Manners and Rules of Good Society; Or, Solecisms to be Avoided
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Title: Manners and Rules of Good Society; Or, Solecisms to be Avoided
Author: Anonymous
Release date: September 13, 2010 [eBook #33716]
Language: English
Other information and formats: www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/33716
Credits: Produced by Thierry Alberto, Iris Gehring, Henry Craig and
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*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MANNERS AND RULES OF GOOD SOCIETY; OR, SOLECISMS TO BE AVOIDED ***
Produced by Thierry Alberto, Iris Gehring, Henry Craig and
the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at
http://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images
generously made available by The Internet Archive)
MANNERS AND RULES
OF
GOOD SOCIETY
_OR SOLECISMS TO BE AVOIDED_
BY A MEMBER
OF THE ARISTOCRACY
THIRTY-EIGHTH EDITION
[Illustration: Decoration]
LONDON
FREDERICK WARNE AND CO.
AND NEW YORK
1916
(_All rights reserved_)
_Printed in Great Britain_
PREFACE
"MANNERS AND RULES OF GOOD SOCIETY" contains all the information
comprised in the original work, "Manners and Tone of Good Society," but
with considerable additions. In a volume of this nature it is necessary
to make constant revisions, and this is periodically done to keep it up
to date, that it may be depended upon as being not only the most
reliable, but also the _newest book of etiquette_.
A comparison of the number of chapters and their subjects with those of
the early editions would best demonstrate how the work has grown, not
merely in bulk, but in importance also. This extension has allowed many
subjects to be more exhaustively treated than heretofore, and it now
includes every rule and point that could possibly be comprehended in its
title.
The work throughout its many editions has commended itself to the
attention of thousands of readers, and it is hoped the present edition
will be received by society in general with the marked success of its
predecessors.
CONTENTS
CHAPTER PAGE
INTRODUCTORY REMARKS ix
I. THE MEANING OF ETIQUETTE 1
II. INTRODUCTIONS 6
III. LEAVING CARDS 19
IV. PAYING CALLS 32
V. PRECEDENCY 44
VI. THE COLLOQUIAL APPLICATION OF TITLES 53
VII. POINTS OF ETIQUETTE AS REGARDS ROYAL PERSONAGES 61
VIII. POINTS OF ETIQUETTE WHEN TRAVELLING ABROAD, AND
PRESENTATIONS AT FOREIGN COURTS 65
IX. THE RECEIVED MODE OF PRONOUNCING CERTAIN SURNAMES 68
X. PRESENTATIONS AT COURTS AND ATTENDING COURTS 73
XI. PRESENTATIONS AT LEVEES AND ATTENDING LEVEES 82
XII. BALLS AND STATE BALLS 87
XIII. DINNER GIVING AND DINING OUT 99
XIV. DINNER-TABLE ETIQUETTE 116
XV. EVENING PARTIES 122
XVI. WEDDINGS AND WEDDING LUNCHEONS 128
XVII. WEDDING RECEPTIONS 143
XVIII. WEDDING EXPENSES 146
XIX. AFTERNOON "AT HOMES" 151
XX. "AT HOME" DAYS 159
XXI. COLONIAL ETIQUETTE 161
XXII. INDIAN ETIQUETTE 164
XXIII. GARDEN-PARTIES 166
XXIV. TOWN GARDEN-PARTIES 171
XXV. EVENING GARDEN-PARTIES 174
XXVI. LUNCHEONS 176
XXVII. BREAKFASTS 183
XXVIII. PICNICS AND WATER-PARTIES 186
XXIX. JUVENILE PARTIES 190
XXX. WRITTEN INVITATIONS 195
XXXI. REFUSING INVITATIONS 200
XXXII. WALKING, DRIVING, AND RIDING 202
XXXIII. BOWING 206
XXXIV. THE COCKADE 209
XXXV. COUNTRY-HOUSE VISITS 211
XXXVI. HUNTING AND SHOOTING 219
XXXVII. SHAKING HANDS 225
XXXVIII. CHAPERONS AND DEBUTANTES 228
XXXIX. PRESENTATIONS AT THE VICEREGAL COURT, DUBLIN CASTLE 229
XL. HOSTESSES 234
XLI. THE RESPONSIBILITIES OF LADY PATRONESSES OF PUBLIC
BALLS 239
XLII. PERIODS OF MOURNING 242
XLIII. ENGAGED 250
XLIV. SILVER WEDDINGS 253
XLV. SUBSCRIPTION DANCES 256
XLVI. GIVING PRESENTS 259
XLVII. CHRISTENING PARTIES 261
INDEX 265
INTRODUCTORY REMARKS
The title of this work sufficiently indicates the nature of its
contents. The Usages of Good Society relate not only to good manners and
to good breeding, but also to the proper etiquette to be observed on
every occasion.
Not only are certain rules laid down, and minutely explained, but the
most comprehensive instructions are given in each chapter respecting
every form or phase of the subject under discussion that it may be
clearly understood what _is_ done, or what is _not_ done, in good
society, and also how what _is_ done in good society should be done. It
is precisely this knowledge that gives to men and women the
consciousness of feeling thoroughly at ease in whatever sphere they may
happen to move, and causes them to be considered well bred by all with
whom they may come in contact.
A solecism may be perhaps in itself but a trifling matter, but in the
eyes of society at large it assumes proportions of a magnified aspect,
and reflects most disadvantageously upon the one by whom it is
committed; the direct inference being, that to be guilty of a solecism
argues the offender to be unused to society, and consequently not on an
equal footing with it. This society resents, and is not slow in making
its disapproval felt by its demeanour towards the offender.
Tact and innate refinement, though of the greatest assistance to one
unused to society, do not suffice of themselves; and although counting
for much, cannot supply the want of the actual knowledge of what is
customary in society. Where tact and innate refinement do not exist--and
this is not seldom the case, as they are gifts bestowed upon the few
rather than upon the many--then a thorough acquaintance with the social
observances in force in society becomes more than ever necessary, and
especially to those who, socially speaking, are desirous of making their
way in the world.
Those individuals who have led secluded or isolated lives, or who have
hitherto moved in other spheres than those wherein well-bred people
move, will gather all the information necessary from these pages to
render them thoroughly conversant with the manners and amenities of
society.
This work will be found of equal service to both men and women, as in
each chapter the points of social etiquette to be observed by both sexes
have been fully considered.
Those having the charge of young ladies previous to their introduction
into society, either mothers, chaperons, or governesses, will also
derive much useful and practical information from the perusal of this
work, while to those thoroughly versed in the usages of society it
cannot fail to commend itself, containing as it does many useful and
valuable hints on social questions.
MANNERS AND RULES OF GOOD SOCIETY
CHAPTER I
THE MEANING OF ETIQUETTE
What is etiquette, and what does the word convey? It is a poor one in
itself, and falls very far short of its wide application. It has an
old-fashioned ring about it, savouring of stiffness, primness, and
punctiliousness, which renders it distasteful to many possessing
advanced ideas; and yet the word etiquette is not so very old either, as
Johnson did not include it in his dictionary, and Walker apologises for
introducing it into his, and according to the authorities he quotes, it
is supposed to be derived from stichos, stichus, stichetus, sticketta,
and from thence to etiquette. But whether derived from the Latin or the
French--and many incline to the latter opinion--there is no doubt that
could a new word be found to replace this much abused one, it would be a
welcome addition to our vocabulary. The word has unfortunately become
associated in our minds with forms, ceremonies, and observances, in an
exaggerated degree; and it has been so constantly misused and
misinterpreted and misunderstood that ridicule and contempt have been
most unjustly and unfairly thrown upon it. The true meaning of
etiquette can hardly be described in dictionary parlance; it embraces
the whole gamut of good manners, good breeding, and true politeness. One
of the reasons which have no doubt contributed to bring the word
"etiquette" into disrepute, is the manner in which the subject has been
handled by incompetent people, who, having but a very hazy and obscure
knowledge, if any knowledge at all, yet profess to write guides to
polite manners--rambling and incoherent guides, which not only provoke a
smile from those better informed, but mislead and bewilder any one rash
enough to consult them, without previous inquiry as to whether they are
safe to follow. A little caution on this head would insure the most
correct and reliable work being secured amongst so much that is
unreliable. Some people read everything that is written on the subject
of etiquette, not only those who are ignorant and wish to learn
something of its laws, but those who are thoroughly well versed in them
and who, one might suppose, had nothing to learn; still these latter
like to see what is written, to feel the satisfaction of being supported
in their own knowledge by a well-informed writer; or of finding
amusement in the absurdities gravely advanced by some one writing from
another sphere than that where _savoir vivre_ reigns. Others attach a
very narrow meaning to the word etiquette, and neither accept it nor
understand it in its true sense; they have an idea that its rules
influence and govern society in general. Rules of etiquette are from
their point of view but trammels and shackles; let them be cast off or
burst through, say they; let every one do as he likes; let all behave as
they like; we are in a free country, why should we not wipe our mouths
upon the tablecloth if we please? Others again, devour books of
etiquette on the quiet; they are very much in want of instruction as
every one knows, but they have not the courage to confess that they are
awake of this want, and are trying to pick up some knowledge of this
kind to be useful to them; as their aim is to rise in the social scale,
they would not let their friends know for worlds about this new study,
but they know it, and find that they have improved, that they do not
commit as many _gaucheries_ as heretofore; still, they have caught the
letter rather than the spirit of etiquette, they have read the rules it
prescribes, and act up to them as far as their memories serve them; but
they have failed in one essential particular of understanding that
courtesy, consideration towards others, and unselfishness, are the
sources of true politeness from which etiquette springs.
There is an idea amongst some few people who have mixed little in the
world, and moved but in one fixed groove, that the more exalted the
sphere, the more perfect the manners. It is needless to attempt to
refute such a fallacy as this, for examples of the most perfect manner
are to be met with not only amongst those who can boast of long lineage
and high birth, but also amongst those who lay claim to neither.
Our present code of etiquette is constructed upon the refinement,
polish, and culture of years, of centuries. Wealth and luxury, and
contact with all that is beautiful in art and nature, have in all ages
exercised a powerful influence on the manners of men; we do not say on
the times, as unfortunately these advantages did not reach down to the
many but were confined to the strictly few; but in these modern days the
many have come, and still come, within the charmed circle; the ring
broadens, ever widens; it is not now as in olden days that "their lot
forbade." On the contrary, the possession of wealth or of talent is the
open sesame to the most refined and cultured circles. The word etiquette
is too narrow for all it embraces; it must be viewed in a double light,
and be taken from a moral point as well as from a conventional one. A
kindly nature, and an unselfish spirit are never wanting in true
politeness, but the conventionalities of society give the finish and
completeness to the whole, the colour, as it were, to the picture. In
some the conventional spirit is uppermost and they have at best but a
surface polish. In others the kindly feelings of the heart are allowed
full play, and no act of genuine politeness is omitted or left undone in
their intercourse with their fellows, and these graces of kindly
politeness linger in the memory, trivial though they may have been,
years after one has lost sight of this true gentleman or thorough lady,
and one says of him, "What a charming man he was, how courteous and
considerate, and how kind!" and of her, "She was the sweetest and
prettiest-mannered woman I ever met."
It is only given to the very few to be thoroughly and unaffectedly
charming without a shadow of self-consciousness or effort. To assume a
would-be charming manner for the moment, with the desire to be unusually
pleasing to some one in particular, does not confer the enviable
reputation of having a charming manner. It does not sit easy enough to
be altogether natural; it conveys the idea of being put on for the
occasion, and, like all other imitations, it hardly ever pleases and
seldom deceives. Etiquette and true politeness would have us go further
than this, and our manners of to-day should be our manners of to-morrow,
and not variable according to place and persons. The world is quick to
note these uncertain demeanours, and every one's measure is readily
taken and retained.
The rules of etiquette are indispensable to the smooth working of
society at large. Take, for example, the etiquette of precedency, in
force both in public and in private: on every public occasion, and in
every private circle, precedency steps in to render assistance, and is
as necessary in the smallest private circle as in the largest public
gathering, because it assigns to every one his or her place as far as
claim can be laid to place. Mistakes in the matter of precedency are not
only committed by those who have enjoyed few social advantages, but by
those also who have had everything in their favour. Young ladies, for
instance, when married from the schoolroom, as it were, often make grave
mistakes on the question of precedency, if they do not ignore it
altogether.
The etiquette of card leaving and that of paying calls are indisputably
necessary and only the very ignorant would attempt to gainsay their
utility; without these aids to order and method all intercourse between
friends and acquaintances would be uncertain and chaotic; as it is there
is little excuse when the right thing is not done, and any departure
from the simple rules laid down on these heads, is the best possible
proof of the standing, position, and associations of the one at fault.
Any one point of etiquette if brought to the bar of common-sense would
be pronounced reasonable, proper, and sensible; and there is strictly
speaking no question of etiquette that cannot be thus judged and upon
which a like verdict would not be given. There is no one rule of
etiquette that can be described as absurd or ridiculous, arbitrary or
tyrannical, and taken collectively the rules are but social obligations
due from one person to another. Why should we not be a well-mannered
people? Why should we not be refined, cultivated, and polished in our
demeanour and bearing? Why should we not seek to charm if we can? Why
should we not cultivate and encourage in ourselves consideration,
thoughtfulness, and graciousness towards others in the smallest details
of daily life?
CHAPTER II
INTRODUCTIONS
There are ceremonious introductions and unceremonious introductions,
premeditated introductions and unpremeditated introductions; but, in all
cases, introductions should never be indiscriminately made--that is to
say, without a previous knowledge on the part of those making them as to
whether the persons thus introduced will be likely to appreciate each
other, or the reverse, or unless they have expressed a desire to become
acquainted. For instance, a lady should not introduce two of her
acquaintances residing in a country town or watering-place, moving in
different circles, unless they have each expressed such a desire.
* * * * *
=An Undesired Introduction=, if made, compels the one to whom it is the
most unwelcome, to treat the other with marked coldness, or to continue
an acquaintance that is distasteful.
Should the slightest doubt exist as to how an introduction will be
received--whether the meditated introduction is a spontaneous desire on
the part of a lady or gentleman, or whether one person expressed a wish
to make the acquaintance of another person and expressed that wish to a
mutual friend--the received rule is to consult the wishes of both
persons on the subject before making the introduction.
* * * * *
=When a Difference of Rank= exists between two persons, it would be
sufficient to ascertain the wishes of the person of highest rank alone.
A person about to make an introduction, should say to the one lady, but
not in the hearing of the other, "Mrs. A----, may I introduce Mrs. B----
to you?" or some such formula, according to the degree of intimacy
existing between herself and Mrs. A. (See "The Art of Conversing.")
When two ladies are of equal rank, the wishes of the person with whom
the person making the introduction is least intimate should be
consulted.
In the case of one person having expressed a wish to make the
acquaintance of another, there remains but the wishes of one person to
ascertain.
Acquiescence having been given, the introduction should be made.
In making an introduction, the lady of lowest rank should be introduced
to the lady of highest rank; in no case should the lady of highest rank
be introduced to the lady of lowest rank. This point of etiquette should
always be strictly observed.
* * * * *
=A Gentleman should always be introduced to a Lady=, whatever his rank
may be, without reference to her rank, whatever it may be. This rule is
invariable, and is based upon the privilege of the sex--"_place aux
dames_."
It is not usual to ascertain a gentleman's wishes as to whether he will
be introduced to a lady or not, although at a ball it is usual to do so
when the introduction is made for a special object, viz., that of
obtaining a partner for a lady; and as a gentleman may be either unable
or unwilling to ask the lady to dance, it is incumbent to ascertain
beforehand whether the introduction is desired or not, otherwise the
introduction would be of no avail for the purpose, and prove a
disappointment to the lady.
"Would you like to be introduced to Miss A----?" or some such polite
phrase (see "The Art of Conversing"), is the sort of formula by which to
ascertain a gentleman's wishes as to an introduction in the ball-room;
as ball-room introductions are understood to mean an intention on the
part of a gentleman to ask a lady to dance or to take her in to supper.
In general society, gentlemen are supposed to seek, rather than to avoid
the acquaintance of ladies, irrespective of whatever sets in society to
which they belong. It is immaterial to a gentleman in which set in
society his acquaintances move, and he can be polite to all without
offending any in their several circles.
With regard to his own sex a gentleman is generally as exclusive as to
the acquaintanceships which he forms, as is a lady with regard to the
acquaintanceships which she forms. Reciprocity of taste is the basis on
which acquaintanceships between men are established, subject, in a
certain measure, to social position; though this rule is itself subject
to wide exceptions.
It is the rule for a gentleman to ask a mutual friend, or an
acquaintance, for an introduction to a lady, and it is the received rule
to do so when a gentleman desires to be introduced to any lady in
particular; but gentlemen do not ask to be introduced to each other,
unless some special reason exists for so doing--some reason that would
commend itself to the person whose acquaintance was desired, as well as
to the person making the introduction; otherwise, such a wish would
appear to be either puerile or sycophantic, thus the request might meet
with a refusal, and the proffered acquaintanceship be declined.
* * * * *
=When Introductions are made between Ladies=, an unmarried lady should
be introduced to a married lady, unless the unmarried lady is of a
higher rank than the married lady, when the rule is reversed.
The correct formula in use when making introductions is "Mrs. X----,
Lady Z.," thus mentioning the name of the lady of lowest rank first, as
she is the person introduced to the lady of highest rank, "Mrs. X----,
Lady Z.," is all that need be said on the occasion by the person making
the introduction. When the ladies are of equal rank it is immaterial
which name is mentioned first; but there generally exists sufficient
difference in the social position of the two ladies to give a slight
distinction in favour of the one or of the other, which the person
making the introduction should take into consideration.
When the introduction has been made, the ladies should bow to each
other, and either lady should make a slight remark.
It is not usual for ladies on being first introduced to each other to
shake hands, but only to bow; but there are very many exceptions to this
rule.
When one lady is of higher rank than the other, should she offer to
shake hands, it would be a compliment and a mark of friendliness on her
part.
When a person introduces two intimate friends of his or hers to each
other, they would be expected to shake hands, instead of bowing only.
The relations of an engaged couple should, on being introduced, shake
hands with both bride and bridegroom elect, as should the intimate
friends of an engaged couple; as also should the relations of the two
families on being introduced to each other.
It is the privilege of the lady to be the first to offer to shake hands,
in every case, when a gentleman is introduced to her.
A lady should shake hands with every one introduced to her in her own
house--that is to say, whether the person is brought by a mutual friend,
or is present by invitation obtained through a mutual friend.
* * * * *
=At Dinner-parties=, both small and large, the hostess should use her
own discretion as to the introductions she thinks proper to make. It is
not customary to make general introductions at a dinner-party; but in
sending guests down to dinner, who are strangers to each other, the host
or hostess should introduce the gentleman to the lady whom he is to take
down to dinner. It would be quite unnecessary to ask the lady's
permission before doing so. It would be sufficient to make the
introduction a few moments before dinner was announced, and the usual
formula is, "Mrs. A., Mr. B. will take you in to dinner." A bow is the
recognition of this introduction.
When the majority at a dinner-party are strangers to each other, a host
or hostess should introduce one or two of the principal guests to each
other, when time allows of its being done before dinner is served; such
introductions are oftener made at country dinner-parties than at town
dinner-parties.
A hostess should, in some instances, introduce ladies to each other in
the drawing-room after dinner if the opportunity offers, and she
considers it advisable to do so.
As a rule, a host seldom introduces gentlemen to each other in the
dining-room after dinner, as they address each other as a matter of
course on such occasions.
A hostess should introduce her principal guests to each other, at
five-o'clock teas, garden-parties, small "at homes," etc.--that is to
say, gentlemen to ladies--for the purpose of their taking the ladies to
the tea-room. In this case also, the introduction should be made without
previously consulting the lady; and a gentleman, knowing the reason of
the introduction, should at once proffer the expected civility.
At these gatherings a hostess should use her own discretion as to any
general introductions she thinks proper to make, and should introduce
any gentleman to any lady without previously consulting the lady if she
thinks the introduction will prove agreeable to her.
When introducing ladies to each other, she should give married ladies,
and ladies of rank, the option of the introduction; but should
introduce young unmarried ladies to each other if she thinks proper.
* * * * *
=When Callers arrive simultaneously=, the hostess should introduce them
directly or indirectly to each other, if there is no social reason to
the contrary.
When a hostess is aware that her visitors do not desire each other's
acquaintanceship, or, if she considers that the introduction is not
altogether a suitable one, agreeable to both persons, she should not
make it, but converse with each visitor in turn, at the same time not
allowing the conversation to become too general.
At large gatherings, persons desirous of avoiding each other's
acquaintanceship, could be present at the house of a mutual acquaintance
without coming into direct contact with one another, providing the host
and hostess possessed sufficient tact and discretion not to attempt to
effect a _rapprochement_ between them.
* * * * *
=At Country-house Parties=, the hostess should introduce the principal
ladies to one another on the first day of their arrival; but if it is a
large party, introductions should not be generally made, but should be
made according to the judgment of the hostess. The fact of persons being
guests in the same house constitutes in itself an introduction, and it
rests with the guests thus brought together whether the acquaintanceship
ripens into subsequent intimacy or not.
The same remark applies in a degree to afternoon teas and "at homes."
The guests converse with each other if inclined to do so. The act of so
conversing would not constitute an acquaintanceship, although it might,
under some circumstances, establish a bowing acquaintanceship,
especially between gentlemen.
Ladies should not bow to each other after only exchanging a few remarks
at afternoon tea, or at a garden-party, unless there were some
particular social link between them to warrant their so doing, in which
case the lady of highest rank should take the initiative.
* * * * *
=Introductions at Public Balls.=--It is erroneous to suppose that it is
the duty of stewards to make introductions at public balls; it is the
exception, and not the rule, for stewards to introduce persons to each
other who are strangers to themselves.
Society objects, and the stewards object, to making promiscuous
introductions, on the following grounds: first, as regards the chaperon,
whether mother or relative, who has the charge of a young lady; then as
regards a young lady herself; and last, but not least, as regards the
position occupied by the steward himself. A chaperon naturally looks and
feels displeased when a steward who is a stranger to herself offers to
introduce a man who is evidently a stranger to him, which fact she
gathers by his saying, "This gentleman wishes to be introduced to your
daughter," or by his asking the stranger his name before making the
introduction. A chaperon is responsible for the acquaintances a young
lady forms while under her charge at a ball, and if amongst her own
friends and acquaintances she cannot find partners for her, she would
prefer that she spent a comparatively dull evening than that she should
run the risk of forming undesirable acquaintances.
Young ladies have not always the discretion possessed by their elders,
or sufficient knowledge of the world to do the right thing. Thus, some
young ladies would either coldly decline the introductions, or if the
introductions were made, would as coldly decline to dance, whilst
others, anxious to dance, would accept both the introductions and the
partners, and take their chance as to whether their brothers would like
to see them dancing with strangers thus introduced. A steward himself
particularly dislikes to be made responsible for a man he does not know;
and whether a chaperon and a young lady are old friends of his, or
whether they are merely new acquaintances, they equally trust to his
not introducing men to them whom they would not care to know, and of
whom he knows nothing save that they have solicited an introduction to
them.
Very few stewards care to accost a lady whom they merely know by sight
and by name for the purpose of introducing a stranger; they prefer to
decline to make the introduction, on the plea of not having the honour
of the lady's acquaintance.
Stewards consider that the position of a young man must be a peculiar
one, and his presence at a ball somewhat of an anomaly, if he does not
possess an acquaintance in the room, through whom he can become known to
one or other of the stewards, or through whom he can be introduced to
any particular lady with whom he may desire to dance.
When a gentleman is introduced to a young lady at a public ball, it
generally means that he is introduced to her as a partner, and that
though he may not ask her for the next dance, he will for a subsequent
one, or that he will at least offer to take her in to supper, or, if
earlier in the evening, to give her some tea, or if she declines these
civilities, that he will continue a conversation with her until the next
dance commences, or until a dance is over. When a gentleman does neither
of these things, but walks away as soon as the introduction is made, it
is a proof how little he desired it, and that doubtless the option was
not given him of refusing it.
Good-natured friends of both sexes know how difficult it is to get
partners for well-dressed, well-mannered, good-looking girls at a ball,
unless they are more than ordinarily attractive in some way or other, in
which case they are popular and sought after, and the only difficulty
rests with the young ladies themselves as to how they shall best
apportion the dances so as to satisfy their numerous partners, or
persuade their chaperons to stay for one more dance which they have
promised to, etc.
It is a well-known fact in the ball-going world that the majority of
young men insist upon being introduced to the most popular girls in a
ball-room, and refuse being introduced to one who does not appear to
have plenty of partners.
Public balls are in reality made up of a number of small parties and
different sets, each set or party being entirely independent of the
other.
At county balls the county people take large house-parties, and each
house-party does or does not mingle with other house-parties, according
to standing or inclination.
If three large house-parties join forces at a ball they form a very
imposing majority; but there are other sets in the same ball-room,
dancing to the same band and adjourning to the same supper-room, equally
apart and equally distinct.
At balls held at watering-places, although the residents do not take
large house-parties, yet they join forces with those residents with whom
they are acquainted, reinforced by friends who come down purposely to be
present at the ball. Thus, on the face of it, a steward's introductions
cannot fail to be ill-received, in whatever set he may be coerced into
making them; and it is well understood that introductions, to prove
acceptable, should only be made through friends and acquaintances, and
even then with tact and judgment.
As the stewards of a ball are usually the most influential gentlemen in
the place, it naturally follows that they are acquainted with many, if
not with all, of the principal people present, therefore when they make
introductions it is not by virtue of their office, but simply as a
matter of friendship, and through being personally acquainted with those
introduced by them.
Introductions out of doors are rather a matter of inclination than not,
as, for instance, when a lady is walking with another lady to whom she
is on a visit she should introduce any friends to her hostess she might
happen to meet, and her hostess should do likewise if time and
opportunity offer for so doing; should any reason exist for not making
an introduction on the part of either lady, it should be explained when
they are again alone, as were either of the ladies to exclude the other
from the conversation it would be considered discourteous towards the
one excluded. When two ladies accidentally meet when out walking, and
are subsequently joined by two or more ladies, introductions should not
be made by either of the ladies, unless some special reason exists for
so doing. A lady, as a rule, should not introduce gentlemen to each
other unless one of them is her host, when it would be correct to do so.
* * * * *
=How to act on the Occasion of an Introduction= is determined almost
entirely upon the reason for its being made, and by whom and to whom the
person is introduced. Even the _locale_ has something to do with it, and
thus a variety of issues are raised, upon which an instantaneous
judgment has to be given. The mind has to travel with lightning rapidity
over the ground to arrive at a correct course of action; but the mind
does not always respond to the call made upon it: it hesitates, and acts
not upon the outcome of reflection, but upon the spur of the moment.
* * * * *
=The Received Rule is not to shake hands=, but merely to bow on being
introduced; but this rule under certain circumstances would not meet the
case; it would disappoint the one introducing and the one introduced.
For instance if a relative of the former is the person introduced a bow
would be a very chilling response to the introduction made; to shake
hands, on the contrary, would be the correct thing to do, and both
persons should offer at the same moment this cordial recognition. On the
other hand, if a casual introduction is made without any premeditation,
and those introduced are totally unknown to each other, an exchange of
bows is all that is required of them.
* * * * *
=Amongst the Exceptions for not merely bowing= on being introduced are
the introductions made between young ladies and elderly ones, and
between young ladies themselves. An elderly lady, as a general rule,
shakes hands with a girl introduced to her with the idea of being
cordial and kind, not to say condescending, and girls generally shake
hands with each other in place of bowing, as acquaintanceships formed by
them have not the importance that attaches to those of older ladies;
besides, a greater readiness to make friends is the privilege and
characteristic of youth.
* * * * *
=Men take very much the Same View= as regards introductions as do
women--that is to say, if an introduction is made by a relative of the
man introduced, the men would shake hands and not merely bow. This holds
equally good where intimate friends are concerned: they almost rank on
the footing of relations, and a cordial reception is given to an
introduction thus made. When casual introductions are made of necessity
rather than of intention men do not shake hands. When "I think you have
met A." or "I think you know Mr. A." is said--the one by a host and the
other by a hostess--nothing further is required from either than a bow
and a smile of acquiescence accepting the introduction and a disclaimer
is not expected if "Mr. A." is not actually known. The uncertainty is an
excuse for making the introduction.
* * * * *
=Ladies do not rise from their Seats on being introduced either at an
"At Home"= or before dinner is announced, or after dinner, or when
calling when people are introduced to them, or when they themselves are
introduced. Half an exception occurs, it is true, at crowded "at homes,"
when to rise and talk to the lady introduced is almost a necessity:
there is no vacant seat for her to take, and, therefore, if both do not
stand, conversation is at a deadlock, as the few first conventional
remarks made by either are lost in the general buzz going on around;
also, it is awkward and ungraceful for a lady to bend over one seated
for the purpose of saying a few platitudes. "Introductory remarks," or
remarks following upon introductions, have too often a melancholy ring
of commonplaceness about them and are distinctly trite. How can they be
otherwise? To venture out of the commonplace into originality would be
suspicious of eccentricity, and no one wishes to be considered a little
odd.
* * * * *
=Before and after Dinner, when Introductions are made= between ladies it
is to those seated near to each other, and, therefore, there would be no
occasion to rise, as there might be at an "at home." There is no
question of a lady rising from her seat when a man is introduced to her,
unless that man is her host, when she should rise and shake hands with
him, or a clerical dignity--a bishop for instance, if opportunity allows
of it, and on a semi-official occasion. This question does not trouble
men, as they are usually found standing, or they are brought up to a
person to be introduced, and even if a man ventures upon sitting down at
an "at home," or before dinner is announced, he springs to his feet with
alacrity when any approach is made in the matter of introducing him to a
fellow guest.
* * * * *
=Introductions often have to be made at Afternoon Calls=, supposing that
two or three callers only are present and the hostess feels that she
must render the talk general by making some kind of introduction, direct
or indirect, as she thinks best. The ladies thus introduced remain
seated and bow. They do not shake hands even under the exceptional
conditions previously referred to, but they would at once join in the
talk that passes for conversation, and on departure would shake hands
with the relative in question after having shaken hands with the hostess
and having expressed pleasure at meeting this near relative--mother or
sister, or whoever she may happen to be.
* * * * *
=Introductions between Callers= made under enforced circumstances have
not much bearing on future acquaintance. Those introduced pass so short
a time in each other's company, and know practically nothing of each
other's surroundings, that they are uncertain whether at future meetings
they ought to recollect that such introductions have taken place, and
whether they should bow or forget. Actually it would be correct to bow
if the opportunity is given so to do, but unless the wish to bestow
recognition is mutual it is of little avail if grudgingly given, and it
would be worse still were it withheld. Some people have short memories
for faces, and others are short-sighted, and both these drawbacks have
to be reckoned with when expecting recognition from a person to whom one
has been thus introduced.
CHAPTER III
LEAVING CARDS
The etiquette of card-leaving is a privilege which society places in the
hands of ladies to govern and determine their acquaintanceships and
intimacies, to regulate and decide whom they will, and whom they will
not visit, whom they will admit into their friendship, and whom they
will keep on the most distant footing, whose acquaintance they wish
further to cultivate and whose to discontinue.
It would seem that the act of leaving cards is but imperfectly
understood, and that many erroneous impressions prevail respecting the
actual use of visiting cards: The object of leaving cards is to signify
that a call has been made, due civility shown, and a like civility
expected in return.
Leaving cards, or card-leaving, is one of the most important of social
observances, as it is the ground-work or nucleus in general society of
all acquaintanceships. Leaving cards, according to etiquette, is the
first step towards forming, or towards enlarging, a circle of
acquaintances, and the non-fulfilment of the prescribed rules is a sure
step in the opposite direction. The following is the received code of
card-leaving in all its details according to the etiquette observed in
good society by both ladies and gentlemen, and should be faithfully
followed.
* * * * *
=A Lady's Visiting Card= should be printed in small, clear copper-plate
script, and free from any kind of embellishment as regards ornamental
or Old English letters. It should not be a thin card, and should be
three inches and five eighths in width, and slightly under two and a
half in depth.
The name of the lady should be printed in the centre of the card, and
her address in the left-hand corner. If she has a second address, it
should be printed in the opposite corner of the card. If the second
address is but a temporary one, it is usually written and not printed.
A married lady should never use her christian name on a card; but she
should use her husband's christian name before her surname if his father
or elder brother is living.
It is now considered old-fashioned for husbands and wives to have their
names printed on the same card, although at watering-places, the
practice of having the two names on the same card, "Mr. and Mrs. Dash,"
is still occasionally followed; but even when these cards are used, a
lady and gentleman still require separate cards of their own.
A lady having a large acquaintance should keep a visiting book, in which
to enter the names of her acquaintances, and the date when their cards
were left upon her, with the dates of her return cards left upon them,
that she might know whether a card were due to her from them, or whether
it were due to them from her.
A lady having a small acquaintance would find a memorandum book
sufficient for the purpose; a line should be drawn down the centre of
every page, dividing it into two columns, the one column for the names,
and the opposite column for the dates of the calls made and returned.
Leaving cards principally devolves upon the mistress of a house; a wife
should leave cards for her husband, as well as for herself; and a
daughter for her father. The master of a house has little or no
card-leaving to do, beyond leaving cards upon his bachelor friends.
In the country it is otherwise, and those who return home are called
upon by their friends and acquaintances in the first instance, unless
under exceptional circumstances.
Ladies arriving in town should leave cards on their acquaintances and
friends to intimate that they have returned.
Visiting cards should be left in person, and should not be sent by post,
although in town, when the distance is considerable, it is tacitly
allowed; but, as a rule, ladies invariably leave their cards themselves.
On arriving in town for the season ladies having a large acquaintance
often send their visiting cards to their various friends and
acquaintances by a man-servant or through a stationer.
* * * * *
=The Routine of Card-leaving.=--As regards the routine of card-leaving.
When driving, a lady should desire her footman to inquire if the
mistress of the house at which she is calling is "at home." If not "at
home," and it is a first call, she should hand him _three_ cards--_one_
of her own, and _two_ of her husband's. Her card is left for the
mistress of the house, and her husband's cards for both master and
mistress.
If not a first call a lady should leave one only of her husband's cards
if his acquaintance with her friend's husband is an intimate one and
they are in the habit of meeting frequently. If, on the contrary, they
know each other but slightly, and meet but seldom, then two of his cards
should be left. This, however, not on every occasion of calling.
When a lady is merely leaving cards, she should hand the three cards to
her servant, saying, "For Mrs. ----." This ensures the cards being left
at the right address, and is the correct formula for the occasion.
When a lady is walking, and finds the mistress of the house at which she
calls is "not at home," she should act as above.
When a lady intends making a call she should ask if "Mrs. ---- is at
home?" And if the answer is in the affirmative, she should, after making
the call, leave _two_ of her husband's cards on the hall table, and
neither put them in the card-basket nor leave them on the drawing-room
table, nor offer them to her hostess, all of which would be very
incorrect; but she might on reaching the hall hand them to the
man-servant silently, or she might send them in by her own servant when
seated in her carriage, saying, "For Mr. and Mrs. Smith." She should not
leave her _own_ card on the hall table, as, having seen the lady of the
house, the reason for doing so no longer exists.[1]
When a lady calling is accompanied by her husband and the mistress of
the house is at home, the husband should leave one of his cards only,
for the absent master of the house; when the master of the house is at
home also, a card in that case should not be left.
When the mistress of a house has a grown-up daughter or daughters, the
lady leaving cards should turn down one corner of her visiting card--the
right-hand corner generally--to include the daughter or daughters in the
call. This custom of turning down a corner of a visiting card signifies
that other ladies of the family besides the hostess are included in the
call. A foreigner turns down the _end_ of a card instead of one corner
only, which has not the same signification. It is to denote that he has
left it in person.
A lady should not leave one of her husband's cards for the daughters of
the house, but she not unfrequently leaves his card for the grown-up
sons of the house.
When a lady intends leaving cards on a friend who is the guest of some
one with whom she is unacquainted, she should only leave cards for her
friend and not for her friend's hostess; but if she is slightly
acquainted with her friend's hostess, she should leave cards upon her
on the occasion of her first visit to her friend, but it would not be
necessary to do so at every subsequent visit, especially if they were of
frequent occurrence.
Young ladies should not have visiting cards of their own; their names
should be printed beneath that of their mother on her card. In the case
of there being no mother living, the daughter's name should be printed
beneath that of her father on the usual lady's visiting card, but never
on the smaller cards used by gentlemen. When young ladies are taken out
into society by relatives or friends, their names should be written in
pencil under the names of the ladies chaperoning them on their visiting
cards.
Maiden ladies of a certain age should have visiting cards of their own,
but until a young lady has attained what is termed a certain age, it
argues no little independence of action to have a card of her own; but
when she no longer requires chaperonage, she is entitled to a card of
her own, being clearly her own mistress, and able to choose her own
acquaintances.
When a young lady is on a visit unaccompanied by her parents, and wishes
to call on ladies with whom the lady she is staying with is
unacquainted, she should leave her mother's card on which her own name
is also printed, and should draw a pencil through her mother's name to
intimate that she was not with her on that occasion.
Cards should always be returned within a week if possible, or ten days
at latest, after they have been left, but to do so within a week is more
courteous. And care must be taken to return the "call" or "cards"
according to the etiquette observed by the person making the call or
leaving the card; that is to say, that a "call" must _not_ be returned
by a card only, or a "card" by a "call." This is a point ladies should
be very punctilious about.
Should a lady of higher rank return a card by a "call," asking if the
mistress of the house were "at home," her so doing would be in strict
etiquette; and should she return a "call" by a card only, it should be
understood that she wished the acquaintance to be of the slightest; and
should a lady call upon an acquaintance of higher rank than herself, who
had only left a card upon her, her doing so would be a breach of
etiquette.
In large establishments the hall porter enters the names of all callers
in a book expressly kept for the purpose, while some ladies merely
desire their servant to sort the cards left for them.
The name of the lady or gentleman for whom the cards are intended should
never be written on the cards left at a house. The only case in which it
should be done would be when cards are left on a lady or a gentleman
staying at a crowded hotel, when, to save confusion, and to ensure their
receiving them, their names should be written on them thus: "For Mr. and
Mrs. Smith." But this would be quite an exceptional case, otherwise to
do so would be extremely vulgar.
* * * * *
=Leaving Cards after Entertainments.=--Visiting cards should be left
after the following entertainments: balls, receptions, private
theatricals, amateur concerts, and dinners, by those who have been
invited, whether the invitations have been accepted or not, and should
be left the day after the entertainment if possible, and certainly
within the week according to the rules of card-leaving already
described. On these occasions cards should be left without inquiry as to
whether the hostess is at home, although after a dinner-party it is the
rule to ask if she is at home, as to dine at a house denotes a greater
intimacy than being present at a large gathering. If the hostess were
not at home, cards should be left.
If a lady has been but once present at any entertainment, whether the
invitation came through a mutual friend or direct from the hostess
herself, the hostess being but a slight acquaintance of her own, besides
leaving cards on her the day following, she can, if she desires, leave
cards on her the following season, or, if residing in the same town,
within a reasonable time of the entertainment; but if these cards are
not acknowledged by cards being left in return, she should of course
understand that the acquaintance is to proceed no further.
A lady should not leave cards on another lady to whom she has but
recently been introduced at a dinner-party or afternoon tea; for
instance, she must meet her several times in society, and feel sure that
her acquaintance is desired, before venturing to leave cards. If two
ladies are of equal rank, tact will be their best guide as to the
advisability of leaving cards or not upon each other; the lady of
superior rank may take the initiative if she pleases. If either of the
ladies express a wish to further the acquaintance by asking the other to
call upon her, the suggestion should come from the lady of highest rank;
if of equal rank it is immaterial as to which first makes the
suggestion. But in either case the call should be paid within the week.
* * * * *
=Leaving Cards upon New-comers.=--In the country the residents should be
the first to leave cards on the new-comers, after ascertaining the
position which the new-comers occupy in society.
Persons moving in the same sphere should either leave cards or call
according as they intend to be ceremonious or friendly, and the return
visits should be paid in like manner, a card for a card, a call for a
call.
It is the received rule that residents should call on new-comers,
although having no previous acquaintance with them, or introductions to
them.
New-comers, even if of higher rank, should not call on residents in the
first instance, but should wait until the residents have taken the
initiative. If residents do not wish to continue the acquaintance after
the first meeting, it is discontinued by not leaving cards, or by not
calling again, and if the new-comers feel disinclined to continue the
acquaintance they should return the calls by leaving cards only. Calling
on new-comers in the country should not be done indiscriminately, and
due consideration should be paid to individual status in society.
The lady of highest social position in the circle to which the
new-comers belong generally takes the responsibility of calling first on
the new-comers. By new-comers is expressed persons who intend to reside
in a county or town for a long, or even for a short period, and who are
not casual visitors in the place.
The custom of residents calling on new-comers is entirely confined to
county society, and does not apply to residents in large towns and
populous watering-places.
In old cathedral cities and quiet country towns, far from the
metropolis, on the contrary, the rule holds good of residents calling
on new-comers.
* * * * *
=Cards "To Inquire."=--Cards to inquire after friends during their
illness should be left in person, and should not be sent by post; but
they may be sent by a servant. On a lady's visiting card should be
written above the printed name: "To inquire after Mrs. Smith." When the
person inquired after is sufficiently recovered to return thanks in
person, the usual visiting card, with "many thanks for kind inquiries,"
written above the printed name, is the usual mode of returning thanks,
and is all-sufficient for the purpose.
* * * * *
=P.P.C. Cards.=--Formerly P.P.C. cards were left within a week of
departure, or within ten days if the acquaintance was a large one.
The letters P.P.C. for _pour prendre conge_, written at the lower corner
of visiting cards, indicate departure from town or from a neighbourhood.
P.P.C. cards may be left in person or sent by a servant; they can also
be sent by post. The object of leaving P.P.C. cards is to avoid
leave-takings and correspondence concerning departure, and to prevent
offence being given if letters and invitations remained unanswered.
In the country an absence of from three to six months renders leaving
P.P.C. cards somewhat necessary; under that period it would be
unnecessary to give notice of a temporary absence which does not amount
to an actual departure. Short absences render it unnecessary to leave
P.P.C. cards. Holiday movements at Christmas, Easter, and Whitsuntide
are thoroughly recognized, and no leave-taking is obligatory. P.P.C.
cards are now seldom if ever left in town.
* * * * *
=Business Calls.=--When a lady makes a strictly business call upon
either a lady or gentleman she should give her card to the servant to
be taken to his master or mistress, but on no other occasion should
she do so.
* * * * *
=Gentlemen's Visiting Cards.=--A gentleman's card should be thin--thick
cards are not in good taste--and not glazed, and of the usual narrow
width, _i.e._ one and a half inches in depth, and three inches in width;
his name should be printed in the centre, thus: "Mr. Smith" or "Mr.
Francis Smith," should he require the addition of his christian name to
distinguish him from his father or elder brother. To have "Francis
Smith" printed on the card without the prefix of "Mr." would be in
bad taste.
Initials appertaining to honorary rank should never be written or
printed on a card, such as D.L., K.C., M.P., K.C.B., M.D., etc. Military
or professional titles necessarily precede the surname of the person
bearing them, and are always used, such as "Colonel Smith," "Captain
Smith," "Rev. H. Smith," "Dr. Smith," etc.
As regards titles, "The Honourable" is the only title that is not used
on a visiting card. Thus "The Honourable Henry Smith's" card should bear
the words "Mr. Henry Smith" only.
A Baronet's card should be printed thus, "Sir George Smith," and a
Knight's card thus, "Sir Charles Smith." A gentleman's address should be
printed in the left hand corner of the card. If a member of a club, it
is usual to print the name of the club at the right hand. Officers
usually have the name of the club printed at the left hand corner in the
place of the address, and the regiment to which they belong at the right
hand.
Cards should be printed in small copper-plate script, without
ornamentation of any kind. Old English letters look old-fashioned on a
card, and are but little used; and ornamental capital letters are never
used, and are out of date. The lettering should be as plain and as free
from any sort of embellishment as it well can be.
* * * * *
=The Routine of Card-leaving for Gentlemen.=--To bachelors card-leaving
is an irksome routine of etiquette, and is, therefore, in a measure
often neglected, by reason of their having little or no leisure at
command during the afternoon hours. This is now thoroughly understood
and accepted in general society. When, however, a bachelor has his way
to make in society and has leisure to further the acquaintanceships he
has already made, he should follow the rules of card-leaving.
Bachelors, as a rule, are expected to leave cards on the master and
mistress of a house with whom they are acquainted as soon as they are
aware that the family have arrived in town; or if a bachelor himself has
been away, he should leave cards on his acquaintances immediately after
his return. He should leave one card for the mistress of the house and
one for its master.
A gentleman should not turn down a corner of his card, even though he
may be acquainted with other ladies of the family besides the mistress
of the house. A gentleman should not leave a card for the young
daughters of the house, or for any young relative of its mistress who
might be staying with her; but if a married couple with whom he is
acquainted were staying with the friends on whom he is calling, he
should leave two cards for them, one for the wife and one for the
husband, and should tell the servant for whom they are intended.
As regards leaving cards upon new acquaintances, a gentleman should not
leave his card upon a married lady, or the mistress of a house, to whom
he has been introduced, however gracious or agreeable she has been to
him, unless she expressly asks him to call, or gives him to understand
in an unmistakable manner that his doing so would be agreeable to her.
This rule holds good, whether the introduction has taken place at a
dinner-party, at a ball, at an "at home," at a country-house gathering,
or elsewhere; he would not be entitled to leave his card on her on such
slight acquaintanceship; as, if she desired his further acquaintance,
she would make some polite allusion to his calling at her house, in
which case he should leave his card on her as soon afterwards as
convenient, and he should also leave a card for the master of the house,
the lady's husband or father (as the case may be), even if he had not
made his acquaintance when making that of the lady.
A gentleman should not leave a card on a young lady to whom he has
been introduced, but upon her mother or the relative with whom she
is residing.
When the acquaintance existing between gentlemen is but slight, they
should occasionally leave cards upon each other, especially when they do
not move in the same circle, and are not otherwise likely to meet; it
generally follows that the one who most desires the acquaintanceship is
the one to leave his card first, always supposing that the strength of
the acquaintance would warrant his so doing. The one of highest rank
should be the one to intimate that he desires the acquaintance of the
other; if the rank be equal, it is a matter of inclination which calls
first.
The rules of etiquette, though stringent as regards acquaintances, have
little or no application as regards intimate friends; friendship
overrules etiquette.
When a bachelor has a number of intimate friends, very little
card-leaving is required from him as far as they are concerned.
* * * * *
=Leaving Cards after Entertainments.=--In the event of a gentleman
receiving an invitation to an entertainment from an acquaintance, or
from a new acquaintance, or through some mutual friend, he should leave
his cards at the house within a week or ten days after the
entertainment, one for the mistress and one for the master of the house,
whether he has accepted the invitation or not. Between friends this rule
is greatly relaxed.
It is usual for a gentleman to leave his cards on the host or on the
hostess, after every entertainment to which he has been invited by them,
whether it be a dinner-party, or ball, or "at home," etc. Whether he has
been present or not, the fact of his having been invited by them obliges
him to pay them this civility, although great latitude as regards time
is now accorded in general society with regard to this particular rule.
If invited by a new acquaintance, the cards should be left a few days
after the entertainment, but if by a less recent acquaintance they
should be left within ten days or a fortnight, but the earlier the cards
are left the greater the politeness shown.
If a bachelor acquaintance gives an entertainment, the same rule applies
as to the necessity of cards being left on him by those gentlemen but
slightly acquainted with him who have been invited to the entertainment.
When a gentleman has been invited to an entertainment given at the house
of a new acquaintance, whether the acquaintance be a lady or a
gentleman, it would be etiquette for him to leave his card upon them on
their arrival in town or elsewhere, even though they may not have
invited him to any subsequent entertainment given by them within the
year. If during the following year they do not again invite him, he
might consider the acquaintance at an end and cease to call. These
complimentary calls made, or rather cards left, should not average more
than four during the year.
* * * * *
=Memorial Cards= are out of date in society, and consequently should not
be sent to either relatives or friends.
A widow should not make use of her christian name on her visiting cards
to distinguish her from other members of her late husband's family. Her
cards should be printed as during his lifetime.
FOOTNOTES:
[1] It is, however, permissible on the occasion of a _first_ call to
say, "I shall leave my card in the hall to remind you of my address";
or some such phrase.
CHAPTER IV
PAYING CALLS
Ladies stand upon strict and ceremonious etiquette with each other as
regards both paying and receiving calls. Ignorance or neglect of the
rules which regulate paying calls, brings many inconveniences in its
train; for instance, when a lady neglects to pay a call due to an
acquaintance, she runs the risk of herself and daughters being excluded
from entertainments given by the said acquaintance.
When a call has not been made within a reasonable time, a coldness is
apt to arise between ladies but slightly acquainted with each other.
Some ladies take this omission good-naturedly or indifferently, while
with others the acquaintance merges into a mere bowing acquaintance to
be subsequently dropped altogether.
The first principle of calling is, that those who are the first to
arrive in town should be the _first_ to call upon their acquaintances to
intimate their return.
"Morning calls," so designated on account of their being made before
dinner, are, more strictly speaking, "afternoon calls," as they should
only be made between the hours of three and six o'clock.
Calls made in the morning--that is before one o'clock--would not come
under the denomination of "morning calls," as they can only be made by
intimate friends and not by acquaintances, and are not, therefore,
amenable to the rules of etiquette which govern the afternoon calls,
which calls are regulated in a great measure--as to the hour of
calling--by the exact degree of intimacy existing between the person who
calls and the person called upon. From three to four o'clock is the
ceremonious hour for calling; from four to five o'clock is the
semi-ceremonious hour; and from five to six o'clock is the wholly
friendly and without ceremony hour.
If a lady is driving when she calls at the house of an acquaintance, she
should say to her servant, "Ask if Mrs. A---- is at home."
When a lady is walking, she should ask the same question herself.
When the answer is in the negative, she should leave one of her own
cards and one of her husband's, and should say to the servant, "For Mr.
and Mrs. A----."
When the answer is in the affirmative, the lady should enter the house
without further remark and follow the servant to the drawing-room.
The servant should go before the visitor, to lead the way to the
drawing-room, and, however accustomed a visitor may be to a house, it is
still the proper etiquette for the servant to lead the way, and announce
him or her to his mistress; and this rule should not be dispensed with,
except in the case of very near relations or very intimate friends.
At the drawing-room door the servant waits for a moment until the
visitor has reached the landing, when the visitor should give his or her
name to the servant, "Mr. A----" or "Mrs. A----," should the servant be
unacquainted with it.
If the visitor calling bears the title of "Honourable" it should not be
mentioned by him or her to the servant when giving the name, neither
should it be mentioned by the servant when announcing the visitor.
All titles are given in full by the servants of those who bear them,
thus: "The Duke and Duchess of A----," "The Marquis and Marchioness of
B----," "The Earl and Countess of C----," "Viscount and Viscountess
D----," "Lord and Lady E----," etc.; but a marchioness, a countess, or a
viscountess when giving her name to be announced at a morning call would
style herself "Lady A----" only.
A gentleman or lady should never give his or her visiting card to the
servant when the mistress of the house is at home.
A servant should not knock at the drawing-room door when announcing
visitors. The servant, on opening the drawing-room door, should stand
inside the doorway, he should not stand behind the door, but well into
the room; facing the mistress of the house if possible, and should say,
"Mr. A----," or "Mrs. A----."
When the mistress of the house is not in the drawing-room when a visitor
arrives, the visitor should seat herself and rise at her entrance.
Visitors should not make any inquiries of the servant as to how long his
mistress will be, or where she is, or what she is doing, etc. Visitors
are not expected to converse with the servants of their acquaintances,
and should not enter into conversation with them.
Formerly a gentleman when calling, took his hat and stick in his hand
with him into the drawing-room, and held them until he had seen the
mistress of the house and shaken hands with her. He either placed them
on a chair or table near at hand or held them in his hand, according as
to whether he felt at ease or the reverse, until he took his leave. Many
middle-aged and elderly men still follow this fashion in a degree, and
take their hats and sticks into the drawing-room when making formal
calls.
The newer fashion amongst younger men is to leave their hats and sticks
in the hall and not to take them into the drawing-room with them when
calling. To do this is now very general, as hats are in the way if tea
is going on; besides, men were apt to forget where they placed their
hats, and frequently had to return to the drawing-room in search of
them.
At "at homes," small afternoon teas, luncheons, dinners, etc., the rule
is the same, and hats are left in the hall by invited guests.
A gentleman should not take his stick or umbrella with him into the
drawing-room, but leave it in the hall.
When gentlemen wear gloves, they can take them off or keep them on as
they please, it is immaterial which they do, but when a call is made
when tea is going on, it is more usual to take them off.
When the mistress of the house is in the drawing-room when a visitor is
announced--and she should so arrange her occupations as always to be
found there on the afternoons when she intends being "at home" should
visitors call--she should rise, come forward, and shake hands with her
visitor. She should not ask her visitor to be seated, or to "take a
seat," but she might say, "Where will you sit?" or, "Will you sit here?"
or something to this effect; and should at once sit down and expect her
visitor to do the same, as near to herself as possible.
Both hostess and visitor should guard against displaying a fussy
demeanour during a morning call, as a morning call is oftener than not a
_tete-a-tete_, and a _tete-a-tete_ between two persons but slightly
acquainted with each other requires a considerable amount of tact and
_savoir vivre_ to be sustained with ease and self-possession. A fussy
woman is without repose, without dignity, and without _savoir vivre_.
A hostess betrays that she is not much accustomed to society when she
attempts to amuse her visitor by the production of albums, photographs,
books, illustrated newspapers, portfolios of drawings, the artistic
efforts of the members of the family, and the like; conversation being
all that is necessary, without having recourse to pictorial displays.
If not intimate enough to refer to family matters, the conversation
should turn on light topics of the hour.[2]
People unused to society are apt to fall back upon the above
adventitious aids. A hostess should rely solely upon her own powers of
conversation to make the short quarter of an hour--which is the limit of
a ceremonious call--pass pleasantly to her visitor. The hostess should
not offer her visitor any refreshments, wine and cake, for instance. No
refreshments whatever, save tea, should be offered to morning visitors;
they are not supposed to require them.
In the country it is customary to offer sherry to gentlemen callers, and
to order tea for the ladies, even though the call is made rather early
in the afternoon, and a little before the hour for having tea.
Ceremonious visits are usually paid before the hour of half-past four;
but if tea is brought in while the visitor is in the drawing-room, or if
the visitor calls while the hostess is having tea, she should naturally
offer her visitor tea.
When the mistress of the house only expects a few callers, "tea" is
placed on a small table--a silver tray being generally used for the
purpose. The hostess should pour out the tea herself; when a gentleman
is present, he should hand the cups to the visitors or visitor,
otherwise the hostess should herself do so, and then hand the sugar and
cream, without asking whether her visitors will have either, unless she
is preparing the cups of tea herself, in which case she should ask the
question.
When a second visitor arrives, ten or fifteen minutes after the first
visitor, the first visitor should take her leave as soon as she
conveniently can. When the second visitor is a lady, the hostess should
rise and shake hands with her, and then seat herself; the first visitor,
if a lady, should not rise; if a gentleman, he should do so.
A hostess should also rise and come forward when a gentleman is
announced; this gives her an opportunity of talking to him for a few
moments on his first entering the room. The second visitor should at
once seat him or herself near to the hostess.
She should introduce the callers to each other unless she has some
especial reason for not doing so. She could, however, in the course of
conversation merely mention the name of each caller, so that each may
become aware of the name of the other. This is now often done when
formal introductions are not made. If the hostess possesses tact, and a
facility and readiness of speech, she should skilfully draw both callers
into the conversation (a subject which is fully enlarged upon in "The
Art of Conversing"). The hostess should not take this latter course
unless aware that the two visitors would be likely to appreciate
each other.
When one visitor arrives immediately after the other, the hostess should
converse equally with both visitors, and the lady who was the first to
arrive should be the first to leave, after a call of from ten to fifteen
minutes. When only one visitor is present the hostess should accompany
her to the door of the drawing-room, and linger for a few moments,
whilst the visitor is descending the stairs. To do so would not be
imperative, but it would be courteous. When the host is present he
should accompany the lady downstairs into the hall; this also is an
optional civility, and greatly depends upon the estimation in which the
lady is held by host and hostess.
When two visitors are present the hostess should rise and shake hands
with the departing visitor; but unless a person of greater consideration
than the visitor who still remained seated, she should not accompany her
to the drawing-room door.
One visitor should not rise from her seat when another is about to take
her leave. When visitors are acquainted with each other they should rise
and shake hands. When one of the visitors is a gentleman he should rise,
even if unacquainted with the lady who is about to take her leave; he
should not remain seated when the hostess is standing.
When two visitors, either two ladies or two gentlemen, have slightly
conversed with each other during a morning call, they should not shake
hands with each other on leaving, but should merely bow. When they have
not spoken to each other, they should not bow.
When they have been formally introduced they should still only bow,
unless the acquaintance has progressed into sudden intimacy through
previous knowledge of each other.
When one of the visitors present is a gentleman he should open the
drawing-room door for the departing visitor, but he should not accompany
her downstairs unless requested by the hostess to do so; the visitor
should bow to him and thank him, but not shake hands with him.
When the hostess has shaken hands with a guest, and before crossing the
room with her, she should ring the drawing-room bell, that the servant
may be in readiness in the hall to open the door. She should ring the
bell even if the host were accompanying the lady downstairs. It would be
thoughtless on the part of the hostess to forget to ring the bell to
give notice to the servant that a visitor was leaving.
In the country, the caller before rising to depart sometimes asks if she
may ring for her motor-car to come round. When the hostess is in reach
of the bell, she should ring it for her; when a gentleman is present, he
should do so. On the servant's entrance, the caller should say, "My
motor-car, please!"
When a lady is calling on a friend, the guest of some one with whom she
herself is unacquainted, or even but slightly acquainted, she should in
both cases ask if her friend is at home, and not if the mistress of the
house is at home; and having paid her visit, on leaving the house she
should leave cards for its mistress if she is slightly acquainted with
her, but should not do so if she is unacquainted with her.
When a lady has a guest staying on a visit to her, if convenient, she
should, when her guest expected visitors, absent herself from the
drawing-room at that particular time, unless the expected visitors are
mutual friends of herself and guest.
If she is in the drawing-room with her guests when a visitor is
announced so as to render an introduction inevitable, a formal
introduction should be made, but the mistress of the house, after a very
few minutes, should make some excuse, quietly leave the room, and not
return until after the departure of the visitor. It would be
inconsiderate were the mistress of the house to remain in the
drawing-room while calls were paid to her guest by strangers to herself
unless at her guest's particular request. When a visitor is a gentleman,
and the guest a young unmarried lady, the mistress of the house should
remain in the drawing-room to chaperon her.
When the mistress of the house is desirous of making the acquaintance of
any particular friend of her guest, from whom she expected a visit, when
the visit occurs and previous to the visitor taking her leave, the guest
should ask if she will allow her to introduce her to the lady with whom
she is staying. If her visitor desires the introduction, she should then
ring and request the servant to tell his mistress that Mrs. A. is in the
drawing-room, which message the hostess would understand to mean that
her presence is desired, and the introduction would then be made on her
appearing. An introduction, if made in this manner, could become the
basis of a future acquaintance, both ladies having had the option of
refusing the acquaintance of the other if so disposed; whereas a forced
introduction where no option is given would hardly count as the basis of
a future acquaintance unless the ladies thus introduced mutually
appreciated each other.
In the country a guest seldom has friends and acquaintances in the
neighbourhood, who are unknown to her hostess; if otherwise, the
hostess should give her guest the opportunity of seeing her visitor by
leaving them together when the call is made.
When a guest is present when the mistress of a house is receiving
callers, she should introduce them to her guest or her guest to them,
according to the rank of either (see Chapter II.).
When a lady is driving with a friend who is a stranger to the
acquaintance on whom she is calling, she should not take her into the
house with her while she makes her call, unless she is a young lady, or
unless there is some especial reason for introducing the two ladies to
each other, or unless both ladies have expressed a wish to become
acquainted with each other. Husbands and wives occasionally pay calls
together, but oftener they do not. A lady, as a rule, pays a call by
herself, unless she has a grown-up daughter, when she should accompany
her mother.
Occasionally two ladies, both intimate with the lady of the house, pay
their calls together. A family party, of father and mother and daughter,
or daughters, rarely call in town together, save under very exceptional
circumstances; but in the country a family party of three or four
would, as a matter of course, call together; it is country etiquette
to do so.
A considerable difference exists with regard to "Sunday calls," or
calling on Sundays. Ladies should not pay ceremonious calls on Sundays;
it would not be etiquette for an acquaintance to call on a Sunday, it
would rather be considered a liberty, unless she were expressly asked to
do so. Intimate friends, on the contrary, often make Sunday a special
day for calling, and therefore, ladies and gentlemen--more especially
gentlemen--extend their calling hours from three until six o'clock
on Sundays.
When a lady is acquainted with the daughters of a family only, and not
with their father or mother, she should call on the daughters, who
should at once introduce her to their mother on the next occasion of
calling. If the mother is not present, the lady calling should leave
cards for her; and at all morning calls, when the daughters of the house
receive a ceremonious visit from an acquaintance, in the absence of
their mother, whether from indisposition or any other cause, cards
should be left for her in the hall before leaving by the lady calling
(see Chapter III.).
In all cases, when "morning calls" are made, and the lady called on is
not at home, cards should be left according to the etiquette described
in Chapter II., an etiquette which should be strictly observed; when the
lady called on is "at home," cards should be left for the gentlemen of
the family, according to the same rules of card-leaving, which cannot be
too punctiliously followed.
A mistress of a house should inform her servant after or before
luncheon, or before the hours for calling, whether she intends to be "at
home" to visitors or not during the afternoon.
"Not at home" is the understood formula expressive of not wishing to
see visitors.
"Not at home" is not intended to imply an untruth, but rather to signify
that for some reason, or reasons, it is not desirable to see visitors;
and as it would be impossible to explain to acquaintances the why and
the wherefore of its being inconvenient to receive visitors, the formula
of "Not at home" is all-sufficient explanation, provided always that a
servant is able to give a direct answer at once of "Not at home" when
the query is put to him. If a servant is not sure as to whether his
mistress wishes to see visitors or not, it is almost a direct offence to
the lady calling if he hesitates as to his answer, and leaves her either
sitting in her carriage or standing in the hall, while "He will see if
his mistress is 'at home,'" perhaps returning with the unsatisfactory
answer that she is "Not at home"; in which case the intimation is almost
received as a personal exclusion rather than as a general exclusion
of visitors.
If a lady is dressing to go out when a visitor calls, the servant can
mention that fact to a visitor calling, and offer to ascertain if his
mistress will see the caller; and the caller should use her own
discretion as to whether she will allow him to do so or not; but unless
the visit is one of importance, it would be best in such a case only to
leave cards.
When a second visitor calls, a servant should not be permitted to say
that his mistress is "engaged with a lady," or "with a gentleman," but
should usher the second caller into the drawing-room, as he has
previously done the first caller. He should not inquire as to whether
his mistress will see the second caller or not. Neither should he inform
the second caller as to whether any one is or is not with his mistress,
as ignorant servants are too apt to do.
It is not usual to offer coffee at afternoon tea; tea only is given. To
offer coffee is a foreign fashion, and not an English one.
"Morning" callers should not be conducted to the dining-room to have
tea; and tea is only served in the dining-room on the occasion of a
large afternoon tea, or afternoon "at home," etc. (See chapter on
"Afternoon 'At Homes'" p. 151.)
The tea hour varies from 4 to 4.30 o'clock. When callers are present at
4 o'clock, tea should be brought in at that hour. It should be placed
upon a small table, which is first covered with a white linen or damask
tea-cloth. The tea-tray should be large enough to hold, in addition to
the china, silver teapot, etc., an urn for hot water, which should be
brought in and placed upon it. A stand containing hot cakes, an uncut
cake, small cakes, tiny sandwiches, and thin bread-and-butter should be
placed near to the tea-table. Tiny tea-plates should be placed in a pile
upon the tea-tray, they being in general use. The hostess or her
daughter should pour out the tea.
Apart from the foregoing style of afternoon tea is the newer fashion of
what might be termed "a round-table tea," at which hostess and guests
sit, but this style is more usual at country houses than in town houses
at present, on account of the space required, if for no other reason.
The tea is served in a smaller drawing-room, upon a large round or oval
table, which is covered with a white table-cloth, upon which the
tea-tray with all its contents is placed. Cakes, hot and cold,
sandwiches, pastry, fruit, jam, bread-and-butter, biscuits, dry toast,
etc., are given, and the visitors seated at the table help themselves to
what they require. The hostess pours out the tea and hands the cups as
when guests are not seated in this way. Dessert plates and dessert
knives and forks should be placed on the table beside the small
tea-plates, to be taken as required.
FOOTNOTES:
[2] See work entitled "The Art of Conversing."
CHAPTER V
PRECEDENCY
The order of precedency due to each individual according to rank is a
matter of great importance at official banquets and at ceremonious
dinner-parties, when its correct observance should be strictly
adhered to.
* * * * *
=As regards Precedency amongst Royal Personages=, the Sovereign takes
precedence of all others in the realm; the King takes precedence of
Queen Mary. The Prince of Wales takes precedence of the Duke of
Connaught. Queen Alexandra takes precedence of the Royal Princesses. The
Royal Princesses take precedence of their husbands, Prince Christian and
the Duke of Argyll.
* * * * *
=The Precedency accorded to Foreign Royal Personages= in this country
very much depends upon their individual rank. Imperial Highnesses and
Royal Highnesses take precedence of Serene Highnesses.
* * * * *
=The Precedency accorded to Eastern Princes= is generally synonymous
with that accorded to Serene Highnesses; but in some instances the
claims of individual precedency are so difficult to define, that in
official cases it is sometimes necessary to make a special rule as to
the amount of precedency to be allowed.
* * * * *
=As regards General Precedency=, archbishops, ambassadors, The Lord High
Chancellor, The Prime Minister, Lord Chancellor of Ireland, Lord
President of the Council, and Lord Privy Seal, take precedence of
dukes; dukes take precedence of earls, and so on throughout the various
degrees of nobility.
* * * * *
=Foreign Ministers and Envoys= take precedence next after dukes, in the
order of their seniority of service in England. In all cases where
precedency is to be established between persons of equal rank it is
necessary to refer to a Peerage for date of creation of title, as this
actually decides all precedency.
* * * * *
=For Precedency due to Baronets= and their wives a Baronetage should
be consulted.
* * * * *
=For Precedency due to Knights= and their wives a Knightage should be
consulted in reference to each order of knighthood.
* * * * *
=For the Precedency due to the Legal Profession= a Law List should be
consulted when it is not defined by office or birth.
* * * * *
=For the Precedency due to the Clergy= a Clergy List should be consulted
when superior preferment or birth does not define it.
* * * * *
=For the Precedency due to Officers= in the army and navy an Army List
and a Navy List should be consulted to determine the precedency due to
each in the separate Services.
* * * * *
=Officers should be sent in to Dinner= according to the dates of
commission, but no branch of the Army takes precedence over the other as
regards rank of officers; that is to say, a colonel of 1901, of say, a
West India regiment, would precede a colonel of Guards, artillery or
cavalry of 1902 promotion. Drawn up on a brigade parade, the cavalry
take the right of the line; thus: Artillery, Royal Engineers, footguards
and regular regiments, regiments and West India regiments, in the order
named in the Army List.
* * * * *
=As regards Precedency between Officers= of the combined Services a
table of "Relative Rank and Precedency in the Army and Navy" should be
consulted, as a captain in the navy after three years' service ranks
with a colonel in the army, a lieutenant of the navy of eight years'
standing ranks with a major in the army, and a lieutenant under that
standing in the navy, ranks with a captain in the army, etc.
Consulate officers also take precedence according to seniority of
service in England and date of official arrival. The Foreign Office List
of the current year should be consulted for date in each instance.
* * * * *
=As regards the Precedence due to Widows= bearing titles who have
married again: The widow of a peer married to a commoner retains her
title by courtesy, and the precedency due to the title is accorded
to her.
* * * * *
=When the Widow of a Duke= marries a person of lower rank than that of
her late husband, she still retains her precedency.
* * * * *
=The Daughter of a Peer= if married to a baronet or a commoner retains
her precedency, but if married to a baron her precedency is merged in
that of her husband.
* * * * *
=The Widow of a Baronet= married to a commoner retains her title by
right and not by courtesy.
* * * * *
=The Widow of a Knight= married to a commoner retains her title by
courtesy only, but the precedency due to the widow of a knight is
accorded to her.
* * * * *
=When the Daughter of a Duke= marries a peer she takes the precedency
due to the rank of her husband; if she marries a commoner, precedency is
accorded to her due to the daughter of a duke.
* * * * *
=Age confers no Precedency= on either sex. Equals in rank from the
highest to the lowest take precedence according to the creation of their
title and not as regards the age of the person bearing the title. As,
for instance, a youthful duke would take precedence of an aged duke, if
the title of the youthful duke bore an earlier date than that of the
aged duke. The same rule applies equally to baronets and knights.
When two earls are present at a dinner-party, the date of their
respective patents of nobility decides the order of precedency due
to them.
A host or hostess should always consult a "Peerage" or a "Baronetage" if
in doubt as to the precedence due to expected guests bearing titles;
wealth or social position are not taken into account in this matter, it
being strictly a question of date.
* * * * *
=The Precedence due to Ladies of Equal Rank= takes effect in the same
manner. Thus, a young wife of a baronet takes precedence over the
elderly wife of a baronet if the creation of her husband's title bears
an earlier date.
* * * * *
=When the Claims to Precedency of Persons of Equal Rank= clash, the
claims of a gentleman should be waived in favour of those of a lady,
should the persons be of opposite sexes. Thus, if two couples of
superior rank to the other guests were present at a dinner-party, the
host should take down the lady of highest rank, and the hostess should
be taken down by the gentleman of highest rank, in which case the lady
second in rank should go in to dinner _before_ her husband, although
the gentleman taking her down to dinner were of lower rank than her
husband.
* * * * *
=Esquires, and the Wives of Esquires=, take precedence according to
their social position. Members of Parliament have no precedence, though
it is often accorded to them as a matter of courtesy, especially in the
county which they represent; the wives of members of Parliament are
likewise entitled to no precedence on the ground of their husbands being
members of Parliament.
* * * * *
=The High Sheriff of a County= takes precedence over all other gentlemen
in the county, of whatever rank, save the lord-lieutenant, according to
the Royal warrant issued by His late Majesty King Edward, giving
precedence to lord-lieutenants of counties before high sheriffs.
* * * * *
=The High Sheriff= out of his particular county has no precedence,
neither has a lord-lieutenant; and the wives of either lords-lieutenants
or high sheriffs take no precedence on account of their husbands'
official dignity.
* * * * *
=An Assize Judge= takes precedence over the high sheriff as the assize
judge represents the Sovereign of the Realm.
* * * * *
=Clergymen, Barristers-at-Law=, officers in the army and navy take
precedence over esquires on account of such rank; and in each profession
precedence should be accorded them according to dignity, date of
ordination, date of call, and date of commission in their several
professions, assuming that the rank is equal.
* * * * *
=High Clerical and Legal Dignitaries= take special precedence; for
instance, the Archbishop of Canterbury takes precedence of all dukes,
and the Lord Chancellor takes precedence of the Archbishop of York, who
also takes precedence of dukes; bishops take precedence of all barons,
whatever their date of creation. The Lord Chief Justice, the Master of
the Rolls, when not peers, and all judges of the High Court of Justice
in their various divisions, take precedence after Privy Councillors and
before baronets and all knights, save the Knights of the Garter.
* * * * *
=The Relative Rank between Officers of the Army and Navy= and doctors of
divinity is somewhat difficult to determine as regards the precedence to
be given them at a dinner-party. "Dod" places "esquires by office,
which, of course, includes all officers of the army and navy," next
_before_ the younger sons of knights and before doctors in divinity, who
follow next in order; while "Lodge" places "officers of the navy and
army" _after_ the younger sons of knights bachelor, clergymen, and
barristers-at-law.
* * * * *
=Precedency at Dinner-Parties.=--When royalty is present at a
dinner-party, a prince of blood royal takes precedence of a princess,
and leads the way with the hostess, the host following next with the
princess. On the other hand, a princess of the blood royal takes
precedence of a foreign prince--her husband--and leads the way with
the host.
* * * * *
=The Host should take down the Lady of Highest Rank=, and lead the way
with her to the dining-room. The guests should follow the host in
couples according to the degree of precedence due to them, and the
hostess should follow the last couple with the gentleman of highest
rank present.
* * * * *
=When a Greater Number of Gentlemen= than ladies are present at a
dinner-party, as is often the case, these gentlemen should follow the
hostess to the dining-room and not precede her.
* * * * *
=When a Widow or Maiden Lady is Hostess,= and there is no gentleman of
the family present to act as host, the gentleman second in rank should
take down the lady of highest rank, leading the way with her to the
dining-room, the hostess following last, with the gentleman of highest
rank.
* * * * *
=In the Case of either a Husband's Sister= or a wife's sister being
required to act as hostess, precedence should be given to the
wife's sister.
* * * * *
=An Eldest Son's Wife= should take precedence of her husband's sisters
in his father's house.
As regards the precedence due to the relatives of a host or hostess, it
should give way in favour of that due to the guests not related to the
host or hostess, although their relatives might be, perhaps, of higher
rank than the guests themselves.
Occasionally, the eldest son of the house acts as second host, taking
down a lady second or third in rank; but the daughters of the house
should always be taken down to dinner after the other ladies present,
and in no case before them.
No precedence is accorded to either a lady or a gentleman by virtue of a
mother's rank.
No precedence is accorded to brides in society, though occasionally in
the country old-fashioned people consider it due to a bride to send her
in to dinner with the host on the occasion of her first dining at a
house within three months of her marriage.
Table of General Precedency
GENTLEMEN
The King.
The Prince of Wales.
The Sovereign's younger sons.
The Sovereign's grandsons.
The Sovereign's brothers.
The Sovereign's uncles.
The Sovereign's nephews.
Ambassadors.
Archbishop of Canterbury.
Lord High Chancellor.
Archbishop of York.
The Prime Minister.
Lord Chancellor of Ireland.
Lord President of the Council.
Lord Privy Seal.
Dukes who may happen to hold either of these five offices--
1. Lord Great Chamberlain.
2. Earl Marshal.
3. Lord Steward.
4. Lord Chamberlain.
5. Master of the Horse.
Dukes in order of their patents of creation--
1. Dukes of England.
2. " " Scotland.
3. Dukes of Great Britain.
4. " " Ireland created before the Union.
5. Dukes created since the Union.
Eldest sons of Dukes of Blood Royal.
Marquesses who may hold either of the Offices of State named above.
Marquesses in same order as Dukes.
Dukes' eldest sons.
Earls holding either of the five Offices of State.
Earls in same order as Dukes.
Younger sons of Dukes of Blood Royal.
Marquesses' eldest sons.
Dukes' younger sons.
Viscounts who may hold either of the five Offices of State.
Viscounts in same order as Dukes.
Earls' eldest sons.
Marquesses' younger sons.
Bishop of London.
" Durham.
" Winchester.
Other English Bishops in order of their consecration.
Moderator of the Church of Scotland.
Barons holding either of the five Offices of State.
Barons who may be Secretaries of State or Irish Secretary.
Barons in same order as Dukes.
The Speaker of the House of Commons.
Treasurer of the Household.
Comptroller of the Household.
Vice-Chamberlain of the Household.
Secretaries of State below the rank of Barons.
Viscounts' eldest sons.
Earls' younger sons.
Barons' eldest sons.
Commoners who are Knights of the Garter.
Privy Councillors of rank lower than the foregoing, according to date
they were sworn in.
Chancellor of the Exchequer.
" " " Duchy of Lancaster.
Lord Chief Justice of England.
Master of the Rolls.
Lords Justices of Appeal and President of Probate Court.
Judges of the High Court of Justice.
Viscounts' younger sons.
Barons' " "
Sons of Life Peers.
Baronets according to dates of patents.
Knights Grand Cross of Bath.
Knights Grand Commanders, Star of India.
Knights Grand Cross of St. Michael and St. George.
Knights Grand Commanders of Indian Empire.
Knights Grand Cross of Royal Victorian Order.
Knights Commanders of above Orders in same sequence.
Knights Bachelors of above Orders in same sequence.
Commanders of the Royal Victorian Order.
Judges of County Courts in England and Ireland, and Judges of the
City of London Court.
Masters in Lunacy.
Companions of Orders of Bath, Star of India, SS. Michael and George,
and Indian Empire in same sequence.
Members of 4th class of Royal Victorian Order.
Companions of Distinguished Service Order.
Eldest sons of younger sons of Peers.
Baronets' eldest sons.
Knights' eldest sons, in order of their fathers.
Members of 5th class of Royal Victorian Order.
Younger sons of Peers' younger sons.
Baronets' younger sons.
Knights' younger sons, in order of their fathers.
Naval, Military, and other Esquires by Office.
Gentlemen entitled to bear Coat Armour.
LADIES
The Queen.
The Queen Mother.
The Sovereign's daughters.
Wives of Sovereign's younger sons.
Sovereign's granddaughters.
Wives of Sovereign's grandsons.
Sovereign's sisters.
Wives of Sovereign's brothers.
Sovereign's aunts.
Wives of Sovereign's uncles.
Sovereign's nieces.
Wives of Sovereign's nephews.
Duchesses (in same order as Dukes).
Wives of eldest sons of Dukes of Blood Royal.
Marchionesses.
Wives of eldest sons of Dukes.
Daughters of Dukes.
Countesses.
Wives of younger sons of Royal Dukes.
Wives of eldest sons of Marquesses.
Daughters of Marquesses.
Wives of younger sons of Dukes.
Viscountesses.
Wives of eldest sons of Earls.
Daughters of Earls.
Wives of younger sons of Marquesses.
Baronesses.
Wives of eldest sons of Viscounts.
Daughters of Viscounts.
Wives of younger sons of Earls.
Wives of eldest sons of Barons.
Daughters of Barons.
Maids of Honour.
Wives of younger sons of Viscounts.
Wives of younger sons of Barons.
Daughters and sons' wives of Life Peers.
Wives of Baronets.
Daughters of Baronets.
Wives of eldest sons of Knights.
Daughters of Knights.
Wives of younger sons of Peers' younger sons.
Wives of younger sons of Baronets.
Wives of younger sons of Knights.
Wives of Esquires.
Wives of Gentlemen.
CHAPTER VI
THE COLLOQUIAL APPLICATION OF TITLES
The colloquial application of titles differs materially from the
application of titles when not used colloquially, and many persons are
in doubt as to whether they should or should not make use colloquially
of titles in full.
His Majesty the King should be addressed as "Sir" by all those who come
in social contact with him; and by all others as "Your Majesty."
Her Majesty Queen Mary should be addressed as "Ma'm" by all those who
come in social contact with her; and by all others as "Your Majesty."
Her Majesty Queen Alexandra should be addressed as "Ma'm" by all those
who come in social contact with her; and by all others as "Your
Majesty."
The Prince of Wales, the Duke of Connaught, and all princes of the blood
royal, should be addressed by the upper classes as "Sir."
The princesses of the blood royal, should be addressed as "Ma'm" by the
upper classes. The wives of the princes of the blood royal should also
be addressed as "Ma'm" by the upper classes.
All crowned heads visiting England should be addressed as "Sir" by those
socially known to them, and as "Your Majesty" by all others. The Royal
ladies, their wives, should be addressed as "Ma'm" by those personally
known to them, and as "Your Majesty" by all others.
A foreign prince bearing the title of Serene Highness should be
addressed as "Prince," and not as "Sir," by the aristocracy and gentry,
and as "Your Serene Highness" by all other classes.
A foreign princess, also bearing the title of serene highness, should be
styled "Princess" when addressed colloquially by the upper classes, but
not as "Ma'am"; and as "Your Serene Highness" by all other classes.
An English duke should be addressed as "Duke" by the aristocracy and
gentry, and not as "Your Grace" by members of either of these classes.
All other classes should address him colloquially as "Your Grace."
An English duchess should be addressed as "Duchess" by all persons
conversing with her belonging to the upper classes, and as "Your Grace"
by all other classes.
A marquess, colloquially, should be addressed as "Lord A."
A marchioness should be addressed as "Lady A." by the upper classes. It
would be a mistake to address an English marquess as "Marquess," or a
marchioness as "Marchioness," colloquially speaking. All other classes
should address them either as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship," "My Lady" or
"Your Ladyship."
An earl should be addressed as "Lord B." by the upper classes, and as
"My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes.
A countess should be addressed as "Lady B." by the upper classes, and as
"My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes.
A viscount should be addressed as "Lord C." by the upper classes, and as
"My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes.
A viscountess should be addressed as "Lady C." by the upper classes, and
as "My Lady" or "Your ladyship" by all other classes.
A baron should be addressed as "Lord D." by the upper classes, and as
"My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes.
A baroness should be addressed as "Lady D." by the upper classes, and as
"My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes.
In strictly official or business intercourse a marquess, an earl, a
viscount, a baron, and a younger son of a duke or marquis, should be
addressed as "My Lord."
The eldest son of a duke should be addressed as "Lord A." by the upper
classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes.
The wife of the eldest son of a duke should be addressed as "Lady A."
by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all
other classes.
The younger sons of a duke should be addressed as "Lord John E." or
"Lord Charles E." by the upper classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your
Lordship" by all other classes. Persons well acquainted with them would
address them colloquially by their title and christian name, as "Lord
John" or "Lord Charles." The same remark applies to their wives, who are
often colloquially addressed as "Lady Alfred" or "Lady Edward."
The wives of the younger sons of a duke should be addressed as "Lady
John E." or "Lady Charles E." by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or
"Your Ladyship" by all other classes.
The daughters of a duke should be addressed as "Lady Mary A." or "Lady
Elizabeth B." by the upper classes, and as "Lady Mary" and "Lady
Elizabeth" by those intimate with them, and as "My Lady" or "Your
Ladyship" by all other classes.
The eldest son of a marquess should be addressed as "Lord A." by the
upper classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes.
The wife of the eldest son of a marquis should be addressed as "Lady A."
by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other
classes.
The younger sons of a marquis should be addressed as "Lord Henry B."
and "Lord Frederick B." by the upper classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your
Lordship" by all other classes.
The wives of the younger sons of a marquis should be addressed as "Lady
Henry B." and "Lady Frederick B." by the upper classes, and as "My Lady"
or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes.
The daughters of a marquis should be addressed as "Lady Florence B." and
"Lady Sarah B." by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your
Ladyship" by all other classes.
The eldest son of an earl should be addressed as "Lord C." by the upper
classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes.
The wife of the eldest son of an earl should be addressed as "Lady C."
by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other
classes.
The daughters of an earl should be addressed as "Lady Blanche" and "Lady
Evelyn" by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all
other classes.
The younger sons of earls, and both eldest and younger sons of viscounts
and barons, only bear the courtesy title of honourable. The daughters of
viscounts and barons also bear the courtesy title of honourable. This
title should never be used colloquially, "The Hon. Cecil Blank," "The
Hon. Mrs. Cecil Blank," and "The Hon. Mary Blank," should be styled
"Mr., Mrs., and Miss Mary Blank."
Baronets should be addressed by their full title and surname, as Sir
John Blank, by the upper classes, and by their titles and christian
names only by all other classes.
Baronets' wives should be addressed as "Lady B." or "Lady C.," according
to the surnames of their husbands: thus, "Sir John Blank's" wife should
be addressed as "Lady Blank" by the upper classes, not as "Lady John
Blank"--to do so would be to give her the rank of the wife of the
younger son of a duke or marquis instead of that of a baronet's wife
only--and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes.
The wives of knights should be addressed as "Lady B." or "Lady C.,"
according to the surnames of their husbands: thus, "Sir John Blank's"
wife should be addressed as "Lady Blank" by the upper classes, and as
"My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes.
* * * * *
=In addressing Foreigners of Rank colloquially=, the received rule is to
address them by their individual titles and surnames.
A prince or princess should be addressed by their full title: thus,
"Prince Munich," or "Princess Munich," by the upper classes. Persons
intimate with them usually address them as "Prince" or "Princess," as
the case may be.
In the case of a prince being a younger son, and not the reigning head
of the house, his christian name is generally used after his title when
addressing him: thus, "Prince Louis," in lieu of "Prince" only. The same
remark applies to the unmarried daughters of princes. They also should
be addressed by their christian name, in addition to their title of
"Princess," by the aristocracy and gentry, and as "Your Serene" or "Your
Imperial Highness," according to their birth and title, by all other
classes.
A French duke should be addressed by his surname, with the addition of
monsieur: thus, "Monsieur de Rouen," by the upper classes, and as
"Monsieur le Duc" by all other classes.
A French duchess should be addressed by her surname, with the addition
of madame: thus, "Madame de Rouen" by the upper classes, and as "Madame
la Duchesse" by all other classes.
A marquis should be addressed by his surname, with the addition of
monsieur: thus, "Monsieur de Harfleur" by the upper classes, and as
"Monsieur le Marquis" by all other classes.
A marquise should be addressed by her surname, with the addition of
madame: thus, "Madame la Harfleur" by the upper classes, and as "Madame
la Marquise" by all other classes.
A comte should be addressed by his surname, with the addition of
monsieur: thus, "Monsieur de Montpellier" by the upper classes, and as
"Monsieur le Comte" by all other classes.
A comtesse should be addressed by her surname, with the addition of
madame: thus, "Madame de Montpellier" by the upper classes, and as
"Madame la Comtesse" by all other classes.
A vicomte should be addressed by his surname, with the addition of
monsieur: thus, "Monsieur de Toulouse" by the upper classes, and as
"Monsieur le Vicomte" by all other classes.
A vicomtesse should be addressed by her surname, with the addition of
madame; thus, "Madame de Toulouse" by the upper classes, and as "Madame
la Vicomtesse" by all other classes.
A baron should be addressed by his surname, with the addition of
monsieur: thus, "Monsieur d'Avignon" by the upper classes, and as
"Monsieur le Baron" by all other classes.
A baronne should be addressed by her surname, with the addition of
madame: thus, "Madame d'Avignon" by the upper classes, and as "Madame la
Baronne" by all other classes.
A young unmarried lady should be addressed as "Mademoiselle d'Avignon"
by the upper classes, and as "Mademoiselle" by all other classes.
In German titles the distinction of "Von" before the surname is seldom
used colloquially, the title and surname being used without the prefix
of "Von." Thus, "Count von Ausberg" should be addressed as "Count
Ausberg" in conversation, and not as "Monsieur le Comte."
Foreign ladies of rank should be addressed by their title and surname,
and not by their title only, and the prefix "Von" should be omitted; but
in the case of a French or Italian title the "de" or "de la" before the
surname should on no account be omitted.
When Englishmen are extremely intimate with foreigners of rank they
would, in conversation, probably address them by their surnames; but
only thorough intimacy and friendship warrants this familiarity.
* * * * *
=As regards addressing the Clergy=, an archbishop should be addressed
colloquially as "Archbishop" by the upper classes, and as "Your Grace"
by the clergy and all other classes.
A bishop should be addressed colloquially as "Bishop" by the upper
classes, and as "My Lord" by the clergy and all other classes.
A dean should be styled "Dean Blank" or "Dean," by the upper classes,
and as "Mr. Dean" by the clergy.
An archdeacon should be addressed as "Archdeacon Blank," and a canon as
"Canon Blank."
The wives of archbishops, bishops, and deans should be respectively
addressed as "Mrs. A.," "Mrs. B.," or "Mrs. C." They take no title from
the spiritual rank of their husbands.
* * * * *
=Officers in the Army= should be respectively addressed as "General A.,"
"Colonel B.," "Major C.," or "Captain D.," and not as "General,"
"Colonel," or "Major," except by their very intimate friends.
The wives of officers should be addressed as "Mrs. A.," "Mrs. B.," "Mrs.
C.," or "Mrs. D." They should never be addressed as "Mrs. General A.,"
"Mrs. Colonel B.," "Mrs. Major C.," or "Mrs. Captain D."
A lady should not address her husband colloquially by his surname only,
as "Jones," "Brown," or by whatever his surname might be, or speak of
him without the prefix of "Mr."
The usual rule is for a wife to speak of her husband as "Mr. Brown," or
"My husband," except to intimate friends, when the christian name only
is frequently used, and to address him by his christian name only.
A wife should not address her husband by the initial letter of his
surname, as "Mr. B." or "Mr. P."; neither should a husband address his
wife by the initial letter of his surname.
When intimate friends address each other by the initial letter of their
names it is by way of pleasantry only, and such cases, of course, do not
come within the rules of etiquette.
Peeresses frequently address their husbands, and speak of them, by the
name attached to their title, in place of using their christian or
family name. Thus, the "Earl of Blankshire" would be styled "Blankshire"
by his wife, without the prefix of "Lord," and his usual signature would
be "Blankshire," without the addition of any christian name.
Baronets' wives should not address their husbands by their surnames, but
by their christian names, and should speak of them as "Sir George" or
"Sir John."
The wives of knights also should not address their husbands by their
surnames, but by their christian names, and should speak of them as "Sir
George" or "Sir John."
The Lord Mayor should be addressed as "Lord Mayor," colloquially, and
the Lady Mayoress as "Lady Mayoress," unless the Lord Mayor during
office is created a baronet or receives the honour of knighthood, when
he should be addressed as "Sir John" or "Sir Henry," and his wife as
"Lady A."
CHAPTER VII
POINTS OF ETIQUETTE AS REGARDS ROYAL PERSONAGES
General society is now very frequently brought into contact with
royalty--members of the Royal Family of England and members of various
royal families of Europe.
With His Majesty this association is of frequent occurrence as regards
the general public, and persons possessing special interest are
constantly brought into communication with him.
Strict Court etiquette is greatly in abeyance, and laid aside by His
Majesty when paying visits to personal friends, or when receiving visits
from the same.
The geniality of the English princes and princesses is everywhere
acknowledged, and the restrictions of Court etiquette are frequently
relaxed by their desire when visiting at the houses of the nobility and
gentry.
The etiquette that reigns in foreign Courts--Austria, Russia, Greece,
etc.--is seldom waived, and is adhered to with much punctilio. So much
so is this the case with certain foreign princes who visit our shores,
that the observances they claim as due to their exalted position are
often felt to be a restraint upon the hosts whom they honour with their
company, in town or country, at dinner, ball, or country-house party.
On the other hand, many royal personages who occasionally visit England
are unbending and unceremonious towards society in general.
When royal personages visit London for a few weeks, whether located at
palace, embassy, or hotel, it is etiquette for any person who is
personally acquainted with or connected in any way with their Court or
cabinet, or who has been presented at their Court, to leave cards on
them and write their names in their visiting books. Persons still higher
in the social scale, give receptions in their honour, and invite them to
stay at their princely mansions.
When such visits are paid, the principal neighbours are usually invited
to meet the royal guests at dinner, ball, or reception, and on the
invitation card is written, "To meet H.R.H. the Crown Prince of ----,"
or "Her Serene Highness the Grand Duchess of ----," etc.; but a hostess
exercises her own discretion respecting the invitations she issues.
If a ball is in contemplation the county at large is invited to the
mansion, but if dinner invitations only are issued, then the circle is
necessarily restricted to a favoured few.
The neighbours who are not invited to a house where a royal guest is
staying should avoid calling on the hostess until the departure of the
royal visitors, even if calls are due.
The principal people of a county who happen to be present at an
entertainment, either dinner or dance, are usually presented to the
royal guests by the host or hostess, permission to do so having been
first solicited.
When the person to be presented is a person of rank or distinction, it
would only be necessary to say, "May I present Lord A., or General B.,
to you, Sir?" but if the person to be presented has no particular claim
to the honour beyond being popular in the county, the request should be
prefaced with a few words of explanation respecting the person to be
presented.
When the name or fame of those presented has reached the ears of the
royal guests, they usually shake hands on the presentation being made,
and enter into conversation with them; otherwise they merely bow, and
make one or two passing remarks.
A house-party is generally composed of those with whom a royal guest is
more or less acquainted. When the party includes any one who is a
stranger to the royal guests, he or she should be presented on the first
opportunity.
The members of the Royal Family have each, more or less, their
particular set, as have also the foreign princes who periodically visit
this country, and therefore house-parties are usually made up of those
moving in the set of the expected prince.
For the proper mode of addressing royal personages, see Chapter VI.
* * * * *
=As regards royal invitations=, all invitations from the Sovereign are
commands, and must be answered and obeyed as such, and the word
"command" must be made use of in answering such invitations. If any
reason exists for not obeying His Majesty's commands it should be
stated.
Invitations from members of the Royal Family are treated by courtesy as
commands, but in replying to such invitations the word "command" should
not be used. The answers to such invitations should be addressed to the
Comptroller of the Household, by whom they are usually issued.
Answers to royal invitations should be written in the third person, and
reasons given for non-acceptance.
A previous engagement cannot be pleaded as an excuse for refusing a
royal invitation; only personal indisposition or serious illness, or
death of near relatives, would be adequate reasons for not accepting a
royal invitation.
When a royal invitation is verbally given, the answer should be verbal
also.
At all entertainments at which royal guests are present they should be
received by the host and hostess in the entrance-hall. In the case of
serene highnesses they should be received by the host and conducted by
him to the hostess; this rule equally applies to the reception of
eastern princes.
The etiquette to be observed on the departure of royal personages is
identical with that observed on their arrival.
With regard to inviting members of the Royal Family to assist at the
opening of any public undertaking, the request should be made through
the Comptroller of the Household of the prince who is to be invited, or
through his secretary, and the same rule equally applies to both prince
and princess.
* * * * *
=Indian Princes.=--The exact status of Indian princes has never been
actually laid down, but all who are "Highnesses" are given precedence at
the English Court and in society after the Royal Family and foreign
princes. In the procession at Court entertainments they go in front of
ambassadors.
No Indian prince is considered to be of blood royal, and they do not
stand in the line at levees and Courts, but all have the private
_Entree_.
CHAPTER VIII
POINTS OF ETIQUETTE WHEN TRAVELLING ABROAD, AND PRESENTATIONS AT FOREIGN
COURTS
The acquaintanceship of foreign residents is of considerable service to
English people purposing to winter abroad, or to remain for any length
of time in a continental city, as by its means they obtain an entrance
into foreign society. An introduction to the English Ambassador or
Minister at a foreign Court is of still greater service in this matter.
People of recognised position in society have the privilege of leaving
cards at the English Embassy at any foreign city in which they intend
making a temporary stay.
So thoroughly is the position of English travellers known to the English
Ministry at a foreign Court, that should a person, who is not received
in English society, leave cards at the English Embassy, they would be at
once returned as an intimation that the acquaintance is declined.
It is erroneous to suppose that by leaving cards upon foreigners of
distinction, an acquaintanceship can be commenced, for unless
introductions have been formally made, leaving cards is a useless
proceeding.
At far-away spots little frequented by the general run of travellers,
and where there are but few, if any, resident English, travellers
requiring advice or assistance from the English consul, can, without an
introduction, call upon him, nationality being the ground upon which to
do this, and if of equal social standing, they would be received with
social consideration; if otherwise, all assistance would be given to
them from an official point of view. Many people when travelling abroad
make pleasant acquaintances even without the help of introductions, the
occasion of a meeting being as it were a semi-introduction in itself.
Such casual acquaintanceships are, however, attended with certain risks,
especially to persons who have been absent from England some little
time, or who when in England have entered comparatively but little in
society, and who are thus apt to drift unawares into close friendships
with people perhaps well bred and agreeable, although tabooed at home
for some good and sufficient reason. _Contretemps_ such as these are
painful to kind-hearted people when subsequently compelled to avoid and
to relinquish the acquaintance of those with whom they have become
pleasantly intimate. An introduction to an English resident in either
town or city obviates any unpleasantness of this nature, as one so
situated is generally kept _au courant_ with all that takes place in
society at home.
* * * * *
=When persons desire to enter into society abroad= they endeavour to
obtain letters of introduction from friends and acquaintances to
residents in the cities they purpose visiting.
Unless English travellers have been duly presented at the Court of St.
James's, they cannot obtain presentations at foreign Courts through the
English Embassies.
When a lady desires a presentation at a foreign Court, she should write
to the English Ambassadress and request the honour of a presentation,
and should state the date of her presentation and the name of the lady
by whom she was presented. After her statement has been duly verified
the request is granted. In a like manner when a gentleman desires a
presentation at a foreign Court, he should write to the Ambassador and
request the honour of a presentation, and should state the date of the
Levee at which he was presented, and the name of the person by whom the
presentation was made.
Presentations at foreign Courts take place in the evening, and the
persons to be presented, and those who attend, assemble previous to the
entrance of the royal personages: the rule is for the grand _maitresse_
to present each lady in turn to her royal mistress, who makes the tour
of the apartment for this purpose, and addresses some courteous
observation to each.
CHAPTER IX
THE RECEIVED MODE OF PRONOUNCING CERTAIN SURNAMES
There are, perhaps, two reasons why various surnames are so frequently
mispronounced, the one being unfamiliarity with the freak of fashion
which governs the pronunciation of certain well-known names, the other
ignorance, or want of education.
When sensitive persons hear a name pronounced differently from the way
in which they have themselves but just pronounced it, and in a tone and
manner strongly suggestive of correction, it is wounding to their _amour
propre_.
As a rule, when persons are in doubt as to the correct pronunciation of
any particular name, it would be best to avoid mentioning it, if
possible, until their doubts are set at rest by some one better informed
than themselves.
Names that have a fashionable or peculiar pronunciation, or are
pronounced otherwise than as they are spelt, are but few, and names
which it is possible wrongly to accent are also not very numerous; but
it is surprising how often these names occur in the course of
conversation.
The names of distinguished artists that are open to mispronunciation
occur far oftener in conversation than do the general run of uncommon
surnames.
There are many celebrated hunts and hunting quarters of which the names
are open to considerable mispronunciation.
With regard to placing the accent on the wrong syllable in the
pronunciation of names, it requires but little thought to avoid making
this mistake, a popular error being that of placing the accent upon the
last syllable of a name; whereas, in a name of two syllables, the accent
should invariably be placed upon the first, and the second syllable
should be as it were slightly abbreviated or slightly altered.
In names of three syllables the error usually consists in placing the
accent upon the last syllable, whereas the accent should be placed upon
the second syllable. There are occasional exceptions to this rule, and
the few names given in this chapter, both as regards their pronunciation
and accentuation, will serve as a useful guide in the pronunciation of
uncommon names.
|SPELT. |PRONOUNCED. |REMARKS. |
|---------------------|------------------|----------------------------|
|Abergavenny. |Abergen'ny. |_Av_ not sounded. |
|Arbuthnot. |Arbuth'not. | |
|Arundel. |Arrandel. | |
| | | |
|Beaconsfield. |Beckonsfield. | |
|Beauchamp. |Bea'cham. | |
|Beauclerk or } |Bo'clair. |Accent on first syllable. |
|Beauclerc. } | | |
|Belvoir. |Be'ver. | |
|Berkely. |Bark'ley. | |
|Bethune. |Bee'ton. | |
|Bicester. |Bis'ter. |Accent on first syllable. |
|Blount. |Blunt. | |
|Blyth. |Bly. |_Th_ not sounded. |
|Bourke. |Burk. | |
|Bourne. |Burn. | |
|Bowles. |Boles. | |
|Breadalbane. |Breaddal'bane. |Accent on second syllable. |
|Brougham. |Broum. | |
|Buchan. |Buck'an. |Accent on first syllable. |
|Burdett. |Burdett'. |Accent on last syllable. |
|Burnett. |Burnett'. |Accent on last syllable. |
|Bury. |Berry. | |
| | | |
|Calderon. |Cal'dron not | |
| | Cauldron. | |
|Charteris. |Charters. | |
|Cholmeley. |Chum'ley. | |
|Cholmondeley. | " | |
|Cirencester. |Cis'ester. |Accent on first syllable. |
|Clanricarde. |Clanrecarde. |Accent on second syllable. |
|Cockburn. |C[=o]burn. |_Ck_ not sounded. |
|Colquhoun. |Kohoon'. |Accent on last syllable. |
|Conynham. |Cunyingham. | |
|Coutts. |Koots. | |
|Cowper. |Cooper. | |
| | | |
|Dalziel. |Dee'al. |Accent on first syllable. |
|Derby. |Darby. | |
|Des Vaux. |Deveu. |The _x_ not sounded. |
|Devereux. |Devereu. |The _x_ not sounded. |
|Dillwyn. |Dil'lun. |The _wy_ takes the sound |
| | | of _u_; the accent on |
| | | first syllable. |
|Duchesne. |Dukarn. | |
|Du Plat. |Du Plar. | |
| | | |
|Elgin. | |The _g_ hard as in give. |
|Eyre. |Air. | |
| | | |
|Fildes. |Filedes. |Not Filldes. |
|Fortescue. |Fort'iskew. | |
| | | |
|Geoffrey. |Jefrey. | |
|Geoghegan. |Gaygan. | |
|Gifford. |Jifford. |The _g_ soft as in George. |
|Gillett. | |_G_ hard as in Gilbert. |
|Gillott. | |_G_ hard. |
|Glamis. |Glarms. | |
|Gorges. |Gor'jes. |First _g_ hard and second |
| | | _g_ soft. |
|Gough. |Goff. | |
|Gower. |Gor. |But Gower as regards the |
| | | street of that name with |
| | | the general public. |
| | | |
|Harcourt. |Har'kut. |Accent on first syllable. |
|Heathcote. |Heth'kut. | |
|Hertford. |Har'ford. | |
|Home. |Hume. | |
|Hughes. |Hews. | |
| | | |
|Jervis. |Jarvis. | |
|Johnstone. | |The _t_ not sounded. |
| | | |
|Kennaird. |Kennaird'. |Accent on last syllable. |
|Kennard. |Kennard'. |Accent on last syllable. |
|Ker. |Kar. | |
|Knollys. |Knowls. | |
| | | |
|Layard. |Laird. | |
|Leconfield. |Lek'onfield. | |
|Lefevre. |Lefavre. | |
|Leigh. |Lee. | |
|Lyvedon. |Livden. | |
| | | |
|Macnamara. |Macnemar'ar. |Accent on third syllable. |
|Mainwaring. |Man'nering. | |
|Marjoribanks. |Marshbanks. | |
|McIntosh. |Makintosh. | |
|McLeod. |McCloud. | |
|Menzies. |Myng'es. |Accent on first syllable. |
|Meux. |Mews. |The _x_ sounded as _s_. |
|Millais. |Mil'lay. |Accent on first syllable. |
|Milnes. |Mills. | |
|Molyneux. | |The _x_ sounded with slight |
| | | accent on last syllable. |
|Monck. |Munk. | |
|Monckton. |Munk'ton. |Accent on first syllable. |
|Monson. |Munson. | |
|Montgomerie or} |Mungum'ery. |Accent on second syllable. |
|Montgomery. } | | |
|Mowbray. |Mobrey. | |
| | | |
|Nigel. |Ni'jel. | |
| | | |
|Ouless. |Ooless. | |
| | | |
|Parnell. |Parnell'. |Accent on last syllable. |
|Pepys. |Pep'is. |Accent on first syllable. |
|Pierrepont. |Pierpont. | |
|Ponsonby. |Punsonby. | |
|Pontefract. |Pomfret. | |
|Pugh. |Pew. | |
|Pytchley. |P[=y]tch'ley. |Not Pitchley. |
| | | |
|Ruthven. |Riv'en. | |
| | | |
|Sandys. |Sands. | |
|St. Clair. |Sinclair. | |
|St. Maur. |See'mor, or | |
| |S'nt Maur. | |
|St. John. |Sinjin. |As regards christian and |
| | | surname, but as St. John |
| | | when applied to church |
| | | or locality. |
|Seymour. |Sey'mer. |Accent on first syllable. |
|Strachan. |Strawn. | |
| | | |
|Tadema. |Tad'ymar. |Accent on first syllable. |
|Tollemache. |Tollmash. | |
|Trafalgar. |Trafalgar'. |Accent on last syllable; as |
| | | regards the peer of that |
| | | name, not otherwise. |
|Tredegar. |Trede'gar. |Accent on second syllable. |
|Tremayne. |Tremayne'. |Accent on last syllable. |
|Tyrwhitt. |Tirritt. | |
| | | |
|Vaughan. |Vorn. | |
|Vaux. | |The _x_ sounded. |
|Villbois. |Vealbwor. | |
|Villiers. |Vil'lers. | |
| | | |
|Waldegrave. |Wal'grave. |The _de_ not sounded. |
|Wemyss. |Weems. | |
|Willoughby D'Eresby. |Willowby D'Ersby. | |
CHAPTER X
PRESENTATIONS AT COURTS AND ATTENDING COURTS
Courts are now held in lieu of Drawing-rooms by Their Majesties the King
and Queen at Buckingham Palace, and at which Presentations to Their
Majesties are made.
These Courts are held in the evenings at ten o'clock, but the hour at
which the company should commence to arrive is intimated by the Lord
Chamberlain in the notice issued of the Courts to be held.
Two Courts are usually, but not invariably, held before Easter, and two
more after Easter.
Ladies who have been presented at Drawing-rooms and Courts, held during
the last two reigns, do not require to be again presented to Their
Majesties the King and Queen; thus, ladies who have already been
presented at these Drawing-rooms, and who are desirous of being invited
to one or other of these Courts, and who are also desirous of making
presentations, should send in their names and the names of those to be
presented by them to the Lord Chamberlain, St. James's Palace, S.W., on
the 1st of January in each year, but not before that date.
Ladies are also privileged to mention at the same time when it will be
most convenient to them to pay their respects to Their Majesties. If it
should not be convenient for a lady to attend or be presented at the
particular Court to which she is invited, it will be open to her to make
her excuses to the Lord Chamberlain in writing, when her name can, if
desired, and if possible, be transferred to another list.
A lady who makes a presentation to Their Majesties, must be personally
acquainted with and responsible for the lady she presents. She must
herself attend the Court, and cannot present more than one lady in
addition to her daughter or daughter-in-law. The numbers received at
each Court being necessarily limited, ladies can only receive occasional
invitations. Therefore, those who cannot be included in the year's list
of invitations will receive an intimation to this effect from the Lord
Chamberlain in answer to their applications to attend.
* * * * *
=The Persons entitled to be presented at Their Majesties' Courts= are
the wives and daughters of the members of the aristocracy, the wives and
daughters of those holding high official appointments in the Government,
the wives and daughters of Members of Parliament, the county gentry and
town gentry, the wives and daughters of the members of the legal,
military, naval, clerical, medical, and other professions, the wives and
daughters of merchants, bankers, and members of the Stock Exchange, and
persons engaged in commerce on a large scale.
Although the word "gentry" is thus elastic, and although persons coming
within the category might be fairly entitled to the privilege of
attending Courts, yet it is well understood that birth, wealth,
associations, and position give a _raison d'etre_ for such privilege;
as, for instance, the wife and daughters of an officer in the navy or a
line regiment, whose means are slender, and whose position is obscure,
would not be justified for these reasons in attending a Court, although
the officer himself might attend a levee if desirous of doing so; and
this remark equally applies to the wives and daughters of clergymen,
barristers, and others similarly situated.
* * * * *
=Presentations to Their Majesties= are made officially by the various
foreign ambassadresses, by the wives of the members of the Cabinet, and
by the wives of other official personages in various departments of the
State, either civil, military, naval, or clerical.
Presentations at each of Their Majesties' Courts are now limited by
royal command.
Presentations to Their Majesties should be made either by a relative or
a friend of the lady presented who has herself been previously
presented.
A lady has the privilege of presenting one lady only at a Court in
addition to her daughter or daughter-in-law.
This restriction does not apply to ladies who, from official position or
other circumstances, are specially privileged to make presentations to
Their Majesties.
When a presentation is not made officially or by a near relative it is
considered a favour on the part of the person making the presentation
towards the person presented.
The responsibility of a presentation rests upon the person who makes it,
both as to the social and moral fitness of the person presented;
therefore, to solicit the favour of a presentation from a friend is to
incur a considerable obligation, and it is a favour ladies have no
hesitation in refusing unless good reasons exist for granting it.
When presentations are made through official channels the responsibility
rests upon the "office" rather than upon the person making the
presentation; hence presentations so made have little personal
significance to the person making them.
* * * * *
=A Lady having been presented on her Marriage= has the privilege of
attending, by invitation, any subsequent Court, but ladies who have no
official position will only be allowed to attend a Court by summons
every third year. On the accession of her husband to any title, she
would again have to be presented, and should she marry a second time
another presentation would be necessary to entitle her to attend one of
Their Majesties' Courts.
* * * * *
=It is the Privilege of the Married Lady to make Presentations=, but
should any person be presented whose antecedents or present position
renders her socially unqualified to be presented, the Lord Chamberlain,
on becoming aware of the fact, would at once cancel the presentation,
and officially announce it in the _Gazette_, and the person making such
presentation would be expected to tender an apology for so doing.
* * * * *
=An Unmarried Lady does not possess the Privilege= of making a
presentation, however high her rank may be. She is not permitted to
attend any subsequent Courts after first presentation until three years
have elapsed; save under exceptional circumstances.
Four Courts are held during each year at Buckingham Palace, two before
and two after Easter, but due intimation is given previous to each Court
being held by the Lord Chamberlain through the medium of the official
_Gazette_, from whence it is copied into the newspapers.
The wives of members of the Cabinet and of the ambassadors or ministers
at the Court of St. James's usually attend at each Court, and have the
privilege of doing so by reason of the official presentations made by
them at each Court.
* * * * *
=It is compulsory for a Lady= making a presentation to be herself
present at the Court at which the presentation is to be made, though it
is not necessary for her to accompany the person whom she presents, but
simply to attend the same Court.
* * * * *
=When a Lady intends making a Presentation= she should, on or after the
1st of January write to the Lord Chamberlain and inform him of a wish
to attend a Court, and forward the name of the lady to be presented by
her.
* * * * *
=Ladies are not expected= to attend Court more than once in every three
years, unless under exceptional circumstances.
* * * * *
=A Lady attending a Court= may present one lady in addition to her
daughter or daughter-in-law.
* * * * *
=A Lady presented for the First Time= can only present her daughter or
daughter-in-law at the Court at which she is presented.
* * * * *
=No Applications can be received= from ladies who wish to be presented.
Their names must be forwarded by the ladies who wish to make the
presentations.
* * * * *
=Summonses are issued= about three weeks before the date of each Court.
Ladies may be accompanied to Court by their husbands if the latter have
been presented, but gentlemen do not pass before the King and Queen.
Ladies are requested to forward the names of their husbands at the same
time as their own, in order that they may be submitted together, as once
the summons has been issued the amending of a summons card in order to
include a lady's husband can only be permitted under the most
exceptional circumstances.
* * * * *
=Those who have the Privilege of the Entree= enter at the gate of the
Palace situated outside Buckingham Gate. Those who possess this
privilege are the diplomatic circle, the Cabinet ministers and their
wives, and the members of the Household. The rooms, two in number, next
to the Presence Chamber, are appropriated to them. All who have the
privilege of the _entree_ are received by Their Majesties before the
general circle, and according to their individual precedency, and they
have also the privilege of making the first presentations.
* * * * *
=When a Lady arrives at the Palace= she should leave her wraps in the
cloak-room with one of the maids in attendance. After crossing the Great
Hall, she then makes her way up the Grand Staircase to the Corridor,
where she shows her invitation-card to the page-in-waiting, and then
passes on to one of the saloons.
When a lady arrives early she gains admission to the saloon next to
those reserved for the _entree_. When she arrives late she has to take
her place in a further room of the suite according to the number of
persons present.
The gentlemen-at-arms stationed at the door of each room close the gilt
barriers when they consider the saloons are full. Chairs and benches are
placed in the corridor and in these saloons for the accommodation of
ladies thus waiting their turn to enter the Throne-room or Presence
Chamber.
As the ladies quit each room for the Presence Chamber, others take their
places, and the barriers are again closed, and this is continued until
every one has been received.
A lady has to pass through the two _entree_ saloons before reaching the
Picture Gallery.
At the door of the Picture Gallery a lady's train, which she has
hitherto carried on her arm, is let down by two officials in attendance,
and spread out by them with their wands; she should cross the gallery
with her train down to the Presence Chamber, at the door of which she
should give the card of invitation she has brought with her to the
official stationed there to receive it.
* * * * *
=A Lady on being presented=, curtsys to the King and curtsys to the
Queen. The King bows in return, as does also the Queen. A lady presented
does not kiss the Queen's hand, as she formerly did. The King does not
shake hands with any present, however high their rank may be, neither
does the Queen shake hands with any present.
A lady on being presented does not now curtsy to any member of the
Royal Family when she has passed Their Majesties, and leaves the
Presence Chamber, stepping backwards, facing the royal party, until
making her exit from the apartment, when an official places her train on
her arm at the threshold of the doorway.
* * * * *
=When a Lady wishes to attend a Court=, after having been duly
presented, it is necessary to inform the Lord Chamberlain of her wish to
attend. Summonses are issued about three weeks before the date of each
Court.
Having received a summons to attend a Court she should take the summons
card with her, which she should show to the page-in-waiting in the
corridor, and eventually hand it to the official stationed at the door
of the Presence Chamber, by whom it is passed on to the Lord
Chamberlain, who announces the name to Their Majesties.
A lady attending a Court curtsys to the King; she also curtsys to the
Queen, but does not curtsy to any other member of the Royal Family
present.
* * * * *
=In the General Circle there is no Precedency= as to the order in which
ladies attending a Court enter the Presence Chamber. The earliest
arrivals are the first to appear before Their Majesties, without
reference to rank or position; and the same rule applies to ladies who
are presented, or to ladies who make presentations.
* * * * *
=A Married Lady presented at a Court= can, at the same Court, present
her daughter or daughter-in-law; but in this case the one presented by
her should enter the Presence Chamber after her, and not before her.
Although, according to present regulations, the unmarried daughters of
members of the nobility and gentry who have already been presented are
only expected to attend a Court once in every three years, it will not
prevent their being invited to Court functions, to the State balls,
concerts, and garden parties.
* * * * *
=Ladies who have been presented at a Court= have the privilege of
writing their names in Their Majesties' visiting book at Buckingham
Palace once during the season. The hours of calling for this purpose are
generally from three to five o'clock in the afternoon.
* * * * *
=It is Imperative for Ladies to wear Full Court Dress= when attending or
being presented at a Court, viz. low bodice, short sleeves, and train to
dress not less than three yards in length from the shoulders.
Whether the train is cut round or square is a matter of inclination or
fashion. The width at the end should be 54 inches.
It is also imperative that a presentation-dress should be white, if the
person presented be an unmarried lady; and it is also the fashion for
married ladies to wear white on their presentation, unless their age
renders their doing so unsuitable.
The white dresses worn by either _debutantes_ or married ladies may be
trimmed with either coloured or white flowers, according to individual
taste.
* * * * *
=High Court Dress.=--The Queen has been pleased to permit that a high
Court dress of silk, satin, or velvet, may be worn at Their Majesties'
Courts, and on other State occasions, by ladies, to whom, from illness,
infirmity, or advancing age, the present low Court dress is
inappropriate, viz.: Bodices in front, cut square, or heart-shaped,
which may be filled in with white only, either transparent or lined; at
the back, high, or cut down three-quarters height. Sleeves to elbow,
either thick or transparent.
Trains, gloves, and feathers as usual.
It is necessary for ladies who wish to appear in "High Court Dress" to
obtain Royal permission, through the Lord Chamberlain.
This regulation does not apply to ladies who have already received
permission to wear high dress.
* * * * *
=White gloves only should be worn=, excepting in case of mourning, when
black or grey gloves are admissible.
As a lady on presentation does not now kiss the Queen's hand as formerly
she did, she is not required to remove the right-hand glove before
entering the Presence Chamber. This order, therefore, is no longer in
force, and a lady wearing elbow gloves and bracelets will find it a
great convenience not to be obliged to take off her glove.
* * * * *
=It is compulsory for both Married and Unmarried Ladies to Wear
Plumes.=--The married lady's Court plume consists of three white
feathers.
An unmarried lady's of two white feathers.
* * * * *
=The three white feathers= should be mounted as a Prince of Wales'
plume, and worn towards the left-hand side of the head.
* * * * *
=Coloured feathers= may not be worn.
* * * * *
=In deep mourning= white feathers must be worn, black feathers are
inadmissible.
* * * * *
=White veils or lace lappets= must be worn with the feathers. The veils
should not be longer than 45 inches.
* * * * *
=Bouquets are not included= in the dress regulations issued by the Lord
Chamberlain, although they are invariably carried by both married and
unmarried ladies. It is thus optional to carry a bouquet or not, and
some elderly ladies carry much smaller bouquets than do younger ladies.
A fan and a lace pocket-handkerchief are also carried by a lady on
presentation or on attending a Court, but these two items are also
altogether optional.
CHAPTER XI
PRESENTATIONS AT LEVEES AND ATTENDING LEVEES
=Levees are held by the King= in person. Those who have been presented
at levees held by His late Majesty, King Edward, do not require to be
again presented to His Majesty King George.
* * * * *
=Four or more Levees are usually held every year= by the King at St.
James's Palace.
Gentlemen are officially presented by the heads of any department or
profession to which they individually belong, whether civil or military,
naval or clerical; it is more usual for a gentleman to be presented by
the head of his department, or by the colonel of his regiment, than by
his nearest relative.
* * * * *
=Presentations are also made by Relatives= and friends of those
presented; but these are greatly in the minority at all levees.
* * * * *
=Gentlemen must be again presented= at every step in their career,
whether civil, military, naval, or clerical--on civil appointments, on
gaining steps of naval, military, legal, or clerical rank, and on
accession to title, whether inherited or conferred.
* * * * *
=Those entitled to be presented at His Majesty's Levees= are the members
of the aristocracy and gentry, the members of the diplomatic corps, the
Cabinet, and all leading Government officials, Members of Parliament,
leading members of the legal profession, the naval and military
professions, the leading members of the clerical profession, the leading
members of the medical and artistic professions, the leading bankers,
merchants, and members of the Stock Exchange, and persons engaged in
commerce on a large scale. An exception to the rule as regards retail
trade is made in favour of any person receiving Knighthood, or when
holding the office of Mayor, or being made a Justice of the Peace, or on
receiving a Commission in the Territorial forces.
The dates on which levees are to be held are duly announced in the
_Gazette_, and in the daily newspapers.
At all future levees cards of admission will be required, as the numbers
at each of these ceremonies must be limited.
The Lord Chamberlain has issued the following revised list of rules,
which are to be observed at attendances and presentations in future--
All officers, whether on the active or retired lists, of the Royal Navy
and the Royal Marines, of whatever rank, should communicate with and
obtain their cards from the private secretary to the First Lord of the
Admiralty. All civil officers of the Admiralty should follow the same
rule.
All officers, whether on the active or retired lists, of the Army,
Regulars or Territorials, of whatever rank, except those on the Indian
and Colonial Establishments, should communicate with and obtain their
cards from the Adjutant-General at the War Office, stating clearly at
which levee they desire to be present, and whether they wish to attend
or to be presented; if the latter, stating by whom and on what occasion.
Deputy-lieutenants of counties should also communicate and obtain their
cards from the War Office.
Officers of the Household Cavalry and Foot Guards on the active list
should make application to the Lord Chamberlain at St. James's Palace
for cards of admission and presentation. All retired Officers of the
Household Cavalry and Brigade of Guards should apply to the War Office.
All officers of the Indian Civil Service and of the Indian Army, of
whatever rank, whether on the active or retired lists, should
communicate with, and obtain their cards from the private secretary to
the Secretary of State at the India Office, Whitehall.
All officers of the Colonial service and Colonial forces, of whatever
rank, whether on the active or retired lists, should communicate with
and obtain their cards from the Colonial Office, Whitehall.
Similarly, all gentlemen connected with the Foreign Office, the Home
Office, officials connected with the Houses of Parliament, or any
Government department, should communicate with and obtain their cards
for attendance or presentation at levees from the department under which
they serve.
Judges, law officers, King's Counsel, and all legal officials holding
appointments under the Crown are requested to make their applications
through the secretary to the Lord Chancellor.
Peers, bishops, Lords-Lieutenants of Counties, Members of Parliament,
clergy of all denominations, and all gentlemen, other than the
above-mentioned, should communicate with the Lord Chamberlain at St.
James's Palace, when they will each be furnished with a card of
admission for use at the levee.
The names both for attendance and presentation must be received at the
various offices above indicated not later than eight days prior to the
date of each levee, but in the case of officers, who make application to
the War Office, fourteen days before the date of each levee.
* * * * *
=When a Gentleman makes a Presentation= it is compulsory for him to
attend the same levee as the person whom he presents, and the card of
presentation is sent to him to be forwarded to the person to be
presented.
* * * * *
=A Gentleman on being presented= should bow to the King, and His Majesty
will bow to him in return. Gentlemen attending a levee should also bow
to His Majesty.
* * * * *
=Gentlemen who have been presented= at a levee have the privilege of
writing their names in His Majesty's visiting book at Buckingham Palace
once during the season. The hours of calling for this purpose are
generally from three to five o'clock in the afternoon.
* * * * *
=The Dress to be worn at Courts, State Functions and Levees.=--Full
dress uniform is invariably worn by all gentlemen entitled to wear it.
All officers of Scottish kilted corps should wear the kilt irrespective
of their being mounted officers or not. Gentlemen who do not wear
uniform may wear either velvet Court dress, new style; velvet Court
dress, old style; cloth Court dress.
The new style velvet Court dress is of black silk velvet. The body of
the coat lined with white silk and the skirt with black silk. Steel
buttons. Waistcoat of white satin or black silk velvet. Breeches of
black silk velvet, black silk hose, patent leather shoes, steel buckled;
white bow necktie, white gloves, sword, black beaver or silk cocked hat.
The velvet Court dress, old style, is very similar to the foregoing,
with the addition of a black silk wig-bag at the back of the neck, and
lace frills and ruffles. The cloth Court dress consists of a coat of
dark mulberry, claret, or green cloth with black silk linings, gold
embroidery on collar, cuffs, and pocket flaps, gilt buttons with
Imperial Crown; waistcoat of white corded silk or white Marcella;
breeches of cloth, colour of coat; black silk hose, patent leather
shoes, sword, white bow necktie, white gloves, black beaver or silk
cocked hat.
Levee dress is identical with the foregoing except that trousers--with a
row of narrow gold lace down the side seams--are worn, and not
breeches. Military patent leather boots.
* * * * *
=Archbishops and Bishops= at Levees and Courts wear Convocation robes,
viz. scarlet cloth chimere, without hood; purple cassock and sash, lawn
rochet with sleeves, white cambric bands, black silk scarf, black
breeches, silver knee buckles, black silk stockings, shoes with silver
buckles; purple or black velvet square soft cap to be carried. At
Evening State Functions and Full Dress Dinners they wear a purple cloth
Court coat over a short cassock or apron, sash of purple silk, black
breeches, black silk stockings, shoes with silver buckles; black corded
silk three-cornered hat to be carried.
* * * * *
=Deans and Archdeacons= at Evening State Functions wear the same dress
as bishops except that the coat and short cassock are black. Doctors of
Divinity at Levees and Courts wear the scarlet cloth robe of their
University, without hood.
* * * * *
=Clergy if not Doctors of Divinity= at Levees and Courts wear full
canonicals, that is, a black silk Geneva gown, double-breasted; black
silk long cassock and sash, scarf and white lawn bands, black breeches,
silver knee buckles, black silk stockings, shoes with silver buckles,
black corded silk three-cornered hat. At Full Dress Dinners and Evening
State Parties when canonicals are not worn, they wear a black cloth
Court coat, cassock, waistcoat of black corded silk, black breeches,
black silk stockings, shoes, silver buckles; black corded silk
three-cornered hat to be carried. White gloves are worn at all Court
functions. The academical habit should not be worn at Court except when
addresses are presented from the Universities.
When the Court is in mourning, gentlemen attending a levee are expected
to wear a band of black crape on the left arm above the elbow.
CHAPTER XII
BALLS AND STATE BALLS
=Balls= are given in town and country by society at large, and these
invitation balls include Hunt Balls, Military and Naval Balls, Yeomanry
and Territorial Balls, Bachelors' Balls, etc.
* * * * *
=Public Balls= are those balls for which tickets of admission can be
purchased, although for many of these balls it is necessary to obtain
vouchers from the committees or patronesses, when held in town or at
watering-places.
Public balls include County Balls, Charity Balls, and Subscription
Balls, etc.
* * * * *
=In Town, Ball-giving= is in a way a science, and an amusement upon
which large sums of money are frequently expended.
* * * * *
=A Crowded Ball= is not always pronounced a good ball by the guests,
often the contrary, but then, again, what is termed a thin ball is open
to the accusation of not going off well, and falling rather flat; of not
being kept up with spirit, and of being considered a stupid ball, and so
on.
To hit upon a happy medium with regard to the number of guests is an
achievement in ball-giving which is only arrived at by a careful study
of the map of the county, and a judicious selection of night. This
selection is of paramount importance to the success of a ball, as when a
smarter ball is given at a smarter house on the particular evening
chosen by the giver of a less brilliant ball, the grander ball
extinguishes the lesser ball, through the most fashionable people merely
looking in at the one, and remaining the rest of the evening at the
other. This putting out as it were of the lesser light, occurs very
frequently during the London season to ball-givers moving in the same
sets. The guests who have been expected to add lustre to the lesser
balls appear but for a few minutes, and usually arrive rather early,
uncomplimentarily early, at perhaps a little before eleven, and remain
hardly half an hour in the rooms, making their way to another ball of
the same calibre, and remaining there perhaps another twenty minutes,
before arriving at the goal, viz. _the_ ball of the evening. Both ladies
and gentlemen follow this practice, thus, at a little after twelve, an
average ball-giver finds her rooms deserted by all but those who have
nowhere else to go. Although the flitting of the guests thus early is a
disappointment to the hostess, and although it does not prevent the
fleeting ball-givers from making suitable returns by placing the family
on their ball lists, it yet greatly mars the enjoyment of the ball, and
prevents its being looked back upon with anything approaching to
pleasure or satisfaction, the departure of the most eligible partners
being not the least of the vexations of the night.
These _contretemps_ are sometimes unavoidable; but, when practicable, it
is always best to postpone a ball rather than to allow it to clash with
a ball of greater pretensions.
An impromptu dance is often a great success, while an impromptu ball is
almost as certain to prove a great failure.
* * * * *
=The Difference between a Dance and a Ball= consists in the number of
the invitations issued, in the strength of the band, and the extent of
the supper arrangements.
At a dance the number of the guests varies from eighty to two hundred;
at a ball they vary from two hundred to five hundred.
At a dance a piano band is frequently engaged, while at a ball a full
band is requisite. At a ball the floral decorations are a great feature,
at a small dance they are often dispensed with. Ladies new to society as
it were, or whose circle of acquaintance is of a limited character, and
who do not number in that circle many ball-givers, and who yet desire to
form a ball acquaintance, frequently place their ball in the hands of
some intimate friend of higher standing than themselves, giving her
_carte blanche_ to form a ball list. When this plan is followed,
invitations are still sent out by the ball-giver; in every case the name
and compliments of the lady who forms the list are sent with the card.
This plan, although of advantage to the hostess, is often productive of
much unpleasantness to her unfashionable friends, who are naturally very
much affronted at being excluded from the ball list, which they usually
are, as a lady who undertakes to form a ball list for a friend is not a
little arbitrary as to the conditions under which she assumes its
management. She naturally wishes the ball to be confined to her own set,
to the exclusion of what she terms all outsiders.
Ladies are always more or less reluctant to yield up their ball to the
exclusion of their old friends, however anxious they may be to make new
ones. But when a ball is thus given it is thoroughly understood that
conditions, however stringent, must be complied with.
* * * * *
=A Hostess should receive her Guests= at the head of the staircase at a
ball given in town, and at the door of the ball-room at a country house
ball. She should shake hands with each guest in the order of their
arrival.
The ladies of a party should advance towards the hostess, followed by
the gentlemen of their party.
A lady and gentleman should not ascend the staircase arm-in-arm, or make
their entrance into the ball-room arm-in-arm. The gentlemen invariably
enter the ball-room after the ladies of their party, and never before
them, or arm-in-arm with them. A ball is usually opened either by the
hostess herself, or by one of her daughters.
* * * * *
=Opening a Fancy Dress Ball= simply signifies dancing in the first
quadrille. Opening a dance means dancing the first valse.
When a member of the Royal Family, or a foreign prince, is expected,
dancing should not commence until the arrival of the royal guest; and
when the royal guest is a lady, the host should open the ball with her,
having his wife or daughter as _vis-a-vis_. When the royal guest is a
prince, the hostess or her daughter should open the ball with him.
When a prince wishes to dance with any lady present, with whom he is
unacquainted, his equerry informs her of the prince's intention, and
conducts her to the prince, saying as he does so, "Mrs. A----, your
Royal Highness" or "Miss B----, your Royal Highness." The prince bows
and offers her his arm; the lady should curtsey and take it. She should
not address him until addressed by him, it not being considered
etiquette to do so. The same course is followed by a princess; strangers
to the princess should not ask her to dance, but the host has the
privilege of doing so. When more than one royal personage is present,
the one of the highest rank leads the way, with either hostess or host.
(See Chapter V.)
* * * * *
=Royal Guests= should be received by the host and hostess at the
entrance of the mansion, and by them conducted to the ball-room. At
ball-suppers the same precedence is strictly in force, the royal guests
leading the way with host or hostess (see p. 49).
The same etiquette should be observed on the departure of royal guests
as on their arrival.
* * * * *
=General Introductions= should not be made to royal guests, and
introductions should be made by request only.
Gentlemen present at a ball are expected to ask the daughters of the
house for one dance at least.
A hostess should use her own discretion as to any introduction she
thinks proper to make. When a ball is given in the country, the hostess
should endeavour to find partners for those young ladies who are
strangers to the general company. But when a ball is given in town, she
is not expected to do so, as in town the guests are supposed to be
acquainted with each other more or less, and to be independent of the
kind offices of a hostess.
* * * * *
=The Dances mainly in vogue at the moment= are, "Valses," "The Boston,"
"Two Steps," and "The Cotillon," in which handsome presents are given.
"Quadrilles" are danced at "State Balls," and at those balls at which
the King and Queen are present. Also at "Fancy Dress Balls." "Lancers"
are danced occasionally at "Hunt Balls."
* * * * *
=The Precedency observed= in sending guests in to supper is far more
punctiliously followed in the country than in town. The host should take
in the lady of highest rank present, and the hostess should endeavour to
send in the principal guests according to their individual rank; but in
town she generally leaves the guests to follow the host and lady of
highest rank according to their inclinations, a guest should not enter
the supper-room before the host has done so.
When a gentleman takes a lady in to supper, he should re-conduct her to
the ball-room as a matter of course; the fact of friends joining her in
the supper-room would not relieve him from this obligation. And the same
etiquette applies equally to a lady. She should return to the ball-room
only with the gentleman who has taken her down to supper, unless she is
engaged for the ensuing dance, when her partner might come in quest of
her; she should then return to the ball-room with him.
It is not usual for guests to take leave of a hostess at a London ball.
This remark applies to acquaintances of the hostess, and not to intimate
friends.
At a country ball the guests are on a more friendly footing than is
generally the case in town; and, therefore, make a point of taking leave
of the hostess if possible.
It is optional whether a host conducts a lady to her carriage or not. In
the country more is expected of him than in town in this respect, as at
a London ball, such a civility would involve a vast amount of exertion
which few hosts would be willing to undergo: ladies accompanied by an
acquaintance generally make their way to their carriages.
* * * * *
=The Custom of covering in Small Balconies= and the windows of the
drawing-rooms where a ball takes place, rendering the atmosphere of the
room almost insupportable from the total exclusion of air, is fast
disappearing. The space gained by this means for the accommodation of
the guests is totally disproportionate to the discomfort thereby
entailed upon them.
Ball-givers have at length realised the mistake of crowding two hundred
to three hundred people together into rooms not properly ventilated, and
it is now the rule, when covering in balconies, to introduce window
frames into the bunting covering, and to drape them with lace curtains,
etc., the windows of the ball-room being entirely removed.
Large blocks of ice are frequently placed in convenient spots for the
purpose of cooling the atmosphere, and coloured ice produces a pretty
effect.
Patent ventilators are also much in use, and the substitution of
electric lighting, on account of its emitting little heat, has become
general.
Ball-goers appreciate these alterations as only those who have
experienced the close, stifling atmosphere of an over-crowded ball-room
can do, and as half the London ball-rooms are only average-sized
drawing-rooms, the absurdity of excluding air from the ball-room with
yards of thick canvas cannot be too severely criticised.
Ball-givers, too, frequently issue far more invitations than the size of
their rooms authorises, under the mistaken idea that to have a great
crowd in their rooms is to give a good ball.
But experienced ball-givers limit the number of their invitations to
under two hundred, instead of expanding it to over three hundred.
* * * * *
=The Country Ball Season= ostensibly commences in November, reaches its
zenith in January, and terminates early in February.
The stewards of these balls are, as a rule, the representatives of the
various classes by whom they are attended; the members of the
aristocracy residing in the county heading the list of stewards, and the
members of the professional classes usually closing it.
The top of the ball-room is, as a rule, appropriated by the aristocratic
element, head stewards and "lady patronesses."
The enjoyment derived from country balls depends upon a variety of
circumstances, which do not influence in a like degree the ball-going
world of London.
* * * * *
=County Balls= are principally composed of a series of large parties
brought by different ladies in the neighbourhood where the ball is held;
but there are two classes of county balls, balls which are held in large
and populous towns and attended by the principal residents of the towns,
with only a small sprinkling of the county aristocracy and county
gentry.
There are also Hunt Balls and annual Charity Balls which take place
between October and February, and which are an amalgamation of both
classes of balls.
The neighbourhood where a ball is held is a sufficient indication as to
whether it is likely to be a smart one or not.
As a rule the leading ladies of a county lend their names as patronesses
and supporters of a charity ball, although it by no means follows that
they will personally attend it; but a long list of influential
patronesses materially increases the sale of tickets, which is the
result to be achieved.
A large attendance is not the primary object of a county ball, as the
sum raised by the sale of tickets is only required to defray the
expenses of the ball, although these are sometimes considerable,
especially when the decorations are elaborate, and the arrangements on a
grand scale, in which case there is not seldom a deficiency rather than
a surplus, which deficiency is defrayed by the stewards themselves.
To ensure a good ball considerable unanimity on the part of the county
ladies is demanded, and they usually meet and consult together previous
to fixing the date of the ball, to take into consideration the fixtures
of neighbouring county balls, and so avoid the possibility of the said
balls clashing with their own county ball, and also with a view of
perhaps attracting the house parties of their more distant neighbours to
swell the numbers at their own ball.
House parties invited for a ball vary from ten to twenty-five, as the
accommodation of a house admits.
It is not the province of the stewards of a ball to find partners for
either ladies or gentlemen, and therefore, if a lady does not form one
of a large party, but merely attends a county ball with a relative or
friend, and has not a large acquaintance amongst these present, she has
very little chance of obtaining partners.
Young ladies do not now return to their chaperons after each dance, or
after they have been to the tea-room.
A gentleman should offer his arm to his partner at the conclusion of a
dance to conduct her to the tea-room. In round dances, it is customary
to take frequent pauses, and not to race round the ball-room until the
music ceases.
At country balls programmes are invariably used; at London balls they
are never used, save at public balls.
County balls usually commence between nine and ten o'clock, sometimes a
ball is not opened until the most influential of the stewards and their
parties have arrived, but oftener than not the two first dances are over
before the arrival of the county magnates.
It depends upon the length of the drive at what time people arrive at a
ball; as a rule, they do not arrive later than 10.30 p.m.
The usual mode of conveying a house-party to a ball is by private
omnibus in addition to carriages and motor cars; but when these are
hired for the occasion the expense should be defrayed by the guests
themselves.
It is usual to leave a country ball not later than half-past two; the
most fashionable people invariably do so about that hour.
As a matter of course persons attending public balls take their ball
tickets with them.
* * * * *
=When attending a Military Ball=, or a Hunt Ball, it is usually the rule
to take the invitation card and hand it to the sergeant or official in
attendance.
It is sometimes stated on the invitation card that this is to be done,
although it is often taken for granted that persons will do so of their
own accord.
At balls given by private individuals, the invited guests should not
bring their invitation cards with them, unless in the case of a _bal
masque_, where they are sometimes requested to do so.
In giving a ball three weeks' notice is considered necessary, but with
regard to a dance a short ten days' notice would suffice.
* * * * *
=The Invitation Card= is the usual "at home" card, the word "Dancing"
being printed in the corner of the card.
The word "ball" should never be used on an invitation card, however
grand the entertainment; and the same form of invitation is employed
either in the case of a small dance or of a large ball, though in the
event of a small dance only being given, the words "Small" or "Early"
should be written or printed on the invitation card.
Invitations to a ball should be issued in the name of the hostess only.
When the host is a widower, with a grown-up daughter, the invitations
should be issued in their joint names.
When the host is a widower, or a bachelor, they should be issued in his
name.
Invitations issued by officers, members of hunt committees, bachelors,
etc., to their balls, either request the pleasure or the honour of Mrs.
----'s company; but this formula should not be used by ladies when
issuing invitations; the "at home" card should simply bear the word
"Dancing" on the bottom of the card, the hour and date filled in in the
allotted space, the name of the guest written at the top of the card.
In the case of a written invitation, it would be correct to use the
words "ball" or "dance" when alluding to the entertainment about to be
given, in a friendly note.
A lady or gentleman might ask for an invitation for his or her friend to
a ball given by an acquaintance, although the acquaintanceship were of a
slight character; but a lady or gentleman should not ask for an
invitation to a ball if unacquainted with the giver of it. The fact of
mutual friends having received invitations to a ball gives no claim upon
the hospitality of a stranger, therefore such requests are inadmissible.
The proper course for a person to pursue in the event of desiring an
invitation to a ball given by some one with whom he or she is
unacquainted, is to request some mutual friend to obtain one; and this
course is always followed.
* * * * *
=Cards should be left= by the guests present at a ball within the
current week if possible. (See Chapter III.)
* * * * *
=Gratuities= should never be given by the guests to the servants of the
house where a ball is given.
* * * * *
=State Balls.=--Two State Balls are annually given at Buckingham Palace
during the London season by command of His Majesty. Invitations are
issued by the Lord Chamberlain, but His Majesty previously revises the
list.
When ladies and gentlemen attend a State Ball at Buckingham Palace they
make their way to the ball-room _unannounced_; and there is no official
reception accorded to them, either by "Royalty" or by the Lord
Chamberlain.
Dancing does not commence until the arrival of the royal party, when the
guests rise and remain standing while the Royal Quadrille--with which
the ball opens--is being danced.
The King and Queen act as host and hostess on these occasions, but
confine their attentions to those with whom they are personally
acquainted.
Ladies attending a State Ball at Buckingham Palace should wear the usual
full evening dress; but they should not wear Court trains, or plumes, or
lappets.
Gentlemen attending State Balls should wear uniform or full Court
dress--dress coat, breeches and silk stockings, shoes and buckles;
trousers can only be worn as part of a uniform, and not with a Court
dress as generally worn at a levee.
A gentleman intending to dance should remove his sword, otherwise he
should not do so.
When the Court is in mourning, ladies attending a State Ball should wear
mourning according to the official notice which duly appears in the
_Gazette_.
Gentlemen should wear crape on the left arm, which is supplied in the
cloak-room of the Palace to those who have forgotten to provide
themselves with it, as it is imperative, when the Court is in mourning,
that a band of crape should be worn at either State Ball or State
Concert.
The balls given by the princes and princesses of the blood royal are not
State Balls, therefore Court dress is not worn by the gentlemen present.
They act as host and hostess at the balls given by them and receive
their guests, shaking hands with them as they are announced.
Ladies and gentlemen do not take their cards of invitation with them to
Buckingham Palace.
CHAPTER XIII
DINNER GIVING AND DINING OUT
=Dinner= giving is perhaps the most important of all social observances,
therefore dinner parties rank first amongst all entertainments.
Dinner giving is so thoroughly understood to rest upon the principle of
an equivalent, that those who do not give dinners hardly come within the
category of diners out. This rule, however, is open to many exceptions
in favour of privileged individuals, popular and prominent members of
society whose presence at dinner parties is appreciated and welcomed in
most circles.
Dinner-parties are of more frequent occurrence, and are of more social
significance, than any other form of entertainment.
* * * * *
=Dinner Invitations.=--An invitation to dinner conveys a greater mark of
esteem, or friendship and cordiality, towards the guest invited, than is
conveyed by an invitation to any other social gathering, it being the
highest compliment, socially speaking, that is offered by one person to
another. It is also a civility that can be readily interchanged, which
in itself gives it an advantage over all other civilities.
The orthodox dinner giver must necessarily possess a certain amount of
wealth, and wealth and wit do not always go hand in hand. Oftener than
not, the former rather overweights the latter; hence, the introduction
of a lighter element in the form of amusing people whose _metier_ in
life it is to be amusing and to appear amused.
Dinner giving is in itself not only a test of the position occupied in
society by the dinner giver, but it is also a direct road to obtaining a
recognized place in society. A means of enlarging a limited acquaintance
and a reputation for giving good dinners is in itself a passport to
fashionable society. Dinner giving, in the fullest sense of the word, is
a science not easily acquired, so much depending on the talent which the
host or hostess may possess for organizing dinner-parties.
When a large dinner-party is contemplated, it is usual to give three
weeks' notice, but of late this notice has been extended to four, five,
and even six weeks.
Diners out are rather inclined to rebel against this innovation,
considering that an invitation bearing the date of a month hence pledges
them to remain in town, and as it were controls their movements, for the
acceptance of an invitation is in the eyes of diners out a binding
obligation; only ill-health, family bereavement, or some all-important
reason justifies its being set on one side or otherwise evaded.
Those inconsiderate enough to make trivial excuses at the last moment
are not often retained on the dinner-list of a host or hostess.
Dinner invitations are issued in the joint names of host and hostess.
The master of the house occupies a prominent position amongst his
guests, when dispensing hospitality as a "dinner giver."
From five to ten days' notice is considered sufficient for invitations
to small and unceremonious dinner-parties.
Printed cards are in general use in town for issuing dinner invitations,
and can be purchased from any stationer; these cards only require to be
filled in with the names of host and hostess and guests, date, hour, and
address. The united names of the host and hostess should be written in
the space left for that purpose. Thus, "Mr. and Mrs. A.," and the name
or names of the guests in the next vacant space.
When invitations are issued for small dinner-parties, it is more usual
to write notes than to make use of printed cards.
Acceptances or refusals of dinner invitations should be sent with as
little delay as possible after the invitations have been received. It is
a want of courtesy on the part of a person invited not to do so, as a
hostess is otherwise left in doubt as to whether the person invited
intends dining with her or not, and is consequently unable to fill up
the vacant place with an eligible substitute; thus rendering her
dinner-party an ill-assorted one.
An answer to an invitation cannot be solicited in a subsequent note; it
is therefore incumbent upon the invited person to dispatch an answer
within a day or two at least. Dinner invitations are either sent by post
or by a servant, and the answers are also conveyed in a like manner.
Dinner invitations are invariably sent out by the hostess.
It is not usual in town to invite more than three members of one family;
it is now the custom to ask young ladies with their parents to
dinner-parties.
* * * * *
=Receiving Dinner-Guests.=--The guests should arrive within fifteen
minutes of the hour named on the invitation card.
On no occasion is punctuality more imperative than in the case of dining
out; formerly many allowed themselves great latitude in this respect,
and a long wait for the tardy guests was the result. A host and hostess
frequently waited over half an hour for expected guests. But now
punctuality has become the rule in the highest circles, and dinner is
served within twenty minutes of the arrival of the first guest. In
general, people much given to dining out make a point of arriving in
good time; but there are many in society who presume upon their
position, and are proverbially unpunctual, knowing that in the height of
the season a hostess would wait half an hour rather than sit down to
dinner without them; but this want of consideration soon becomes known
in their different sets, and is always taken into account when "their
company is requested at dinner."
In France, it is not the rule, or the custom, to wait dinner for late
arrivals, and the dinner is served punctually to the hour named in the
invitation.
The dinner-hour varies from eight to nine, although perhaps 8.30 is the
most usual hour. In the country it ranges from 7.30 to 8.30.
Punctuality on the part of the guests enables the hostess to make any
introductions she may consider advisable before dinner is served.
The host and hostess should be in readiness to receive their guests in
the drawing-room at the hour specified on the card.
On arrival, a lady should take off her cloak in the cloak-room, or
should leave it in the hall with the servant in attendance, before
entering the drawing-room.
A gentleman should leave his overcoat and hat in the gentlemen's
cloak-room, or in the hall.
At large dinner-parties, the butler is stationed on the staircase, and
announces the guests as they arrive. At small dinner-parties, or where
only one man-servant is kept, the servant precedes the guest or guests
on their arrival, to the drawing-room. The guests should then give their
names to the servant, that he may announce them.
A lady and gentleman, on being announced, should not enter the
drawing-room arm-in-arm or side by side. The lady or ladies, if more
than one, should enter the room in advance of the gentleman, although
the servant announces "Mr., Mrs., and Miss A."
The host and hostess should come forward and shake hands with each guest
on arrival. The ladies should at once seat themselves, but gentlemen
either stand about the room and talk to each other, or sit down after a
wait of some minutes.
When a lady is acquainted with many of the guests present, she should
not make her way at once to shake hands with all, but should make an
opportunity to do so in an unobtrusive manner; it would be sufficient to
recognise them by a nod or a smile in the mean time. A lady should bow
to any gentleman she knows, and he should cross the room to shake hands
with her at once if disengaged.
At a small dinner-party, where the guests are unacquainted, the hostess
should introduce the persons of highest rank to each other; but at a
large dinner-party, she would not do so, unless she had some especial
reason for making the introduction.
In the country, introductions at dinner-parties are far oftener made
than in town.
Precedency is strictly observed at all dinner-parties. (See Chapter V.)
* * * * *
=Sending Guests in to Dinner.=--The host should take the lady of highest
rank present in to dinner, and the gentleman of highest rank should take
the hostess. This rule is absolute, unless the lady or gentleman of
highest rank is related to the host or hostess, in which case his or her
rank would be in abeyance, out of courtesy to the other guests.
A husband and wife, or a father and daughter, or a mother and son,
should not be sent in to dinner together.
A host and hostess should, if possible, invite an equal number of ladies
and gentlemen. It is usual to invite two or more gentlemen than there
are ladies, in order that the married ladies should not be obliged to go
in to dinner with each other's husbands only. Thus, Mrs. A. and Mr. B.,
Mr. B. and Mrs. A., Mrs. B. should be taken in to dinner by Mr. C., and
Mr. A. should take Mrs. G., and so on.
When ladies are in a majority at a dinner-party to the extent of two or
three, the ladies of highest rank should be taken in to dinner by the
gentlemen present, and the remaining ladies should follow by themselves;
but such an arrangement is unusual and undesirable, though sometimes
unavoidable when the dinner-party is an impromptu one, for instance, and
the notice given has been but a short one.
If there should be one gentleman short of the number required, the
hostess frequently goes in to dinner by herself, following in the wake
of the last couple.
The usual mode of sending guests in to dinner is for the host or hostess
to inform each gentleman, shortly after his arrival, which of the ladies
he is to take in to dinner.
No "choice" is given to any gentleman as to which of the ladies he would
prefer taking in to dinner, it being simply a question of precedency.
Should any difficulty arise as to the order in which the guests should
follow the host to the dining-room, the hostess, knowing the precedency
due to each of her guests, should indicate to each gentleman when it is
his turn to descend to the dining-room. He should then offer his arm to
the lady whom the host had previously desired him to take in to dinner.
Dinner is announced by the butler or man-servant.
When the guests have arrived, or when the host desires dinner to be
served, he should ring or inform the servant accordingly.
On dinner being announced, the host should give his right arm to the
lady of highest rank present, and, with her, lead the way to the
dining-room, followed by the lady second in rank, with a gentleman
second in rank and so on. The gentleman of highest rank present should
follow last with the hostess.
When the second couple are about to leave the drawing-room, the hostess
frequently requests each gentleman in turn to follow with a lady
according to the precedency due to each. Thus, "Mr. A., will you take
Mrs. B.?" This also answers the purpose of an introduction, should the
couple be unacquainted with each other, and the hostess has not found
an opportunity of introducing them to each other on their arrival.
When a case of precedency occurs, in which either the lady or gentleman
must waive their right of precedence, that of the gentleman gives way to
that of the lady. (See Chapter V.)
A gentleman should offer his right arm to a lady on leaving the
drawing-room.
Ladies and gentlemen should not proceed to the dining-room in silence,
but should at once enter into conversation with each other. (See the
work entitled "The Art of Conversing.")
On entering the dining-room the lady whom the host has taken in to
dinner should seat herself at his right hand. On the Continent this
custom is reversed, and it is etiquette for the lady to sit at the left
hand of the gentleman by whom she is taken in to dinner.
The host should remain standing in his place, at the bottom of the
table, until the guests have taken their seats, and should motion the
various couples as they enter the dining-room to the places he wishes
them to occupy at the table. This is the most usual method of placing
the guests at the dinner-table. When the host does not indicate where
they are to sit, they sit near to the host or hostess according to
precedency.
The host and hostess should arrange beforehand the places they wish
their guests to occupy at the dinner-table.
If a host did not indicate to the guests the various places he wished
them to occupy, the result would probably be that husbands and wives
would be seated side by side, or uncongenial people would sit together.
The custom of putting a card with the name of the guest on the table in
the place allotted to each individual guest is frequently followed at
large dinner-parties, and in some instances the name of each guest is
printed on a menu and placed in front of each cover.
The host and the lady taken in to dinner by him should sit at the bottom
of the table. He should sit in the centre at the bottom of the table and
place the lady whom he has taken down at his right hand. The same rule
applies to the hostess. She should sit in the centre at the top of the
table, the gentleman by whom she has been taken in to dinner being
placed at her left hand.
The lady second in rank should sit at the host's left hand.
Each lady should sit at the right hand of the gentleman by whom she is
taken in to dinner.
It is solely a matter of inclination whether a lady and gentleman, who
have gone in to dinner together, converse with each other only, or with
their right-and left-hand neighbours also, but they usually find some
topic of conversation in common, otherwise a dinner-party would prove
but a succession of _tete-a-tete_.
* * * * *
=The Menus= are placed the length of the table, on an average one to two
persons or occasionally one to each person, and the menu cards are
elaborate or simple, according to individual taste, and are purchased
printed for the purpose, having a space for the names of the dishes to
be filled in, which is usually done by the mistress of the house, unless
the establishment is on a large scale, it being usual to write them out
in French.
Fanciful menu holders are much in u
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