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Dwell Deep; or, Hilda Thorn's Life Story

by Amy Le Feuvre · English · Gutenberg #22243 · 285,802 chars · public domain (US)

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Title: Dwell Deep; or, Hilda Thorn's Life Story

Author: Amy Le Feuvre


        
Release date: August 5, 2007 [eBook #22243]
                Most recently updated: January 2, 2021

Language: English

Other information and formats: www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/22243

Credits: Produced by Al Haines


*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK DWELL DEEP; OR, HILDA THORN'S LIFE STORY ***




Produced by Al Haines










[Frontispiece: NOTHING WOULD PACIFY HIM UNTIL I GAVE HIM A TUNE.]






DWELL DEEP


OR

_HILDA THORN'S LIFE STORY_



BY

AMY LE FEUVRE


AUTHOR OF "PROBABLE SONS," "TEDDY'S BUTTON,"
  "ERIC'S GOOD NEWS," "ODD," ETC.




LONDON

THE RELIGIOUS TRACT SOCIETY

MANCHESTER, MADRID, LISBON, BUDAPEST

1896




CONTENTS


CHAPTER

     I  A NEW HOME
    II  TAKING A STAND
   III  THE REASON WHY
    IV  AN OPENING FOR WORK
     V  OPPORTUNITIES
    VI  ONLY A FRIEND
   VII  A FRESH ACQUAINTANCE
  VIII  DRAWN TOGETHER
    IX  QUIET DAYS
     X  LONG AGO
    XI  A DIFFERENT ATMOSPHERE
   XII  A TEST
  XIII  TAKE HOME
   XIV  WOOED AND WON
    XV  A GATHERING CLOUD
   XVI  DARK DAYS
  XVII  DAWN
 XVIII  WEDDED
   XIX  OLD FRIENDS




DWELL DEEP


CHAPTER I

A NEW HOME

  'Meet is it changes should control
  Our being, lest we rust in ease.'--_Tennyson._


A golden cornfield in the still sunshine of a warm August afternoon.
In one corner of it, bordering a green lane, a group of shady elms, and
under their shadow a figure of a young girl, who, gazing dreamily
before her, sat leaning her head against an old gnarled trunk in quiet
content.  A small-shaped head, with dark curly hair, and a pair of
blue-grey eyes with black curved lashes, these were perhaps her chief
characteristics; more I cannot say, for it is difficult to describe
oneself, and it was I, Hilda Thorn, who was seated there.

It was a beautiful scene before me.  Beyond the corn stretched a green
valley, and far in the distance were blue misty hills and moorland.  My
soul seemed rested by the sweet stillness around, but from the beauties
of nature my eyes kept reverting to the Bible on my knee, and two words
on the open page were occupying my thoughts--'Dwell deep.'

I had been left an orphan at the age of ten, both parents dying in
India whilst I was at an English boarding-school.  There I stayed till
I was nineteen, when I went to an old cousin in London, and for three
years I lived a quiet uneventful life in a dull London square, seeing
very little society but that of elderly ladies and a few clergymen.

Suddenly my whole life was changed.  My guardian, who had been living
abroad with his wife and family, returned to England, and wished me to
make my home with him.  And my cousin was quite willing that it should
be so.

'You are young, my dear,' she said to me, 'and it is only right for you
to mix with young people and see the world.  I am getting to prefer
being alone, so I shall not miss you.'

It did not take long to settle matters, and I soon left London for my
guardian's lovely place in Hertfordshire, feeling both shy and curious
at the strange future before me.

But during my stay in London there had been another and perhaps a
greater change in my life than this.  I had been brought up
religiously, had said my prayers night and morning, and had read my
Bible regularly once a day, but with these outward forms my religion
ceased.

I suppose all my thoughts were in the world and of the world.  I had
been a favourite with my school-fellows, who assured me I had more than
my fair share of beauty, and with all the ignorance and inexperience of
girlhood had planned out glowing descriptions of the brilliant offers
of marriage I would have, and the delightful times before me.  I
listened and laughed at them, yet had chafed at the quiet monotony of
my cousin's home, and had longed for a break to come in the dull
routine of our daily life.

Then one night I had attended some mission services that were held in
our church, and for the first time beheld life and death as they are in
reality.  For several days I was in great distress of mind, and turned
with real earnestness to my Bible for guidance and comfort.  The light
came at last, and I saw how completely Christ had taken my place as a
sinner, and how as a little child I must come and claim the pardon that
He had died to procure, and was now holding out to me as a free gift.

This brought a wonderful joy into my life, and as each day seemed to
draw me nearer to my Saviour, I felt that no life could be monotonous
with all the boundless opportunities of speaking and working for Him.
My craving for a gay, worldly life passed away, and a deep, restful
peace crept into my heart and remained there.

When I told my cousin of my experience she looked puzzled, and shook
her head.

'Young people nowadays always go to such extremes; but you look happy,
child, and I shall not interfere with your serious views.'

And then my guardian arrived on the scene--a tall, stern-looking man,
with iron-grey hair.  He had just retired from an Indian cavalry
regiment, and still bore upon him the stamp of an officer accustomed to
command.

He only stayed with us a few days, and then carried me off to his
country home.  It all seemed very strange to me, and, though Mrs.
Forsyth gave me a warm welcome, I could see I was an object of
curiosity and criticism on the part of her three daughters, who were
all lively, talkative girls.  Two grown-up sons completed the home
circle, both of whom seemed to be at home doing nothing.  I learnt
afterwards that Hugh, the eldest, wrote a great deal for some
scientific magazines, and was up in London very constantly engaged in
literary pursuits.

My thoughts were perplexed and anxious as I laid my head down on my
pillow the first night.  Little as I had as yet seen of them, I knew
from the conversation around me that there was no one who would
sympathise with me in religious matters.  How should I, a mere beginner
in the Christian life, be able to take a stand amongst this happy,
careless family circle, who already were including me in dances and
theatricals that were shortly coming off in the neighbourhood?  And
then the next afternoon, pleading fatigue from my journey, I saw the
girls go off to a tennis party with their mother and, taking my Bible
in hand, crept out of the house and grounds, and found my way, as I
have already mentioned, into that quiet, sunshiny cornfield.

Was it by chance that my eyes alighted on those two little words in
Jeremiah?  I think not.  I had heard a sermon upon them, and now I
seized hold of them with a fresh realization of their strength and
beauty.

'Dwell deep!'  Oh, how I silently prayed, as I sat there looking up
into the bright blue above me, that I might do so day by day and hour
by hour!  Silently could I feast and refresh my soul, even amidst the
gay laughter and talk around me, for had I not an unseen Friend always
with me, upon whom I could lean for support and guidance through every
detail in my daily life?

And so I sat on, drinking in the sweet, fresh country air, and feeling
so thankful for the quiet time I was having.

Suddenly the barking of a dog and men's voices roused me from my
meditations, and in another moment Kenneth Forsyth sprang over a stile
near, and approached me, in company with another young fellow about the
same age.

'Halloo!' was his exclamation as he perceived me; 'is it you, Miss
Thorn?  And all by yourself, too?  What a shame of the girls!  Let me
introduce my friend, Captain Gates.  You certainly have selected a cool
spot.  May we share your retreat?  We were just lamenting the heat, and
longing for a piece of shade.'

And, without waiting for my answer, he flung himself down on the grass
beside me, whilst Captain Gates lounged against a tree close by.

I was a little vexed at the interruption, and did not feel inclined to
stay there with them.  Kenneth was at present almost a stranger to me.
He had a mischievous, quizzical intonation in his voice when he spoke
to me, and Violet, his youngest sister, a bright, merry schoolgirl of
fourteen, had confided in me the previous night that 'Kenneth was never
so happy as when he was teasing people, and that he took stock of every
one, and mimicked them--very often to their faces.'

I closed my little Bible quietly.  My first impulse had been to hide
it, but I conquered that as being unworthy of a Christian, and then I
said brightly,--

'I have enjoyed this so much.  You don't know what a pleasure it is,
after the grime and smoke and roar of London, to come to a place like
this.  Your sisters wanted me to go with them this afternoon, but I was
a little tired, so came out here instead.'

'And are you fond of solitude?' inquired Captain Gates.  'Most girls
are not, I fancy.'

'I like it--sometimes,' I replied slowly.

'This afternoon, for instance,' Kenneth said, with a laugh.  'But too
much solitude is bad for the young, so we are breaking in upon it for a
good purpose.  It makes them morbid and self-engrossed.'

I saw that his quick eyes had already noted my Bible, and was vexed to
feel my cheeks flushing.

'Miss Thorn's appearance is certainly not morbid,' said Captain Gates
good-naturedly; and as I looked up at him I met a frank, kindly glance
from his dark eyes.

'No, I am not morbid,' I said; 'I am very happy.'

'Ah!' put in Kenneth with a mock sigh, 'you are looking out at life
with inexperienced eyes at present, and everything has a roseate hue to
you.  Your experience has yet to come!'

For some little time longer they stayed there with me laughing and
talking, and then we all went back to the house together, and my quiet
time was over.  I liked Kenneth better than his brother Hugh, who
seemed to me to be too sarcastic and supercilious for any one to be
comfortable in his presence; but there was a look of mischief in
Kenneth's eyes which puzzled me, as again and again this afternoon his
glance met mine.

At dinner I was enlightened.  It was a merry home party that night.
Captain Gates and another man, a Mr. Stroud by name, had come to stay
for a few days' shooting, and they certainly proved lively additions to
our gathering.  In the midst of a buzz of conversation and laughter,
there was, as so often happens, a sudden lull, and then Kenneth from
the other side of the table suddenly broke the silence:

'Miss Thorn, Nell here wants to know the name of the book you were
studying so deeply this afternoon in the corn-field?'

My cheeks flushed a little; for one moment I hesitated, and every one
seemed to be waiting for my answer; then I said in a tolerably steady
voice,

'It was my Bible.'

I felt, rather than saw, the astonishment depicted on the faces of
those at the table.

Nelly, who was always overflowing with fun, burst out laughing:

'You don't mean to say that you are religious?' she said; but her
mother hushed her rather sharply, and changed the subject at once.

I felt I had difficult times coming.  Later on in the evening, when
music was going on, Captain Gates came over to me as I sat looking out
into the dusky garden by one of the long French windows, and said,

'I see you have no difficulty in showing your colours, Miss Thorn.'

I looked up at him gravely.  'I ought to have no difficulty,' I said;
'it is nothing to be ashamed of.'

He smiled, and leaning against the half-open window seemed to regard me
with some amusement.

'Is it a rude question to ask with whom you have been living before you
came here?'

I told him, and then he said reflectively,

'It's a strange thing why the Bible should be thought so out of place
sometimes; but I wonder now if you read it out of pure pleasure, or
only from a sense of duty?'

'Why, I love it!' I exclaimed; then a little impulsively I added,

'I don't mind telling you, Captain Gates, or any one else, for that
matter, it is only just lately that I have felt so differently about
it.  I used to think it dull and tedious, but it has changed now, or
rather, I have changed, and there is nothing I like better than getting
away alone somewhere and having a nice read all by myself.'

'You will not find much quiet time in this house,' he rejoined.  'We
are always on the go here; you have come into a different life.  I
fancy your Bible reading will soon be a thing of the past.'

'Never, I hope!' I said a little warmly.  'I don't mean to lead a gay
life, Captain Gates; I don't care for those kind of things now!'

He laughed.  'Perhaps you have never tried it?'

'I never mean to.'

Our conversation was interrupted here, and for the rest of the evening
I said very little to any one; but a short time after I had been in my
bedroom that night Nelly, knocked at my door.

'I'm coming in for a talk,' she said; 'I'm very curious about you.  Do
you know that we have all been discussing you downstairs?'

'I dare say,' I said, laughing.  Somehow, I felt very much drawn to
Nelly; she seemed such a pleasant, outspoken girl.  Constance, the
eldest of them, though full of life and spirits, was rather cold and
distant in manner towards me.  In fact, she had given me the impression
that my arrival had not been welcome to her.

Nelly seated herself in a low rocking-chair, and scanned me rather
mischievously before she proceeded:

'You are such a pretty, bright little thing to look at, that Bible
reading seems so incongruous!  Of course, I read my Bible in the
evening when I go to bed--at least, when I am not too tired--but that's
a different matter.  Mother said we mustn't take any notice of you, and
you would soon shake off these notions; but Captain Gates said you told
him you didn't intend to lead a gay life as we do--you have evidently
taken him into your confidence--and he said he would back you against
us for your determination of purpose.  Now will you take my advice,
Hilda?  Don't look so hot and uncomfortable.  You haven't come into a
houseful of saints, you know, so you can't expect us to fall in with
your views at once.  Mother, of course, won't like it if you go against
her plans for you; she will be very vexed, but she will eventually give
in; but it's a different matter with father, and he is your guardian,
remember.  He hates "cant," as he calls it, and he has great ideas of
your taking your position in society as you should.  If you cross his
will, I warn you you will bring the house down upon your ears; he never
will stand any opposition.  And what father will do by his authority,
Kenneth will do out of sheer love of teasing.  He will lead you a life
of it, I can tell you; so I warn you beforehand.'

'But,' I said, flushing a little, though I tried to speak quietly, 'I
have no intention of setting up my will in opposition to your
father's--I wouldn't dream of it.  What do you think me like, Nelly?'

Nelly laughed.  'I think you are a curiosity,' she said, 'and whether
we shall crush your originality out of you in a few weeks' time,
remains to be proved.  I thought I would give you a friendly intimation
of what to expect.  And now good-night!'

She left me, and, perplexed and troubled by her words, I went to my
window, and, opening the casement, leant out to cool my hot cheeks.
Such a soft, still night it was!  As I raised my eyes to the
innumerable stars above, and felt the hush and solemnity of the
darkness, again the words came to me: 'Dwell deep.'  What did it matter
if I found I should have a cross to take up, if I had to bear a little
teasing from others who did not think as I did?  When I realized in the
depths of my heart the riches I had, and the stores of hidden wealth of
which they knew nothing, I could rest down upon it with such comfort,
feeling that my inner life would be sustained and strengthened by One
who never left me.  And so I went to sleep that night at perfect peace
in my new surroundings.




CHAPTER II

TAKING A STAND

  'Who is not afraid to say his say,
  Though a whole town's against him.'--_Longfellow._


I was soon at home with the Forsyths.  Nelly and Violet treated me as a
sister, and Constance was too much engrossed at present with her own
concerns to take much notice of me.  Kenneth was the only one who was
continually bringing forward serious topics of conversation in my
presence, and requesting me to give him my views on them.  He never let
me alone, and though I tried to keep out of his way, and say as little as
possible, I found it increasingly difficult.  Captain Gates more than
once came to my rescue; but since I felt he had betrayed my confidence a
few evenings before, I could not talk with the same freedom to him.

I saw very little of General Forsyth.  He spent the greater part of his
time out of doors, and it was only in the evening that he joined us all.
His children, though fond of him, never seemed to feel at ease in his
company, and I soon found that his will was law with all.

One afternoon soon after my arrival I went out for a stroll across the
fields at the back of the house.  I felt I wanted to be alone, and away
from the constant chatter and laughter of the girls.  So I wandered on
farther than I had intended, and found myself at last on the edge of a
wild moor.  My thoughts were grave ones, but very happy ones; and as I
gazed over the broad expanse of heather in front of me away into the blue
distance, where the soft fleecy clouds seemed to stoop and kiss the
outlines of purple hills as they swept gently by, I could not help
thanking God with all my heart that He had brought me into my present
surroundings.

Suddenly I was startled by hearing close to me a child's sobs, and after
some minutes' search I came upon a tiny boy crouched amongst the heather,
grasping a bunch of faded harebells in his chubby fist, and crying as if
his heart would break.

As I bent over him, he looked up into my face and sobbed out pitifully,--

'Cally me home, lady; I wants my mother.'

'You poor little mite!' I said.  'What is your name? and where do you
live?'

But as I lifted him up he uttered a sharp cry.  'My foots is hurted; I
tumbled down, and I've losted my boot.'

I saw that this was indeed the case; his little foot was cut and
bleeding, perhaps from coming in contact with some sharp stone, and I was
for a moment at a loss what to do.  He seemed about three or four years
old, but a heavily built child, and my heart sank at the prospect of
carrying him.  Yet this was the only alternative, and as he seemed to
have very little idea of where he lived, I decided to bring him back with
me to our village, there being no other houses in sight.

He was quite willing to be carried, and wound his fat little arms so
tightly round my neck that I thought he would throttle me.  But my
progress was painfully slow; the sun blazed down with fierceness, and
there was no shade on the moor; even the fresh breeze which I had so
enjoyed in coming seemed to have disappeared, and every now and then I
had to stop and rest.  The child himself soon dropped asleep in my arms,
and I became so tired myself that I was strongly inclined to leave him
lying on the heather, and send some one to fetch him when I got home.  At
last, to my great relief, as I was crossing a field I saw a figure
approaching, and this proved to be Kenneth.

'Halloo!' he said, when he caught sight of me and my burden, 'what on
earth have you got here?  You are certainly the most extraordinary young
person that we have had in these parts for a long time!  Where have you
picked up this small fry?  Are you taking a pilgrimage and doing penance
for your sins with him?  If you only could see your face!  It makes me
burn to look at you!'

'Don't tease,' I said wearily, as I tried in vain to disengage the little
fellow's arms from round my neck.  'I found him crying amongst the
heather, and he has hurt his foot and cannot walk.  Do take him from me,
will you?'

This was not such an easy matter.  The child woke up cross, screamed when
Kenneth took him, and with his little fist struck him full in the face
with all his childish strength, crying out,--

'I won't be callied by you; I wants the lady.'

Kenneth tossed him across his shoulder with calm indifference to his
cries.

'I shall have a reckoning with you by-and-by, young man, for this
assault.  He is the infant pickle of our village, Miss Thorn--commonly
called Roddy Walters; his mother keeps the small general shop, and Roddy
keeps her pretty lively with his pranks.  His last mania has been running
away whenever he gets a chance, and if you intend to carry him home from
wherever you find him, you will have enough to do, I can tell you.'

I made no reply, for I felt quite exhausted, and was greatly relieved to
find that Kenneth knew where to take him.

Presently I was asked,--

'Been having a Bible study on the moor this afternoon?'

'No,' I said quietly, 'I have not.'

'That's a pity, isn't it?  You have been out all the afternoon; it's
rather frivolous, isn't it, and a waste of precious time to be sauntering
over the moor doing nothing?  A time of meditation, perhaps?'

Yes,' I answered, smiling a little in spite of myself, 'I have been
thinking, as I walked, what lovely country it is round here.'

'We are going to have some grand doings in our neighbourhood soon,'
Kenneth pursued after a few moments' silence; 'the autumn manoeuvres are
coming on, and every one round here keeps open house.  We generally start
the ball rolling by a dance.  Are you fond of dancing?'

'I used to be fond of it at school,' I said, 'but I--I don't care about
it now.'

I felt he was trying to draw me out, and resolved to say as little as
possible.

'Ah! you wait till you're in the thick of it, and see the scarlet jackets
flying round.  All the girls here lose their heads, and their hearts,
too, for the matter of that.  I was telling that fellow Stroud to-day
that if he means anything, he had better cut in at once and get it
settled, for Constance will have nothing to say to him a few weeks later.'

I said nothing; I had noticed Mr. Stroud's attentions to Constance, and
had drawn my own conclusions; but when Kenneth went on in the same strain
declaring that Constance would keep him hanging on till she saw any she
liked better, I turned upon him rather sharply,--

'I am very thankful you are not my brother.  I think it is a shame of you
to talk so, and I won't listen to any more of it!'

He laughed, and as we were now entering the village there was little more
conversation between us till we had reached the small general shop.  Mrs.
Walters came out to us in a great state of excitement, and Roddy, who had
nearly fallen asleep again, woke up and began to cry at the top of his
voice.

'I'm sure I don't know what to do with him,' she complained; 'he runs
away from school whenever he get a chance, and last Sunday he breaks into
my neighbour's chicken-house, and smashes a whole set of eggs that was
being 'atched!  School do keep him a bit quiet in the week, but Sundays
he's just rampageous!'

'Does he go to Sunday School?' I asked.

'There's no Sunday School in our village, miss; the bigger ones they goes
to the next parish; but it's two good miles, and my Roddy he can't walk
so fur.  Now thank the leddy and gentleman, you scamp, for bringin' you
home!'

Roddy turned his big blue eyes upon us, then suddenly held out his arms
to me.

'I'll kiss her, for she callied me much nicer nor the gempleum!'

I gave the little fellow a hug.  He looked such a baby in his mother's
arms, and I felt quite drawn to him.

'I love little children so,' I said to Kenneth as we were walking home.
'I wish there was a Sunday School in this place.  I should like Roddy in
my class.'

'You might start a Sunday School,' suggested Kenneth gravely.  'Our old
rector will let you do exactly as you like, I am sure.'

'I wonder if I could,' I said reflectively; 'just a class for the little
ones, and those that can't walk as far as the bigger, stronger ones.  I
should be glad if I could do something on Sunday.'

Then remembering to whom I was speaking, I checked myself and said no
more on the subject, though my thoughts were busy.

When we came up to the house we found that afternoon tea was going on
under the old elms on the lawn.  Mrs. Forsyth was in a low wicker-chair
with her work, Constance was pouring out tea, and Nelly was swinging
lazily in a hammock, whilst Captain Gates and Mr. Stroud were making
themselves generally agreeable.

'Have you two been taking a walk together?' asked Nelly as we approached.
'I have been hunting for you everywhere, Hilda.  Lady Walker has been
calling, and wanted to see you; she used to know your mother.'

'How warm you look!' observed Constance, eyeing me, I felt, with
disapproval.  'What have you been doing?'

I sat down on the garden seat, glad to rest, and Kenneth, leaning against
the tree opposite, began:--

'Well now, I will give you a true account of her.  She felt so disgusted
with our frivolity at lunch, that she went out to get away from us; she
wandered on dreaming her dreams and building her castles in the air,
mourning over our depravity, and lamenting that she had no scope with us
for all her benevolent projects, until she found herself out upon the
moor, whereupon she looked round, and after a time found Roddy Walters
asleep.  It was an opportunity to act the Good Samaritan; she hoisted him
up into her arms in spite of his howls, and insisted upon carrying him
home.  And I met her panting and struggling with him in old Drake's
meadows.'

'But why didn't you let him walk, Hilda?' interrupted Nelly.

'He had hurt his foot, poor little fellow--it was impossible; even your
brother saw that, for he carried him the rest of the way himself.'

'And now,' pursued Kenneth gravely, 'the upshot is that she is so aghast
at the state of heathenism and wickedness that the village children are
in, that she is going to start a Sunday School herself next Sunday, and I
expect she hopes to enlist some of us as teachers.  Will you go, Gates?
I will back you up.'

'Oh, I will go as a scholar,' said Captain Gates readily.

'I think, Kenneth, you are letting your tongue run on too fast,' said
Mrs. Forsyth gently; 'I am quite sure Hilda has no such intentions.'

I felt myself getting vexed under all this chaffing, but it has always
been my way to speak out, and so, turning to Mrs. Forsyth, I said,--

'He is not representing it fairly, Mrs. Forsyth.  Mrs. Walters was
telling us she wished she could send Roddy to Sunday School, and I said
how much I wished I could have him to teach.  It was Mr. Kenneth who
suggested my having a Sunday School.  I certainly liked the idea, and
meant to speak to you about it, but not now.'

Kenneth laughed.  'You meant to have a private confabulation with the
mater and the parson, but we like everything above board here.  We
haven't much to amuse us, and so every one likes to know every one else's
business.  I can see you have an eye for reform, so think it just as well
to warn others about you.'

'Hilda,' said Mrs. Forsyth, who evidently wished to change the subject,
'Lady Walker has invited you to go to some theatricals next Wednesday
with the girls.  I told her you had no engagement; you will enjoy it, I
hope.  They live a little distance off in a beautiful old abbey, and are
very nice people.'

There was silence; I felt that difficulties were all round me this
afternoon, and perhaps being so tired helped to make me less willing to
assert my views.  I sipped my cup of tea before replying, and then said
quietly,--

'It was very kind of her to ask me.'

'It will be great fun, Hilda.  The Walkers are awfully good at that kind
of thing, and they are going to have the stage out of doors.  I wish I
was going to take part in it, but we shall finish up with a dance after,
so I shall keep myself for that.'

Silently I put up a prayer for courage, and then replied,--

'I don't think I shall go, Nelly; I do not care about theatricals nor
dancing.'

'I have accepted for you,' said Mrs. Forsyth quickly and decidedly, 'for
General Forsyth wishes you to go.  I am afraid you must keep your likes
and dislikes in the background whilst with us about matters like this.'
And taking up her work she left us and went towards the house, whilst I
felt my cheeks burn, as I realized how displeased she was at my speech.

Nelly began laughing and talking with Captain Gates, Constance and Mr.
Stroud soon strolled away, and I sat on, conscious that Kenneth's eyes
were upon me, yet feeling so uncertain of myself that I dared not speak.
I think I was very near tears.  Presently Nelly turned to me: 'Have you
finished your tea, Hilda? will you come and get some flowers for the
dinner-table?'

I jumped up, tired though I was, and when we were out of hearing of the
others, Nelly put her hand caressingly on my arm:--

'You poor little thing, you have been having a hot time of it since you
came back from your walk.  I feel awfully sorry for you.  Mother is
vexed, of course, but she will have forgotten all about it by the time
she next sees you.  She is never angry for long.  Captain Gates said to
me just now that you were not wanting in courage or straightforwardness;
you spoke up well, Hilda; but I have warned you beforehand, you had much
better, as mother says, keep your likes and dislikes to yourself.  As
Captain Gates was saying, if a person feels in a foreign element, the
only cure is to adapt themselves to it.  He is taking quite an interest
in you, Hilda; he told me you had a true ring about you.  But it is
awfully funny to me, your standing out against all innocent pleasure.'

'I will talk to you about it another day, Nelly,' I said, trying to speak
gently; 'don't think me disobliging if I leave you now.  I am so tired
that I feel I cannot walk another step.  You don't mind getting the
flowers by yourself, do you?'

'Of course I don't.  Go up to your room and have a nap; you will have a
quiet time till dinner.'

I left her, for I felt I must be alone; and when I reached my room I took
my Bible, and sitting down in the low window seat turned over its leaves
for comfort and guidance.  My thoughts were perplexed ones.  How I longed
to live at peace with every one!  How easy it would be to slip along in
this pleasant family life, doing as others did around me; how
increasingly difficult I should find it, if I was continually setting
myself up in opposition to all their plans and wishes for me!  And yet in
my heart I knew that unless I took a stand from the first, I should be
drawn into a whirl of gaiety, such as I felt would not be the right
position for a true Christian to be found in.  Then I wondered what
claims my guardian had upon me, how far it would be right to obey him,
and where I must draw the line.  'If only I had some one to advise me!' I
murmured, and the next minute felt ashamed of the thought as these words
met my eye,--

'But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in
My name, He shall teach you all things.'

I bowed my head in prayer, and when a little later I turned again to my
Bible I was not long left in doubt.  'Be not conformed to this world,' I
read in Romans.  I turned up the references: 'Not fashioning yourselves
according to the former lusts in your ignorance.'  'Love not the world,
neither the things that are in the world.'  'Wherefore come out from
among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord.'  As I sat there drinking
in these messages, and dwelling upon them each in turn, all doubt and
hesitation left me.  I was quieted and refreshed, and when the thought of
my guardian's possible anger flitted across my mind, I was able to put it
aside--'He shall teach you all things.'

And that took me to another verse, 'Take ye no thought how or what thing
ye shall answer, or what ye shall say; for the Holy Ghost shall teach you
in the same hour what ye ought to say.'

With this I was quite content.




CHAPTER III

THE REASON WHY

  Let us, then, be what we are, and speak what we think, and
      in all things
  Keep ourselves loyal to truth.'--_Longfellow._


'General Forsyth, may I speak to you for a few minutes?'

It was after breakfast the next morning that I made this request.  I
was determined to have the matter settled as soon as possible.

'Certainly,' my guardian said, looking at me in some surprise.  'Come
into the library, for we shall be undisturbed there.'

He led the way, politely handed me a chair, and then stood leaning his
back against the mantel-piece and stroking his moustache, giving me at
the same time a keen glance from under his shaggy eyebrows.

'Well,' he said, 'what is it?  Do you want any money?'

'No,' I said a little nervously; 'it is quite another matter;' then
gathering courage, I looked him straight in the face and said, 'General
Forsyth, I think you expect me to go to those theatricals at the
Walkers' next week.  I cannot do it.'

'Indeed!' he said lightly, 'is it a question of dress?  What is the
difficulty?'

'No, it is not that.  I want to tell you now, for I think it may save
difficulties afterwards.  I do not wish to lead a gay life: I cannot go
to dances or theatres with an easy conscience.  Don't think it a mere
whim or passing fancy; it is a matter of principle with me.  I have
given myself to God for His service, and I look at everything in that
light, and from that standpoint.'

General Forsyth looked amused.

'Don't put so much tragedy in your tone, child!  Since when have you
taken up these peculiar notions?'

'About two or three months ago,' I replied.  'It has made a great
difference in my life.  I thought if I explained my reason to you, you
would not press me to go to things which are thoroughly distasteful to
me.'

'If it is only a couple of months since you formed these views, I think
you will find that time will alter them, Hilda.  I should like to state
to you that, according to your father's will, I am to have full control
of your money until you marry, or if that does not occur soon, until
you are thirty years of age.  After that you are your own mistress.
Are you aware of this?'

'I did not quite understand it so,' I said, wondering at the turn our
conversation was taking.

'I tell you this because it explains our position towards each other.
So much for the terms of the will.  Now for what will touch you closer:
I was with your father when he died in India; he was one of my dearest
friends, as you know, and on his dying bed he made me promise that when
your education was finished I should look after you as one of my own
daughters, see that you were given every advantage due to the position
in society that he meant you to occupy, and in fact be to you what he
would have been had he lived.  I know what his views were for you, and
those views I shall conscientiously try to further whilst you are with
me.  I shall not countenance for a moment your hiding away from friends
of your parents, and others with whom I wish you to associate.  A time
will come when you will thank me for my firmness now, and for refusing
to allow you to sacrifice all your prospects in life to some morbid
fancies that you must have picked up in some Dissenting chapel.'

I was silent for a moment, then I said,--

'I think my father would have wished me to be happy, General Forsyth; I
cannot go against my conscience in this matter, it would make me
wretched.  I do feel very grateful to you for giving me a home; but
indeed I would rather go away and earn my own living than lead the life
you have planned out for me.'

'We will not discuss the matter further,' said General Forsyth icily;
'I have told you my wishes on the subject.  If I am to treat you as one
of my own daughters, you will accompany them wherever they go.  I am
accustomed to be obeyed in my own house, and I do not think you will
deliberately oppose my wishes for you.'

'I am sorry to displease you,' I said in a low voice, 'but in this one
respect I feel I am right in acting so'; and then I left the room with
a heavy heart.  I went out into the garden a little later, and made my
way to a quiet spot in a plantation near the house, where I had found a
delightful little nook to sit in, and there I took my Bible and had a
quiet read and prayer.  General Forsyth was not in to luncheon, but I
saw from Mrs. Forsyth's face that he had told her of our interview.
She said very little to me, and when the theatricals were mentioned at
the table she changed the subject at once.

In the afternoon I joined Violet and her governess in an expedition to
a wood a little distance off.  We took tea with us, and I thoroughly
enjoyed it.  Miss Graham was a quiet woman, but very clever, and she
and her pupil were the best of friends.

'I wish you were in the schoolroom with me,' said Violet, as we sat
chatting together in the cool shade under the trees.  'I think we
should have great fun together, and do you know, I heard mother say to
Constance this morning that she wished you were too, for then the
difficulty would be solved.  What did she mean?'

I gave an involuntary sigh, and Miss Graham looked at me a little
curiously; then, as Violet started to her feet in pursuit of a
squirrel, she laid her hand gently on my arm.

'You look troubled, Miss Thorn; I am afraid you are one of those who
try to go through life too seriously, isn't it so?'

'I don't think so,' I said with a smile; 'I am a little troubled to-day
because I am vexing both General and Mrs. Forsyth very much, I am
afraid, but I cannot help it.'

'Ah! don't do it, my dear.  Take their advice, and trust them about
your life here.  They are old, and you are young.  I have heard from
Nelly a little about your difficulty, and I am sorry for you, for I
admire your sincerity.  Still, we see things differently when we get
older, and you will find that it is always best to give way to others,
and keep your own opinions in the background, especially when you are
young.'

'It isn't my opinions that I want to bring forward,' I said, 'but I am
old enough to be responsible for my actions.'

'There was a time when I had such thoughts,' said Miss Graham; 'when I
was quite a young girl I used to long to join a Sisterhood, and devote
myself to good works for the rest of my life; but I was shown how
visionary and unpractical such ideas were, and after a time I ceased to
entertain them.'

'Why did you want to give yourself up to good works, Miss Graham?' I
asked a little curiously.

She laughed.  'Well, if you really want to know, it was partly because
I had met with a disappointment.  Some one I was very fond of--in fact,
to whom I was engaged, left me to marry a girl with money, and I was
for the time disgusted with life.  Then I think I did desire to live a
useful life; but now I have realized there are many different ways of
doing that.'

'I don't wonder you changed your mind, if those were your motives for
leaving the world,' I said slowly.

'Why, what other motives would you have?  What is yours?  Isn't it a
desire to be good and fit yourself for heaven one day?'

'No,' I replied softly; 'it isn't to earn my salvation that I want to
keep clear of the world; it is because I have had that given to me
already, and I want to show my love to the Saviour by my life.  I do
love Him, and I am so afraid of a whirl of gaiety spoiling the
communion I have with Him day by day.'

Miss Graham looked at me in astonishment, and was about to speak, when
Violet came back, and we changed the conversation.  I do not know how
it was that I spoke so openly to Miss Graham, for I generally found it
very difficult to express my thoughts to any one; but I seemed to have
been led into it, and as we walked back in the cool of the evening I
just put up a prayer that she might be made to see things differently.

I was rather relieved to hear that General and Mrs. Forsyth were dining
out that night.  Perhaps their absence accounted for the extra gaiety
of our party; I had never seen Constance and Nelly so full of spirits,
and Kenneth and Captain Gates seemed bent upon having 'a real good time
of it,' as they expressed it.  Hugh kept them a little in check at
dinner; but when they joined us in the drawing-room afterwards, I saw
they meant to be as good as their word.

Constance sat down to the piano and began playing some waltzes, and
then Captain Gates sprang up.  'Here, Kenneth, give me a hand; we will
move some of these obstacles, and have a dance.'

In a few minutes, chairs had been piled up one on top of the other in a
corner, tables and couches pushed to the side, and a clear space left
in the middle of the room.

Hugh made his exit in disgust, saying, 'I think it is a romp, not a
dance, that you are wanting!'

And Mr. Stroud, a quiet little man, said protestingly, 'I think you
will find it very warm work in here; would you not rather take a stroll
by the river, Miss Forsyth?'

Constance shook her head, and continued playing, and then, before I
knew where I was, Nelly seized hold of me and, whirling me round,
waltzed away.  I could not help enjoying it; I had always loved dancing
at school, so without a thought I gave myself up to it; and when
Captain Gates stopped us, declaring that he would not waltz with
Kenneth, and we must make a speedy exchange, I made no objection.  I
danced with him and with Kenneth afterwards, and then took Constance's
place at the piano, to let her have a turn.

When we were all tired out and were resting Kenneth said,--

'I think we are in good form for the Walkers' wind-up now.  What do you
think, Miss Thorn?  You have changed your mind about going, haven't
you?'

'No,' I said decidedly, 'I am not going.'

'Nonsense!' Nelly exclaimed, 'you are.  Mother said this morning that
it was settled, and why on earth do you want to keep away? you dance
like----'

'Like a midsummer elf,' put in Captain Gates; 'I thought you did not
care about dancing.  Why, you love it, you know you do!'

I felt my cheeks flush, as I realized how foolish I had been, and then
I said, resolving to be truthful at all events,--

'Well, I thought I did not care for it.  I did not know till Nelly
started me off how enjoyable it is still to me.  But that does not
alter my decision at all about going to the theatricals next Wednesday.'

'It is those, then, that you dislike, not the dancing?'

I did not answer.  Kenneth now spoke from the depth of a large couch
upon which he had thrown himself.

'Now look here, Goody Two-Shoes, just stand up and give us a discourse
on the iniquities of dancing and such like.  Here is your opportunity;
five worldlings before you!  Shall I ring the bell for Tomkins to fetch
your Bible?  I would go myself, only I'm just about done up.  You will
want a text.  Give us your views; it will be most interesting and
edifying.  Who knows?  You may so convince us of the awful sin of going
to the Walkers', that we shall all send in an apology for our absence,
and from henceforth do our dancing at home!'

'Joking apart, we should really like to know your reasons for
abstaining from evening parties,' said Captain Gates.

Still I was silent, feeling the difficulty of my position; and then,
after a swift prayer for guidance, I said slowly: 'I don't think any of
you will understand me, and I am very sorry I have been carried away
to-night by the music.  It isn't dancing itself that's a sin, and I am
not judging any of you; but I know in my heart that dancing and
theatricals are wrong for me; they are the essentials of worldliness,
those and horse-racing, and card-playing, and other things of the same
sort.  I want to keep clear of them all, as I know if I go in for any I
shall be gradually more and more engrossed in them.  And the very proof
I have had to-night of how my taste for dancing has not gone, will make
me keep right away from it for the future.'

'But why is it such a sin for you?' asked Nelly wonderingly.

'Because,' I said, feeling the colour rise to my cheeks with the effort
of speaking out,--'because I have given myself, body and soul, to God,
and I want to live only for Him.  You asked me for a text--here is the
one that has helped me: "He died for all, that they which live should
not henceforth live unto themselves, but unto Him which died for them
and rose again."'

There was silence, then Constance said with a light laugh: 'To be
consistent, Hilda, you ought to go into a Sisterhood; are you thinking
of doing it?'

'No; why should I?  I only tell you this to show you how inconsistent I
should be if I threw myself into the midst of a gay life and thought of
nothing but enjoying myself.'

'Like the rest of us?  Give me one of your sort for parading their own
virtues at the expense of their neighbours!' said Kenneth, with a yawn.

'Oh, please don't say that!  You made me give my reasons.'

'And so you have drawn out this hard-and-fast line of life for
yourself, and think you will be happy in stifling all your natural
instincts?' asked Captain Gates.

'I am happy--I don't want these things I have something much better!'
Then, warming with my subject, I added impulsively, 'I don't believe
any of you know what it is to realize that religion is not an outward
form, something we hear and read about, but is a reality in one's soul.
It is living instead of merely existing, it is being in touch with
everything beautiful and ennobling, and with a living personal Friend,
whose love is such an utterly different thing from anything else on
earth!'

'I think we have had enough,' Kenneth interrupted in a drawling tone.
'Spare us any more rhapsodies.  Can't we have a little music?  You
might give us a song, Stroud.'

Mr. Stroud complied with this request at once; he seemed never so happy
as when Constance was playing his accompaniments, and for the next
twenty minutes she and he were singing together.  Then Captain Gates
asked me a little hesitatingly if I would play on my violin.  I had not
often used it since I had been with the Forsyths, but I had always been
very fond of it, and had played for hours to my old cousin in London.

'I think a violin is rather worldly,' objected Kenneth in his mocking
tone; 'I am sure it is not a fit conclusion to the sermon we have just
been hearing.'

'I don't think it is at all worldly,' I said determinedly, as I moved
across to one of the long French windows and took my violin from the
case; then leaning against the side of the window I looked out into the
soft summer night, and dreamily began to play.

Perhaps it was the absence of General and Mrs. Forsyth that made me
feel more at ease, but instead of playing any of my classical pieces I
drifted into improvising as I went along, and then, as my thoughts took
me far away, I gave myself up to them entirely.  'Dwell deep' was
ringing softly but clearly in my ears.  Storms could come and storms
could go, but in all and through all were those two little words of
peace and quiet.  And my violin was with me, and understood my mood.  I
don't know how long I played, but when I came to myself and
surroundings, soothed and comforted in spirit, I found them all staring
at me in astonishment.  I let my bow fall in perfect silence, and
Captain Gates asked with a long-drawn breath, 'What is the name of
that?'

'Dwell deep!' I replied with a full heart; and then putting my violin
by, without another word I left them, and went up to my room.  I did
not go down again that night.




CHAPTER IV

AN OPENING FOR WORK

'Whoever fears God, fears to sit at ease.'--_E. B. Browning._


'Hilda, mother wants to speak to you in her boudoir.  We have just been
having a grand discussion about our dresses for the Walkers' affair,
and she wants to find out from you whether you are really going or not.'

I sighed as Nelly finished speaking.

I was picking some roses on the lawn, and Captain Gates had just
sauntered out of the smoking-room, cigar in mouth.

It was such a lovely morning that I was meditating spending it in my
favourite nook in the plantation, and for the time I had forgotten
everything unpleasant.

'You poor little creature!' said Nelly sympathetically, 'aren't you
tired of it?  You have discussed the subject with father, given us a
long preach last night, and now there still remains mother!  Let me
advise you, don't be too outspoken with her.  Constance told her about
our dance last night, and mother seems to think that it must be pure
wilfulness on your part if you still refuse to go with us.'

'I wish I could be left alone,' I said a little wistfully; 'I shall
only make your mother angry.'

'Are you tired of showing your colours?' questioned Captain Gates.

'I hope not,' I said in a brighter tone, and then I went into the house.

Mrs. Forsyth was kind at first, but when she saw that I was really
determined she became vexed.

'It is placing me in a very awkward position, Hilda.  What excuse can I
make for you?  You have not even delicacy of health to account for your
absence.  I am anxious to take you about with my own daughters, and
people will think I am purposely keeping you in the background.  I do
wish you had given us some intimation of these strange views before you
came to live with us.  It will be a continual annoyance to us.'

'Do you think I had better go back to my cousin's in London?' I asked.
'I really do not want to be such a trouble.  If you would only let me
be happy in my own way, and stay quietly at home, I should be so
grateful, because you have all been so kind to me that I love to be
here.'

'I really don't know what we shall do with you,' Mrs. Forsyth replied,
in a milder tone.  'I believe General Forsyth has his own plans for
you, and if you will not fall in with them, it would be better for us
all that you should be away from us.  However, of course, we cannot
force you to go with us next Wednesday, so I must try and explain it as
best I can to Lady Walker.  I need hardly say that General Forsyth will
not be at all pleased about it.'

I left her feeling rather downhearted.  Looking at it from their point
of view, I must be somewhat of a trial to them, and yet I knew I could
not act otherwise.

As I was stepping out into the garden again, deep in thought, I was
startled by the sudden appearance of little Roddy Walters from behind a
large tree close to the house.  His hands were full of yellow marsh
marigolds and blue forget-me-nots.

'Roddy has brought them for you,' were his first words, as he caught
sight of me.

I had seen the little fellow several times since our first meeting, but
this was the first time that he had ventured to come up to the house to
see me, though whenever I passed through the village he would run after
me, and I had great difficulty in getting away from him.

'How lovely!' I exclaimed, as I took the bunch from his hot little
hands; 'but, Roddy, you ought to be at school.  Have you run away?'

He laughed and nodded: 'Bess Brown did take me to school, but she
slapped me, and I runned away, and Jim tooked me down to the water, and
we picked these booful flowers, and I loves you, and Jim said I might
give 'em to you.'

'And who is Jim?'

'Jim is waiting for me, Jim is, he's sittin' on the gate; you come and
I'll show you him.'

He led me down the avenue as fast as his little legs could carry him,
and there on a side gate that led into some fields was a lad about
fifteen.  He got down directly he saw me, and I noticed that he was a
cripple and had a crutch by his side.

'Are you Jim?' I asked.

'Yes, mum!'

'Don't you know that Roddy ought to be at school?  It isn't right of
you to encourage him to play truant.'

Jim laughed.  'He's such a little 'un, he is.'

And then we drifted into talk.  Jim told me he lived with his uncle,
who was a cobbler, but he himself had no occupation except that of
gathering wild flowers, and taking them into the market town near,
twice a week.  I found to my surprise that he could not read.

'I was on my back for years when I might 'a had my schoolin', and when
I was able to get about with my crutch I was that 'shamed to go, being
such a big 'un, and such a dunce.  Uncle Sam, he has a tried to teach
me, but he has a awful temper, and says I'm that slow I aggrewate him
into fits.'

'How I wish I could teach you!' I exclaimed; 'wouldn't you like to
learn?'

'Ay, shouldn't I! but I'm an awful dullard.'

We talked a little longer.  I took a great fancy to this thin lanky
lad, with his great dark questioning eyes--he seemed lonely--and his
affection for little Roddy was very touching.  That afternoon the old
rector happened to call while we were at tea, and I took the
opportunity of asking him about the boy; he seemed quite pleased at my
interest in him, and then of his own accord he broached the subject of
Sunday School.

'I should like to get one of you young ladies to have a class of the
little ones on Sunday.  I am an old man myself, and don't feel up to
it.  I sometimes wish I had a wife or daughter to help me about these
things.  Mrs. Forsyth, what do you think about it?'

'I have no doubt Miss Thorn would be delighted to do what you wish.
She has already expressed a desire, I believe, to do something of the
sort.'

Mrs. Forsyth's tone was a little stiff, but I was so glad that she made
no objection to the suggestion that I felt quite grateful to her.  And
before the rector left us he had settled that I should start a class
the following Sunday afternoon from three to four in the vestry of the
little church.

'I will go round to my parishioners and let them know.  Of course you
will be prepared for very little ones, as the bigger ones attend a
school a little distance off.  And as for Jim Carter, if you can give
him a reading lesson now and then in the week, I shall be delighted.'

When the rector had gone, I ran up to my room, and just knelt down and
thanked God for the work He had already given me.  Only that morning I
had been praying for something to do, and had anticipated great
difficulties in the way.

Yet the opening had come, and everything seemed made easy for me.  And
for the rest of the day this fresh interest made me forget my troubles,
until I was reminded of them in the drawing-room that evening.

We were all there, General Forsyth reading the evening paper, Mrs.
Forsyth with her work, and the girls round the piano, when suddenly
Kenneth said, turning to me,--

'What kind of a mood are you in to-night?  A musical one?  Because if
so, please favour us with a repetition of last night's performance.'

'What?  Another dance?' said Nelly laughing.  'She is never going to
dance again, she says!'

'Wait and see,' and Kenneth's tone was a little scornful; 'but it was
the violin I was alluding to.'

Then General Forsyth looked up.

'I hope you have thought better about going to Lady Walker's, Hilda.  I
hear you were nothing loth to turn this room into chaos last night in
order to enjoy a dance, so I conclude you have overcome your foolish
scruples about it.'

'I am sorry, General Forsyth,' I said, trying to speak bravely, 'but I
told Mrs. Forsyth this morning that I cannot go.'

'You have your father's obstinacy, I see;' and throwing down his paper
angrily, General Forsyth got up and left the room.

'Never saw the general lose his temper before,' murmured Mr. Stroud to
Constance; and she replied, in tones loud enough for me to hear, 'She
is a provoking little thing; I believe it is nothing but cant with her.
I hate those kind of people.'

Captain Gates was sitting close to me, and his eyes met mine as we
caught the sneering words.  He did not say anything, but got up from
his seat and fetched my violin, which he put into my hands saying,--

'Give us another treat, for you make it speak!'

I shook my head, then, as he begged me so hard, I felt I ought not to
refuse, but I could not play as I had done the night before, and when I
had finished he said,--

'Thank you, but that is rather different to last night.'

'It is rather too classical, perhaps.  I will try a little lullaby.
It's German, and I think you may like it.'

'Hilda,' said Mrs. Forsyth when I had finished, 'you ought to cultivate
your gift for music, for you have got a good touch.  I am anxious for
Violet to play well, but her violin lessons with Miss Graham are a
source of constant trouble to me.  I wish you could give her a few
hints about it.  Miss Graham is a good musician, but she certainly does
not handle the instrument as you do.'

'I shall be very glad to practise with Violet a little,' I said, 'if
Miss Graham does not object.'

Then Nelly called to me from the balcony outside the windows, and I
joined her with a sense of relief at getting out into the still, cool
evening air.

Captain Gates joined us, and leant against one of the stone pillars
enjoying a cigar.

We talked and laughed for some time, then as Nelly moved off a little
farther to speak to Hugh, who had also come out, Captain Gates turned
to me and said, 'You are having rather a hot time of it just now, Miss
Thorn, I feel afraid.  Why are you so determined in your views?  I feel
sorry for you, because you have every one against you.'

His tone was sympathetic.

'I shall get accustomed to that, I suppose,' I said; but as I looked
away to the still hills in the distance, my eyes suddenly filled with
tears, and I realized how lonely my position was.

'I can't think why you hold out; you are planning a dreary life for
yourself, don't you think so?'

'No,' I said, hastily brushing away my tears, and smiling at his gloomy
tone; 'I shall not be a bit dreary; how could I be!'

'I wish you would explain a few things to me, and then perhaps I should
understand better.  Do you consider us all dreadful sinners here?'

'I judge no one, Captain Gates.  It seems to me you must have something
to fill your life and interest and occupy you, and if you haven't got
what I have, you must have worldly amusements.'

'And what have you got that we have not?'

I was silent for a moment, then I said,--

'Do you ever read your Bible, Captain Gates?'

'Not often.'

'You will find a great deal about the Christian's portion there, if you
look; but I suppose the summing up of it all is just Christ Himself.
If we have Him we want nothing more.'

There was another silence.

At length he said meditatively, 'I should like to be enlightened.  Will
you come for a row on the river to-morrow, and let us thrash the
subject out?'

'I don't know,' I said hesitatingly; 'I will see what plans the others
have.'  And then I stepped back into the drawing-room, leaving him
alone there, and wondering if he was really in earnest, or only drawing
me out for his amusement.

When I went forward to wish General Forsyth 'good-night' that evening,
he refused to take my hand, saying coldly, 'I shall have nothing to say
to you for the present; your conduct is highly displeasing to me.'

I felt the blood rush to my cheeks, as he did not lower his voice, and
all in the room heard his words; then I left the room slowly, like a
naughty child being sent off to bed in disgrace.  Nelly came rushing
upstairs after me, and linked her arm in mine.

'Never mind, Hilda.  You see father is never accustomed to have any one
oppose him, and he cannot understand you.  You are a bold little thing,
to say what you do to him.  Now tell me what conspiracy was going on
between you and Captain Gates this evening?  He is asking mother if we
can have a picnic on the river to-morrow.  Constance and Mr. Stroud are
delighted, and mother has given her consent.  Mother says she won't
start with us, but may join us later in the day.  He said we had better
have three boats; but I wonder how we are going to pair off.  I am not
always going to be coupled with Kenneth, he and I are sure to fight.
And I know Captain Gates will have you with him if he can manage it; he
follows you about everywhere.  Constance and Mr. Stroud are
inseparable, and no one takes any notice of me!'

'Oh, Nelly, how you run on!' I exclaimed, half laughing, half vexed.
'I dare say I shall not go with you.'

'But you must; it will be great fun.  Well, good night; I must be
going.'




CHAPTER V

OPPORTUNITIES

  'Draw through all failure to the perfect flower;
  Draw through all darkness to the perfect light.
  Yea, let the rapture of Thy spring-tide thrill
  Through me, beyond me, till its ardour fill
  The ungrowing souls that know not Thee aright,
  That Thy great love may make of me, e'en me,
  One added link to bind the world to Thee.'--_E. S. A._


We had a very enjoyable day up the river, Violet begged a holiday, and
came with us.  We had only two boats--Constance, Violet, and Mr. Stroud
in one, and Nelly, Kenneth, Captain Gates, and I in the other.  We took
our lunch with us, and landed in a wood that came down to the water's
edge.  And after our meal was over Captain Gates asked me to come for a
stroll through the woods with him.  I did not feel inclined to do this
at first, yet hardly liked to refuse, and it was not long before he
turned our conversation towards serious subjects.

'I looked into a Bible which was in my room last night, Miss Thorn, but
I couldn't see anything in it to make me wish to alter my life.  It
seems to me that as long as we slip along, and live decent, respectable
lives, that is all that is required.  God is merciful, isn't He?  He
won't require too much of us.'

'"What doth the Lord thy God require of thee, but to fear the Lord thy
God, to walk in all His ways and to love Him, and to serve the Lord thy
God with all thy heart and with all thy soul?"'

I repeated this verse rather slowly, adding,--

'I don't think many of us can say we come up to God's requirements,
Captain Gates.  "God will put up with a great many things in the human
heart, but there is one thing He will not put up with in it--a second
place."  He who offers God a second place offers Him no place.  I think
that has been very truly said; don't you think so?'

'Well, I must plead guilty, of course, when you bring up a verse like
that,' he responded lightly; 'but that is an impossible standard to set
up for us poor human mortals.'

'Yes,' I said, after a minute's silence, 'judging us from that
standard, we have all failed.  We are "condemned already."  I don't
believe, Captain Gates, that we can ever be in real earnest about
having our souls saved till we realize our condemnation.  The verse
that made me miserable was this one: "He that believeth not the Son
shall not see life, but the wrath of God abideth on him."'

'Were you ever an unbeliever, then?' and Captain Gates looked at me
curiously as he spoke.

'Of course I believed _about_ Jesus Christ,' I replied in a low voice,
'but I didn't believe _in_ Him.  I hadn't come to Him and accepted my
pardon at His hands.  I didn't understand that, however good I might
try to be, I could never expect to enter heaven unless I was washed and
cleansed by Him.'

There was silence, and I was afraid I had been too outspoken.  Then, as
we were passing a bush, with the most lovely honeysuckle at the top of
it, I stopped and asked him if he would get me some.

This he willingly did, and as he handed me some beautiful sprays of it
said,--

'There is no uncertain sound about your preaching, Miss Thorn.  I
believe you could do something with me if you were to try, but your
doctrines are strange to me, and it will take me some time to get
reconciled to them.  You must take me in hand; will you?'

I looked up, and our eyes met.  Again I wondered if he were sincere.

'I think you will find all you need in the Bible,' I said; and then I
changed the conversation.

A few minutes after we met some of the others, and when we came down to
the river's side Violet seized hold of my arm.

'Hilda, you come in our boat.  I had an awfully dull time of it coming
here.  I think I was put in to act gooseberry, and I'm not going to do
it again.  Do come!'

'I will, of course, if Constance likes.'

And that was the order in which we came home, for Mrs. Forsyth never
appeared at all.  I was not surprised when Nelly came to me the last
thing at night, as she was so fond of doing, and announced,--

'Well, it is all settled.  Constance and Mr. Stroud are engaged, and I
wish her joy of him.  Mother is pleased, because he has a nice little
property; but I wouldn't have him for all the properties in creation.
He is a regular stick, and hasn't a spark of fun in him.  I only hope
he won't stay on here after next week.  Both he and Captain Gates said
they must go when the Walkers' theatricals are over.'

'Is Constance very happy about it?' I asked.

'She seems to be, in her way.  Of course, everything is rose colour
to-night.  Hilda, do you like Captain Gates?'

'Yes, I like him pretty well,' I said.

Nelly came up and put both hands on my shoulders.

'Now, look me straight in the face, and say that again.'

'I don't know what you mean,' I said, confronting her steadily.

'Sometimes I wonder if you are as innocent as you appear,' Nelly
continued, laughing.  'But let me warn you of this: he is a great
flirt, and tries it on with every girl he comes across.  Kenneth asked
him to-night downstairs if he thought a saint would make any man a good
wife, and I never saw him so put out.  He went off in a huff, and
Kenneth said he thought he was hit at last.  What did you talk about,
Hilda, when you and he went off for your solitary ramble?'

I have always been told that I have an easy temper, but Nelly was never
nearer making me really angry than she was that night.

'I wish you would not speak so, Nelly,' I said, flushing a little as I
turned away from her; 'I cannot bear that kind of talk; as if you
cannot be friendly to any one without having such motives ascribed to
you.  Captain Gates talks to me like any one else; he is a little more
polite to me than your brothers are, that is the only difference.'

'My dear, how your eyes are flashing!  I shall begin to be quite
frightened of you.  I didn't ascribe any motives to _you_, but I only
warned you to beware of Captain Gates.  He told Kenneth you were a
bewitching little thing two days after he had first seen you, and I
think the fact of your being so different to the usual run of girls he
sees fascinates him for the time.  I was going to advise you how to
deal with him, but really I hardly dare now.'

'I don't mean to be cross, Nelly; but I am tired, and I want to be left
alone.'

She laughed, gave me a kiss, and departed.  I sat down to my Bible with
my thoughts in a tumult.  I should have been stupid indeed if I had not
seen that Captain Gates liked to pay me little attentions, and his look
as he handed me the honeysuckle that afternoon in the woods had made me
shrink into myself, for I realized that he was not only interested in
the subject of our conversation, but in me myself.  I had honestly felt
glad that he wished to talk on serious subjects, and I had been praying
for him a great deal that day.  Now Nelly's chaffing words had left
their sting, and I felt humiliated by being discussed downstairs so
freely before them all.  My desires for Captain Gates' welfare were at
an end.  I felt I could never talk to him again.

But when I went down on my knees, and just spread the whole matter out
in prayer, and then waited in silence till the quiet and peace came
back into my heart, the case looked very different.  And, turning over
the leaves of my Bible, I was guided to this verse, 'As every man hath
received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good
stewards of the manifold grace of God.'  Yes; I resolved that when
opportunities were given to me of speaking a word for my Master, I
would take them gladly, yet at the same time I would not seek to make
them for myself, especially in connection with Captain Gates.

'Dwell deep!' I said to myself.  'I can let these little vexations and
misunderstandings pass unnoticed; they are like the breezes on the
surface of a lake.  If I dwell below, I shall enjoy the calm.'

The next day was Sunday, and at three o'clock in the afternoon I found
myself waiting in the vestry for my scholars.  They were not long after
me.  First Roddy, with a shining face and a large bunch of asters from
his mother's garden, which he presented to me with great pride; then
two little girls in huge sun-bonnets, and very brown arms and legs,
named Hetty and Polly Tyke; a very heavy, sleepy-looking boy about four
years old, sucking a large piece of sugar-candy; and lastly Jim Carter
and a big girl about his own age, whom he held by the hand.

'We thought you'd like if Kitty was to come; she's blind, you see, and
has never been to no Sunday School, because no one will take charge of
her; they runs off after a time, and then she comes to grief, she do!'

I was a little nonplussed, as I had only expected quite an infant
class; but I made the best of it, and after singing a hymn that they
all seemed to know I had a short prayer, and then settled down to a
Bible story.  I took Samuel's first call, made them each learn a little
verse about it, and then began to talk to them.  They were very quiet
and listened almost breathlessly, but we had a few interruptions: Roddy
suddenly nodded his head very violently towards me, and burst forth in
the middle of my talk,--'I'll bring you a robin's egg to-morrer, a
booful little egg for your breakfus!  I'll go in at the big gates all
by myself, and I'll knock at the big door with my stick, and then won't
you be very 'stonished!'

I hushed him, and a few minutes after little Tommy Evans dropped his
piece of sugar-candy, and in bending down to pick it up, overbalanced
himself and fell with a crash to the ground; of course he howled, and I
had to take him on my knee to pacify him.  But these little incidents
did not lessen their interest in the Bible story, and when I gave them
each a little reward ticket at the close their delighted faces showed
their appreciation of it all.  The hour over, I dismissed them, and
after promising to come again the next Sunday with several fresh
scholars, the little ones scampered off.  Jim politely offered to put
the room tidy again, and whilst he was doing it I drew the blind girl
out into the church porch and had a little talk with her.  She told me
her mother took in washing, and she helped her as much as she could.
'For father's been dead this five years, and grandfather's an old man,
and has rheumatics so bad in his knee he can't do no work, so mother
she keeps him; I wasn't always blind, I had scarlet fever when I was
just on three years old, but oh, I does wish for my sight in the
summer!'

'You poor child!' I said pityingly, 'you must long to see the flowers,
I feel sure.'

'Teacher,' she said earnestly, 'I like that about Samuel; I shall try
and say softly sometimes, "Speak, Lord, for Thy servant heareth."  He
will speak, won't He?  I should like to hear His voice.'

'You will, Kitty, I know you will.  God wants to have you for His
servant.  You give yourself to Him, and ask for His Holy Spirit to
teach you day by day.'

This short conversation sent me home with a happy heart.  I felt
thankful that I had found some work, and I resolved to visit the
parents of each child during the week.

It was a very different atmosphere I came into a short time later.  Tea
on Sunday afternoon was a time for visitors to drop in, and the
conversation seemed to me always on the most frivolous subjects.

Constance and Mr. Stroud had escaped and gone away into the garden by
themselves, and of course their engagement was being discussed as well
as the gaieties of the coming week.

I got into a quiet corner and took my tea in silence, hoping I might be
left unmolested, but this was not to be.  A Miss Gordon, with a
magnificent voice, was singing as I entered, and when she had finished
Kenneth turned to me: 'Now, Goody Two-Shoes, give us something from
your violin.'

He invariably addressed me by that name now, and I knew how vain it
would be to protest against it.

'Oh yes, Miss Thorn,' said Miss Gordon, 'we have heard wonderful things
of your playing; you are quite a genius, aren't you?'

'No,' I said, colouring a little, 'I am certainly not that, though I am
very fond of it; I must ask you, I am afraid, to excuse my playing this
afternoon.'

'Oh, please play; why won't you oblige us?'

'I never use my violin on Sunday.'

There was dead silence; then a Mrs. Parker, a young widow who had come
with Miss Gordon, said, 'But, my dear Miss Thorn, play us something
sacred, of course.  I always consider the violin quite a Sunday
instrument.  In our village the chapel people have two going at every
service they hold.  You surely cannot think it wicked to play it on
Sunday?'

No,' I said, 'I don't think it is _wicked_, but I would rather not do
it.  I am sure you will not press me.'

'She has just come back from Sunday School,' said Kenneth, looking
across at me with a twinkle in his eye, 'and so she is doubly shocked
with our levity.  I assure you, Mrs. Parker, her religious scruples are
such that I don't think she would pick a flower in the garden if you
were to ask her to on the Sabbath!

I rose from my seat, for I had finished my tea, and pointing to a
crimson rose in my waist-belt I said half laughing; 'I picked this as I
came in this afternoon,' and then I left the room and went upstairs,
where I had a nice quiet hour by myself.  I felt quiet times alone were
quite essential to me now, otherwise I seemed to almost lose touch with
the unseen things that were so dear to me.




CHAPTER VI

ONLY A FRIEND

      'Surely a woman's affection
  Is not a thing to be asked for,
    and had for only the asking?--_Longfellow._


Wednesday evening came, and all went off to Lady Walker's except Hugh
and myself.  He seemed very rarely to go out with the others, and was
generally up in London several nights a week.  I had helped the girls
to dress, and had done all I could for them before they went, but it
had been a trying time.  General Forsyth had hardly spoken to me since
he knew my decision was final, and Mrs. Forsyth was continually
referring to my foolishness.  So I was relieved when they were out of
the house, and quite enjoyed the quiet dinner with Hugh.  He certainly
exerted himself to be agreeable, and asked me if I would come upstairs
and sit in his study after dinner.

'Bring your violin,' he said, 'and if you will play nicely to me I will
treat you to a glimpse of the heavens through my telescope.  It is a
beautiful starry night.'

His study was a very comfortable-looking room, with a large bay window
overlooking the open country, and I took up my position in front of it
as I played to him.  I did not know he was so fond of music; but as I
laid my violin down I noticed how he was leaning back in his chair with
a dreamy smile upon his face, and drawing in a long breath, he said,--

'Thank you.  I think that's a better class of entertainment than what
is going on at the Walkers' at present.  A low-level life there, I
consider, and one only marvels at men and women spending their whole
existence in such trifles: time and talents utterly wasted, and powers
of intellect used and abused in the foolish chit-chat of society!'

He spoke so contemptuously that I looked up in surprise.

'I think,' I said, 'every one must have something to fill their life.
They are as much occupied in their gay sphere as you are in your
literary one.'

'Or as you in your pious one!  Quite true; and I suppose we each think
our own sphere immeasurably superior to any other.  I tell you
honestly, I have a contempt for the frivolous one, and a pity for the
religious.  I look at both from a higher platform.'

'You place all your faith in man's intellect,' I said slowly; 'but
"religious" people, as you call them, place their faith in the Creator
of man's intellect.  I don't think you are on a higher platform than
they; you haven't got quite high enough.'

He made a movement of impatience in his chair, then relapsed into his
natural supercilious manner.

'It is amusing to hear you air your views so dogmatically; if you were
versed in some of the literature of the present day, and knew how many
old-time notions and superstitions are disappearing under the full
clear light of reason and science, you would not speak so positively.
You must let me lend you a few books that may enlarge your thoughts and
enlighten you on these subjects.'

'No, thank you,' I said quietly; 'you mustn't be vexed if I say again,
you don't rise high enough; you read and study the works and production
of men's brains, but I go by God's own Book, and that is beyond and
above them all.'

Hugh laughed.  'I never argue with women, or I would show you how
faulty your statements are.  But never mind.  I would rather see a girl
take serious views of life than fritter it away as most do.  You mean
well, and live up to your light.  Now would you like to have a look
through my telescope?'

I assented; but I could not help wondering how much or how little Hugh
really did believe.  Nothing could be kinder than his explanations of
the different planets and stars that we looked out upon, and for a full
hour I was engrossed in gazing at various constellations above.  I had
always been interested in astronomy, and Hugh was very lucid as well as
patient in giving me a great deal of fresh information.  I listened and
gazed breathlessly, and at last came away from the telescope with a
deep-drawn breath of regret.

'It is so lovely; it seems to carry one quite away from earth
altogether: the infinite space stretching away and away.  Oh, Mr.
Forsyth, you do not doubt the existence of God, do you?'

'No; I believe in a Supreme Being.  I am not such an utter unbeliever
as that.'

'I should hardly think any one who studied astronomy could believe that
the universe was made by chance.  Isn't there some spot in the Pleiades
which is the centre of the whole solar system?  I remember seeing some
article about it once, and I like to think of heaven there.'

He smiled, but changed the conversation, and we did not touch on
serious subjects again.  When I prayed that night, I especially
remembered Hugh; it seemed so sad to me that he was only using his
intellect to try and discover flaws in the Bible, and prove to himself
and others that some of the most important truths in Christianity were
only popular superstitions.

Nelly had told me much about him; for though he kept himself aloof a
great deal from the girls, every now and then he would unbend, and, as
he had done this night, would take them into his study and interest
them with his telescope and conversation.

But I resolved not to read any of his books.  I felt I dared not
wilfully go into such temptation; and when, as I was leaving him, he
asked me if I would like the loan of a few, I answered, 'No, thank you,
I would rather not.  I am not a dissatisfied, restless soul that is
seeking for the truth.  I have found it, and am happy in it.'

'You are a very self-satisfied soul, at all events,' he said.

I coloured up, for I had been feeling a little self-righteous as I
mentally condemned him for his free-thinking opinions.

'I ought not to be satisfied,' I said in a contrite voice, 'with self;
but I am satisfied with Christ.'

And then I left him.

Nelly was very full of the delightful evening they had spent, when I
saw her the next morning, and I listened and tried to take an interest
in her account, for I knew how she loved to talk about such things; but
I heard nothing to make me regret my choice.

'Captain Gates left us that afternoon.  As he was wishing us all
good-bye, he turned to me and said:

'You will see me over here in another three weeks, for I am coming to
the dance here then, so this will not be a long good-bye.'

Then, as he shook hands with me, he lowered his voice, and said
earnestly, 'I shall not forget our talks together, Miss Thorn.  I have
been most interested, and I honestly tell you, I should like to have
the happiness and satisfaction that you get out of your religion.  I
don't know if I shall ever get it; but you will give me a thought
sometimes, won't you?'

'If you read the Bible, I am sure you will find what you need there,' I
said.

We were very quiet for the next week or two; I began visiting my Sunday
scholars in their homes, and started reading-lessons with Jim.  We went
out into the fields, and under the shade of some old tree would spend
many a quiet half-hour.  He was so anxious and eager to learn that I
did not find his dullness trying, and though progress seemed very slow,
it was sure, for what he once learnt he did not easily forget.  Jim's
uncle, Roger Carter, was quite a character, and he dearly loved me to
drop in and have a chat with him.  He was a good old man, and generally
asked me to have a bit of reading or a prayer with him before I left.
And when he discovered that I played on the violin, nothing would
pacify him until I had brought it down and given him a tune.

'Ah,' he said, drawing a long breath, 'that's something like moosic,
that is.  I know the right sort when I heers it.  I've got a ear for
it, though I've not the hands.  I plays my toones on these 'ere boots
and shoes.'  And he laughed as he looked up at me through his shaggy
eyebrows.

The day came for the Forsyths' dance.  I had asked Mrs. Forsyth quietly
if she would mind my keeping in my own room and not appearing at all;
but this she would not hear of, and I felt myself that it would be a
difficult thing to do.  I longed to go away somewhere for a few days,
and so miss it; but my old cousin in London had gone abroad, and I had
very few old friends.  So I determined to make no fuss about it, and
trusted that I should be able to escape notice in the crowd, and slip
away by myself when the dancing began.  I told Nelly positively that if
I was present I would not dance.  She laughed at me, and assured me I
would change my mind when the time came.

I did not realize what a large affair it would be, and I must honestly
confess as the time drew near I felt a certain pleasurable excitement
in all the preparations for it.  A large marquee was put up on the
lawn, and I with the others helped in decorating and draping it inside.
A regimental band was coming, and Nelly assured me with pride,--

'Our autumn ball is the event of the year.  You will see that everybody
will be here.'

And so at last the evening arrived.  Both Nelly and I were in soft
white silk; and when Mrs. Forsyth came into my room to inspect my dress
before going down, she said kindly,--

'You look very nice, child.  Now I hope you are going to enjoy yourself
like other girls, and not let silly scruples lead you into doing
anything that will displease General Forsyth.'

'I am not going to dance, Mrs. Forsyth,' I said, flushing as I spoke.

She left my room without replying, and then kneeling down, I asked to
be kept and guided throughout the evening.  I found great comfort in
the verse, 'I pray not that Thou shouldest take them out of the world,
but that Thou shouldest keep them from the evil.'  And on my knees I
asked that I might not only be kept from joining in the gaiety, but
from wishing to join in it, for I felt how little I knew my own heart.
All that day I had had longings to throw myself heart and soul into
everything, as Nelly intended doing; and I found myself wondering if
there would be very much harm in doing so.

An hour later and I was in the midst of it.  The first one who made his
way to me was Captain Gates.

'I want you to give me a waltz,' he said.  'We have danced together
before, so don't say "No."  I have been looking forward to it.'

I shook my head.

'I can see from your face, Captain Gates, that you know what my answer
will be.  I think you would be very surprised if I were to do it.'

'I assure you I shouldn't be,' he responded; 'there's no earthly
difference in dancing now and dancing a week or two ago.  It is the
same partner and the same place.  Come, don't make my evening an
unpleasant one by refusing!'

'I should not do that in any case,' I answered; 'there are plenty of
other partners in the room for you.'

'I will not dance with any of them if I cannot dance with you.'

I looked up in surprise; there was suppressed vehemence in his tone; he
went on,--

'Will you come out upon the terrace with me?  I--I want to speak to
you.'

I hesitated, and wanted to refuse, but I had a longing to get out into
the cool air, and I did not realize at the time what it might lead to.

So throwing a light shawl over my head I stepped out upon the terrace,
and then suddenly he overwhelmed me with surprise and consternation by
telling me that he cared for me, and asking if I could return his love.

'I am very, very sorry,' I faltered; 'but you have known me such a
little while that I never dreamt of such a thing.  I can hardly believe
you are in earnest even now.'

'Do I look as if I were trifling?' he said earnestly.  'Miss Thorn, you
have the making of me in your hands.  I have led a useless kind of life
up to the present, and I have for a long time been dissatisfied and
restless about it.  I see you have what I have not, and I want your
help.  I do want a good woman as my wife--I feel she could raise my
life to a higher level, and you could do this for me.'

'I cannot,' I said gravely.  'No one can do that but God.'

He went on without heeding me,--

'Don't think I am asking you only to be my reformer--I would give you
love in return.  You don't know what you are to me!  I cannot get your
image out of my heart.  Don't steel yourself against me, but try, do
just try, to like me.'

'I like you as a friend very much,' I replied, trying to speak gently,
for I could see he was very much moved.  'You have been most kind to me
ever since I came; I am only so sorry that I cannot think of you in any
other light.'

'A friend!' he exclaimed impetuously; 'I don't want that.  Ah! Miss
Thorn, you are so desirous of doing good and spending your life in
ministering to others, and yet when an opportunity comes of really
benefiting a human creature and of making him into a good man, you turn
away in scorn.  If you will have nothing to say to me, you will send me
from bad to worse!'

'Oh, Captain Gates!' and tears that I could not keep back started to my
eyes, 'you know it is not in scorn I am acting so.  But it wouldn't be
for our good if I were to say "Yes."  I have not any love to give you,
and I know myself better than you do.  If I loved you, I would not dare
to link my life with yours.  Forgive me for saying it.  I am not strong
enough to lead you; I should be led by you.  You do not know what a
weak creature I am.  As it is, I feel I am safe, for I put my trust in
God, and He keeps me; but I would not dare to place myself in a
position of temptation and then expect Him to keep me in it.'

'Really you must have a very low opinion of me.  What kind of a life do
you think I lead?  I want to do better, I want to be an out-and-out
Christian.  And I want you to help me to become one.'

'Hilda! out here?  I am so warm that I shall come and join you.  How
delicious the air is!'

It was Nelly who cut our conversation short, and I was very thankful to
make my escape.  I felt I must be alone, and hastened away to my own
room.




CHAPTER VII

A FRESH ACQUAINTANCE

  'I say
  Just what I think, and
  Nothing more or less.'--_Longfellow._


I was not missed that night, and no one came near me.  With my Bible on
my knees, I felt quite convinced that I had acted rightly, and I was
thankful that beyond a sincere liking for Captain Gates as a friend I had
no other feeling to make my decision a hard matter.  Inexperienced as I
was, I knew no Christian ought to yoke themselves with another, with only
the hope of helping them heavenwards in view.  And I felt that if I were
to love any one, it must be one who could help and lead me in the right
way, and who was an older and a better Christian than I was myself.  But
I was sorry for Captain Gates, and wrote him a little note that same
night, for I was afraid lest the interruption to our conversation should
give him the excuse for continuing the subject when another opportunity
offered itself, and that I wanted to avoid.

The next morning I went to Mrs. Forsyth's boudoir, and finding her alone
told her of what had passed the night before.  She was much surprised,
and not altogether pleased.

'I ought to have looked after you better,' she said, 'but Captain Gates
has seemed more like a brother to my girls.  He was brought up with the
boys, and has looked upon this as his second home.  I noticed, of course,
how attentive he was to you; but it is his way with most fresh
acquaintances, and I never dreamed of it leading to anything serious.
Why, he has no prospects beyond his pay and a trifling allowance from his
father!  What could he be dreaming of?'

I listened, but said nothing, only wondered at the different views people
took of things.  Mrs. Forsyth's reason for my refusal of him was so very
far apart from mine.

The ball was a theme of conversation for many days after, and I was
thankful that my absence from it had been so little noticed.  But, as
time went on, my life seemed to get very difficult.  I think I had
naturally a bright disposition, and so in the first freshness of my
surroundings did not mind the little disagreeables attending my
'strait-laced views,' as Nelly called them.  When Captain Gates had left
us, our gaiety did not cease; I seemed to be continually in opposition to
my guardian, and after bearing a good deal of grave displeasure from him,
and light scorn from the rest, I was finally left in peace to go my way
alone, with the sense of being in perpetual disgrace, and being shunned
and avoided by most of the girls' friends.  This I could not help feeling
acutely--I longed to be friends with every one; and many a tear was shed
in the privacy of my own room, as I would see a merry party leave the
house bound on some excursion--perhaps a simple water picnic--to which I
had not been asked, on account of my 'peculiar ideas.'  Then it was I
sought to 'dwell deep,' and found increasing comfort in studying my
little Bible.  I was not dull, for I visited much in the village.  My
Sunday class increased, and my little scholars were a perpetual source of
enjoyment to me.  I went for walks with Violet and her governess, and
when feeling lonely would often take my violin up to my room and enjoy an
hour or two there in quiet.  Sometimes Hugh would ask me to come in and
play to him, and as the evenings drew in I often went to him for an hour
before dinner.  He really was fond of music, and would lean back in his
chair and thoroughly enjoy it.  I tried to make myself as pleasant to
every one as I could: I helped Mrs. Forsyth in her gardening, which was
her particular hobby; I ran errands for the girls, and made a point of
obliging them in every way possible; I practised my violin with Violet,
and was always ready for an outdoor scramble with her when Miss Graham
was not able to accompany us; and in filling up my days with these
occupations I learnt to be content and happy.

'You are a good little thing, Hilda,' Nelly said one day to me, as I was
handing her back a pair of gloves I had been mending for her.  'I
sometimes think we are very horrid to you.  I wish you weren't so awfully
religious; but I will say this for you, that you practise what you
preach, and your religion seems to suit you.  I am sure, though you
haven't half the fun that I have, you always look as bright and jolly as
you can be.  How do you manage it?'

'I try to "dwell deep,"' I said; and Nelly laughingly rejoined as she
left me,--

'I am sure you are deeper than I am.  I like to skim the surface as I go
through life; one gets the cream that way.'

It was a bright October morning.  I had been picking some late roses on
the lawn close to the house, and with my hands full of those and some
lovely sprays of red and gold-coloured leaves was just entering the hall
door, when a strange voice made me turn round.

'Is Mrs. Forsyth at home?'

It was a lady who spoke, in clear, brisk tones; she was not very young,
and wore a severely plain dress: a round felt hat like a man's, with two
or three crow's feathers stuck in carelessly at the side, a thick pair of
leather gauntlets, and carried a walking stick in her hand.

I was answering in the affirmative, when suddenly down came her hand on
my shoulder.

'Are you Hilda Thorn?'

'Yes,' I said, quietly meeting a searching look from two keen dark eyes
under very thick eyebrows.

'And you are indeed, I hear, a veritable thorn in the side of my poor
sister.  I am glad to have met you.  Now take me to her.'

Her quick, imperative tones awed me.  I had heard Nelly talk about an
aunt of theirs, a Miss Rayner, who was a strong-minded and peculiar
woman, and I rightly conjectured that this must be she.

We found Mrs. Forsyth in her own sitting-room, busy with accounts, and I
fancied she did not look well pleased at the advent of the visitor.

'Well, Helen,' she said, rising from her seat, 'you are home again, then.
I thought you were still in America.  This is quite a surprise.'

'I don't take long over business, and I am not one to let the grass grow
under my feet.  I have been making acquaintance with this young person.
Why, Maria, she is a mere baby!'

I beat a retreat hastily, and finding Nelly practising a song in the
drawing-room, told her of the arrival.

'Aunt Helen! my goodness! won't mother be in a fuss!  She pays us
periodical visits to set us all straight.  Isn't she a cure, Hilda?  I'm
always expecting to see her walk in rigged out in a sporting
costume--knickerbockers and all.  She wears a greatcoat in winter exactly
like a man's.'

'She has a handsome face,' I said, 'and I like her short grey hair; it
seems to suit her.  She must be quite six foot, Nelly, isn't she?'

'Yes, half an inch over, I think.  What did she say to you?'

'She told your mother I was a mere baby.'

Nelly burst out laughing.  'That's better than being called an
empty-pated noodle, as I was, the last time I was addressed by her.  Now
I wonder if she is going to stay to lunch; did she say?'

'I did not hear her.  Where does she live?'

'Only about fifteen miles from here, but we do not often meet.  She is
quite a character.  Do you know what her hobby is?  Rearing poultry.  She
keeps what she calls a "chicken farm," and sends her eggs and fowls up to
London.  In the winter she uses incubators, and has broods of chickens
all the year round.  Her farm is quite a sight worth seeing.  I believe
she has lots of visitors from all parts, and she prides herself upon
having all the latest improvements.  She has just been over to Chicago
about an incubator; they are always adding improvements, she says, and
she went over to see it properly worked.'

'But does she do this from mercenary motives?' I asked.

'Oh no.  She is very comfortably off; it is just her hobby, but I believe
she makes money over it.  She is a clever woman, and hates society.  She
must do something with her life, I suppose.  I believe she has a love
story, but mother will never tell; she always says, "It was not for the
lack of suitors that your aunt has remained single."'

I was interested in this account of Miss Rayner, and when we met at
luncheon I found my eyes continually wandering in her direction.  She
talked well, and was most amusing, though her sarcastic speeches and
scornful curl of the lip rather spoilt the conversation, I thought.

She took no notice of me, and so I was greatly astonished, when she was
bidding us all good-bye shortly after lunch, to see her give a quick nod
at me and say,

'I shall see you shortly.  You are coming over to stay with me the end of
next week.  Don't bring a lot of evening toggery, for you will not see a
soul except myself.'

Seeing my surprised looks, Mrs. Forsyth said,--

'I have not asked her if she would like to go yet.'

'Oh, she will come fast enough,' responded Miss Rayner sharply.  'She has
been listening quietly and drawing her own conclusions about me during
luncheon, and she thinks I am queer, but that I am different to most
folks.  Novelty has a charm for the young.  _Au revoir_, Miss Thorn.'

She gave me a little mocking bow, kissed Mrs. Forsyth, waved her hand to
the others, and was gone before I could recover from my surprise at this
sudden announcement.

I turned to Mrs. Forsyth for an explanation, but she merely said,

'Miss Rayner has invited you over to her place for a week or two.  Of
course it remains with you whether you would like to go or not.  Nelly
has stayed with her once or twice; so she can tell you whether you will
be likely to enjoy yourself there.'

'But she never asked me, mother,' said Nelly.  'I only went there in a
convalescent state after an attack of measles.  She must have taken a
wonderful fancy to Hilda to ask her.'

Visions of my Sunday scholars floated before me, and I said
hesitatingly,--

'I don't know that I care about going, Mrs. Forsyth.  She is a perfect
stranger to me, and I am quite happy here.'

'I think the change will be good for you,' said Mrs. Forsyth, 'and it has
come at the right time, for I think of taking the two girls up to London
for three weeks.  Miss Forsyth, their aunt, has asked us.  She extended
the invitation to you; but unless you behave differently there to what
you do with us, I really could not undertake to have the charge of you.
She lays herself out for the pleasure of young people in her house, and
you could hardly accept her hospitality if you refused to take part in
every entertainment that was provided for you.'

'No,' I said quietly, 'I am afraid I should only be a wet blanket if I
went.  I will go to Miss Rayner's if you wish, Mrs. Forsyth.  Perhaps you
would rather I went to her than stay quietly at home?'

'I certainly should!'

And so the matter was settled.  Mrs. Forsyth and the girls left the room,
but I stood for a moment at the window looking out into the garden.  I
felt the sting of Mrs. Forsyth's words; she did not often hint so plainly
what a trouble I was to her, and though I knew it was true, it gave me a
lonely, desolate feeling, and I wondered how I could always bear it.
Tears came to my eyes, and then suddenly Kenneth's voice broke in,

'Crying, Goody?  What's the matter?'

I had not noticed he was in the room, and hastily controlled myself.  His
light, bantering tone jarred upon me, but I answered, trying to laugh,
'Nothing; I am silly, that is all.'

'I don't think you can want to go to wicked London, do you?' he pursued,
as he threw himself back into an easy chair and surveyed me meditatively.
'Do you think you are being banished to Miss Rayner's as a punishment?'

'Of course not.  I--I am only sorry that I vex your mother so.'

'You have the remedy in your own hands.  But I suppose you get a good
deal of pleasure out of the consciousness of your own superiority to us
all, and that solaces and supports you through everything.'

'You know that is not so!' I said, and my tone was indignant.

He laughed.  'You mustn't get angry, you know; that is not saintly.  Are
you frightened of our respected aunt?'

'No, not frightened, but I am not fond of making fresh acquaintances, and
sometimes I feel that there is no place for me here; if only I had a home
of my own!'

'I think I can manage that for you,' was Kenneth's reply.  'Let me send a
line to Gates; I will tell him you are relenting.'

I ignored this speech, and continued: 'You know what I mean.  If my
parents had lived, it would have been so different.  Not that I have
anything to complain of.  No one could be kinder than General and Mrs.
Forsyth.  I am only sorry that I have disappointed them so!'

Kenneth was silent for a moment, then he said cheerfully, 'Look here!  I
am not going up to town, so I promise to ride over and see you while you
are with my aunt.  Then you can tell me if she is bullying you.  You need
not stay there if you do not like it.'

I laughed.

'Perhaps I shall like her so much that I shall not want to come back
here.  But I shall be very glad to see you if you come.'




CHAPTER VIII

DRAWN TOGETHER

  'As we meet and touch each day
  The many travellers on our way,
  Let every such brief contact be
  A glorious helpful ministry.'


I have a very pleasant recollection of my arrival at Miss Rayner's
home.  It was a lovely afternoon, bright and sunny, with a touch of
frost in the air, when I reached the little country station.  There was
a trap waiting for me outside, in charge of a garrulous old coachman
who was quite a character.  When he had seen to my luggage and wrapped
a fur rug round me, I noticed him taking a sidelong glance at me, and
then he commenced, 'You're a fresh h'arrival here, I reckon, miss.  We
don't so h'often have young lady visitors.'

'You have had one of the Miss Forsyths,' I said.

'Well--yes, we have, h'and I don't see much harm in her.  She's
flighty, but she's young, h'and time will mend that.  H'are you closely
h'intimated with the mistress?'

I smiled.  'No, I cannot say that,' I answered, 'but I hope to be soon.'

He shook his head doubtfully.  'She's no h'ordinary female.  Hi'm no
great lover of the weaker sex, but hi'll say this for Miss Helen, h'and
I've known her from the time I took her h'out h'on her first pony,
she's a deal more sensibility than many h'of h'us men!  I h'often says
to Susan, who h'is a poor h'useless body with a very long tongue, h'and
it's h'only the mistress's kindness to keep such h'an h'old pottering
body h'on, for she's h'always making an h'ado about nothing.  I says,
"Susan, the mistress h'is h'almost h'equal to a master," and that's
saying a good deal.  She holds herself high, and she's h'impatient like
of women folks; but she has a proper respect for me that has been in
the family so long, and though it is laughable how she thinks she has
me in leading-strings and manages me h'entirely, I h'affords her that
pleasure, h'and goes my h'own way.  Ah!  She's a fine woman, Miss Helen
is!'

With these and similar remarks he beguiled my drive, and though I
smiled at the self-importance of his tone, I could tell that he was an
attached and faithful servant.  We stopped at length at a gate, drove
through it up a short avenue of limes, and then came to one of the
prettiest old-fashioned farmhouses that I have ever been in.  It was a
long, low gable-roofed house, with latticed casements, and
autumn-tinted creepers covering the old grey stone and porch.  The door
was open, and two large dogs darted out to welcome us.  When I stepped
inside a cheery-looking old woman appeared in a very large cap and
apron.

'Miss Thorn, isn't it, my dear?  The mistress was called out on a
matter of business, and she asked me to make you comfortable.  Come
this way, miss; you'll be glad of a bit of a fire after your cold
drive?'

She led me through the square hall, wainscoted up to the ceiling with
old oak, and having an oaken staircase with very thick balustrades on
either side going up from the middle of it, into a long, low room
which, with crimson druggeting on the floor, and the same coloured
curtains to the windows, looked very cosy and bright in the firelight.

She left me saying she would bring in tea, and I, seating myself in an
easy chair by the fire, spread out my feet in front of the blaze, and
looked about me curiously.  Comfort certainly was more studied than
elegance in this room.  No flimsy draperies or works of art adorned the
chairs and couches.  A small square oak table stood in the centre of
the room.  On it was a beautiful chrysanthemum, some magazines and
papers, and a pair of riding gloves thrown carelessly down.  Two large
crimson-covered couches occupied the deep recesses on either side of
the fire place.  A well-filled bookcase stood opposite between the
pretty casement windows, and a stand of ferns at the end of the room
was in front of another window, through which I could catch a glimpse
of some distant hills and the setting sun disappearing behind them.
The walls, like the hall, were wainscoted with old oak, but some
beautiful water-colours and old china relieved their somewhat sombre
hue.

The old servant soon returned, wheeling in a round table up to the
fire, and bringing in a tempting-looking tea with plenty of hot cakes
and scones.

'Help yourself, miss,' she said, in a motherly sort of tone; 'the
mistress may be out some time yet.  I hope you didn't find the open
trap cold.  John, he will have his way sometimes, but I said to him you
would have been better with the closed wagonette.  I hope John didn't
make too free, miss?  He has a longer tongue, I tell him, than any
woman's; but he has seen a deal of life!  He was London born and bred,
and goes up every year to visit his friends there.  He's getting old
now, as I am myself; but though he speaks sharp, he's as easy to be
managed as a baby.  Any one can twist him round with their little
finger, so long as they just flatter him a bit.'

How I laughed to myself when she left me, and wondered when they both
got together whose tongue was the longest!

I enjoyed the tea provided for me, and liked the quiet and
solitude--such a contrast to the Forsyths' afternoon meal.  Then, as no
one came, a sudden longing took possession of me to try my violin.  The
dusky twilight, and the fire flickering over the quaint, old-fashioned
room, seemed to bring me into a world of fancy.

I had my violin with me, as I would never trust my case in any other
hand but mine, and so, slipping off my jacket, I was soon in a dream,
playing on and on without a thought of my present surroundings.

I don't know how long I played, but as the last note died away a brisk
voice said from the further side of the room,--

'Bravo!  I like to hear any one play without being conscious of
listeners.'

I started.  It was Miss Rayner, leaning back in an easy chair, who
spoke; but when I apologised for making myself so at home, she said
sharply, 'Tut, child!  No company manners here, or I shall wish you
away.  Now I want some tea.  How long have you been here?'

I told her, and then she said,

'And what do you think of my invitation?  Are you pleased to be here?'

'Yes, I think I am,' I said honestly.  'I was a little shy about it at
first; but now I have come, it seems so restful and quiet.'

'That's because I was out,' she said, with a short laugh; 'but I will
allow it is a quieter house than the one you have left.  When do they
leave for town?'

'To-morrow.'

'And are you longing to be with them?'

There was a quizzical gleam in her eye, as my gaze met hers.

'No,' I said a little gravely; 'they would rather be without me, and I
should not be happy with them.'

'You evidently do not shake in well with them.  Ah, well!  I will not
catechise you too closely the first evening.  I shall soon find out
what your special fads and crotchets are.  Now, would you like to come
upstairs to your room?  I dine at half-past seven, and it is nearly
seven now.  Have you made friends with Susan?  I call her my
maid-of-all-work--she was my mother's maid years ago, and has stuck to
me ever since.  I have a very small establishment, as you perceive.
Susan is house, parlour, and lady's-maid all in one, with only a young
girl to help her.  John is coachman, groom, and gardener combined, and
an old cook completes our household.'

'But who helps in the--the poultry farm?' I asked, as I followed her up
the old-fashioned staircase.

'I keep a man and a boy for that part of the business; they sleep out
of the house.'

She led me into a pretty little room with a very deep window seat.  It
was furnished simply, but comfortably, though quite devoid of all
knick-knacks.

When I was alone, I just knelt down and asked that even here I might be
given some work to do, and, above all, that I might not be ashamed to
own my Master.

Miss Rayner appeared at dinner in a severe black silk made perfectly
plain; she glanced at my lighter costume as we took our seats at the
table, and said,--

'How many of those flimsy gowns have you brought with you?  I told you
I should have no company.'

'I have only one other with me,' I replied meekly.

'I think girls spend more money on evening dresses than any other
object, and generally look the worse for them,' she continued.  'Why on
earth women shouldn't have a universal dress suit, like the men, I
can't imagine.'

'You do not mean the same as the men's?' I said, laughing.

'The same in colour, if not in cut,' she said briskly.  'Black and
white would be suitable for young and old, and the variety of face
would be more noticeable, instead of as now, the variety of dress.'

And then she turned to other subjects, giving me an amusing account of
her last visit to Chicago, and the people she had been introduced to
there.

When dinner was over we went back to the drawing-room, and without
further preface she said,--

'And now just tell me why you are giving my poor dear sister such
trouble?  It's enough to turn her hair grey, from her own account!'

Her tone was mocking, and I hesitated in complying with her request.

'Are you afraid of me?' she said, with a little laugh, after a minute's
silence.

I looked her full in the face.  'No, I don't think I am; but I am
afraid you will not understand.'

'My intellect may not be quite so keen and bright as yours, but if you
try to use very simple language, perhaps I may be able to grasp your
meaning.'

I coloured, and said confusedly, 'I am very sorry I am vexing Mrs.
Forsyth so.  I did not know when I came to live with General Forsyth
that it would be so difficult.  I don't care for gaiety, and don't wish
to be drawn into it; and they want me to be the same as their
daughters.  It is their kindness that makes it so hard to hold out
against their wishes.'

'And are you living only to please yourself?'

'I hope not,' I said slowly, as I took in the drift of her question;
'it is because I don't want to live for self that I feel it right to
act so.'

Miss Rayner smiled a little contemptuously, I fancied.

'Oh, you young girls!' was all she said; but her tone silenced me.

After a few minutes, she said: 'And when did you come to the conclusion
that you had a soul above the frivolities of this world?'

'Does that conclusion seem very absurd to you, Miss Rayner?'

She looked at me with an odd kind of smile.  'I believe you could be a
little spitfire if you liked,' she said.  'You must remember I have
lived a little longer in the world than you have.  And I have met with
young girls of something the same stamp as yourself, who ran away from
home duties to visit in the slums, and because they despise men of the
world, lavish all their love and adoration on a wishy-washy curate, who
very often encourages them, and then gives them the slip in the end,
sending them back to their homes sadder and wiser women.  My sister has
cause for thankfulness that there is no curate in her parish.'

'Miss Rayner, I don't think I quite deserve that,' I said.

She laughed.  'I am very rude and plain-spoken.  You must put up with
that if you come to stay with me.  I did promise not to catechise you
the first evening, didn't I?  But the temptation proves too strong.  I
have had a lot of disagreeable business to-day, and now I feel I want
relaxation and amusement.'

'Why have _you_ given up going out into society?' I asked.

'Ah!  Now you are turning the tables on me.  But I have lived my
life--you have yours yet to come.  Can you give me any clear reason why
you should be different to the Forsyths?  Is it a matter of principle?
If so, what is the principle?'

'"Be not conformed to this world,"' I said, in a low voice, but a
steady one; '"Come out from among them, and be ye separate."  Those are
two commands I am trying to obey, Miss Rayner.'

'Why?' was the curt inquiry.

'Because I belong to Christ, and I want to carry out His wishes.'

'I don't think Christ shunned society.  If I remember my Bible rightly,
He did quite the reverse.'

'He would not have been found in the fashionable Roman Court society,'
I said.  'I don't know much of the world, Miss Rayner; perhaps that is
why I feel, if I went right into every sort of gaiety I should not be
able to stop myself.  I know I should become so fascinated and
engrossed that I should think of nothing else.  Don't you think it very
engrossing?  When you went out yourself, didn't you find it so?'

'I don't believe I have been put through my catechism so for years,'
was Miss Rayner's reply.  'I reserve to myself the right of asking
questions.  And so you try to make your life one of rigid self-denial?
It won't last long, child.  You are only human like the rest of us, and
the reaction will come, as I have seen it in scores of cases before.'

I said nothing.

She continued, after a pause:--

'You can't be happy leading such a life.  It is not natural; and it
must be a constant source of fret to yourself and those with whom you
live.'

'But I am very happy, Miss Rayner--I really am.  I have what satisfies
my heart, and any amount of worldly pleasure never does that, does it?
It is a difficult life to lead with the Forsyths, but I am helped to
"dwell deep," and I am quite content.'

'And what friends have you?' Miss Rayner asked, her dark, piercing eyes
fixed intently on my face.

'Well,' I said slowly, 'I have no special friends.  I like Nelly and
Violet very much, but Nelly has her own friends, and Violet is busy
with her lessons.  Most of the girls who come to the house of course
find me rather slow, and leave me alone, but I am getting accustomed to
that.'

'It won't last,' Miss Rayner said again; and then she asked me to play
to her on my violin.

I did so, and she lay back in her chair, listening with half-closed
eyes; but when I put my instrument down I again encountered her earnest
gaze.

'You are a pretty little thing,' she said abruptly; 'I suppose that is
no news to you?'

'I have not often been told so,' I said, flushing, and half laughing at
her bluntness.

'It is no thanks to you that you are made so,' she said.  'I have no
patience with people who are possessed with good looks; they invariably
take the credit of their beauty to themselves, and are quite
insufferable with all their airs and graces.  I don't say this is the
case with you, for I have not seen enough of you to tell yet.  Now I am
going to read, so you will be left in peace for a little.  Would you
like a magazine?'

There was no more talk between us that night.  At half-past ten Miss
Rayner rose and wished me good-night.

'I breakfast at half-past eight punctually,' she said; 'so you will
like to retire now, I expect.'

And this I did, wondering, when I reached my room, what it was that so
attracted me towards Miss Rayner; for, in spite of her blunt manner and
tone, I really had taken a liking to her, and was glad that I was going
to see more of her.




CHAPTER IX

QUIET DAYS

'The slow, sweet hours that bring us all things good.'--_Tennyson._


The next morning, after breakfast, Miss Rayner took me all over her
chicken farm.  It was most interesting to me, as I had never seen
anything of the sort before.  All the houses and contrivances for the
chickens, from the time they left their egg-shells, were so perfect in
every little detail, and the incubators I thought charming.  A brood of
little chicks were just hatched, but I could not help expressing my
regret to Miss Rayner that they had no proper mother.

'They must miss such a lot,' I said; 'it seems such a desolate state to
be in.'

'We never miss what we have not been accustomed to,' Miss Rayner said
briskly.  'Much better have no mother than a bad one, and hens are not
better than most folks--they very often ill-treat their young.'

I saw, from the way she went about and superintended everything, that
her whole heart was with her poultry, and she was one to do all that
came to her hand both thoroughly and well.  Her servants seemed devoted
to her, though I heard her scolding her outdoor man so severely that I
wondered he stood it as meekly as he did.

I soon became quite at home, and enjoyed my new life immensely.  I was
left pretty much to myself in the morning, but in the afternoon Miss
Rayner would often invite me out for a long walk or drive.  She rode a
great deal, and persuaded me to accompany her on a very quiet chestnut
mare.

I had taken riding lessons at school, but had not had much opportunity
of riding since, and the Forsyths never seemed to have a horse to
spare.  It was a great pleasure to me now, and I could not but enjoy
Miss Rayner's society.  She was a cultivated, well-read woman, and her
conversation was very different to that to which I had been accustomed.
She made me feel my own ignorance on many subjects, and I was glad to
read the books and reviews she placed in my hands.

One evening she had given me a fresh book, dealing with some of the
questions of the present day, and had said that she would like me to
study it, for the writer was a clever and rising author.

I read on for some time in silence, and then I put it down.

'Is it too deep for you?' she asked.

'No,' I replied; 'but I don't like it.'

'I am surprised.  There is such a decided religious tone in it that I
thought it would just suit you.'

'It is just that tone I don't like.  It represents some of the Bible
truths so unfairly.'

'In what way?'

'In speaking of God's justice----'

'Please explain,' she said, as I faltered.

'Justice is not cruelty, Miss Rayner.  I suppose he holds the same
views that so many seem to hold.  And even in novels now that you get
at a circulating library you constantly come across the same thing--a
kind of contempt for the "old, narrow doctrines," as they call them,
bringing down God's standard to theirs, and condemning what they cannot
understand.'

Miss Rayner laughed.

'You are getting hot over their iniquities.  I did not know you were
such a critical young person.'

'I can't bear the Bible being made light of,' I said.  'They cut away
and put their own interpretation on the most solemn truths.  Do you
agree with this man, Miss Rayner?'

'In the face of such severe criticism, I should be bold to say I did,'
was the laughing reply; then she added, more seriously, 'I don't really
know what I do believe.  Perhaps you would be shocked at some of my
theories.  I never trouble my head about doctrines; a man's life is
more important than his creed.'

'And what kind of a life do you believe in?' I asked.

'An upright, honourable life, in which all lying and humbug would not
find a place.  A life spent for the good of one's fellow-creatures is
the noblest one, but few attain to that.  I think we ought to leave
some the better for our influence when we depart this life.'

'And then?' I asked.

She shrugged her shoulders.  '"Sufficient unto the day is the evil
thereof."  The present is what we have to deal with, not the future.
Don't look so shocked, child.  If you question me so closely, what am I
to do?  I am not an unbeliever.  I go to church every Sunday morning,
and, as you see, I keep up the old custom of family prayers once a day.
Don't judge other people as heathen because they may not think exactly
the same as yourself.'

I said no more.  I felt too young and inexperienced to argue with a
woman of such a stamp as Miss Rayner.  She would lean back in her
chair, and look and listen to me with an amused twinkle in her eyes;
but as for being convinced of the truth by anything that I said, that,
I knew, was a moral impossibility.  Yet, when I went to my room that
night, I prayed earnestly for her, and felt more than ever the comfort
that what was impossible to man was easy and possible to God, and the
Holy Spirit Himself could convince her of her need of a Saviour.

I was a little troubled lest, through cowardice, I had not made as good
a use of the opportunity as I might have done; so the next morning, at
breakfast, I said to her,--

'Miss Rayner, I have been thinking over our conversation last night.
Do you think doing good to our fellow-creatures is all that God
requires of us?  Is He Himself not to have a place in our life?  What
do you think of words like these, "Thou hast created all things, and
for Thy pleasure they are and were created"?'

'Now, look here,' she said good-naturedly, 'I am not going to be
preached to.  The chief thing that made me take to you was, that you
were not a prig, with all your extreme devotedness.  And I will not
enter into religious discussions.  I might disturb your faith, and I
don't want to do that.  Keep your religion to yourself, and live it
out, child, if you want to impress others.  I am sick of cant and
humbug--be real and true, and you are sure to commend your views to
others, but you will never do it by preaching at them.'

I coloured up.  'I didn't mean to preach,' I began.

'You felt it was on your conscience to say more to me.  Oh, I know all
about it!  I can read your face like a book, and you took about ten
minutes to make up your mind to do it.'

I could not help laughing at her tone, but said no more, as I saw how
useless it would be.

It was a few days after this that Kenneth made his appearance.  He rode
up to the door just as we were sitting down to luncheon.

'What do you want?' asked Miss Rayner sharply, as she made him welcome
at the table.  'I am not accustomed to visits from you.'

'No,' Kenneth said, laughing; 'I only came to see how Goody Two-Shoes
was getting on, and whether she wants to come home again.'

'I am very happy here, thank you,' I said.

'I was not aware that the arrangement of her affairs was in your
hands,' Miss Rayner remarked drily.

Kenneth laughed again good-humouredly.  'Well, you see, my father is
away, and I am acting as his representative.  What do you think of her,
aunt?  Has she been trying to convert you yet?'

Miss Rayner's eyes sparkled a little as she looked across at me.  'I am
not going to tell tales,' she said.  'We understand each other, I
think--at any rate, we are trying to.'

'I am afraid she has not had sufficient scope at our house, for we are
too many for her,' Kenneth pursued; 'the only one who was amenable to
her influence was Captain Gates.  I really believe he was quite
willing, only she wouldn't do it for him, when it came to the point.'

'Oh, hush, Kenneth!' I exclaimed.  'Please don't talk so; you know how
I dislike it.'

'I am afraid Gates has lost his chance,' Kenneth continued, with one of
his provoking smiles.  'I met him last week, Goody, and what do you
think he was doing?  Now don't look so indifferent, for, remember, if
he goes to the dogs, it will be you who has driven him there.  He was
packing his things up for Monte Carlo.  And he is going to propose to
the first heiress that he comes across, for he is desperately hard up
just now.'

I felt my cheeks get hot, and I knew that Miss Rayner's eyes were
scanning me closely.

'How is Violet?' I asked.  'Isn't she feeling rather lonely?'

'I never set eyes on her,' was the brotherly reply, 'except that before
I got off this morning she came rushing out with all sorts of messages
to you.  I told her I shouldn't remember half.  One was that she wanted
you back, I think; the other, that Miss Graham had taken your precious
Sunday class, and had found it so entertaining that she was going to
try it again.'

'Oh, I am so glad!' I exclaimed.  'I was hoping she would; and is she
going to give Jim a reading-lesson in the week, do you know?'

'That I can't tell you.'

After luncheon, Miss Rayner went down to the village on some errand,
and then Kenneth inquired, 'Is she treating you well?'

'Of course,' I replied; 'she is most kind, and I am enjoying myself
very much.'

'What on earth do you do with yourself all day in this out-of-the-way
hole?  Have you seen a single visitor since you have been here?'

'Not one,' I said, laughing; 'and for myself, I would just as soon be
without them.'

'We are awfully slow at home just now,' Kenneth said; 'Hugh is as
grumpy and cross as two sticks.  I dine out whenever I can, and shoot
everything I come across in the day-time.  I even condescend to
rabbits, if there's nothing better on hand.  I think we shall have the
house pretty full when the girls come back.  Amongst other people, Hugh
is asking a new crony of his, some scientific fellow whom he raves
about.'

'I never heard him rave about anybody or anything!' I remarked.

'It is raving for him, when he tells you that his chum is thought no
end of by different celebrities, and that he considers it an honour to
have him under our unworthy roof--or words to that effect.  Mother will
be delighted to have him, as he is unmarried, and has a big estate
somewhere.'

'Have you heard from Nelly?' I asked, changing the subject, as I did
not like his sneering tone.

'Had a letter from her yesterday; she and Constance are going at it
night and day.  I say, Goody, how much longer are you going to stay
here?  Couldn't you tell the aunt you have had enough of it, and come
back?  It is too slow for anything just now.  I promise you some nice
little treats if you come.  We will go up the river--you and I--and we
shall have it all our own way, for there will be nobody to interfere
with us.'

'I have promised to stay here till Mrs. Forsyth comes back,' I said.

'Oh, bother your promise!  Say you found it too slow, and couldn't
stand it any longer.'

'But I don't find it slow,' I said, looking at him full in the face.
'I think I like Miss Rayner's society better than yours.'

Kenneth looked quite taken aback at first, and then we both laughed
together.

'It's true,' I persisted.

'I don't believe it; I shall give you a dose of my society to-day, for
I shall stay on to dinner here.  What shall we do this afternoon?'

'Miss Rayner does not expect you to stay on,' I said, 'for she wished
you good-bye before she went out just now.'

'I know she did, but I intend to stay, all the same.'

And this he did, telling Miss Rayner when she came in that there was no
dinner at home, Hugh was in town, and he was sure she would offer him
further hospitality.

Kenneth could be very amusing when he liked, and he certainly brought a
fresh element into our quiet life.  He asked me to play on my violin
after dinner, and when I had finished he turned to Miss Rayner and
said, 'That is Goody's strong forte--that instrument of hers.  She
could charm a man's soul away by some of her strains!'  And then he
took his leave.

There was silence between us for some time after his departure.  I
thought Miss Rayner was reading, and though I was professedly doing the
same, my thoughts kept wandering off to Captain Gates.  I wondered if I
was responsible for his going back to his old reckless life.  He had
told me once what a snare gambling had been to him, and how much he
wanted to give it up.  This visit to Monte Carlo would plunge him into
the midst of it again.

I was startled out of my reverie by Miss Rayner's voice saying, 'What
pictures are you seeing in the fire, child?'

I looked up.  'I was only thinking,' I said.

'So I suppose.  Who is this Captain Gates that Kenneth mentioned?'

I coloured.  How often she seemed to read my thoughts!  'A friend of
Kenneth who often comes to stay with the Forsyths.'

'And what has he to do with you, or you with him?'

I hesitated, then said in a low voice, 'He wanted me to marry him, and
I couldn't!'

'Why not?'

'I--I didn't care enough for him, and we should not have suited each
other.  He leads a very gay life.'

'But I suppose he vowed he would give all that up?'

'Yes, he did; but I don't think he would have done so.'

And then, encouraged by a softening in her tone and manner, I told Miss
Rayner all, asking her at the end if she did not think I had acted
rightly.

'Quite right,' she said emphatically; 'but be thankful you were not
head over ears in love with him, for your decision would have cost you
something then.'

She spoke with such intense feeling that I could not help thinking
there must be something behind her words, especially when she continued
in low, earnest tones: 'Better go through life lonely and single, than
tie yourself to a man whose aim and object in life is directly contrary
to yours.  There can be only misery for both if you act otherwise.  And
cut the connection at once for his sake, more than for your own.  It is
only prolonging the agony.'

I did not speak, and then, with a short laugh, Miss Rayner seemed to
recover herself.  'What am I saying?  Perhaps some day I may tell you a
chapter in my life, child--but not now.  You have not had to go through
such a sharp ordeal as I have.  I am afraid there is nothing for it but
a curate for you.  Holding your present views, you would find no
pleasure in a man of the world.'

'Surely every one is not bound to have a husband?' I said, half
laughing, half vexed with her light, mocking tone.

'I should say you were sure to have one,' she retorted; 'perhaps your
views will melt away when you come across some one that you really
fancy.'

I shook my head, but dropped the subject, wondering, with a girlish
curiosity, what Miss Rayner's life story was.




CHAPTER X

LONG AGO

  'Ah! changeless through the changing vein
  The ghostly whisper rings between
  The dark refrain of "might have been."'


Circumstances helped to bring about the recital of that story sooner
than I had expected.  About ten days later, I started out one afternoon
with Miss Rayner for a ride.  I was not on the chestnut mare this time,
but on Rawdon, Miss Rayner's special favourite, and the one she always
rode herself.  It was a mark of great favour her allowing me to try him.

It was a pleasant day for a ride, and when we got up on a bit of the
moor it delighted me.  Suddenly, without any warning, a pack of hounds
dashed by, followed closely by the huntsmen.  'Pull your horse in,
child!' Miss Rayner exclaimed excitedly; 'he is an old hunter.'

It was easy to say, but quite impossible, I found, to act upon.  Rawdon
threw up his head, his nostrils quivering with excitement, and then
bolted, and I found myself utterly powerless to check his course.

'Keep your seat, and give him his head,' were the words I heard from
Miss Rayner as I rapidly left her in the distance.

'And keep cool,' I said to myself, knowing I should require all my
nerve.  In a few minutes I was in the midst of the hunt, to my great
perplexity, and, passing most of the riders, Rawdon galloped on to the
front.  It had been a fortunate thing for me that the bit of moor we
were on was on the level; but now I saw, to my consternation, the
hounds were making for some fields adjoining, and Rawdon was carrying
me straight towards a five-barred gate.  I had practised leaps in a
riding-school, but never since, and my heart sank within me.  I put up
a quick prayer as we reached it; Rawdon took it without the slightest
difficulty, and to my surprise I found myself still on his back.

'It will be the finish at that next copse, I expect,' a gentleman
called out excitedly, as his horse vainly tried to keep up with mine.
'Look out for that hedge in front,' he added; 'it's a nasty leap--there
is a wide ditch the other side.'

What could I say or do?  He evidently did not see that my horse had
obtained complete mastery of me.  I set my teeth, and drew my breath as
we approached it.  Was I going to be carried over this in safety?

A moment later, and, giddy and confused, I found myself not only over,
but brought to a dead stop by Rawdon, who, quivering all over with
excitement, had brought me right to the finish; only three other
gentlemen were there besides the master of the hounds.  I felt in an
extremely awkward position.  One of them, Sir Charles Courtenay, I
slightly knew, as he was a great friend of General Forsyth.  When he
recognised me, he came forward at once.

'Miss Thorn, I congratulate you.  This is the first meet of the season,
and we have had the most splendid run, though a long one.  Have you
ever received a brush before?'

'It is all a mistake my being here,' I said with a little laugh, as I
realized the humorous side of the situation.  'I am not one of your
number; I was taking a quiet ride on the moor with a friend, when my
horse, an old hunter, bolted with me, and has carried me here over
every obstacle, in spite of my wishes.'

'It is a good horse, but a good rider too,' said the old gentleman.
'Very few ladies would have taken that last leap.  Let me introduce the
master of the hounds to you.'

The introduction took place, and, in spite of my protestations, the
brush was presented, and then, one by one, other riders came upon the
scene.  It was a great relief to me when, turning my horse round, I
came face to face with Kenneth.

'Goody Two-Shoes!  What on earth are you doing here?  Was it you, then,
that took the lead so?  We couldn't imagine what lady it was!  I think
I must be dreaming.'  And Kenneth really looked as if he could not
believe his eyes.

I explained it all hastily, adding, 'Do ride back with me away from all
these people to meet Miss Rayner.  She will be anxious about me.'

But Kenneth only shook his head with mock solemnity.  'Oh!  Goody,
Goody, I'm afraid you are a sad humbug!  You won't make everybody
believe that patched-up story.  You didn't bargain for meeting me here.
No wonder you don't want to come back to us just yet!  I must write and
tell the girls you are enjoying yourself in the hunting-field.  Do you
know that it is one of the governor's fads that girls are out of place
in a hunt?  Nell has always been refused permission to come with me.
It will be amusing when this gets to the governor's ears!  Coming off
by yourself on the sly, and getting the brush!'

And Kenneth gave a delighted chuckle at the end of his speech.

I rode straight away from him without a word, feeling ready to cry with
vexation.  Then, to my great delight, Miss Rayner rode up.  Her eyes
were twinkling with suppressed mirth.

'My dear girl, I am afraid Rawdon has given you a fright.  I watched
you over the gate and hedge; you took them well.  I almost wished to be
in your place, though my hunting days are over.  I am proud of Rawdon!'

'I want to get away, Miss Rayner,' I said imploringly.

She looked at me, and was about to speak, when a gentleman rode up to
her.  'Miss Rayner, I haven't seen you for years.  I am glad to meet
you in the field again.'

'Like this young lady who is staying with me, I have come into it
accidentally.  We were out riding, when her horse bolted with her, and
I have only just come upon the scene.  I have given up hunting for many
years now.  Let me introduce you, Miss Thorn; this is Colonel Hawkes,
an old friend.'

For some minutes he and Miss Rayner carried on an animated conversation
with one another.  They seemed to have known each other in the past
very intimately.

Presently Miss Rayner asked,--

'And where are you staying now?'

He hesitated; then said, slowly, 'With Ratcliffe--Charlie Ratcliffe.
You remember him?'

Miss Rayner turned white to her lips; then said, in a cold, hard voice,
'I thought he was in the wilds of Africa?'

'He returned the end of last year.  He finished the piece of work out
there so satisfactorily for the Government that they want to send him
out to another part, but he has refused.  He says he wants to settle
down quietly now, and has just bought a house somewhere in Surrey.  He
is a good fellow, but odd, you know.  Since his return he has been
slumming in the East End of London like a parson.  I am staying with
him at his chambers in town.  We are such very old chums that I put up
with his religious crotchets.  He doesn't force them down one's throat,
that's one comfort, and, I'm bound to admit, he lives them out.'

Miss Rayner changed the subject, and a few minutes after we rode away,
very silent both of us, and we hardly exchanged a word till we reached
home.  All the evening Miss Rayner was very subdued and unlike herself.
Susan had very truly described her to me as 'a fresh breeze coming in
and out.'  From the minute she set foot in a place, you were conscious
of her cheery presence.  Sometimes whistling to her dogs, chatting
briskly to any in her path, and always full of energy and spirit; but
now she sat with a dreamy, absent look in her eyes, and started if I
addressed her on any topic.  Later in the evening, as we sat over the
drawing-room fire with our books, she suddenly looked up and said,
'Play to me, child; I am out of sorts.  Colonel Hawkes brought up old
scenes and memories which are best forgotten.  Your music has always a
soothing effect on me.'

I took my violin up, and leaning against the mantle-piece opposite to
her, I began to play in the firelight.  I played, as I loved to play,
without notes before me, and soon I was in a dream myself.  My
favourite verse running through my head, I sought to bring it out of my
violin, and as the last note died away I became conscious that Miss
Rayner's eyes were glistening with tears.  Knowing how utterly devoid
of sentiment she generally seemed, I was the more surprised, only, of
course, did not let her see I had noticed it.

'You have never played that before,' she said brusquely, as she
recovered her composure.

'And I don't know that I could play it again,' I said.  'I never get it
just the same.  I was trying to bring out a thought that I am very fond
of.'

'And what thought is that?'

'Do you know a verse like this?

  "These surface troubles come and go,
    Like rufflings of the sea;
  The deeper depth is out of reach
    To all, my God, but Thee."

There are two words in Jeremiah that I try and take for my life's
motto: "Dwell deep."  I love to bring it out of my violin.'

Miss Rayner smiled.  'I should not have thought there had been much
occasion in your life at present for you to put those words into
practice.'

I was silent.  No doubt my small troubles seemed very insignificant to
her who had perhaps seen and gone through far heavier ones herself.

After a little, she said thoughtfully, as she gazed into the glowing
coals before her, 'One sometimes wonders, if certain passages in our
lives were given us again, whether we would act differently; but I am
inclined to think as a rule we should not.'  Then, turning to me
abruptly, she said, 'Would you like to hear why I have never married?
I am not ashamed of anything--there is no need why you should not
know--only I do not care to discuss bygone tales too often; so I shall
not expect you to refer to it again.  I was engaged to Charles
Ratcliffe for six years.  He, Colonel Hawkes, and I were always
together; we hunted, danced, and amused ourselves as the rest of the
world.  Charlie--Mr. Ratcliffe--was then a struggling young barrister,
and we waited for more prosperous times.  About a year before we were
to have been married, he'--she paused and gave a hard little laugh,
'well--he got "converted," as you would express it.  I tried to laugh
him out of it at first, but it was of no use; he gradually withdrew
from amusements, and tried to make me do the same.  We pulled together
a little while longer, and then I saw it wouldn't do, and I told him
so.  "How can two walk together, except they be agreed?"  There is no
truer verse than that in the Bible.  And so we parted, and I have never
seen him from that day to this.'

'I am so sorry!' I murmured, as she paused as abruptly as she commenced.

'Oh, I am not an object of pity, I assure you!' she said, laughing: 'it
was odd running up against Colonel Hawkes to-day.  Did you see Kenneth
there, too?  I fancied I saw him in the distance.'

'Yes,' I said, seeing she wished to turn to other subjects; 'I am
afraid he will never let me forget it.  I wish he were not such a
tease.  He would misunderstand me, or pretend to do so.  I shall not
hear the last of it for a long time, I know.'

Miss Rayner laughed.  'I suppose he could not understand seeing you
acting such a different rôle from your usual one.  Never mind, child.
Words do not break bones.  Let him have the enjoyment of it.  Perhaps
this afternoon's exploit may have given you a taste for the
hunting-field?  Is it so?'

I shook my head.  'No, I don't think I shall want to mount Rawdon again
while I am here.  I could never trust him.'

That night I could not sleep, or get Miss Rayner's story out of my
head.  She only gave me the bare facts, but I could supply much that
was not told.  I could see that all her likes and dislikes were strong
ones.  Her affection for him had been no light girlish fancy, but had
deepened, I could not help thinking, since separation.  I wondered if
he still thought of her, and whether the blank had been as great in his
life as in hers.  But then I remembered that he had what she had not--a
satisfied soul and an unseen personal Friend.  I felt a great pity for
her.  I knew from what I had heard from others that she had withdrawn
herself from society for many years, and rightly conjectured that when
the one she really cared about was no longer to be met there, it failed
to satisfy or amuse her.  And I longed that even yet she might find the
same Saviour as he had, and become satisfied in the same way.
Earnestly did I pray that she might be led to seek for this, and that
if it was God's will that earthly happiness should be denied her, she
still might be filled with the joy and peace 'which passes
understanding' from above.




CHAPTER XI

A DIFFERENT ATMOSPHERE

  'And I should fear, but lo! amid the press,
  The whirl and hum and pressure of my day,
  I hear Thy garments sweep, Thy seamless dress,
  And close beside my work and weariness
  Discern Thy gracious form, not far away,
  But very near, O Lord, to help and bless.'--_Susan Coolidge._


My visit to Miss Rayner now drew to a close.  I was really sorry to
leave her, and I think she was sorry to part with me.  It was a strange
friendship between us.  She was far beyond me in knowledge of the world
and in intellect, and yet I know she said things to me that she would
not say to any one else.  She would laugh at me, tease me, and never
spare my blushes of embarrassment and discomfiture; but as she was
wishing me good-bye the last afternoon, she put both her hands on my
shoulders and stood looking down upon me with a strange softening of
face and manner.  'I have liked having you here, child; I knew I should
from the first moment I saw you, and I shall miss you after you have
gone.  But I do not mean to lose sight of you, and when you want
advice,--or shall I say comfort?--come over and take advantage of my
quiet resting-place here to soothe and solace yourself.  It is strange
advice to give you, but though I may have chaffed you about your
religious views, keep a firm grip of them, and go on your own way
straight-forward, without bending or relaxing in the slightest.  I
believe you have got hold of the real thing, and if you have, I should
think it was worth keeping.'

Tears were in my eyes, and I laid my hand on her arm.  'I am praying
that you may find it too, Miss Rayner--or rather Him, for it is Christ
Himself that fills my life.'

She stooped and kissed me, but did not say another word, only there was
a wistful look in her eyes that haunted me for long afterwards.  Old
John had his say, too, when parting with me at the station: 'I hope you
have h'enjoyed your visit, miss, and have had an h'edifying time; the
mistress wants some one of her h'own sex to talk to h'on h'occasions,
though, h'as I h'often say, she can hold her h'equal with h'any man if
she chooses.  H'and h'if I make bold to say so, h'if you want a mount
h'at h'any time, Rawdon shall be h'at your disposal; you did him credit
the h'other day with the hounds, h'and I shall never raise h'any
h'objection to h'allowing you to ride him!'

It was certainly a different kind of life to which I returned.  The
house was full of visitors, and all chance of quiet seemed gone.  I
think Violet and Nelly were genuinely glad to see me.  Kenneth, of
course, did not spare me; he coloured the story so of the way I had
joined the hounds, as to make General Forsyth quite vexed, and Mrs.
Forsyth did not seem to believe my true version of it.

'Why do you love to make people uncomfortable if you can?' I said in
desperation to him, after he had been chaffing me unmercifully on the
same subject before a lot of people in the drawing-room one afternoon.

'Because it is my nature to, I suppose,' he retorted.  'I don't think
anything would make you uncomfortable, Goody!  You go serenely on your
way, wrapped in a cloak of supreme self-content and satisfaction.
Except for bringing a little extra pink colour into your cheeks, which
I like to see, no words of mine can ever stir you.'

'I have feelings,' I said, 'though I do try not to show them.  I am not
a piece of stone.  And if I did show them, you would be the first to
blame me for it.'

'I dare say I should, for it would be highly inconsistent with the
profession that you make to lose your temper like ordinary mortals.'

'So that I cannot act rightly in any case in your eyes,' I said, half
laughing, half vexed.  'I am just good as a kind of target that you can
fire off volleys of ridicule at: if I resent it, it will be showing
anger; if I bear it, it will be because I am "wrapped in a cloak of
supreme self-content and satisfaction."'

'Upon my word, Goody, I think you are showing too much feeling now,'
was the laughing rejoinder; 'I think I must make myself scarce till you
are calmer.'  And he walked away and left me.  He was the only one of
the Forsyths that I did not quite understand.  No one said unkinder
things to my face than he did, and yet behind my back I knew that many
a time he had made things smoother for me with his parents.  He laughed
and scoffed openly at the weaknesses and insincerity of society, yet
mingled freely in it, and was a favourite wherever he went.  I felt no
eye in the household was so keen as his on my words and actions; he was
always wanting me to do things for him and go to places with him; yet
when I was with him he would be unsparing in his scoffing remarks on
any subject that would touch me most deeply.  I found it best to take
all he said as quietly as possible, only now and then protesting, as I
had done upon this afternoon.

Hugh's friend, a Mr. Stanton, arrived a week after my return.  He was
rather a grave-looking man, tall and broad-shouldered, with dark eyes
which seemed quick to take in every one and everything, and yet which
had a kindly gleam in them.

We did not see much of him, for Hugh and he spent most of their days in
the study together; but he proved very entertaining in the evening, for
he had travelled a great deal and could talk well, and somehow or other
would raise the conversation to a higher level than usual.  General
Forsyth would discuss questions of the day with him, with a keener
interest than was his custom with a younger man; and Nelly came
gushingly to confide in me the first night of his arrival: 'I like him
awfully, Hilda!  He is so different to most of Hugh's friends.  They
seem so hard and cynical, and have such a contempt for women, I always
fancy.  Mr. Stanton takes as much trouble to talk to me as he does to
father, and he is awfully good-looking!'

One evening, soon after he arrived, General and Mrs. Forsyth and
Constance wore dining out.  A Miss Willoughby and her brother were
staying in the house; they were cousins of the Forsyths, and had
returned from London with them, but I had always kept away from them,
as Miss Willoughby's manner and ways grated on me.  She seemed utterly
devoid of all religion, and was always ready to scoff and jeer at
serious subjects.  She was a clever woman of the world, and looked upon
me as a mere child.

As we were in the drawing-room together, before the gentlemen joined us
after dinner, she called to me from her seat by the fire, 'Come here,
you little piece of innocence, I want to talk to you; why do you always
creep into a remote corner of the room away from everybody?  Is it
modesty, or misanthropy, that drives you from your fellow-creatures?'

'Neither,' I said, as I slowly moved towards the fireplace and took a
seat near her.  'Nelly was entertaining you, so you did not require me.'

'But I do want you.  I think you could be far more entertaining than
Nelly here, because you have taken up an original rôle, and I like
originality.'

I made no reply.  There was a mischievous light in her eyes which
warned me she meant to enjoy herself at my expense.

She lay back in her chair, put up her pince-nez, and regarded me for
some minutes in silence.  Then she gave a mock sigh.

'I don't see the halo, Nelly; it ought to be there--round her head, you
know.  I hope she isn't a sham saint!'

'You shall not tease her,' Nelly said warmly; 'she gets quite enough of
that from Kenneth without your taking it up.'

'My dear child, I have no intention of teasing her.  I would not
presume to do so on such short acquaintance.  Beyond "Good-night" and
"Good-morning," I don't believe Miss Thorn and I have exchanged half a
dozen words.  We are going to converse agreeably together now, if you
will allow us.'

'I don't think we shall find that we have much in common, Miss
Willoughby,' I said, trying to speak pleasantly.

'I dare say not.  I am a wicked sinner according to your standard, and
you are a righteous saint; but may not sinners sometimes speak to
saints?  How else are they to be made better, "I want to know," as the
Americans say?  Do you attend chapel, Miss Thorn?'

'No,' I answered a little shortly.

'I went into a chapel once,' she pursued, looking gravely at me, 'and
there was a revival going on, I was told.  That is what led me in
there--I wanted to see a revival!  After the sermon was over, an old
white-haired man came stumbling into the seat where I was, and sat down
beside me.  "Young pusson," he said, "do you want to be convarted?"
"What does it feel like?" I asked.  He rose up, and stood swelling out
his waistcoat visibly.  "It feels as if earth can't contain yer at
times, and 'even's only big enough for yer."  "Thank you," I said; "I
shouldn't care to feel that size.  Earth is big enough for me at
present," and I walked out.'

A burst of laughter from behind announced that the gentlemen had
entered the room.  Kenneth came up to us, and planted himself on the
hearthrug in front of us.

'Are you treating Goody Two-Shoes to one of your stories?' he asked.

'We are having a very serious conversation,' said Miss Willoughby, in
her clear, loud voice, 'and do not wish to be interrupted.  Now, Miss
Thorn, is your experience like that of the old chapel saint?  I have
always heard that the godly were very big in their own estimation, but
never quite so big as that I How big do you feel?  Tell us.  I have a
fancy, if I were to try to attain to it, that it would be the old fable
of the toad and the ox again being enacted.  What is your opinion?'

'It is not a subject for jesting,' I said gravely; and I rose from my
seat to move away.  She laughingly caught hold of both my hands and
detained me.

'Now you are my prisoner, and I shall not let you escape till you have
answered a few questions.  I have been doing my best to become
acquainted with you, but you listen and reply in monosyllables, which
is most unsociable.  You leave me to do all the talking, and I want to
hear your side of the question.  Is she always so silent, Kenneth?'

'Silence marks her displeasure,' Kenneth replied, laughing.

'I don't like sulky natures,' Miss Willoughby went on provokingly,
without giving me time to speak.  'I don't think she is shy, and I have
said nothing to displease her.  My object has been to become friends
with her, but I'm afraid she thinks me too unworthy of her friendship.
Now, Miss Thorn,--what a baby face it is, to be sure!--look up and
speak.  You don't seem so glib on the subject as you ought to be.  What
is "conversion"?  Enlighten us.'

I looked up at my tormentor.  'You will find the best definition of it
in the dictionary, if you are anxious to know,' I said.

'That is evading my question.  I begin to think you have a good deal of
cowardice in your composition.  You are afraid to show your colours.
Now I am going to ask you a straightforward question, and I expect a
straightforward reply.  Are you converted?'

Hugh and Mr. Stanton at this juncture joined our group, and there was a
sudden lull in the conversation.  Miss Willoughby, without
relinquishing her hold of me, turned towards them with a face brimful
of fun.

'It's a case being tried,' she said to them.  'I am cross-examining a
witness.'

'A prisoner, I should say,' observed Hugh drily.

'I shall not run away, Miss Willoughby,' I said, trying to speak
amicably.

She dropped my hands at once, and I hoped the subject would be changed;
but such was not her intention.

'I am waiting for your answer,' she pursued.  'Are you converted?'

I held my head erect and looked her straight in the face.  'Yes, I am.'

'Good!  When were you converted?  No hesitation.  You are bound in
honour not to run away from me, and I have several more questions yet
to ask.'

'About six months ago in London,'  My tone was grave.  I did not know
how this was going to end.

'Describe the process.'

'That I refuse to do, Miss Willoughby.'

'Then I shall not believe in you, for I expect you can't do it.  And it
is a selfish, unkind spirit to refuse to enlighten an inquirer.  My old
chapel friend was far kinder.  You good people say conversion is a
blessing; yet, when I want to know how to get it, you refuse to assist
me.'

'If you want to know the way, the Bible will show you,' I said in a low
voice.

'The Bible!  I heard a clergyman say once that the Bible did not teach
conversion!'

'But our Lord did.  "Except ye be converted, and become as little
children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven."'

It was Mr. Stanton who spoke, and every one looked up astonished.

'Do you know all about these things, Mr. Stanton?' questioned Miss
Willoughby, as she looked at him curiously.

'I am glad to say I do,' he replied, 'and shall be pleased at any time
to have a quiet talk with you about them.'

She shrugged her shoulders with a comic look of dismay at Kenneth.  'He
looks as if he could be aggressive--it's a revelation to me; I cannot
get over it!  Let us have some music to refresh us after such topics!'

She moved across to the piano, and left me in peace for the remainder
of the evening.




CHAPTER XII

A TEST

  'As woods, when shaken by the breeze,
    Take deeper, firmer root;
  As winter's frosts but make the trees
    Abound in summer fruit;
  So every bitter pang and throe
    That Christian firmness tries,
  But nerves us for our work below,
    And forms us for the skies.'--_Henry Francis Lyte._


It was not to be wondered at that my thoughts dwelt much upon Mr.
Stanton for the next few days.  It was so strange to feel that there
was another now in the house who was a follower of Christ, and I
wondered if he would have a good influence over Hugh.

One afternoon I was coming back from the village, where I had been to
give Jim his reading lesson, when Mr. Stanton overtook me, and we
walked home together.  I had never as yet seen him alone, and felt a
little shy of him; but he soon made me feel at ease by his ready
sympathy, and I found myself telling him of my different interests in
the village.  And then he presently said, 'Do you find your life
difficult at times in such surroundings?'

'Sometimes I do,' I responded, 'but never too difficult.'

'No,' he said; 'we are never placed in circumstances where it is
impossible to serve our Master.  I sometimes wish a little more of the
martial spirit could be instilled into many Christians.  A true soldier
does not shirk or shrink from the front in battle, but a Christian is
very apt to hide his colours if he gets upon the enemy's ground.'

'It is a puzzle to me sometimes,' I said, 'when it is best to keep
silent and when to speak.  One's life ought to tell most amongst
unconverted people, and yet that tempts one sometimes to hide one's
light.  It is easy to go on one's way quietly without saying a word to
any one, but perhaps it is not being faithful.  What do you think about
it, Mr. Stanton?'

'I think,' he said, 'if we are living close to the Master, He will
never leave us in doubt as to when the opportunity for speaking occurs.
If we are ready and waiting on Him, we shall be led to do the right
thing.  Many good people do more harm than good by making up their
minds that they are bound to deliver a message, whether the occasion
warrants it or not.  And then it is often done in their own strength,
and not in the power of the Spirit.  I think the answer to all such
difficulties is: Live close to Christ, and let Him give you your
orders--no one else.  The longer I live, the more strongly I feel how
useless it is to go by other Christians' experiences.  God leads us all
in different ways.  Let us strive to learn the sound of His slightest
whisper, and take His Word only as our guide.  We cannot go wrong then.'

We talked on till we reached home.  I could not help feeling the
comfort of having some one to speak to on the subjects that were so
dear to me.  I had had so few to help or advise me, and though I knew
the truth of what Mr. Stanton said, that we could not frame our lives
by others' experiences, yet, as a young Christian, I felt refreshed and
strengthened by his words.  When I said something of this sort to him,
he smiled.

'You have not suffered by the loneliness of your position, Miss Thorn;
it has only brought you to know Christ more intimately, and to lean
upon Him harder.  I have seen a good deal of young Christians pinning
their faith to a human being: in some cases a friend who has been the
means of their conversion, or a favourite preacher.  It is natural, but
Satan often uses it as a snare.  The Master is not appealed to so often
as the friend.  He sinks into the background, and when the friend is
removed they feel utterly stranded, and in some cases fall back in
their Christian life.'

When we reached the house, we found every one in the drawing-room at
tea.  Miss Willoughby was in high spirits.  She was organizing some
tableaux that the Forsyths were trying to get up, and was pressing
every one into her service.

'Now, Hilda Thorn,' she said laughingly, as I entered the room, 'I am
going to ask you a great favour.  Don't purse up that little mouth of
yours in anticipation.  It is nothing sinful, upon my honour it is not.'

'You shall not torment her till she has had a cup of tea,' said Nelly
good-naturedly.  'Come and sit down by me, Hilda.'

'Will you give her plenty of sugar then, please, Mrs. Forsyth?' Miss
Willoughby pursued; 'I want her temper sweetened.'

'I don't think she possesses a temper,' put in Kenneth.  'I know for a
fact that I often lose mine in trying to make her lose hers!'

'If she never loses it, she must have it in her possession,' said Miss
Willoughby drily; and every one laughed.

'What is it you want?' I asked a few moments after, having disposed of
my tea.

'Just at present we want a little soothing.  There is an east wind
to-day, and not being a piece of perfection like yourself, I feel on
edge!  I have not been treated well.  I had my eye on Mr. Stanton for
King Arthur, and Hugh tells me they are dining in town on the 6th,
which is the date we have fixed.  I suspect they have arranged it
between them.  Then Constance and I want to pose for the same
character; she thinks she is better suited to it than I, and she likes
her own way.  I think the contrary, and I like mine.  And the fact is
that I've been told that you are a great violinist--"Music hath power
to soothe the savage breast."  Will you do us the favour of playing to
us now?  We shall feel more peaceably disposed towards each other
afterwards, I know.'

I willingly complied, and played one thing after another.  When I put
down my violin, I saw Miss Willoughby give an approving nod towards
Mrs. Forsyth, and then she said, 'Thank you--that is a great treat.
Now I feel at peace with all mankind; do you?'

'I think I generally do,' I replied.

'Well, now, what I want to ask you is this,--and I am sure you will not
be so ill-natured as to refuse,--would you mind playing a little like
that just behind a screen for us?  You won't be seen at all, and no one
will know who it is.  Nelly says you have scruples about taking part in
tableaux; but of course this could not be an objection.'

Miss Willoughby dropped the half-mocking tone in which she usually
addressed me, and for an instant I felt I could not refuse.  Nelly saw
my hesitation, and took advantage of it.  'Do say "Yes," Hilda; we want
a violin, and Violet does play so atrociously; there is no one about
here that can do it as well as you.  It will only be for about ten
minutes.'

'Why do you want it?' I asked.

'I will tell you,' said Kenneth; 'we are to have some moving tableaux,
illustrating certain pithy sayings.  Miss Willoughby has mentioned the
one we want you for,--"Music hath charms," etc.  I think I am to pose
as one of the villains.  We are divided as to whether it is to be a
duel or a cold-blooded murder; but I know my part is to transform my
face from that in which diabolical hatred and fiendish rage is
depicted, into a gradual state of simpering, smiling imbecility, and I
think the curtain will fall upon me and my rival locked in each other's
arms, shedding maudlin tears of love into our respective shirt-fronts!'

'The moral is so awfully good,' urged Nelly; 'do be obliging just this
once, Hilda.'

'Of course she is going to do it,' said Miss Willoughby.

'I will give you an answer to-morrow,' I said slowly, and taking up my
hat and cloak I left the room.

It was hard sometimes to keep clear of the gaiety around me, and this
was one of the cases in which I much wished for advice.  I felt
inclined to appeal to Mr. Stanton; he had stood a little apart from the
others talking to General Forsyth, but I felt sure that he had been
within earshot of the whole conversation.  Yet his words that afternoon
came back to me.  I must get my orders from my Master, and not from
him.  And, as so often before, I went down on my knees in my room, and
with my Bible before me sought the advice I needed.

I felt, when I at length rose, that I was best out of it altogether.  I
knew my wish to oblige them and show them that I had no ill-feeling
about it might land me into further difficulties.  It would be the thin
end of the wedge.  And though I dreaded the scoffing remarks of Miss
Willoughby, and knew she would be really put out by my refusal, my mind
was quite made up, and meeting her on the stairs going down to dinner
two hours later, I told her I could not do it.

She only laughed at me.  'Nonsense, child! you will think better of it;
don't be in such a hurry to refuse.'  Then, drawing my arm within hers,
she went on in a coaxing tone as we descended the stairs together: 'I
have taken a liking to you, Hilda, for I feel you have a true ring
about you.  I am afraid I am a dreadful tease, but I tell you honestly
I admire and respect your religious views.  Much better be one thing or
the other--and there is no uncertain sound about you.  But don't you
think it a pity in the present instance if, in your mistaken zeal, you
would lose the opportunity of rendering us a little service, and so
commending your religion practically to us?  I was talking to a
gentleman the other day who said, "What I object to so much in these
so-called good people is their extreme selfishness and indifference to
the likes and dislikes of those with whom they live; good nature and
the ordinary common little courtesies of life seem altogether lacking
in their composition."  This isn't much we are asking of you, and I
don't think you will refuse.  Five minutes only we want from you.  You
needn't be present at the tableaux at all; people will think it is some
hired musician in the background, and you can escape to your room
immediately afterwards.  If you refuse, do you think it will bring
credit on your religion?  It's the only favour I have ever asked of
you, and it is such a little kindness to do.'

It was hard, in the face of this, to adhere to my resolve.  If I had
not come straight from prayer, I don't believe I could have withstood
her.

'I am afraid you will think me very disagreeable,' I said as gently as
I could; 'but I have thought over it, and have made up my mind that it
is best for me not to take part in the tableaux at all.  I think with a
little practice Violet will do what you require.'

Miss Willoughby's face was not a pleasant one to see when she saw I
really was in earnest.  She dropped my arm at once, and seeing Kenneth
hovering about in the hall she went up to him, 'Take me out into the
balcony; I want a change of atmosphere.  Your converted people are all
alike.  A nasty, spiteful, ill-natured set of canting hypocrites!'

'It's war to the knife between you two now,' whispered Kenneth to me as
we went in to dinner; 'and I warn you she will give you no quarter.
She is not accustomed to have her plans thwarted.  You had better give
in!'

I wondered why Miss Willoughby should have set her heart so upon my
helping them; but that night, when I went to bed, I was enlightened.

Miss Graham tapped at my door, and asked if she might come in for a few
minutes.  She very often had a firelight talk with me at bedtime.  I
was not feeling inclined for it now, for Miss Willoughby, though
purposely ignoring me in the drawing-room after dinner, had been lavish
with her biting sarcasm on Christianity and some of its followers.

Mr. Stanton had instantly come forward, upon hearing some of her
remarks, and in the discussion that followed she had been decidedly
worsted.  Mr. Stanton was not a man to be trifled with, and he told her
some very plain truths.  From getting excited, she finally lost her
temper, and the evening had ended unpleasantly for us all.  I felt I
had been the innocent cause of it, and was too much perturbed in spirit
to relish a long chat with Miss Graham.

She surprised me by alluding at once to the subject of my thoughts.
'Have you consented to play for them at the tableaux?'

'No,' I said a little wearily as I sat down, and drew a chair forward
for her.  'I have told Miss Willoughby I cannot do it.'

'Is that your final decision?  Does she know it is?'

'Yes, and she is very vexed about it.'

'Of course she is.  My dear Hilda, I am glad.  I think I must tell you
now about it.  She is a clever woman, but not a good one.  Do you know
that it has been a regular trap for you?  Governesses are not supposed
to have ears--and yesterday I was giving Violet a music lesson, when
she and Mr. Kenneth and Miss Forsyth came in.  They went over to the
window seat, and there began talking over these tableaux.  They did not
lower their voices, and she made a bet with Mr. Kenneth that she would
make you take part in them.  He laughed at her, but she said she was in
earnest, and then when he had left the room she propounded her plan to
Constance.  If you had agreed to play for them,--which she said she was
pretty sure she would make you do,--she was going to arrange that just
before the curtain fell the screen should be suddenly shifted from in
front of you, and you would then be in full view of the audience.  You
were, in fact, to personify the girl for whom the two rivals were
fighting.'

'But,' I said, quite bewildered, 'I should not have been dressed for
the occasion.  How could she imagine such a plan would succeed?'

'It was all to be arranged.  She said your cream silk would be just the
thing, and Mr. Forsyth was to tell you to wear it that night for
dinner.  I assure you Miss Willoughby was quite determined that she
should succeed.  I am very glad she has failed, for it would be a
shabby trick to play any one, and I was very vexed that it should be
played on you.'

I was silent.  Miss Graham's words were a revelation to me, and I
wondered what I had done to cause Miss Willoughby to act so.  And I
understood her anger at having had her plans so frustrated.  How
thankful I was that I had not yielded to her entreaties!  After a
pause, Miss Graham said, 'You must have a wonderful grip of unseen
things, Hilda, to live your life here so cheerily and brightly, when
you have such constant difficulties and disagreeables arising between
you and the girls.'

I looked up at her.  'It is a happy life, Miss Graham, and no
circumstances can ever make it otherwise.'

She leant forward in the firelight, and, taking one of my hands in
hers, said rather brokenly, with tears glistening in her eyes,--

'I have wanted to tell you--I must to-night; I think it will cheer you
to know that I have found what you have.  Do you remember those few
words you said to me in the wood soon after you first came?  I could
never forget them.  And I was troubled for long afterwards.  But I see
it all so differently now; salvation is not to be earned, as you said
to me, but to be received.  And I think when one receives salvation,
one receives the Giver with it.  I know I have found it so--it does
indeed make life different.'

'Oh, Miss Graham, I am so glad!' I said, and, unable to check myself, I
burst into tears.  I think I was overwrought, and this coming on the
top of my other trouble, proved too much for me.

'How long have you--have you known this?' I asked, and in the fulness
of my heart I leant over and kissed her.

'I don't know,' she said with a smile; 'I have been seeking for it on
my knees and with my Bible night after night.  Sometimes I fancied I
had the assurance of it, and then it seemed to leave me.  I think when
you were at Miss Rayner's I seemed to doubt less and trust more.  And
now I don't think I have a doubt at all.  I am staking my assurance on
verses like John vi. 37.  It was seeing you live your life here that
showed me you must have the real thing, and made me long to have it
too.'

She left me soon after, and I sat on by my fire with silent thanks in
my heart for this news.  God had indeed been good to me, and I felt
especially grateful that I had been sent such comfort and cheer after a
rather trying evening.




CHAPTER XIII

TAKEN HOME

  'But I like to think of him passing,
  Like a clear early star,
  Into that quiet region . . .
  I like to think of his little feet
  Climbing the heavenly stair,
  Of his eyes in their wondering meekness
  Waking to glory there.'


The next morning I was out in the garden picking a few late
chrysanthemums, when Mr. Stanton passed by me.  He stopped for a moment.

'What answer have you given about the tableaux?' he asked, with a smile.

'I have declined to play,' I said.  'I told Miss Willoughby so
yesterday evening before dinner.'

He looked away thoughtfully into the distance, and then said quietly,
'That accounted for her vexation last night.  I wondered why she was so
bitter.  Poor girl! one feels sorry for a life like that.'  Then
looking at me rather intently, he asked, 'Is the violin consecrated to
God, Miss Thorn?'

'I don't know,' I stammered; 'I hope so, but I don't keep it for sacred
music only.  I play to them when they want me to.  Is that wrong?
Surely not!  And I love it so myself; it seems to raise my thoughts
heavenwards.  Do you think I ought to play nothing but hymns on it?'

He laughed.  'No, I do not; and if I did, you ought not to take my
words as a leading to you.  For myself, I believe that music is a gift
entrusted to us by our Father, and if we give innocent pleasure to
others by our talent we are not using it in vain.  Only I think you
were wise in keeping clear of the tableaux.  If you mingle in one
thing, you must in another, and a Christian has to walk very carefully
if he wishes to preserve unbroken communion with his God.'

He said no more, and left me.  As I came into our morning room a little
time after, I heard Miss Willoughby's animated voice,--

'I should like to clear them both out of the house.  He is the least
objectionable, as he can be entertaining when he chooses, but I can't
imagine why she should take up her abode here.  It is not a question of
charity.'  Here she noticed my entrance, but calmly went on talking to
Constance as if I were not there.  'Let her take herself off to some
nursing Sisterhood or slum work in the East of London.  I hate a
half-and-half kind of person.  If they are too good to live our life
and mingle in our society, let them take up a religious vocation,
instead of being a perpetual source of annoyance and aggravation to
those they are with.'

Constance gave a slight laugh, then changed the conversation.  I put my
flowers in water, then left the room without a word.  I found Kenneth's
words very true.  Miss Willoughby could not forgive me, and I was
constantly reminded of her dislike to my presence.  Constance sided
with her; she had never liked me, and Nelly, though now and then warm
in my defence, seemed to be a little afraid of disagreeing with her,
and rather kept out of my way when her cousin was near.  It was trying
to bear and her words now set me thinking, as I had sometimes thought
before.  Should I be wiser to leave the Forsyths, and go into work of
some sort that would be more congenial?  If my presence in the house
was a trial to them, why should I not relieve them of it?  And yet at
present I hardly saw the way plain before me.  'Dwell deep,' I said to
myself.  'Miss Willoughby will not be here always, and I have had the
cheer of Miss Graham.  I have much to be thankful for.'

It was indeed a comfort to me to be able to talk over things with Miss
Graham.  We began having a little Bible reading and prayer together at
night, and it refreshed and strengthened us both.  She seemed to have
taken such a firm hold of the truth, and to have such a freshness in
her enjoyment of her Bible, that it did me good to hear her talk.  Now
and then, too, I enjoyed a few words with Mr. Stanton, but not very
often.  He and Hugh were much up in town, and he was very busy writing
some scientific book in which Hugh was helping.  Once Hugh had asked me
to go in and play on my violin to them in the dusk before dinner; but
Mrs. Forsyth had told me afterwards she would rather I did not do it
again, and I took care not to repeat it.  I was left very much to
myself while the preparations for the tableaux were going on, and when
the night came I found that Mrs. Forsyth had no objection to my having
a schoolroom tea with Violet and Miss Graham, and so keeping out of the
way of it all.  Violet was allowed in to see them, but Miss Graham did
not care to go, and she and I spent a very pleasant evening together.
Miss Willoughby and her brother left a few days after; but up to the
last day she was unsparing in her comments and gibes on everything
serious.  She was ridiculing me on the morning of the day she left,
when we were gathered round the drawing-room fire just before luncheon.
I could not well make my escape, so bore it as quietly as I could; but
to my surprise Kenneth turned upon her.  'Now look here, Florence,' he
said, 'you have had it all your own way since Goody made you lose your
bet; don't you think you can part from her in peace?  She has stood
your fire well.  I like to see fair play, and I think you have had your
innings.  Upon my word, I give her a good dose on occasions, just to
keep her from getting too uppish and trying to ride it with a high hand
over us; but you beat me altogether!'

Miss Willoughby laughed a little scornfully, but she took the hint, and
when she said good-bye her better nature overcame her.

'Well, we will part as friends, Miss Thorn.  Your face is the best part
of you; your views are odious, but no doubt you mean well.  I bear no
malice; do you?'

'No,' I said, looking up at her gravely; 'but I do wish you understood
my motives better.'

She laughed and turned away, and so we parted.

I found everything easier after her departure.

One evening we were just going in to dinner, when one of the servants
came up to me.  'If you please, miss, a message has come from the
village that Jim Carter is ill, and wants to see you at once.'

I knew the boy had been poorly, for two days before I had found him in
bed with a bad sore throat, and we had had to postpone the reading
lesson.  His uncle said it was a cold, but I had thought then it was a
severe one.  I turned to ask Mrs. Forsyth if she would excuse my coming
in to dinner, but she would not hear of this.

'It is great impertinence to send up at our dinner hour with such a
request.  I cannot agree to your running down to the village as late as
this.  The boy must wait till to-morrow.'

'Oh, let me just run down after dinner, then!' I pleaded.  'I am afraid
he must really be very ill.'

'What is the matter with him?  If it is anything infectious, you must
not go near him.'

'I think it is a bad cold.'

'Come in to dinner at once.  We cannot keep every one waiting.'

I obeyed, but was very silent through the meal.  My thoughts were with
Jim, and I longed to be with him.  Hugh, who was sitting next me, asked
why I was so grave.  When I told him, he said, 'I am going out for a
smoke after dinner, so I will take you if you like.  The mother won't
have any objection then, I fancy.'

I thanked him, and Mrs. Forsyth giving her consent, an hour later we
left the house together.  As we were walking down the lane, Hugh said
abruptly, 'How do you like Stanton?'

'Very much,' I said; 'is he going to stay much longer?'

'I have just persuaded him to stay over Christmas.  He has no
belongings of his own, and I fancy finds his country house rather
dreary.'

'I wonder he doesn't marry.'

Hugh looked at me rather curiously, then said, 'He is too particular.
You good people are hard to please!'

'Have you known him long?'

'No, I was introduced to him last spring in town; but we have seen a
good bit of each other since.  He is one of the few I know who
reconcile science and religion together.  And I will acknowledge he has
made me change some of my opinions about those matters.  He is rather a
big man in the literary world.'

'I am always thankful when clever men are true Christians,' I said; 'so
many people think that the two can never co-exist.'

When we reached Jim's home, Hugh said he would wait outside for me.  I
found old Roger sitting by the boy's bed, with real trouble in his
face.  Jim himself lay back almost motionless, except for a slight
movement of his lips.  At the bottom of his small bed little Roddy was
perched, his round eyes looking full of interest and curiosity, and
Roddy's mother was bustling about, every now and then putting her apron
to her eyes.

I bent over Jim, and called him by name.  He opened his eyes, and
smiled feebly; then I caught the murmured words, 'Read me about the
city.'

'He's very ill,' whispered old Roger to me; 'an' we can't get no
doctor--but we've sent for 'un now.  I thought I could a doctored him
myself; but it's no good.  He's 'ad no food for four-and-twenty hours.'

'It's inflammation of the throat or windpipe, I think,' put in Roddy's
mother.  'I only knew he was so bad to-day, or I'd have been up sooner.'

The sick boy's eyes looked at me wistfully, and again I caught the
words, 'The city--I think I'm going there.'  I turned to my little
Bible, which I had brought with me, and read a few verses from the
seventh and two last chapters in Revelation.  His eyes brightened; he
repeated slowly and with great difficulty, 'Washed--made white in the
blood of the Lamb.'

'Yes,' I said gently, as I laid my hand on his fevered brow; 'and you
have been washed, have you not, Jim?'

He nodded; and here little Roddy burst forth eagerly, 'Is Jim goin' to
heaven?'

'We don't know,' I said; 'but he is quite ready to go if Jesus wants
him.'

'What time will he get there?' demanded Roddy.  'Will he get there
to-morrow day?'

His mother hushed him, and then old Roger asked me to pray with them,
which I did as simply as I could, for I saw Jim's eyes following my
every movement, and knew he was quite conscious.

'I think I will take Roddy home to bed, and step up again,' said Mrs.
Walters, 'if you're so good as to stay here with the old man, miss.
The doctor won't be long now, I'm thinkin'.'

Roddy stoutly resisted being taken away at first.

'I wants to see Jim go.  I wants to see the angels come for him!'

When he was finally pacified, and about to be led away, he trotted up
to Jim, and putting his rosy mouth against his cheek, said in a loud
whisper, 'I sends my love to Jesus, Jim.  Will you 'member?'

And when Jim smiled and nodded, he departed with his mother, looking
back with a shining face to say,--

'Good-bye, Jim.  You send me a post letter when you get to heaven, like
uncle does to mother!'

I sat on quietly for a little while, with Jim's hot hand clasped in
mine, repeating some verses to him, and then the doctor arrived, and
Hugh put his head in rather impatiently at the door.  Jim would not
leave go of my hand at first, but the doctor rather roughly put me
aside.

'Never bend over a sick person so,' he said to me; 'especially if it's
a case of a bad throat.'

I went to the door to Hugh.  'I am so sorry,' I said, 'but I promised
Mrs. Walters to stay till she returned, and I should like to hear what
the doctor says.  Would you mind waiting a short time longer?'

He grumbled a little, but allowed me ten minutes more.  The doctor did
not stay very long, and then he came to me with a grave face.  'There
is nothing to be done for him now,' he said; 'it is too late.  I don't
want to alarm you, but it is diphtheria.  If I had been called in
earlier, I might have saved him.  You had better not stay.  I doubt if
the poor lad will last through the night.  Is there any one besides
this old man?'

'A neighbour is coming back directly,' I answered, my heart sinking
within me at the tidings.  'You will just let me wish him good-bye?'

'If you have been with him much already it will not matter.  Not too
close to him, please.'

I stood at the bottom of the bed, and Jim's eyes at once sought mine
questioningly.

I tried to smile.  'I mustn't stay, Jim; you are in the arms of Jesus,
remember.  Good-bye.'

His lips moved, but I could catch no sound; only a faint smile crossed
his face, and I turned to the door to hide the tears already springing
to my eyes.  I had seen a great deal of Jim lately, and our reading
lessons had drawn us very close together.  He seemed to have grasped
the truth as a little child, and I had no fears about his being one of
the Lord's flock.  Mrs. Walters entered the house directly after I had
left Jim.  She was very concerned when she learnt what it was, and
anxious about Roddy, but promised to stay all night.  One word I had
with old Roger before I left.

'Ah!' he said, with a shake of his head, in response to the bit of
comfort I tried to give him; 'I might a known the boy would be taken.
He has been gettin' so fond of spellin' out of my big Bible lately, and
mostly his talk has been of heaven, and the beautiful city, as he calls
it.  Well, the Lord wants him, and I'm not the one to say naught
against the Lord's dealin's.  He's allays merciful, the Lord is, and
maybe my time will be comin' soon.'

When I joined Hugh outside I found Mr. Stanton with him.  He told me
Mrs. Forsyth was getting anxious at my long stay, and wished me to
return immediately.  He had volunteered to come down with the message.

I told them a little about Jim, but my heart was too full to say much,
and we walked home very silently.

Just as we were reaching the hall door, Hugh happened to ask what was
the matter with him, and when I told him, both he and Mr. Stanton
looked much concerned.

Mrs. Forsyth was really angry when she knew.

'I wish I had prevented your going altogether.  I can't conceive what
made you stay such a time with him; it was most inconsiderate of you.
I wish you had never taken up with these village boys; it is a constant
anxiety to me that you may bring back infectious diseases from their
homes.'

I told her how it was I had stayed so long, and then asked to be
excused coming into the drawing-room that evening.  I wanted to be
alone; it had all seemed so sudden and unexpected that I could hardly
realize it.

Early the next morning the village church bell began to toll, and I
knew that my eldest scholar had gone home.  It was a real grief to me,
and yet for his sake I could not regret it.  How thankful I was now
that I had taken him into my Sunday class, in spite of his age!  It
seemed as if it was a special bit of work that God Himself had given
me, and I thanked Him for it on my knees in the midst of my tears.  I
heard afterwards that he had not spoken to any one afterwards, or taken
the slightest notice of anything, but had passed peacefully away about
four o'clock in the morning.

Roddy remarked cheerfully, when he heard it, 'Jim will be glad now,
won't he, mother?  I wish the angels would come for me, too!'




CHAPTER XIV

WOOED AND WON

  'Beloved! let us love so well, our work shall
      still be better for our love,
  And still our love be sweeter for our work;
  And both commended for the sake of each,
  By all true workers, and true lovers born.'--_E. B. Browning._


It seemed as if Roddy's wish might be realized, for two days after he
sickened with the same complaint.  Mrs. Forsyth would not hear of my
going near him, and I had to be content with news from time to time
through the different villagers.  I was not anxious about myself, but I
did not feel well, and when my throat began to pain me I felt pretty
sure that I was going to have it, too.

I was meditating whether I should tell Mrs. Forsyth one afternoon, as I
sat by the morning-room fire, when Nelly and Kenneth came in from a
walk glowing with health and spirits.

'Now,' said Kenneth, throwing himself full length on the sofa, 'we are
very tired, and want a rest.  Get your fiddle and play to us in the
gloaming, Goody!'

I did not feel much in the mood for it, but I thought it would take off
my thoughts from myself, so I began to play.  And in the firelight,
with the flickering shadows over the room, I lost all sense of my
audience.  I seemed to see the golden gates of the Beautiful City, and
Jim beckoning to both Roddy and myself.  'The Lamb which is in the
midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead them unto living
fountains of waters, and God shall wipe away all tears from their
eyes.'  These words came to me with a fresh realization of their beauty.

When I stopped playing, Nelly was regarding me with round open eyes,
and Kenneth took me quite aback by saying, with cool deliberation,
'There are moments, Goody Two-Shoes, when you and your fiddle are
before my eyes, that I think I should like to marry you and take you
away with me somewhere where you should charm me with those strains
continually.  Don't look so frightened.  We understand each other.  I
know you wouldn't dream of having me, so I am never going to ask you.
You have certainly a fit of inspiration on you to-night.  I don't think
I have ever heard you play better.'

'Miss Thorn has tired herself I think,' said a voice near the door; and
looking round, I saw that Mr. Stanton had been an unseen listener.

I sat down in my chair by the fire.  'I am tired,' I said.  'I think I
shall go to bed, Nelly.'

Instantly Mr. Stanton came forward and gave me his arm.  'You are
trembling all over,' he said very gently; 'lean on me.  I am afraid it
is your throat.'

I looked up at him.  'Yes,' I said.  'Will you ask Mrs. Forsyth to come
to me?  I am so sorry to give her the anxiety, but I am afraid I am
going to be ill.'

There was a strange look in his eyes as his glance met mine--a look
that haunted me through hours of weariness and pain afterwards.  It
seemed so full of tender concern and anxiety; but all he said was in a
low tone as we left the room together, 'The eternal God is thy refuge,
and underneath are the everlasting arms.'

Nelly came with me to my room, and in a very few moments her mother
followed.  I feared what Mrs. Forsyth might say, and began half
apologising for the trouble I might give her; but she cut me short, and
nothing could have been kinder or more restful than her words.  She
told Nelly to leave the room, helped me to bed herself, saying, 'Don't
talk or worry yourself, child.  I have sent for the doctor.  It may be
a very slight attack, and the quieter you keep the better.  There is
nothing for you to be anxious about.  I shall send my maid to you
presently; she is very good in sickness.  Now lie still, and don't talk
to any one.  I only wish you had told me you were not feeling well
before.'

The next week or ten days seemed like a dream; I hardly knew how ill I
was till afterwards; but they had feared at one time that I would not
pull through.  The verse that Mr. Stanton gave me kept running through
my head as a continual refrain: 'Underneath are the everlasting arms.'
And I found it a wonderful pillow to rest upon.  As I gradually
recovered my health and strength, I was astonished at the extreme
kindness of all in the house.  My room was supplied with fresh flowers
every day, and all varieties of books and magazines were constantly
making their appearance.

Mrs. Forsyth was in and out of my room the whole time, though she would
not allow her daughters to come near me, and nothing could have
exceeded her kindness and attention.

'How is Roddy?' was one of the first questions I asked.

Lyle, Mrs. Forsyth's maid, answered me.  'He is getting well, miss.
His mother has been in a sore state of fright about him, but the doctor
was hopeful about him from the first.'

When Christmas Day came, it found me still in my room; but on New
Year's Day I made my first appearance downstairs.  I was surprised to
find how weak I felt, and was glad to rest on the couch which Kenneth
wheeled up towards the fire in the drawing-room for me.

'We have missed you very much,' said Kenneth, with a twinkle in his eye
that invariably came there when he spoke to me; 'I fell to quarrelling
with Nell from lack of occupation; she doesn't stand fire like you!
Haven't you missed me?  I am sure you must have.'

'I don't think I have thought of you once,' I replied with truth.

'And who do you think sent you those beautiful flowers every day if I
did not?'

'I don't think it was you,' I said decidedly.

He laughed, and Nelly put in, 'Of course he didn't.  Mr. Stanton was
constantly bringing some back from London, if he failed to coax old
Brown to cut him some from the houses.  I think he has been the most
attentive one all through!'

'Of course he has.  I think he was longing to go in and read the Bible
to you, if the mother had let him.  Ministration of the sick, don't you
call it?  He will be very attentive yet, I assure you.  We know the way
the wind lies, don't we, Nell?'

'I know this, that you are not going to bully Hilda the very first day
she comes down.'

Kenneth turned away with his low chuckle, and Nelly came up, and
sitting down by me, put her hand on mine caressingly.  'You look as
white and fragile as a piece of china, Hilda.  I am so glad you are
better.  You don't know how we have missed you, and when I thought we
were going to lose you altogether I was miserable.  I thought over all
the nasty things we had said to you, and how you had borne it like an
angel, and then I thought you were going to be taken away because you
were too good for us, and I was wretched!'

Her eyes were full of tears.  She added impulsively, 'I prayed that you
might be spared to us.  I promised God I would turn over a new leaf and
be more serious, and I want to keep that promise.  You will help me,
will you not?  I so often wish I was more like you!'

'Dear Nelly,' I said, tears coming to my own eyes, 'I will do what I
can to help you.  I know you will never regret it if you do keep that
promise!'

More we could not say then, for others came up, Mr. Stanton amongst
them.  He smiled as he took my hand.  'Welcome back, Miss Thorn.  Are
you glad to be amongst us again?'

'Yes,' I said, looking up at him, 'I think I am, though at one time I
thought I should like to go.  I did not think I would be missed.'

He did not answer for a minute, then he said in a low voice, 'I think
the Lord has more work for you to do yet in this corner of His
vineyard.'

I thought of Nelly, and wondered if that was to be my work.  How often
I had prayed that she might have the desire given to her to be
different!  She had always appeared so perfectly content with her life,
that I wondered if anything would ever convince her of its emptiness.

I saw a great deal of Mr. Stanton during my convalescence; he would
sometimes come into the morning-room where Nelly and I spent most of
our time, and bring me a book or paper to read, often sitting down and
reading it himself to us.  And I soon lost all sense of constraint with
him, and could talk to him as unrestrainedly as I could to any one.

Miss Graham would often join us in her spare time, and the days passed
so pleasantly that I dreaded a change in them.

One afternoon I was lying back in an easy chair by the fire alone, when
Mr. Stanton came in.

'I thought I would enjoy a little chat with you before dinner,' he
said.  'I am going away in two days' time, so may not have another
opportunity.'

My heart sank within me, but I knew that it must come, and steadied my
voice as I replied simply, 'I am sorry.'

'Are you?' he said, bending down over me with a look in his eyes that I
could not meet.  'Will you miss me when I am gone?  I have such a
longing to stay and surround you with the love and tenderness that I
feel for you--to have the right of protecting and shielding you from so
many things that must distress you in your life here.  I wonder what
your feelings are towards me?  Could you trust me with your dear little
self, or am I too old, and too grave to suit you?  Do you care for me
just a little--Hilda?'

I could not answer.  Somehow or other I had never expected this or
looked for it.  To have him as a friend was as much as I had ever
hoped, and I felt confused and bewildered by the thoughts of anything
more.

He seemed to read my thoughts.  'I have taken you by surprise; do not
give me your answer now.  I will wait till to-morrow.  I think I could
make you happy, my child,' and there was a little wistfulness in his
tone.  'I know how happy you would make me.'

I tried to speak, but could not.  He stood up by the fireplace, looking
down at me silently for a moment, then said, 'Do not distress yourself;
it is no light thing I am asking you--to give yourself away for life to
one you know so comparatively little.  If I were a younger man, I
should not hesitate so.  But I do think we have a bond together which
many have not--that of being fellow-workers and servants of the same
Master.  And,' here his voice broke a little, 'Hilda, dear child, you
have my love; shall I be able to win yours?'

Then, as I was still silent, he made a movement as if about to leave
me.  'I will not press you--give me an answer to-morrow.'

But by this time I knew my own heart.  I raised ply head and put my
hand on his arm.  'Don't go,' I murmured; 'I will give you the answer
now.'

And the answer never got put into words, for with his strong arm round
me all doubts vanished, and I knew that no one on earth occupied such a
position in my heart as he did.

'I don't know what General Forsyth will say,' I said, a little time
after, when I heard the first gong sound for dinner.

'I had his permission to come to you,' was the reply.

I went into Mrs. Forsyth's boudoir before dinner, but she seemed to
know all about it, and kissed me in a most motherly fashion.  'I can
see what you have come to tell me, child, and you have the best wishes
of both the general and myself.  You are exactly suited to each other
in all your peculiar views, and he is able to give you a comfortable
home.  I thought when you were first taken ill how it would end, he was
so concerned about you!'

It certainly was a surprise to me that all in the house seemed to have
expected it but myself.

'It stands to reason, my dear Goody,' observed Kenneth when he heard
it, '"that birds of a feather flock together."  I think myself he has
the best of the bargain.  That is the first compliment I have ever paid
you, I believe!'

I seemed to live in a dream for the next few days, for Mr. Stanton--or
Philip, as I soon learnt to call him--postponed his departure for a
week.  He took me out for drives on warm, bright days, and was
continually with me.  It seemed to change my whole life, and I could
only thank God again and again for His goodness.  I suppose I had been
so accustomed to live my life alone without receiving sympathy or help
from any, that I had ceased to expect it, and Philip's tender, watchful
care over me seemed sometimes more than I could bear.

I broke down one afternoon altogether, and it was only some trifling
little piece of attention on his part that did it.  'You spoil me,' I
cried; 'I have never had any one to care for my likes or dislikes
before.  You will make me selfish, Philip.  Don't be so good to me.'

'I shall not spoil you,' he responded, with a smile.  'I want to make
your life brighter.  You have had plenty of loneliness in it, and now I
have the pleasure of altering all that.  Dear child, a little love and
care will not make you selfish.'




CHAPTER XV

A GATHERING CLOUD

  'O friend!  O best of friends!  Thy absence more
  Than the impending night darkens the landscape o'er!'--_Longfellow._


'Miss Rayner is in the drawing-room, and would like to see you, miss,'
was the message brought to me one afternoon.

I hastened in.  She had been to see me twice whilst I was ill, but
neither time was I well enough to enjoy her visit.  I had written to
tell her of my engagement, and was a little doubtful as to how she
would receive the news.  I had not heard from her since.

'Well,' she said, drawing me towards her by both hands, 'you haven't
been long about this affair, child!  You did not know such a person was
in existence a couple of months ago.  And it isn't a curate, after all!'

'Would you rather it had been, Miss Rayner?' I asked, laughing.

'I abominate the tribe, as you know, but, as far as I am concerned,
this Mr. Stanton may not be much better.  Who is he, and what is he?
He is an unknown quantity to me!'

'He is a Christian and a gentleman,' I said warmly 'and one of Hugh's
literary friends.'

'A dreamy book-worm like Hugh?  That does not commend him to me; I
should wish you something better.  Now don't try to crush me with that
fiery look.  How do I know what he is like?  I only know that you must
have had very short acquaintance with him, and you could afford to
wait.  You are quite a child still.'

'Shall I call him and introduce him to you?  He is in the house,' I
asked very quietly, for I knew Miss Rayner was only trying to draw me
out.

'Not just yet; my call is on you this afternoon.  Are you feeling
strong again?  How that attack has pulled you down!  Are they feeding
you up well?'

'Yes, I am getting well fast.'

She sat down and talked to me for some time, and then allowed me to go
and fetch Philip.

I need not have been afraid of the result, though I had prepared him
for her extremely blunt way of speaking.

As she shook hands with him, she said,--

'I have come over to see what you are like.  I take an interest in this
child here, and I was not best pleased at the news.  I hope you mean to
be good to her.  Are you sure you are suited to each other?'

Philip was not in the slightest disconcerted by

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