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Searchlights on Health: Light on Dark Corners

by B. G. Jefferis · English · Gutenberg #23609 · 831,673 chars · public domain (US)

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Title: Searchlights on Health: Light on Dark Corners

Author: B. G. Jefferis
        J. L. Nichols


        
Release date: November 24, 2007 [eBook #23609]

Language: English

Other information and formats: www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/23609

Credits: Produced by Suzanne Lybarger, Brian Janes, Keith Edkins
        and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at
        http://www.pgdp.net


*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SEARCHLIGHTS ON HEALTH: LIGHT ON DARK CORNERS ***




Produced by Suzanne Lybarger, Brian Janes, Keith Edkins
and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at
http://www.pgdp.net





Transcriber's note: A few typographical errors have been corrected: they
are listed at the end of the text.

       *       *       *       *       *


[Illustration: GUARDIAN ANGEL]

       *       *       *       *       *


SEARCHLIGHTS ON HEALTH

LIGHT ON DARK CORNERS

       *       *       *       *       *

A COMPLETE SEXUAL SCIENCE

AND

A Guide to Purity and Physical Manhood

ADVICE TO MAIDEN, WIFE, AND MOTHER

LOVE, COURTSHIP, AND MARRIAGE.

       *       *       *       *       *

BY

PROF. B. G. JEFFERIS, M.D., PH.D.,

AND

J. L. NICHOLS, A.M.

       *       *       *       *       *

J. L. NICHOLS & CO.

Naperville, Ill.   Memphis, Tenn.   Atlanta, Ga.

SOLD ONLY BY SUBSCRIPTION.

AGENTS WANTED

       *       *       *       *       *


"Vice has no friend like the prejudice which claims to be virtue."--_Lord
Lytton_.

       *       *       *       *       *

"When the judgment's weak, the prejudice is strong."--_Kate O'Hare_.

       *       *       *       *       *

"It is the first right of every child to be well born."

       *       *       *       *       *

Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1894
By J. L. NICHOLS,
In the Office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington, D. C.

       *       *       *       *       *

Copyrighted 1895.

       *       *       *       *       *

Copyrighted. 1896, by J. L. Nichols & Co.

       *       *       *       *       *

Copyrighted, 1904, by J. L. Nichols & Co.

       *       *       *       *       *

OVER 500,000 COPIES SOLD.

       *       *       *       *       *


{3}

He stumbleth not, because he seeth the Light.

[Illustration: "Search Me, Oh Thou Great Creator."]

       *       *       *       *       *

Knowledge is Safety.

1. The old maxim, that "Knowledge is power," is a true one, but there is
still a greater truth: "KNOWLEDGE IS SAFETY." Safety amid physical ills
that beset mankind, and safety amid the moral pitfalls that surround so
many young people, is the great crying demand of the age. {4}

2. CRITICISM.--While the aim of this work, though novel and to some extent
is daring, it is chaste, practical and to the point, and will be a boon and
a blessing to thousands who consult its pages. The world is full of
ignorance, and the ignorant will always criticise, because they live to
suffer ills, for they know no better. New light is fast falling upon the
dark corners, and the eyes of many are being opened.

3. RESEARCHES OF SCIENCE.--The researches of science in the past few years
have thrown light on many facts relating to the physiology of man and
woman, and the diseases to which they are subject, and consequently many
reformations have taken place in the treatment and prevention of diseases
peculiar to the sexes.

4. LOCK AND KEY.--Any information bearing upon the diseases of mankind
should not be kept under lock and key. The physician is frequently called
upon to speak in plain language to his patients upon some private and
startling disease contracted on account of ignorance. The better plan,
however, is to so educate and enlighten old and young upon the important
subjects of health, so that the necessity to call a physician may occur
less frequently.

5. PROGRESSION.--A large, respectable, though diminishing class in every
community, maintain that nothing that relates exclusively to either sex
should become the subject of popular medical instruction. But such an
opinion is radically wrong; ignorance is no more the mother of purity than
it is of religion. Enlightenment can never work injustice to him who
investigates.

6. AN EXAMPLE.--The men and women who study and practice medicine are not
the worse, but the better for such knowledge; so it would be to the
community in general if all would be properly instructed on the laws of
health which relate to the sexes.

7. CRIME AND DEGRADATION.--Had every person a sound understanding on the
relation of the sexes, one of the most fertile sources of crime and
degradation would be removed. Physicians know too well what sad
consequences are constantly occurring from a lack of proper knowledge on
these important subjects.

8. A CONSISTENT CONSIDERATION.--Let the reader of this work study its pages
carefully and be able to give safe counsel and advice to others, and
remember that purity of purpose and purity of character are the brightest
jewels in the crown of immortality.

       *       *       *       *       *


{5}

The Beginning of Life.

[Illustration: Beginning Right.]

1. THE BEGINNING.--There is a charm in opening manhood which has commended
itself to the imagination in every age. The undefined hopes and promises of
the future--the dawning strength of intellect--the vigorous flow of
passion--the very exchange of home ties and protected joys for free and
manly pleasures, give to this period an interest and excitement unfelt,
perhaps, at any other.

{6}

2. THE GROWTH OF INDEPENDENCE.--Hitherto life has been to boys, as to
girls, a dependent existence--a sucker from the parent growth--a home
discipline of authority and guidance and communicated impulse. But
henceforth it is a transplanted growth of its own--a new and free power of
activity in which the mainspring is no longer authority or law from
without, but principle or opinion within. The shoot which has been
nourished under the shelter of the parent stem, and bent according to its
inclination, is transferred to the open world, where of its own impulse and
character it must take root, and grow into strength, or sink into weakness
and vice.

3. HOME TIES.--The thought of home must excite a pang even in the first
moments of freedom. Its glad shelter--its kindly guidance--its very
restraints, how dear and tender must they seem in parting! How brightly
must they shine in the retrospect as the youth turns from them to the
hardened and unfamiliar face of the world! With what a sweet,
sadly-cheering pathos they must linger in the memory! And then what chance
and hazard is there in his newly-gotten freedom! What instincts of warning
in its very novelty and dim inexperience! What possibilities of failure as
well as of success in the unknown future as it stretches before him!

4. VICE OR VIRTUE.--Certainly there is a grave importance as well as a
pleasant charm in the beginning of life. There is awe as well as excitement
in it when rightly viewed. The possibilities that lie in it of noble or
ignoble work--of happy self-sacrifice or ruinous self-indulgence--the
capacities in the right use of which it may rise to heights of beautiful
virtue, in the abuse of which it may sink to the depths of debasing
vice--make the crisis one of fear as well as of hope, of sadness as well as
of joy.

5. SUCCESS OR FAILURE.--It is wistful as well as pleasing to think of the
young passing year by year into the world, and engaging with its duties,
its interests, and temptations. Of the throng that struggle at the gates of
entrance, how many may reach their anticipated goal? Carry the mind forward
a few years, and some have climbed the hills of difficulty and gained the
eminence on which they wished to stand--some, although they may not have
done this, have kept their truth unhurt, their integrity unspoiled; but
others have turned back, or have perished by the way, or fallen in weakness
of will, no more to rise again; victims of their own sin.

6. WARNING.--As we place ourselves with the young at the opening gates of
life, and think of the end from the {7} beginning, it is a deep concern
more than anything else that fills us. Words of earnest argument and
warning counsel rather than of congratulation rise to our lips.

7. MISTAKES ARE OFTEN FATAL.--Begin well, and the habit of doing well will
become quite as easy as the habit of doing badly. "Well begun is half
ended," says the proverb; "and a good beginning is half the battle." Many
promising young men have irretrievably injured themselves by a first false
step at the commencement of life; while others, of much less promising
talents, have succeeded simply by beginning well, and going onward. The
good, practical beginning is, to a certain extent, a pledge, a promise, and
an assurance of the ultimate prosperous issue. There is many a poor
creature, now crawling through life, miserable himself and the cause of
sorrow to others, who might have lifted up his head and prospered, if,
instead of merely satisfying himself with resolutions of well-doing, he had
actually gone to work and made a good, practical beginning.

8. BEGIN AT THE RIGHT PLACE.--Too many are, however, impatient of results.
They are not satisfied to begin where their fathers did, but where they
left off. They think to enjoy the fruits of industry without working for
them. They cannot wait for the results of labor and application, but
forestall them by too early indulgence.

       *       *       *       *       *


[Illustration: SOLID COMFORT AND GOOD HEALTH.]

Health a Duty.

Perhaps nothing will so much hasten the time when body and mind will both
be adequately cared for, as a diffusion of the belief that the preservation
of health is a duty. Few seem conscious that there is such a thing as
physical morality.

Men's habitual words and acts imply that they are at liberty to treat their
bodies as they please. Disorder entailed by disobedience to nature's
dictates they regard as grievances, not as the effects of a conduct more or
less flagitious. Though the evil consequences inflicted on their
descendents and on future generations are often as great as those caused by
crime, they do not think themselves in any degree criminal.

It is true that in the case of drunkenness the viciousness of a bodily
transgression is recognized; but none appear to infer that if this bodily
transgression is vicious, so, too, is {8} every bodily transgression. The
fact is, all breaches of the law of health are physical sins.

When this is generally seen, then, and perhaps not till then, will the
physical training of the young receive all the attention it deserves.

Purity of life and thought should be taught in the home. It is the only
safeguard of the young. Let parents wake up on this important subject.

       *       *       *       *       *


{9}

Value of Reputation.

1. WHO SHALL ESTIMATE THE COST.--Who shall estimate the cost of a priceless
reputation--that impress which gives this human dross its currency--without
which we stand despised, debased, depreciated? Who shall repair it injured?
Who can redeem it lost? Oh, well and truly does the great philosopher of
poetry esteem the world's wealth as "trash" in the comparison. Without it
gold has no value; birth, no distinction; station, no dignity; beauty, no
charm; age, no reverence; without it every treasure impoverishes, every
grace deforms, every dignity degrades, and all the arts, the decorations
and accomplishments of life stand, like the beacon-blaze upon a rock,
warning the world that its approach is dangerous; that its contact is
death.

2. THE WRETCH WITHOUT IT.--The wretch without it is under eternal
quarantine; no friend to greet; no home to harbor him, the voyage of his
life becomes a joyless peril; and in the midst of all ambition can achieve,
or avarice amass, or rapacity plunder, he tosses on the surge, a buoyant
pestilence. But let me not degrade into selfishness of individual safety or
individual exposure this individual principle; it testifies a higher, a
more ennobling origin.

3. ITS DIVINITY.--Oh, Divine, oh, delightful legacy of a spotless
reputation: Rich is the inheritance it leaves; pious the example it
testifies; pure, precious and imperishable, the hope which it inspires; can
there be conceived a more atrocious injury than to filch from its possessor
this inestimable benefit to rob society of its charm, and solitude of its
solace; not only to out-law life, but attain death, converting the very
grave, the refuge of the sufferer, into the gate of infamy and of shame.

4. LOST CHARACTER.--We can conceive few crimes beyond it. He who plunders
my property takes from me that which can be repaired by time; but what
period can repair a ruined reputation? He who maims my person effects that
which medicine may remedy; but what herb has sovereignty over the wounds of
slander? He who ridicules my poverty or reproaches my profession, upbraids
me with that which industry may retrieve, and integrity may purify; but
what riches shall redeem the bankrupt fame? What power shall blanch the
sullied show of character? There can be no injury more deadly. There can be
no crime more cruel. It is without remedy. It is without antidote. It is
without evasion.

       *       *       *       *       *


{11}

Influence of Associates.

    If you always live with those who are lame, you will yourself learn to
    limp.--FROM THE LATIN.

    If men wish to be held in esteem, they must associate with those who
    are estimable.--LA BRUYERE.

[Illustration: GATHERING WILD FLOWERS.]

1. BY WHAT MEN ARE KNOWN.--An author is known by his writings, a mother by
her daughter, a fool by his words, and all men by their companions.

2. FORMATION OF A GOOD CHARACTER.--Intercourse with persons of decided
virtue and excellence is of great importance in the formation of a good
character. The force of example is powerful; we are creatures of imitation,
and, by a necessary influence, our tempers and habits are very much formed
on the model of those with whom we familiarly associate. Better be alone
than in bad company. Evil communications corrupt good manners. Ill
qualities are catching as well as diseases; and the mind is at least as
much, if not a great deal more, liable to infection, than the body. Go with
mean people, and you think life is mean.

3. GOOD EXAMPLE.--How natural is it for a child to look up to those around
him for an example of imitation, and how readily does he copy all that he
sees done, good or bad. The importance of a good example on which the young
may exercise this powerful and active element of their nature, is a matter
of the utmost moment.

4. A TRUE MAXIM.--It is a trite, but true maxim, that "a man is known by
the company he keeps." He naturally assimilates by the force of imitation,
to the habits and manners of those by whom he is surrounded. We know
persons who walk much with the lame, who have learned to walk with a hitch
or limp like their lame friends. Vice stalks in the streets unabashed, and
children copy it.

5. LIVE WITH THE CULPABLE.--Live with the culpable, and you will be very
likely to die with the criminal. Bad company is like a nail driven into a
post, which after the first or second blow, may be drawn out with little
difficulty; but being once driven in up to the head, the pinchers cannot
take hold to draw it out, which can only be done by the destruction of the
wood. You may be ever so pure, you cannot associate with bad companions
without falling into bad odor.

6. SOCIETY OF THE VULGAR.--Do you love the society of the vulgar? Then you
are already debased in your sentiments. Do you seek to be with the profane?
In your heart you are like them. Are jesters and buffoons your choice
friends? {12} He who loves to laugh at folly, is himself a fool. Do you
love and seek the society of the wise and good? Is this your habit? Had you
rather take the lowest seat among these than the highest seat among others?
Then you have already learned to be good. You may not make very much
progress, but even a good beginning is not to be despised.

7. SINKS OF POLLUTION.--Strive for mental excellence, and strict integrity,
and you never will be found in the sinks of pollution, and on the benches
of retailers and gamblers. Once habituate yourself to a virtuous course,
once secure a love of good society, and no punishment would be greater than
by accident to be obliged for half a day to associate with the low and
vulgar. Try to frequent the company of your betters.

8. PROCURE NO FRIEND IN HASTE.--Nor, if once secured, in haste abandon
them. Be slow in choosing an associate, and slower to change him; slight no
man for poverty, nor esteem any one for his wealth. Good friends should not
be easily forgotten, nor used as suits of apparel, which, when we have worn
them threadbare, we cast them off, and call for new. When once you profess
yourself a friend, endeavor to be always such. He can never have any true
friends that will be often changing them.

9. HAVE THE COURAGE TO CUT THE MOST AGREEABLE ACQUAINTANCE.--Do this when
you are convinced that he lacks principle; a friend should bear with a
friend's infirmities, but not with his vices. He that does a base thing in
zeal for his friend, burns the golden thread that ties their hearts
together.

       *       *       *       *       *


Self-Control.

    "Honor and profit do not always lie in the same sack."--GEORGE HERBERT.

    "The government of one's self is the only true freedom for the
    individual."--FREDERICK PERTHES.

    "It is length of patience, and endurance, and forebearance, that so
    much of what is called good in mankind and womankind is shown."--ARTHUR
    HELPS.

       *       *       *       *       *

1. ESSENCE OF CHARACTER.--Self-control is only courage under another form.
It may also be regarded as the primary essence of character. It is in
virtue of this quality that Shakespeare defines man as a being "looking
before and after." It forms the chief distinction between man and the mere
animal; and, indeed, there can be no true manhood without it.

[Illustration: THE RESULT OF BAD COMPANY.]

2. ROOT OF ALL THE VIRTUES.--Self-control is at the root {14} of all the
virtues. Let a man give the reins to his impulses and passions, and from
that moment he yields up his moral freedom. He is carried along the current
of life, and becomes the slave of his strongest desire for the time being.

3. RESIST INSTINCTIVE IMPULSE.--To be morally free--to be more than an
animal--man must be able to resist instinctive impulse, and this can only
be done by exercise of self-control. Thus it is this power which
constitutes the real distinction between a physical and a moral life, and
that forms the primary basis of individual character.

4. A STRONG MAN RULETH HIS OWN SPIRIT.--In the Bible praise is given, not
to a strong man who "taketh a city," but to the stronger man who "ruleth
his own spirit." This stronger man is he who, by discipline, exercises a
constant control over his thoughts, his speech, and his acts. Nine-tenths
of the vicious desires that degrade society, and which, when indulged,
swell into the crimes that disgrace it, would shrink into insignificance
before the advance of valiant self-discipline, self-respect, and
self-control. By the watchful exercise of these virtues, purity of heart
and mind become habitual, and the character is built up in chastity,
virtue, and temperance.

5. THE BEST SUPPORT.--The best support of character will always be found in
habit, which, according as the will is directed rightly or wrongly, as the
case may be, will prove either a benignant ruler, or a cruel despot. We may
be its willing subject on the one hand, or its servile slave on the other.
It may help us on the road to good, or it may hurry us on the road to ruin.

6. THE IDEAL MAN.--"In the supremacy of self-control," says Herbert
Spencer, "consists one of the perfections of the ideal man. Not to be
impulsive, not to be spurred hither and thither by each desire that in turn
comes uppermost, but to be self-restrained, self-balanced, governed by the
joint decision of the feelings in council assembled, before whom every
action shall have been fully debated, and calmly determined--that it is
which education, moral education at least, strives to produce."

7. THE BEST REGULATED HOME.--The best regulated home is always that in
which the discipline is the most perfect, and yet where it is the least
felt. Moral discipline acts with the force of a law of nature. Those
subject to it yield themselves to it unconsciously; and though it shapes
and forms the whole character, until the life becomes crystallized in
habit, the influence thus exercised is for the most part unseen, and almost
unfelt. {15}

8. PRACTICE SELF-DENIAL.--If a man would get through life honorably and
peaceably, he must necessarily learn to practice self-denial in small
things as well as in great. Men have to bear as well as to forbear. The
temper has to be held in subjection to the judgment; and the little demons
of ill-humor, petulance, and sarcasm, kept resolutely at a distance. If
once they find an entrance to the mind, they are apt to return, and to
establish for themselves a permanent occupation there.

9. POWER OF WORDS.--It is necessary to one's personal happiness, to
exercise control over one's words as well as acts: for there are words that
strike even harder than blows; and men may "speak daggers," though they use
none. The stinging repartee that rises to the lips, and which, if uttered,
might cover an adversary with confusion, how difficult it is to resist
saying it! "Heaven, keep us," says Miss Bremer, in her 'Home', "from the
destroying power of words! There are words that sever hearts more than
sharp swords do; there are words the point of which sting the heart through
the course of a whole life."

10. CHARACTER EXHIBITS ITSELF.--Character exhibits itself in self-control
of speech as much as in anything else. The wise and forbearant man will
restrain his desire to say a smart or severe thing at the expense of
another's feeling; while the fool blurts out what he thinks, and will
sacrifice his friend rather than his joke. "The mouth of a wise man," said
Solomon, "is in his heart: the heart of a fool is in his mouth."

11. BURNS.--No one knew the value of self-control better than the poet
Burns, and no one could teach it more eloquently to others, but when it
came to practice, Burns was as weak as the weakest. He could not deny
himself the pleasure of uttering a harsh and clever sarcasm at another's
expense. One of his biographers observed of him, that it was no extravagant
arithmetic to say that for every ten jokes he made himself a hundred
enemies. But this was not all. Poor Burns exercised no control over his
appetites, but freely gave them the rein:

 "Thus thoughtless follies laid him low,
  And stained his name."

[Illustration: LOST SELF-CONTROL.]

12. SOW POLLUTION.--Nor had he the self-denial to resist giving publicity
to compositions originally intended for the delight of the tap-room, but
which continued secretly to sow pollution broadcast in the minds of youth.
Indeed, notwithstanding the many exquisite poems of this writer, it is not
saying too much that his immoral writings have done far more harm than his
purer writings have done good; and {16} it would be better that all his
writings should be destroyed and forgotten, provided his indecent songs
could be destroyed with them.

13. MORAL PRINCIPLE.--Many of our young men lack moral principle. They
cannot look upon a beautiful girl with a pure heart and pure thoughts. They
have not manifested or practiced that self-control which develops true
manhood, and brings into subordination evil thoughts, evil passions, and
evil practices. Men who have no self-control will find life a failure, both
in a social and in a business sense. The world despises an insignificant
person who lacks backbone and character. Stand upon your manhood and
womanhood; honor your convictions, and dare to do right.

14. STRONG DRINK.--There is the habit of strong drink. It is only the lack
of self-control that brings men into the depths of degradation; on account
of the cup, the habit of taking drink occasionally in its milder forms--of
playing with a small appetite that only needs sufficient playing with to
make you a demon or a dolt. You think you are safe; I know you are not
safe, if you drink at all; and when you get offended with the good friends
that warn you of your danger, you are a fool. I know that the grave
swallows daily, by scores, drunkards, every one of whom thought he was safe
while he was forming his appetite. But this is old talk. A young man in
this age who forms the habit of drinking, or puts himself in danger of
forming the habit, is usually so weak that it doesn't pay to save him.

       *       *       *       *       *


{17}

Habit.

    It is almost as difficult to make a man unlearn his Errors as his
    Knowledge.--COLTON.

    There are habits contracted by bad example, or bad management, before
    we have judgment to discern their approaches, or because the eye of
    Reason is laid asleep, or has not compass of view sufficient to look
    around on every quarter.--TUCKER.

       *       *       *       *       *

1. HABIT.--Our real strength in life depends upon habits formed in early
life. The young man who sows his wild oats and indulges in the social cup,
is fastening chains upon himself that never can be broken. The innocent
youth by solitary practice of self-abuse will fasten upon himself a habit
which will wreck his physical constitution and bring suffering and misery
and ruin. Young man and young woman, beware of bad habits formed in early
life.

2. A BUNDLE OF HABITS.--Man, it has been said, is a bundle of habits; and
habit is second nature. Metastasio entertained so strong an opinion as to
the power of repetition in act and thought, that he said, "All is habit in
mankind, even virtue itself." Evil habits must be conquered, or they will
conquer us and destroy our peace and happiness.

3. VICIOUS HABITS.--Vicious habits, when opposed, offer the most vigorous
resistence on the first attack. At each successive encounter this
resistence grows fainter and fainter, until finally it ceases altogether
and the victory is achieved. Habit is man's best friend and worst enemy; it
can exalt him to the highest pinnacle of virtue, honor and happiness, or
sink him to the lowest depths of vice, shame and misery.

4. HONESTY, OR KNAVERY.--We may form habits of honesty, or knavery; truth,
or falsehood; of industry, or idleness; frugality, or extravagance; of
patience, or impatience; self-denial, or self-indulgence; of kindness,
cruelty, politeness, rudeness, prudence, perseverance, circumspection. In
short, there is not a virtue, nor a vice; not an act of body, nor of mind,
to which we may not be chained down by this despotic power.

5. BEGIN WELL.--It is a great point for young men to begin well; for it is
the beginning of life that that system of conduct is adopted which soon
assumes the force of habit. Begin well, and the habit of doing well will
become quite easy, as easy as the habit of doing badly. Pitch upon that
course of life which is the most excellent, and habit will render it the
most delightful.

       *       *       *       *       *


{18}

A Good Name.

1. THE LONGING FOR A GOOD NAME.--The longing for a good name is one of
those laws of nature that were passed for the soul and written down within
to urge toward a life of action, and away from small or wicked action. So
large is this passion that it is set forth in poetic thought, as having a
temple grand as that of Jupiter or Minerva, and up whose marble steps all
noble minds struggle--the temple of Fame.

2. CIVILIZATION.--Civilization is the ocean of which the millions of
individuals are the rivers and torrents. These rivers and torrents swell
with those rains of money and home and fame and happiness, and then fall
and run almost dry, but the ocean of civilization has gathered up all these
waters, and holds them in sparkling beauty for all subsequent use.
Civilization is a fertile delta made by the drifting souls of men.

3. FAME.--The word "fame" never signifies simply notoriety. The meaning of
the direct term may be seen from its negation or opposite, for only the
meanest of men are called infamous. They are utterly without fame, utterly
nameless; but if fame implied only notoriety then infamous would possess no
marked significance. Fame is an undertaker that pays but little attention
to the living, but who bedizens the dead, furnishes out their funerals and
follows them to the grave.

4. LIFE-MOTIVE.--So in studying that life-motive which is called a "good
name," we must ask the large human race to tell us the high merit of this
spiritual longing. We must read the words of the sage, who said long
centuries ago that "a good name was rather chosen than great riches." Other
sages have said as much. Solon said that "He that will sell his good name
will sell the State." Socrates said, "Fame is the perfume of heroic deeds."
Our Shakspeare said, "He lives in fame who died in virtue's cause."

5. INFLUENCES OF OUR AGE.--Our age is deeply influenced by the motives
called property and home and pleasure, but it is a question whether the
generation in action to-day and the generation on the threshold of this
intense life are conscious fully of the worth of an honorable name.

6. BEAUTY OF CHARACTER.--We do not know whether with us all a good name is
less sweet than it was with our fathers, but this is painfully evident,
that our times do not sufficiently behold the beauty of character--their
sense does not {19} detect quickly enough or love deeply enough this aroma
of heroic deeds.

7. SELLING OUT THEIR REPUTATION.--It is amazing what multitudes there are
who are willing to sell out their reputation, and amazing at what a low
price they will make the painful exchange. Some king remarked that he would
not tell a lie for any reward less than an empire. It is not uncommon in
our world for a man to sell out all his honor and hopes for a score or a
half score of dollars.

8. PRISONS OVERFLOWING.--Our prisons are all full to overflowing of those
who took no thought of honor. They have not waited for an empire to be
offered them before they would violate the sacred rights of man, but many
of them have even murdered for a cause that would not have justified even
an exchange of words.

9. INTEGRITY THE PRIDE OF THE GOVERNMENT.--If integrity were made the pride
of the government, the love of it would soon spring up among the people. If
all fraudulent men should go straight to jail, pitilessly, and if all the
most rigid characters were sought out for all political and commercial
offices, there would soon come a popular honesty just as there has come a
love of reading or of art. It is with character as with any new
article--the difficulty lies in its first introduction.

10. A NEW VIRTUE.--May a new virtue come into favor, all our high rewards,
those from the ballot-box, those from employers, the rewards of society,
the rewards of the press, should be offered only to the worthy. A few years
of rewarding the worthy would result in a wonderful zeal in the young to
build up, not physical property, but mental and spiritual worth.

[Illustration: AN ARAB PRINCESS.]

11. BLESSING THE FAMILY GROUP.--No young man or young woman can by industry
and care reach an eminence in study or art or character, without blessing
the entire family group. We have all seen that the father and mother feel
that all life's care and labor were at last perfectly rewarded in the
success of their child. But had the child been reckless or indolent, all
this domestic joy--the joy of a large group--would have been blighted
forever.

12. AN HONORED CHILD.--There have been triumphs at old Rome, where victors
marched along with many a chariot, many an elephant, and many spoils of the
East; and in all times money has been lavished in the efforts of States to
tell their pleasure in the name of some general; but more numerous and
wide-spread and beyond expression, by chariot or cannon or drum, have been
those triumphal {20} hours, when some son or daughter has returned to the
parental hearth beautiful in the wreaths of some confessed excellence,
bearing a good name.

13. RICH CRIMINALS.--We looked at the utter wretchedness of the men who
threw away reputation, and would rather be rich criminals in exile than be
loved friends and persons at home.

14. AN EMPTY, OR AN EVIL NAME.--Young and old cannot afford to bear the
burden of an empty or an evil name. A good name is a motive of life. It is
a reason for that great encampment we call an existence. While you are
building the home of to-morrow, build up also that kind of soul that can
sleep sweetly on home's pillow, and can feel that God is not near as an
avenger of wrong, but as the Father not only of the verdure and the
seasons, but of you. Live a pure life and bear a good name, and your reward
will be sure and great.

       *       *       *       *       *


{21}

The Mother's Influence.

  Mother, O mother, my heart calls for you,
  Many a Summer the grass has grown green,
  Blossomed and faded, our faces between;
  Yet with strong yearning and passionate pain,
  Long I to-night for your presence again.--_Elizabeth Akers Allen._

  A mother is a mother still,
  The holiest thing alive.--_Coleridge._

                          There is none,
  In all this cold and hollow world, no fount
  Of deep, strong, deathless love, save that within
  A mother's heart.--_Mrs. Hemans._

  And all my mother came into mine eyes,
  And gave me up to tears.--_Shakespeare._

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: A PRAYERFUL AND DEVOTED MOTHER.]

1. HER INFLUENCE.--It is true to nature, although it be expressed in a
figurative form, that a mother is both the morning and the evening star of
life. The light of her eye is always the first to rise, and often the last
to set upon man's day of trial. She wields a power more decisive far than
syllogisms in argument or courts of last appeal in authority.

2. HER LOVE.--Mother! ecstatic sound so twined round our hearts that they
must cease to throb ere we forget it; 'tis our first love; 'tis part of
religion. Nature has set the mother upon such a pinnacle that our infant
eyes and arms are first uplifted to it; we cling to it in manhood; we
almost worship it in old age.

3. HER TENDERNESS.--Alas! how little do we appreciate a mother's tenderness
while living. How heedless are we in youth of all her anxieties and
kindness! But when she is dead and gone, when the cares and coldness of the
world come withering to our hearts, when we experience for ourselves how
hard it is to find true sympathy, how few to love us, how few will befriend
us in misfortune, then it is that we think of the mother we have lost.

4. HER CONTROLLING POWER.--The mother can take man's whole nature under her
control. She becomes what she has been called, "The Divinity of Infancy."
Her smile is its sunshine, her word its mildest law, until sin and the
world have steeled the heart.

{22} 5. THE LAST TIE.--The young man who has forsaken the advice and
influence of his mother has broken the last cable and severed the last tie
that binds him to an honorable and upright life. He has forsaken his best
friend, and every hope for his future welfare may be abandoned, for he is
lost forever. If he is faithless to mother, he will have but little respect
for wife and children.

6. HOME TIES.--The young man or young woman who love their home and love
their mother can be safely trusted under almost any and all circumstances,
and their life will not be a blank, for they seek what is good. Their
hearts will be ennobled, and God will bless them.

       *       *       *       *       *


{23}

Home Power.

    "The mill-streams that turn the clappers of the world arise in solitary
    places."--HELPS.

 "Lord! with what care hast Thou begirt us round!
  Parents first season us. Then schoolmasters
  Deliver us to laws. They send us bound
  To rules of reason."--GEORGE HERBERT.

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: HOME AMUSEMENT.]

1. SCHOOL OF CHARACTER.--Home is the first and most important school of
character. It is there that every human being receives his best moral
training, or his worst, for it is there that he imbibes those principles of
conduct which endure through manhood, and cease only with life.

2. HOME MAKES THE MAN.--It is a common saying, "Manners make the man;" and
there is a second, that "Mind makes the man;" but truer than either is a
third, that "Home makes the man." For the home-training includes not only
manners and mind, but character. It is mainly in the home that the heart is
opened, the habits are formed, the intellect is awakened, and character
moulded for good or for evil.

{24}

3. GOVERN SOCIETY.--From that source, be it pure or impure, issue the
principles and maxims that govern society. Law itself is but the reflex of
homes. The tiniest bits of opinion sown in the minds of children in private
life afterwards issue forth to the world, and become its public opinion;
for nations are gathered out of nurseries, and they who hold the
leading-strings of children may even exercise a greater power than those
who wield the reins of government.

4. THE CHILD IS FATHER OF THE MAN.--The child's character is the nucleus of
the man's; all after-education is but superposition; the form of the
crystal remains the same. Thus the saying of the poet holds true in a large
degree, "The child is father of the man;" or as Milton puts it, "The
childhood shows the man, as morning shows the day." Those impulses to
conduct which last the longest and are rooted the deepest, always have
their origin near our birth. It is then that the germs of virtues or vices,
of feelings or sentiments, are first implanted which determine the
character of life.

5. NURSERIES.--Thus homes, which are nurseries of children who grow up into
men and women, will be good or bad according to the power that governs
them. Where the spirit of love and duty pervades the home, where head and
heart bear rule wisely there, where the daily life is honest and virtuous,
where the government is sensible, kind, and loving, then may we expect from
such a home an issue of healthy, useful, and happy beings, capable as they
gain the requisite strength, of following the footsteps of their parents,
of walking uprightly, governing themselves wisely, and contributing to the
welfare of those about them.

6. IGNORANCE, COARSENESS, AND SELFISHNESS.--On the other hand, if
surrounded by ignorance, coarseness, and selfishness, they will
unconsciously assume the same character, and grow up to adult years rude,
uncultivated, and all the more dangerous to society if placed amidst the
manifold temptations of what is called civilized life. "Give your child to
be educated by a slave," said an ancient Greek, "and, instead of one slave,
you will then have two."

7. MATERNAL LOVE.--Maternal love is the visible providence of our race. Its
influence is constant and universal. It begins with the education of the
human being at the outstart of life, and is prolonged by virtue of the
powerful influence which every good mother exercises over her children
through life. When launched into the world, each to take part in its
labors, anxieties, and trials, they still turn {25} to their mother for
consolation, if not for counsel, in their time of trouble and difficulty.
The pure and good thoughts she has implanted in their minds when children
continue to grow up into good acts long after she is dead; and when there
is nothing but a memory of her left, her children rise up and call her
blessed.

8. WOMAN, ABOVE ALL OTHER EDUCATORS, educates humanly. Man is the brain,
but woman is the heart of humanity; he its judgment, she its feeling; he
its strength, she its grace, ornament, and solace. Even the understanding
of the best woman seems to work mainly through her affections. And thus,
though man may direct the intellect, woman cultivates the feelings, which
mainly determine the character. While he fills the memory, she occupies the
heart. She makes us love what he can make us only believe, and it is
chiefly through her that we are enabled to arrive at virtue.

9. THE POOREST DWELLING, presided over by a virtuous, thrifty, cheerful,
and cleanly woman, may thus be the abode of comfort, virtue, and happiness;
it may be the scene of every ennobling relation in family life; it may be
endeared to man by many delightful associations; furnishing a sanctuary for
the heart, a refuge from the storms of life, a sweet resting-place after
labor, a consolation in misfortune, a pride in prosperity, and a joy at all
times.

10. THE GOOD HOME IS THUS THE BEST OF SCHOOLS, not only in youth but in
age. There young and old best learn cheerfulness, patience, self-control,
and the spirit of service and of duty. The home is the true school of
courtesy, of which woman is always the best practical instructor. "Without
woman," says the Provencal proverb, "men were but ill-licked cubs."
Philanthropy radiates from the home as from a centre. "To love the little
platoon we belong to in society," said Burke, "is the germ of all public
affections." The wisest and best have not been ashamed to own it to be
their greatest joy and happiness to sit "behind the heads of children" in
the inviolable circle of home.

[Illustration]

{26}

To Young Women.

[Illustration: MEDITATION.]

1. TO BE A WOMAN, in the truest and highest sense of the word, is to be the
best thing beneath the skies. To be a woman is something more than to live
eighteen or twenty years; something more than to grow to the physical
stature of women; something more than to wear flounces, exhibit dry goods,
sport jewelry, catch the gaze of lewd-eyed men; {27} something more than to
be a belle, a wife, or a mother. Put all these qualifications together and
they do but little toward making a true woman.

2. BEAUTY AND STYLE are not the surest passports to womanhood--some of the
noblest specimens of womanhood that the world has ever seen have presented
the plainest and most unprepossessing appearance. A woman's worth is to be
estimated by the real goodness of her heart, the greatness of her soul, and
the purity and sweetness of her character; and a woman with a kindly
disposition and well-balanced temper is both lovely and attractive, be her
face ever so plain, and her figure ever so homely; she makes the best of
wives and the truest of mothers.

3. BEAUTY IS A DANGEROUS GIFT.--It is even so. Like wealth, it has ruined
its thousands. Thousands of the most beautiful women are destitute of
common sense and common humanity. No gift from heaven is so general and so
widely abused by woman as the gift of beauty. In about nine cases in ten it
makes her silly, senseless, thoughtless, giddy, vain, proud, frivolous,
selfish, low and mean. I think I have seen more girls spoiled by beauty
than by any other one thing. "She is beautiful, and she knows it," is as
much as to say that she is spoiled. A beautiful girl is very likely to
believe she was made to be looked at; and so she sets herself up for a show
at every window, in every door, on every corner of the street, in every
company at which opportunity offers for an exhibition of herself.

4. BEWARE OF BEAUTIFUL WOMEN.--These facts have long since taught sensible
men to beware of beautiful women--to sound them carefully before they give
them their confidence. Beauty is shallow--only skin deep; fleeting--only
for a few years' reign; dangerous--tempting to vanity and lightness of
mind; deceitful--dazzling often to bewilder; weak--reigning only to ruin;
gross--leading often to sensual pleasure. And yet we say it need not be so.
Beauty is lovely and ought to be innocently possessed. It has charms which
ought to be used for good purposes. It is a delightful gift, which ought to
be received with gratitude and worn with grace and meekness. It should
always minister to inward beauty. Every woman of beautiful form and
features should cultivate a beautiful mind and heart.

5. RIVAL THE BOYS.--We want the girls to rival the boys in all that is
good, and refined, and ennobling. We want them to rival the boys, as they
well can, in learning, in understanding, in virtues; in all noble qualities
of mind and heart, but not in any of those things that have caused them,
justly or unjustly, to be described as savages. We want {28} the girls to
be gentle--not weak, but gentle, and kind and affectionate. We want to be
sure, that wherever a girl is, there should be a sweet, subduing and
harmonizing influence of purity, and truth, and love, pervading and
hallowing, from center to circumference, the entire circle in which she
moves. If the boys are savages, we want her to be their civilizer. We want
her to tame them, to subdue their ferocity, to soften their manners, and to
teach them all needful lessons of order, sobriety, and meekness, and
patience, and goodness.

6. KINDNESS.--Kindness is the ornament of man--it is the chief glory of
woman--it is, indeed, woman's true prerogative--her sceptre and her crown.
It is the sword with which she conquers, and the charm with which she
captivates.

7. ADMIRED AND BELOVED.--Young lady, would you be admired and beloved?
Would you be an ornament to your sex, and a blessing to your race?
Cultivate this heavenly virtue. Wealth may surround you with its
blandishments, and beauty, and learning, or talents, may give you admirers,
but love and kindness alone can captivate the heart. Whether you live in a
cottage or a palace, these graces can surround you with perpetual sunshine,
making you, and all around you, happy.

8. INWARD GRACE.--Seek ye then, fair daughters, the possession of that
inward grace, whose essence shall permeate and vitalize the affections,
adorn the countenance, make mellifluous the voice, and impart a hallowed
beauty even to your motions. Not merely that you may be loved, would I urge
this, but that you may, in truth, be lovely--that loveliness which fades
not with time, nor is marred or alienated by disease, but which neither
chance nor change can in any way despoil.

9. SILKEN ENTICEMENTS OF THE STRANGER.--We urge you, gentle maiden, to
beware of the silken enticements of the stranger, until your love is
confirmed by protracted acquaintance. Shun the idler, though his coffers
overflow with pelf. Avoid the irreverent--the scoffer of hallowed things;
and him who "looks upon the wine while it is red;" him too, "who hath a
high look and a proud heart," and who "privily slandereth his neighbor." Do
not heed the specious prattle about "first love," and so place,
irrevocably, the seal upon your future destiny, before you have sounded, in
silence and secrecy, the deep fountains of your own heart. Wait, rather,
until your own character and that of him who would woo you, is more fully
developed. Surely, if this "first love" cannot endure a short probation,
fortified by "the {29} pleasures of hope," how can it be expected to
survive years of intimacy, scenes of trial, distracting cares, wasting
sickness, and all the homely routine of practical life? Yet it is these
that constitute life, and the love that cannot abide them is false and must
die.

       *       *       *       *       *


{30}

Influence of Female Character.

[Illustration: ROMAN LADIES.]

1. MORAL EFFECT.--It is in its moral effect on the mind and the heart of
man, that the influence of woman is most powerful and important. In the
diversity of tastes, habits, inclinations, and pursuits of the two sexes,
is found a most beneficent provision for controlling the force and
extravagance of human passion. The objects which most strongly seize and
stimulate the mind of man, rarely act at the same time and with equal power
on the mind of woman. She is naturally better, purer, and more chaste in
thought and language.

2. FEMALE CHARACTER.--But the influence of female character on the virtue
of men, is not seen merely in restraining and softening the violence of
human passion. To her is mainly committed the task of pouring into the
opening mind of infancy its first impressions of duty, and of stamping on
its susceptible heart the first image of its God. Who will not confess the
influence of a mother in forming the heart of a child? What man is there
who can not trace the origin of many of the best maxims of his life to the
lips of her who gave him birth? How wide, how lasting, how sacred is that
part of a woman's influence.

3. VIRTUE OF A COMMUNITY.--There is yet another mode, by which woman may
exert a powerful influence on the virtue of a community. It rests with her
in a pre-eminent degree, to give tone and elevation to the moral character
of the age, by deciding the degree of virtue that shall be necessary to
afford a passport to her society. If all the favor of woman were given only
to the good, if it were known that the charms and attractions of beauty,
and wisdom, and wit, were reserved only for the pure; if, in one word,
something of a similar rigor were exerted to exclude the profligate and
abandoned of society, as is shown to those who have fallen from
virtue,--how much would be done to re-enforce the motives to moral purity
among us, and impress on the minds of all a reverence for the sanctity and
obligations of virtue.

4. THE INFLUENCE OF WOMAN ON THE MORAL SENTIMENTS.--The influence of woman
on the moral sentiments of society is intimately connected with her
influence on its religious character; for religion and a pure and elevated
morality must ever stand in the relation to each other of effect and cause.
The heart of a woman is formed for the abode of sacred truth; and for the
reasons alike honorable to her character and to that of society. From the
nature of humanity this must be so, or the race would soon degenerate, and
moral contagion eat out the heart of society. The purity of home is the
safeguard to American manhood.

       *       *       *       *       *


{31}

Personal Purity.

 "Self-reverence, self-knowledge, self-control,
  These three alone lead life to sovereign power."--TENNYSON.

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration]

1. WORDS OF THE GREAT TEACHER.--Mark the words of the Great Teacher: "If
thy right hand or foot cause thee to fall, cut it off and cast it from
thee. If thy right eye cause thee to fall, pluck it out. It is better for
thee to enter into life maimed and halt, than having two eyes to be cast
into hell-fire, where the worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched."

2. A MELANCHOLY FACT.--It is a melancholy fact, in human experience, that
the noblest gifts which men possess are constantly prostituted to other
purposes than those for which they are designed. The most valuable and
useful organs of the body are those which are capable of the greatest
dishonor, abuse, and corruption. What a snare the wonderful organism of the
eye may become, when used to read corrupt books, or to look upon licentious
pictures, or vulgar theater scenes, or when used to meet the fascinating
gaze of the harlot! What an instrument for depraving the whole man may be
found in the matchless powers of the brain, the hand, the mouth, or the
tongue! What potent instruments may these become in accomplishing the ruin
of the whole being, for time and eternity! {32}

3. ABSTINENCE.--Some can testify with thankfulness that they never knew the
sins of gambling, drunkenness, fornication, or adultery. In all these cases
abstinence has been, and continues to be, liberty. Restraint is the noblest
freedom. No man can affirm that self-denial ever injured him; on the
contrary, self-restraint has been liberty, strength and blessing. Solemnly
ask young men to remember this when temptation and passion strive as a
floodtide to move them from the anchorage and peace of self-restraint.
Beware of the deceitful stream of temporary gratification, whose eddying
current drifts towards license, shame, disease and death. Remember how
quickly moral power declines, how rapidly the edge of the fatal maelstrom
is reached, how near the vortex, how terrible the penalty, how fearful the
sentence of everlasting punishment!

4. FRANK DISCUSSION.--The time has arrived for a full and frank discussion
of those things which affect the personal purity. Thousands are suffering
to-day from various weaknesses, the causes of which they have never
learned. Manly vigor is not increasing with that rapidity which a Christian
age demands. Means of dissipation are on the increase. It is high time,
therefore, that every lover of the race should call a halt, and inquire
into the condition of things. Excessive modesty on this subject is not
virtue. Timidity in presenting unpleasant but important truths has
permitted untold damage in every age.

5. MAN IS A CARELESS BEING.--He is very much inclined to sinful things. He
more often does that which is wrong than that which is right, because it is
easier, and, for the moment, perhaps, more satisfying to the flesh. The
Creator is often blamed for man's weaknesses and inconsistencies. This is
wrong. God did not intend that we should be mere machines, but free moral
agents. We are privileged to choose between good and evil. Hence, if we
perseveringly choose the latter, and make a miserable failure of life, we
should blame only ourselves.

6. THE PULPIT.--Would that every pulpit in the land might join hands with
the medical profession and cry out with no uncertain sound against the
mighty evils herein stigmatized! It would work a revolution for which
coming society could never cease to be grateful.

7. STRIVE TO ATTAIN A HIGHER LIFE.--Strive to attain unto a higher and
better life. Beware of all excesses, of whatever nature, and guard your
personal purity with sacred determination. Let every aspiration be upward,
and be strong in every good resolution. Seek the light, for in light there
is life, while in darkness there is decay and death. {33}

[Illustration: CONFIDENCE THAT SOMETIMES MAKES TROUBLE.]

       *       *       *       *       *


{34}

How to Write All Kinds of Letters.

[Illustration]

1. From the President in his cabinet to the laborer in the street; from the
lady in her parlor to the servant in her kitchen; from the millionaire to
the beggar; from the emigrant to the settler; from every country and under
every combination of circumstances, letter writing in all its forms and
varieties is most important to the advancement, welfare and happiness of
the human family.

2. EDUCATION.---The art of conveying thought through the medium of written
language is so valuable and so necessary, a thorough knowledge of the
practice must be desirable to every one. For merely to write a good letter
requires the exercise of much of the education and talent of any writer.

3. A GOOD LETTER.--A good letter must be correct in every mechanical
detail, finished in style, interesting in substance, and intelligible in
construction. Few there are who do not need write them; yet a letter
perfect in detail is rarer than any other specimen of composition.

4. PENMANSHIP.--It is folly to suppose that the faculty for writing a good
hand is confined to any particular persons. There is no one who can write
at all, but what can write well, if only the necessary pains are practiced.
Practice makes perfect. Secure a few copy books and write an hour each day.
You will soon write a good hand. {35}

5. WRITE PLAINLY.--Every word of even the most trifling document should be
written in such clear characters that it would be impossible to mistake it
for another word, or the writer may find himself in the position of the
Eastern merchant who, writing to the Indies for five thousand mangoes,
received by the next vessel five hundred monkies, with a promise of more in
the next cargo.

6. HASTE.--Hurry is no excuse for bad writing, because any one of sense
knows that everything hurried is liable to be ruined. Dispatch may be
acquired, but hurry will ruin everything. If, however, you must write
slowly to write well, then be careful not to hurry at all, for the few
moments you will gain by rapid writing will never compensate you for the
disgrace of sending an ill-written letter.

7. NEATNESS.--Neatness is also of great importance. A fair white sheet with
handsomely written words will be more welcome to any reader than a blotted,
bedaubed page covered with erasures and dirt, even if the matter in each be
of equal value and interest. Erasures, blots, interlineations always spoil
the beauty of any letter.

8. BAD SPELLING.--When those who from faulty education, or forgetfulness
are doubtful about the correct spelling of any word, it is best to keep a
dictionary at hand, and refer to it upon such occasions. It is far better
to spend a few moments in seeking for a doubtful word, than to dispatch an
ill-spelled letter, and the search will probably impress the spelling upon
the mind for a future occasion.

9. CARELESSNESS.--Incorrect spelling will expose the most important or
interesting letter to the severest sarcasm and ridicule. However perfect in
all other respects, no epistle that is badly spelled will be regarded as
the work of an educated gentleman or lady. Carelessness will never be
considered, and to be ignorant of spelling is to expose an imperfect
education at once.

10. AN EXCELLENT PRACTICE.--After writing a letter, read it over carefully,
correct all the errors and re-write it. If you desire to become a good
letter writer, improve your penmanship, improve your language and grammar,
re-writing once or twice every letter that you have occasion to write,
whether on social or business subjects.

11. PUNCTUATION.--A good rule for punctuation is to punctuate where the
sense requires it, after writing a letter and reading it over carefully you
will see where the punctuation marks are required, you can readily
determine where the sense requires it, so that your letter will convey the
desired meaning. {36}

[Illustration]

12. CORRESPONDENCE.--There is no better school or better source for
self-improvement than a pleasant correspondence between friends. It is not
at all difficult to secure a good list of correspondents if desired. The
young people who take advantage of such opportunities for self-improvement
will be much more popular in the community and in society. Letter writing
cultivates the habit of study; it cultivates the mind, the heart, and
stimulates self-improvement in general.

13. FOLDING.--Another bad practice with those unaccustomed to corresponding
is to fold the sheet of writing in such a fantastic manner as to cause the
receiver much annoyance in opening it. To the sender it may appear a very
ingenious performance, but to the receiver it is only a source of vexation
and annoyance, and may prevent the communication receiving the attention it
would otherwise merit.

14. SIMPLE STYLE.--The style of letter writing should be simple and
unaffected, not raised on stilts and indulging in pedantic displays which
are mostly regarded as cloaks of ignorance. Repeated literary quotations,
involved sentences, long-sounding words and scraps of Latin, French and
other languages are, generally speaking, out of place, and should not be
indulged in.

15. THE RESULT.--A well written letter has opened the way to prosperity for
many a one, has led to many a happy marriage and constant friendship, and
has secured many a good service in time of need; for it is in some measure
a photograph of the writer, and may inspire love or hatred, regard or
aversion in the reader, just as the glimpse of a portrait often determine
us, in our estimate, of the worth of the person represented. Therefore, one
of the roads to fortune runs through the ink bottle, and if we want to
attain a certain end in love, friendship or business, we must trace out the
route correctly with the pen in our hand.

{37}

[Illustration]

HOW TO WRITE A LOVE LETTER.

1. LOVE.--There is no greater or more profound reality than love. Why that
reality should be obscured by mere sentimentalism, with all its train of
absurdities is incomprehensible. There is no nobler possession than the
love of another. There is no higher gift from one human being to another
than love. The gift and the possession are true sanctifiers of life, and
should be worn as precious jewels without affectation and without
bashfulness. For this reason there is nothing to be ashamed of in a love
letter, provided it be sincere.

2. FORFEITS.--No man need consider that he forfeits dignity if he speaks
with his whole heart: no woman need fear she forfeits her womanly
attributes if she responds as her heart bids her respond. "Perfect love
casteth out fear" is as true now as when the maxim was first given to the
world.

3. TELLING THEIR LOVE.--The generality of the sex is love to be loved: how
are they to know the fact that they {38} are loved unless they are told? To
write a sensible love letter requires more talent than to solve, with your
pen, a profound problem in philosophy. Lovers must not then expect much
from each other's epistles.

4. CONFIDENTIAL.--Ladies and gentlemen who correspond with each other
should never be guilty of exposing any of the contents of any letters
written expressing confidence, attachment or love. The man who confides in
a lady and honors her with his confidence should be treated with perfect
security and respect, and those who delight in showing their confidential
letters to others are unworthy, heartless and unsafe companions.

5. RETURN OF LETTERS.--If letters were written under circumstances which no
longer exist and all confidential relations are at an end, then all letters
should be promptly returned.

6. HOW TO BEGIN A LOVE LETTER.--How to begin a love letter has been no
doubt the problem of lovers and suitors of all ages and nations. Fancy the
youth of Young America with lifted pen, thinking how he shall address his
beloved. Much depends upon this letter. What shall he say, and how shall he
say it, is the great question. Perseverance, however, will solve the
problem and determine results.

7. FORMS OF BEGINNING A LOVE LETTER.--Never say, "My Dearest Nellie," "My
Adored Nellie," or "My Darling Nellie," until Nellie has first called you
"My Dear," or has given you to understand that such familiar terms are
permissible. As a rule a gentleman will never err if he says "Dear Miss
Nellie," and if the letters are cordially reciprocated the "Miss" may in
time be omitted, or other familiar terms used instead. In addressing a
widow "Dear Madam," or, "My Dear Madam," will be a proper form until
sufficient intimacy will justify the use of other terms.

8. RESPECT.--A lady must always be treated with respectful delicacy, and a
gentleman should never use the term "Dear" or "My Dear" under any
circumstances unless he knows it is perfectly acceptable or a long and
friendly acquaintance justifies it.

9. HOW TO FINISH A LETTER.--A letter will be suggested by the remarks on
how to begin one. "Yours respectfully," "Yours truly," "Yours sincerely,"
"Yours affectionately," "Yours ever affectionately," "Yours most
affectionately," "Ever yours," "Ever your own," or "Yours," are all
appropriate, each depending upon the beginning of the letter. It is
difficult to see any phrase which could be added to them which would carry
more meaning than they {39} contain. People can sign themselves "adorers"
and such like, but they do so at the peril of good taste. It is not good
that men or women "worship" each other--if they succeed in preserving
reciprocal love and esteem they will have cause for great contentment.

10. PERMISSION.--No young man should ever write to a young lady any letter,
formal or informal, unless he has first sought her permission to do so.

11. SPECIAL FORMS.--We give various forms or models of love letters to be
_studied, not copied_. We have given no replies to the forms given, as
every letter written will naturally suggest an answer. A careful study will
be a great help to many who have not enjoyed the advantages of a literary
education.

[Illustration]

_FORMS OF SOCIAL LETTERS._

       *       *       *       *       *

_1.--From a Young Lady to a Clergyman Asking a Recommendation._

Nantwich, May 18th, 1894.

Reverend and Dear Sir:

Having seen an advertisment for a school mistress in the Daily Times, I
have been recommended to offer myself as a candidate. Will you kindly favor
me {40} with a testimonial as to my character, ability and conduct while at
Boston Normal School? Should you consider that I am fitted for the
position, you would confer a great favor on me if you would interest
yourself in my behalf.

              I remain, Reverend Sir,
          Your most obedient and humble servant,
                  LAURA B. NICHOLS.

_2.--Applying for a Position as a Teacher of Music._

Scotland, Conn., January 21st, 1894.

Madam:

Seeing your advertisement in The Clarion of to-day, I write to offer my
services as a teacher of music in your family.

I am a graduate of the Peabody Institute, of Baltimore, where I was
thoroughly instructed in instrumental and vocal music.

I refer by permission to Mrs. A. J. Davis, 1922 Walnut Street; Mrs.
Franklin Hill, 2021 Spring Garden Street, and Mrs. William Murray, 1819
Spruce Street, in whose families I have given lessons.

Hoping that you may see fit to employ me, I am,

          Very respectfully yours,
                  NELLIE REYNOLDS.

_3.--Applying for a Situation as a Cook._

Charlton Place, September 8th, 1894.

Madam:

Having seen your advertisement for a cook in today's Times, I beg to offer
myself for your place. I am a thorough cook. I can make clear soups,
entrees, jellies, and all kinds of made dishes. I can bake, and am also
used to a dairy. My wages are $4 per week, and I can give good reference
from my last place, in which I lived for two years. I am thirty-three years
of age.

          I remain, Madam,
              Yours very respectfully,
                  MARY MOONEY.

_4.--Recommending a School Teacher._

Ottawa, Ill., February 10th, 1894.

Col. Geo. H. Haight,
President Board of Trustees, etc.

Dear Sir: I take pleasure in recommending to your favorable consideration
the application of Miss Hannah Alexander for the position of teacher in the
public school at Weymouth. {41}

Miss Alexander is a graduate of the Davidson Seminary, and for the past
year has taught a school in this place. My children have been among her
pupils, and their progress has been entirely satisfactory to me.

Miss Alexander is a strict disciplinarian, an excellent teacher, and is
thoroughly competent to conduct the school for which she applies.

Trusting that you may see fit to bestow upon her the appointment she seeks,
I am,

          Yours very respectfully,
                  ALICE MILLER.

_5.--A Business Introduction._

Chicago., Ill., May 1st, 1894.

J. W. Brown,
Earlville, Ill.

My Dear Sir: This will introduce to you Mr. William Channing, of this city,
who visits Earlville on a matter of business, which he will explain to you
in person. You can rely upon his statements, as he is a gentleman of high
character, and should you be able to render him any assistance, it would be
greatly appreciated by

          Yours truly,
                  HAIGHT LARABEE.

_6.--Introducing One Lady to Another._

Dundee, Tenn., May 5th, 1894.

Dear Mary:

Allow me to introduce to you my ever dear friend, Miss Nellie Reynolds, the
bearer of this letter. You have heard me speak of her so often that you
will know at once who she is. As I am sure you will be mutually pleased
with each other, I have asked her to inform you of her presence in your
city. Any attention you may show her will be highly appreciated by

          Yours affectionately,
                  LIZZIE EICHER.

_7.--To a Lady, Apologizing for a Broken Engagement._

Albany, N. Y., May 10th, 1894.

My Dear Miss Lee:

Permit me to explain my failure to keep my appointment with you this
evening. I was on my way to your house, with the assurance of a pleasant
evening, when unfortunately I was very unexpectedly called from home on
very important business.

I regret my disappointment, but hope that the future may afford us many
pleasant meetings.

          Sincerely your friend,
                  IRVING GOODRICH.

{42}

_8.--Form of an Excuse for a Pupil._

Thursday Morning, April 4th.

Mr. Bunnel:

You will please excuse William for non-attendance at school yesterday, as I
was compelled to keep him at home to attend to a matter of business.

                  MRS. A. SMITH.

_9.--Form of Letter Accompanying a Present._

Louisville, July 6, 1894.

My Dearest Nelly:

Many happy returns of the day. So fearful was I that it would escape your
memory, that I thought I would send you this little trinket by way of
reminder. I beg you to accept it and wear it for the sake of the giver.
With love and best wishes.

          Believe me ever, your sincere friend,
                  CAROLINE COLLINS.

_10.--Returning Thanks for the Present._

Louisville, July 6, 1894.

Dear Mrs. Collins:

I am very much obliged to you for the handsome bracelet you have sent me.
How kind and thoughtful it was of you to remember me on my birthday. I am
sure I have every cause to bless the day, and did I forget it, I have many
kind friends to remind me of it. Again thanking you for your present, which
is far too beautiful for me, and also for your kind wishes.

          Believe me, your most grateful
                  BERTHA SMITH.

_11.--Congratulating a Friend Upon His Marriage._

Menton, N.Y., May 24th, 1894.

My Dear Everett:

I have to-day received the invitation to your wedding, and as I cannot be
present at that happy event to offer my congratulations in person, I write.

I am heartily glad you are going to be married, and congratulate you upon
the wisdom of your choice. You have won a noble as well as a beautiful
woman, and one whose love will make you a happy man to your life's end. May
God grant that trouble may not come near you, but should it be your lot,
you will have a wife to whom you can look with confidence for comfort, and
whose good sense and devotion to you will be your sure and unfailing
support.

That you may both be very happy, and that your happiness may increase with
your years, is the prayer of

          Your Friend,
                  FRANK HOWARD.

{43}

[Illustration: Declaration of Affection]

Any extravagant flattery should be avoided, both as tending to disgust
those to whom it is addressed, as well as to degrade the writers, and to
create suspicion as to their sincerity. The sentiments should spring from
the tenderness of the heart, and, when faithfully and delicately expressed,
will never be read without exciting sympathy or emotion in all hearts not
absolutely deadened by insensibility.

{44}

[Illustration]

_FORMS OF LOVE LETTERS._

_12.--An Ardent Declaration._.

Naperville, Ill., June 10th, 1894.

My Dearest Laura:

I can no longer restrain myself from writing to you, dearest and best of
girls, what I have often been on the point of saying to you. I love you so
much that I cannot find words in which to express my feelings. I have loved
you from the very first day we met, and always shall. Do you blame me
because I write so freely? I should be unworthy of you if I did not tell
you the whole truth. Oh, Laura, can you love me in return? I am sure I
shall not be able to bear it if your answer is unfavorable. I will study
your every wish if you will give me the right to do so. May I hope? Send
just one kind word to your sincere friend,

              HARRY SMITH.

_13.--A Lover's Good-bye Before Starting on a Journey._

Pearl St., New York, March 11th, 1894.

My Dearest Nellie: I am off to-morrow, and yet not altogether, for I leave
my heart behind in your gentle keeping. You need not place a guard over it,
however, for it is as impossible that it should stay away, as for a bit of
steel {45} to rush from a magnet. The simile is eminently correct, for you,
my dear girl, are a magnet, and my heart is as true to you as steel. I
shall make my absence as brief as possible. Not a day, not an hour, not a
minute, shall I waste either in going or returning. Oh, this business; but
I won't complain, for we must have something for our hive besides
honey--something that rhymes with it--and that we must have it, I must
bestir myself. You will find me a faithful correspondent. Like the spider,
I shall drop a line by (almost) every post; and mind, you must give me
letter for letter. I can't give you credit. Your returns must be prompt and
punctual.

          Passionately yours,
                  LEWIS SHUMAN.

To Miss Nellie Carter,
No. ---- Fifth Avenue, New York.

_14.--From an Absent Lover._

Chicago, Ill., Sept. 10, 1894.

My Dearest Kate: This sheet of paper, though I should cover it with loving
words, could never tell you truly how I long to see you again. Time does
not run on with me now at the same pace as with other people; the hours
seem days, the days weeks, while I am absent from you, and I have no faith
in the accuracy of clocks and almanacs. Ah! if there were truth in
clairvoyance, wouldn't I be with you at this moment! I wonder if you are as
impatient to see me as I am to fly to you? Sometimes it seems as if I must
leave business and everything else to the Fates, and take the first train
to Dawson. However, the hours do move, though they don't appear to, and in
a few more weeks we shall meet again. Let me hear from you as frequently as
possible in the meantime. Tell me of your health, your amusements and your
affections.

Remember that every word you write will be a comfort to me.

          Unchangeably yours,
                  WILLIAM MILLER.

To Miss Kate Martin,
Dawson, N. D.

_15.--A Declaration of Love at First Sight_.

Waterford, Maine, May 8th, 1894.

Dear Miss Searles:

Although I have been in your society but once, the impression you have made
upon me is so deep and powerful that I cannot forbear writing to you, in
defiance of all rules of etiquette. Affection is sometimes of slow growth:
{46} but sometimes it springs up in a moment. In half an hour after I was
introduced to you my heart was no longer my own. I have not the assurance
to suppose that I have been fortunate enough to create any interest in
yours; but will you allow me to cultivate your acquaintance in the hope of
being able to win your regard in the course of time? Petitioning for a few
lines in reply,

          I remain, dear Miss Searles,
              Yours devotedly,
                  E. C. NICKS.

Miss E. Searles,
Waterford, Maine.

_16.--Proposing Marriage._

Wednesday, October 20th, 1894.

Dearest Etta:

The delightful hours I have passed in your society have left an impression
on my mind that is altogether indelible, and cannot be effaced even by time
itself. The frequent opportunities I have possessed, of observing the
thousand acts of amiability and kindness which mark the daily tenor of your
life, have ripened my feelings of affectionate regard into a passion at
once ardent and sincere, until I have at length associated my hopes of
future happiness with the idea of you as a life partner, in them. Believe
me, dearest Etta, this is no puerile fancy, but the matured results of a
long and warmly cherished admiration of your many charms of person and
mind. It is love--pure, devoted love, and I feel confident that your
knowledge of my character will lead you to ascribe my motives to their true
source.

May I then implore you to consult your own heart, and should this avowal of
my fervent and honorable passion for you be crowned with your acceptance
and approval, to grant me permission to refer the matter to your parents.
Anxiously awaiting your answer,

          I am, dearest Etta,
              Your sincere and faithful lover,
                  GEO. COURTRIGHT.

To Miss Etta Jay,
Malden, Ill.

{47}

_17.--From a Gentleman to a Widow._

Philadelphia, May 10th, 1894.

My Dear Mrs. Freeman:

I am sure you are too clear-sighted not to have observed the profound
impression which your amiable qualities, intelligence and personal
attractions have made upon my heart, and as you have not repelled my
attentions nor manifested displeasure when I ventured to hint at the deep
interest I felt in your welfare and happiness, I cannot help hoping that
you will receive an explicit expression of my attachments, kindly and
favorably. I wish it were in my power to clothe the feelings I entertain
for you in such words as should make my pleadings irresistible; but, after
all, what could I say, more than you are very dear to me, and that the most
earnest desire of my soul is to have the privilege of calling you my wife?
Do you, can you love me? You will not, I am certain, keep me in suspense,
for you are too good and kind to trifle for a moment with sincerity like
mine. Awaiting your answer,

          I remain with respectful affection,
              Ever yours,
                  HENRY MURRAY.

Mrs. Julia Freeman,
Philadelphia.

_18.--From a Lady to an Inconstant Lover._

Dear Harry:

It is with great reluctance that I enter upon a subject which has given me
great pain, and upon which silence has become impossible if I would
preserve my self-respect. You cannot but be aware that I have just reason
for saying that you have much displeased me. You have apparently forgotten
what is due to me, circumstanced as we are, thus far at least. You cannot
suppose that I can tamely see you disregard my feelings, by conduct toward
other ladies from which I should naturally have the right to expect you to
abstain. I am not so vulgar a person as to be jealous. When there is cause
to infer changed feelings, or unfaithfulness to promises of constancy,
jealousy is not the remedy. What the remedy is I need not say--we both of
us have it in our hands. I am sure you will agree with me that we must come
to some understanding by which the future shall be governed. Neither you
nor I can bear a divided allegiance. Believe me that I write more in sorrow
than in anger. You have made me very unhappy, and perhaps thoughtlessly.
But it will take much to reassure me of your unaltered regard.

          Yours truly,
              EMMA.

       *       *       *       *       *


{48}

[Illustration: MODESTY.
ACT NATURAL AND SPEAK WELL OF ALL PEOPLE.]

       *       *       *       *       *


{49}

Hints and Helps on Good Behavior at all Times and at all Places.

[Illustration: THE HUMAN FACE, LIKE A FLOWER, SPEAKS FOR ITSELF.]

1. It takes acquaintance to found a noble esteem, but politeness prepares
the way. Indeed, as Montaigne says, Courtesy begets esteem at sight.
Urbanity is half of affability, and affability is a charm worth possessing.

2. A pleasing demeanor is often the scales by which the pagan weighs the
Christian. It is not virtue, but virtue inspires it. There are
circumstances in which it takes a great and strong soul to pass under the
little yoke of courtesy, but it is a passport to a greater soul standard.

3. Matthew Arnold says, "Conduct is three-fourths of character," and
Christian benignity draws the line for conduct. A high sense of rectitude,
a lowly soul, with a pure and kind {50} heart are elements of nobility
which will work out in the life of a human being at home--everywhere.
"Private refinement makes public gentility."

4. If you would conciliate the favor of men, rule your resentment. Remember
that if you permit revenge or malice to occupy your soul, you are ruined.

5. Cultivate a happy temper; banish the blues; a cheerful saguine spirit
begets cheer and hope.

6. Be trustworthy and be trustful.

7. Do not place a light estimate upon the arts of good reading and good
expression; they will yield perpetual interest.

8. Study to keep versed in world events as well as in local occurrences,
but abhor gossip, and above all scandal.

9. Banish a self-conscience spirit--the source of much awkwardness--with a
constant aim to make others happy. Remember that it is incumbent upon
gentlemen and ladies alike to be neat in habits.

10. The following is said to be a correct posture for walking. Head
erect--not too rigid--chin in, shoulders back. Permit no unnecessary motion
about the thighs. Do not lean over to one side in walking, standing or
sitting; the practice is not only ungraceful, but it is deforming and
therefore unhealthful.

11. Beware of affectation and of Beau Brummel airs.

12. If the hands are allowed to swing in walking, the arc should be
limited, and the lady will manage them much more gracefully, if they almost
touch the clothing.

13. A lady should not stand with her hands behind her. We could almost say,
forget the hands except to keep them clean, including the nails, cordial
and helpful. One hand may rest easily in the other. Study repose of
attitude here as well as in the rest of the body.

14. Gestures are for emphasis in public speaking; do not point elsewhere,
as a rule.

15. Greet your acquaintances as you meet them with a slight bow and smile,
as you speak.

16. Look the person to whom you speak in the eye. Never under any
circumstances wink at another or communicate by furtive looks.

17. Should you chance to be the rejected suitor of a lady, bear in mind
your own self-respect, as well as the inexorable laws {51} of society, and
bow politely when you meet her. Reflect that you do not stand before all
woman-kind as you do at her bar. Do not resent the bitterness of
flirtation. No lady or gentleman will flirt. Remember ever that painful
prediscovery is better than later disappointment. Let such experience spur
you to higher exertion.

18. Discretion should be exercised in introducing persons. Of two gentlemen
who are introduced, if one is superior in rank or age, he is the one to
whom the introduction should be made. Of two social equals, if one be a
stranger in the place, his name should be mentioned first.

19. In general the simpler the introduction the better.

20. Before introducing a gentleman to a lady, remember that she is entitled
to hold you responsible for the acquaintance. The lady is the one to whom
the gentleman is presented, which may be done thus: "Miss A, permit me to
introduce to you my friend, Mr. B."; or, "Miss A., allow me to introduce
Mr. B." If mutual and near friends of yours, say simply, "Miss A., Mr. B."

21. Receive the introduction with a slight bow and the acknowledgment,
"Miss A., I am happy to make your acquaintance"; or, "Mr. B., I am pleased
to meet you." There is no reason why such stereotyped expressions should
always be used, but something similar is expected. Do not extend the hand
usually.

22. A true lady will avoid familiarity in her deportment towards gentlemen.
A young lady should not permit her gentlemen friends to address her by her
home name, and the reverse is true. Use the title Miss and Mr.
respectively.

23. Ladies should be frank and cordial towards their lady friends, but
never gushing.

24. Should you meet a friend twice or oftener, at short intervals, it is
polite to bow slightly each time after the first.

25. A lady on meeting a gentleman with whom she has slight acquaintance
will make a medium bow--neither too decided nor too slight or stiff.

26. For a gentleman to take a young lady's arm, is to intimate that she is
feeble, and young ladies resent the mode.

27. If a young lady desires to visit any public place where she expects to
meet a gentleman acquaintance, she should have a chaperon to accompany her,
a person of mature years when possible, and never a giddy girl.

28. A lady should not ask a gentleman to walk with her.

       *       *       *       *       *


{52}

[Illustration]

A COMPLETE ETIQUETTE IN A FEW PRACTICAL RULES.

_1. If you desire to be respected, keep clean. The finest attire and
decorations will add nothing to the appearance or beauty of an untidy
person._

_2. Clean clothing, clean skin, clean hands, including the nails, and
clean, white teeth, are a requisite passport for good society._

_3. A bad breath should be carefully remedied, whether it proceeds from the
stomach or from decayed teeth._

_4. To pick the nose, finger about the ears, or scratch the head or any
other part of the person, in company, is decidedly vulgar._

_5. When you call at any private residence, do not neglect to clean your
shoes thoroughly._

_6. A gentleman should always remove his hat in the presence of ladies,
except out of doors, and then he should lift or touch his hat in
salutation. On meeting a lady a well-bred gentleman will always lift his
hat._

_7. An invitation to a lecture, concert, or other entertainment, may be
either verbal or written, but should always be made at least twenty-four
hours before the time._ {53}

_8. On entering a hall or church the gentleman should precede the lady in
walking up the aisle, or walk by her side, if the aisle is broad enough._

_9. A gentleman should always precede a lady upstairs, and follow her
downstairs._

_10. Visitors should always observe the customs of the church with
reference to standing, sitting, or kneeling during the services._

_11. On leaving a hall or church at the close of entertainment or services,
the gentleman should precede the lady._

_12. A gentleman walking with a lady should carry the parcels, and never
allow the lady to be burdened with anything of the kind._

_13. A gentleman meeting a lady on the street and wishing to speak to her,
should never detain her, but may turn around and walk in the same direction
she is going, until the conversation is completed._

_14. If a lady is traveling with a gentleman, simply as a friend, she
should place the amount of her expenses in his hands, or insist on paying
the bills herself._

_15. Never offer a lady costly gifts unless you are engaged to her, for it
looks as if you were trying to purchase her goodwill; and when you make a
present to a lady use no ceremony whatever._

[Illustration: Children should early be taught the lesson of Propriety and
Good Manners.]

_16. Never carry on a private conversation in company. If secrecy is
necessary, withdraw from the company._

_17. Never sit with your back to another without asking to be excused._

_18. It is as unbecoming for a gentleman to sit with legs crossed as it is
for a lady._

_19. Never thrum with your fingers, rub your hands, yawn, or sigh aloud in
company._

_20. Loud laughter, loud talking, or other boisterous manifestations should
be checked in the society of others, especially on the street and in public
places._ {54}

_21. When you are asked to sing or play in company, do so without being
urged, or refuse in a way that shall be final; and when music is being
rendered in company, show politeness to the musician by giving attention.
It is very impolite to keep up a conversation. If you do not enjoy the
music, keep silent._

_22. Contentions, contradictions, etc., in society should be carefully
avoided._

_23. Pulling out your watch in company, unless asked the time of day, is a
mark of the demi-bred. It looks as if you were tired of the company and the
time dragged heavily._

_24. You should never decline to be introduced to any one or all of the
guests present at a party to which you have been invited._

_25. A gentleman who escorts a lady to a party, or who has a lady placed
under his care, is under particular obligations to attend to her wants and
see that she has proper attention. He should introduce her to others, and
endeavor to make the evening pleasant. He should escort her to the supper
table and provide for her wants._

_26. To take small children or dogs with you on a visit of ceremony is
altogether vulgar, though in visiting familiar friends, children are not
objectionable._

       *       *       *       *       *


{55} [Illustration: AN EGYPTIAN BRIDE'S WEDDING OUTFIT.]

{56}

ETIQUETTE OF CALLS.

[Illustration]

In the matter of making calls it is the correct thing:

For the caller who arrived first to leave first.

To return a first call within a week and in person.

To call promptly and in person after a first invitation.

For the mother or chaperon to invite a gentleman to call.

To call within a week after any entertainment to which one has been
invited.

You should call upon an acquaintance who has recently returned from a
prolonged absence.

It is proper to make the first call upon people in a higher social
position, if one is asked to do so.

It is proper to call, after an engagement has been announced, or a marriage
has taken place, in the family.

For the older residents in the city or street to call upon the newcomers to
their neighborhood is a long recognized custom.

It is proper, after a removal from one part of the city to another, to send
out cards with one's new address upon them.

To ascertain what are the prescribed hours for calling in the place where
one is living, or making a visit, and to adhere to those hours is a duty
that must not be overlooked.

A gentleman should ask for the lady of the house as well as the young
ladies, and leave cards for her as well as for the head of the family. {57}

[Illustration: _Improve Your Speech by Reading._]

       *       *       *       *       *

ETIQUETTE IN YOUR SPEECH.

Don't say Miss or Mister without the person's name.

Don't say pants for trousers.

Don't say gents for gentlemen.

Don't say female for woman.

Don't say elegant to mean everything that pleases you.

Don't say genteel for well-bred.

Don't say ain't for isn't.

Don't say I done it for I did it.

Don't say he is older than me; say older than I.

Don't say she does not see any; say she does not see at all.

Don't say not as I know; say not that I know.

Don't say he calculates to get off; say he expects to get off.

Don't say he don't; say he doesn't.

Don't say she is some better; say she is somewhat better.

Don't say where are you stopping? say where are you staying?

Don't say you was; say you were.

Don't say I say, says I, but simply say I said.

Don't sign your letters yours etc., but yours truly.

Don't say lay for lie; lay expresses action; lie expresses rest.

Don't say them bonnets; say those bonnets.

Don't say party for person.

Don't say it looks beautifully, but say it looks beautiful. {58}

Don't say feller, winder, to-morrer, for fellow, window, tomorrow.

Don't use slangy words; they are vulgar.

Don't use profane words; they are sinful and foolish.

Don't say it was her, when you mean it was she.

Don't say not at once for at once.

Don't say he gave me a recommend, but say he gave me a recommendation.

Don't say the two first for the first two.

Don't say he learnt me French; say he taught me French.

Don't say lit the fire; say lighted the fire.

Don't say the man which you saw; say the man whom you saw.

Don't say who done it; say who did it.

Don't say if I was rich I would buy a carriage; say if I were rich.

Don't say if I am not mistaken you are in the wrong; say if I mistake not.

Don't say who may you be; say who are you?

Don't say go lay down; say go lie down.

Don't say he is taller than me; say taller than I.

Don't say I shall call upon him; say I shall call on him.

Don't say I bought a new pair of shoes; say I bought a pair of new shoes.

Don't say I had rather not; say I would rather not.

Don't say two spoonsful; say two spoonfuls.

       *       *       *       *       *

ETIQUETTE OF DRESS AND HABITS.

Don't let one day pass without a thorough cleansing of your person.

Don't sit down to your evening meal before a complete toilet if you have
company.

Don't cleanse your nails, your nose or your ears in public.

Don't use hair dye, hair oil or pomades.

Don't wear evening dress in daytime.

Don't wear jewelry of a gaudy character; genuine jewelry modestly worn is
not out of place.

Don't overdress yourself or walk affectedly.

Don't wear slippers or dressing-gown or smoking-jacket out of your own
house.

Don't sink your hands in your trousers' pockets.

Don't whistle in public places, nor inside of houses either.

Don't use your fingers or fists to beat a tattoo upon floor, desk or window
panes.

Don't examine other people's papers or letters scattered on their desk.
{59}

Don't bring a smell of spirits or tobacco into the presence of ladies.

Never use either in the presence of ladies.

Don't drink spirits; millions have tried it to their sorrow.

       *       *       *       *       *

ETIQUETTE ON THE STREET.

1. Your conduct on the street should always be modest and dignified. Ladies
should carefully avoid all loud and boisterous conversation or laughter and
all undue liveliness in public.

2. When walking on the street do not permit yourself to be absent-minded,
as to fail to recognize a friend; do not go along reading a book or
newspaper.

3. In walking with a lady on the street give her the inner side of the
walk, unless the outside is the safer part; in which case she is entitled
to it.

4. Your arm should not be given to any lady except your wife or a near
relative, or a very old lady, during the day, unless her comfort or safety
requires it. At night the arm should always be offered; also in ascending
the steps of a public building.

5. In crossing the street a lady should gracefully raise her dress a little
above her ankle with one hand. To raise the dress with both hands is
vulgar, except in places where the mud is very deep.

6. A gentleman meeting a lady acquaintance on the street should not presume
to join her in her walk without first asking her permission.

7. If you have anything to say to a lady whom you may happen to meet in the
street, however intimate you may be, do not stop her, but turn round and
walk in company with her; you can take leave at the end of the street.

8. A lady should not venture out upon the street alone after dark. By so
doing she compromises her dignity, and exposes herself to indignity at the
hands of the rougher class.

9. Never offer to shake hands with a lady in the street if you have on dark
or soiled gloves, as you may soil hers.

10. A lady does not form acquaintances upon the street, or seek to attract
the attention of the other sex or of persons of her own sex. Her conduct is
always modest and unassuming. Neither does a lady demand services or favors
from a gentleman. She accepts them graciously, always {60} expressing her
thanks. A gentleman will not stand on the street corners, or in hotel
doorways, or store windows and gaze impertinently at ladies as they pass
by. This is the exclusive business of loafers.

11. In walking with a lady who has your arm, should you have to cross the
street, do not disengage your arm and go around upon the outside, unless
the lady's comfort renders it necessary. In walking with a lady, where it
is necessary for you to proceed singly, always go before her.

       *       *       *       *       *

ETIQUETTE BETWEEN SEXES.

1. A lady should be a lady, and a gentleman a gentleman under any and all
circumstances.

2. FEMALE INDIFFERENCE TO MAN.--There is nothing that affects the nature
and pleasure of man so much as a proper and friendly recognition from a
lady, and as women are more or less dependent upon man's good-will, either
for gain or pleasure, it surely stands to their interest to be reasonably
pleasant and courteous in his presence or society. Indifference is always a
poor investment, whether in society or business.

3. GALLANTRY AND LADYISM should be a prominent feature in the education of
young people. Politeness to ladies cultivates the intellect and refines the
soul, and he who can be easy and entertaining in the society of ladies has
mastered one of the greatest accomplishments. There is nothing taught in
school, academy or college, that contributes so much to the happiness of
man as a full development of his social and moral qualities.

4. LADYLIKE ETIQUETTE.--No woman can afford to treat men rudely. A lady
must have a high intellectual and moral ideal and hold herself above
reproach. She must remember that the art of pleasing and entertaining
gentlemen is infinitely more ornamental than laces, ribbons or diamonds.
Dress and glitter may please man, but it will never benefit him.

5. CULTIVATE DEFICIENCIES.--Men and women poorly sexed treat each other
with more or less indifference, whereas a hearty sexuality inspires both to
a right estimation of the faculties and qualities of each other. Those who
are deficient should seek society and overcome their deficiencies. While
some naturally inherit faculties as entertainers, others are compelled to
acquire them by cultivation. {61}

[Illustration: ASKING AN HONEST QUESTION.]

6. LADIES' SOCIETY.--He who seeks ladies' society should seek an education
and should have a pure heart and a pure mind. Read good, pure and wholesome
literature and study human nature, and you will always be a favorite in the
society circle.

7. WOMAN HATERS.--Some men with little refinement and strong sensual
feelings virtually insult and thereby disgust and repel every female they
meet. They look upon woman with an inherent vulgarity, and doubt the virtue
and integrity of all alike. But it is because they are generally {62}
insincere and impure themselves, and with such a nature culture and
refinement are out of the question, there must be a revolution.

8. MEN HATERS.--Women who look upon all men as odious, corrupt or hateful,
are no doubt so themselves, though they may be clad in silk and sparkle
with diamonds and be as pretty as a lily; but their hypocrisy will out, and
they can never win the heart of a faithful, conscientious and well balanced
man. A good woman has broad ideas and great sympathy. She respects all men
until they are proven unworthy.

9. FOND OF CHILDREN.--The man who is naturally fond of children will make a
good husband and a good father. So it behooves the young man, to notice
children and cultivate the art of pleasing them. It will be a source of
interest, education and permanent benefit to all.

10. EXCESSIVE LUXURY.--Although the association with ladies is an expensive
luxury, yet it is not an expensive education. It elevates, refines,
sanctifies and purifies, and improves the whole man. A young man who has a
pure and genuine respect for ladies, will not only make a good husband, but
a good citizen as well.

11. MASCULINE ATTENTION.--No woman is entitled to any more attention than
her loveliness and ladylike conduct will command. Those who are most
pleasing will receive the most attention, and those who desire more should
aspire to acquire more by cultivating those graces and virtues which
ennoble woman, but no lady should lower or distort her own true ideal, or
smother and crucify her conscience, in order to please any living man. A
good man will admire a good woman, and deceptions cannot long be concealed.
Her show of dry goods or glitter of jewels cannot long cover up her
imperfections or deceptions.

12. PURITY.--Purity of purpose will solve all social problems. Let all
stand on this exalted sexual platform, and teach every man just how to
treat the female sex, and every woman how to behave towards the masculine;
and it will incomparably adorn the manners of both, make both happy in each
other, and mutually develop each other's sexuality and humanity.

[Illustration]

{63}

Practical Rules on Table Manners.

[Illustration]

1. Help ladies with a due appreciation; do not overload the plate of any
person you serve. Never pour gravy on a plate without permission. It spoils
the meat for some persons.

2. Never put anything by force upon any one's plate. It is extremely
ill-bred, though extremely common, to press one to eat of anything.

3. If at dinner you are requested to help any one to sauce or gravy, do not
pour it over the meat or vegetables, but on one side of them. Never load
down a person's plate with anything.

4. As soon as you are helped, begin to eat, or at least begin to occupy
yourself with what you have before you. Do not wait till your neighbors are
served--a custom that was long ago abandoned.

5. Should you, however, find yourself at a table where they have the
old-fashioned steel forks, eat with your knife, as the others do, and do
not let it be seen that you have any objection to doing so.

6. Bread should be broken. To butter a large piece of bread and then bite
it, as children do, is something the knowing never do. {64}

7. In eating game or poultry do not touch the bones with your fingers. To
take a bone in the fingers for the purpose of picking it, is looked upon as
being very inelegant.

8. Never use your own knife or fork to help another. Use rather the knife
or fork of the person you help.

9. Never send your knife or fork, or either of them, on your plate when you
send for second supply.

10. Never turn your elbows out when you use your knife and fork. Keep them
close to your sides.

11. Whenever you use your fingers to convey anything to your mouth or to
remove anything from the mouth, let it be the fingers of the left hand.

12. Tea, coffee, chocolate and the like are drank from the cup and never
from the saucer.

13. In masticating your food, keep your mouth shut; otherwise you will make
a noise that will be very offensive to those around you.

14. Don't attempt to talk with a full mouth. One thing at a time is as much
as any man can do well.

15. Should you find a worm or insect in your food, say nothing about it.

16. If a dish is distasteful to you, decline it, and without comment.

17. Never put bones or bits of fruit on the table cloth. Put them on the
side of your plate.

18. Do not hesitate to take the last piece on the dish, simply because it
is the last. To do so is to directly express the fear that you would
exhaust the supply.

19. If you would be what you would like to be--abroad, take care that you
_are_ what you would like to be--at home.

20. Avoid picking your teeth at the table if possible; but if you must, do
it, if you can, where you are not observed.

21. If an accident of any kind soever should occur during dinner, the cause
being who or what it may, you should not seem to note it.

22. Should you be so unfortunate as to overturn or to break anything, you
should make no apology. You might let your regret appear in your face, but
it would not be proper to put it in words.

       *       *       *       *       *


{65}

Social Duties.

  Man in Society is like a flower,
  Blown in its native bed. 'Tis there alone
  His faculties expanded in full bloom
  Shine out, there only reach their proper use.--COWPER.

  The primal duties shine aloft like stars;
  The charities that soothe, and heal, and bless,
  Are scatter'd at the feet of man like flowers.--WORDSWORTH.

       *       *       *       *       *

{66}

[Illustration: GIVING A PARLOR RECITATION.]

1. MEMBERSHIP IN SOCIETY.--Many fail to get hold of the idea that they are
members of society. They seem to suppose that the social machinery of the
world is self-operating. They cast their first ballot with an emotion of
pride, perhaps, but are sure to pay their first tax with a groan. They see
political organizations in active existence; the parish, and the church,
and other important bodies that embrace in some form of society all men,
are successfully operated; and yet these young men have no part or lot in
the matter. They do not think of giving a day's time to society.

2. BEGIN EARLY.--One of the first things a young man should do is to see
that he is acting his part in society. The earlier this is begun the
better. I think that the opponents of secret societies in colleges have
failed to estimate the benefit which it must be to every member to be
obliged to contribute to the support of his particular organization, and to
assume personal care and responsibility as a member. If these societies
have a tendency to teach the lessons of which I speak, they are a blessed
thing.

3. DO YOUR PART.--Do your part, and be a man among men. Assume your portion
of social responsibility, and see that you discharge it well. If you do not
do this, then you are mean, and society has the right to despise you just
as much as it chooses to do so. You are, to use a word more emphatic than
agreeable, a sneak, and have not a claim upon your neighbors for a single
polite word.

4. A WHINING COMPLAINER.--Society, as it is called, is far more apt to pay
its dues to the individual than the individual to society. Have you, young
man, who are at home whining over the fact that you cannot get into
society, done anything to give you a claim to social recognition? Are you
able to make any return for social recognition and social privileges? Do
you know anything? What kind of coin do you propose to pay in the discharge
of the obligation which comes upon you with social recognition? In other
words, as a return for what you wish to have society do for you, what can
you do for society? This is a very important question--more important to
you than to society. The question is, whether you will be a member of
society by right, or by courtesy. If you have so mean a spirit as to be
content to be a beneficiary of society--to receive favors and to confer
none--you have no business in the society to which you aspire. You are an
exacting, conceited fellow.

5. WHAT ARE YOU GOOD FOR?--Are you a good beau, and are you willing to make
yourself useful in waiting on the {67} ladies on all occasions? Have you a
good set of teeth, which you are willing to show whenever the wit of the
company gets off a good thing? Are you a true, straightforward, manly
fellow, with whose healthful and uncorrupted nature it is good for society
to come in contact? In short, do you possess anything of any social value?
If you do, and are willing to impart it, society will yield itself to your
touch. If you have nothing, then society, as such, owes you nothing.
Christian philanthropy may put its arm around you, as a lonely young man,
about to spoil for want of something, but it is very sad and humiliating
for a young man to be brought to that. There are people who devote
themselves to nursing young men, and doing them good. If they invite you to
tea, go by all means, and try your hand. If, in the course of the evening,
you can prove to them that your society is desirable, you have won a point.
Don't be patronized.

6. THE MORBID CONDITION.--Young men, you are apt to get into a morbid state
of mind, which declines them to social intercourse. They become devoted to
business with such exclusiveness, that all social intercourse is irksome.
They go out to tea as if they were going to jail, and drag themselves to a
party as to an execution. This disposition is thoroughly morbid, and to be
overcome by going where you are invited, always, and with a sacrifice of
feeling.

7. THE COMMON BLUNDER.--Don't shrink from contact with anything but bad
morals. Men who affect your unhealthy minds with antipathy, will prove
themselves very frequently to be your best friends and most delightful
companions. Because a man seems uncongenial to you, who are squeamish and
foolish, you have no right to shun him. We become charitable by knowing
men. We learn to love those whom we have despised by rubbing against them.
Do you not remember some instance of meeting a man or woman whom you had
never previously known or cared to know--an individual, perhaps, against
whom you have entertained the strongest prejudices--but to whom you became
bound by a lifelong friendship through the influence of a three days'
intercourse? Yet, if you had not thus met, you would have carried through
life the idea that it would be impossible for you to give your fellowship
to such an individual.

8. THE FOOLISHNESS OF MAN.--God has introduced into human character
infinite variety, and for you to say that you do not love and will not
associate with a man because he is unlike you, is not only foolish but
wrong. You are to remember that in the precise manner and decree in which
{68} a man differs from you, do you differ from him; and that from his
standpoint you are naturally as repulsive to him, as he, from your
standpoint, is to you. So, leave all this talk of congeniality to silly
girls and transcendental dreamers.

[Illustration: GATHERING ORANGES IN THE SUNNY SOUTH.]

9. DO BUSINESS IN YOUR WAY AND BE HONEST.--Do your business in your own
way, and concede to every man the privilege which you claim for yourself.
The more you mix with men, the less you will be disposed to quarrel, and
the more charitable and liberal will you become. The fact that you do not
understand a man, is quite as likely to be your fault as his. There are a
good many chances in favor of the conclusion that, if you fail to like an
individual whose acquaintance you make it is through your own ignorance and
illiberality. So I say, meet every man honestly; seek to know him; and you
will find that in those points in which he differs from you rests his power
to instruct you, enlarge you, and do you good. Keep your heart open for
everybody, and be sure that you shall have your reward. You shall find a
jewel under the most uncouth exterior; and associated with homeliest
manners and oddest ways and ugliest faces, you will find rare virtues,
fragrant little humanities, and inspiring heroisms.

10. WITHOUT SOCIETY, WITHOUT INFLUENCE.--Again: you can have no influence
unless you are social. An unsocial man is as devoid of influence as an
ice-peak is of verdure. It is through social contact and absolute social
value alone that you can accomplish any great social good. It is through
the invisible lines which you are able to attach to the minds with which
you are brought into association alone that you can tow society, with its
deeply freighted interests, to the great haven of your hope.

11. THE REVENGE OF SOCIETY.--The revenge which society takes upon the man
who isolates himself, is as terrible as it is inevitable. The pride which
sits alone will have the privilege of sitting alone in its sublime disgust
till it drops into the grave. The world sweeps by the man, carelessly,
remorselessly, contemptuously. He has no hold upon society, because he is
no part of it.

12. THE CONCLUSION OF THE WHOLE MATTER.--You cannot move men until you are
one of them. They will not follow you until they have heard your voice,
shaken your hand, and fully learned your principles and your sympathies. It
makes no difference how much you know, or how much you are capable of
doing. You may pile accomplishment upon acquisition mountain high; but if
you fail to be a social man, demonstrating to society that your lot is with
the rest, a {69} little child with a song in its mouth, and a kiss for all
and a pair of innocent hands to lay upon the knees, shall lead more hearts
and change the direction of more lives than you.

       *       *       *       *       *


{70}

Politeness.

1. BEAUTIFUL BEHAVIOR.--Politeness has been described as the art of
showing, by external signs, the internal regard we have for others. But one
may be perfectly polite to another without necessarily paying a special
regard for him. Good manners are neither more nor less than beautiful
behavior. It has been well said that "a beautiful form is better than a
beautiful face, and a beautiful behavior is better than a beautiful form;
it gives a higher pleasure than statues or pictures--it is the finest of
the fine arts."

2. TRUE POLITENESS.--The truest politeness comes of sincerity. It must be
the outcome of the heart, or it will make no lasting impression; for no
amount of polish can dispense with truthfulness. The natural character must
be allowed to appear, freed of its angularities and asperities. Though
politeness, in its best form, should resemble water--"best when clearest,
most simple, and without taste"--yet genius in a man will always cover many
defects of manner, and much will be excused to the strong and the original.
Without genuineness and individuality, human life would lose much of its
interest and variety, as well as its manliness and robustness of character.

3. PERSONALITY OF OTHERS.--True politeness especially exhibits itself in
regard for the personality of others. A man will respect the individuality
of another if he wishes to be respected himself. He will have due regard
for his views and opinions, even though they differ from his own. The
well-mannered man pays a compliment to another, and sometimes even secures
his respect by patiently listening to him. He is simply tolerant and
forbearant, and refrains from judging harshly; and harsh judgments of
others will almost invariably provoke harsh judgments of ourselves.

4. THE IMPOLITE.--The impolite, impulsive man will, however, sometimes
rather lose his friend than his joke. He may surely be pronounced a very
foolish person who secures another's hatred at the price of a moment's
gratification. It was a saying of Burnel, the engineer--himself one of the
kindest-natured of men--that "spite and ill-nature are among the most
expensive luxuries in life." Dr. Johnson once said: "Sir, a man has no more
right to say a rude thing to another than to knock him down."

5. FEELINGS OF OTHERS.--Want of respect for the feelings of others usually
originates in selfishness, and issues in {71} hardness and repulsiveness of
manner. It may not proceed from malignity so much, as from want of
sympathy, and want of delicacy--a want of that perception of, and attention
to, those little and apparently trifling things, by which pleasure is given
or pain occasioned to others. Indeed, it may be said that in self-sacrifice
in the ordinary intercourse of life, mainly consists the difference between
being well and ill bred. Without some degree of self-restraint in society a
man may be found almost insufferable. No one has pleasure in holding
intercourse with such a person, and he is a constant source of annoyance to
those about him.

6. DISREGARD OF OTHERS.--Men may show their disregard to others in various
impolite ways, as, for instance, by neglect of propriety in dress, by the
absence of cleanliness, or by indulging in repulsive habits. The slovenly,
dirty person, by rendering himself physically disagreeable, sets the tastes
and feelings of others at defiance, and is rude and uncivil, only under
another form.

7. THE BEST SCHOOL OF POLITENESS.--The first and best school of politeness,
as of character, is always the home, where woman is the teacher. The
manners of society at large are but the reflex of the manners of our
collective homes, neither better nor worse. Yet, with all the disadvantages
of ungenial homes, men may practice self-culture of manner as of intellect,
and learn by good examples to cultivate a graceful and agreeable behavior
towards others. Most men are like so many gems in the rough, which need
polishing by contact with other and better natures, to bring out their full
beauty and lustre. Some have but one side polished, sufficient only to show
the delicate graining of the interior; but to bring out the full qualities
of the gem, needs the discipline of experience, and contact with the best
examples of character in the intercourse of daily life.

8. CAPTIOUSNESS OF MANNER.--While captiousness of manner, and the habit of
disputing and contradicting every thing said, is chilling and repulsive,
the opposite habit of assenting to, and sympathizing with, every statement
made, or emotion expressed, is almost equally disagreeable. It is unmanly,
and is felt to be dishonest. "It may seem difficult," says Richard Sharp,
"to steer always between bluntness and plain dealing, between merited
praises and lavishing indiscriminate flattery; but it is very easy--good
humor, kindheartedness, and perfect simplicity, being all that are
requisite to do what is right in the right way." At the same time many are
impolite, not because they mean to be so, but because they are awkward, and
perhaps know no better. {72}

9. SHY PEOPLE.--Again many persons are thought to be stiff, reserved, and
proud, when they are only shy. Shyness is characteristic of most people of
the Teutonic race. From all that can be learned of Shakespeare, it is to be
inferred that he was an exceedingly shy man. The manner in which his plays
were sent into the world--for it is not known that he edited or authorized
the publication of a single one of them,--and the dates at which they
respectively appeared, are mere matters of conjecture.

10. SELF-FORGETFULNESS.--True politeness is best evinced by
self-forgetfulness, or self-denial in the interest of others. Mr. Garfield,
our martyred president, was a gentleman of royal type. His friend, Col.
Rockwell, says of him: "In the midst of his suffering he never forgets
others. For instance, to-day he said to me, 'Rockwell, there is a poor
soldier's widow who came to me before this thing occurred, and I promised
her, she should be provided for. I want you to see that the matter is
attended to at once.' He is the most docile patient I ever saw."

11. ITS BRIGHT SIDE.--We have thus far spoken of shyness as a defect. But
there is another way of looking at it; for even shyness has its bright
side, and contains an element of good. Shy men and shy races are ungraceful
and undemonstrative, because, as regards society at large, they are
comparatively unsociable. They do not possess those elegancies of manner
acquired by free intercourse, which distinguish the social races, because
their tendency is to shun society rather than to seek it. They are shy in
the presence of strangers, and shy even in their own families. They hide
their affections under a robe of reserve, and when they do give way to
their feelings, it is only in some very hidden inner chamber. And yet, the
feelings are there, and not the less healthy and genuine, though they are
not made the subject of exhibition to others.

12. WORTHY OF CULTIVATION.--While, therefore, grace of manner, politeness
of behavior, elegance of demeanor, and all the arts that contribute to make
life pleasant and beautiful, are worthy of cultivation, it must not be at
the expense of the more solid and enduring qualities of honesty, sincerity,
and truthfulness. The fountain of beauty must be in the heart more than in
the eye, and if it does not tend to produce beautiful life and noble
practice, it will prove of comparatively little avail. Politeness of manner
is not worth much, unless it is accompanied by polite actions.

[Illustration]

{73}

Influence of Good Character.

 "Unless above himself he can
  Erect himself, how poor a thing is man!"--DANIEL.

    "Character is moral order seen through the medium of an individual
    nature--Men of character are the conscience of the society to which
    they belong."--EMERSON.

  The purest treasure mortal times afford,
  Is--spotless reputation; that away,
  Men are but gilded loam, or painted clay.
  A jewel in a ten-times-barr'd-up chest
  Is--a bold Spirit in a loyal breast.--SHAKSPEARE.

1. REPUTATION.--The two most precious things this side the grave are our
reputation and our life. But it is to be lamented that the most
contemptible whisper may deprive us of the one, and the weakest weapon of
the other. A wise man, therefore, will be more anxious to deserve a fair
name than to possess it, and this will teach him so to live, as not to be
afraid to die.

2. CHARACTER.--Character is one of the greatest motive powers in the world.
In its noblest embodiments, it exemplifies human nature in its highest
forms, for it exhibits man at his best.

3. THE HEART THAT RULES IN LIFE.--Although genius always commands
admiration, character most secures respect. The former is more the product
of brain power, the latter of heart power; and in the long run it is the
heart that rules in life. Men of genius stand to society in the relation of
its intellect as men of character of its conscience: and while the former
are admired, the latter are followed.

4. THE HIGHEST IDEAL OF LIFE AND CHARACTER.--Commonplace though it may
appear, this doing of one's duty embodies the highest ideal of life and
character. There may be nothing heroic about it; but the common lot of men
is not heroic. And though the abiding sense of duty upholds man in his
highest attitudes, it also equally sustains him in the transaction of the
ordinary affairs of every-day existence. Man's life is "centered in the
sphere of common duties." The most influential of all the virtues are those
which are the most in request for daily use. They wear the best, and last
the longest.

5. WEALTH.--Wealth in the hands of men of weak purpose, or deficient
self-control, or of ill regulated passions, is {74} only a temptation and a
snare--the source, it may be, of infinite mischief to themselves, and often
to others.

On the contrary, a condition of comparative poverty is compatible with
character in its highest form. A man may possess only his industry, his
frugality, his integrity, and yet stand high in the rank of true manhood.
The advice which Burns' father gave him was the best:

 "He bade me act a manly part, though I had ne'er a farthing,
  For without an honest, manly heart no man was worth regarding."

6. CHARACTER IS PROPERTY.--It is the noblest of possessions. It is an
estate in the general good-will and respect of men; they who invest in
it--though they may not become rich in this world's goods--will find their
reward in esteem and reputation fairly and honorably won. And it is right
that in life good qualities should tell--that industry, virtue, and
goodness should rank the highest--and that the really best men should be
foremost.

7. SIMPLE HONESTY OF PURPOSE.--This in a man goes a long way in life, if
founded on a just estimate of himself and a steady obedience to the rule he
knows and feels to be right. It holds a man straight, gives him strength
and sustenance, and forms a mainspring of vigorous action. No man is bound
to be rich or great--no, nor to be wise--but every man is bound to be
honest and virtuous.

[Illustration]

{76}

Family Government.

[Illustration: HEAVENLY MUSIC.]

1. GENTLENESS MUST CHARACTERIZE EVERY ACT OF AUTHORITY.--The storm of
excitement that may make the child start, bears no relation to actual
obedience. The inner firmness, that sees and feels a moral conviction and
expects obedience, is only disguised and defeated by bluster. The more calm
and direct it is, the greater certainty it has of dominion.

2. FOR THE GOVERNMENT OF SMALL CHILDREN.--For the government of small
children speak only in the authority of love, yet authority, loving and to
be obeyed. The most important lesson to impart is obedience to authority as
authority. The question of salvation with most children will be settled as
soon as they learn to obey parental authority. It establishes a habit and
order of mind that is ready to accept divine authority. This precludes
skepticism and disobedience, and induces that childlike trust and spirit
set forth as a necessary state of salvation. Children that are never made
to obey are left to drift into the sea of passion where the pressure for
surrender only tends to drive them at greater speed from the haven of
safety.

3. HABITS OF SELF-DENIAL.--Form in the child habits of self-denial.
Pampering never matures good character.

4. EMPHASIZE INTEGRITY.--Keep the moral tissues tough in integrity; then it
will hold a hook of obligations when once set in a sure place. There is
nothing more vital. Shape all your experiments to preserve the integrity.
Do not so reward it that it becomes mercenary. Turning State's evidence is
a dangerous experiment in morals. Prevent deceit from succeeding.

5. GUARD MODESTY.--To be brazen is to imperil some of the best elements of
character. Modesty may be strengthened into a becoming confidence, but
brazen facedness can seldom be toned down into decency. It requires the
miracle of grace.

6. PROTECT PURITY.--Teach your children to loathe impurity. Study the
character of their playmates. Watch their books. Keep them from corruption
at all cost. The groups of youth in the school and in society, and in
business places, seed with improprieties of word and thought. Never relax
your vigilance along this exposed border.

[Illustration: BOTH PUZZLED.]

7. THREATEN THE LEAST POSSIBLE.--In family government threaten the least
possible. Some parents rattle off their commands with penalties so
profusely that there is a steady {78} roar of hostilities about the child's
head. These threats are forgotten by the parent and unheeded by the child.
All government is at an end.

8. DO NOT ENFORCE TOO MANY COMMANDS.--Leave a few things within the range
of the child's knowledge that are not forbidden. Keep your word good, but
do not have too much of it out to be redeemed.

9. PUNISH AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE.--Sometimes punishment is necessary, but
the less it is resorted to the better.

10. NEVER PUNISH IN A PASSION.--Wrath only becomes cruelty. There is no
moral power in it. When you seem to be angry you can do no good.

11. BRUTISH VIOLENCE ONLY MULTIPLIES OFFENDERS.--Striking and beating the
body seldom reaches the soul. Fear and hatred beget rebellion.

12. PUNISH PRIVATELY.--Avoid punishments that break down self-respect.
Striking the body produces shame and indignation. It is enough for the
other children to know that discipline is being administered.

13. NEVER STOP SHORT OF SUCCESS.--When the child is not conquered the
punishment has been worse than wasted. Reach the point where neither wrath
nor sullenness remain. By firm persistency and persuasion require an open
look of recognition and peace. It is only evil to stir up the devil unless
he is cast out. Ordinarily one complete victory will last a child for a
lifetime. But if the child relapses, repeat the dose with proper
accompaniments.

14. DO NOT REQUIRE CHILDREN TO COMPLAIN OF THEMSELVES FOR PARDON.--It
begets either sycophants or liars. It is the part of the government to
detect offences. It reverses the order of matters to shirk this duty.

15. GRADE AUTHORITY UP TO LIBERTY.--The growing child must have experiments
of freedom. Lead him gently into the family. Counsel with him. Let him plan
as he can. By and by he has the confidence of courage without the danger of
exposures.

16. RESPECT.--Parents must respect each other. Undermining either
undermines both. Always govern in the spirit of love.

[Illustration]

{79}

CONVERSATION.

    [Illustration]

    Some men are very entertaining for a first interview, but after that
    they are exhausted, and run out; on a second meeting we shall find them
    very flat and monotonous; like hand-organs, we have heard all their
    tunes.--COULTON.

    He who sedulously attends, pointedly asks, calmly speaks, coolly
    answers, and ceases when he has no more to say, is in possession of
    some of the best requisites of man.--LAVATER.

    Beauty is never so lovely as when adorned with the smile, and
    conversation never sits easier upon us than when we know and then
    discharge ourselves in a symphony of Laughter, which may not improperly
    be called the Chorus of Conversation.--STEELE.

    The first ingredient in Conversation is Truth, the next Good Sense, the
    third Good Humor, and the fourth Wit.--SIR WILLIAM TEMPLE.

{80}

Home Lessons in Conversation.

Say nothing unpleasant when it can be avoided.

Avoid satire and sarcasm.

Never repeat a word that was not intended for repetition.

Cultivate the supreme wisdom, which consists less in saying what ought to
be said than in not saying what ought not to be said.

Often cultivate "flashes of silence."

It is the larger half of the conversation to listen well.

Listen to others patiently, especially the poor.

Sharp sayings are an evidence of low breeding.

Shun faultfindings and faultfinders.

Never utter an uncomplimentary word against anyone.

Compliments delicately hinted and sincerely intended are a grace in
conversation.

Commendation of gifts and cleverness properly put are in good taste, but
praise of beauty is offensive.

Repeating kind expressions is proper.

Compliments given in a joke may be gratefully received in earnest.

The manner and tone are important parts of a compliment.

Avoid egotism.

Don't talk of yourself, or of your friends or your deeds.

Give no sign that you appreciate your own merits.

Do not become a distributer of the small talk of a community. The smiles of
your auditors do not mean respect.

Avoid giving the impression of one filled with "suppressed egotism."

Never mention your own peculiarities; for culture destroys vanity.

Avoid exaggeration.

Do not be too positive.

Do not talk of display oratory.

Do not try to lead in conversation, looking around to enforce silence.

Lay aside affected silly etiquette for the natural dictates of the heart.

Direct the conversation where others can join with you and impart to you
useful information.

Avoid oddity. Eccentricity is shallow vanity.

Be modest.

Be what you wish to seem.

Avoid repeating a brilliant or clever saying.

{82}

[Illustration: THINKING ONLY OF DRESS.]

If you find bashfulness or embarrassment coming upon you, do or say
something at once. The commonest matter gently stated is better than an
embarrassing silence. Sometimes changing your position, or looking into a
book for a moment may relieve your embarrassment, and dispel any settling
stiffness.

Avoid telling many stories, or repeating a story more than once in the same
company.

Never treat any one as if you simply wanted him to tell stories. People
laugh and despise such a one.

Never tell a coarse story. No wit or preface can make it excusable.

Tell a story, if at all, only as an illustration, and not for itself. Tell
it accurately.

Be careful in asking questions for the purpose of starting conversation or
drawing out a person, not to be rude or intrusive.

Never take liberties by staring, or by any rudeness.

Never infringe upon any established regulations among strangers.

Do not always prove yourself to be the one in the right. The right will
appear. You need only give it a chance.

Avoid argument in conversation. It is discourteous to your host.

Cultivate paradoxes in conversation with your peers. They add interest to
common-place matters. To strike the harmless faith of ordinary people in
any public idol is waste, but such a movement with those able to reply is
better.

Never discourse upon your ailments.

Never use words of the meaning or pronunciation of which you are uncertain.

Avoid discussing your own or other people's domestic concerns.

Never prompt a slow speaker, as if you had all the ability. In conversing
with a foreigner who may be learning our language, it is excusable to help
him in some delicate way.

Never give advice unasked.

Do not manifest impatience.

Do not interrupt another when speaking.

Do not find fault, though you may gently criticise.

Do not appear to notice inaccuracies of speech in others.

Do not always commence a conversation by allusion to the weather.

Do not, when narrating an incident, continually say, "you see," "you know."
{83}

Do not allow yourself to lose temper or speak excitedly.

Do not introduce professional or other topics that the company generally
cannot take an interest in.

Do not talk very loud. A firm, clear, distinct, yet mild, gentle, and
musical voice has great power.

Do not be absent-minded, requiring the speaker to repeat what has been said
that you may understand.

Do not try to force yourself into the confidence of others.

Do not use profanity, vulgar terms, words of double meaning, or language
that will bring the blush to anyone.

Do not allow yourself to speak ill of the absent one if it can be avoided.
The day may come when some friend will be needed to defend you in your
absence.

Do not speak with contempt and ridicule of a locality which you may be
visiting. Find something to truthfully praise and commend; thus make
yourself agreeable.

Do not make a pretense of gentility, nor parade the fact that you are a
descendant of any notable family. You must pass for just what you are, and
must stand on your own merit.

Do not contradict. In making a correction say, "I beg your pardon, but I
had the impression that it was so and so." Be careful in contradicting, as
you may be wrong yourself.

Do not be unduly familiar; you will merit contempt if you are. Neither
should you be dogmatic in your assertions, arrogating to yourself such
consequences in your opinions.

Do not be too lavish in your praise of various members of your own family
when speaking to strangers; the person to whom you are speaking may know
some faults that you do not.

Do not feel it incumbent upon yourself to carry your point in conversation.
Should the person with whom you are conversing feel the same, your talk may
lead into violent argument.

Do not try to pry into the private affairs of others by asking what their
profits are, what things cost, whether Melissa ever had a beau, and why
Amarette never got married? All such questions are extremely impertinent
and are likely to meet with rebuke.

Do not whisper in company; do not engage in private conversation; do not
speak a foreign language which the general company present may not
understand, unless it is understood that the foreigner is unable to speak
your own language.

       *       *       *       *       *


{84}

THE TOILET

OR

The Care of the Person.

       *       *       *       *       *

IMPORTANT RULES.

[Illustration: Widower Jones and Widow Smith.]

1. GOOD APPEARANCE.--The first care of all persons should be for their
personal appearance. Those who are slovenly or careless in their habits are
unfit for refined society, and cannot possibly make a good appearance in
it. A well-bred person will always cultivate habits of the most scrupulous
neatness. A gentleman or lady is always well dressed. The garment may be
plain or of coarse material, or even worn "thin and shiny," but if it is
carefully brushed and neat it can be worn with dignity. {85}

2. PERSONAL CLEANLINESS.--Personal appearance depends greatly on the
careful toilet and scrupulous attention to dress. The first point which
marks the gentleman or lady in appearance is rigid cleanliness. This remark
supplies to the body and everything which covers it. A clean skin--only to
be secured by frequent baths--is indispensable.

3. THE TEETH.--The teeth should receive the utmost attention. Many a young
man has been disgusted with a lady by seeing her unclean and discolored
teeth. It takes but a few moments, and if necessary secure some simple
tooth powder or rub the teeth thoroughly every day with a linen
handkerchief, and it will give the teeth and mouth a beautiful and clean
appearance.

4. THE HAIR AND BEARD.--The hair should be thoroughly brushed and well
kept, and the beard of men properly trimmed. Men should not let their hair
grow long and shaggy.

5. UNDERCLOTHING.--The matter of cleanliness extends to all articles of
clothing, underwear as well as the outer clothing. Cleanliness is a mark of
true utility. The clothes need not necessarily be of a rich and expensive
quality, but they can all be kept clean. Some persons have an odor about
them that is very offensive, simply on account of their underclothing being
worn too long without washing. This odor of course cannot be detected by
the person who wears the soiled garments, but other persons easily detect
it and are offended by it.

6. THE BATH.--No person should think for a moment that they can be popular
in society without regular bathing. A bath should be taken at least once a
week, and if the feet perspire they should be washed several times a week,
as the case may require. It is not unfrequent that young men are seen with
dirty ears and neck. This is unpardonable and boorish, and shows gross
neglect. Occasionally a young lady will be called upon unexpectedly when
her neck and smiling face are not emblems of cleanliness. Every lady owes
it to herself to be fascinating; every gentleman is bound, for his own
sake, to be presentable; but beyond this there is the obligation to
society, to one's friends, and to those with whom we may be brought in
contact.

7. SOILED GARMENTS.--A young man's garments may not be expensive, yet there
is no excuse for wearing a soiled collar and a soiled shirt, or carrying a
soiled handkerchief. No one should appear as though he had slept in a
stable, shaggy hair, soiled clothing or garments indifferently put on and
carelessly buttoned. A young man's vest should always be kept buttoned in
the presence of ladies. {86}

8. THE BREATH.--Care should be taken to remedy an offensive breath without
delay. Nothing renders one so unpleasant to one's acquaintance, or is such
a source of misery to one's self. The evil may be from some derangement of
the stomach or some defective condition of the teeth, or catarrhal
affection of the throat and nose. See remedies in other portions of the
book.

       *       *       *       *       *

A YOUNG MAN'S PERSONAL APPEARANCE.

    Dress changes the manners.--VOLTAIRE.

    Whose garments wither, shall receive faded smiles.--SHERIDAN KNOWLES.

    Men of sense follow fashion so far that they are neither conspicuous
    for their excess nor peculiar by their opposition to it.--ANONYMOUS.

1. A well-dressed man does not require so much an extensive as a varied
wardrobe. He does not need a different suit for every season and every
occasion, but if he is careful to select clothes that are simple and not
striking or conspicuous, he may use the garment over and over again without
their being noticed, provided they are suitable to the season and the
occasion.

2. A clean shirt, collar and cuffs always make a young man look neat and
tidy, even if his clothes are not of the latest pattern and are somewhat
threadbare.

3. Propriety is outraged when a man of sixty dresses like a youth of
sixteen. It is bad manners for a gentleman to use perfumes to a noticeable
extent. Avoid affecting singularity in dress. Expensive clothes are no sign
of a gentleman.

[Illustration: The Dude of the 17th Century.]

4. When dressed for company, strive to appear easy and natural. Nothing is
more distressing to a sensitive person, or more ridiculous to one gifted
with refinement, than to see a lady laboring under the consciousness of a
fine gown; or a gentleman who is stiff, awkward and ungainly in a brand-new
coat.

5. Avoid what is called the "ruffianly style of dress" or the slouchy
appearance of a half-unbottoned vest, and suspenderless pantaloons. That
sort of affectation is, if possible, even more disgusting than the
painfully elaborate frippery of the dandy or dude. Keep your clothes well
brushed and keep them cleaned. Slight spots can be removed with a little
sponge and soap and water.

6. A gentleman should never wear a high hat unless he has on a frock coat
or a dress suit.

7. A man's jewelry should be good and simple. Brass or false jewelry, like
other forms of falsehood, is vulgar. Wearing many cheap decorations is a
serious fault. {87}

8. If a man wears a ring it should be on the third finger of the left hand.
This is the only piece of jewelry a man is allowed to wear that does not
serve a purpose.

9. Wearing imitations of diamonds is always in very bad taste.

10. Every man looks better in a full beard it he keeps it well trimmed. If
a man shaves he should shave at least every other day, unless he is in the
country.

11. The finger-nails should be kept cut, and the teeth should be cleaned
every morning, and kept clear from tartar. A man who does not keep his
teeth clean does not look like a gentleman when he shows them.

       *       *       *       *       *


{88}

Dress.

  We sacrifice to dress, till household joys
  And comforts cease. Dress drains our cellar dry,
  And keeps our larder lean. Puts out our fires,
  And introduces hunger, frost and woe,
  Where peace and hospitality might reign.--COWPER.

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration]

1. GOD IS A LOVER OF DRESS.--We cannot but feel that God is a lover of
dress. He has put on robes of beauty and glory upon all his works. Every
flower is dressed in richness; every field blushes beneath a mantle of
beauty; every star is veiled in brightness; every bird is clothed in the
{89} habiliments of the most exquisite taste. The cattle upon the thousand
hills are dressed by the hand divine. Who, studying God in his works, can
doubt, that he will smile upon the evidence of correct taste manifested by
his children in clothing the forms he has made them?

2. LOVE OF DRESS.--To love dress is not to be a slave of fashion; to love
dress only is the test of such homage. To transact the business of charity
in a silken dress, and to go in a carriage to the work, injures neither the
work nor the worker. The slave of fashion is one who assumes the livery of
a princess, and then omits the errand of the good human soul; dresses in
elegance, and goes upon no good errand, and thinks and does nothing of
value to mankind.

3. BEAUTY IN DRESS.--Beauty in dress is a good thing, rail at it who may.
But it is a lower beauty, for which a higher beauty should not be
sacrificed. They love dresses too much who give it their first thought,
their best time, or all their money; who for it neglect the culture of
their mind or heart, or the claims of others on their service; who care
more for their dress than their disposition; who are troubled more by an
unfashionable bonnet than a neglected duty.

4. SIMPLICITY OF DRESS.--Female lovliness never appears to so good
advantage as when set off by simplicity of dress. No artist ever decks his
angels with towering feathers and gaudy jewelry; and our dear human
angels--if they would make good their title to that name--should carefully
avoid ornaments, which properly belong to Indian squaws and African
princesses. These tinselries may serve to give effect on the stage, or upon
the ball room floor, but in daily life there is no substitute for the charm
of simplicity. A vulgar taste is not to be disguised by gold or diamonds.
The absence of a true taste and refinement of delicacy cannot be
compensated for by the possession of the most princely fortune. Mind
measures gold, but gold cannot measure mind. Through dress the mind may be
read, as through the delicate tissue the lettered page. A modest woman will
dress modestly; a really refined and intelligent woman will bear the marks
of careful selection and faultless taste.

5. PEOPLE OF SENSE.--A coat that has the mark of use upon it, is a
recommendation to the people of sense, and a hat with too much nap, and too
high lustre, a derogatory circumstance. The best coats in our streets are
worn on the backs of penniless fops, broken down merchants, clerks with
pitiful salaries, and men that do not pay up. The heaviest gold chains
dangle from the fobs of gamblers and gentlemen of very limited means;
costly ornaments on {90} ladies, indicate to the eyes that are well opened,
the fact of a silly lover or husband cramped for funds.

6. PLAIN AND NEAT.--When a pretty woman goes by in plain and neat apparel,
it is the presumption that she has fair expectations, and a husband that
can show a balance in his favor. For women are like books,--too much
gilding makes men suspicious, that the binding is the most important part.
The body is the shell of the soul, and the dress is the husk of the body;
but the husk generally tells what the kernel is. As a fashionably dressed
young lady passed some gentlemen, one of them raised his hat, whereupon
another, struck by the fine appearance of the lady, made some inquiries
concerning her, and was answered thus: "She makes a pretty ornament in her
father's house, but otherwise is of no use."

7. THE RICHEST DRESS.--The richest dress is always worn on the soul. The
adornments that will not perish, and that all men most admire, shine from
the heart through this life. God has made it our highest, holiest duty, to
dress the soul he has given us. It is wicked to waste it in frivolity. It
is a beautiful, undying, precious thing. If every young woman would think
of her soul when she looks in the glass, would hear the cry of her naked
mind when she dallies away her precious hours at her toilet, would listen
to the sad moaning of her hollow heart, as it wails through her idle,
useless life, something would be done for the elevation of womanhood.

8. DRESSING UP.--Compare a well-dressed body with a well-dressed mind.
Compare a taste for dress with a taste for knowledge, culture, virtue, and
piety. Dress up an ignorant young woman in the "height of fashion"; put on
plumes and flowers, diamonds and gewgaws; paint her face, girt up her
waist, and I ask you, if this side of a painted and feathered savage you
can find anything more unpleasant to behold. And yet such young women we
meet by the hundred every day on the street and in all our public places.
It is awful to think of.

9. DRESS AFFECTS OUR MANNERS.--A man who is badly dressed, feels chilly,
sweaty, and prickly. He stammers, and does not always tell the truth. He
means to, perhaps, but he can't. He is half distracted about his
pantaloons, which are much to short, and are constantly hitching up; or his
frayed jacket and crumpled linen harrow his soul, and quite unman him. He
treads on the train of a lady's dress, and says, "Thank you", sits down on
his hat, and wishes the "desert were his dwelling place."

       *       *       *       *       *


{91}

Beauty.

 "She walks in beauty, like the night
    Of cloudless climes and starry skies:
  And all that's best of dark and bright
    Meet her in aspect and in her eyes;
  Thus mellowed to that tender light
    Which heaven to gaudy day denies."--BYRON.

[Illustration]

1. THE HIGHEST STYLE OF BEAUTY.--The highest style of beauty to be found in
nature pertains to the human form, as animated and lighted up by the
intelligence within. It is the expression of the soul that constitutes this
superior beauty. It is that which looks out of the eye, which sits in calm
majesty on the brow, lurks on the lip, smiles on the cheek, is set forth in
the chiselled lines and features of the countenance, in the general contour
of figure and form, in the movement, and gesture, and tone; it is this
looking out of the invisible spirit that dwells within, this manifestation
of the higher nature, that we admire and love; this constitutes to us the
beauty of our species. {92}

2. BEAUTY WHICH PERISHES NOT.--There is a beauty which perishes not. It is
such as the angels wear. It forms the washed white robes of the saints. It
wreathes the countenance of every doer of good. It adorns every honest
face. It shines in the virtuous life. It molds the hands of charity. It
sweetens the voice of sympathy. It sparkles on the brow of wisdom. It
flashes in the eye of love. It breathes in the spirit of piety. It is the
beauty of the heaven of heavens. It is that which may grow by the hand of
culture in every human soul. It is the flower of the spirit which blossoms
on the tree of life. Every soul may plant and nurture it in its own garden,
in its own Eden.

3. WE MAY ALL BE BEAUTIFUL.--This is the capacity of beauty that God has
given to the human soul, and this the beauty placed within the reach of
all. We may all be beautiful. Though our forms may be uncomely and our
features not the prettiest, our spirits may be beautiful. And this inward
beauty always shines through. A beautiful heart will flash out in the eye.
A lovely soul will glow in the face. A sweet spirit will tune the voice,
wreathe the countenance in charms. Oh, there is a power in interior beauty
that melts the hardest heart!

4. WOMAN THE MOST PERFECT TYPE OF BEAUTY.--Woman, by common consent, we
regard as the most perfect type of beauty on earth. To her we ascribe the
highest charms belonging to this wonderful element so profusely mingled in
all God's works. Her form is molded and finished in exquisite delicacy of
perfection. The earth gives us no form more perfect, no features more
symmetrical, no style more chaste, no movements more graceful, no finish
more complete; so that our artists ever have and ever will regard the
woman-form of humanity as the most perfect earthly type of beauty. This
form is most perfect and symmetrical in the youth of womanhood; so that the
youthful woman is earth's queen of beauty. This is true, not only by the
common consent of mankind, but also by the strictest rules of scientific
criticism.

[Illustration: A REJECTED LOVER.]

5. FADELESS BEAUTY.--There cannot be a picture without its bright spots;
and the steady contemplation of what is bright in others, has a reflex
influence upon the beholder. It reproduces what it reflects. Nay, it seems
to leave an impress even upon the countenance. The feature, from having a
dark, sinister aspect, becomes open, serene, and sunny. A countenance so
impressed, has neither the vacant stare of the idiot, nor the crafty,
penetrating look of the basilisk, but the clear, placid aspect of truth and
goodness. The woman {94} who has such a face is beautiful. She has a beauty
which changes not with the features, which fades not with years. It is
beauty of expression. It is the only kind of beauty which can be relied
upon for a permanent influence with the other sex. The violet will soon
cease to smile. Flowers must fade. The love that has nothing but beauty to
sustain it, soon withers away.

6. A PRETTY WOMAN PLEASES THE EYE, a good woman, the heart. The one is a
jewel, the other a treasure. Invincible fidelity, good humor, and
complacency of temper, outlive all the charms of a fine face, and make the
decay of it invisible. That is true beauty which has not only a substance,
but a spirit; a beauty that we must intimately know to justly appreciate.

7. THE WOMAN YOU LOVE BEST.--Beauty, dear reader, is probably the woman you
love best, but we trust it is the beauty of soul and character, which sits
in calm majesty on the brow, lurks on the lip, and will outlive what is
called a fine face.

8. THE WEARING OF ORNAMENTS.--Beauty needs not the foreign aid of ornament,
but is when unadorned adorned the most, is a trite observation; but with a
little qualification it is worthy of general acceptance. Aside from the
dress itself, ornaments should be very sparingly used--at any rate, the
danger lies in over-loading oneself, and not in using too few. A young
girl, and especially one of a light and airy style of beauty, should never
wear gems. A simple flower in her hair or on her bosom is all that good
taste will permit. When jewels or other ornaments are worn, they should be
placed where you desire the eye of the spectator to rest, leaving the parts
to which you do not want attention called as plain and negative as
possible. There is no surer sign of vulgarity than a profusion of heavy
jewelry carried about upon the person.

[Illustration]

{95}

Sensible Helps to Beauty.

[Illustration]

1. FOR SCRAWNY NECK.--Take off your tight collars, feather boas and such
heating things. Wash neck and chest with hot water, then rub in sweet oil
all that you can work in. Apply this every night before you retire and
leave the skin damp with it while you sleep.

2. FOR RED HANDS.--Keep your feet warm by soaking them often in hot water,
and keep your hands out of the water as much as possible. Rub your hands
with the skin of a lemon and it will whiten them. If your skin will bear
glycerine after you have washed, pour into the palm a little glycerine and
lemon juice mixed, and rub over the hands and wipe off.

3. NECK AND FACE.--Do not bathe the neck and face just before or after
being out of doors. It tends to wrinkle the skin.

4. SCOWLS.--Never allow yourself to scowl, even if the sun be in your eyes.
That scowl will soon leave its trace and no beauty will outlive it. {96}

5. WRINKLED FOREHEAD.--If you wrinkle your forehead when you talk or read,
visit an oculist and have your eyes tested, and then wear glasses to fit
them.

6. OLD LOOKS.--Sometimes your face looks old because it is tired. Then
apply the following wash and it will make you look younger: Put three drops
of ammonia, a little borax, a tablespoonful of bay rum, and a few drops of
camphor into warm water and apply to your face. Avoid getting it into your
eyes.

7. THE BEST COSMETIC.--Squeeze the juice of a lemon into a pint of sweet
milk. Wash the face with it every night and in the morning wash off with
warm rain water. This will produce a very beautiful effect upon the skin.

8. SPOTS ON THE FACE.--Moles and many other discolorations may be removed
from the face by a preparation composed of one part chemically pure
carbolic acid and two parts pure glycerine. Touch the spots with a
camel's-hair pencil, being careful that the preparation does not come in
contact with the adjacent skin. Five minutes after touching, bathe with
soft water and apply a little vaseline. It may be necessary to repeat the
operation, but if persisted in, the blemishes will be entirely removed.

9. WRINKLES.--This prescription is said to cure wrinkles: Take one ounce of
white wax and melt it to a gentle heat. Add two ounces of the juice of lily
bulbs, two ounces of honey, two drams of rose water, and a drop or two of
ottar of roses. Apply twice a day, rubbing the wrinkles the wrong way.
Always use tepid water for washing the face.

10. THE HAIR.--The hair must be kept free from dust or it will fall out.
One of the best things for cleaning it, is a raw egg rubbed into the roots
and then washed out in several waters. The egg furnishes material for the
hair to grow on, while keeping the scalp perfectly clean. Apply once a
month.

11. LOSS OF HAIR.--When through sickness or headache the hair falls out,
the following tonic may be applied with good effect: Use one ounce of
glycerine, one ounce of bay rum, one pint of strong sage tea, and apply
every other night, rubbing well into the scalp.

       *       *       *       *       *


{97}

How to Keep the Bloom and Grace of Youth.

THE SECRET OF ITS PRESERVATION.

[Illustration: MRS. WM. MCKINLEY.]

1. The question most often asked by women is regarding the art of
retaining, with advancing years, the bloom and grace of youth. This secret
is not learned through the analysis of chemical compounds, but by a
thorough study of nature's laws peculiar to their sex. It is useless for
women with wrinkled faces, dimmed eyes and blemished skins to seek for
external applications of beautifying balms and lotions to bring the glow of
life and health into the face, and yet there are truths, simple yet
wonderful, whereby the bloom of early life can be restored and retained, as
should be the heritage of all God's children, sending the light of beauty
into every woman's face. The secret:

2. Do not bathe in hard water; soften it with a few drops of ammonia, or a
little borax.

3. Do not bathe the face while it is very warm, and never use very cold
water.

4. Do not attempt to remove dust with cold water; give your face a hot
bath, using plenty of good soap, then give it a thorough rinsing with warm
water.

5. Do not rub your face with a coarse towel.

6. Do not believe you can remove wrinkles by filling in the crevices with
powder. Give your face a Russian bath every night; that is, bathe it with
water so hot that you wonder how you can bear it, and then, a minute after,
with moderately cold water, that will make your face glow with warmth; dry
it with a soft towel.

       *       *       *       *       * {98}


Form and Deformity.

[Illustration: MALE. FEMALE.
Showing the Difference in Form and Proportion.]

1. PHYSICAL DEFORMITIES.--Masquerading is a modern accomplishment. Girls
wear tight shoes, burdensome skirts, corsets, etc., all of which prove so
fatal to their health. At the age of seventeen or eighteen, our "young
ladies" are sorry specimens of feminality; and palpitators, cosmetics and
all the modern paraphernalia are required to make them appear fresh and
blooming. Man is equally at fault. A devotee to all the absurd devices of
fashion, he practically asserts that "dress makes the man." But physical
deformities are of far less importance than moral imperfections.

2. DEVELOPMENT OF THE INDIVIDUAL.--It is not possible for human beings to
attain their full stature of humanity, except by loving long and perfectly.
Behold that venerable man! he is mature in judgment, perfect in every
action and expression, and saintly in goodness. You almost worship as you
behold. What rendered him thus perfect? What {99} rounded off his natural
asperities, and moulded up his virtues? Love, mainly. It permeated every
pore, and seasoned every fibre of his being, as could nothing else. Mark
that matronly woman. In the bosom of her family she is more than a queen
and goddess combined. All her looks and actions express the outflowing of
some or all of the human virtues. To know her is to love her. She became
thus perfect, not in a day or year, but by a long series of appropriate
means. Then by what? Chiefly in and by love, which is specially adapted
thus to develop this maturity.

3. PHYSICAL STATURE.--Men and women generally increase in stature until the
twenty-fifth year, and it is safe to assume, that perfection of function is
not established until maturity of bodily development is completed. The
physical contour of these representations plainly exhibits the difference
in structure, and also implies difference of function. Solidity and
strength are represented by the organization of the male, grace and beauty
by that of the female. His broad shoulders represent physical power and the
right of dominion, while her bosom is the symbol of love and nutrition.

HOW TO DETERMINE A PERFECT HUMAN FIGURE.

[Illustration: Lady's Dress in the days of Greece.]

The proportions of the perfect human figure are strictly mathematical. The
whole figure is six times the length of the foot. Whether the form be
slender or plump, this rule holds good. Any deviation from it is a
departure from the highest beauty of proportion. The Greeks made all their
statues according to this rule. The face, from the highest point of the
forehead, where the hair begins, to the end of the chin, is one-tenth of
the whole stature. The hand, from the wrist to the end of the middle
finger, is the same. The chest is a fourth, and from the nipples to the top
of the head is the same. From the top of the chest to the highest point of
the forehead is a seventh. If the length of the face, from the roots of the
hair to the chin, be divided into three equal parts, the first division
determines the point where the eyebrows meet, and the second the place of
the nostrils. The navel is the central point of the human body, and if a
man should lie on his back with his arms and legs extended, the periphery
of the circle which might be described around him, with the navel for its
center, would touch the extremities of his hands and feet. The height from
the feet to the top of the head is the same as the {100} distance from the
extremity of one hand to the extremity of the other when the arms are
extended.

The Venus de Medici is considered the most perfect model of the female
forms, and has been the admiration of the world for ages. Alexander Walker,
after minutely describing this celebrated statue, says: "All these
admirable characteristics of the female form, the mere existence of which
in woman must, one is temped to imagine, be, even to herself, a source of
ineffable pleasure, these constitute a being worthy, as the personification
of beauty, of occupying the temples of Greece; present an object finer,
alas, than Nature even seems capable of producing; and offer to all nations
and ages a theme of admiration and delight." Well might Thomson say:

  So stands the statue that enchants the world,
  So, bending, tries to vail the matchless boast--
  The mingled beauties of exulting Greece.

We beg our readers to observe the form of the waist (evidently innocent of
corsets and tight dresses) of this model woman, and also that of the Greek
Slave in the accompanying outlines. These forms are such as unperverted
nature and the highest art alike require. To compress the waist, and
thereby change its form, pushing the ribs inward, displacing the vital
organs, and preventing the due expansion of the lungs, is as destructive to
beauty as it is to health. {101}

THE HISTORY, MYSTERY, BENEFITS AND INJURIES OF THE CORSET.

[Illustration: The Corset in the 18th Century.]

1. The origin of the corset is lost in remote antiquity. The figures of the
early Egyptian women show clearly an artificial shape of the waist produced
by some style of corset. A similar style of dress must also have prevailed
among the ancient Jewish maidens; for Isaiah, in calling upon the women to
put away their personal adornments, says: "Instead of a girdle there shall
be a rent, and instead of a stomacher (corset) a girdle of sackcloth."

2. Homer also tells us of the cestus or girdle of Venus, which was borrowed
by the haughty Juno with a view to increasing her personal attractions,
that Jupiter might be a more tractable and orderly husband.

3. Coming down to the later times, we find the corset was used in France
and England as early as the 12th century.

4. The most extensive and extreme use of the corset occurred in the 16th
century, during the reign of Catherine de Medici of France and Queen
Elizabeth of England. With Catherine de Medici a thirteen-inch waist
measurement was considered the standard of fashion, while a thick waist was
an abomination. No lady could consider her figure of proper shape unless
she could span her waist with her two hands. To produce this result a
strong rigid corset was worn night and day until the waist was laced down
to the required size. Then over this corset was placed the steel apparatus
shown in the illustration on next page. This corset-cover reached from the
hip to the throat, and {102} produced a rigid figure over which the dress
would fit with perfect smoothness.

5. During the 18th century corsets were largely made from a species of
leather known as "Bend," which was not unlike that used for shoe soles, and
measured nearly a quarter of an inch in thickness. One of the most popular
corsets of the time was the corset and stomacher shown in the accompanying
illustration.

[Illustration: Steel Corset worn in Catherine's time.]

6. About the time of the French Revolution a reaction set in against tight
lacing, and for a time there was a return to the early classical Greek
costume. This style of dress prevailed, with various modifications, until
about 1810, when corsets and tight lacing again returned with threefold
fury. Buchan, a prominent writer of this period, says that it was by no
means uncommon to see "a mother lay her daughter down upon the carpet, and,
placing her foot upon her back, break half a dozen laces in tightening her
stays."

7. It is reserved to our own time to demonstrate that corsets and tight
lacing do not necessarily go hand in hand. Distortion and feebleness are
not beauty. A proper proportion should exist between the size of the waist
and the breadth of the shoulders and hips, and if the waist is diminished
below this proportion, it suggests disproportion and invalidism rather than
grace and beauty.

8. The perfect corset is one which possesses just that degree of rigidity
which will prevent it from wrinkling, but will at the same time allow
freedom in the bending and twisting of the body. Corsets boned with
whalebone, horn or steel are necessarily stiff, rigid and uncomfortable.
After a few days' wear the bones or steels become bent and set in position,
or, as more frequently happens, they break and cause injury or discomfort
to the wearer.

9. About seven years ago an article was discovered for the stiffening of
corsets, which has revolutionized the corset industry of the world. This
article is manufactured from {103} the natural fibers of the Mexican Ixtle
plant, and is known as Coraline. It consists of straight, stiff fibers like
bristles bound together into a cord by being wound with two strands of
thread passing in opposite directions. This produces an elastic fiber
intermediate in stiffness between twine and whalebone. It cannot break, but
it possesses all the stiffness and flexibility necessary to hold the corset
in shape and prevent its wrinkling.

We congratulate the ladies of to-day upon the advantages they enjoy over
their sisters of two centuries ago, in the forms and the graceful and easy
curves of the corsets now made as compared with those of former times.

[Illustration: Forms of Corsets in the time of Elizabeth of England.]

{104}

TIGHT-LACING.

[Illustration: EGYPTIAN CORSET.]

[Illustration: THE NATURAL WAIST.
THE EFFECTS OF LACING.]

It destroys natural beauty and creates an unpleasant and irritable temper.
A tight-laced chest and a good disposition cannot go together. The human
form has been molded by nature, the best shape is undoubtedly that which
she has given it. To endeavor to render it more elegant by artificial means
is to change it; to make it much smaller below and much larger above is to
destroy its beauty; to keep it cased up in a kind of domestic cuirass is
not only to deform it, but to expose the internal parts to serious injury.
Under such compression as is commonly practiced by ladies, the {105}
development of the bones, which are still tender, does not take place
conformably to the intention of nature, because nutrition is necessarily
stopped, and they consequently become twisted and deformed.

Those who wear these appliances of tight-lacing often complain that they
cannot sit upright without them--are sometimes, indeed, compelled to wear
them during all the twenty-four hours; a fact which proves to what extent
such articles weaken the muscles of the trunk. The injury does not fall
merely on the internal structure of the body, but also on its beauty, and
on the temper and feelings with which that beauty is associated. Beauty is
in reality but another name for expression of countenance, which is the
index of sound health, intelligence, good feelings and peace of mind. All
are aware that uneasy feelings, existing habitually in the breast speedily
exhibit their signature on the countenance, and that bitter thoughts or a
bad temper spoil the human expression of its comeliness and grace.

       *       *       *       *       *


{107}

The Care of the Hair.

[Illustration: NATURAL HAIR.]

1. THE COLOR OF THE HAIR.--The color of the hair corresponds with that of
the skin--being dark or black, with a dark complexion, and red or yellow
with a fair skin. When a white skin is seen in conjunction with black hair,
as among the women of Syria and Barbary, the apparent exception arises from
protection from the sun's rays, and opposite colors are often found among
people of one prevailing feature. Thus red-haired Jews are not uncommon,
though the nation in general have dark complexion and hair.

2. THE IMPERISHABLE NATURE OF HAIR.--The imperishable nature of hair arises
from the combination of salt and metals in its composition. In old tombs
and on mummies it has been found in a perfect state, after a lapse of over
two thousand years. There are many curious accounts proving the
indestructibility of the human hair.

3. TUBULAR.--In the human family the hairs are tubular, the tubes being
intersected by partitions, resembling in some degree the cellular tissue of
plants. Their hollowness prevents incumbrance from weight, while their
power of resistance is increased by having their traverse sections rounded
in form.

4. CAUTIONS.--It is ascertained that a full head of hair, beard and
whiskers, are a prevention against colds and consumptions. Occasionally,
however, it is found necessary to remove the hair from the head, in cases
of fever or disease, to stay the inflammatory symptoms, and to relieve the
brain. The head should invariably be kept cool. Close night-caps are
unhealthy, and smoking-caps and coverings for the head within doors are
alike detrimental to the free growth of the hair, weakening it, and causing
it to fall out.

HOW TO BEAUTIFY AND PRESERVE THE HAIR.

1. TO BEAUTIFY THE HAIR.--Keep the head clean, the pores of the skin open,
and the whole circulatory system in a healthy condition, and you will have
no need of bear's grease (alias hog's lard). Where there is a tendency in
the hair to fall off on account of the weakness or sluggishness of the
circulation, or an unhealthy state of the skin, cold water and friction
with a tolerably stiff brush are probably the best remedial agents.

2. BARBER'S SHAMPOOS.--Are very beneficial if properly prepared. They
should not be made too strong. Avoid strong shampoos of any kind. Great
caution should be exercised in this matter. {108}

3. CARE OF THE HAIR.--To keep the hair healthy, keep the head clean. Brush
the scalp well with a stiff brush, while dry. Then wash with castile soap,
and rub into the roots, bay rum, brandy or camphor water. This done twice a
month will prove beneficial. Brush the scalp thoroughly twice a week.
Dampen the hair with soft water at the toilet, and do not use oil.

4. HAIR WASH.--Take one ounce of borax, half an ounce of camphor
powder--these ingredients fine--and dissolve them in one quart of boiling
water. When cool, the solution will be ready for use. Dampen the hair
frequently. This wash is said not only to cleanse and beautify, but to
strengthen the hair, preserve the color and prevent baldness.

ANOTHER EXCELLENT WASH.--The best wash we know for cleansing and softening
the hair is an egg beaten up and rubbed well into the hair, and afterwards
washed out with several washes of warm water.

5. THE ONLY SENSIBLE AND SAFE HAIR OIL.--The following is considered a most
valuable preparation: Take of extract of yellow Peruvian bark, fifteen
grains; extract of rhatany root, eight grains; extract of burdoch root and
oil of nutmegs (fixed), of each two drachms; camphor (dissolve with spirits
of wine), fifteen grains; beef marrow, two ounces; best olive oil, one
ounce; citron juice, half a drachm; aromatic essential oil, as much as
sufficient to render it fragrant; mix and make into an ointment. Two
drachms of bergamot, and a few drops of attar of roses would suffice.

6. HAIR WASH.--A good hair wash is soap and water, and the oftener it is
applied the freer the surface of the head will be from scurf. The
hair-brush should also be kept in requisition morning and evening.

7. TO REMOVE SUPERFLUOUS HAIR.--With those who dislike the use of arsenic,
the following is used for removing superfluous hair from the skin: Lime,
one ounce; carbonate of potash, two ounces; charcoal powder, one drachm.
For use, make it into a paste with a little warm water, and apply it to the
part, previously shaved close. As soon as it has become thoroughly dry, it
may be washed off with a little warm water.

8. COLORING FOR EYELASHES AND EYEBROWS.--In eyelashes the chief element of
beauty consists in their being long and glossy; the eyebrows should be
finely arched and clearly divided from each other. The most innocent
darkener of the brow is the expressed juice of the elderberry, or a burnt
clove. {109}

[Illustration: DISCUSSING THE FASHIONS.]

9. CRIMPING HAIR.--To make the hair stay in crimps, take five cents worth
of gum arabic and add to it just enough boiling water to dissolve it. When
dissolved, add enough alcohol to make it rather thin. Let this stand all
night and then bottle it to prevent the alcohol from evaporating. This put
on the hair at night, after it is done up in papers or pins, will make it
stay in crimp the hottest day, and is perfectly harmless.

10. TO CURL THE HAIR.--There is no preparation that will make naturally
straight hair assume a permanent curl. The following will keep the hair in
curl for a short time: Take borax, two ounces; gum arabic, one drachm; and
hot {110} water, not boiling, one quart; stir, and, as soon as the
ingredients are dissolved, add three tablespoonfuls of strong spirits of
camphor. On retiring to rest, wet the hair with the above liquid, and roll
in twists of paper as usual. Do not disturb the hair until morning, when
untwist and form into ringlets.

11. FOR FALLING OR LOOSENING OF THE HAIR.--Take:

  Alcohol, a half pint.
  Salt, as much as will dissolve.
  Glycerine, a tablespoonful.
  Flour of sulphur, teaspoonful. Mix.

Rub on the scalp every morning.

12. TO DARKEN THE HAIR WITHOUT BAD EFFECTS.--Take:

  Blue vitriol (powdered), one drachm.
  Alcohol, one ounce.
  Essence of roses, ten drops.
  Rain-water, a half-pint.

Shake together until they are thoroughly dissolved.

13. GRAY HAIR.--There are no known means by which the hair can be prevented
from turning gray, and none which can restore it to its original hue,
except through the process of dyeing. The numerous "hair color restorers"
which are advertised are chemical preparations which act in the manner of a
dye or as a paint, and are nearly always dependent for their power on the
presence of lead. This mineral, applied to the skin, for a long time, will
lead to the most disastrous maladies--lead-palsy, lead colic, and other
symptoms of poisoning. It should, therefore, never be used for this
purpose.

[Illustration]

       *       *       *       *       *


{111}

How to Cure Pimples or Other Facial Eruptions.

[Illustration]

1. It requires self-denial to get rid of pimples, for persons troubled with
them will persist in eating fat meats and other articles of food calculated
to produce them. Avoid the use of rich gravies, or pastry, or anything of
the kind in excess. Take all the out-door exercise yon can and never
indulge in a late supper. Retire at a reasonable hour, and rise early in
the morning. Sulphur to purify the blood may be taken three times a week--a
thimbleful in a glass of milk before breakfast. It takes some time for the
sulphur to do its work, therefore persevere in its use till the humors, or
pimples, or blotches, disappear. Avoid getting wet while taking the
sulphur.

2. TRY THIS RECIPE: Wash the face twice a day in warm water, and rub dry
with a coarse towel. Then with a soft towel rub in a lotion made of two
ounces of white brandy, one ounce of cologne, and one-half ounce of liquor
potassa. {112} Persons subject to skin eruptions should avoid very salty or
fat food. A dose of Epsom salts occasionally might prove beneficial.

3. Wash the face in a dilution of carbolic acid, allowing one teaspoonful
to a pint of water. This is an excellent and purifying lotion, and may be
used on the most delicate skins. Be careful about letting this wash get
into the eyes.

4. Oil of sweet almonds, one ounce; fluid potash, one drachm. Shake well
together, and then add rose water, one ounce; pure water, six ounces. Mix.
Rub the pimples or blotches for some minutes with a rough towel, and then
dab them with the lotion.

5. Dissolve one ounce of borax, and sponge the face with it every night.
When there are insects, rub on flower of sulphur dry after washing, rub
well and wipe dry; use plenty of castile soap.

6. Dilute corrosive sublimate with oil of almonds. A few days' application
will remove them.

       *       *       *       *       *

BLACK-HEADS AND FLESH WORMS.

[Illustration: A Regular Flesh Worm Greatly Magnified.]

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: A HEALTHY COMPLEXION.]

This is a minute little creature, scientifically called _Demodex
folliculorum_, hardly visible to the naked eye, with comparatively large
fore body, a more slender hind body and eight little stumpy processes that
do duty as legs. No specialized head is visible, although of course there
is a mouth orifice. These creatures live on the sweat glands or pores of
the human face, and owing to the appearance that they give to the infested
pores, they are usually known as "black-heads." It is not at all uncommon
to see an otherwise pretty face disfigured by these ugly creatures,
although the insects themselves are nearly transparent white. The black
appearance is really due the accumulation of dirt which gets under the
edges of the skin of the enlarged sweat glands and cannot be removed in the
ordinary way by washing, because the abnormal, hardened secretion of the
gland itself becomes stained. These insects are so lowly organized that it
is almost impossible to satisfactorily deal with them. {113} and they
sometimes cause the continual festering of the skin which they inhabit.

REMEDY.--Press them out with a hollow key or with the thumb and fingers,
and apply a mixture of sulphur and cream every evening. Wash every morning
with the best toilet soap, or wash the face with hot water with a soft
flannel at bedtime.

       *       *       *       *       *


{114}

Love.

  But there's nothing half so sweet in life
  As love's young dream.--MOORE.

              All love is sweet,
  Given or returned. Common as light is love,
  And its familiar voice wearies not ever.--SHELLEY.

  Doubt thou the stars are fire,
    Doubt that the sun doth move;
  Doubt truth to be a liar,
    But never doubt I love.--SHAKESPEARE.

  Let those love now who never loved before,
  Let those that always loved now love the more.--PARNELL.

[Illustration: LOVE'S YOUNG DREAM.]

1. LOVE BLENDS YOUNG HEARTS.--Love blends young hearts in blissful unity,
and, for the time, so ignores past ties and affections, as to make willing
separation of the son from his father's house, and the daughter from all
the sweet endearments of her childhood's home, to go out together, and rear
for themselves an altar, around which shall cluster all the cares and
delights, the anxieties and sympathies, of the family relationship; this
love, if pure, unselfish, and discreet, constitutes the chief usefulness
and happiness of human life.

2. WITHOUT LOVE.--Without love there would be no organized households, and,
consequently, none of that earnest endeavor for competence and
respectability, which is the mainspring to human effort; none of those
sweet, softening, restraining and elevating influences of domestic life,
which can alone fill the earth with the glory of the Lord and make glad the
city of Zion. This love is indeed heaven upon earth; but above would not be
heaven without it; where there is not love, there is fear; but, "love
casteth out fear." And yet we naturally do offend what we most love.

3. LOVE IS THE SUN OF LIFE.--Most beautiful in morning and evening, but
warmest and steadiest at noon. It is the sun of the soul. Life without love
is worse than death; a world without a sun. The love which does not lead to
labor will soon die out, and the thankfulness which does not embody itself
in sacrifices is already changing to gratitude. Love is not ripened in one
day, nor in many, nor even in a human lifetime. It is the oneness of soul
with soul in appreciation and perfect trust. To be blessed it must rest in
that faith in the Divine which underlies every other motion. To be true, it
must be eternal as God himself.

4. LOVE IS DEPENDENT.--Remember that love is dependent upon forms; courtesy
of etiquette guards and protects courtesy of heart. How many hearts have
been lost irrevocably, and how many averted eyes and cold looks have been
gained from what seemed, perhaps, but a trifling negligence of forms?

{116}

[Illustration: LOVE MAKING IN THE EARLY COLONIAL DAYS.]

5. RADICAL DIFFERENCES.--Men and women should not be judged by the same
rules. There are many radical differences in their affectional natures. Man
is the creature of interest and ambition. His nature leads him forth into
the struggle and bustle of the world. Love is but the embellishment of his
early life, or a song piped in the intervals of the acts. He seeks for
fame, for fortune, for space in the world's thoughts, and dominion over his
fellow-men. But a woman's whole life is a history of the affections. The
heart is her world; it is there her ambition strives for empire; it is
there her ambition seeks for hidden treasures. She sends forth her
sympathies on adventure; she embarks her whole soul in the traffic of
affection; and if shipwrecked her case is hopeless, for it is bankruptcy of
the heart.

6. WOMAN'S LOVE.--Woman's love is stronger than death; it rises superior to
adversity, and towers in sublime beauty above the niggardly selfishness of
the world. Misfortune cannot suppress it; enmity cannot alienate it;
temptation cannot enslave it. It is the guardian angel of the nursery and
the sick bed; it gives an affectionate concord to the partnership of life
and interest, circumstances cannot modify it; it ever remains the same to
sweeten existence, to purify the cup of life, on the rugged pathway to the
grave, and melt to moral pliability the brittle nature of man. It is the
ministering spirit of home, hovering in soothing caresses over the cradle,
and the death-bed of the household, and filling up the urn of all its
sacred memories.

7. A LADY'S COMPLEXION.--He who loves a lady's complexion, form and
features, loves not her true self, but her soul's old clothes. The love
that has nothing but beauty to sustain it, soon withers and dies. The love
that is fed with presents always requires feeding. Love, and love only, is
the loan for love. Love is of the nature of a burning glass, which, kept
still in one place, fireth; changed often, it doth nothing. The purest joy
we can experience in one we love, is to see that person a source of
happiness to others. When you are with the person loved, you have no sense
of being bored. This humble and trivial circumstance is the great test--the
only sure and abiding test of love.

8. TWO SOULS COME TOGETHER.--When two souls come together, each seeking to
magnify the other, each in subordinate sense worshiping the other, each
help the other; the two flying together so that each wing-beat of the one
helps each wing-beat of the other--when two souls come together thus, they
are lovers. They who unitedly move themselves away from grossness and from
earth, toward the throne of crystaline and the pavement golden, are,
indeed, true lovers.

{118}

[Illustration: CUPID'S CAPTURED VICTIM.]

The Power and Peculiarities of Love.

       *       *       *       *       *

LOVE IS A TONIC AND A REMEDY FOR DISEASE, MAKES PEOPLE LOOK YOUNGER,
CREATES INDUSTRY, ETC.

       *       *       *       *       *

 "All thoughts, all passions, all desires,
    Whatever stirs this mortal frame,
  Are ministers of Love,
    And feed his sacred flame."

1. It is a physological fact long demonstrated that persons possessing a
loving disposition borrow less of the cares of life, and also live much
longer than persons with a strong, narrow and selfish nature. Persons who
love scenery, love domestic animals, show great attachment for all friends;
love their home dearly and find interest and enchantment in almost
everything have qualities of mind and heart which indicate good health and
a happy disposition.

2. Persons who love music and are constantly humming or whistling a tune,
are persons that need not be feared, they are kind-hearted and with few
exceptions possess a loving disposition. Very few good musicians become
criminals.

3. Parents that cultivate a love among then children will find that the
same feeling will soon be manifested in their children's disposition.
Sunshine in the hearts of the parents will blossom in the lives of the
children. The parent who continually cherishes a feeling of dislike and
rebellion in his soul, cultivating moral hatred against his fellow-man,
will soon find the same things manifested by his son. As the son resembles
his father in looks so he will to a certain extent resemble him in
character. Love in the heart of the parent will beget kindness and
affection in the heart of a child. Continuous scolding and fretting in the
home will soon make love a stranger. {119}

[Illustration: THE TURKISH WAY OF MAKING LOVE]

4. If you desire to cultivate love, create harmony in all your feelings and
faculties. Remember that all that is pure, holy and virtuous in love flows
from the deepest fountain of the human soul. Poison the fountain and you
change virtue to vice, and happiness to misery.

5. Love strengthens health, and disappointment cultivates disease. A person
in love will invariably enjoy the best of health. Ninety-nine per cent. of
our strong constitutioned men, now in physical ruin, have wrecked
themselves on the breakers of an unnatural love. Nothing but right love and
a right marriage will restore them to health.

6. All men feel much better for going a courting, providing they court
purely. Nothing tears the life out of man more than lust, vulgar thoughts
and immoral conduct. The libertine or harlot has changed love, God's purest
gift to man, into lust. They cannot acquire love in its purity again, the
sacred flame has vanished forever. Love is pure, and cannot be found in the
heart of a seducer.

7. A woman is never so bright and full of health as when deeply in love.
Many sickly and frail women are snatched from the clutches of some deadly
disease and restored to health by falling in love.

8. It is a long established fact that married persons are healthier than
unmarried persons; thus it proves that health and happiness belong to the
home. Health depends upon mind. Love places the mind into a delightful
state and quickens every human function, makes the blood circulate and
weaves threads of joy into cables of domestic love.

[Illustration: PREPARING TO ENTERTAIN HER LOVER.]

9. An old but true proverb: "A true man loving one woman will speak well of
all women. A true woman loving one man will speak well of all men. A good
wife praises all men, but praises her husband most. A good man praises all
women, but praises his wife most."

10. Persons deeply in love become peculiarly pleasant, winning and tender.
It is said that a musician can never excel or an artist do his best until
he has been deeply in love. A good orator, a great statesman or great men
in general are greater and better for having once been thoroughly in love.
A man who truly loves his wife and home is always a safe man to trust.

11. Love makes people look younger in years. People in unhappy homes look
older and more worn and fatigued. A woman at thirty, well courted and well
married, looks five or ten years younger than a woman of the same age
unhappily married. Old maids and bachelors always look older {120} than
they are. A flirting widow always looks younger than an old maid of like
age.

12. Love renders women industrious and frugal, and a loving husband spends
lavishly on a loved wife and children, though miserly towards others.

13. Love cultivates self-respect and produces beauty. Beauty in walk and
beauty in looks; a girl in love is at her best; it brings out the finest
traits of her character, she walks more erect and is more generous and
forgiving; her voice is sweeter and she makes happy all about her. She
works better, sings better and is better.

14. Now in conclusion, a love marriage is the best life insurance policy;
it pays dividends every day, while every other insurance policy merely
promises to pay after death. Remember that statistics demonstrate that
married people outlive old maids and old bachelors by a goodly number of
years and enjoy healthier and happier lives.

       *       *       *       *       *


{122}

Amativeness or Connubial Love.

[Illustration: CONFIDENCE.]

1. MULTIPLYING THE RACE.--Some means for multiplying our race is necessary
to prevent its extinction by death. Propagation and death appertain to
man's earthly existence. If the Deity had seen fit to bring every member of
the human family into being by a direct act of creative power, without the
agency of parents, the present wise and benevolent arrangements of husbands
and wives, parents and children, friends and neighbors, would have been
superseded, and all opportunities for exercising parental and connubial
love, in which so much enjoyment is taken, cut off. But the domestic
feelings and relations, as now arranged, must strike every philosophical
observer as inimitably beautiful and perfect--as the offspring of infinite
Wisdom and Goodness combined.

2. AMATIVENESS AND ITS COMBINATIONS constitute their origin, counterpart,
and main medium of manifestation. Its primary function is connubial love.
From it, mainly, spring those feelings which exist between the sexes as
such and {123} result in marriage and offspring. Combined with the higher
sentiments, it gives rise to all those reciprocal kind feelings and
nameless courtesies which each sex manifests towards the other; refining
and elevating both, promoting gentility and politeness, and greatly
increasing social and general happiness.

3. RENDERS MEN MORE POLITE TO WOMEN.--So far from being in the least gross
or indelicate, its proper exercise is pure, chaste, virtuous, and even an
ingredient in good manners. It is this which renders men always more polite
towards women than to one another, and more refined in their society, and
which makes women more kind, grateful, genteel and tender towards men than
women. It makes mothers love their sons more than their daughters, and
fathers more attached to their daughters. Man's endearing recollections of
his mother or wife form his most powerful incentives to virtue, study, and
good deeds, as well as restraints upon his vicious inclinations; and, in
proportion as a young man is dutiful and affectionate to his mother, will
he be fond of his wife; for, this faculty is the parent of both.

4. ALL SHOULD CULTIVATE THE FACULTY OF AMATIVENESS OR CONNUBIAL
LORE.--Study the personal charms and mental accomplishments of the other
sex by ardent admirers of beautiful forms, and study graceful movements and
elegant manners, and remember, much depends upon the tones and accents of
the voice. Never be gruff if you desire to be winning. Seek and enjoy and
reciprocate fond looks and feelings. Before you can create favorable
impressions you must first be honest and sincere and natural, and your
conquest will be sure and certain.

       *       *       *       *       *

Love and Common-Sense.

1. Do you love her because she goes to the altar with her head full of book
learning, her hands of no earthly use, save for the piano and brush;
because she has no conception of the duties and responsibilities of a wife;
because she hates housework, hates its everlasting routine and ever
recurring duties; because she hates children and will adopt every means to
evade motherhood; because she loves her ease, loves to have her will
supreme, loves, oh how well, to be free to go and come, to let the days
slip idly by, to be absolved from all responsibility, to live without
labor, without care? Will you love her selfish, shirking, calculating
nature after twenty years of close companionship?

2. Do you love him because he is a man, and therefore, no matter how weak
mentally, morally or physically he may {124} be, he has vested in him the
power to save you from the ignominy of an old maid's existence? Because you
would rather be Mrs. Nobody, than make the effort to be Miss Somebody?
because you have a great empty place in your head and heart that nothing
but a man can fill? because you feel you cannot live without him? God grant
the time may never come when you cannot live with him.

[Illustration: AN EARNEST CALLER.]

3. Do you love her because she is a thoroughly womanly woman; for her
tender sympathetic nature; for the jewels of her life, which are absolute
purity of mind and heart; for the sweet sincerity of her disposition; for
her loving, charitable thought; for her strength of character? because she
is pitiful to the sinful, tender to the sorrowful, capable, self-reliant,
modest, true-hearted? in brief, because she is the embodiment of all
womanly virtues?

4. Do you love him because he is a manly man; because the living and
operating principle of his life is a tender reverence for all women;
because his love is the overflow of the best part of his nature; because he
has never soiled his soul with an unholy act or his lips with an oath;
because mentally he is a man among men; because physically he stands head
and shoulders above the masses; because morally he is far beyond suspicion,
in his thought, word or deed; because his earnest manly consecrated life is
a mighty power on God's side?

5. But there always has been and always will be unhappy marriages until men
learn what husbandhood means; how to care for that tenderly matured,
delicately constituted being, that he takes into his care and keeping. That
if her wonderful adjusted organism is overtaxed and overburdened, her
happiness, which is largely dependent upon her health, is destroyed.

6. Until men give the women they marry the undivided love of their heart;
until constancy is the key-note of a life which speaks eloquently of clean
thoughts and clean hearts.

7. Until men and women recognize that self-control in a man, and modesty in
a woman, will bring a mutual respect that years of wedded life will only
strengthen. Until they recognize that love is the purest and holiest of all
things known to humanity, will marriage continue to bring unhappiness and
discontent, instead of that comfort and restful peace which all loyal souls
have a right to expect and enjoy.

8. Be sensible and marry a sensible, honest and industrious companion, and
happiness through life will be your reward.

{126}

[Illustration]

What Women Love in Men.

1. Women naturally love courage, force and firmness in men. The ideal man
in a woman's eye must be heroic and brave. Woman naturally despises a
coward, and she has little or no respect for a bashful man.

2. Woman naturally loves her lord and master. Women who desperately object
to be overruled, nevertheless admire men who overrule them, and few women
would have any respect for a man whom they could completely rule and
control.

3. Man is naturally the protector of woman; as the male wild animal of the
forest protects the female, so it is natural for man to protect his wife
and children, and therefore woman admires those qualities in a man which
make him a protector.

4. LARGE MEN.--Women naturally love men of strength, size and fine
physique, a tall, large and strong man rather than a short, small and weak
man. A woman always pities a weakly man, but rarely ever has any love for
him.

5. SMALL AND WEAKLY MEN.--All men would be of good size in frame and flesh,
were it not for the infirmities visited upon them by the indiscretion of
parents and ancestors of generations before.

6. YOUTHFUL SEXUAL EXCITEMENT.--There are many children born healthy and
vigorous who destroy the full vigor of their generative organs in youth by
self-abuse, and if they survive and marry, their children will have small
bones, small frames and sickly constitutions. It is therefore not strange
that instinct should lead women to admire men not touched with these
symptoms of physical debility.

7. GENEROSITY.--Woman generally loves a generous man. Religion absorbs a
great amount of money in temples, churches, ministerial salaries, etc., and
ambition and appetite absorb countless millions, yet woman receives more
gifts from man than all these combined: she {127} loves a generous giver.
_Generosity and Gallantry_ are the jewels which she most admires. A woman
receiving presents from a man implies that she will pay him back in love,
and the woman who accepts a man's presents, and does not respect him,
commits a wrong which is rarely ever forgiven.

8. INTELLIGENCE.--Above all other qualities in man, woman admires his
intelligence. Intelligence is man's woman-captivating card. This character
in woman is illustrated by an English army officer, as told by O. S.
Fowler, betrothed in marriage to a beautiful, loving heiress, summoned to
India, who wrote back to her:

"I have lost an eye, a leg, an arm, and been so badly marred and begrimmed
besides, that you never could love this poor, maimed soldier. Yet, I love
you too well to make your life wretched by requiring you to keep your
marriage-vow with me, from which I hereby release you. Find among English
peers one physically more perfect, whom you can love better."

She answered, as all genuine women must answer:

"Your noble mind, your splendid talents, your martial prowess which maimed
you, are what I love. As long as you retain sufficient body to contain the
casket of your soul, which alone is what I admire, I love you all the same,
and long to make you mine forever."

9. SOFT MEN.--All women despise soft and silly men more than all other
defects in their character. Woman never can love a man whose conversation
is flat and insipid. Every man seeking woman's appreciation or love should
always endeavor to show his intelligence and manifest an interest in books
and daily papers. He should read books and inform himself so that he can
talk intelligently upon the various topics of the day. Even an ignorant
woman always loves superior intelligence.

10. SEXUAL VIGOR.--Women love sexual vigor in men. This is human nature.
Weakly and delicate fathers have weak and puny children, though the mother
may be strong and robust. A weak mother often bears strong children, if the
father is physically and sexually vigorous. Consumption is often inherited
from fathers, because they furnish the body, yet more women die with it
because of female obstructions. Hence women love passion in men, because it
endows their offspring with strong functional vigor.

11. PASSIONATE MEN.--The less passion any woman possesses, the more she
prizes a strong passionate man. This is a natural consequence, for if she
married one equally {128} passionless, their children would be poorly
endowed or they would have none; she therefore admires him who makes up the
deficiency. Hence very amorous men prefer quiet, modest and reserved women.

12. HOMELY MEN are admired by women if they are large, strong and vigorous
and possess a good degree of intelligence. Looks are trifles compared with
the other qualities which man may possess.

13. YOUNG MAN, If you desire to win the love and admiration of young
ladies, first, be intelligent; read books and papers; remember what you
read, so you can talk about it. Second, be generous and do not show a
stingy and penurious disposition when in the company of ladies. Third, be
sensible, original, and have opinions of your own and do not agree with
everything that someone else says, or agree with everything that a lady may
say. Ladies naturally admire genteel and intelligent discussions and
conversations when there is someone to talk with who has an opinion of his
own. Woman despises a man who has no opinion of his own; she hates a
trifling disposition and admires leadership, original ideas, and looks up
to man as a leader. Women despise all men whom they can manage, overrule,
cow-down and subdue.

14. BE SELF-SUPPORTING.--The young man who gives evidence of thrift is
always in demand. Be enthusiastic and drive with success all that you
undertake. A young man, sober, honest and industrious, holding a
responsible position or having a business of his own, is a prize that some
bright and beautiful young lady would like to draw. Woman admires

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