibility? God can make a beggar rich, and for aught you know
to the contrary, he will do it; and yet you will not therefore marry a
beggar: nor will you marry a leper, because God can heal him; why then
should you marry an ungodly person, because God can convert him? See
it done first, if you love your peace and safety.
_Quest._ But what if my parents command me to marry an ungodly
person? _Answ._ God having forbidden it, no parent hath authority
to command you to do so great a mischief to yourself, no more than to
cut your own throats, or to dismember your bodies.
_Quest._ But what if I have a necessity of marrying, and can get
none but an ungodly person? _Answ._ If that be really your case,
that your necessity be real, and you can get no other, I think it is
lawful.
_Quest._ But is it not better have a good-natured person that is
ungodly, than an ill-natured person that is religious, as many such
are? And may not a bad man be a good husband? _Answ._ 1. A bad
man may be a good tailor, or shoemaker, or carpenter, or seaman,
because there is no moral virtue necessary to the well-doing of their
work. But a bad man cannot be simply a good magistrate, or minister,
or husband, or parent, because there is much moral virtue necessary to
their duties. 2. A bad nature unmortified and untamed is inconsistent
with true godliness; such persons may talk and profess what they
please; but "if any man among you seem to be religious and bridleth
not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man's religion is
vain," James i. 26. 3. I did not say that godliness alone is all that
you must look after; though this be the first, yet more is necessary.
_Direct._ VII. Next to the fear of God, make choice of a nature
or temperament that is not too much unsuitable to you. A crossness of
dispositions will be a continual vexation; and you will have a
domestic war instead of love. Especially make sure of these following
qualities. 1. That there be a loving, and not a selfish nature, that
hath no regard to another but for their own end. 2. That there be a
nature competently quiet and patient, and not intolerably froward and
unpleasable. 3. That there be a competency of wit; for no one can live
lovingly and comfortably with a fool. 4. That there be a competent
humility; for there is no quietness to be expected with the proud. 5.
That there be a power to be silent, as well as to speak; for a
babbling tongue is a continual vexation.
_Direct._ VIII. Next to grace and nature, have a due and moderate
respect to person, education, and estate. 1. So far have respect to
the person as that there be no unhealthfulness to make your condition
over-burdensome; nor any such deformity as may hinder your affections.
2. And so far have respect to parentage and education, as that there
be no great unsuitableness of mind, nor any prejudicate opinions in
religion, which may make you too unequal. Differing opinions in
religion are much more tolerable in persons more distant, than in so
near relations. And those that are bred too high in idleness and
luxury, must have a thorough work of grace to make them fit for a low
condition, and cure the pride and sensuality which are taken for the
honourable badges of their gentility; and it is scarce considerable
how rich such are; for their pride and luxury will make even with all,
and be still in greater want, than honest, contented, temperate
poverty.
_Direct._ IX. If God call you to marriage, take notice of the
helps and comforts of that condition, as well as of the hinderances
and troubles; that you may cheerfully serve God in it, in the
expectation of his blessing. Though man's corruption have filled that
and every state of life with snares and troubles, yet from the
beginning it was not so; God appointed it for mutual help, and as such
it may be used. As a married life hath its temptations and
afflictions, so it hath its peculiar benefits, which you are
thankfully to accept and acknowledge unto God. See Eccles. iv. 10-12.
1. It is a mercy in order to the propagating of a people on earth to
love and honour their Creator, and to serve God in the world and enjoy
him for ever. It is no small mercy to be the parents of a godly seed;
and this is the end of the institution of marriage, Mal. ii. 15. And
this parents may expect, if they be not wanting on their part; however
sometimes their children prove ungodly. 2. It is a mercy to have a
faithful friend, that loveth you entirely, and is as true to you as
yourself, to whom you may open your mind and communicate your affairs,
and who would be ready to strengthen you, and divide the cares of your
affairs and family with you, and help you to bear your burdens, and
comfort you in your sorrows, and be the daily companion of your lives,
and partaker of your joys and sorrows. 3. And it is a mercy to have so
near a friend to be a helper to your soul; to join with you in prayer
and other holy exercises; to watch over you and tell you of your sins
and dangers, and to stir up in you the grace of God, and remember you
of the life to come, and cheerfully accompany you in the ways of
holiness. Prov. xix. 14, "A prudent wife is from the Lord." Thus it is
said, Prov. xviii. 22, "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and
obtaineth favour of the Lord." See Prov. xxxi. 10-12, &c.
_Direct._ X. Let your marriage covenant be made understandingly,
deliberately, heartily, in the fear of God, with a fixed resolution
faithfully to perform it. Understand well all the duties of your
relation before you enter into it; and run not upon it as boys to a
play, but with the sense of your duty, as those that engage themselves
to a great deal of work of great importance towards God and towards
each other. Address yourselves therefore beforehand to God for
counsel, and earnestly beg his guidance and his blessing, and run not
without him, or before him. Reckon upon the worst, and foresee all
temptations which would diminish your affections, or make you
unfaithful to each other; and see that you be fortified against them
all.
_Direct._ XI. Be sure that God be the ultimate end of your
marriage, and that you principally choose that state of life, that in
it you may be most serviceable to him; and that you heartily devote
yourselves and your families unto God; that so it may be to you a
sanctified condition. It is nothing but making God our guide and end
that can sanctify our state of life. They that unfeignedly follow
God's counsel, and aim at his glory, and do it to please him, will
find God owning and blessing their relation. But they that do it
principally to please the flesh, to satisfy lust, and to increase
their estates, and to have children surviving them to receive the
fruits of their pride and covetousness, can expect to reap no better
than they sow; and to have the flesh, the world, and the devil the
masters of their family, according to their own desire and choice.
_Direct._ XII. At your first conjunction (and through the rest of
your lives) remember the day of your separation. And think not that
you are settling yourselves in a state of rest, or felicity, or
continuance, but only assuming a companion in your travels. Whether
you live in a married or an unmarried life, remember that you are
hasting to the everlasting life, where there is neither "marrying nor
giving in marriage," 1 Cor. vii. 29, 30. You are going as fast to
another world in one state of life as in the other. You are but to
help each other in your way, that your journey may be the easier to
you, and that you may happily meet again in the heavenly Jerusalem.
When worldlings marry, they take it for a settling themselves in the
world; and as regenerate persons begin the world anew, by beginning to
lay up a treasure in heaven, so worldlings call their marriage their
beginning the world, because then, as engaged servants to the world,
they set themselves to seek it with greater diligence than ever
before. They do but in marriage begin (as seekers) that life of
foolery, which when he had found what he sought, that rich man ended,
Luke xii. 19, 20, with a "This I will do: I will pull down my barns,
and build greater, and there will I bestow all my fruits and my goods;
and I will say to my soul, Soul, thou hast much goods laid up for many
years, take thine ease, eat, drink, and be merry: but God said unto
him, Thou fool, this night shall thy soul be required of thee: then
whose shall those things be which thou hast provided?" If you would
not die such fools, do not marry and live such worldlings.
_Tit. 2. Cases of Marriage._
_Quest._ I. What should one follow as a certain rule, about the
prohibited degrees of consanguinity or affinity? seeing, 1. The law of
Moses is not in force to us. 2. And if it were, it is very dark,
whether it may by parity of reason be extended to more degrees than
are named in the text. 3. And seeing the law of nature is so hardly
legible in this case.[7]
_Answ._ 1. It is certain that the prohibited degrees are not so
statedly and universally unlawful, as that such marriage may not be
made lawful by any necessity. For Adam's sons did lawfully marry their
own sisters.
2. But now the world is peopled, such necessities as will warrant such
marriages must needs be very rare, and such as we are never like to
meet with.
3. The law of nature is it which prohibiteth the degrees that are now
unlawful; and though this law be dark as to some degrees, it is not so
as to others.
4. The law of God to the Jews, Lev. xviii. doth not prohibit those
degrees there named, because of any reason proper to the Jews, but as
an exposition of the law of nature, and so on reasons common to all.
5. Therefore, though the Jewish law cease (yea, never bound other
nations) formally as that political national law; yet as it was God's
exposition of his own law of nature, it is of use, and consequential
obligation to all men, even to this day; for if God once had told but
one man, This is the sense of the law of nature, it remaineth true,
and all must believe it; and then the law of nature itself, so
expounded, will still oblige.
6. The world is so wide for choice, and a necessity of doubtful
marriage is so rare, and the trouble so great, that prudence telleth
every one that it is their sin, without flat necessity, to marry in a
doubtful degree; and therefore it is thus safest, to avoid all degrees
that seem to be equal to those named Lev. xviii. and to have the same
reason, though they be not named.
7. But because it is not certain that indeed the unnamed cases have
the same reason, (while God doth not acquaint us with all the reasons
of his law,) therefore when the thing is done, we must not censure
others too deeply, nor trouble ourselves too much about those unnamed,
doubtful cases. We must avoid them beforehand, because else we shall
cast ourselves into doubts and troubles unnecessarily; but when it is
past, the case must be considered of as I shall after open.
_Quest._ II. What if the law of the land forbid more or fewer
degrees than Lev. xviii. doth?
_Answ._ If it forbid fewer, the rest are nevertheless to be
avoided as forbidden by God. If it forbid more, the forbidden ones
must be avoided in obedience to our rulers.
_Quest._ III. Is the marriage of cousin-germans, that is, of
brothers' children, or sisters' children, or brothers' and sisters'
children, unlawful?
_Answ._ I think not; 1. Because not forbidden by God. 2. Because
none of that same rank are forbidden; that is, none that on both sides
are two degrees from the root. I refer the reader for my reasons to a
Latin Treatise of Charles Butler on this subject, for in those I rest.
As all the children of Noah's sons did marry their cousin-germans,
(for they could not marry in any remoter degree,) so have others since
without reproof, and none are forbidden. 3. But it is safest to do
otherwise, because there is choice enough beside, and because many
divines being of the contrary opinion, may make it matter of scruple
and trouble afterwards, to those that venture upon it without need.
_Quest._ IV. What would you have those do that have married
cousin-germans, and now doubt whether it be lawful so to do?
_Answ._ I would have them cast away such doubts, or at least
conclude that it is now their duty to live peaceably in the state in
which they are; and a great sin for them to be separated on such
scruples. The reason is, because, if it be not certain that the degree
is lawful, at least no man can be sure that it is unlawful. And for
husband and wife to break their covenants and part, without a
necessary cause, is a great sin; and that which no man can prove to be
a sin, is no necessary or lawful cause of a divorce. Marriage duties
are certainly commanded to the married, but the marriage of
cousin-germans is not certainly forbidden. Therefore if it were a sin
to marry so, to them that doubted; or if they are since fallen into
doubt whether it was not a sin; yet may they be sure that the
continuance of it is a duty, and that all they have to do is to repent
of doing a doubtful thing, but not to part, nor to forbear their
covenanted duties. No, nor to indulge or suffer those troublesome
scruples, which would hinder the cheerful discharge of their duties,
and the comfortable serving of God in their relations.
_Quest._ V. What should those do that are married in those
degrees which are not forbidden by name in Lev. xviii. and yet are at
the same distance from the root with those that are named, and seem to
have the same reason of unlawfulness?
_Answ._ If there be clearly a parity of degree, and also of the
reason of the prohibition, then no doubt but they must part as
incestuous, and not continue in a forbidden state. But because divines
are disagreed whether there be in all instances a parity of the reason
of the prohibition, where there is an equal distance as to degrees;
and so in those cases some think it a duty to be separated, and others
think it enough to repent of their conjunction and not to be
separated, because the case is doubtful, (as the controversy showeth,)
I shall not venture to cast in my judgment in a case, where so many
and such men are disagreed; but shall only advise all to prevent such
troublesome doubts beforehand, and not by rashness to run themselves
into perplexities, when there is no necessity; unless they will call
their carnal ends or sinful passions a necessity.
_Quest._ VI. But if a man do marry in a degree expressly there
forbidden, is it in all cases a sin to continue in that state? If
necessity made such marriage a duty to Adam's children, why may not
necessity make the continuance lawful to others? As suppose the king
or parents command it? suppose the woman will die or be distracted
with grief else? suppose one hath made a vow to marry no other, and
yet cannot live single, &c.? Here I shall suppose, that if a lustful
person marry a kinswoman that he may have change, as foreknowing that
he must be divorced, punishment, and not continuance in the sin, must
be his sentence; and if one that hath married a kinswoman be glad to
be divorced, because he hateth her or loveth change, punishment must
rebuke him, but he must not continue in incest.
_Answ._ 1. Natural necessity justified Adam's children, and such
would now justify you. Yea, the benediction "Increase and multiply,"
did not only allow, but oblige them then to marry, to replenish the
earth (when else mankind would soon have ceased); but so it doth not
us now when the earth is replenished. Yet I deny not, but if a man and
his sister were cast alone upon a foreign wilderness, where they
justly despaired of any other company, if God should bid them there
"increase and multiply," it would warrant them to marry. But else
there is no necessity of it, and therefore no lawfulness. For, 2. A
vicious necessity justifieth not the sin. If the man or woman that
should abstain will be mad or dead with passion, rather than obey God,
and deny and mortify their lust, it is not one sin that will justify
them in another. The thing that is necessary, is to conform their
wills to the law of God; and if they will not, and then say, They
cannot, they must bear what they get by it. 3. And it is no necessity
that is imposed by that command of king or parents, which is against
the law of God. 4. No, nor by a vow neither; for a vow to break God's
law is not an obligation to be kept, but to be repented of; nor is the
necessity remediless which such a one bringeth on himself, by vowing
never to marry any other; seeing chastity may be kept.
_Quest._ VII. Is it lawful for one to marry, that hath vowed
chastity during life, and not to marry, and afterward findeth a
necessity of marrying, for the avoiding of lust and fornication?
_Answ._ I know that many great divines have easily absolved
those, that under popery vowed chastity. The principal part of the
solution of the question, you must fetch from my solution of the Case
of Vows, part iii. chap. v. tit. 2. At the present this shall suffice
to be added to it. 1. Such vows of chastity that are absolute, without
any exceptions of after alterations or difficulties that may arise,
are sinfully made, or are unlawful _quoad actum jurandi_.[8]
2. If parents or others impose such oaths and vows on their children
or subjects, or induce them to it, it is sinfully done of them, and
the _actus imperantium_ is also unlawful.
3. Yet as long as the _materia jurata_, the matter vowed,
remaineth lawful, the vow doth bind, and it is perfidiousness to break
it. For the sinfulness of the imposer's act proveth no more, but that
such a command did not oblige you to vow. And a vow made arbitrarily
without any command, doth nevertheless bind. And the sinfulness of
the making of the vow, doth only call for repentance; (as if you made
it causelessly, rashly, upon ill motives, and to ill ends, or in ill
circumstances, &c.) But yet that vow which you repent that ever you
made, must be nevertheless kept, if the thing vowed be a lawful thing,
and the act of vowing be not made a nullity (though it was a sin). And
when it is a nullity, I have showed in the forecited place.
4. A vow of celibate or chastity during life, which hath this
condition or exception expressed or implied in the true intent of the
votary, (unless any thing fall out which shall make it a sin to me not
to marry,) may in some cases be a lawful vow; as to one that foreseeth
great inconveniences in marriage, and would by firm resolution fortify
himself against temptations and mutability.
5. If there were no such excepting thought in the person vowing, yet
when the thing becometh unlawful, the vow is not to be kept; though it
oblige us under guilt for sinful making it, yet God commandeth us not
to keep it, because we vowed that which he forbad us not only to vow
but to do.
6. Either the papists suppose such exceptions to be always implied by
their votaries, or at least that they are contained in the law of God,
or else sure they durst never pretend that the pope hath power to
dispense with such vows (as they have oft done for princes, men and
women, that they might be taken from a monastery to a crown). For if
they suppose, that the persons before the dispensation are under the
obligation of their vow, and bound by God to keep it, then it would be
too gross and odious blasphemy for the pope to claim a power of
disobliging them, and dissolving God's commands; and not only
antichristianity, but antitheistical, or a setting himself above God
Almighty, under pretence of his own commission. But if they only
pretend to dissolve such vows judicially or decisively, by judging
when the person is no longer obliged to keep them by God's law, then
they suppose, that the obligation of God's law is ceased, before they
judicially declare it to be ceased. And if that were all that the pope
undertook, he had no power to do it out of his own parish, nor more
than any lawful bishop hath in his proper charge.
7. The matter of a vow of celibate or chastity is then unlawful, when
it cannot be kept without greater sin than that life of chastity
escapeth, and which would be escaped if it were forsaken; or without
the omission of greater duty, and omission of greater good, than that
life of chastity containeth or attaineth. For the further opening of
this, let it be noted, that,
8. It is not every degree of sin which marriage would cure, that will
warrant the breach of a vow of chastity. As if I had some more lustful
thoughts or instigations and irritations in a single life than I
should have if I married. The reason is, because, 1. No man liveth
without some sin, and it is supposed that there are greater sins of
another kind, which by a life of chastity I avoid. And the breach of
the vow itself is a greater matter than a lustful thought.
9. So it is not every degree of good which by marriage I may attain or
do, that will warrant it against a vow of chastity. Because I may do
and get a greater good by chastity, and because the evil of perjury is
not to be done that good may be done by it; till I can prove, that it
is not only good in itself, but a duty _hic et nunc_ to me.
10. A man should rather break his vow of celibate, than once commit
fornication, if there were a necessity that he must do the one.
Because fornication is a sin which no vow will warrant any man to
commit.
11. A man should rather break his vow of celibate, than live in such
constant or ordinary lust, as unfitteth him for prayer, and a holy
life, and keepeth him in ordinary danger of fornication, if there were
a necessity that he must do the one. The reason is also because now
the matter vowed is become unlawful, and no vow can warrant a man to
live in so great sin (unless there were some greater sin on the other
side which could not be avoided in a married life, which is hardly to
be supposed, however popish priests think disobedience to the pope,
and the incommodity and disgrace of a married life, &c. to be a
greater sin than fornication itself).
12. If a prince vow chastity, when it is like to endanger the kingdom
for want of a safe and sure succession, he is bound to break that vow;
because he may not lawfully give away the people's right, nor do that
which is injurious to so many.
13. Whether the command of a parent or prince may dissolve the
obligation of a vow of celibate, I have answered already. I now say
but this, 1. When parents or princes may justly command it, we may
justly obey them. But this is not one of those accidental evils, which
may be lawfully done, though unlawfully commanded. 2. It is parents
that God hath committed more of this care and power to, about
children's marriage, than to princes. 3. Parents not princes may not
lawfully command the breach of such a vow, (not nullified at first,)
except in such cases as disoblige us, whether they do it or not; so
that the resolving of the main case doth suffice for all.
14. He that by lawful means can overcome his lust, to the measure
before mentioned, is under no necessity of violating his vow of single
life.
15. I think that it is not one of twenty that have bodies so
unavoidably prone to lust, but that by due means it might be so far
(though not totally) overcome, without marriage, fornication, wilful
self-pollution, or violent, vexatious, lustful thoughts. That is, 1.
If they employ themselves constantly and diligently in a lawful
calling, and be not guilty of such idleness, as leaveth room in their
minds and imaginations for vain and filthy thoughts. If they follow
such a calling as shall lay a necessity upon them to keep their
thoughts close employed about it. 2. If they use such abstinence and
coarseness in their diet, as is meet to tame inordinate lusts, without
destroying health: and not only avoid fulness and gulosity, and vain
sports and pleasures, but also use convenient fasting, and tame the
body by necessary austerities. 3. If they sufficiently avoid all
tempting company and sights, and keep at a meet distance from them. 4.
If they set such a restraint upon their thoughts as they may do. 5. If
they use such a quality of diet and physic, as is aptest for the
altering of those bodily distempers, which are the cause. 6. And
lastly, If they are earnest in prayer to God, and live in mortifying
meditations, especially in a constant familiarity with a crucified
Christ, and with the grave, and with the heavenly society. He that
breaketh his vow to save himself the labour and suffering of these
ungrateful means, I take to be perfidious, though perhaps he sinfully
made that vow. And no greater number are excusable for continence
after such a vow, than these that have bodies so extraordinary
lustful, as no such other means can tame, and those forementioned that
have extraordinary accidents to make a single life unlawful.
16. It must not be forgotten here, that if men trust to marriage
itself alone as the cure of their lust, without other means, such
violent lusts as nothing else will cure, may possibly be much uncured
afterwards. For adulterers are as violent in their lusts as the
unmarried, and ofttimes find it as hard to restrain them. And
therefore the married, as well as others, have need to be careful to
overcome their lust. And the rather because it is in them a double
sin.
17. But yet when all other means do fail, marriage is God's appointed
means, to quench those flames from which men's vows cannot, in cases
of true necessity, disoblige them.
[1] 1 Cor. vii. 7, 38.
[2] Unmarried men are the best friends, the best masters, the best
servants; but not always the best subjects: for they are light to run
away, and therefore venturous, &c. Lord Bacon, Essay 8.
[3] Wives are young men's mistresses, companions for the middle age,
and old men's nurses. So that a man may have a quarrel to marry when
he will. Lord Bacon, Essay.
[4] Art thou discontented with thy childless state? Remember that of
all the Roman kings, not one of them left the crown to his son.
Plutarch. de Tranq. Anim.
[5] Non bene fit quod occupato animo fit. Hieron. Epist. 5. 3. ad
Paulin.
[6] A single life doth well with churchmen: for charity will hardly
water the ground, where it must fill a pool. Lord Bacon, Essay 8. The
greatest works and foundations have been from childless men, who have
sought to express the image of their minds that have none of their
body: so the care of posterity hath been most in them that had no
posterity. Lord Bacon, Essay 7. He that hath a wife and children hath
given hostages to fortune. For they are impediments to great
enterprises.--The best works, and of greatest merit, for the public,
have proceeded from unmarried and childless men. Id. ibid. Essay 8.
[7] The case of polygamy is so fully and plainly resolved by Christ,
that I take it not to be necessary to decide it, especially while the
law of the land doth make it death.
[8] By this you may see how to resolve the cases about vows and
covenants which are the grand controversies of this time among us.
CHAPTER II.
DIRECTIONS FOR THE RIGHT CHOICE OF SERVANTS AND MASTERS.
PART I.
_Directions for the right Choice of Servants._
SERVANTS being integral parts of the family, who contribute much to
the holiness or unholiness of it, and to the happiness or misery of
it, it much concerneth masters to be careful in their choice. And the
harder it is to find such as are indeed desirable, the more careful
and diligent in it should you be.
_Direct._ I. To bid you choose such as are fittest for your
service, is a direction which nature and interest will give you,
without any persuasions of mine. And indeed it is not mere honesty or
piety that will make a good servant, nor do your work. Three things
are necessary to make a servant fit for you: 1. Strength. 2. Skill. 3.
Willingness. And no two of these will serve without the third.
Strength and skill without willingness, will do nothing: skill and
willingness without strength, can do nothing: strength and willingness
without skill, will do as bad or worse than nothing. No less than all
will make you a good servant. Therefore choose one, 1. That is
healthful. 2. That hath been used to such work as you must employ him
in: and, 3. One that is not of a flesh-pleasing, or lazy, sluggish
disposition. For to exact labour from one that is sickly will seem
cruelty; and to expect labour from one that is unskilful and
unexercised will seem folly; and heavy, fleshly, slothful persons,
will do all with so much unwillingness, and pain, and weariness, that
they will think all too much, and their service will be a continual
toil and displeasure to them, and they will think you wrong them, or
deal hardly with them, if you will not allow them in their fleshliness
and idleness. Yea, though they should have grace, a phlegmatic,
sluggish, heavy body, will never be fit for diligent service, any more
than a tired horse for travel.
_Direct._ II. If it be possible, choose such as have the fear of
God, or at least such as are tractable and willing to be taught, and
not such as are ungodly, sensual, and profane. For, 1. "God hateth all
the workers of iniquity," Psal. v. 5. And it tendeth not to the
blessing or safety of your family, to have in it such as are enemies
to God, and hated by him. You cannot expect an equal blessing on their
labours, as you may on the service of those that fear him. The wicked
may bring a curse on the families where they are (if you wilfully
entertain them); when a Joseph may be a blessing even to the house of
an unbeliever. A wicked man will be renewing those crimes, which will
be the shame of your family, and a grief to your hearts, if you have
any love to God yourselves; when a godly servant will pray for a
blessing from God upon his labours, and is himself under a promise,
that "whatever he doth shall prosper," Psal. i. 3. 2. Ungodly servants
for the most part will be mere eye-servants; they will do little more
than they find necessary to escape reproof and blame: some few of
them, indeed, out of love to their masters, or out of a desire of
praise, or to make their places the better to themselves, will be
diligent and trusty: but ordinarily they are deceitful, and study more
to seem good servants, than to be such, and to hide their faults, than
to avoid them; for they make no great matter of conscience of it, nor
do they regard the eye of God: whereas a truly godly servant will do
all your service in obedience to God, as if God himself had bid him do
it, and as one that is always in the presence of that Master, whose
favour he preferreth before all the world. He is more careful to
please God, who commandeth him to be faithful, than to please you by
seeming better than he is: he is moved more to his duty by the reward
which God hath promised him, than by the wages which he expecteth from
you: he hath a tender, purified conscience, which will hold him to his
duty, as well when you know it not, as when you stand by. 3.
Ordinarily, ungodly servants will be false, if they have but
opportunity to enrich themselves by deceiving you; especially those
that are intrusted in laying out money, in buying and selling. As long
as I name no particular persons, I think it no untrustiness, but my
duty, to warn masters whom they trust, by my experience from the
confessions of those that have been guilty. Many servants whom God
hath converted to his love and fear, have told me how constantly they
deceived their masters in buying and selling before their conversion;
even of so great sums of money, that some of them were not able to
restore it (when I made them know it was their duty so far as they
were able): and some of them had so much unquietness of conscience
till it was restored, that I have been fain to give them money to
restore, when I have convinced them of it: so that I know by such
confessions, that such deceit and robbing of their masters is a very
ordinary thing among ungodly servants that have, opportunity, that yet
pass for very trusty servants, and are never discovered. 4. Also an
ungodly servant will be a tempter to the rest, and will be drawing
them to sin: especially to secret wantonness, and uncivil carriage, if
not to actual fornication; and to revellings, and merriments, and
fleshly courses: by swearing, and taking God's name in vain, and
cursing, and lying, they will teach your children and other servants
to do the like; and so be an infectious pestilence in your families.
5. And they will hinder any good which you would do on others. If
there be any in your family under convictions, and in a hopeful way to
a better condition, they will quench all, and discourage them, and
hinder their conversion; partly by their contradicting cavils, and
partly by their scorns, and partly by their diverting, idle talk, and
partly by their ill examples, and alluring them to accompany them in
their sin. Whereas, on the contrary, a godly servant will be drawing
the rest of your family to godliness, and hindering them from sin, and
persuading them to be faithful in their duty both to God and you.
_Direct._ III. Yet measure not the godliness of a servant by his
bare knowledge or words, but by his love and conscience. A great deal
of self-conceited talkativeness about religion may stand with an
unsanctified heart and life; and much weakness in knowledge and
utterance, may stand with sincerity. But you may safely judge those
to be truly godly, 1. Who love godliness, and love the word and
servants of God, and hate all wickedness. 2. And those that make
conscience to do their duty, and to avoid known sin both openly and in
secret.
_Direct._ IV. If necessity constrain you to take those that are unfit
and bad, remember that there is the greater duty incumbent on you, to
carry yourself towards them in a diligent, convincing manner, so as
tendeth most to make them better. Take them not as you buy a horse or
an ox, with a purpose only to use them for your work; but remember
they have immortal souls which you take charge of.
PART II.
_Directions for the right Choice of Masters._
Seeing the happiness of a servant, the safety of his soul, and the
comfort of his life, depend very much upon the family and place which
he liveth in, it much concerneth every prudent servant to be very
careful in what place or family he take up his abode, and to make the
wisest choice he can.
_Direct._ I. Above all, be sure that you choose not for mere
fleshly ease and sensuality, and take not that for the best place for
you, where you may have most of your own carnal will and pleasure. I
know that fleshly, graceless servants, will hear this direction with
as ill a will, as a dog when he is forbidden his meat or carrion. I
know I speak against their very nature, and therefore against their
very hearts, and therefore they will think I speak against their
interest and good; and therefore I may persuade them to this course a
hundred times, before they will believe me, or obey my counsel. All
ungodly, fleshly servants, do make these the only signs of a good
place, or desirable service for them: 1. If they may do what work they
will, and avoid that which they dislike; if they may do that which is
easy, and not that which is hard; and that which is an honour to them,
and not that which seemeth inferior and base. 2. If they may work when
they will, and give over when they will. 3. If they may rise when they
will, and go to bed when they will. 4. If they may eat and drink what
they will, and fare well to the pleasing of their appetites. 5. If
they may speak when they will, and what they have a mind to speak. 6.
If they may have leave when they will to sport, and play, and be
wanton and vain, and waste their time, which they call being merry. 7.
If they may wear the best apparel and go fine. 8. If their masters
will be liberal to them, to maintain all this, and will give them what
they would have. 9. If their masters and fellow-servants carry it
respectfully to them, and praise them, and make somebody of them, and
do not dishonour them, nor give them any displeasing words. 10. And if
they are not troubled with the precepts of godliness, nor set to learn
the Scripture, or catechized, nor called to account about the state of
their souls, or the ground of their hopes for the life to come, nor
troubled with much praying, or repeating sermons, or religious
exercise or discourse, or any thing that tendeth to their salvation;
nor be restrained from any sin, which they have a mind to, nor
reproved for it when they have done it. These are an ungodly, carnal
person's conditions, or signs of a good service. Which is, in a word,
to have their own wills and fleshly desires, and not to be crossed by
their masters' wills, or the will of God: which in effect is, to have
the greatest helps to do the devil's will, and to be damned.
_Direct._ II. See that it be your first and principal care, to live
in such a place where you have the greatest helps and smallest
hinderances to the pleasing of God, and the saving of your souls; and
in such a place where you shall have no liberty to sin, nor have your
fleshly will fulfilled, but shall be best instructed to know and do
the will of God, and under him the will of your superiors. It is the
mark of those whom God forsaketh, to be given up to their own wills,
or "to their own hearts' lusts, to walk in their own counsels," Psal.
lxxxi. 12. "To live after the flesh," is the certain way to endless
misery, Rom. viii. 8, 13. To be most subject to the will of God, with
the greatest mortification and denial of our own wills, is the mark of
the most obedient, holy soul. Seeing then that holiness and
self-denial, the loving of God, and the mortifying of the flesh, are
the life of grace, and the health and rectitude of the soul, and the
only way (under Christ) to our salvation; you have great reason to
think that place the best for you, in which you have most helps for
holiness and self-denial: and not only to bear patiently the
strictness of your superiors, and the labour which they put you upon
for your souls, but also to desire and seek after such helps, as the
greatest mercies upon earth. "First seek the kingdom of God and his
righteousness: labour not (first) for the food that perisheth, but for
that which endureth to everlasting life," Matt. vi. 33; John vi. 27.
Take care first that your souls be provided for, and take that for the
best service which helpeth you most in the service of God, to your
salvation.
_Direct._ III. If it be possible, live where there is a faithful,
powerful, convincing minister, whose public teaching and private
counsel you may make use of for your souls. Live not, if you can avoid
it, under an ignorant, dead, unprofitable teacher, that will never
afford you any considerable help to lift up your hearts to a heavenly
conversation. But seeing you must spend the six days in your labour,
live where you have the best helps to spend the Lord's day, for the
quickening and comfort of your souls; that in the strength of that
holy food, you may cheerfully perform your sanctified labours on the
week days following. Be not like those brutish persons, that live as
if there were no life but this; and therefore take care to get a
place, where their bodies may be well fed and clothed, and may have
ease, and pleasure, and preferment for the world; but care not much
what teacher there is, to be their guide to heaven; nor whether ever
they be seriously foretold of the world to come, or not.
_Direct._ IV. Live, if you can obtain so great a mercy, with
superiors that fear God, and will have a care of your souls, as well
as of your bodies, and will require you to do God's service as well as
their own: and not with worldly, ungodly masters, that will use you as
they do their beasts, to do their work, and never take care to further
your salvation. For, 1. The curse of God is in the families of the
ungodly; and who would willingly live in a house that God hath cursed,
any more than in a house that is haunted with evil spirits? But God
himself doth dwell with the godly, and by many promises hath assured
them of his love and blessing. "The curse of the Lord is in the house
of the wicked; but he blesseth the habitation of the just," Prov.
iii. 33. "The wicked are overthrown, and are not; but the house of the
righteous shall stand," Prov. xii. 7. "The house of the wicked shall
be overthrown; but the tabernacle of the upright shall flourish,"
Prov. xiv. 11; so Prov. xv. 25. "The righteous man wisely considereth
the house of the wicked: God overthroweth the wicked for their
wickedness," Prov. xxi. 12. Go not into a falling house. 2. A master
that feareth God, will help to save you from sin and hell, and help
your souls to life eternal: he may do more for you, than if he made
you kings and rulers of the earth. He will hinder you from sin: he
will teach you to know God, and to prepare for your salvation. Whereas
ungodly masters will rather discourage you, and by mocks or
threatenings seek to drive you from a holy life, and use their wit,
and work, and authority, to hinder your salvation: or at best will
take little care of your souls, but think if they provide you food and
wages, they have done their parts. 3. A master that feareth God will
do you no wrong, but will love you as a christian, and his
fellow-servant of Christ, while he commandeth and employeth you as his
own servant, which cannot be expected from ignorant, ungodly, worldly
men.
_Direct._ V. Yet choose such a service as you are fit to undergo,
with the least hinderance of the service of God, and of your souls.
Neither a life of idleness, nor of excess of business, should be
chosen, if you have your choice. For when the mind is overwhelmed with
the cares of your service, and your bodies tired with excessive
labour, you will have little time, or heart, or power, to mind the
matters of your souls with any seriousness. Yea, the Lord's day will
be spent with little comfort, when the toil of the week days hath left
the body fit for nothing but to sleep. A service which alloweth you no
time at all to pray, or read the Scripture, or mind your everlasting
state, is a life more fit for beasts than men.
_Direct._ VI. If you can attain it, live where your fellow-servants
fear God, as well as the master of the family. For fellow-servants
usually converse with one another more frequently and familiarly than
their masters do with any of them. And therefore if a master give you
the most heavenly instructions, the idle, frothy talk of fellow-servants
may blot out all from your memories and hearts. And their derision of
a holy life, or their bad examples, may do more hurt, than the
precepts of the governors can do good. Whereas when a master's
counsels are seconded by the good discourse and practice of
fellow-servants, it is a great encouragement to good, and keepeth the
heart in a continual warmth and resolution.
_Direct._ VII. If you want any one of these accommodations, be
the more diligent in such an improvement of the rest, as may make up
your want. If you have a good teacher and a bad master, improve the
helps of your teacher the more diligently. If you have a bad master
and good fellow-servants, or a good master and bad fellow-servants,
thank God for that which you have, and make the best of it.
_Direct._ VIII. If you would be accommodated yourselves with the
best masters and usage, labour to be the best servants; and then it is
two to one but you may have your choice. Good servants are so scarce,
and so much valued, that the best places would strive for you, if you
will strive to be such. Excel others in labour, and diligence, and
trustiness, and obedience, and gentleness, and patience, and then you
may have almost what places you desire. But if you will yourselves be
idle, and slothful, and deceitful, and false, and disobedient, and
unmannerly, and self-willed, and contentious, and impatient, and yet
think that you must be respected, and used as good and faithful
servants, it is but a foolish expectation. For what obligation is
there upon others, in point of justice, to give you that which you
deserve not? Indeed if any be bound to keep you in mere charity, then
you may plead charity with them and not desert; but if they take you
but as servants, they owe you nothing but what your work and virtues
shall deserve.
CHAPTER III.
A DISPUTATION, OR ARGUMENTS TO PROVE THE NECESSITY OF FAMILY WORSHIP
AND HOLINESS, OR DIRECTIONS AGAINST THE CAVILS OF THE PROFANE, AND
SOME SECTARIES, WHO DENY IT TO BE A THING REQUIRED BY GOD.
_Whether the solemn Worship of God, in and by Families as such, be
of Divine Appointment? Aff._
THAT excellent speech of Mirandula is oft in mind, _Veritatem
philosophia quærit, theologia invenit, religio possidet_. I do
therefore with greater alacrity and delight dispute these points that
are directly religious, that is, immediately practical, than those
that are only remotely such: and though I am loth we should see among
us any wider division _inter philosophum theologum et religiosum_,
than between the fantasy, the intellect, and the will, which never are
found disjunct in any act; or rather, than between the habits of
practical natural knowledge, and the habits of practical supernatural
knowledge, and the practical resolutions, affections, and endeavours,
into which both the former are devolved; yet may we safely and
profitably distinguish, where it would be mortal to divide. If
disputing in our present case, do but tend to, and end in, a religious
performance, we shall then be able to say, we disputed not in vain;
when by experience of the delight and profit of God's work, we
perceive that we do not worship him in vain: otherwise to evince by a
dispute, that God should be worshipped, and not to worship him when we
have done, is but to draw forth our learning, and sharpen our wits, to
plead for our condemnation; as if the accuser wanted our help, or the
Judge of all the world did want evidence or arguments against us,
unless he had it from our own mouth. Concerning the sense of the
terms, I shall say somewhat, both as to the subject, and the
predicate, that we contend not in the dark; and yet but little, lest I
trouble myself and you with needless labours.
1. By the worship of God we mean not only, nor principally, obedience
as such, or service in common things, called Δουλεία: but we mean a
religious performance of some sacred actions, with an intention of
honouring God as God; and that more directly than in common works of
obedience. This being commonly called Λατρεία, is by Austin, and
since him by all the orthodox, appropriated to God alone; and indeed
to give it to any other is contradictory to its definition.
This worship is of two sorts, whereof the first is by an excellency
called worship, viz. When the honouring of God is so directly the end
and whole business of the work, that our own advantage falls in but
impliedly, and in evident subordination: such are the blessed works of
praise and thanksgiving, which we here begin and shall in heaven
perpetuate. Yet see a more admirable mystery of true religion; we
indeed receive more largely from God, and enjoy more fully our own
felicity in him, in these acts of worship, that give all to God, than
in the other, wherein we more directly seek for somewhat from him. And
those are the second sort of worship actions, viz. When the substance
or matter of the work is a seeking or receiving somewhat from God, or
delivering something religiously in his name, and so is more directly
for ourselves; though yet it is God that should be our ultimate end in
this too. You may perceive I make this of three sorts. Whereof the
first consisteth in our religious addresses to God for something that
we want; and is called prayer. The second consisteth in our religious
addresses to God to receive somewhat from him; viz. 1. Instructions,
precepts, promises, threatenings, from his mouth, messengers, &c. 2.
The sacramental signs of his grace in baptism and the Lord's supper.
The third is, when the officers of Christ do in his name solemnly
deliver either his laws or sacraments. His laws either in general by
ordinary preaching, or by a more particular application in acts of
discipline.
2. The word solemn signifies sometimes any thing usual, and so some
derive it, _Solenne est quod fieri solet_. Sometimes that which
is done but on one set day in the year; and so some make
_solenne_ to be _quasi solum semel in anno_. But vulgarly it
is taken, and so we take it here, for both _celebre et usitatum_,
that is, a thing that is not accidentally and seldom, but statedly and
ordinarily to be done, and that with such gravity and honourable
seriousness as beseems a business of such weight.
3. By family we mean, not a tribe or stock of kindred, dwelling in
many houses, as the word is taken oft in Scripture, but I mean a
household.
_Domus et familia_, a household and family, are indeed in economics
somewhat different notions, but one thing. _Domus_ is to _familia_ as
_civitas_ to _respublica_, the former is made the subject of the
latter, the latter the _finis internus_ of the former. And so _Domus
est societas naturæ consentanea, e personis domesticis, vitæ in dies
omnes commode sustentandæ causa, collecta. Familia est ordo domus per
regimen patris-familias in personas sibi subjectas_.
Where note, that to a complete family must go four integral parts,
_Pater-familias_, _mater-familias_, _filius_, _servus_, A father,
mother, son, and servant. But to the essence of a family it sufficeth
if there be but the _pars imperans, et pars subdita_, one head or
governor, either father, mother, master, or mistress; and one or more
governed under this head.
Note therefore, that the governor is an essential part of the family,
and so are some of the governed, (viz. that such there be,) but not
each member. If therefore twenty children or servants shall worship
God without the father, or master of the family, either present
himself, or in some representative, it is not a family worship in
strict sense. But if the head of the family in himself (or delegate or
representative) be present, with any of his children or servants,
though all the rest be absent, it is yet a family duty; though the
family be incomplete and maimed (and so is the duty therefore, if
culpably so performed).
4. When I say in and by a family, I mean not that each must do the
same parts of the work, but that one (either the head, or some one
deputed by him, and representing him) be the mouth, and the rest
performing their parts by receiving instructions, or mentally
concurring in the prayers and praise by him put up. Lastly, By divine
appointment I mean any signification of God's will, that it is men's
duty to perform this; whether a signification by natural means or
supernatural, directly or by consequence, so we may be sure it is
God's will. The sum of the question then is, whether any sacred
actions religiously and ordinarily to be performed to God's honour by
the head of the family, with the rest, be by God's appointment made
our duty? My thoughts of this question I shall reduce to these heads,
and propound in this order. 1. I shall speak of family worship in
general. 2. Of the sorts of that worship in special. 3. Of the time.
I. Concerning the first, I lay down my thoughts in these propositions
following, for limitation and caution, and then prove the main
conclusion.
_Prop._ 1. It is not all sorts of God's worship which he hath
appointed to be performed by families as such; there being some proper
to more public assemblies.
2. More particularly the administration of the sacraments of baptism
and the Lord's supper, are proper to the ministerial or organized
churches, and not common to families: for as they are both of them
committed only to ministers of the gospel, and have been only used by
them for many hundred years in the church; (except that some permitted
others to baptize in case of necessity); so the Lord's supper was
appointed for a symbol and means of a more public communion than that
of families. And though some conjecture the contrary, from its first
institution, and think that as there is a family prayer and church
prayer, family teaching and church teaching, so there should be family
sacraments and church sacraments, yet it is a mistake. For though
Christ administered it to his family, yet it was not as a family, but
as a church. For that which is but one family may possibly be a church
also. This exposition we have from the doctrine and practice of the
apostles, and constant custom of all the churches, which have never
thought the Lord's supper to be a family duty, but proper to larger
assemblies, and administrable only by ordained ministers. Nor will the
reasons drawn from circumcision and the passover prove the contrary:
both because particular churches were not then instituted as now, and
therefore families had the more to do; and because there were some
duties proper to families in the very institution of those sacraments;
and because God gave them a power in those, which he hath not given to
masters of families now in our sacraments.
3. Many thousands do by their own viciousness and negligence disable
themselves, so that they cannot perform what God hath made their duty;
yet it remains their duty still: some disability may excuse them in
part, but not in whole.
I shall now prove, that the solemn worship of God in and by families
as such, is of divine appointment.
_Argument_ I. If families are societies of God's institution,
furnished with special advantages and opportunities for God's solemn
worship, having no prohibition so to use them; then the solemn worship
of God in and by families as such, is of divine appointment. But the
antecedent is true; therefore so is the consequent.
For the parts of the antecedent; 1. That families are societies of
God's institution, needeth no proof.
2. That they are furnished with special advantages and opportunities
may appear by an enumeration of particulars. (1.) There is the
advantage of authority in the ruler of the family, whereby he may
command all that are under him in God's worship, yea, and may inflict
penalties on children and servants that refuse; yea, may cast some out
of the family if they be obstinate. (2.) He hath the advantage of a
singular interest in wife and children, by which he may bring them to
it willingly, that so they may perform a right evangelical worship.
(3.) He hath the advantage of a singular dependence of all upon him
for daily provisions; and of his children for their portions for
livelihood in the world, whereby he may yet further prevail with them
for obedience; he having a power to reward, as well as to punish and
command. (4.) They have the opportunity of cohabitation, and so are
still at hand, and more together, and so in readiness for such
employments. (5.) Being nearest in relation, they are stronglier
obliged to further each other's salvation, and help each other in
serving God. (6.) They have hereby an advantage against all prejudices
and jealousies, which strangeness and mistakes may raise and cherish
among those that live at a greater distance, and so may close more
heartily in God's worship. And their nearness of relation and natural
affections do singularly advantage them for a more affectionate
conjunction, and so for a more forcible and acceptable worship of God,
when they are in it as of one heart and soul. (7.) If any
misunderstanding or other impediment arise, they being still at hand,
have opportunity to remove them, and to satisfy each other; and if any
distempers of understanding, heart, or life, be in the family, the
ruler, by familiarity and daily converse, is enabled more particularly
to fit his reproofs and exhortations, confessions and petitions,
accordingly, which even ministers in the congregations cannot so well
do. So that I have made it evident in this enumeration, that families
have advantages, yea, special and most excellent advantages and
opportunities for the solemn worship of God.
3. The last part of the antecedent was, that they have no prohibition
to use these advantages and opportunities to God's solemn worship. I
add this, lest any should say, though they have such advantages, yet
God may restrain them for the avoiding some greater inconveniencies
another way; as he hath restrained women from speaking in the
assemblies. But, (1.) God hath neither restrained them in the law of
nature, nor in the written law; therefore not at all. He that can show
it in either, let him do it. (2.) I never yet read or heard any
knowing christian once affirm that God hath forbidden families
solemnly to worship him, and therefore I think it needless to prove a
negative, when no man is known to hold the affirmative. Indeed for
some kinds of worship, as preaching and expounding Scripture, some
have prohibited them; but not reading, catechizing, all instructing,
praying, praises, singing psalms, much less all solemn worship wholly.
So much for the antecedent.
I now come to prove the consequence. The foresaid advantages and
opportunities are talents given by God, which they that receive, are
obliged faithfully to improve for God; therefore families having such
advantages and opportunities for God's solemn worship, are bound to
improve them faithfully for God, in the solemn worshipping of him. For
the antecedent, 1. It is unquestionable that these are talents, that
is, improvable mercies given by God. For as none dare deny them to be
mercies, so none dare (I hope) say that God is not the giver of them.
And then, 2. That such talents must be improved faithfully for God,
from whom they are received, is plain, from Matt. xxv. throughout,
especially ver. 14-31. And Luke xx. 10, he requireth the fruits of his
vineyard; and Matt. x. 42, if he intrust us with a cup of cold water,
he expecteth it for a prophet when he calleth for it. And if he
intrust us with outward riches, he expecteth that "we give to him that
asketh," Matt. v. 42; Luke vi. 30, 38; xi. 41; xii. 33. His stewards
must give an account of their stewardships, Luke xvi. 2. Christ
telleth us of all our talents in general, Luke xii. 48, that "Unto
whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required; and to whom
men have committed much, of him they will ask the more." And of our
words in particular Christ tells us, Matt. xii. 36, that "of every
idle word men shall give an account at the day of judgment." Much more
for denying to use both our tongues and hearts in God's worship, when
he gives us such opportunities. "It is required in stewards, that a
man be found faithful," 1 Cor. iv. 2. "As every man hath received the
gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of
the manifold grace of God. If any man speak, let him speak as the
oracles of God," &c. 1 Pet. iv. 10, 11. Many more of the like
scriptures prove the antecedent of the enthymeme, and the consequent
needs no proof.
_Arg._ II. The solemn worship of God in and by families as such,
is required by the very law of nature, therefore it is of divine
institution. The consequence can be denied by no man that renounceth
not reason and nature itself; denying the law of nature to be God's
law, which is indeed partly presupposed in the law supernatural, and
partly rehearsed in it, but never subverted by it. Positives are more
mutable than naturals are.
The antecedent is thus manifested. 1. Natural reason (or the law of
nature) requireth that all men do faithfully improve all the talents
that God hath intrusted them with, to his honour; therefore natural
reason (or the law of nature) doth require, that God be solemnly
worshipped in families, he having given them such advantages as
aforesaid thereunto. 2. The law of nature requireth, that all
societies that have God for their founder or institutor, should, to
their utmost capacities, be devoted to him that founded and instituted
them: but that God is the founder and institutor of families, is known
by the light of nature itself; therefore the law of nature requireth,
that families be to the utmost of their capacities devoted to God; and
consequently, that they solemnly worship him, they being capable of so
doing. I need not prove the major, because I speak only to men that
are possessed of the law of nature mentioned in it; and therefore they
know it themselves to be true. Yet let me so far stay on the
illustration, as to tell you the grounds of it. And, 1. God is the
Alpha and Omega, the first and the last, the principal efficient and
ultimate end of all; and therefore of families. And therefore they
should be for him, as well as they are from him: for "of him, and
through him, and to him are all things." This argument I draw from
nature, which can have no beginning but God, nor any end but God. The
2. I draw from the divine intention, in the fabrication and ordination
of all things. God made all things for himself, and can have no
ultimate end below himself. The 3. I draw from his _jus dominii_,
his right of propriety which he hath over all things, and so over
families as such; they are all absolutely his own alone. And that
which is solely or absolutely a man's own, should be for his use, and
employed to his honour and ends: much more that which is God's, seeing
man is not capable of such a plenary propriety of any thing in the
world, as God hath in all things. 4. I argue _a jure imperii_,
from God's right of government. If he have a full right of government
of families, as families, then families as families must honour and
worship him according to their utmost capacities. But he hath a full
right of absolute government over families as families; therefore--The
consequence of the major is grounded on these two things: 1. That God
himself is the end of his own government: this is proper to his
regimen. All human government is said by politicians to be terminated
ultimately in the public good of the society. But God's pleasure and
glory is the end of his government, and is, as it were, the public or
universal good. 2. In that nature teacheth us, that supreme honour is
due to all that are supreme governors; therefore they are to have the
most honourable titles, of majesty, highness, excellency, &c. and
actions answerable to those titles: Mal. i. 6, "If I be a father,
where is mine honour? if I be a master, where is my fear?" Fear is oft
put for all God's worship. If then there be no family whereof God is
not the Father or Founder, and the Master, or Owner and Governor, then
there is none but should honour and fear him, or worship him, and that
not only as single men, but as families; because he is not only the
Father and Master, the Lord and Ruler of them as men, but also as
families. Honour is as due to the rector, as protection to the
subjects, and in our case much more. God is not a mere titular but
real Governor. All powers on earth are derived from him, and are
indeed his power. All lawful governors are his officers, and hold
their places under him, and act by him. As God therefore is the proper
Sovereign of every commonwealth, and the Head of the church, so is he
the Head of every family. Therefore as every commonwealth should
perform such worship or honour to their earthly sovereign, as is due
to man; so each society should, according to their capacities, perform
divine worship and honour to God. And if any object, That by this rule
commonwealths, as such, must meet together to worship God, which is
impossible; I answer, They must worship him according to their natural
capacities; and so must families according to theirs. The same general
precept obligeth to a diverse manner of duty according to the divers
capacities of the subject. Commonwealths must, in their representatives
at least, engage themselves to God as commonwealths, and worship him
in the most convenient way that they are capable of. Families may meet
together for prayer, though a nation cannot. As an association of
churches, called a provincial or national church, is obliged to
worship God, as well as particular congregations, yet not in one
place; because it is impossible: nature limiteth and maketh the
difference.
And that the obligation of families to honour and worship God, may yet
appear more evidently, consider that God's right of propriety and rule
is twofold, yet each title plenary alone. 1. He is our Owner and Ruler
upon his title of creation. 2. So he is by his right of redemption. By
both these he is not only Lord and Ruler of persons, but families; all
societies being his; and the regimen of persons being chiefly
exercised over them in societies. "All power in heaven and earth is
given unto Christ," Matt. xviii. 18; "and all judgment committed unto
him," John v. 22; "and all things delivered into his hands," John
xiii. 3; "and therefore to him shall every knee bow, both of things in
heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth;" (either with
a bowing of worship, or of forced acknowledgment;) and "every tongue
shall confess that Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God the
Father," Phil. ii. 10. Bowing to and confessing Christ voluntarily to
God's glory, is true worship; all must do this according to their
several capacities; and therefore families according to theirs.
A third consideration, which I thought to have added but for
illustration, may well stand as an argument itself; and it is this:
_Arg._ III. If besides all the forementioned opportunities and
obligations, families do live in the presence of God, and ought by
faith to apprehend that presence, then is it God's will that families
as such should solemnly worship him. But the former is true, therefore
the latter.
The consequence of the major, which alone requires proof, I prove by
an argument _a fortiori_, from the honour due to all earthly
governors. Though when a king, a father, a master are absent, such
actual honour, to be presented to them, is not due, because they are
not capable of receiving it (further than _mediante aliqua persona,
vel re_, which beareth some representation of the superior, or
relation to him); yet when they stand by, it is a contemptuous
subject, a disobedient child, that will not perform actual honour or
human worship to them. Now God is ever present, not only with each
person as such, but also with every family as such. As he is said to
walk among the golden candlesticks in his churches, so doth he in the
families of all by his common presence, and of his servants by his
gracious presence. This they easily find by his directing them, and
blessing the affairs of their families. If any say, We see not God,
else we would daily worship him in our families. _Answ._ Faith seeth
him who to sense is invisible. If one of you had a son that were blind
and could not see his own father, would you think him therefore
excusable, if he would not honour his father, when he knew him to be
present? We know God to be present, though flesh be blind and cannot
see him.
_Arg._ IV. If christian families (besides all the forementioned
advantages and obligations) are also societies sanctified to God, then
is it God's will that families, as such, should solemnly worship him;
but christian families are societies sanctified to God; therefore, &c.
The reason of the consequence is, because things sanctified must in
the most eminent sort, that they are capable, be used for God. To
sanctify a person or thing, is to set it apart, and separate it from a
common or unclean use, and to devote it to God, to be employed in his
service. To alienate this from God, or not to use it for God, when it
is dedicated to him, or sanctified by his own election and separation
of it from common use, is sacrilege. God hath a double right (of
creation and redemption) to all persons. But a treble right to the
sanctified. Ananias his fearful judgment was a sad example of God's
wrath, on those that withhold from him what was devoted to him. If
christian families as such be sanctified to God, they must as such
worship him in their best capacity.
That christian families are sanctified to God I prove thus: 1. A
society of holy persons must needs be a holy society. But a family of
christians is a society of holy persons; therefore, 2. We find in
Scripture not only single persons, but the societies of such,
sanctified to God. Deut. vii. 6, "Thou art an holy people unto the
Lord thy God; he hath chosen thee to be a special people to himself
above all people that are upon the face of the earth." So Deut. xiv.
20, 21. So the body of that commonwealth did all jointly enter into
covenant with God, and God to them, Deut. xxix.; xxx.; and xxvi. 17-19,
"Thou hast vouched the Lord this day to be thy God, and to walk
in his ways; and the Lord hath vouched thee this day to be his
peculiar people, that thou mayst be an holy people to the Lord." So
chap. xxviii. 9; Dan. viii. 24; xii. 7. Joshua, chap. xxiv. devoteth
himself and his house to the Lord; "I and my house will serve the
Lord." And Abraham by circumcision (the covenant, or seal of the
covenant of God) consecrated his whole household to God; and so were
all families after him to do (as to the males, in whom the whole was
consecrated). And whether besides the typifying intent, there were not
somewhat more in the sanctifying of all the first-born to God, who if
they lived, were to be the heads of the families, may be questioned.
The passover was a family duty, by which they were yet further
sanctified to God. Yea, it is especially to be observed how in the New
Testament, the Holy Ghost doth imitate the language of the Old, and
speak of God's people as of holy societies, as the Jews were. As in
many prophecies it was foretold that nations and kingdoms should serve
him (of which I have spoken more in my book of Baptism); and among
those who should "mourn over him whom they have pierced" in gospel
times, when the spirit of grace and supplication is poured forth, are
"the family of the house of David apart, and their wives apart; the
family of the house of Nathan apart, and their wives apart; every
family, even all the families that remained, apart, and their wives
apart," Zech. xi. 12-14. So Christ sendeth his disciples to "baptize
nations," having discipled them; and "the kingdoms of the world shall
become the kingdoms of the Lord, and his Christ." And as, Exod. xix.
5, 6, God saith of the Jews, "Ye shall be a peculiar treasure to me
above all people; and ye shall be unto me a kingdom of priests, and a
holy nation;" so doth Peter say of all christians, 1 Pet. ii. 5-7, 9,
"Ye also, as living stones, are built up a spiritual house, an holy
priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God by
Jesus Christ. But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an
holy nation, a peculiar people, that you should show forth the praises
of him that hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous
light." Mark how fully this text doth prove all that we are about. It
speaks of christians collectively, as in societies, and in societies
of all the most eminent sorts: "a generation;" which seems especially
to refer to tribes and families: "a priesthood, nation, people;" which
comprehendeth all the orders in the nation ofttimes. And in all these
respects they are holy, and peculiar, and chosen, to show, that God's
people are sanctified in these relations and societies. And then mark
the end of this sanctification; ver. 5, "to offer up spiritual
sacrifices acceptable to God by Jesus Christ;" ver. 9, "to show forth
the praises of him that hath called you," &c.
Yea, it seems that there was a special dedication of families to God.
And therefore we read so frequently of households converted and
baptized: though none at age were baptized, but such as seemed
believers; yet when they professed faith, they were all together
initiated as a household. And it seems, the master's interest and duty
were taken to be so great for the conversion of the rest, that as he
was not content himself with his own conversion, but to labour
presently, even before his baptism, that his household should join
with him, that so the whole family at once might be devoted to God; so
God did bless this his own order and ordinance to that end: and where
he imposed duty on masters, he usually gave success, so that commonly
the whole family was converted and baptized with the ruler of the
family. So Acts xviii. 8, "Crispus believed on the Lord with all his
house, and they were baptized;" and Acts xvi. 32, Paul promiseth the
jailer, "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved and
thy house; and he and all his were baptized straightway; for he
believed in God with all his house," ver. 33, 34. And Lydia is
described a "worshipper of God," Acts xvi. 14; and ver. 15, "she was
baptized and her household." And the angel told Cornelius, that Peter
should tell him "words whereby he and all his household should be
saved," who were baptized accordingly, Acts xi. 14. And 1 Cor. i. 16,
Paul baptized the household of Stephanas. And Christ told Zaccheus,
salvation was come that day unto his house, "and he and all his
household believed." So that nobleman, John iv. 53. Therefore when
Christ sent forth his disciples, he saith, "If the house be worthy,
let your peace come upon it, but if it be not worthy, let your peace
return to you." So that as it is apparently the duty of every
christian sovereign, to do what he is able to make all his people
God's people; and so to dedicate them to God as a holy nation, in
a national covenant, as the Israelites were: so is it the
unquestionable duty of every christian ruler of a family, to improve
his interest, power, and parts to the uttermost, to bring all his
family to be people of Christ in the baptismal covenant, and so to
dedicate all his family to Christ. Yet further I prove this, in that
believers themselves being all sanctified to God, it must needs
follow, that all their lawful relations, and especially all commanded
states of relation, are also sanctified to God; for when themselves
are dedicated to God, it is absolutely without reserve, to serve him
with all that they have, and in every relation and capacity that he
shall set them. It were a madness to think, that a christian totally
devoted unto God when he is a private man, if he were after made a
soldier, a minister, a magistrate, a king, were not bound by his
dedication now to serve God as a soldier, a minister, a magistrate, a
king. So he that is devoted to God in a single state, is bound to
serve him as a husband, a father, a master, when he comes into that
state: we do devote all that we have to God, when we devote ourselves
to him.
Moreover the Scripture tells us, that to "the pure all things are
pure," Tit. i. 15, 16. And "all things are sanctified to them by the
word and prayer," 1 Tim. iv. 5; which is in that they are made the
goods and enjoyments, actions and relations of a sanctified people,
who are themselves devoted or sanctified to God: so that all
sanctification referreth ultimately and principally to God; _Quod
sanctum Deo sanctum est_; though it may be said subordinately to be
sanctified to us. Seeing then it is past all doubt that every
christian is a man sanctified and devoted to God, and that whenever
any man is so devoted to God, he is devoted to serve him to the utmost
capacity in every state, relation, or condition that he is in, and
with all the faculties he possesseth, it followeth that those
relations are sanctified to God, and in them he ought to worship him
and honour him.
Yet further we find in Scripture, that the particular family relations
are expressly sanctified. The family complete consisteth of three
pairs of relations; husband and wife, parents and children, masters
and servants. Husbands must love their wives with a holy love in the
Lord, even as "the Lord loved the church, who gave himself for it, to
sanctify and cleanse it by the washing of water by the word, that he
might present it to himself a glorious church," Eph. v. 25-27. "Wives
must submit themselves to their husbands as unto the Lord; and be
subject to them, as the church is to Christ," Eph. v. 22-24. "Children
must obey their parents in the Lord," Eph. vi. 1. "Parents must bring
up their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord," Eph. vi. 4.
"Servants must be obedient unto their masters as unto Christ, and
as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from their hearts
with good will, doing service as to the Lord, and not to man; knowing
that what good thing any man doth, the same shall he receive of the
Lord, whether he be bond or free: and masters must do the same to
them, knowing that their Master is in heaven," Eph. vi. 5-9. So that
it is evident that every distinct family relation is dedicated or holy
to God and to be used to the utmost for God. I shall have occasion to
make further use anon of these texts for the particular sorts of
worship, though I now make use of them as for worship in general.
_Arg._ V. The several sorts of solemn worship in and by christian
families, are found, appointed, used, and commanded in the Scripture,
therefore it may well be concluded of worship in the general; seeing
the genus is in each species. But this argument brings me to the
second part of my undertaking; viz. to prove the point as to some
special kinds of worship; which I the more hasten to, because in so
doing I prove the general also.
II. Concerning God's worship in special, I shall speak but to two or
three of the chief parts of it, which belong to families.
And, 1. of teaching, under which I comprise,
1. Teaching the letter of the Scripture, (1.) By reading it. (2.) By
teaching others to read it. (3.) Causing them to learn it by memory,
which is a kind of catechising.
2. Teaching the sense of it.
3. Applying what is so taught by familiar reproofs, admonitions, and
exhortations.
_Prop._ II. It is the will of God that the rulers of families
should teach those that are under them the doctrine of salvation, i.e.
the doctrine of God concerning salvation, and the terms on which it
is to be had, and the means to be used for attaining it, and all the
duties requisite on our parts in order thereunto.
Before I come to the proof, take these cautions: 1. Where I say men
must thus teach, I imply they must be able to teach, and not teach
before they are able; and if they be not able it is their own sin, God
having vouchsafed them means for enablement. 2. Men must measure their
teaching according to their abilities, and not pretend to more than
they have, nor attempt that which they cannot perform, thereby
incurring the guilt of proud self-conceitedness, profanation, or other
abuse of holy things. For example, men that are not able judiciously
to do it, must not presume to interpret the original, or to give the
sense of dark prophecies, and other obscure texts of Scripture, nor to
determine controversies beyond their reach. 3. Yet may such
conveniently study what more learned, able men say to such cases; and
tell their families, this is the judgment of fathers, or councils, or
such and such learned divines. 4. But ordinarily it is the safest,
humblest, wisest, and most orderly way for the master of the family to
let controversies and obscure Scriptures alone, and to teach the
plain, few necessary doctrines commonly contained in catechisms, and
to direct in matters of necessary practice. 5. Family teaching must
stand in a subordination to ministerial teaching, as families are
subordinate to churches; and therefore, (1.) Family teaching must give
place to ministerial teaching, and never be set against it; you must
not be hearing the master of a family, when you should be in a church
hearing the pastor; and if the pastor send for servants or children to
be catechised in any fit place or at any fit time, the master is not
then to be doing it himself, or to hinder them, but they must go first
to the pastor to be taught; also if a pastor come into a family, the
master is to give place, and the family to hear him first. (2.) And
therefore when any hard text or controversies fall in, the master
should consult with the pastor for their exposition, unless it fall
out that the master of the family be better learned in the Scripture
than the pastor is, which is rare, and rarer should be, seeing
unworthy ministers should be removed, and private men that are worthy
should be made ministers. And the pastors should be the ablest men in
the congregation. Now to the proof (remembering still that whatsoever
proves it the ruler's duty to teach, must needs prove it the family's
duty to learn, and to hearken to his teaching that they may learn).
_Arg._ I. From Deut. xi. 18-21, "Therefore shall you lay up these
my words in your hearts, and in your soul, and bind them for a sign
upon your hand, that they may be as frontlets between your eyes; and
you shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou
sittest in thy house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou
liest down, and when thou risest up; and thou shalt write them upon
the door-posts of thy house, and upon your gates; that your days may
be multiplied, and the days of your children." The like words are in
Deut. vi. 6-8, where it is said, "And thou shalt teach them diligently
unto thy children." So Deut. iv. 9, "Teach them thy sons, and thy
sons' sons."
Here there is one part of family duty, viz. teaching children the laws
of God, as plainly commanded as words can express it.
_Arg._ II. From these texts which commend this. Gen. xviii. 18, 19,
"All the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him, for I know
him that he will command his children and his household after him; and
they shall keep the way of the Lord;" and it was not only a command at
his death what they should do when he was dead; for, 1. It cannot be
imagined that so holy a man should neglect a duty all his lifetime,
and perform it but at death, and be commended for that. 2. He might
then have great cause to question the efficacy. 3. As God commandeth a
diligent inculcating precepts on children, so no doubt it is a
practice answerable to such precepts that is here commended; and it is
not bare teaching, but commanding, that is here mentioned, to show
that it must be an improvement of authority, as well as of knowledge
and elocution.
So 2 Tim. iii. 15. From a child Timothy knew the Scripture by the
teaching of his parents, as appeareth, 2 Tim. i. 5.
_Arg._ III. Eph. vi. 4, "Bring them up in the nurture and
admonition of the Lord;" παιδεία, translated nurture, signifieth
both instruction and correction, showing that parents must use both
doctrine and authority, or force, with their children for the matters
of the Lord; and νουθεσία, translated admonition, signifieth such
instruction as putteth doctrine into the mind, and chargeth it on
them, and fully storeth their minds therewith; and it also signifieth
chiding, and sometimes correction. And it is to be noted, that
children must be brought up in this; the word ἐκτρέφετε, signifying
carefully to nourish, importeth that as you feed them with milk and
bodily food, so you must as carefully and constantly feed and nourish
them with the nurture and admonition of the Lord. It is called the
nurture and admonition of the Lord, because the Lord commandeth it,
and because it is the doctrine concerning the Lord, and the doctrine
of his teaching, and the doctrine that leadeth to him.
_Arg._ IV. Prov. xxii. 6, "Train up a child in the way where he
should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."
_Arg._ V. From all those places that charge children to hearken
to the instructions of their parents, Prov. i. 8, "My son, hear the
instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother."
Prov. vi. 20 is the like; and iii. 22, with many the like. Yea, the
son that is stubborn and rebellious against the instruction and
correction of a father or mother in gluttony, drunkenness, &c. was to
be brought forth to the magistrate, and stoned to death, Deut. xxi.
18-20. Now all the scriptures that require children to hear their
parents, do imply that the parents must teach their children; for
there is no hearing and learning without teaching.
But lest you say that parents and children are not the whole family,
(though they may be, and in Abraham's ease before mentioned, the whole
household is mentioned,) the next shall speak to other relations.
_Arg._ VI. 1 Pet. iii. 7, "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them
(your wives) according to knowledge;" and Eph. v. 25, 26, "Love your
wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it, that he
might sanctify and cleanse it." And this plainly implies that this
knowledge must be used for the instruction and sanctification of the
wife. 1 Cor. xiv. 34, 35, women must "keep silence in the church, for
it is not permitted unto them to speak, but they are to be under
obedience, as also saith the law. If they will learn any thing, let
them ask their husbands at home." Which shows that at home their
husbands must teach them.
_Arg._ VII. Col. iii. 22-25; Eph. vi. 5-8, "Servants must be
obedient unto their masters as unto Christ, and serve them as serving
the Lord Christ," and therefore ministers must command in Christ.
_Arg._ VIII. _A fortiori_, fellow-christians must "exhort
one another daily while it is called to-day, lest any be hardened by
the deceitfulness of sin;" much more must the rulers of families do so
to wives, children, and servants. 1 Pet. iv. 11, "If any speak, it
must be as the oracles of God;" much more to our own families. Col.
iii. 16, "Let the word of God dwell in you richly in all wisdom,
teaching and admonishing one another;" and much more must a man do
this to wife, children, and servants, than to those more remote.
_Arg._ IX. Those that are to be chosen deacons or bishops, must
be such as rule their own children and their own household well,
1 Tim. iii. 4, 12. Now mark, 1. That this is one of those christian
virtues which they were to have before they were made officers,
therefore other christians must have and perform it as well as they.
2. It is a religious, holy governing, such as a minister is to
exercise over his flock, that is here mentioned, which is in the
things of God and salvation, or else the comparison or argument would
not suit; ver. 5, "For if a man know not how to rule his own house,
how shall he rule the church of God?" But of this more before. I would
say more on this point, but I think it so clear in Scripture as to
make it needless: I pass therefore to the next.
_Prop._ III. Family discipline is part of God's solemn worship or
service appointed in his word. This is not called worship in so near a
sense as some of the rest, but more remotely; yet so it may well be
called, in that, 1. It is an authoritative act done by commission from
God; 2. Upon such as disobey him, and as such; 3. And to his glory;
yea, and it should be done with as great solemnity and reverence, as
other parts of worship.
The acts of this discipline are, 1. Denying the ungodly entrance into
the family. 2. Correcting; 3. Or casting out those that are in. I
shall be but brief on these.
1. The first you have 2 John 10, "If there come any to you and bring
not this doctrine, receive him not into your house, neither bid him
God speed; for he that biddeth him God speed is partaker of his evil
deeds."
2. The duty of correcting, either by corporal, sensible punishment, or
by withdrawing some benefit, is so commonly required in Scripture,
especially towards children, that I will not stand on it, lest I speak
in vain what you all know already; and how Eli suffered for neglecting
it, you know.
3. The discipline of casting the wicked out of the family (servants I
mean, who are separable members) you may find Psal. ci. 2, 3, 7, 8, "I
will walk within my house with a perfect heart, I will set no wicked
thing before mine eyes. He that worketh deceit shall not dwell within
my house; he that telleth lies shall not tarry in my sight."
_Prop._ IV. Solemn prayer and praises of God in and by christian
families is of divine appointment.
1. For proof of this, I must desire you to look back to all the
arguments which proved the dueness of worship in general, for they
will yet more especially prove this sort of worship, seeing prayer and
praise are most immediately and eminently called God's worship of any;
(under praises I comprehend psalms of praise, and under prayer, psalms
of prayer;) yet let us add some more.
_Arg._ I. It is God's will that christians who have fit occasions
and opportunities for prayer and praises should improve them, but
christian families have fit occasions and opportunities for prayer and
praise, therefore it is God's will they should improve them.
The major is evident in many Scripture precepts. 1 Tim. ii. 8, "I will
therefore that men pray every where, lifting up holy hands, without
wrath and doubting." 1 Thess. v. 17, 18, "Pray without ceasing; in
every thing give thanks; for this is the will of God concerning you."
Col. iv. 2, "Continue in prayer, and watch in the same with
thanksgiving." Col. iii. 16, 17, "Teaching and admonishing one another
in psalms, and hymns, and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your
hearts unto the Lord: and whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in
the name of the Lord Jesus; giving thanks unto God and the Father by
him." Rom. xii. 12, "Continuing instant in prayer." "Praying always
with all prayer and supplication in the spirit, and watching thereunto
with all perseverance and supplication for all saints; and for me that
utterance may be given me," Eph. vi. 18. Many the like texts might be
named, every one of which afford an argument for family praises most
effectual.
1. If men must pray every where, (that is convenient,) then sure in
their families. But, &c. Erg. 2. If men must pray without ceasing,
then sure in their families. 3. If men must in every thing give
thanks, then sure in family mercies, and then, according to the nature
of them, together. 4. If men must continue in prayer and watch in it,
(for fit advantages and against impediments,) and in thanksgiving,
then doubtless they must not omit the singular advantages which are
administered in families. 5. If we must continue instant in prayer and
supplication, &c. then doubtless in family prayer, in our families,
unless that be no place and no prayer. _Object._ But this binds
us no more to prayer in our families than any where else. _Answ._
Yes, it binds us to take all fit opportunities; and we have more fit
opportunities in our own families than in other men's, or than in
occasional meetings, or than in any ordinary societies, except the
church.
And here let me tell you, that it is ignorance to call for particular
express Scripture, to require praying in families, as if we thought
the general commands did not comprehend this particular, and were not
sufficient. God doth in much wisdom leave out of his written law the
express determination of some of those circumstantials, or the
application of general precepts to some of those subjects, to which
common reason and the light of nature sufficeth to determine and apply
them. The Scripture giveth us the general, "Pray alway with all manner
of prayer in all places," that is, omit no fit advantages and
opportunities for prayer. What if God had said no more than this about
prayer in Scripture? It seems some men would have said, God hath not
required us to pray at all, (when he requireth us to pray always,)
because he tells us not when and where, and how oft, and with whom,
and in what words, &c. And so they would have concluded God no where
bids us pray in secret, nor pray in families, nor pray in assemblies,
nor pray with the godly, nor with the wicked, nor pray every day, nor
once a week; nor with a book, nor without a book, and therefore not at
all. As if the general "Pray on all fit occasions" were nothing.
But these men must know that nature also and reason are God's light,
and Providence oft determineth of such subjects and adjuncts: and the
general law, and these together, do put all out of doubt. What if God
telleth you, He that provideth not for his own, especially those of
his household, hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel,
and do not tell you either who are your families, and who not, nor
what provision you shall make for them, what food, what clothes, or
how oft they must feed, &c.; will you say God hath not bid you feed or
clothe this child, or that servant? It is enough that God chargeth you
to provide for your families, in the Scripture; and that in nature he
tell you which are your families, and what provision to make for them,
and how oft, and in what quantity, &c. And so if God bid you pray in
all places, and at all times, on all occasions, (that are fit for
prayer,) and experience and common reason tell you that families
afford most fit times, place, and occasions for prayer, is not this
enough, that there are such seasons, and opportunities, and occasions
for family prayer? I refer you to the particular discoveries of them
in the beginning, where I proved the dueness of worship in general to
be there performed. And I refer you also to common reason itself, not
fearing the contradiction of any man whose impiety hath not made him
unreasonable, and prevailed against the common light of nature. This
first general argument were enough, if men were not so averse to their
duty that they cannot know because they will not: but let us therefore
add some more.
_Arg._ II. If there be many blessings which the family needeth,
and which they do actually receive from God, then it is the will of
God that the family pray for these blessings when they need them, and
give thanks for them when they have received them: but there are many
blessings which the family (as conjunct) needeth and receiveth of God.
Therefore the family conjunct, and not only particular members
secretly, should pray for them and give thanks for them.
The antecedent is past question; 1. The continuance of the family as
such in being. 2. In well being. 3. And so the preservation and
direction of the essential members. 4. And the prospering of all
family affairs are evident instances: and to descend to mere
particulars would be needless tediousness. The consequence is proved
from many scriptures, which require those that want mercies to ask
them, and those that have received them to be thankful for them.
_Object._ So they may do singly. _Answ._ It is not only as
single persons, but as a society, that they receive the mercy;
therefore not only as single persons, but as a society, should they
pray and give thanks: therefore should they do it in that manner, as
may be most fit for a society to do it in, and that is, together
conjunctly, that it may be indeed a family sacrifice, and that each
part may see that the rest join with them. And especially that the
ruler may be satisfied in this, to whom the oversight of the rest is
committed: to see that they all join in prayer, which in secret he
cannot see, it being not fit that secret prayer should have spectators
or witness, that is, should not be secret. But this I intended to make
another argument by itself; which because we are fallen on it, I will
add next.
_Arg._ III. If God hath given charge to the ruler of the family
to see that the rest do worship him in that family, then ought the
ruler to cause them solemnly or openly to join in that worship. But
God hath given charge to the ruler of the family, to see that the rest
do worship him in that family; therefore, &c.
The reason of the consequence is, because otherwise he can with no
convenience see that they do it. For, 1. It is not fit that he should
stand by while they pray secretly. 2. Nor are they able vocally to do
it, in most families, but have need of a leader; it being not a thing
to be expected of every woman, and child, and servant, (that had
wanted good education,) that they should be able to pray without a
guide, so as is fit for others to hear. 3. It would take almost all
the time of the ruler of many families, to go to them one after
another, and stand by them while they pray, till all have done: what
man in his wits can think this to be so fit a course, as for the
family to join together, the ruler being the mouth?
The antecedent I prove thus: 1. The fourth commandment requireth the
ruler of the family not only to see that himself sanctify the sabbath
day, but also that his son and daughter, and man-servant, and
maid-servant, his cattle, (that is, so far as they are capable,) yea,
and the stranger that is within his gates, should do it. 2. It was
committed to Abraham's charge to see that all in his family were
circumcised: so was it afterwards to every ruler of a family; insomuch
as the angel threatened Moses, when his son was uncircumcised. 3. The
ruler of the family was to see that the "passover" was kept by every
one in his family, Exod. xii. 2,3, &c.; and so the "feast of weeks,"
Deut. xxvi. 11, 12. All that is said before tendeth to prove this, and
much more might be said, if I thought it would be denied.
_Arg._ IV. If God prefer, and would have us prefer, the prayers
and praises of many conjunct, before the prayers and praises of those
persons dividedly, then is it his will that the particular persons of
christian families should prefer conjunct prayer and praises before
disjunct: but the antecedent is true, therefore so is the consequent.
Or thus, take it for the same argument or another. If it be the duty
of neighbours, when they have occasion and opportunity, rather to join
together in praises of common concernment, than to do it dividedly,
then much more is this the duty of families: but it is the duty of
neighbours; therefore, &c.
In the former argument the reason of the consequence is, because that
way is to be taken that God is best pleased with. The reason of the
consequence in the latter is, because family members are more nearly
related than neighbours, and have much more advantage and opportunity
for conjunction, and more ordinary reasons to urge them to it, from
the conjunction of their interest and affairs.
There is nothing needs proof but the antecedent, which I shall put
past all doubt by these arguments. 1. Col. iii. 16, "Teaching and
admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs,
singing with grace in your hearts unto the Lord." Here is one duty of
praise required to be done together, and not apart only. I shall yet
make further use of this text anon. 2. Acts xii. 12, "Many were
gathered together praying in Mary's house, when Peter came to the
door." This was not an assembly of the whole church, but a small part:
they judged it better to pray together than alone. 3. Acts xx. 36,
Paul prayed together with all the elders of the church of Ephesus,
when he had them with him; and did not choose rather to let them pray
each man alone. 4. James v. 15, 16, James commands the sick to "send
for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, and the
prayer of the faithful shall save the sick," &c. He doth not bid send
to them to pray for you; but he would have them join together in doing
it. 5. Church prayers are preferred before private on this ground, and
we commanded not to forsake the assembling of ourselves together, Heb.
x. 25. 6. Striving together in prayer is desired, Rom. xv. 30. 7.
Matt. xviii. 20, "For where two or three are gathered together in my
name, there am I in the midst of them." 8. Therefore Christ came among
the disciples when they were gathered together, after his
resurrection: and sent down the Holy Ghost when they were gathered
together, Acts ii. "And they continued with one accord in prayer and
supplication," Acts i. 14, 24; ii. 42. "And when they had prayed, the
place was shaken where they had assembled together, and they were all
filled with the Holy Ghost," &c. Acts iv. 31. 9. Is not this implied,
in Christ's directing his disciples to pray in the plural number, "Our
Father," &c. "Give us this day," &c. 10. The very necessity of the
persons proves it, in that few societies are such but that most are
unable to express their own wants so largely as to affect their
hearts, so much as when others do it that are better stored with
affection and expression. And this is one of God's ways for communion
and communication of grace; that those that have much may help to warm
and kindle those that have less. Experience telleth us the benefit of
this. As all the body is not an eye or hand, so not a tongue, and
therefore the tongue of the church and of the family must speak for
the whole body: not but that each one ought to pray in secret too:
but, (1.) There the heart without the tongue may better serve turn.
(2.) They still ought to prefer conjunct prayer. And, (3.) The
communion of saints is an article of our creed, which binds us to
acknowledge it fit to do as much of God's work as we can in communion
with the saints, not going beyond our callings, nor into confusion.
_Arg._ V. It is a duty to receive all the mercies that God
offereth us: but for a family to have access to God in joint prayers
and praises, is a mercy that God offereth them; therefore it is their
duty to accept it. The major is clear in nature and Scripture, Because
I have offered and ye refused, is God's great aggravation of the sin
of the rebellious. "How oft would I have gathered you together, and ye
would not! All the day long have I stretched out my hand," &c. To
refuse an offered kindness, is contempt and ingratitude. The minor is
undeniable by any christian, that ever knew what family prayers and
praises were. Who dare say that it is no mercy to have such a joint
access to God? Who feels not conjunction somewhat help his own
affections, who makes conscience of watching his heart?
_Arg._ VI. Part of the duties of families are such that they
apparently lose their chiefest life and excellency if they be not
performed jointly; therefore they are so to be performed.
I mean, singing of psalms, which I before proved an ordinary duty of
conjunct christians, therefore of families. The melody and harmony are
lost by our separation, and consequently the alacrity and quickening
which our affections should get by it. And if part of God's praises
must be performed together, it is easy to see that the rest must be so
too. (Not to speak of teaching, which cannot be done alone.)
_Arg._ VII. Family prayer and praises are a duty owned by the
teaching and sanctifying work of the Spirit; therefore they are of
God.
I would not argue backwards from the Spirit's teaching to the word's
commanding, but on these two suppositions; 1. That the experiment is
very general, and undeniable. 2. That many texts of Scripture are
brought already for family prayer; and that this argument is but to
second them and prove them truly interpreted. The Spirit and the word
do always agree: if therefore I can prove that the Spirit of God doth
commonly work men's hearts to a love and savour of these duties,
doubtless they are of God. Sanctification is a transcript of the
precepts of the word on the heart, written out by the Spirit of God.
So much for the consequence.
The antecedent consisteth of two parts; 1. That the sanctified have in
them inclinations to these duties. 2. That these inclinations are from
the Spirit of God. The first needs no proof, being a matter of
experience. I appeal to the heart of every sound and stable christian,
whether he feel not a conviction of this duty and an inclination to
the performance of it. I never met with one such to my knowledge that
was otherwise minded. _Object._ Many in our times are quite
against family prayer, who are good christians. _Answ._ I know
none of them. I confess I once thought some very good christians that
now are against them, but now they appear otherwise, not only by this
but by other things. I know none that cast off these duties, but they
took up vile sins in their stead, and cast off other duties as well as
these: let others observe and judge as they find. 2. The power of
delusion may for a time make a christian forbear as unlawful, that
which his very new nature is inclined to. As some think it unlawful to
pray in our assemblies, and some to join in sacraments: and yet they
have a spirit within them that inclineth their hearts to it still, and
therefore they love it, and wish it were lawful, even when they
forbear it upon a conceit that it is unlawful. And so it is possible
for a time some may do by family duties: but as I expect that these
ere long recover, so for my part I take all the rest to be graceless:
prejudice and error as a temptation may prohibit the exercise of a
duty, when yet the Spirit of God doth work in the heart an inclination
to that duty in sanctifying it. 2. And that these inclinations are
indeed from the Spirit is evident, 1. In that they come in with all
other grace. 2. And by the same means. 3. And are preserved by the
same means, standing or falling, increasing or decreasing, with the
rest. 4. And are to the same end. 5. And are so generally in all the
saints. 6. And so resisted by flesh and blood. 7. And so agreeable to
the word, that a christian sins against his new nature, when he
neglects family duties. And God doth by his Spirit create a desire
after them, and an estimation of them in every gracious soul.
_Arg._ VIII. Family prayer and praises are a duty ordinarily
crowned with admirable, divine, and special blessings: therefore it is
of God; the consequence is evident. For though common, outward
prosperity may be given to the wicked, who have their portion in this
life, yet so is not prosperity of soul.
For the antecedent I willingly appeal to the experience of all the
holy families in the world. Who ever used these duties seriously, and
found not the benefits? What families be they, in which grace and
heavenly-mindedness prosper, but those that use these duties? Compare
in all your towns, cities, and villages, the families that read
Scriptures, pray, and praise God, with those that do not, and see the
difference: which of them abound more with impiety, with oaths, and
cursings, and railings, and drunkenness, and whoredoms, and
worldliness, &c.; and which abound most with faith, and patience, and
temperance, and charity, and repentance, and hope, &c. The controversy
is not hard to decide. Look to the nobility and gentry of England; see
you no difference between those that have been bred in praying
families and the rest? I mean, taking them (as we say) one with
another proportionably. Look to the ministers of England; is it
praying families or prayerless families that have done most to the
well furnishing of the universities.
_Arg._ IX. All churches ought solemnly to pray to God and praise
him: a christian family is a church; therefore, &c.
The major is past doubt; the minor I prove from the nature of a church
in general, which is a society of christians combined for the better
worshipping and serving of God. I say not that a family, formally as a
family, is a church; but every family of christians ought moreover, by
such a combination, to be a church: yea, as christians they are so
combined, seeing christianity tieth them to serve God conjunctly
together in their relations. 2. Scripture expresseth it; 1 Cor. xvi. 19,
"Aquila and Priscilla salute you much in the Lord, with the church
that is in their house." He saith not, which meeteth in their house,
but, which is in it. So Philemon 2, "And to the church in thy house."
Rom. xvi. 5, "Likewise greet the church that is in their house." Col.
iv. 15, "Salute the brethren that are at Laodicea, and Nymphas, and
the church which is in his house." Though some learned men take these
to be meant of part of the churches assembling in these houses, yet
Beza, Grotius, and many others, acknowledge it to be meant of a family
or domestic church, according to that of Tertullian, _ubi tres licet
laici ibi ecclesia_, yet I say not that such a family church is of
the same species with a particular organized church of many families.
But it could not (so much as analogically) be called a church if they
might not and must not pray together, and praise God together: for
these therefore it fully concludeth.
_Arg._ X. If rulers must teach their families the word of God,
then must they pray with them: but they must teach them; therefore,
&c. The antecedent is fully proved by express Scripture already; see
also Psal. lxxviii. 4-6. Ministers must teach from house to house;
therefore rulers themselves must do it, Acts v. 42; xx. 20.
The consequence is proved good: 1. The apostles prayed when they
preached or instructed christians in private assemblies, Acts xx. 36,
and other places. 2. We have special need of God's assistance in
reading the Scriptures, to know his mind in them, and to make them
profitable to us; therefore we must seek it. 3. The reverence due to
so holy a business requireth it. 4. We are commanded "in all things to
make our requests known to God with prayers, supplications, and
thanksgiving, and that with all manner of prayer, in all places,
without ceasing;" therefore especially on such occasions as the
reading of Scriptures and instructing others: and I think that few men
that are convinced of the duty of reading Scripture and solemn
instructing their families, will question the duty of praying for
God's blessing on it, when they set upon the work. Yea, a christian's
own conscience will provoke him reverently to begin all with God in
the imploring of his acceptance, and aid, and blessing.
_Arg._ XI. If rulers of families are bound to teach their
families to pray, then are they bound to pray with them: but they are
bound to teach them to pray; therefore, &c.
In the foregoing argument I speak of teaching in general: here I speak
of teaching to pray in special. The antecedent of the major I prove
thus: 1. They are bound to bring "them up in the nurture and
admonition of the Lord," Eph. vi. 44; therefore to teach them to pray
and praise God; for "the nurture and admonition of the Lord"
containeth that. 2. They are bound to "teach them the fear of the
Lord," and "train them up in the way that they should go," and that is
doubtless in the way of prayer and praising God.
The consequence appeareth here to be sound, in that men cannot be well
and effectually taught to pray, without praying with them, or in their
hearing; therefore they that must teach them to pray, must pray with
them. It is like music, which you cannot well teach any man, without
playing or singing to him; seeing teaching must be by practising: and
in most practical doctrines it is so in some degree.
If any question this, I appeal to experience. I never knew any man
that was well taught by man to pray, without practising it before
them. They that ever knew any such, may have the more colour to
object; but I did not: or if they did, yet so rare a thing is not to
be made the ordinary way of our endeavours, any more than we should
forbear teaching men the most curious artifices by ocular
demonstration, because some wits have learned them by few words, or of
their own invention: they are cruel to children and servants that
teach them not to pray by practice and example.
_Arg._ XII. From 1 Tim. iv. 3-5, "Meats which God hath created to
be received with thanksgiving--for it is sanctified by the word of God
and prayer."
Here mark, 1. That all our meat is to be received with thanksgiving;
not only with a disposition of thankfulness. 2. That this is twice
repeated here together expressly, yea, thrice in sense. 3. That God
created them so to be received. 4. That it is made a condition of the
goodness, that is, the blessing of the creature to our use. 5. That
the creature is said to be sanctified by God's word and prayer; and so
to be unsanctified to us before. 6. That the same thing which is
called thanksgiving in the two former verses, is called prayer in the
last; else the consequence of the apostle could not hold, when he thus
argues, It is good if it be received with thanksgiving, because it is
sanctified by prayer.
Hence I will draw these two arguments: 1. If families must with
thanksgiving receive their meat as from God, then is the thanksgiving
of families a duty of God's appointment: but the former is true,
therefore so is the latter. The antecedent is plain: all must receive
their meat with thanksgiving; therefore families must. They eat
together; therefore they must give thanks together: and that prayer is
included in thanksgiving in this text, I manifested before.
2. It is the duty of families to use means that all God's creatures
may be sanctified to them: prayer is the means to be used that all
God's creatures may be sanctified to them; therefore it is the duty of
families to use prayer.
_Arg._ XIII. From 1 Pet. iii. 7, "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell
with them according to knowledge, giving honour to the wife as to the
weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that
your prayers be not hindered." That prayer which is especially
hindered by ignorant and unkind converse it is, that is especially
meant here in this text: but it is conjunct prayer that is especially
so hindered; therefore, &c. I know that secret, personal prayer is
also hindered by the same causes; but not so directly and notably as
conjunct prayer is. With what hearts can husband and wife join
together as one soul in prayer to God, when they abuse and exasperate
each other, and come hot from chidings and dissensions? This seemeth
the true meaning of the text. And so, the conjunct prayer of husband
and wife being proved a duty, (who sometimes constitute a family,)
the same reasons will include the rest of the family also.
_Arg._ XIV. From Col. iii. 16, 17, to iv. 4, "Let the word of God
dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one
another in psalms, and hymns, and spiritual songs, singing with grace
in your hearts to the Lord: and whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do
all in the name of the Lord Jesus; giving thanks to God and the Father
by him. Wives, submit yourselves," &c. Chap. iv. 2, "Continue in
prayer, and watch in the same with thanksgiving."
Hence I may fetch many arguments for family prayers. 1. It appeareth
to be family prayers principally that the apostle here speaketh of;
for it is families that he speaks to: for in ver. 16, 17, he speaketh
of prayer and thanksgiving; and in the next words he speaketh to each
family relation, wives, husbands, children, parents, servants,
masters; and in the next words, continuing his speech to the same
persons, he bids them "continue in prayer, and watch in the same," &c.
If neighbours are bound to speak together in psalms, and hymns, and
spiritual songs, with grace in their hearts to the Lord, and to
continue in prayer and thanksgiving; then families much more, who are
nearlier related, and have more necessities and opportunities, as is
said before. 3. If whatever we do in word or deed, we must do all in
the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks; then families must needs
join in giving thanks. For they have much daily business in word and
deed to be done together and asunder.
_Arg._ XV. From Dan. vi. 10, "When Daniel knew that the writing
was signed, he went into his house, and his window being open in his
chamber towards Jerusalem, he kneeled upon his knees three times a
day, and prayed, and gave thanks before his God, as he did aforetime.
Then these men assembled, and found Daniel praying and making
supplication before his God." Here note, 1. The nature of the duty. 2.
The necessity of it. 1. If it had not been open, family prayer which
Daniel here performed, how could they have known what he said? It is
not probable that he would speak so loud in secret; nor is it like
they would have found him at it. So great a prince would have had some
servants in his outward rooms, to have stayed them before they had
come so near. 2. And the necessity of this prayer is such, that Daniel
would not omit it for a few days to save his life.
_Arg._ XVI. From Josh. xxiv. 15, "But as for me and my house, we
will serve the Lord." Here note, 1. That it is a household that is
here engaged: for if any would prove that it extendeth further, to all
Joshua's tribe, or inferior kindred, yet his household would be most
eminently included. 2. That it is the same thing which Joshua
promiseth for his house, which he would have all Israel do for theirs:
for he maketh himself an example to move them to it.
If households must serve the Lord, then households must pray to him
and praise him: but households must serve him; therefore, &c. The
consequence is proved, in that prayer and praise are so necessary
parts of God's service, that no family or person can be said in
general to be devoted to serve God, that are not devoted to them.
Calling upon God is oft put in Scripture for all God's worship, as
being a most eminent part; and atheists are described to be such as
"call not upon the Lord," Psal. xiv. &c.
_Arg._ XVII. The story of Cornelius, Acts x. proveth that he
performed family worship: for observe, 1. That, ver. 2, he is said to
be "a devout man, and one that feared God with all his house, which
gave much alms to the people, and prayed to God always:" and ver. 30,
he saith, "At the ninth hour I prayed in my house:" and ver. 24, "he
called together his kindred and near friends:" so ver. 11, 14, "Thou
and all thy house shall he saved:" so that in ver. 2, fearing God
comprehendeth prayer, and is usually put for all God's worship;
therefore when he is said to fear God with all his house, it is
included that he worshipped God with all his house: and that he used
to do it conjunctly with them is implied, in his gathering together
his kindred and friends when Peter came, not mentioning the calling
together his household, as being usual and supposed. And when it is
said that he prayed ἐν τῷ οἴκῳ, in his house, it may signify his
household, as in Scripture the word is often taken. However, the
circumstances show that he did it.
_Arg._ XVIII. From 1 Tim. iii. 4, 5, 12, "One that ruleth well
his own house, having his children in subjection, with all gravity:
for if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take
care of the church of God: let the deacons be the husbands of one
wife; ruling their children and their own houses well." Here mark,
that it is such a ruling of their houses, as is of the same nature as
the ruling of the church, _mutatis mutandis_, and that is, a
training them up in the worship of God, and guiding them therein; for
the apostle maketh the defect of the one, to be a sure discovery of
their unfitness for the other. Now to rule the church, is to teach and
guide them as their mouth in prayer and praises unto God, as well as
to oversee their lives; therefore it is such a ruling of their houses
as is prerequisite to prove them fit.
They that must so rule well over their own houses, as may partly prove
them not unfit to rule the church, must rule them by holy
instructions, and guiding them as their mouth in the worship of God.
But those mentioned 1 Tim. iii. must so rule their houses; therefore,
&c.
The pastors' ruling of the church doth most consist in going before
them, and guiding them in God's worship; therefore so doth the ruling
of their own houses, which is made a trying qualification of their
fitness hereunto. Though yet it reach not so high, nor to so many
things, and the conclusion be not affirmative, He that ruleth his own
house well is fit to rule the church of God; but negative, He that
ruleth not his own house well, is not fit to rule the church of God;
but that is because, 1. This is a lower degree of ruling, which will
not prove him fit for a higher. 2. And it is but one qualification of
many that are requisite. Yet it is apparent that some degree of
aptitude is proved hence, and that from a similitude of the things.
When Paul compareth ruling the house to ruling the church, he cannot
be thought to take them to be wholly heterogeneous: he would never
have said, He that cannot rule an army, or regiment, or a city, how
shall he rule the church of God? I conclude therefore that this text
doth show that it is the duty of masters of families, to rule well
their own families in the right worshipping of God, _mutatis
mutandis_, as ministers must rule the church.
_Arg._ XIX. If families have special necessity of family prayer
conjunctly, which cannot be supplied otherwise; then it is God's will
that family prayer should be in use: but families have such
necessities; therefore, &c. The consequent needs no proof; the
antecedent is proved by instance. Families have family necessities,
which are larger than to be confined to a closet, and yet more private
than to be brought still into the assemblies of the church. 1. There
are many worldly occasions about their callings and relations, which
it is fit for them to mention among themselves, but unfit to mention
before all the congregation. 2. There are many distempers in the
hearts and lives of the members of the families, and many
miscarriages, and disagreements, which must be taken up at home, and
which prayer must do much to cure, and yet are not fit to be brought
to the ears of the church assemblies. 3. And if it were fit to mention
them all in public, yet the number of such cases would be so great, as
would overwhelm the minister, and confound the public worship; nay,
one half of them in most churches could not be mentioned. 4. And such
cases are of ordinary occurrence, and therefore would ordinarily have
all these inconveniencies.
And yet there are many such cases that are not fit to be confined to
our secret prayers each one by himself; because, 1. They often so sin
together, as maketh it fit that they confess and lament it together.
2. And some mercies which they receive together, it is fit they seek
and give thanks for together. 3. And many works which they do
together, it is fit they seek a blessing on together. 4. And the
presence of one another in confession, petition, and thanksgiving,
doth tend to the increase of their fervour, and warming of their
hearts, and engaging them the more to duty, and against sin; and is
needful on the grounds laid down before. Nay, it is a kind of family
schism, in such cases, to separate from one another, and to pray in
secret only; as it is church schism to separate from the church
assemblies, and to pray in families only. Nature and grace delight in
unity, and abhor division. And the light of nature and grace engageth
us to do as much of the work of God in unity, and concord, and
communion as we can.
_Arg._ XX. If before the giving of the law to Moses, God was
worshipped in families by his own appointment, and this appointment be
not yet reversed, then God is to be worshipped in families still. But
the antecedent is certain; therefore so is the consequent.
I think no man denieth the first part of the antecedent; that before
the flood in the families of the righteous, and after till the
establishment of a priesthood, God was worshipped in families or
households: it is a greater doubt whether then he had any other public
worship. When there were few or no church assemblies that were larger
than families, no doubt God was ordinarily worshipped in families.
Every ruler of a family then was as a priest to his own family. Cain
and Abel offered their own sacrifices; so did Noah, Abraham, and Jacob.
If it be objected, that all this ceased, when the office of the priest
was instituted, and so deny the latter part of my antecedent, I reply,
1. Though some make a doubt of it, whether the office of the
priesthood was instituted before Aaron's time, I think there is no
great doubt to be made of it; seeing we find a priesthood then among
other nations, who had it either by the light of nature, or by
tradition from the church; and Melchizedec's priesthood (who was a
type of Christ) is expressly mentioned. So that though family worship
was then the most usual, yet some more public worship there was. 2.
After the institution of Aaron's priesthood family-worship continued,
as I have proved before; yea, the two sacraments of circumcision and
the passover, were celebrated in families by the master of the house;
therefore prayer was certainly continued in families. 3. If that part
of worship that was afterward performed in synagogues and public
assemblies was appropriated to them, that no whit proveth, that the
part which agreed to families as such, was transferred to those
assemblies. Nay, it is a certain proof that part was left to families
still, because we find that the public assemblies never undertook it.
We find among them no prayer but church prayer; and not that which was
fitted to families as such at all. Nor is there a word of Scripture
that speaketh of God's reversing of his command or order for family
prayer, or other proper family worship. Therefore it is proved to
continue obligatory still.
Had I not been too long already, I should have urged to this end the
example of Job, in sacrificing daily for his sons; and of Esther's
keeping a fast with her maids, Esth. iv. 16. And Jer. x. 25, "Pour out
thy fury on the heathen that know thee not, and on the families that
call not on thy name." It is true that by "families" here is meant
tribes of people, and by "calling on his name," is meant their
worshipping the true God. But yet this is spoken of all tribes without
exception, great and small: and tribes in the beginning (as Abraham's,
Isaac's, Jacob's, &c.) were confined to families. And the argument
holdeth from parity of reason to a proper family: and that calling on
God's name is put for his worship, doth more confirm us, because it
proveth it to be the most eminent part of worship, or else the whole
would not be signified by it; at least no reason can imagine it
excluded. So much for the proof of the fourth proposition.
_Objections answered._
_Object._ I. Had it been a duty under the gospel to pray in
families, we should certainly have found it more expressly required in
the Scripture.
_Answ._ 1. I have already showed you, that it is plainly required
in the Scripture: but men must not teach God how to speak, nor oblige
him to make all plain to blind, perverted minds. 2. Those things which
were plainly revealed in the Old Testament, and the church then held
without any contradiction, even from the persecutors of Christ
themselves, might well be passed over in the gospel, and taken as
supposed, acknowledged things. 3. The general precepts (to "pray
alway,--with all prayer,--in all places," &c.) being expressed in the
gospel, and the light of nature making particular application of them
to families, what need there any more? 4. This reason is apparent why
Scripture speaketh of it no more expressly. Before Christ's time the
worship of God was less spiritual, and more ceremonial, than afterward
it was; and therefore you find ofter mention of circumcision and
sacrificing, than of prayer; and yet prayer was still supposed to
concur. And after Christ's time on earth, most christian families were
disturbed by persecution, and christians sold up all and lived in
community: and also the Scripture history was to describe to us the
state of the churches, rather than of particular families.
_Object._ II. Christ himself did not use to pray with his family;
as appeareth by the disciples asking him to teach them to pray, and by
the silence of the Scripture in this point: therefore it is no duty to
us.
_Answ._ 1. Scripture silence is no proof that Christ did not use
it. All things are not written which he did. 2. His teaching them the
Lord's prayer, and their desire of a common rule of prayer, might
consist with his usual praying with them: at least with his using to
pray with them after that, though at first he did not use it. 3. But
it is the consequence that I principally deny. (1.) Because Christ did
afterwards call his servants to many duties, which he put them not on
at first, as sacraments, discipline, preaching, frequenter praying,
&c. especially after the coming down of the Holy Ghost. As they
understood not many articles of the faith till then, so no wonder if
they understood not many duties till then; for Christ would have them
thus suddenly instructed and fullier sanctified by a miracle, that
their ministry might be more credible, their mission being evidently
divine, and they being past the suspicion of forgery and deceit. (2.)
And though it is evident that Christ did use to bless the meat, and
sing hymns to God with his disciples, Luke xxii. 17, 18; Mark xiv.
22, 23, 26; Matt. xxvi. 27, 28, 30, and therefore it is very probable,
prayed with them often, as John xvii.; yet it could not be expected,
that he should ordinarily be their mouth in such prayers as they daily
needed. His case and ours are exceedingly different. His disciples
must daily confess their sins, and be humbled for them, and ask
forgiveness; but Christ had none of this to do. They must pray for
mortifying grace, and help against sin; but he had no sin to mortify
or pray against. They must pray for the Spirit, and the increase of
their imperfect graces; but Christ had fulness and perfection. They
must pray for many means to these ends, and for help in using them,
and a blessing on them, which he had no use for. They must give thanks
for pardon and conversion, &c. which Christ had no occasion to give
thanks for. So that having a High Priest so much separate from
sinners, they had one that prayed for them; but not one fit to join
with them as their mouth to God, in ordinary family prayers, such as
they needed; as masters must do with their families.
_Object._ III. God doth not require either vain or abominable
prayers; but family prayers are ordinarily vain and abominable;
therefore, &c. The minor is proved thus:--The prayers of the wicked
are abominable: most families are wicked, or have wicked persons;
therefore, &c.
_Answ._ 1. This is confessedly nothing against the prayers of
godly families. 2. The prayers of a godly master are not abominable
nor vain, because of the presence of others that are ungodly. Else
Christ's prayers and blessings before mentioned should have been vain
or abominable, because Judas was there, who was a thief and hypocrite.
And the apostles' and all ministers' prayers should be so in all such
churches as those of Corinth, Galatia, Ephesus are described to have
been. 3. I refer you to my "Method for Peace of Conscience," how far
the prayers of the wicked are, or are not abominable. The prayers of
the wicked as wicked are abominable; but not as they express their
return to God, and repenting of their wickedness. It is not the
abominable prayer that God commandeth, but the faithful, penitent
prayer. You mistake it, as if the wicked man were not the person
commanded to pray; whereas you should rather say, It is not the
abominable prayer that is commanded him. He is commanded to pray such
prayers as are not abominable; even as Simon Magus, Acts viii. to
"repent" and "pray;" and "to seek the Lord while he may be found, and
call upon him while he is near, and to forsake his way," &c. Isa. lv.
6, 7. Let the wicked pray thus, and his prayer will not be abominable.
The command of praying implieth the command of repenting and departing
from his wickedness: for what is it to pray for grace, but to express
to God their desires of grace? (It is not to tell God a lie, by saying
they desire that which they hate.) Therefore when we exhort them to
pray we exhort them to such desires.
_Object._ IV. Many masters of families cannot pray in their
families without a book, and that is unlawful.
_Answ._ I. If their disability be natural, as an idiot's, they
are not fit to rule families; if it be moral and culpable, they are
bound to use the means to overcome it; and in the mean time to use a
book or form, rather than not to pray in their families at all.
_Of the Frequency and Seasons of Family worship._
The last part of my work is to speak of the fit time of family
worship. 1. Whether it should be every day? 2. Whether twice a day? 3.
Whether morning and evening? _Answ._ 1. Ordinarily it should be
every day and twice a day; and the morning and evening are ordinarily
the fittest seasons. 2. But extraordinarily some greater duty may
intervene, which may for that time disoblige us. And the occasions of
some families may make that hour fit to one, which is unfit to
another. For brevity I will join all together in the proof.
_Arg._ I. We are bound to
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