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The Tree of Heaven

by May Sinclair · English · Gutenberg #13883 · 584,225 chars · public domain (US)

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Title: The Tree of Heaven

Author: May Sinclair


        
Release date: October 27, 2004 [eBook #13883]
                Most recently updated: October 28, 2024

Language: English

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*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE TREE OF HEAVEN ***

THE TREE OF HEAVEN

by

MAY SINCLAIR

Author of _The Belfry_, _The Three Sisters_, etc.

1918







PART I

PEACE



I

Frances Harrison was sitting out in the garden under the tree that her
husband called an ash-tree, and that the people down in her part of the
country called a tree of Heaven.

It was warm under the tree, and Frances might have gone to sleep there
and wasted an hour out of the afternoon, if it hadn't been for
the children.

Dorothy, Michael and Nicholas were going to a party, and Nicky was
excited. She could hear Old Nanna talking to Michael and telling him to
be a good boy. She could hear young Mary-Nanna singing to Baby John.
Baby John was too young himself to go to parties; so to make up for that
he was riding furiously on Mary-Nanna's knee to the tune of the
"Bumpetty-Bumpetty Major!"

It was Nicky's first party. That was why he was excited.

He had asked her for the third time what it would be like; and for the
third time she had told him. There would be dancing and a Magic Lantern,
and a Funny Man, and a Big White Cake covered with sugar icing and
Rosalind's name on it in pink sugar letters and eight little pink wax
candles burning on the top for Rosalind's birthday. Nicky's eyes shone
as she told him.

Dorothy, who was nine years old, laughed at Nicky.

"Look at Nicky," she said, "how excited he is!"

And every time she laughed at him his mother kissed him.

"I don't care," said Nicky. "I don't care if I am becited!"

And for the fifth time he asked, "When will it be time to go?"

"Not for another hour and a half, my sweetheart."

"How long," said Nicky, "is an hour and a half?"

       *       *       *       *       *

Frances had a tranquil nature and she never worried. But as she sat
under her tree of Heaven a thought came that made a faint illusion of
worry for her mind. She had forgotten to ask Grannie and Auntie Louie
and Auntie Emmeline and Auntie Edie to tea.

She had come to think of them like that in relation to her children
rather than to her or to each other.

It was a Tuesday, and they had not been there since Friday. Perhaps, she
thought, I'd better send over for them now. Especially as it's such a
beautiful afternoon. Supposing I sent Michael?

And yet, supposing Anthony came home early? He was always kind to her
people, but that was the very reason why she oughtn't to let them spoil
a beautiful afternoon for him. It could not be said that any of them
was amusing.

She could still hear Mary-Nanna singing her song about the
Bumpetty-Bumpetty Major. She could still hear Old Nanna talking to
Michael and telling him to be a good boy. That could only end in Michael
being naughty. To avert naughtiness or any other disaster from her
children was the end of Frances's existence.

So she called Michael to come to her. He came, running like a little
dog, obediently.

       *       *       *       *       *

Michael was glad that he had been sent across the Heath to Grannie's
house with a message. It made him feel big and brave. Besides, it would
put off the moment when Mary-Nanna would come for him, to make him ready
for the party. He was not sure that he wanted to go to it.

Michael did not much like going to Grannie's house either. In all the
rooms there was a queer dark-greenness and creepiness. It smelt of
bird-cages and elder bushes and of Grandpapa's funeral. And when you had
seen Auntie Edie's Senegal wax-bills, and the stuffed fish, and the
inside of Auntie Louie's type-writer there was nothing else to see.

His mother said that Grandpapa's funeral was all over, and that the
green creepiness came from the green creepers. But Michael knew it
didn't. She only said things like that to make you feel nice and comfy
when you were going to bed. Michael knew very well that they had put
Grandpapa into the drawing-room and locked the door so that the funeral
men shouldn't get at him and take him away too soon. And Auntie Louie
had kept the key in her pocket.

Funerals meant taking people away.

Old Nanna wouldn't let him talk about it; but Mary-Nanna had told him
that was what funerals meant. All the same, as he went up the flagged
path, he took care not to look through the black panes of the window
where the elder bush was, lest he should see Grandpapa's coffin standing
in the place where the big table used to be, and Grandpapa lying inside
it wrapped in a white sheet.

Michael's message was that Mummy sent her love, and would Grannie and
Auntie Louie and Auntie Emmeline and Auntie Edie come to tea? She was
going to have tea in the garden, and would they please come early? As
early as possible. That was the part he was not to forget.

The queer thing was that when Michael went to see Grannie and the
Aunties in Grannie's house he saw four old women. They wore black
dresses that smelt sometimes of something sweet and sometimes like your
fingers when you get ink on them. The Aunties looked cross; and Auntie
Emmeline smelt as if she had been crying. He thought that perhaps they
had not been able to stop crying since Grandpapa's funeral. He thought
that was why Auntie Louie's nose was red and shiny and Auntie Edie's
eyelids had pink edges instead of lashes. In Grannie's house they never
let you do anything. They never did anything themselves. They never
wanted to do anything; not even to talk. He thought it was because they
knew that Grandpapa was still there all the time.

But outside it the Aunties were not so very old. They rode bicycles. And
when they came to Michael's Father's house they forgot all about
Grandpapa's funeral and ran about and played tennis like Michael's
mother and Mrs. Jervis, and they talked a lot.

Michael's mother was Grannie's child. To see how she could be a child
you had only to think of her in her nightgown with her long brown hair
plaited in a pigtail hanging down her back and tied with a blue ribbon.
But he couldn't see how the three Aunties could be Grannie's other
children. They were bigger than Grannie and they had grey hair. Grannie
was a little thing; she was white and dry; and she had hair like hay.
Besides, she hardly ever took any notice of them except to make a face
at Auntie Emmeline or Auntie Edie now and then. She did it with her head
a little on one side, pushing out her underlip and drawing it
back again.

Grannie interested Michael; but more when he thought about her than when
she was actually there. She stood for him as the mark and measure of
past time. To understand how old Grannie was you had to think backwards;
this way: Once there was a time when there was no Michael; but there was
Mummy and there was Daddy. And once there was a time when there was no
Mummy and no Daddy; but there was Grannie and there was Grandpapa. Now
there was no Grandpapa. But he couldn't think back far enough to get to
the time when there was no Grannie.

Michael thought that being Grannie must feel like being God.

Before he came to the black window pane and the elder bush he had to run
down the slopes and jump the gullies on his side of the Heath, and cross
the West Road, and climb the other slope to Grannie's side. And it was
not till you got to the row of elms on Judge's Walk that you had to go
carefully because of the funeral.

He stood there on the ridge of the Walk and looked back to his own side.
There were other houses there; but he knew his father's house by the
tree of Heaven in the garden.

       *       *       *       *       *

The garden stood on a high, flat promontory jutting out into the Heath.
A brown brick wall with buttresses, strong like fortifications on a
breastwork, enclosed it on three sides. From the flagged terrace at the
bottom of the garden you looked down, through the tops of the
birch-trees that rose against the rampart, over the wild places of the
Heath. There was another flagged terrace at the other end of the garden.
The house rose sheer from its pavement, brown brick like the wall, and
flat-fronted, with the white wings of its storm shutters spread open,
row on row. It barred the promontory from the mainland. And at the back
of it, beyond its kitchen garden and its courtyard, a fringe of Heath
still parted it from the hill road that went from "Jack Straw's Castle"
to "The Bull and Bush." You reached it by a lane that led from the road
to the Heath.

The house belonged to the Heath and the open country. It was aware of
nothing but the Heath and the open country between it and Harrow on the
Hill. It had the air of all the old houses of Hampstead, the wonderful
air of not acknowledging the existence of Bank Holidays. It was lifted
up high above the town; shut in; utterly secluded.

       *       *       *       *       *

Anthony Harrison considered that he had done well when he acquired West
End House for his wife Frances, and for his children, Dorothea, Michael,
Nicholas and John.

Frances had said that, if he was thinking of her, he needn't buy a big
place, because she didn't want one. But he might buy it for the children
if he liked. Anthony had said that she had no idea of what she mightn't
want, once she began to give her mind to it, and that he would like to
think of her living in it after he was gone. Not that he had any
intention of going; he was only thirty-six (not much older than Frances)
and incurably healthy. But since his wife's attention had become
absorbed in the children--to the exclusion of every other interest--he
was always trying to harrow her by the suggestion. And Frances only
laughed at him and told him that he was a silly old thing, and that he
needn't think he was going to get round her that way.

There was no other way open for Anthony; unless he were to go bankrupt
or get pneumonia or peritonitis. Frances would have been the first to
acknowledge that illness or misfortune constituted a claim. And the only
things he ever did get were loud, explosive colds in his head which made
him a mark for derision. His business was so sound that not even a
revolution or a European war could shake it. And his appearance was
incompatible with his pretensions to pathos.

It would have paid him better to have been small and weedy, or
lamentably fat, or to have had a bald place coming, or crow's feet
pointing to grey hairs; for then there might have been a chance for him.
But Anthony's body was well made, slender and tall. He had blue eyes and
black-brown hair, and the look of an amiable hawk, alert, fiercely
benevolent. Frances couldn't see any pathos in the kind of figure she
happened to admire most, the only kind she would have tolerated in a
husband. And if she _had_ seen any pathos in it she wouldn't have
married it. Pathos, she said, was all very well in a father, or a
brother, or a friend, but in choosing a husband you had to think of your
children; and she had wanted boys that would look like Michael and
Nicholas and John.

"Don't you mean," Anthony had said, "boys that will look like me?"

"I mean," she had answered, "exactly what I say. You needn't be so
arrogant."

_Her_ arrogance had been beyond all bearing since John, the third son,
had been born.

And it was Frances, after all, who had made him buy West End House for
her own reasons. Both the day nursery and the night nursery had windows
to the south. It was the kind of house she had always dreamed of living
in, and of Michael, or Nicky living in after she and Anthony were gone.
It was not more than seven minutes' walk from the bottom of the lane to
the house where her people lived. She had to think about the old people
when the poor dears had come up to London in order to be thought about.
And it had white storm shutters and a tree of Heaven in the garden.

And, because they had both decided that they would have that house
whatever happened, they began to argue and to tease each other. Anthony
had said it was all right, only the tree of Heaven wasn't a tree of
Heaven; it was a common ash. He was one of the biggest timber merchants
in the country and he ought to know. Frances said she mightn't know
much, but she did know that was the kind of tree the people down in her
part of the country called a tree of Heaven. Anthony said he couldn't
help that. It didn't matter what they called it. It was a common ash.

Then she told him he had no poetry in his composition. She had always
dreamed of having a tree of Heaven in her garden; and he was destroying
her dream. He replied that he didn't want to destroy her dream, but the
tree really _was_ an ash. You could tell by the bark, and by the leaves
and by the number and the shape of the leaflets. And anyhow, that was
the first he'd heard about her dream.

"You don't know," said Frances, "what goes on inside me."

She said that if any of the children developed an imagination he needn't
think _he_ had anything to do with it.

"I shan't," said Anthony. "I wouldn't have anything to do with it if I
could. Facts are good enough for me. The children must be brought up to
realize facts."

An ash-tree was a fact and a tree of Heaven was a fancy; unless by any
chance she meant _ailanthus glandulosa_. (He knew she didn't.) If she
wanted to know, the buds of the ash were black like ebony. The buds of
the tree of Heaven were rose-red, like--like bad mahogany. Wait till the
spring and look at the buds.

Frances waited till the spring and looked at the buds, and, sure enough,
they were black like ebony.

Anthony also said that if they were choosing a house for the children,
it was no earthly use to think about the old people. For the old people
would go and the children would remain.

As if to show how right he was, Grandpapa had died early in that summer
of 'ninety-five, one month after they had moved into West End House.
That still left Grannie and Auntie Louie and Auntie Emmeline and Auntie
Edie for Anthony to look after.

       *       *       *       *       *

She was thinking of them now. She hoped that they would come early in
time to see the children. She also hoped that they would go early, so
that she and Anthony might have their three sets of tennis before
dinner in peace.

There would be no peace if Louie and Edie wanted to play too. The one
thing that Anthony could not stand was people wanting to do things they
couldn't do, and spoiling them for those who could. He used to say that
the sight of Louie anywhere near the tennis court put him off
his stroke.

Again, the faint illusion of worry was created by the thought that this
dreadful thing might happen, that Louie and Edie might want to play and
that Anthony would be put off his stroke and be annoyed, and that his
annoyance, his just and legitimate annoyance, would spoil the
perfection of the afternoon. And as she played with the illusion it made
more real her tranquillity, her incredible content.

Her hands were busy now putting decorative stitches into a frock for
John. She had pushed aside a novel by George Moore and a volume of
Ibsen's plays. She disliked Ibsen and disapproved of George Moore. Her
firm, tight little character defended itself against every form of
intellectual disturbance. A copy of the _Times_ had fallen from her lap
to her feet. Jane, the cat, had found it there, and, purring loudly, had
trodden it down into a bed, and now lay on it, asleep. Frances had
informed herself of the affairs of the nation.

At the bottom of her mind was the conviction (profound, because
unconscious) that the affairs of the nation were not to be compared for
interest with her own affairs, and an attitude of condescension, as if
she honoured the _Times_ by reading it and the nation by informing
herself of its affairs; also the very distinct impression that evening
papers were more attractive than morning papers. She would have admitted
that they owed their attraction to the circumstance that Anthony brought
them home with him in his pocket, and that in the evening she was not
obliged to inform herself of what might be happening. Anthony was
certain to inform her.

Not that anything ever did happen. Except strikes; and even then, no
sooner did the features of the strike begin to get dramatic than they
were instantly submerged in the flood of conversation that was let loose
over them. Mrs. Anthony pitied the poor editors and reporters while
Parliament was sitting. She saw them as rather silly, violent and
desperate men, yet pathetic in their silliness, violence and
desperation, snatching at divorces, and breach of promise cases, and
fires in paraffin shops, as drowning men snatch at straws.

Her imagination refused to picture any end to this state of things.
There would just be more speeches and more strikes, and still more
speeches, going on for ever and ever at home; while foreign affairs and
the British Empire went on for ever and ever too, with no connection
between the two lines of sequence, and no likeness, except that both
somehow went on and on.

That was Anthony's view of England's parliament and of her imperial
policy; and it was Mrs. Anthony's. Politics, Anthony said, had become
static; and he assured Frances that there was no likelihood that they
would ever become dynamic again--ever.

Anthony's view of politics was Mrs. Anthony's view of life.

Nothing ever really happened. Things did not change; they endured; they
went on. At least everything that really mattered endured and went on.
So that everything that really mattered could--if you were given to
looking forward--be foreseen. A strike--a really bad one--might
conceivably affect Anthony's business, for a time; but not all the
strikes in the world, not all the silly speeches, not all the meddling
and muddling of politicians could ever touch one of those
enduring things.

Frances believed in permanence because, in secret, she abhorred the
thought of change. And she abhorred the thought of change because, at
thirty-three, she had got all the things she wanted. But only for the
last ten years out of the thirty-three. Before that (before she was Mrs.
Anthony), wanting things, letting it be known that you wanted them, had
meant not getting them. So that it was incredible how she had contrived
to get them all. She had not yet left off being surprised at her own
happiness. It was not like things you take for granted and are not aware
of. Frances was profoundly aware of it. Her happiness was a solid,
tangible thing. She knew where it resided, and what it was made of, and
what terms she held it on. It depended on her; on her truth, her love,
her loyalty; it was of the nature of a trust. But there was no illusion
about it. It was the reality.

She denied that she was arrogant, for she had not taken one of them for
granted, not even Dorothy; though a little arrogance might have been
excusable in a woman who had borne three sons and only one daughter
before she was thirty-two. Whereas Grannie's achievement had been four
daughters, four superfluous women, of whom Anthony had married one and
supported three.

To be sure there was Maurice. But he was worse than superfluous,
considering that most of the time Anthony was supporting Maurice, too.

She had only known one serious anxiety--lest her flesh and blood should
harbour any of the blood and flesh left over after Morrie was made. She
had married Anthony to drive out Morrie from the bodies and souls of her
children. She meant that, through her and Anthony, Morrie should go, and
Dorothea, Michael, Nicholas and John should remain.

As Frances looked at the four children, her mouth tightened itself so as
to undo the ruinous adoration of her eyes. She loved their slender
bodies, their pure, candid faces, their thick, straight hair that parted
solidly from the brush, clean-cut and shining like sheets of polished
metal, brown for Dorothy, black-brown for Nicholas, red gold for Michael
and white gold for John. She was glad that they were all made like that;
slender and clear and hard, and that their very hair was a thing of
clean surfaces and definite edges. She disliked the blurred outlines of
fatness and fuzziness and fluffiness. The bright solidity of their forms
helped her to her adored illusion, the illusion of their childhood as
going on, lasting for ever and ever.

They would be the nicest looking children at Mrs. Jervis's party. They
would stand out solid from the fluffiness and fuzziness and fatness of
the others. She saw people looking at them. She heard them saying: "Who
are the two little boys in brown linen?"--"They are Michael and Nicholas
Harrison." The Funny Man came and said: "Hello! I didn't expect to see
you here!" It was Michael and Nicholas he didn't expect to see; and the
noise in the room was Nicky's darling laughter.

Music played. Michael and Nicholas danced to the music. It was Michael's
body and Nicky's that kept for her the pattern of the dance, their feet
that beat out its measure. Sitting under the tree of Heaven Frances
could see Mrs. Jervis's party. It shimmered and clustered in a visionary
space between the tree and the border of blue larkspurs on the other
side of the lawn. The firm figures of Michael and Nicholas and Dorothy
held it together, kept it from being shattered amongst the steep blue
spires of the larkspurs. When it was all over they would still hold it
together, so that people would know that it had really happened and
remember having been there. They might even remember that Rosalind had
had a birthday.

       *       *       *       *       *

Frances had just bestowed this life after death on Mrs. Jervis's party
when she heard Michael saying he didn't want to go to it.

He had no idea why he didn't want to go except that he didn't.

"What'?" said Frances. "Not when Nicky and Dorothy are going?"

He shook his head. He was mournful and serious.

"And there's going to be a Magic Lantern"--

"I know."

"And a Funny Man"--

"I know."

"And a Big White Cake with sugar icing and Rosalind's name on it in pink
letters, and eight candles--"

"I know, Mummy." Michael's under lip began to shake.

"I thought it was only little baby boys that were silly and shy."

Michael was not prepared to contest the statement. He saw it was the
sort of thing that in the circumstances she was bound to say. All the
same his under lip would have gone on shaking if he hadn't stopped it.

"I thought you were a big boy," said Frances.

"So I _was_, yesterday. To-day isn't yesterday, Mummy."

"If John--John was asked to a beautiful party _he_ wouldn't be afraid to
go."

As soon as Michael's under lip had stopped shaking his eyelids began.
You couldn't stop your eyelids.

"It's not _afraid_, exactly," he said.

"What is it, then?"

"It's sort--sort of forgetting things."

"What things?"

"I don't know, Mummy. I think--it's pieces of me that I want to
remember. At a party I can't feel all of myself at once--like I do now."

She loved his strange thoughts as she loved his strange beauty, his
reddish yellow hair, his light hazel eyes that were not hers and not
Anthony's.

"What will you do, sweetheart, all afternoon, without Nicky and Dorothy
and Mary-Nanna?"

"I don't want Nicky and Dorothy and Mary-Nanna. I want Myself. I want to
play with Myself."

She thought: "Why shouldn't he? What right have I to say these things to
him and make him cry, and send him to stupid parties that he doesn't
want to go to? After all, he's only a little boy."

She thought of Michael, who was seven, as if he were younger than
Nicholas, who was only five.

       *       *       *       *       *

Nicky was different. You could never tell what Michael would take it
into his head to think. You could never tell what Nicky would take it
into his head to do. There was no guile in Michael. But sometimes there
was guile in Nicky. Frances was always on the look out for
Nicky's guile.

So when Michael remarked that Grannie and the Aunties would be there
immediately and Nicky said, "Mummy, I think my ear is going to ache,"
her answer was--"You won't have to stay more than a minute, darling."

For Nicky lived in perpetual fear that his Auntie Louie might kiss at
him.

Dorothy saw her mother's profound misapprehension and she hastened to
put it right.

"It isn't Auntie Louie, Mummy. His ear is really aching."

And still Frances went on smiling. She knew, and Nicky knew that, if a
little boy could establish the fact of earache, he was absolved from all
social and family obligations for as long as his affliction lasted. He
wouldn't have to stand still and pretend he liked it while he was being
kissed at.

Frances kept her mouth shut when she smiled, as if she were trying not
to. It was her upper lip that got the better of her. The fine, thin
edges of it quivered and twitched and curled. You would have said the
very down was sensitive to her thought's secret and iniquitous play. Her
smile mocked other people's solemnities, her husband's solemnity, and
the solemnity (no doubt inherited) of her son Michael; it mocked the
demureness and the gravity of her face.

She had brought her face close to Nicky's; and it was as if her mouth
had eyes in it to see if there were guile in him.

"Are you a little humbug?" she said.

Nicky loved his mother's face. It never got excited or did silly things
like other people's faces. It never got red and shiny like Auntie
Louie's face, or hot and rough like Auntie Emmeline's, or wet and mizzly
like Auntie Edie's. The softness and whiteness and dryness of his
mother's face were delightful to Nicky. So was her hair. It was cold,
with a funny sort of coldness that made your fingers tingle when you
touched it; and it smelt like the taste of Brazil nuts.

Frances saw the likeness of her smile quiver on Nicky's upper lip. It
broke and became Nicky's smile that bared his little teeth and curled up
the corners of his blue eyes. (His blue eyes and black brown hair were
Anthony's.) It wasn't reasonable to suppose that Nicky had earache when
he could smile like that.

"I'm afraid," she said, "you're a little humbug. Run to the terrace and
see if Grannie and the Aunties are coming."

He ran. It was half a child's run and half a full-grown boy's.

Then Mrs. Anthony addressed her daughter.

"Why did you say his ear's aching when it isn't?"

"Because," said Dorothy, "it _is_ aching."

She was polite and exquisite and obstinate, like Anthony.

"Nicky ought to know his own ear best. Go and tell him he's not to stand
on the top of the wall. And if they're coming wave to them, to show
you're glad to see them."

"But--Mummy--I'm not."

She knew it was dreadful before she said it. But she had warded off
reproof by nuzzling against her mother's cheek as it tried to turn away
from her. She saw her mother's upper lip moving, twitching. The
sensitive down stirred on it like a dark smudge, a dust that quivered.
Her own mouth, pushed forward, searching, the mouth of a nuzzling puppy,
remained grave and tender. She was earnest and imperturbable in her
truthfulness. "Whether you're glad or not you must go," said Frances.
She meant to be obeyed.

Dorothy went. Her body was obedient. For as yet she had her mother's
body and her face, her blunted oval, the straight nose with the fine,
tilted nostrils, her brown eyes, her solid hair, brown on the top and
light underneath, and on the curve of the roll above her little ears.
Frances had watched the appearance of those details with an anxiety that
would have surprised her if she had been aware of it. She wanted to see
herself in the bodies of her sons and in the mind of her daughter. But
Dorothy had her father's mind. You couldn't move it. What she had said
once she stuck to for ever, like Anthony to his ash-tree. As if sticking
to a thing for ever could make it right once. And Dorothy had formed the
habit of actually being right, like Anthony, nine times out of ten.
Frances foresaw that this persistence, this unreasoning rectitude,
might, in time, become annoying in a daughter. There were moments when
she was almost perturbed by the presence of this small, mysterious
organism, mixed up of her body and her husband's mind.

But in secret she admired her daughter's candour, her downrightness and
straightforwardness, her disdain of conventions and hypocrisies. Frances
was not glad, she knew she was not glad, any more than Dorothy was glad,
to see her mother and her sisters. She only pretended. In secret she was
afraid of every moment she would have to live with them. She had lived
with them too long. She foresaw what would happen this afternoon, how
they would look, what they would say and do, and with what gestures. It
would be like the telling, for the thirteenth time, of a dull story that
you know every word of.

She thought she had sent them a kind message. But she knew she had only
asked them to come early in order that they might go early and leave her
to her happiness.

She went down to the terrace wall where Michael and Nicky and Dorothy
were watching for them. She was impatient, and she thought that she
wanted to see them coming. But she only wanted to see if they were
coming early. It struck her that this was sad.

       *       *       *       *       *

Small and distant, the four black figures moved on the slope under the
Judges' Walk; four spots of black that crawled on the sallow grass and
the yellow clay of the Heath.

"How little they look," Michael said.

Their littleness and their distance made them harmless, made them
pathetic. Frances was sorry that she was not glad. That was the
difference between her and Dorothy, that she was sorry and always would
be sorry for not being what she ought to be; and Dorothy never would be
sorry for being what she was. She seemed to be saying, already, in her
clearness and hardness, "What I am I am, and you can't change me." The
utmost you could wring from her was that she couldn't help it.

Frances's sorrow was almost unbearable when the four women in black came
nearer, when she saw them climbing the slope below the garden and
the lane.



II

Grannie took a long time crossing the lawn from the door in the lane to
the tree of Heaven.

She came first. Her daughters followed, forced to her slow pace,
advancing with an air of imperfect cohesion, of not really belonging to
each other, as if they had been strangers associated by some accident.
It had grown on them in their efforts to carry off the embarrassment of
appearing as an eternal trio. Auntie Louie carried it off best. Sharp
and rigid, Auntie Louie's figure never lent itself to any group. But for
her black gown she really might not have belonged.

Mrs. Fleming went slowly, not because she was old, for she was only
sixty, but because, though she said, and thought, that she was wrapped
up in Frances and her children, she was still absorbed, fascinated by
her sacred sense of bereavement. She moved as if hypnotized by her
own sorrow.

To her three unmarried daughters she behaved with a sort of mystic
hostility, a holy detachment and displeasure, as if she suspected them
of getting over it, or of wanting to get over it if they could. But to
her one married daughter and to her grand-children she was soft and
gentle. So that, when they happened to be all together, her moods
changed so rapidly that she seemed a creature of unaccountable caprice.
One minute her small, white, dry face quivered with softness and
gentleness, and the next it stiffened, or twitched with the inimical,
disapproving look it had for Louie and Emmeline and Edith.

The children lifted up their pure, impassive faces to be kissed at. Old
Nanna brought Baby John and put him on his grandmother's knee. Dorothy
and Nicholas went off with Mary-Nanna to the party. Michael forgot all
about playing with himself. He stayed where he was, drawn by the
spectacle of Grannie and the Aunties. Grannie was clucking and chuckling
to Baby John as she had clucked and chuckled to her own babies long ago.
Her under lip made itself wide and full; it worked with an in and out
movement very funny and interesting to Michael. The movement meant that
Grannie chuckled under protest of memories that were sacred to
Grandpapa.

"Tchoo--tchoo--tchoo--tchoo! Chuckaboo! Beautiful boy!" said Grannie.

Auntie Louie looked at her youngest nephew. She smiled her downward,
sagging smile, wrung from a virginity sadder than Grannie's grief. She
spoke to Baby John.

"You really are rather a nice boy," Auntie Louie said.

But Edie, the youngest Auntie, was kneeling on the grass before him,
bringing her face close to his. Baby John's new and flawless face was
cruel to Auntie Edie's. So was his look of dignity and wisdom.

"Oh, she says you're only rather nice," said Auntie Edie. "And you're
the beautifullest, sweetest, darlingest that ever was. Wasn't she a
nasty Auntie Louie? Ten little pink toes. And _there_ he goes. Five
little tootsies to each of his footsies."

She hid herself behind the _Times_ disturbing Jane.

"Where's John-John?" she cried. "Where's he gone to? Can anybody tell me
where to find John-John? Where's John-John? Peep-_bo_--there he is!
John-John, look at Auntie Edie. Oh, he won't pay any attention to
poor me."

Baby John was playing earnestly with Grannie's watch-chain.

"You might leave the child alone," said Grannie. "Can't you see he
doesn't want you?"

Auntie Edie made a little pouting face, like a scolded, pathetic child.
Nobody ever did want Auntie Edie.

And all the time Auntie Emmy was talking to Frances very loud and fast.

"Frances, I do think your garden's too beautiful for words. How clever
of you to think of clearing away the old flower-beds. I hate flower-beds
on a lawn. Yet I don't suppose I should have had the strength of mind to
get rid of them if it bad been me."

As she talked Auntie Emmy opened her eyes very wide; her eyebrows
jerked, the left one leaping up above the right; she thrust out her chin
at you and her long, inquiring nose. Her thin face was the play of
agitated nerve-strings that pulled it thus into perpetual, restless
movements; and she made vague gestures with her large, bony hands. Her
tongue went tick-tack, like a clock. Anthony said you-could hear Emmy's
tongue striking the roof of her-mouth all thee time.

"And putting those delphiniums all together like that--Massing the
blues. Anthony? I _do_ think Anthony has perfect taste. I adore
delphiniums."

Auntie Emmy was behaving as if neither Michael nor Baby John was there.

"Don't you think John-John's too beautiful for words?" said Frances.
"Don't you like him a little bit too?"

Auntie Emmy winced as if Frances had flicked something in her face.

"Of course I like him too. Why shouldn't I?"

"I don't think you _do_, Auntie Emmy," Michael said.

Auntie Emmy considered him as for the first time.

"What do you know about it?" she said.

"I can tell by the funny things your face does."

"I thought," said Frances, "you wanted to play by yourself."

"So I do," said Michael.

"Well then, go and play."

He went and to a heavenly place that he knew of. But as he played with
Himself there he thought: "Auntie Emmy doesn't tell the truth. I think
it is because she isn't happy."

Michael kept his best things to himself.

       *       *       *       *       *

"I suppose you're happy," said Grannie, "now you've got the poor child
sent away."

Auntie Emmy raised her eyebrows and spread out her hands, as much as to
say she was helpless under her mother's stupidity.

"He'd have been sent away anyhow," said Frances. "It isn't good for him
to hang about listening to grown-up conversation."

It was her part to keep the peace between her mother and her sisters.

"It seems to me," said Auntie Louie, "that you began it yourself."

When a situation became uncomfortable, Auntie Louie always put her word
in and made it worse. She never would let Frances keep the peace.

Frances knew what Louie meant--that she was always flinging her babies
in Emmy's face at those moments when the sight of other people's babies
was too much for Emmy. She could never be prepared for Emmy's moments.

"It's all very well," Auntie Louie went on; "but I should like to hear
of somebody admiring Dorothy. I don't see where Dorothy comes in."

Dorothy was supposed, by the two Nannas, to be Auntie Louie's favourite.
If you taxed her with it she was indignant and declared that she was
sure she wasn't.

And again Frances knew what Louie meant--that she loved her three sons,
Michael and Nicholas and John, with passion, and her one daughter,
Dorothea, with critical affection. That was the sort of thing that Louie
was always saying and thinking about people, and nobody ever paid the
slightest attention to what Louie said or thought. Frances told herself
that if there was one emotion that she was more free from than another
it was sex jealousy.

The proof of it, which she offered now, was that she had given up
Dorothy to Anthony. It was natural that he should care most for the
little girl.

Louie said that was easy--when she knew perfectly well that Anthony
didn't. Like Frances he cared most for his three sons. She was leaving
Dorothy to Anthony so that Anthony might leave Michael and Nicholas
to her.

"You might just as well say," Frances said, "that I'm in love with
John-John. Poor little Don-Don!"

"I might," said Louie, "just as well."

Grannie said she was sure she didn't understand what they were talking
about and that Louie had some very queer ideas in her head.

"Louie," she said, "knows more than I do."

Frances thought: Was Grannie really stupid? Was she really innocent? Was
she not, rather, clever, chock-full of the secret wisdom and the secret
cruelty of sex?

Frances was afraid of her thoughts. They came to her not like thoughts,
but like quick rushes of her blood, partly confusing her. She did not
like that.

She thought: Supposing Grannie knew all the time that Emmy was unhappy,
and took a perverse pleasure in her knowledge? Supposing she was not
really soft and gentle? She could be soft and gentle to her, because of
her children and because of Anthony. She respected Anthony because he
was well-off and efficient and successful, and had supported her ever
since Grandpapa had gone bankrupt. She was proud of Frances because she
was Anthony's wife, who had had three sons and only one daughter.

Grannie behaved as if her grandchildren were her own children, as if she
had borne three Sons and only one daughter, instead of four daughters
and only one son. Still, Frances was the vehicle of flesh and blood that
carried on her flesh and blood in Michael and Nicholas and John. She
respected Frances.

But Frances could remember a time when she had been unmarried like her
sisters, and when Grannie had turned on her, too, that look that was
half contempt and half hostility or displeasure. Grannie had not wanted
her to marry Anthony, any more than she would have wanted Louie or
Emmeline or Edith to marry anybody, supposing anybody had wanted to
marry them. And Frances and Anthony had defied her. They had insisted on
marrying each other. Frances knew that if there had been no Anthony, her
mother would have despised her in secret, as in secret she despised
Emmeline and Edith. She despised them more than Louie, because, poor
things, they wanted, palpably, to be married, whereas Louie didn't, or
said she didn't. In her own way, Louie had defied her mother. She had
bought a type-writer and a bicycle with her own earnings, and by
partially supporting herself she had defied Anthony, the male
benefactor, Louie's manner intimated that there was nothing Frances had
that she wanted. She had resources in herself, and Frances had none.

Frances persuaded herself that she admired and respected Louie. She knew
that she, Frances, was only admired and respected because she had
succeeded where her three sisters had failed. She was even afraid that,
in moments of exasperation, Grannie used her and Anthony and the
children to punish Emmy and Edie for their failure. The least she could
do was to stand between them and Grannie.

It was possible that if Grannie had been allowed to ignore them and give
her whole attention to Frances or Michael or Baby John, she could have
contrived to be soft and gentle for an afternoon. But neither Louie nor
Emmeline, nor even Edith, would consent to be ignored. They refused to
knuckle under, to give in. Theirs was a perpetual struggle to achieve an
individuality in the teeth of circumstances that had denied them any.
Frances acknowledged that they were right, that in the same
circumstances she would have done the same.

In their different ways and by different methods they claimed attention.
They claimed it incessantly, Louie, the eldest, by an attitude of
assurance and superiority so stiff and hard that it seemed invulnerable;
Emmy by sudden jerky enthusiasms, exaltations, intensities; Edie by an
exaggerated animation, a false excitement. Edie would drop from a
childish merriment to a childish pathos, when she would call herself
"Poor me," and demand pity for being tired, for missing a train, for
cold feet, for hair coming down.

There would be still more animation, and still more enthusiasm when
Anthony came home.

Frances prided herself on her power of foreseeing things. She foresaw
that Anthony would come home early for his game. She foresaw the funny,
nervous agony of his face when he appeared on the terrace and caught
sight of Grannie and the three Aunties, and the elaborate and exquisite
politeness with which he would conceal from them his emotion. She
foresaw that she would say to Annie, "When the master comes tell him
we're having tea in the garden, under the tree of--under the ash-tree"
(for after all, he was the master, and discipline must be maintained).
She foresaw the very gestures of his entrance, the ironically solemn bow
that he would make to her, far-off, from the terrace; she even foresaw
the kind of joke that, for the life of him, he would not be able to
help making. She was so made that she could live happily in this world
of small, foreseen things.



III

And it all happened as she had foreseen.

Anthony came home early, because it was a fine afternoon. He made the
kind of joke that calamity always forced from him, by some perversion of
his instincts.

"When is an ash-tree not an ash-tree? When it's a tree of Heaven."

He was exquisitely polite to Grannie and the Aunties, and his manner to
Frances, which she openly complained of, was, he said, what a woman
brought on herself when she reserved her passion for her children, her
sentiment for trees of Heaven, and her mockery for her devoted husband.

"I suppose we can have some tennis _now_," said Auntie Louie.

"Certainly," said Anthony, "we can, and we shall." He tried not to look
at Frances.

And Auntie Edie became automatically animated.

"I can't serve for nuts, but I can run. Who's going to play with _me_?"

"I am," said Anthony. He was perfect.

The game of tennis had an unholy and terrible attraction for Auntie
Louie and Auntie Edie. Neither of them could play. But, whereas Auntie
Louie thought that she could play and took tennis seriously, Auntie Edie
knew that she couldn't and took it as a joke.

Auntie Louie stood tall and rigid and immovable. She planted herself,
like a man, close up to the net, where Anthony wanted to be, and where
he should have been; but Auntie Louie said she was no good if you put
her to play back; she couldn't be expected to take every ball he missed.

When Auntie Louie called out "Play!" she meant to send a nervous shudder
through her opponents, shattering their morale. She went through all the
gestures of an annihilating service that for some reason never happened.
She said the net was too low and that spoiled her eye. And when she
missed her return it was because Anthony had looked at her and put her
off. Still Aunt Louie's attitude had this advantage that it kept her
quiet in one place where Anthony could dance round and round her.

But Auntie Edie played in little nervous runs and slides and rushes; she
flung herself, with screams of excitement, against the ball, her partner
and the net; and she brandished her racket in a dangerous manner. The
oftener she missed the funnier it was to Auntie Edie. She had been
pretty when she was young, and seventeen years ago her cries and tumbles
and collisions had been judged amusing; and Auntie Edie thought they
were amusing still. Anthony had never had the heart to undeceive her. So
that when Anthony was there Auntie Edie still went about setting a
standard of gaiety for other people to live up to; and still she was
astonished that they never did, that other people had no sense
of humour.

Therefore Frances was glad when Anthony told her that he had asked Mr.
Parsons, the children's tutor, and young Norris and young Vereker from
the office to come round for tennis at six, and that dinner must be put
off till half-past eight.

All was well. The evening would be sacred to Anthony and the young men.
The illusion of worry passed, and Frances's real world of happiness
stood firm.

And as Frances's mind, being a thoroughly healthy mind, refused to
entertain any dreary possibility for long together, so it was simply
unable to foresee downright calamity, even when it had been pointed out
to her. For instance, that Nicky should really have chosen the day of
the party for an earache, the worst earache he had ever had.

He appeared at tea-time, carried in Mary-Nanna's arms, and with his head
tied up in one of Mr. Jervis's cricket scarves. As he approached his
family he tried hard not to look pathetic.

And at the sight of her little son her whole brilliant world of
happiness was shattered around Frances.

"Nicky darling," she said, "why _didn't_ you tell me it was really
aching?"

"I didn't know," said Nicky.

He never did know the precise degree of pain that distinguished the
beginning of a genuine earache from that of a sham one, and he felt that
to palm off a sham earache on his mother for a real one, was somehow a
sneaky thing to do. And while his ear went on stabbing him, Nicky did
his best to explain.

"You see, I never know whether it's aching or whether it's only going to
ache. It began a little, teeny bit when the Funny Man made me laugh.
And I didn't see the Magic Lantern, and I didn't have any of Rosalind's
cake. It came on when I was biting the sugar off. And it was aching in
both ears at once. It was," said Nicky, "a jolly sell for me."

At that moment Nicky's earache jabbed upwards at his eyelids and cut
them, and shook tears out of them. But Nicky's mouth refused to take any
part in the performance, though he let his father carry him upstairs.
And, as he lay on the big bed in his mother's room, he said he thought
he could bear it if he had Jane-Pussy to lie beside him, and his
steam-engine.

Anthony went back into the garden to fetch Jane. He spent an hour
looking for her, wandering in utter misery through the house and through
the courtyard and stables and the kitchen garden. He looked for Jane in
the hothouse and the cucumber frames, and under the rhubarb, and on the
scullery roof, and in the water butt. It was just possible that on a day
of complete calamity Jane should have slithered off the scullery roof
into the water-butt. The least he could do was to find Jane, since Nicky
wanted her.

And in the end it turned out that Jane had been captured in her sleep,
treacherously, by Auntie Emmy. And she had escaped, maddened with terror
of the large, nervous, incessantly caressing hands. She had climbed into
the highest branch of the tree of Heaven, and crouched there,
glaring, unhappy.

"Damn the cat!" said Anthony to himself. (It was not Jane he meant.)

He was distressed, irritated, absurdly upset, because he would have to
go back to Nicky without Jane, because he couldn't get Nicky what
he wanted.

In that moment Anthony loved Nicky more than any of them. He loved him
almost more than Frances. Nicky's earache ruined the fine day.

He confided in young Vereker. "I wouldn't bother," he said, "if the
little chap wasn't so plucky about it."

"Quite so, sir," said young Vereker.

It was young Mr. Vereker who found Jane, who eventually recaptured her.
Young Mr. Vereker made himself glorious by climbing up, at the risk of
his neck and in his new white flannels, into the high branches of the
tree of Heaven, to bring Jane down.

And when Anthony thanked him he said, "Don't mention it, sir. It's only
a trifle," though it was, as Mr. Norris said, palpable that the flannels
were ruined. Still, if he hadn't found that confounded cat, they would
never, humanly speaking, have had their tennis.

The Aunties did not see Mr. Vereker climbing into the tree of Heaven.
They did not see him playing with Mr. Parsons and Anthony and Mr.
Norris. For as soon as the three young men appeared, and Emmeline and
Edith began to be interested and emphatic, Grannie said that as they
wouldn't see anything more of Frances and the children, it was no good
staying any longer, and they'd better be getting back. It was as if she
knew that they were going to enjoy themselves and was determined to
prevent it.

Frances went with them to the bottom of the lane. She stood there till
the black figures had passed, one by one, through the white posts on to
the Heath, till, in the distance, they became small again and harmless
and pathetic.

Then she went back to her room where Nicky lay in the big bed.

       *       *       *       *       *

Nicky lay in the big bed with Jane on one side of him and his
steam-engine on the other, and a bag of hot salt against each ear. Now
and then a thin wall of sleep slid between him and his earache.

Frances sat by the open window and looked out into the garden where
Anthony and Norris played, quietly yet fiercely, against Vereker and
Parsons. Frances loved the smell of fresh grass that the balls and the
men's feet struck from the lawn; she loved the men's voices subdued to
Nicky's sleep, and the sound of their padding feet, the thud of the
balls on the turf, the smacking and thwacking of the rackets. She loved
every movement of Anthony's handsome, energetic body; she loved the
quick, supple bodies of the young men, the tense poise and earnest
activity of their adolescence. But it was not Vereker or Parsons or
Norris that she loved or that she saw. It was Michael, Nicholas and John
whose adolescence was foreshadowed in those athletic forms wearing white
flannels; Michael, Nicky and John, in white flannels, playing fiercely.
When young Vereker drew himself to his full height, when his young body
showed lean and slender as he raised his arms for his smashing service,
it was not young Vereker, but Michael, serious and beautiful. When young
Parsons leaped high into the air and thus returned Anthony's facetious
sky-scraper on the volley, that was Nicky. When young Norris turned and
ran at the top of his speed, and overtook the ball on its rebound from
the base line where young Vereker had planted it, when, as by a miracle,
he sent it backwards over his own head, paralysing Vereker and Parsons
with sheer astonishment, that was John.

       *       *       *       *       *

Her vision passed. She was leaning over Nicky now, Nicky so small in the
big bed. Nicky had moaned.

"Does it count if I make that little noise, Mummy? It sort of lets the
pain out."

"No, my lamb, it doesn't count. Is the pain very bad?"

"Yes, Mummy, awful. It's going faster and faster. And it bizzes. And
when it doesn't bizz, it thumps." He paused--"I think--p'raps--I could
bear it better if I sat on your knee."

Frances thought she could bear it better too. It would be good for Nicky
that he should grow into beautiful adolescence and a perfect manhood;
but it was better for her that he should be a baby still, that she
should have him on her knee and hold him close to her; that she should
feel his adorable body press quivering against her body, and the heat of
his earache penetrating her cool flesh. For now she was lost to herself
and utterly absorbed in Nicky. And her agony became a sort of ecstasy,
as if, actually, she bore his pain.

It was Anthony who could not stand it. Anthony had come in on his way to
his dressing-room. As he looked at Nicky his handsome, hawk-like face
was drawn with a dreadful, yearning, ineffectual pity. Frances had
discovered that her husband could both be and look pathetic. He had
wanted her to be sorry for him and she was sorry for him, because his
male pity was all agony; there was no ecstasy in it of any sort at all.
Nicky was far more her flesh and blood than he was Anthony's.

Nicky stirred in his mother's lap. He raised his head. And when he saw
that queer look on his father's face he smiled at it. He had to make the
smile himself, for it refused to come of its own accord. He made it
carefully, so that it shouldn't hurt him. But he made it so well that it
hurt Frances and Anthony.

"I never saw a child bear pain as Nicky does," Frances said in her
pride.

"If he can bear it, _I_ can't," said Anthony. And he stalked into his
dressing-room and shut the door on himself.

"Daddy minds more than you do," said Frances.

At that Nicky sat up. His eyes glittered and his cheeks burned with the
fever of his earache.

"I don't mind," he said. "Really and truly I don't mind. I don't care if
my ear _does_ ache.

"It's my eyes is crying, not me."

       *       *       *       *       *

At nine o'clock, when they were all sitting down to dinner, Nicky sent
for his father and mother. Something had happened.

Crackers, he said, had been going off in his ears, and they hurt most
awfully. And when it had done cracking his earache had gone away. And
Dorothy had brought him a trumpet from Rosalind's party and Michael a
tin train. And Michael had given him the train and he wouldn't take the
trumpet instead. Oughtn't Michael to have had the trumpet?

And when they left him, tucked up in his cot in the night nursery, he
called them back again.

"It was a jolly sell for me, wasn't it?" said Nicky. And he laughed.



IV

It seemed that Nicky would always be like that. Whatever happened, and
something was generally happening to him, he didn't care. When he scaled
the plaster flower-pot on the terrace, and it gave way under his assault
and threw him down the steps on to the gravel walk, he picked himself
up, displaying a forehead that was a red abrasion filled in with yellow
gravel and the grey dust of the smashed flower-pot, and said "I don't
care. I liked it," before anybody had time to pity him. When Mary-Nanna
stepped on his train and broke the tender, he said "It's all right. I
don't care. I shall make another." It was no use Grannie saying, "Don't
care came to a bad end"; Nicky made it evident that a bad end would be
life's last challenge not to care. No accident, however unforeseen,
would ever take him at a disadvantage.

Two years passed and he was just the same.

Frances and Anthony agreed behind his back that Nicky was adorable.

But his peculiar attitude to misfortune became embarrassing when you had
to punish him. Nicky could break the back of any punishment by first
admitting that it was a good idea and then thinking of a better one when
it was too late. It was a good idea not letting him have any cake for
tea after he had tested the resilience of the new tyres on his father's
bicycle with a penknife; but, Nicky said, it would have been more to
the purpose if they had taken his steam-engine from him for a week.

"You didn't think of that, did you, Mummy? I thought of it," said Nicky.

Once he ran away over the West Heath, and got into the Leg of Mutton
Pond, and would have been drowned if a total stranger hadn't gone in
after him and pulled him out. That time Nicky was sent to bed at four
o'clock in the afternoon. At seven, when his mother came to tuck him up
and say Good-night, she found him sitting up, smiling and ready.

"Mummy," he said, "I think I ought to tell you. It isn't a bit of good
sending me to bed."

"I should have thought it was, myself," said Frances. She almost
suspected Nicky of insincerity.

"So it would have been," he assented, "if I didn't 'vent things. You
see, I just lie still 'venting things all the time. I've 'vented three
things since tea: a thing to make Daddy's bikesickle stand still with
Daddy on it; a thing to squeeze corks out of bottles; and a thing to
make my steam-engine go faster. That isn't a punishment, is it, Mummy?"

       *       *       *       *       *

They said that Nicky would grow out of it. But two more years passed and
Nicky was still the same.

And yet he was not the same. And Dorothy, and Michael and John were not
the same.

For the awful thing about your children was that they were always dying.
Yes, dying. The baby Nicky was dead. The child Dorothy was dead and in
her place was a strange big girl. The child Michael was dead and in his
place was a strange big boy. And Frances mourned over the passing of
each age. You could no more bring back that unique loveliness of two
years old, of five years old, of seven, than you could bring back the
dead. Even John-John was not a baby any more; he spoke another language
and had other feelings; he had no particular affection for his mother's
knee. Frances knew that all this dying was to give place to a more
wonderful and a stronger life. But it was not the same life; and she
wanted to have all their lives about her, enduring, going on, at the
same time. She did not yet know that the mother of babies and the mother
of boys and girls must die if the mother of men and women is to be born.

Thoughts came to Frances now that troubled her tranquillity.

Supposing, after all, the children shouldn't grow up as she wanted them
to?

There was Nicky. She could do nothing with him; she could make no
impression on him.

There was Michael. She couldn't make him out. He loved them, and showed
that he loved them; but it was by caresses, by beautiful words, by rare,
extravagant acts of renunciation, inconsistent with his self-will; not
by anything solid and continuous. There was a softness in Michael that
distressed and a hardness that perplexed her. You could make an
impression on Michael--far too easily--and the impression stayed. You
couldn't obliterate it. Michael's memory was terrible. And he had secret
ways. He was growing more and more sensitive, more and more wrapped up
in Himself. Supposing Michael became a morbid egoist, like Anthony's
brother, Bartholomew?

And there was Dorothy. She went her own way more than ever, with the
absolute conviction that it was the right way. Nothing could turn her.
At thirteen her body was no longer obedient. Dorothy was not going to be
her mother's companion, or her father's, either; she was Rosalind
Jervis's companion. She seemed to care more about little fat, fluffy
Rosalind than about any of them except Nicky. Dorothy was interested in
Michael; she respected his queer thoughts. It was as if she recognized
some power in him that could beat her somewhere some day, and was humble
before a thing her cleverness had failed to understand. But it was Nicky
that she adored, not Michael; and she was bad for Nicky. She encouraged
his naughtiness because it amused her.

Frances foresaw that a time would come, a little later, when Nicky and
Dorothy would be companions, not Nicky and his mother.

In the evenings, coming home from the golf-links, Frances and Anthony
discussed their children.

Frances said, "You can't make any impression on Nicky. There seems to be
no way that you can get at him."

Anthony thought there was a way. It was a way he had not tried yet, that
he did not want to try. But, if he could only bring himself to it, he
judged that he could make a distinct impression.

"What the young rascal wants is a thorough good spanking," said Anthony.

Nicky said so too.

The first time he got it Nicky's criticism was that it wasn't a bad idea
if his father could have pulled it off all right. But he said, "It's no
good if you do it through the cloth. And it's no good unless you _want_
to hurt me, Daddy. And you don't want. And even if you did want, badly
enough to try and hurt, supposing you spanked ever so hard, you couldn't
hurt as much as my earache. And I can bear that."

"He's top dog again, you see," said Frances, not without a secret
satisfaction.

"Oh, is he?" said Anthony. "I don't propose to be downed by Nicky."

Every instinct in him revolted against spanking Nicky. But when
Williams, the groom, showed him a graze on each knee of the pony he had
bought for Frances and the children, Anthony determined that, this time,
Nicky should have a serious spanking.

"Which of them took Roger out?"

"I'm sure I don't know, sir," said Williams.

But Anthony knew. He lay in wait for Nicky by the door that led from the
stable yard into the kitchen garden.

Nicky was in the strawberry bed.

"Was it you who took Roger out this afternoon?"

Nicky did not answer promptly. His mouth was still full of strawberries.

"What if I did?" he said at last, after manifest reflection.

"If you did? Why, you let him down on Golders Hill and cut his knees."

"Holly Mount," said Nicky.

"Holly Mount or Golders Hill, it's all the same to you, you young
monkey."

"It isn't, Daddy. Holly Mount's much the worst. It's an awful hill."

"That," said Anthony, "is why you're forbidden to ride down it. You've
_got_ to be spanked for this, Nicky."

"Have I? All right. Don't look so unhappy, Daddy."

Anthony did much better this time. Nicky (though he shook with laughter)
owned it very handsomely. And Anthony had handicapped himself again by
doing it through the cloth. He drew the line at shaming Nicky.
(Yet--_could_ you have shamed his indomitable impudence?)

But he had done it. He had done it ruthlessly, while the strawberries
were still wet on Nicky's mouth.

And when it was all over Michael, looking for his father, came into the
school-room where these things happened. He said he was awfully sorry,
but he'd taken Roger out, and Roger had gone down on his knees and
cut himself.

No, it wasn't on Holly Mount, it was at the turn of the road on the hill
past the "Spaniards."

Anthony paid no attention to Michael. He turned on Michael's brother.

"Nicky, what did you do it for?"

"For a rag, of course. I knew you'd feel such a jolly fool when you
found it wasn't me."

"You see, Daddy," he explained later, "you might have known I wouldn't
have let Roger down. But wasn't it a ripping sell?"

"What are you to do," said Anthony, "with a boy like that?"

Frances had an inspiration. "Do nothing," she said. Her tranquillity
refused to be troubled for long together.

"Nicky's right. It's no good trying to punish him. After all, _why_
punish Nicky? It isn't as if he was really naughty. He never does unkind
things, or mean things. And he's truthful."

"Horribly truthful. They all are," said Anthony.

"Well, then, what does Nicky do?"

"He does dangerous things."

"He forgets."

"Nothing more dangerous than forgetting. We must punish him to make him
remember."

"But it doesn't make him remember. It only makes him think us fools."

"You know what it means?" said Anthony. "We shall have to send him to
school."

"Not yet," said Frances.

School was the thing in the future that she dreaded. Nicky was only
nine, and they were all getting on well with Mt. Parsons. Anthony knew
that to send Nicky to school now would be punishing Frances, not Nicky.
The little fiend would only grin in their faces if they told him he was
going to school.

It was no use trying to make impressions on Nicky. He was as hard as
nails. He would never feel things.

Perhaps, Frances thought, it was just as well.



V

"I do think it was nice of Jane," said Nicky, "to have Jerry."

"And I do think it was nice of me," said Dorothy, "to give him to you."

Jane was Dorothy's cat; therefore her kittens were Dorothy's.

"I wouldn't have given him to just anybody."

"I know," said Nicky.

"I might have kept him. He's the nicest kitten Jane ever had."

"I know," said Nicky. "It _was_ nice of you."

"I might want him back again."

"I--know."

Nicky was quiet and serious, almost humble, as if he went in the fear of
losing Jerry. Nobody but Jerry and Dorothy saw Nicky in that mood.

Not that he was really afraid. Nothing could take Jerry from him. If
Dorothy could have taken him back again she wouldn't have, not even if
she had really wanted him. Dorothy wasn't cruel, and she was
only ragging.

But certainly he was Jane's nicest kitten. Jane was half-Persian, white
with untidy tabby patterns on her. Jerry was black all over. Whatever
attitude he took, his tight, short fur kept the outlines of his figure
firm and clear, whether he arched his back and jumped sideways, or
rolled himself into a cushion, or squatted with haunches spread and
paws doubled in under his breast, or sat bolt upright with his four legs
straight like pillars, and his tail curled about his feet. Jerry's coat
shone like black looking-glass, and the top of his head smelt sweet,
like a dove's breast.

And he had yellow eyes. Mary-Nanna said they would turn green some day.
But Nicky didn't believe it. Mary-Nanna was only ragging. Jerry's eyes
would always be yellow.

Mr. Parsons declared that Nicky sat for whole hours meditating on Jerry,
as if in this way he could make him last longer.

Jerry's life was wonderful to Nicky. Once he was so small that his body
covered hardly the palm of your hand; you could see his skin; it felt
soft and weak through the thin fur, sleeked flat and wet where Jane had
licked it. His eyes were buttoned up tight. Then they opened. He crawled
feebly on the floor after Jane, or hung on to her little breasts,
pressing out the milk with his clever paws. Then Jerry got older.
Sometimes he went mad and became a bat or a bird, and flew up the
drawing-room curtains as if his legs were wings.

Nicky said that Jerry could turn himself into anything he pleased; a
hawk, an owl, a dove, a Himalayan bear, a snake, a flying squirrel, a
monkey, a rabbit, a panther, and a little black lamb of God.

Jerry was a cat now; he was two years old.

Jerry's fixed idea seemed to be that he was a very young cat, and that
he must be nursed continually, and that nobody but Nicky must nurse him.
Mr. Parsons found that Nicky made surprising progress in his Latin and
Greek that year. What had baffled Mr. Parsons up till now had been
Nicky's incapacity for sitting still. But he would sit still enough when
Jerry was on his knee, pressed tight between the edge of the desk and
Nicky's stomach, so that knowledge entered into Nicky through Jerry when
there was no other way.

Nicky would even sit still in the open air to watch Jerry as he stalked
bees in the grass, or played by himself, over and over again, his own
enchanted game. He always played it in the same way. He started from the
same clump in the border, to run in one long careening curve across the
grass; at the same spot in the lawn he bounded sideways and gave the
same little barking grunt and dashed off into the bushes. When you tried
to catch him midway he stood on his hind legs and bowed to you
slantwise, waving his forepaws, or rushed like lightning up the tree of
Heaven, and climbed into the highest branches and clung there, looking
down at you. His yellow eyes shone through the green leaves; they
quivered; they played; they mocked you with some challenge, some charm,
secret and divine and savage.

"The soul of Nicky is in that cat," Frances said.

Jerry knew that he was Nicky's cat. When other people caught him he
scrabbled over their shoulders with his claws and got away from them.
When Nicky caught him he lay quiet and heavy in his arms, pressing down
and spreading his soft body. Nicky's sense of touch had been hardened by
violent impacts and collisions, by experiments with jack-knives and saws
and chisels and gouges, and by struggling with the material of his
everlasting inventions. Through communion with Jerry it became tender
and sensitive again. It delighted in the cat's throbbing purr and the
thrill of his feet, as Jerry, serious and earnest, padded down his bed
on Nicky's knee.

"I like him best, though," said Nicky, "when he's sleepy and at the same
time bitesome."

"You mustn't let him bite you," Frances said.

"I don't mind," said Nicky. "He wouldn't do it if he didn't like me."

Jerry had dropped off to sleep with his jaws closing drowsily on Nicky's
arm. When it moved his hind legs kicked at it and tore.

"He's dreaming when he does that," said Nicky. "He thinks he's a panther
and I'm buffaloes."

Mr. Parsons laughed at him. "Nicky and his cat!" he said. Nicky didn't
care. Mr. Parsons was always ragging him.

The tutor preferred dogs himself. He couldn't afford any of the
expensive breeds; but that summer he was taking care of a Russian
wolfhound for a friend of his. When Mr. Parsons ran with Michael and
Nicky round the Heath, the great borzoi ran before them with long leaps,
head downwards, setting an impossible pace. Michael and Dorothy adored
Boris openly. Nicky, out of loyalty to Jerry, stifled a secret
admiration. For Mr. Parsons held that a devotion to a cat was
incompatible with a proper feeling for a dog, whence Nicky had inferred
that any feeling for a dog must do violence to the nobler passion.

Mr. Parsons tried to wean Nicky from what he pretended to regard as his
unmanly weakness. "Wait, Nicky," he said, "till you've got a dog of
your own."

"I don't want a dog of my own," said Nicky. "I don't want anything but
Jerry." Boris, he said, was not clever, like Jerry. He had a silly face.

"Think so?" said Mr. Parsons. "Look at his jaws. They could break
Jerry's back with one snap."

"_Could_ he, Daddy?"

They were at tea on the lawn, and Boris had gone to sleep under Mr.
Parsons' legs with his long muzzle on his forepaws.

"He could," said Anthony, "if he caught him."

"But he couldn't catch him. Jerry'd be up a tree before Boris could look
at him."

"If you want Jerry to shin up trees you must keep his weight down."

Nicky laughed. He knew that Boris could never catch Jerry. His father
was only ragging him.

       *       *       *       *       *

Nicky was in the schoolroom, bowed over his desk. He was doing an
imposition, the second aorist of the abominable verb [Greek: erchomai],
written out five and twenty times. (Luckily he could do the last fifteen
times from memory.)

Nicky had been arguing with Mr. Parsons. Mr. Parsons had said that the
second aorist of [Greek: erchomai] was not [Greek: êrchon].

Nicky had said, "I can't help it. If it's not [Greek: êrchon] it ought
to be."

Mr. Parsons had replied: "The verb [Greek: erchomai] is irregular." And
Nicky had retorted, in effect, that no verb had any business to be as
irregular as all that. Mr. Parsons had then suggested that Nicky might
know more about the business of irregular verbs if he wrote out the
second aorist of [Greek: erchomai] five and twenty times after tea. As
it was a particularly fine afternoon, an imposition was, Nicky admitted,
a score for Mr. Parsons and a jolly good sell for _him_.

Mr. Parsons had not allowed him to have Jerry on his knee, or even in
the room; and this, Nicky owned further, was but just. It wouldn't have
been nearly so good a punishment if he had had Jerry with him.

Nicky, bowed over his desk, struggled for the perfect legibility which
Mr. Parsons had insisted on, as otherwise the imposition would do him
more harm than good. He was in for it, and the thing must be done
honourably if it was done at all. He had only looked out of the windows
twice to make sure that Boris was asleep under Mr. Parsons' legs. And
once he had left the room to see where Jerry was. He had found him in
the kitchen garden, sitting on a bed of fresh-grown mustard and cress,
ruining it. He sat like a lamb, his forepaws crossed, his head tilted
slightly backwards. His yellow eyes gazed at Nicky with a sweet and
mournful innocence.

Nicky did not hear the voices in the garden.

"I'm awfully sorry, sir," Mr. Parsons was saying. "I can't think how it
could have happened." Mr. Parsons' voice was thick and his face was very
red. "I could have sworn the door was shut."

"Johnnie opened it," said Anthony. He seemed to have caught, suddenly,
one of his bad colds and to be giving it to Mr. Parsons. They were both
in their shirtsleeves, and Anthony carried something in his arms which
he had covered with his coat.

The borzoi stood in front of them. His face had a look of foolish
ecstasy. He stared at Mr. Parsons, and as he stared he panted. There was
a red smear on his white breast; his open jaws still dripped a pink
slaver. It sprayed the ground in front of them, jerked out with
his panting.

"Get away, you damned brute," said Mr. Parsons.

Boris abashed himself; he stretched out his fore legs towards Mr.
Parsons, shook his raised haunches, lifted up his great saw-like muzzle,
and rolled into one monstrous cry a bark, a howl, a yawn.

Nicky heard it, and he looked out of the schoolroom window. He saw the
red smear on the white curly breast. He saw his father in his shirt
sleeves, carrying something in his arms that he had covered with
his coat.

Under the tree of Heaven Dorothy and Michael, crouching close against
their mother, cried quietly. Frances was crying, too; for it was she who
would have to tell Nicky.

Dorothy tried to console him.

"Jerry's eyes would have turned green, if he had lived, Nicky. They
would, really."

"I wouldn't have minded. They'd have been Jerry's eyes."

"But he wouldn't have looked like Jerry."

"I wouldn't have cared what he looked like. He'd have _been_ Jerry."

"I'll give you Jane, Nicky, and all the kittens she ever has, if that
would make up."

"It wouldn't. You don't seem to understand that it's Jerry I want. I
wish you wouldn't talk about him."

"Very well," said Dorothy, "I won't."

Then Grannie tried. She recommended a holy resignation. God, she said,
had given Jerry to Nicky, and God had taken him away.

"He didn't give him me, and he'd no right to take him. Dorothy wouldn't
have done it. She was only ragging. But when God does things," said
Nicky savagely, "it isn't a rag."

He hated Grannie, and he hated Mr. Parsons, and he hated God. But he
loved Dorothy who had given him Jerry.

Night after night Frances held him in her arms at bed-time while Nicky
said the same thing. "If--if I could stop seeing him. But I keep on
seeing him. When he sat on the mustard and cress. And when he bit me
with his sleep-bites. And when he looked at me out of the tree of
Heaven. Then I hear that little barking grunt he used to make when he
was playing with himself--when he dashed off into the bushes.

"And I can't _bear_ it."

Night after night Nicky cried himself to sleep.

For the awful thing was that it had been all his fault. If he had kept
Jerry's weight down Boris couldn't have caught him.

"Daddy said so, Mummy."

Over and over again Frances said, "It wasn't your fault. It was
Don-Don's. He left the door open. Surely you can forgive Don-Don?" Over
and over again Nicky said, "I do forgive him."

But it was no good. Nicky became first supernaturally subdued and
gentle, then ill. They had to take him away from home, away from the
sight of the garden, and away from Mr. Parsons, forestalling the
midsummer holidays by two months.

Nicky at the seaside was troublesome and happy, and they thought he had
forgotten. But on the first evening at Hampstead, as Frances kissed him
Good-night, he said: "Shall I have to see Mr. Parsons to-morrow?"

Frances said: "Yes. Of course."

"I'd rather not."

"Nonsense, you must get over that."

"I--can't, Mummy."

"Oh, Nicky, can't you forgive poor Mr. Parsons? When he was so unhappy?"

Nicky meditated.

"Do you think," he said at last, "he really minded?"

"I'm sure he did."

"As much as you and Daddy?"

"Quite as much."

"Then," said Nicky, "I'll forgive him."

But, though he forgave John and Mr. Parsons and even God, who, to do him
justice, did not seem to have been able to help it, Nicky did not
forgive himself.

Yet Frances never could think why the sight of mustard and cress made
Nicky sick. Neither did Mr. Parsons, nor any schoolmaster who came after
him understand why, when Nicky knew all the rest of the verb [Greek:
erchomai] by heart he was unable to remember the second aorist.

He excellent memory, but there was always a gap in it just there.



VI

In that peace and tranquillity where nothing ever happened, Jerry's
violent death would have counted as an event, a date to reckon by; but
for three memorable things that happened, one after another, in the
summer and autumn of 'ninety-nine: the return of Frances's brother,
Maurice Fleming, from Australia where Anthony had sent him two years
ago, on the express understanding that he was to stay there; the
simultaneous arrival of Anthony's brother, Bartholomew, and his family;
and the outbreak of the Boer War.

The return of Morrie was not altogether unforeseen, and Bartholomew had
announced his coming well beforehand, but who could have dreamed that at
the end of the nineteenth century England would be engaged in a War that
really _was_ a War? Frances, with the _Times_ in her hands, supposed
that that meant more meddling and muddling of stupid politicians, and
that it would mean more silly speeches in Parliament, and copy, at last,
for foolish violent, pathetic and desperate editors, and breach of
promise cases, divorces and fires in paraffin shops reduced to momentary
insignificance.

But as yet there was no war, nor any appearance that sensible people
interpreted as a sign of war at the time of Morrie's return. It stood
alone, as other past returns, the return from Bombay, the return from
Canada, the return from Cape Colony, had stood, in its sheer awfulness.
To Frances it represented the extremity of disaster.

They might have known what was coming by Grannie's behaviour. One day,
the day when the Australian mail arrived, she had subsided suddenly into
a state of softness and gentleness. She approached her son-in-law with
an air of sorrowful deprecation; she showed a certain deference to her
daughter Louie; she was soft and gentle even with Emmeline and Edith.

Mrs. Fleming broke the news to Louie who broke it to Frances who in her
turn broke it to Anthony. That was the procedure they invariably
adopted.

"I wonder," Grannie said, "what he can be coming back for!" Each time
she affected astonishment and incredulity, as if Morrie's coming back
were, not a recurrence that crushed you with its flatness and staleness,
but a thing that must interest Louie because of its utter un-likeliness.

"I wonder," said Louie, "why he hasn't come before. What else did you
expect?"

"I'm sure I don't know," said Grannie helplessly. "Go and tell Frances."

Louie went. And because she knew that the burden of Morrie would fall
again on Frances's husband she was disagreeable with Frances.

"It's all very well for you," she said. "You haven't got to live with
him. You haven't got to sleep in the room next him. You don't know what
it's like."

"I do know," said Frances. "I remember. You'll have to bear it."

"You haven't had to bear it for fourteen years."

"You'll have to bear it," Frances repeated, "till Anthony sends him out
again. That's all it amounts to."

She waited till the children were in bed and she was alone with Anthony.

"Something awful's happened," she said, and paused hoping he would
guess.

"I don't know how to tell you."

"Don't tell me if it's that Nicky's been taking my new bike to pieces."

"It isn't Nicky--It's Maurice."

Anthony got up and cleared his pipe, thoroughly and deliberately. She
wondered whether he had heard.

"I'd no business to have married you--to have let you in for him."

"Why? What's he been up to now?"

"He's coming home."

"So," said Anthony, "is Bartholomew. I'd no business to have let you in
for _him_."

"Don't worry, Frances. If Morrie comes home he'll be sent out again,
that's all."

"At your expense."

"I don't grudge any expense in sending Morrie out. Nor in keeping him
out."

"Yes. But this time it's different. It's worse."

"Why worse?"

"Because of the children. They're older now than they were last time.
They'll understand."

"What if they do? They must learn," Anthony said, "to realize facts."

They realized them rather sooner than he had expected. Nobody but Louie
had allowed for the possibility of Morrie's sailing by the same steamer
as his letter; and Louie had argued that, if he had done so, he was
bound either to have arrived before the letter or to have sent a wire.
Therefore they had at least a clear five days of peace before them.
Anthony thought he had shown wisdom when, the next morning which was a
Wednesday, he sent Grannie and the Aunties to Eastbourne for a week, so
that they shouldn't worry Frances, and when on Thursday he made her go
with him for a long day in the country, to take her mind off Morrie.

They came back at nine in the evening and found Dorothy, Michael and
Nicholas sitting up for them. Michael and Nicky were excited, but
Dorothy looked grown-up and important.

"Uncle Morrie's come," they said.

"Dorothy saw him first--"

"Nicky let him in--"

"He hadn't got a hat on."

"We kept him in the schoolroom till Nanna could come and put him to
bed."

"He was crying because he'd been to Grannie's house and there wasn't
anybody there--"

"And because he'd lost the love-birds he'd brought for Auntie Emmy--"

"And because he couldn't remember which of us was dead."

"No, Mummy, nobody's seen him but us and Nanna."

"Nanna's with him now."

Uncle Morrie never accounted, even to himself, for the time he had spent
between the arrival of his ship at Tilbury on Sunday morning and that
Saturday afternoon. Neither could he remember what had become of his
luggage or whether he had ever had any. Only the County Council man,
going his last rounds in the farthest places of the Heath, came upon a
small bundle tied in a blue handkerchief, a cap belonging to E.D.
Boulger, of the S.S. _Arizona_, a cage of love-birds, and a distinct
impression of a recumbent human form, on the grass together, under a
young birch tree.

In the stuffy little house behind the Judge's Walk the four women lived
now under male protection. When they crossed the Heath they had no
longer any need to borrow Anthony from Frances; they had a man of their
own. To make room for him Auntie Louie and her type-writer were turned
out of their own place, and Auntie Louie had to sleep in Grannie's bed,
a thing she hated. To make room for the type-writer the grey parrot was
turned out of the dining-room into the drawing-room. And as Maurice
couldn't stand either the noise of the type-writer or the noises of the
parrot he found both the dining-room and the drawing-room uninhabitable.

Day after day Dorothy and Michael and Nicky, on the terrace, looked out
for his coming. (Only extreme distance made Uncle Morrie's figure small
and harmless and pathetic.) Day after day he presented himself with an
air of distinction and assurance, flushed, and a little battered, but
still handsome, wearing a spruce grey suit and a panama hat bought with
Anthony's money. Sheep-farming in Australia--he had infinitely preferred
the Cape Mounted Police--had ruined Maurice's nerves. He was good for
nothing but to lounge in Anthony's garden, to ride his horses--it was
his riding that had got him into the Cape Mounted Police--to sit at his
table and drink his wines, and, when there was no more wine for him, to
turn into Jack Straw's Castle for a pick-me-up on his way home.

And before July was out three others were added to the garden group:
Bartholomew and Vera and Veronica. And after them a fourth, Vera's
friend, Captain Ferdinand Cameron, home on sick leave before anybody
expected him.

Frances's tree of Heaven sheltered them all.



VII

Bartholomew, Anthony's brother, lived in Bombay and looked after his
business for him in the East. He had something the matter with him, and
he had come home to look after his own health. At least, Bartholomew's
health was what he was supposed to be looking after; but Dorothy had
heard her father say that Bartie had come home to look after Vera.

Vera was Bartie's wife and Veronica's mother. Before she became Mrs.
Bartholomew Harrison she had been Frances's schoolfellow and her dearest
friend. Frances Fleming had been her bridesmaid and had met Anthony for
the first time at Vera's wedding, when he had fallen in love with her;
and she had fallen in love with him when they stayed together in
Bartholomew's house, before Bartholomew took Vera to Bombay.

Bartie had not been married ten months before he wanted to get Vera out
of England; and Vera had not been in India for ten weeks before he
wanted her to go back. They were always coming backwards and forwards,
but they never came together. Vera would be sent home first, and then
Bartie would come over in a great hurry and take her out again.

Twelve years after their marriage Veronica was born at Simla, and the
coming and going ceased for three years. Then Bartie sent them both
home. That time Vera had refused to travel farther westward than
Marseilles. She was afraid of damp and cold, and she had got the ship's
doctor to order her to the Riviera. She and Veronica had been living for
two years in a small villa at Agaye.

This summer she had come to England. She was no longer afraid of damp
and cold. And Bartie followed her.

Dorothy and Michael had no difficulty in remembering Vera, though it was
more than six years since they had seen her; for Vera looked the same.
Her hair still shone like copper-beech leaves; her face had still the
same colour and the same sweet, powdery smell. And if these things had
changed Frances would still have known her by her forehead that looked
so broad because her eyebrows and her eyes were so long, and by her
fine, unfinished, passionate mouth, by her pointed chin and by her ways.

But though her brother-in-law's ways had always been more or less
disagreeable, Frances was not prepared for the shock of the renewed
encounter with Bartholomew. Bartie was long and grey, and lean even when
you allowed for the thickness of his cholera belt. He wore a white scarf
about his throat, for his idea was that he had cancer in it. Cancer made
you look grey. He, too, had the face of a hawk, of a tired and irritable
hawk. It drooped between his hunched shoulders, his chin hanging above
the scarf as if he were too tired or too irritable to hold it up. He
behaved to Vera and Veronica as if it was they who had worried him into
cancer of the throat, they who tired and irritated him.

Vera talked to him as you might talk to a sick child whose peevishness
prolongs, unreasonably, its pain. Bartie's manner almost amounted to a
public repudiation of her. The whole house vibrated to the shutting of
his door at Good-night time. Yet when Bartie came down in the morning,
late, and more morose than ever, Vera's mouth made as if it kissed some
visionary image of the poor thing's absurdity. She didn't believe for
one minute in his cancer. It was an excuse for the shutting of his door.

She kept out of his way as much as possible; yet, when they were
together they watched each other. They watched; Bartie openly with
sudden dartings and swoopings of his hawk's eyes; Vera furtively. Her
eyes were so large and long that, without turning her head, or any
visible movement, they could hold his image.

But for Captain Cameron Vera's eyes had a full, open gaze. Spread wide
apart under her wide forehead they were like dark moth's wings; they
hovered, rested, flickering, vibrating to the fine tips of
their corners.

Whatever had been the matter with him in India, Captain Cameron had
recovered. His keen, fair, Highland face made Bartie's face look
terrible. Ferdie was charming; not more charming to Bartie's wife than
he was to Frances; not more charming to Frances than to her sisters; so
that even Louie unbent, and Emmeline and Edith fell in love with him. He
flirted with Frances under Anthony's nose; and with the Aunties under
Grannie's nose. The corners of Vera's mouth followed the tilt of her
long eyes' corners as she saw him do it.

You could not think of Vera as the children's Auntie, or as Bartie's
wife, or as Veronica's mother.

Veronica was a very little girl who sang songs and was afraid of
ghosts.

She slept in her mother's room, and so never could be put to bed till
half-past seven, or till her mother was dressed to the last hook of her
gown, the last hairpin, the last touch of powder (adhesive without
bismuth), and the last shadow drawn fine about her eyelashes. When Vera
beautiful in a beautiful gown, came trailing into the room where
everybody waited for her, Veronica hid herself behind Uncle Anthony's
big chair. When her father told her to come out of that and say
good-night and be quick about it, she came slowly (she was not in the
least afraid of Bartie), showing herself bit by bit, honey-coloured
hair, eyebrows dark under her gold, very dark against her white;
sorrowful, transparent, lucid eyes. A little girl with a straight white
face. A little, slender girl in a straight white frock. She stood by
Anthony's chair, spinning out the time, smiling at him with her childish
wavering mouth, a smile that would not spread, that never went higher
than the tip of her white nose, that left her lucid, transparent eyes
still sorrowful.

She knew that Anthony would take her on his knee, and that she could sit
there with her head tucked under his chin, smiling at him, prolonging
her caresses, till Vera told him to put her down and let her go.

Bartie growled: "Did you hear your mother telling you to say
Good-night?"

"Yes. But I must kiss Uncle Anthony first. Properly. Once on his mouth.
Once--on his nose. And once--on--his--eyes. And--once--on--his dear
little--ears."

After that, Veronica went slowly from chair to chair, lingering at each,
sitting first on Frances's lap, then on Vera's, spinning out her
caresses, that spun out the time and stretched it farther and farther
between her and the unearthly hour ahead of her.

But at her father's chair she did not linger for a single instant. She
slipped her hand into his hand that dropped it as if it had hurt him;
she touched his forehead with her small mouth, pushed out, absurdly, to
keep her face as far as possible from his. For, though she was not
afraid of Bartie, he was not nice either to sit on or to kiss.

Half-way across the room she lingered.

"I haven't sung 'London Bridge is broken down.' Don't you want me to
sing it?"

"No, darling. We want you to go to bed."

"I'm going, Mummy."

And at the door she turned and looked at them with her sorrowful, lucid,
transparent eyes.

Then she went, leaving the door open behind her. She left it open on
purpose, so that she might hear their voices, and look down into the
room on her way upstairs. Besides, she always hoped that somebody would
call her back again.

She lingered at the foot of the stairs till Bartie got up and shut the
door on her. She lingered at the turn of the stairs and on the landing.
But nobody ever called her back again.

And nobody but Nicky knew what she was afraid of.

Veronica was sitting up in the cot that used to be Nicky's when he was
little. Nicky, rather cold in his pyjamas, sat on the edge of it beside
her. A big, yellow, tremendous moon hung in the sky outside the window,
behind a branch of the tree of Heaven, and looked at them.

Veronica crouched sideways on her pillow in a corner of the cot, her
legs doubled up tight under her tiny body, her shoulders hunched
together, and her thin arms hanging before her straight to her lap. Her
honey coloured hair was parted and gathered into two funny plaits, that
stuck out behind her ear. Her head was tilted slightly backwards to rest
against the rail of the cot. She looked at Nicky and her look reminded
him of something, he couldn't remember what.

"Were you ever afraid, Nicky?" she said.

Nicky searched his memory for some image encircled by an atmosphere of
terror, and found there a white hound with red smears on his breast and
a muzzle like two saws.

"Yes," he said, "I was once."

A lamb--a white lamb--was what Veronica looked like. And Jerry bad
looked at him like that when he found him sitting on the mustard and
cress the day Boris killed him.

"Afraid--what of?"

"I don't know that it was 'of' exactly."

"Would you be afraid of a ghost, now, if you saw one?"

"I expect I jolly well should, if I _really_ saw one."

"Being afraid of ghosts doesn't count, does it?"

"No, of course it doesn't. You aren't afraid as long as I'm here, are
you?"

"No."

"I shall stay, then, till you go to sleep."

Night after night he heard her calling to him, "Nicky, I'm frightened."
Nobody but Veronica and Nicky were ever in bed on that floor before
midnight. Night after night he got up and came to her and stayed beside
her till she went to sleep.

Once he said, "If it was Michael he could tell you stories."

"I don't _want_ Michael. I want you."

In the day-time she went about looking for him. "Where's Nicky?" she
said. "I want him."

"Nicky's in the schoolroom. You can't have him."

"But--I _want_ him."

"Can't be helped. You must do without him."

"Will he be very long?"

"Yes, ever so long. Run away like a good little girl and play with
Don-Don."

She knew that they told her to play with Don-Don, because she was a
little girl. If only she could grow big quick and be the same age
as Nicky.

Instead of running away and playing with Don-Don, Ronny went away by
herself into the apple-tree house, to wait for Nicky.

The apple-tree house stood on the grass-plot at the far end of the
kitchen garden. The apple-tree had had no apples on it for years. It was
so old that it leaned over at a slant; it stretched out two great boughs
like twisted arms, and was propped up by a wooden post under each
armpit. The breast of its trunk rested on a cross-beam. The posts and
the cross-beam were the doorway of the house, and the branches were its
roof and walls. Anthony had given it to Veronica to live in, and
Veronica had given it to Nicky. It was Nicky's and Ronny's house. The
others were only visitors who were not expected to stay. There was room
enough for them both to stand up inside the doorway, to sit down in the
middle, and to lie flat at the far end.

"What more," said Nicky, "do you want?"

He thought that everybody would be sure to laugh at him when he played
with Bonny in the apple-tree house.

"I don't care a ram if they do," he said. But nobody ever did, not even
Mr. Parsons.

Only Frances, when she passed by that way and saw Nicky and Bonny
sitting cramped and close under their roof-tree, smiled unwillingly. But
her smile had in it no sort of mockery at all. Nicky wondered why.

"Is it," said Dorothy one morning, "that Ronny doesn't look as if she
was Uncle Bartie's daughter, or that Uncle Bartie looks as if he wasn't
Ronny's father?"

However suddenly and wantonly an idea struck Dorothy, she brought it out
as if it had been the result of long and mature consideration.

"Or is it," said Vera, "that I don't look as if I were Ronny's mother?"

Her eyes had opened all their length to take in Dorothy.

"No. I think it is that Uncle Bartie looks--"

Frances rushed in. "It doesn't matter, my dear, what you think."

"It will some day," said Dorothy.

It was perhaps the best thing she could have said, as showing that she
was more interested in the effect she would produce some day than in the
sensation she had created there and then.

"May I go round to Rosalind's after lessons?"

"You may."

"And may I stay to lunch if they ask me?"

"You may stay as long as they care to have you. Stay to tea, stay to
dinner, if you like."

Dorothy knew by the behaviour of her mother's face that she had scored
somewhere, somehow. She also knew that she was in disgrace and yet not
in disgrace; which, if you came to think of it, was a funny thing.

About this time Frances began to notice a symptom in herself. She was
apt to resent it when Vera discussed her children with her. One late
afternoon she and Anthony were alone with Vera. Captain Cameron had not
come round that day, and Bartie had gone into town to consult either his
solicitor or a specialist. He was always consulting one or the other.

"You're wrong, you two," said Vera. "You think Michael's tender and
Nicky's hard and unimpressionable. Michael's hard. You won't have to
bother about Michael's feelings."

"Michael's feelings," said Frances, "are probably what I shall have to
bother about more than anything."

"You needn't. For one thing, they'll be so unlike your feelings that you
won't know whether they're feelings at all. You won't even know whether
he's having them or not. Nicky's the one you'll have to look out for.
He'll go all the howlers."

"I don't think that Nicky'll be very susceptible. He hasn't shown any
great signs so far."

"Hasn't he! Nicky's susceptibility is something awful."

"My dear Vera, you say yourself you don't care about children and that
you don't understand them."

"No more I do," said Vera. "But I understand men."

"Do you understand Veronica?"

"Of course I don't. I said men. Veronica's a girl. Besides, I'm
Veronica's mother."

"Nicky," said Anthony, "is not much more than nine."

"You keep on thinking of him as a child--a child--nothing but a child.
Wait till Nicky has children of his own. Then you'll know."

"They would be rather darlings, Nicky's children," Frances said.

"So would Veronica's."

"Ver-onica?"

You needn't be frightened. Nicky's affection for Ronny is purely
paternal."

"I'm not frightened," said Frances. But she left the room. She did not
care for the turn the talk had taken. Besides, she wanted Vera to see
that she was not afraid to leave her alone with Anthony.

"I'm glad Frances has gone," said Vera, "because I want to talk to you.
You'd never have known each other if it hadn't been for me. She couldn't
have married you. It was I who saw you both through."

He assented.

"And you said if there was ever anything you could do for me--You
haven't by any chance forgotten?"

"I have not."

"Well, if anything should happen to me--"

"But, my dear girl, what _should_ happen to you?"

"Things _do_ happen, Anthony."

"Yes, but how about Bartie?"

"That's it. Supposing we separated."

"Good Heavens, you're not contemplating _that_, are you?"

"I'm not contemplating anything. But Bartie isn't very easy to live
with, is he?"

"No, he's not. He never was. All the same--"

Bartie was impossible. Between the diseases he had and thought he hadn't
and the diseases he hadn't and thought he had, he made life miserable
for himself and other people. He was a jealous egoist; he had the morbid
coldness of the neurotic, and Vera was passionate. She ought never to
have married him. All the same--"

"All the same I shall stick to Bartie as long as it's possible. And as
long as it's possible Bartie'll stick to me. But, if anything happens I
want you to promise that you'll take Ronny."

"You must get Frances to promise."

"She'll do anything you ask her to, Anthony."

When Frances came into the room again Vera was crying.

And so Frances promised.

     "'London Bridge is broken down
     (_Ride over My Lady Leigh_!)

       *       *       *       *       *

     "'Build it up with stones so strong--

       *       *       *       *       *

     "'Build it up with gold so fine'"--

It was twenty to eight and Ronny had not so much as begun to say Good
night. She was singing her sons to spin out the time.

     "'London Bridge--'"

"That'll do, Ronny, it's time you were in bed."

There was no need for her to linger and draw out her caresses, no need
to be afraid of going to bed alone. Frances, at Vera's request, had had
her cot moved up into the night nursery.



VIII

Anthony had begun to wonder where on earth he should send Morrie out to
this time, when the Boer War came and solved his problem.

Maurice, joyous and adventurous again, sent himself to South Africa, to
enlist in the Imperial Light Horse.

Ferdie Cameron went out also with the Second Gordon Highlanders,
solving, perhaps, another problem.

"It's no use trying to be sorry, Mummy," Dorothy said.

Frances knew what Anthony was thinking, and Anthony knew it was what
Frances thought herself: Supposing this time Morrie didn't come back?
Then that problem would be solved for ever. Frances hated problems when
they worried Anthony. Anthony detested problems when they
bothered Frances.

And the children knew what they were thinking. Dorothy went on.

"It's all rot pretending that we want him to come back."

"It was jolly decent of him to enlist," said Nicky.

Dorothy admitted that it was jolly decent. "But," she said, "what else
could he do? His only chance was to go away and do something so jolly
plucky that _we_'re ashamed of ourselves, and never to come back again
to spoil it. You don't want him to spoil it, Mummy ducky, do you?"

Anthony and Frances tried, conscientiously and patriotically, to
realize the Boer War. They said it was terrible to have it hanging over
them, morning, noon and night. But it didn't really hang over them. It
hung over a country that, except once when it had conveniently swallowed
up Morrie, they had never thought about and could not care for, a
landscape that they could not see. The war was not even part of that
landscape; it refused to move over it in any traceable course. It simply
hung, or lay as one photographic film might lie upon another. It was not
their fault. They tried to see it. They bought the special editions of
the evening papers; they read the military dispatches and the stories of
the war correspondents from beginning to end; they stared blankly at the
printed columns that recorded the disasters of Nicholson's Nek, and
Colenso and Spion Kop. But the forms were grey and insubstantial; it was
all fiat and grey like the pictures in the illustrated papers; the very
blood of it ran grey.

It wasn't real. For Frances the brown walls of the house, the open wings
of its white shutters, the green garden and tree of Heaven were real; so
were Jack Straw's Castle and Harrow on the Hill; morning and noon and
night were real, and getting up and dressing and going to bed; most real
of all the sight and sound and touch of her husband and her children.

Only now and then the vision grew solid and stood firm. Frances carried
about with her distinct images of Maurice, to which she could attach the
rest. Thus she had an image of Long Tom, an immense slender muzzle,
tilted up over a high ridge, nosing out Maurice.

Maurice was shut up in Ladysmith.

"Don't worry, Mummy. That'll keep him out of mischief. Daddy said he
ought to be shut up somewhere."

"He's starving, Dorothy. He won't have anything to eat."

"Or drink, ducky."

"Oh, you're cruel! Don't be cruel!"

"I'm not cruel. If I didn't care so awfully for you, Mummy, I shouldn't
mind whether he came back or didn't. _You_'re cruel. You ought to think
of Grannie and Auntie Louie and Auntie Emmy and Auntie Edie."

"At the moment," said Frances, "I am thinking of Uncle Morrie."

She was thinking of him, not as he actually was, but as he had been, as
a big boy like Michael, as a little boy like John, two years younger
than she; a little boy by turns spoiled and thwarted, who contrived,
nevertheless, to get most things that he happened to want by crying for
them, though everybody else went without. And in the grown-up Morrie's
place, under the shells of Ladysmith, she saw Nicky.

For Nicky had declared his intention of going into the Army.

"And I'm thinking of Morrie," Dorothy said. "I don't want him to miss
it."

Frances and Anthony had hung out flags for Mafeking; Dorothy and Nicky,
mounted on bicycles, had been careering through the High Street with
flags flying from their handlebars. Michael was a Pro-Boer and flew no
flags. All these things irritated Maurice.

He had come back again. He had missed it, as he had missed all the
chances that were ever given him. A slight wound kept him in hospital
throughout the greater part of the siege, and he had missed the sortie
of his squadron and the taking of the guns for which Ferdie Cameron got
his promotion and his D.S.O. He had come back in the middle of the war
with nothing but a bullet wound in his left leg to prove that he had
taken part in it.

The part he had taken had not sobered Maurice. It had only depressed
him. And depression after prolonged, brutal abstinence broke down the
sheer strength by which sometimes he stretched a period of sobriety
beyond its natural limits.

For there were two kinds of drinking: great drinking that came seldom
and was the only thing that counted, and ordinary drinking that, though
it went on most of the time, brought no satisfaction and didn't count at
all. And there were two states of drunkenness to correspond: one intense
and vivid, without memory, transcending all other states; and one that
was no more remarkable than any other. Before the war Morrie's great
drinking came seldom, by fits and bursts and splendid unlasting
uprushes; after the war the two states tended to approach till they
merged in one continual sickly soaking. And while other important and
outstanding things, and things that he really wanted to remember,
disappeared in the poisonous flood let loose in Morrie's memory, he
never for one moment lost sight of the fact that it was he and not
Anthony, his brother-in-law, who had enlisted and was wounded.

He was furious with his mother and sisters for not realizing the war. He
was furious with Frances and Anthony. Not realizing the war meant not
realizing what he had been through. He swore by some queer God of his
that he would make them realize it. The least they could do for him was
to listen to what he had to say.

"You people here don't know what war is. You think it's all glory and
pluck, and dashing out and blowing up the enemy's guns, and the British
flag flying, and wounded pipers piping all the time and not caring a
damn. Nobody caring a damn.

"And it isn't. It's dirt and funk and stinks and more funk all the time.
It's lying out all night on the beastly veldt, and going to sleep and
getting frozen, and waking up and finding you've got warm again because
your neighbour's inside's been fired out on the top of you. You get
wounded when the stretcher-bearers aren't anywhere about, and you crawl
over to the next poor devil and lie back to back with him to keep warm.
And just when you've dropped off to sleep you wake up shivering, because
he's died of a wound he didn't know he'd got.

"You'll find a chap lying on his back all nice and comfy, and when you
start to pick him up you can't lift him because his head's glued to the
ground. You try a bit, gently, and the flesh gives way like rotten
fruit, and the bone like a cup you've broken and stuck together without
any seccotine, and you heave up a body with half a head on it. And all
the brains are in the other half, the one that's glued down. That's war.

"Huh!" He threw out his breath with a jerk of contempt. It seemed to him
that neither Frances nor Anthony was listening to him. They were not
looking at him. They didn't want to listen; they didn't want to look at
him. He couldn't touch them; he couldn't evoke one single clear image in
their minds; there was no horror he could name that would sting them to
vision, to realization. They had not been there.

Dorothy and Michael and Nicky were listening. The three kids had
imagination; they could take it in. They stared as if he had brought
those horrors into the room. But even they missed the reality of it.
They saw everything he meant them to see, except him. It was as if they
were in the conspiracy to keep him out of it.

He glared at Frances and Anthony. What was the good of telling them, of
trying to make them realize it? If they'd only given some sign, made
some noise or some gesture, or looked at him, he might have spared them.
But the stiff, averted faces of Frances and Anthony annoyed him.

"And if you're a poor wretched Tommy like me, you'll have to sweat in a
brutal sun, hauling up cases of fizz from the railway up country to
Headquarters, with a thirst on you that frizzles your throat. You see
the stuff shining and spluttering, and you go mad. You could kill the
man if you were to see him drink it, when you know there's nothing for
_you_ but a bucket of green water with typhoid germs swimming about in
it. That's war.

"You think you're lucky if you're wounded and get bumped down in a
bullock wagon thirty miles to the base hospital. But the best thing you
can do then is to pop off. For if you get better they make you hospital
orderly. And the hospital orderly has to clean up all the muck of the
butcher's shop from morning to night. When you're so sick you can't
stand you get your supper, dry bread and bully beef. The bully beef
reminds you of things, and the bread--well, the bread's all nice and
white on the top. But when you turn it over on the other side--it's red.
That's war."

Frances looked at him. He thought: "At last she's turned; at last I've
touched her; she can realize that."

"Morrie dear, it must have been awful," she said. "It's _too_ awful. I
don't mind your telling me and Anthony about it; but I'd rather you did
it when the children aren't in the room."

"Is that all you think about? The children? The children. You don't care
a tinker's cuss about the war. You don't care a damn what happens to me
or anybody else. What does it matter who's wounded or who's killed, as
long as it isn't one of your own kids?

"I'm simply trying to tell you what war _is_. It's dirt and stink and
funk. That's all it is. And there's precious little glory in it, Nicky."

"If the Boers won there would be glory," Michael said.

"Not even if the Boers won," said Maurice.

"Certainly not if the Boers won," said Anthony.

"You'll say next there'd be no glory if there was war between England
and Ireland and the Irish won. And yet there would be glory."

"Would there? Go and read history and don't talk rot."

"I have read it," said Michael.

Frances thought: "He doesn't know what he's talking about. Why should
he? He's barely thirteen. I can't think where he gets these ideas from.
But he'll grow out of them."

It was not Maurice that she saw in Maurice's war-pictures. But he had
made them realize what war was; and they vowed that as long as they
lived not one of their sons should have anything to do with it.

       *       *       *       *       *

In the spring of nineteen-one Anthony sent Maurice out to California.
The Boer War was ended.

Another year, and the vision of war passed from Frances as if it had
never been.



IX

Michael was unhappy.

The almond trees flowered in front of the white houses in the strange
white streets.

White squares, white terraces, white crescents; at the turn of the roads
the startling beauty of the trees covered with pink blossoms, hot
against the hot white walls.

After the pink blossoms, green leaves and a strange white heat
everywhere. You went, from pavements burning white, down long avenues
grey-white under the shadows of the limes.

A great Promenade going down like a long green tunnel, from the big
white Hotel at the top to the High Street at the bottom of the basin
where the very dregs of the heat sank and thickened.

Promenade forbidden for no earthly reason that Michael could see, except
that it was beautiful. Hotel where his father gave him dinner on his
last day of blessed life, telling him to choose what he liked best, as
the condemned criminal chooses his last meal on the day they hang him.

Cleeve Hill and Battledown and Birdlip, and the long rampart of
Leckhampton, a thin, curling bristle of small trees on the edge of it;
forms that made an everlasting pattern on his mind; forms that haunted
him at night and tempted and tormented him all day. Memory which it
would have been better for him if he had not had, of the raking open
country over the top, of broad white light and luminous blue shadows, of
white roads switchbacking through the sheep pastures; fields of bright
yellow mustard in flower on the lower hills; then, rectangular fir
plantations and copses of slender beech trees in the hollows. Somewhere,
far-off, the Severn, faint and still, like a river in a dream.

Memory of the round white town in the round pit of the valley, shining,
smoking through the thick air and the white orchard blossoms; memory
saturated by a smell that is like no other smell on earth, the delicate
smell of the Midland limestone country, the smell of clean white dust,
and of grass drying in the sun and of mustard flowers.

Michael was in Cheltenham.

It was a matter of many unhappinesses, not one unhappiness. A sudden
intolerable unhappiness, the flash and stab of the beauty of the
almond-flowers, seen in passing and never seized, beauty which it would
have been better for him if he had not seen; the knowledge, which he
ought never to have had, that this beauty had to die, was killed because
he had not seized it, when, if he could but have held it for one minute,
it would have been immortal. A vague, light unhappiness that came
sometimes, could not for the life of him think why, from the sight of
his own body stripped, and from the feeling of his own muscles. There
was sadness for him in his very strength. A long, aching unhappiness
that came with his memory of the open country over the tops of the
hills, which, in their incredible stupidity and cruelty, they had let
him see. A quick, lacerating unhappiness when he thought of his mother,
and of the garden on the Heath, and the high ridge of the Spaniards'
Road, and London below it, immense and beautiful.

The unhappiness of never being by himself.

He was afraid of the herd. It was with him night and day. He was afraid
of the thoughts, the emotions that seized it, swaying, moving the
multitude of undeveloped souls as if they had been one monstrous,
dominating soul. He was afraid of their voices, when they chanted, sang
and shouted together. He loathed their slang even when he used it. He
disliked the collective, male odour of the herd, the brushing against
him of bodies inflamed with running, the steam of their speed rising
through their hot sweaters; and the smell of dust and ink and
india-rubber and resinous wood in the warm class-rooms.

Michael was at school.

The thing he had dreaded, that had hung over him, threatening him for
years before it happened, had happened. Nothing could have prevented it;
their names had been down for Cheltenham long ago; first his, then
Nicky's. Cheltenham, because Bartie and Vera lived there, and because it
had a college for girls, and Dorothy, who wanted to go to Roedean, had
been sent to Cheltenham, because of Bartie and Vera and for no other
reason. First Dorothy; then, he, Michael; then, the next term, Nicky.
And Nicky had been sent (a whole year before his time) because of
Michael, in the hope that Michael would settle down better if he had his
brother with him. It didn't seem reasonable.

Not that either Dorothy or Nicky minded when they got there. All that
Nicky minded was not being at Hampstead. Being at Cheltenham he did not
mind at all. He rather liked it, since Major Cameron had come to stay
just outside it--on purpose to annoy Bartie--and took them out riding.
Even Michael did not mind Cheltenham more than any other place his
people might have chosen. He was not unreasonable. All he asked was to
be let alone, and to have room to breathe and get ahead in. As it was,
he had either to go with the school mass, or waste energy in resisting
its poisonous impact.

He had chosen resistance.


     TUDOR HOUSE.
          CHELTENHAM,
               _Sunday_.

DEAREST MOTHER:

I've put Sunday on this letter, though it's really Friday, because I'm
supposed to be writing it on Sunday when the other fellows are writing.
That's the beastly thing about this place, you're expected to do
everything when the other fellows are doing it, whether you want to or
not, as if the very fact that they're doing it too didn't make you
hate it.

I'm writing now because I simply must. If I waited till Sunday I
mightn't want to, and anyhow I shouldn't remember a single thing I meant
to say. Even now Johnson minor's digging his skinny elbows into one side
of me, and Hartley major's biting the feathers off his pen and spitting
them out again on the other. But they're only supposed to be doing Latin
verse, so it doesn't matter so much. What I mean is it's as if their
beastly minds kept on leaking into yours till you're all mixed up with
them. That's why I asked Daddy to take me away next term. You see--it's
more serious than he thinks--it is, really. You've no idea what it's
like. You've got to swot every blessed thing the other fellows swot
even if you can't do it, and whether it's going to be any good to you or
not. Why, you're expected to sleep when they're sleeping, even if the
chap next you snores. Daddy _might_ remember that it's Nicky who likes
mathematics, not me. It's all very well for Nicky when he wants to go
into the Army all the time. There are things _I_ want to do. I want to
write and I'm going to write. Daddy can't keep me off it. And I don't
believe he'd want to if he understood. There's nothing else in the world
I'll ever be any good at.

And there are things I want to know. I want to know Greek and Latin and
French and German and Italian and Spanish, and Old French and Russian
and Chinese and Japanese, oh, and Provençal, and every blessed language
that has or has had a literature. I can learn languages quite fast. Do
you suppose I've got a chance of knowing one of them--really
knowing--even if I had the time? Not much. And that's where being here's
so rotten. They waste your time as if it was theirs, not yours. They've
simply no notion of the value of it. They seem to think time doesn't
matter because you're young. Fancy taking three months over a Greek play
you can read in three hours. That'll give you some idea.

It all comes of being in a beastly form and having to go with the other
fellows. Say they're thirty fellows in your form, and twenty-nine stick;
you've got to stick with them, if it's terms and terms. They can't do it
any other way. It's _because_ I'm young, Mummy, that I mind so awfully.
Supposing I died in ten years' time, or even fifteen? It simply makes me
hate everybody.

Love to Daddy and Don.

     Your loving MICK.

P.S.-I don't mean that Hartley major isn't good at Latin verse. He is.
He can lick me into fits when he's bitten _all_ the feathers off.

     TUDOR HOUSE.
          CHELTENHAM,
               _Tuesday_.

DARLING MUMMY:

Daddy _doesn't_ understand. You only think he does because you like him.
It's all rot what he says about esprit de corps, the putridest rot,
though I know he doesn't mean it.

And he's wrong about gym, and drill and games and all that. I don't mind
gym, and I don't mind drill, and I like games. I'm fairly good at most
of them--except footer. All the fellows say I'm fairly good--otherwise I
don't suppose they'd stick me for a minute. I don't even mind Chapel.
You see, when it's only your body doing what the other chaps do, it
doesn't seem to matter. If esprit de corps _was_ esprit de corps it
would be all right. But it's esprit d'esprit. And it's absolutely
sickening the things they can do to your mind. I can't stand another
term of it.

     Always your loving
          MICK.
P.S.-How do you know I shan't be dead in ten or
fifteen years' time? It's enough to make me.

P.P.S.-It's all very well for Daddy to talk--_he_ doesn't want to learn
Chinese.

     TUDOR HOUSE.
          CHELTENHAM,
               _Thursday_.

DEAR FATHER:

All right. Have it your own way. Only I shall kill myself. You needn't
tell Mother that--though it won't matter so much as she'll very likely
think. And perhaps then you won't try and stop Nicky going into the Army
as you've stopped me.

I don't care a "ram", as Nicky would say, whether you bury me or cremate
me; only you might give my Theocritus to old Parsons, and my revolver
to Nicky if it doesn't burst. He'd like it.

     MICHAEL.

P.S.--If Parsons would rather have my _Æschylus_ he can, or both.

     TUDOR HOUSE.
          CHELTENHAM,
               _Sunday_.

DARLING MUMMY:

It's your turn for a letter. Do you think Daddy'd let me turn the
hen-house into a workshop next holidays, as there aren't any hens? And
would he give me a proper lathe for turning steel and brass and stuff
for my next birthday I'm afraid it'll cost an awful lot; but he could
take it out of my other birthdays, I don't mind how many so long as I
can have the lathe this one.

This place isn't half bad once you get used to it. I like the fellows,
and all the masters are really jolly decent, though I wish we had old
Parsons here instead of the one we have to do Greek for. He's an awful
chap to make you swot.

I don't know what you mean about Mick being seedy. He's as fit as fit.
You should see him when he's stripped. But he hates the place like
poison half the time. He can't stand being with a lot of fellows. He's a
rum chap because they all like him no end, the masters and the fellows,
though they think he's funny, all except Hartley major, but he's such a
measly little blighter that he doesn't count.

We had a ripping time last Saturday. Bartie went up to town, and Major
Cameron took Dorothy and Ronny and Vera and me and Mick to Birdlip in
his dog-cart, only Mick and me had to bike because there wasn't room
enough. However we grabbed the chains behind and the dog-cart pulled us
up the hills like anything, and we could talk to Dorothy and Ronny
without having to yell at each other. He did us jolly well at tea
afterwards.

Dorothy rode my bike stridelegs coming back, so that I could sit in the
dog-cart. She said she'd get a jolly wigging if she was seen. We shan't
know till Monday.

You know, Mummy, that kid Ronny's having a rotten time, what with Bartie
being such a beast and Vera chumming up with Ferdie and going off to
country houses where he is. I really think she'd better come to us for
the holidays. Then I could teach her to ride. Bartie won't let her learn
here, though Ferdie'd gone and bought a pony for her. That was to spite
Ferdie. He's worse than ever, if you can imagine that, and he's got
three more things the matter with him.

I must stop now.

Love to Dad and Don and Nanna. Next year I'm to go into physics and
stinks--that's chemistry.

Your loving NICKY.

     THE LEAS. PARABOLA ROAD.
          CHELTENHAM,
               _Sunday_.

DEAREST MUMMY:

I'm awfully sorry you don't like my last term's school report. I know it
wasn't what it ought to have been. I have to hold myself in so as to
keep in the same class with Rosalind when we're moved up after
Midsummer. But as she's promised me faithfully she'll let herself rip
next term, you'll see it'll be all right at Xmas. We'll both be in I A
the Midsummer after, and we can go in for our matic, together. I wish
you'd arrange with Mrs. Jervis for both of us to be at Newnham at the
same time. Tell her Rosalind's an awful slacker if I'm not there to keep
her up to the mark. No--don't tell her that. Tell her _I'm_ a slacker if
she isn't there.

I was amused by your saying it was decent of Bartie to have us so often.
He only does it because things are getting so tight between him and
Vera that he's glad of anything that relaxes the strain a bit. Even us.
He's snappier than ever with Ronny. I can't think how the poor kid
stands it.

You know that ripping white serge coat and skirt you sent me? Well, the
skirt's not nearly long enough. It doesn't matter a bit though, because
I can keep it for hockey. It's nice having a mother who _can_ choose
clothes. You should see the last blouse Mrs. Jervis got for Rosalind.
She's burst out of _all_ the seams already. You could have heard
her doing it.

Much love to you and Daddy and Don-Don. I can't send any to Mr. Parsons
now my hair's up. But you might tell him I'm going in strong for
Sociology and Economics.--

     Your loving
          DOROTHY.

P.S.--Vera asked me if I thought you'd take her and Ronny in at
Midsummer. I said of course you would--like a shot.


     LANSDOWN LODGE.
          CHELTENHAM,
               _Friday._

MY DEAREST FRANCES:

I hope you got my two wires in time. You needn't come down, either of
you. And you needn't worry about Mick. Ferdie went round and talked to
him like a fa--I mean a big brother, and the revolver (bless his heart!)
is at present reposing at the bottom of my glove-box.

All the same we both think you'd better take him away at Midsummer. He
says he can stick it till then, but not a day longer. Poor Mick! He has
the most mysterious troubles.

I daresay it's the Cheltenham climate as much as anything. It doesn't
suit me or Bonny either, and it's simply killing Ferdie by inches. I
suppose that's why Bartie makes us stay here--in the hope--

Oh! my dear, I'm worried out of my life about him. He's never got over
that fever he had in South Africa. He's looking ghastly.

And the awful thing is that I can't do a thing for him. Not a thing.
Unless--

You haven't forgotten the promise you made me two years ago, have you?

Dorothy seemed to think you could put Bonny and me up--again!--at
Midsummer. Can you? And if poor Ferdie wants to come and see us, you
won't turn him off your door-mat, will you?

     Your lovingest
          "VERA."

Frances said, "Poor Vera! She even makes poor Mick an excuse for seeing
Ferdie."



X

Three more years passed and Frances had fulfilled her promise. She had
taken Veronica.

The situation had become definite. Bartie had delivered his ultimatum.
Either Vera must give up Major Cameron, signing a written pledge in the
presence of three witnesses, Frances, Anthony and Bartie's solicitor,
that she would neither see him nor write to him, nor hold any sort or
manner of communication with him, direct or indirect, or he would obtain
a judicial separation. It was to be clearly understood by both of them
that he would not, in any circumstances, divorce her. Bartie knew that a
divorce was what they wanted, what they had been playing for, and he was
not going to make things easy for them; he was going to make things hard
and bitter and shameful He had based his ultimatum on the calculation
that Vera would not have the courage of her emotions; that even her
passion would surrender when she found that it had no longer the
protection of her husband's house and name. Besides Vera was expensive,
and Cameron was a spendthrift on an insufficient income; he could not
possibly afford her. If Bartie's suspicions were correct, the thing had
been going on for the last twelve years, and if in twelve years' time
they had not forced his hand that was because they had counted the cost,
and decided that, as Frances had put it, the "game was not worth the
scandal."

For when suspicion became unendurable he had consulted Anthony who
assured him that Frances, who ought to know, was convinced that there
was nothing in it except incompatibility, for which Bartie was
superlatively responsible.

Anthony's manner did not encourage confidence, and he gathered that his
own more sinister interpretation would be dismissed with contemptuous
incredulity. Anthony was under his wife's thumb and Frances had been
completely bamboozled by her dearest friend. Still, when once their eyes
were opened, he reckoned on the support of Anthony and Frances. It was
inconceivable, that, faced with a public scandal, his brother and his
sister-in-law would side with Vera.

It was a game where Bartie apparently held all the cards. And his trump
card was Veronica.

He was not going to keep Veronica without Vera. That had been tacitly
understood between them long ago. If Vera went to Cameron she could not
take Veronica with her without openly confirming Bartie's worst
suspicion.

And yet all these things, so inconceivable to Bartie, happened. When it
came to the stabbing point the courage of Vera's emotions was such that
she defied her husband and his ultimatum, and went to Cameron. By that
time Ferdie was so ill that she would have been ashamed of herself if
she had not gone. And though Anthony's house was not open to the unhappy
lovers, Frances and Anthony had taken Veronica.

Grannie and Auntie Louie and Auntie Emmeline and Auntie Edie came over
to West End House when they heard that it had been decided. It was
time, they said, that somebody should protest, that somebody should
advise Frances for her own good and for the good of her children.

They had always detested and distrusted Vera Harrison; they had always
known what would happen. The wonder was it had not happened before. But
why Frances should make it easy for her, why Frances should shoulder
Vera Harrison's responsibilities, and burden herself with that child,
and why Anthony should give his consent to such a proceeding, was more
than they could imagine.

Once Frances had stood up for the three Aunties, against Grannie; now
Grannie and the three Aunties were united against Frances.

"Frances, you're a foolish woman."

"My folly is my own affair and Anthony's."

"You'll have to pay for it some day."

"You might have thought of your own children first."

"I did. I thought, How would I like _them_ to be forsaken like poor
Ronny?"

"You should have thought of the boys. Michael's growing up; so is
Nicky."

"Nicky is fifteen; Ronny is eleven, if you call that growing up."

"That's all very well, but when Nicky is twenty-one and Ronny is
seventeen what are you going to do?"

"I'm not going to turn Ronny out of doors for fear Nicky should fall in
love with her, if that's what you mean."

"It _is_ what I mean, now you've mentioned it."

"He's less likely to fall in love with her if I bring them up as
brother and sister."

"You might think of Anthony. Bartholomew's wife leaves him for another
man, and you aid and abet her by taking her child, relieving her of her
one responsibility."

"Bartie's wife leaves him, and we help Bartie by taking care of his
child--who is _our niece_, not yours."

"My dear Frances, that attitude isn't going to deceive anybody. If you
don't think of Anthony and your children, you might think of us. We
don't want to be mixed up in this perfectly horrible affair."

"How are you mixed up in it?"

"Well, after all, Frances, we are the family. We are your sisters and
your mother and your children's grand-mother and aunts."

"Then," said Frances with decision, "you must try to bear it. You must
take the rough with the smooth, as Anthony and I do."

And as soon as she had said it she was sorry. It struck her for the
first time that her sisters were getting old. It was no use for Auntie
Louie, more red and more rigid than ever, to defy the imminence of her
forty-ninth birthday. Auntie Emmy's gestures, her mouthings and
excitement, only drew attention to the fact that she was forty-seven.
And Edie, why, even poor little Auntie Edie was forty-five. Grannie, dry
and wiry, hardly looked older than Auntie Edie.

They left her, going stiffly, in offence. And again the unbearable
pathos of them smote her. The poor Aunties. She was a brute to hurt
them. She still thought of them as Auntie Louie, Auntie Emmy, Auntie
Edie. It seemed kinder; for thus she bestowed upon them a colour and
vitality that, but for her and for her children, they would not have
had. They were helpless, tiresome, utterly inefficient. In all their
lives they had never done anything vigorous or memorable. They were
doomed to go out before her children; when they were gone they would be
gone altogether. Neither Auntie Louie, nor Auntie Emmy, nor Auntie Edie
would leave any mark or sign of herself. But her children gave them
titles by which they would be remembered after they were gone. It was as
if she had bestowed on them a little of her own enduring life.

It was absurd and pathetic that they should think that they were the
Family.

But however sorry she was for them she could not allow them to dictate
to her in matters that concerned her and Anthony alone. If they were so
worried, about the scandal, why hadn't they the sense to see that the
only way to meet it was to give it the lie by taking Ronny, by behaving
as if Ronny were unquestionably Bartie's daughter and their niece? They
were bound to do it, if not for Vera's sake, for the dear little girl's
sake. And that was what Vera had been thinking of; that was why she had
trusted them.

But her three sisters had always disliked Vera. They disliked her
because, while they went unmarried, Vera, not content with the one man
who was her just and legal portion, had taken another man whom she had
no right to. And Auntie Emmeline had been in love with Ferdie.

Still, there was a certain dreadful truth in their reproaches; and it
stung. Frances said to herselv that she had not been wise. She had done
a risky thing in taking Ronny. It was not fair to her children, to
Michael and Nicholas and John. She was afraid. She had been afraid when
Vera had talked to her about Nicky and Veronica; and when she had seen
Veronica and Nicky playing together in the apple-tree house; and when
she had heard Ronny's voice outside the schoolroom door crying, "Where's
Nicky? I want him. Will he be very long?"

Supposing Veronica should go on wanting Nicky, and supposing Nicky--

Frances was so worried that, when Dorothy came striding across the lawn
to ask her what the matter was, and what on earth Grannie and the
Aunties had been gassing about all that time, she told her.

Dorothy was nineteen. And Dorothy at nineteen, tall and upright, was
Anthony's daughter. Her face and her whole body had changed; they were
Anthony's face and body made feminine. Her little straight nose had now
a short high bridge; her brown eyes were keen and alert; she had his
hawk's look. She put her arm in Frances's, protecting her, and they
walked up and down the terrace path, discussing it. In the distance
Grannie and the Aunties could be seen climbing the slope of the Heath to
Judges' Walk. They were not, Dorothy protested, pathetic; they were
simply beastly. She hated them for worrying her mother.

"They think I oughtn't to have taken Ronny. They think Nicky'll want to
marry her."

"But Ronny's a kid--"

"When she's not a kid."

"He won't, Mummy ducky, he won't. She'll be a kid for ages. Nicky'll
have married somebody else before she's got her hair up."

"Then Ronny'll fall in love with _him_, and get her little heart
broken."

"She won't, Mummy, she won't. They only talk like that because they
think Ferdie's Ronny's father."

"Dorothy!"

Frances, in horror, released herself from that protecting arm. The
horror came, not from the fact, but from her daughter's knowledge of it.

"Poor Mummy, didn't you know? That's why Bartie hates her."

"It isn't true."

"What's the good of that as long as Bartie thinks it is?" said Dorothy.

     "London Bridge is broken down
     (_Ride over my Lady Leigh_!)"

Veronica was in the drawing-room, singing "London Bridge."

Michael, in all the beauty of his adolescence, lay stretched out on the
sofa, watching her. Her small, exquisite, childish face between the
plaits of honey-coloured hair, her small, childish face thrilled him
with a singular delight and sadness. She was so young and so small, and
at the same time so perfect that Michael could think of her as looking
like that for ever, not growing up into a tiresome, bouncing, fluffy
flapper like Rosalind Jervis.

Aunt Louie and Aunt Emmeline said that Rosalind was in love with him.
Michael thought that was beastly of them and he hoped it wasn't true.

     "'Build it up with gold so fine'"--

Veronica was happy; for she knew herself to be a cause of happiness.
Like Frances once, she was profoundly aware of her own happiness, and
for the same reason. It was, if you came to think of it, incredible. It
had been given to her, suddenly, when she was not looking for it, after
she had got used to unhappiness.

As long as she could remember Veronica had been aware of herself. Aware
of herself, chiefly, not as a cause of happiness, but as a cause of
embarrassment and uncertainty and trouble to three people, her father,
her mother and Ferdie, just as they were causes of embarrassment and
trouble and uncertainty to her. They lived in a sort of violent mystery
that she, incomprehensibly, was mixed up with. As long as she could
remember, her delicate, childish soul had quivered with the vibration of
their incomprehensible and tiresome passions. You could never tell what
any of them really wanted, though among them they managed to create an
atmosphere of most devastating want. Only one thing she knew
definitely--that they didn't want _her_.

She was altogether out of it except as a meaningless counter in their
incomprehensible, grown-up game. Her father didn't want her; her mother
didn't want her very much; and though now and then Ferdie (who wasn't
any relation at all) behaved as if he wanted her, _his_ wanting only
made the other two want her less than ever.

There had been no peace or quietness or security in her little life of
eleven years. Their places (and they had had so many of them!) had never
had any proper place for her. She seemed to have spent most of her time
in being turned out of one room because her father had come into it, and
out of another because her mother wanted to be alone in it with Ferdie.
And nobody, except Ferdie sometimes, when they let him, ever wanted to
be alone in any room with her. She was so tired of the rooms where she
was obliged to be always alone with herself or with the servants, though
the servants were always kind.

Now, in Uncle Anthony's house, there was always peace and quietness and
an immense security. She knew that, having taken her, they wouldn't
give her up.

She was utterly happy.

And the house, with its long, wainscoted rooms, its whiteness and
darkness, with its gay, clean, shining chintzes, the delicate, faded
rose stuffs, the deep blue and purple and green stuffs, and the blue and
white of the old china, and its furniture of curious woods, the golden,
the golden-brown, the black and the wine-coloured, bought by Anthony in
many countries, the round concave mirrors, the pictures and the old
bronzes, all the things that he had gathered together and laid up as
treasure for his Sons; and the garden on the promontory, with its
buttressed walls and its green lawn, its flower borders, and its tree of
Heaven, saturated with memories, became for her, as they had become for
Frances, the sanctuary, crowded with visible and tangible symbols, of
the Happiness she adored.

"Sing it again, Ronny."

She sang it again.

     "'London Bridge is broken down'"--

It was funny of Michael to like the silly, childish song; but if he
wanted it he should have it. Veronica would have given any of them
anything they wanted. There was nothing that she had ever wanted that
they had not given to her.

She had wanted to be strong, to be able to run and ride, to play tennis
and cricket and hockey, and Nicky had shown her how. She had wanted
books of her own, and Auntie Frances, and Uncle Anthony and Dorothy and
Michael had given her books, and Nicky had made her a bookcase. Her room
(it was all her own) was full of treasures. She had wanted to learn to
sing and play properly, and Uncle Anthony had given her masters. She had
wanted people to love her music, and they loved it. She had wanted a
big, grown-up sister like Dorothy, and they had given her Dorothy; and
she had wanted a little brother of her own age, and they had given her
John. John had a look of Nicky. His golden white hair was light brown
now; his fine, wide mouth had Nicky's impudence, even when, like
Frances, he kept it shut to smile her unwilling, twitching, mocking
smile. She had wanted a father and mother like Frances and Anthony; and
they had given her themselves.

And she had wanted to live in the same house with Nicky always.

So if Michael wanted her to sing "London Bridge" to him twenty times
over, she would sing it, provided Nicky didn't ask her to do anything
else at the same time. For she wanted to do most for Nicky, always.

And yet she was aware of something else that was not happiness. It was
not a thing you could name or understand, or seize, or see; you were
simply aware of it, as you were aware of ghosts in your room at night.
Like the ghosts, it was not always there; but when it was there
you knew.

It felt sometimes as if Auntie Frances was afraid of her; as if she,
Veronica, was a ghost.

And Veronica said to herself, "She is afraid I am not good. She thinks
I'll worry her. But I shan't."

That was before the holidays. Now that they had come and Nicky was back,
"it" seemed to her something to do with Nicky; and Veronica said to
herself, "She is afraid I'll get in his way and worry him, because he's
older. But I shan't."

As if she had not been taught and trained not to get in older people's
ways and worry them. And as if she wasn't growing older every
minute herself!

     "'Build it up with gold so fine--
     (_Ride over my Lady Leigh_!)

       *       *       *       *       *

     "'Build it up with stones so strong'"--

She had her back to the door and to the mirror that reflected it, yet
she knew that Nicky had come in.

"That's the song you used to sing at bed-time when you were frightened,"
he said.

She was sitting now in the old hen-house that was Nicky's workshop,
watching him as he turned square bars of brass into round bars with his
lathe. She had plates of steel to polish, and pieces of wood to rub
smooth with glass-paper. There were sheets of brass and copper, and bars
and lumps of steel, and great poles and planks of timber reared up round
the walls of the workshop. The metal filings fell from Nicky's lathe
into sawdust that smelt deliciously.

The workshop was nicer than the old apple-tree house, because there were
always lots of things to do in it for Nicky.

"Nicky," she said suddenly, "do you believe in ghosts?"

"Well--" Nicky caught his bar as it fell from the lathe and examined it
critically.

"You remember when I was afraid of ghosts, and you used to come and sit
with me till I went to sleep?"

"Rather."

"Well--there _are_ ghosts. I saw one last night. It came into the room
just after I got into bed."

"You _can_ see them," Nicky said. "Ferdie's seen heaps. It runs in his
family. He told me."

"He never told _me_."

"Rather not. He was afraid you'd be frightened."

"Well, I wasn't frightened. Not the least little bit."

"I shall tell him that. He wanted most awfully to know whether you saw
them too."

"_Me_? But Nicky--it was Ferdie I saw. He stood by the door and looked
at me. Like he does, you know."

The next morning Frances had a letter of two lines from Veronica's
mother:

     "Ferdie died last evening at half past eight.

     "He wants you to keep Ronny.

          "VERA."

It was not till years later that Veronica knew that "He wanted most
awfully to know whether you saw them too" meant "He wanted most awfully
to know whether you really were his daughter."





PART II

THE VORTEX



XI

Three years passed. It was the autumn of nineteen-ten. Anthony's house
was empty for the time being of all its children except Dorothea.

Michael was in the beginning of his last year at Cambridge. Nicholas was
in his second year. He had taken up mathematics and theoretical
mechanics. In the long vacation, when the others went into the country,
he stayed behind to work in the engineering sheds of the Morss Motor
Company. John was at Cheltenham. Veronica was in Dresden.

Dorothea had left Newnham a year ago, having taken a first-class in
Economics.

As Anthony came home early one evening in October, he found a group of
six strange women in the lane, waiting outside his garden door in
attitudes of conspiracy.

Four of them, older women, stood together in a close ring. The two
others, young girls, hung about near, but a little apart from the ring,
as if they desired not to identify themselves with any state of mind
outside their own. By their low sibilant voices, the daring sidelong
sortie of their bright eyes, their gestures, furtive and irrepressible,
you gathered that there was unanimity on one point. All six considered
themselves to have been discovered.

At Anthony's approach they moved away, with slow, casual steps, passed
through the posts at the bottom of the lane and plunged down the steep
path, as if under the impression that the nature of the ground covered
their retreat. They bobbed up again, one after the other, when the lane
was clear.

The first to appear was a tall, handsome, bad-tempered-looking girl. She
spoke first.

"It's a damned shame of them to keep us waiting like this."

She propped herself up against Anthony's wall and smouldered there in
her dark, sullen beauty.

"We were here at six sharp."

"When they know we were told not to let on where we meet."

"We're led into a trap," said a grey-haired woman.

"I say, who is Dorothea Harrison?"

"She's the girl who roped Rosalind in. She's all right."

"Yes, but are her people all right?"

"Rosalind knows them."

The grey-haired woman spoke again.

"Well, if you think this lane is a good place for a secret meeting, I
don't. Are you aware that the yard of `Jack Straw's Castle' is behind
that wall? What's to prevent them bringing up five or six coppers and
planting them there? Why, they've only got to post one 'tee at the top
of the lane, and another at the bottom, and we're done. Trapped. I call
it rotten."

"It's all right. Here they are."

Dorothea Harrison and Rosalind Jervis came down the lane at a leisured
stride, their long coats buttoned up to their chins and their hands in
their pockets. Their I gestures were devoid of secrecy or any guile.
Each had a joyous air of being in command, of being able to hold up the
whole adventure at her will, or let it rip.

Rosalind Jervis was no longer a bouncing, fluffy flapper. In three years
she had shot up into the stature of command. She slouched, stooping a
little from the shoulders, and carried her pink face thrust forward, as
if leaning from a platform to address an audience. From this salience
her small chin retreated delicately into her pink throat.

"Is Miss Maud Blackadder here?" she said, marshalling her six.

The handsome girl detached herself slowly from Anthony's wall.

"What's the point," she said, "of keeping us hanging about like this--"

"Till _all_ our faces are known to the police--"

"There's a johnnie gone in there who can swear to _me_. Why didn't you
two turn up before?" said the handsome girl.

"Because," said Dorothea, "that johnnie was my father. He was pounding
on in front of us all up East Heath Road. If we'd got here sooner I
should have had to introduce you."

She looked at the six benevolently, indulgently. They might have been
children whose behaviour amused her. It was as if she had said, "I
avoided that introduction, not because it would have been dangerous and
indiscreet, but because it would have spoiled your fun for you."

She led the way into the garden and the house and through the hall into
the schoolroom. There they found eleven young girls who had come much
too soon, and mistaking the arrangements, had rung the bell and allowed
themselves to be shown in.

The schoolroom had been transformed into a sort of meeting hall. The big
oblong table had been drawn across one end of it. Behind it were chairs
for the speakers, before it were three rows of chairs where the eleven
young girls sat scattered, expectant.

The six stood in the free space in front of the table and looked at
Rosalind with significance.

"This," said Rosalind, "is our hostess, Miss Dorothea Harrison. Dorothy,
I think you've met Mrs. Eden, our Treasurer. This is our secretary, Miss
Valentina Gilchrist; Miss Ethel Farmer; Miss Winifred Burstall--"

Dorothy greeted in turn Mrs. Eden, a pretty, gentle woman with a face of
dreaming tragedy (it was she who had defended Rosalind outside the
gate); Miss Valentina Gilchrist, a middle-aged woman who displayed a
large grey pompadour above a rosy face with turned-back features which,
when she was not excited, had an incredulous quizzical expression (Miss
Gilchrist was the one who had said they had been led into a trap); Miss
Ethel Farmer, fair, attenuated, scholastic, wearing pince-nez with an
air of not seeing you; and Miss Winifred Burstall, weather-beaten, young
at fifty, wearing pince-nez with an air of seeing straight through you
to the other side.

Rosalind went on. "Miss Maud Blackadder--"

Miss Blackadder's curt bow accused Rosalind of wasting time in
meaningless formalities.

"Miss--" Rosalind was at a loss.

The other girl, the youngest of the eight, came forward, holding out a
slender, sallow-white hand. She was the one who had hung with Miss
Blackadder in the background.

"Desmond," she said. "Phyllis Desmond."

She shrugged her pretty shoulders and smiled slightly, as much as to
say, "She forgets what she ought to remember, but it doesn't matter."

Phyllis Desmond was beautiful. But for the moment her beauty was asleep,
stilled into hardness. Dorothy saw a long, slender, sallow-white face,
between sleek bands of black hair; black eyes, dulled as if by a subtle
film, like breath on a black looking-glass; a beautiful slender mouth,
pressed tight, holding back the secret of its sensual charm.

Dorothy thought she had seen her before, but she couldn't remember
where.

Rosalind Jervis looked at her watch with a businesslike air; paper and
pencils were produced; coats were thrown on the little school-desks and
benches in the corner where Dorothy and her brothers had sat at their
lessons with Mr. Parsons some twelve years ago; and the eight gathered
about the big table, Rosalind taking the presidential chair (which had
once been Mr. Parsons' chair) in the centre between Miss Gilchrist and
Miss Blackadder.

Miss Burstall and Miss Farmer looked at each other and Miss Burstall
spoke.

"We understood that this was to be an informal meeting. Before we begin
business I should like to ask one question. I should like to know what
we are and what we are here for?"

"We, Mrs. Eden, Miss Valentina Gilchrist, Miss Maud Blackadder and
myself," said Rosalind in the tone of one dealing reasonably with an
unreasonable person, "are the Committee of the North Hampstead Branch of
the Women's Franchise Union. Miss Gilchrist is our secretary, I am the
President and Miss Blackadder is--er--the Committee."

"By whom elected? This," said Miss Burstall, "is most irregular."

Rosalind went on: "We are here to appoint a vice-president, to elect
members of the Committee and enlist subscribers to the Union. These
things will take time."

"_We_ were punctual," said Miss Farmer.

Rosalind did not even look at her. The moment had come to address the
meeting.

"I take it that we are all agreed as to the main issue, that we have not
come here to convert each other, that we all want Women's Franchise,
that we all mean to have it, that we are all prepared to work for it,
and, if necessary, to fight for it, to oppose the Government that
withholds it by every means in our power--"

"By every constitutional means," Miss Burstall amended, and was told by
Miss Gilchrist that, if she desired proceedings to be regular, she must
not interrupt the Chairwoman.

"--To oppose the Government that refuses us the vote, whatever
Government it may be, regardless of party, by _every means in
our power_."

Rosalind's sentences were punctuated by a rhythmic sound of tapping.
Miss Maud Blackadder, twisted sideways on the chair she had pushed
farther and farther back from the table, so as to bring herself
completely out of line with the other seven, from time to time,
rhythmically, twitching with impatience, struck her own leg with her own
walking-stick.

Rosalind perorated. "If we differ, we differ, not as to our end, but
solely as to the means we, personally and individually, are prepared to
employ." She looked round. "Agreed."

"Not agreed," said Dorothy and Miss Burstall and Miss Farmer all at
once.

"I will now call on Miss Maud Blackadder to speak. She will explain to
those of you who are strangers" (she glanced comprehensively at the
eleven young girls) "the present program of the Union."

"I protest," said Miss Burstall. "There has been confusion."

"There really _has_, Rosalind," said Dorothy. "You _must_ get it
straight. You can't start all at sixes and sevens. I protest too."

"We all three protest," said Miss Farmer, frowning and blinking in an
agony of protest.

"Silence, if you please, for the Chairwoman," said Miss Gilchrist.

"May we not say one word?"

"You may," said Rosalind, "in your turn. I now call on Miss Blackadder
to speak."

At the sound of her own name Miss Blackadder jumped to her feet. The
walking-stick fell to the floor with a light clatter and crash,
preluding her storm. She jerked out her words at a headlong pace, as if
to make up for the time the others had wasted in futilities.

"I am not going to say much, I am not going to take up your time. Too
much time has been lost already. I am not a speaker, I am not a writer,
I am not an intellectual woman, and if you ask me what I am and what I
am here for, and what I am doing in the Union, and what the Union is
doing with me, and what possible use I, an untrained girl, can be to you
clever women" (she looked tempestuously at Miss Burstall and Miss Farmer
who did not flinch), "I will tell you. I am a fighter. I am here to
enlist volunteers. I am the recruiting sergeant for this district. That
is the use my leaders, who should be _your_ leaders, are making
of _me_."

Her head was thrown back, her body swayed, rocked from side to side with
the violent rhythm of her speech.

"If you ask me why they have chosen _me_ I will tell you. It's because I
know what I want and because I know how to get what I want.

"I know what I want. Oh, yes, you think that's nothing; you all think
you know what you want. But do you? _Do_ you?"

"Of course we do!"

"We want the vote!"

"Nothing but the vote!"

"_Nothing but?_ Are you quite sure of that? Can you even say you want it
till you know whether there are things you want more?"

"What are you driving at?"

"You'll soon see what I'm driving at. I drive straight. And I ride
straight. And I don't funk my fences.

"Well--say you all want the vote. Do you know how much you want it? Do
you know how much you want to pay for it? Do you know what you're
prepared to give up for it? Because, if you don't know _that_, you don't
know how much you want it."

"We want it as much as you do, I imagine."

"You want it as much as I do? Good. _Then_ you're going to pay the price
whatever the price is. _Then_ you're ready to give up everything else,
your homes and your families and your friends and your incomes. Until
you're enfranchised you are not going to own any _man_ as father, or
brother or husband" (her voice rang with a deeper and stronger
vibration) "or lover, or friend. And the man who does not agree with
you, the man who refuses you the vote, the man who opposes your efforts
to get the vote, the man who, whether he agrees with you or not, _will
not help you to get it_, you count as your enemy. That is wanting the
vote. That is wanting it as much as I do.

"You women--are you prepared to go against your men? To give up your
men?"

There were cries of "Rather!" from two of the eleven young girls who had
come too soon.

Miss Burstall shook her head and murmured, "Hopeless confusion of
thought. If _this_ is what it's going to be like, Heaven help us!"

"You really _are_ getting a bit mixed," said Dorothy.

"We protest--"

"Protest then; protest as much as you like. Then we shall know where we
are; then we shall get things straight; then we can begin. You all want
the vote. Some of you don't know how much, but at least you know you
want it. Nobody's confused about that. Do you know how you're going to
get it? Tell me that."

Lest they should spoil it all by telling her Miss Blackadder increased
her vehement pace. "You don't because you can't and _I_ will tell you.
You won't get it by talking about it or by writing about it, or by
sitting down and thinking about it, you'll get it by coming in with me,
coming in with the Women's Franchise Union, and fighting for it.
Fighting women, not talkers--not writers--not thinkers are what we
want!" She sat down, heaving a little with the ground-swell of her
storm, amid applause in which only Miss Burstall and Miss Farmer did not
join. She was now looking extraordinarily handsome.

Rosalind bent over and whispered something in her ear. She rose to her
feet again, flushed, smiling at them, triumphant.

"Our Chairwoman has reminded me that I came here to tell you what the
program of our Union is. And I can tell you in six words. It's
Hell-for-leather, and it's Neck-or-nothing!"

"Now," said Rosalind sweetly, bowing towards Miss Burstall, "it's your
turn. We should like to know what you have to say."

Miss Burstall did not rise and in the end Dorothea spoke.

"My friend, Miss Rosalind Jervis, assumed that we were all agreed, not
only as to our aims, but as to our policy. She has not yet discriminated
between constitutional and unconstitutional means. When we protested,
she quashed our protest. We took exception to the phrase 'every means in
our power,' because that would commit us to all sorts of
unconstitutional things. It is in my power to squirt water into the back
of the Prime Minister's neck, or to land a bomb in the small of his
back, or in the centre of the platform at his next public meeting. We
were left to conclude that the only differences between us would concern
our choice of the squirt or the bomb. As some of us here might equally
object to using the bomb or the squirt, I submit that either our protest
should have been allowed or our agreement should not have been taken for
granted at the start.

"Again, Miss Maud Blackadder, in her sporting speech, her heroic speech,
has not cleared the question. She has appealed to us to come in, without
counting the cost; but she has said nothing to convince us that when our
account at our bank is overdrawn, and we have declared war on all our
male friends and relations, and have left our comfortable homes, and are
all camping out on the open Heath--I repeat, she has said nothing to
convince us that the price we shall have paid is going to get us the
thing we want.

"She says that fighters are wanted, and not talkers and writers and
thinkers. Are we not then to fight with our tongues and with our brains?
Is she leaving us anything but our bare fists? She has told us that she
rides straight and that she doesn't funk her fences; but she has not
told us what sort of country she is going to ride over, nor where the
fences are, not what Hell-for-leather and Neck-or-nothing means.

"We want meaning; we want clearness and precision. We have not been
given it yet.

"I would let all this pass if Miss Blackadder were not your
colour-sergeant. Is it fair to call for volunteers, for raw recruits,
and not tell them precisely and clearly what services will be required
of them? How many" (Dorothy glanced at the eleven) "realize that the
leaders of your Union, Mrs. Palmerston-Swete, and Mrs. Blathwaite, and
Miss Angela Blathwaite, demand from its members blind, unquestioning
obedience?"

Maud Blackadder jumped up.

"I protest. I, too, have the right to protest. Miss Harrison calls me to
order. She tells me to be clear and precise. Will she be good enough to
be clear and precise herself? Will she say whether she is with us or
against us? If she is not with us she is against us. Let her explain her
position."

She sat down; and Rosalind rose.

"Miss Harrison," she said, "will explain her position to the Committee
later. This is an open meeting till seven. It is now five minutes to.
Will any of you here"--she held the eleven with her eyes--"who were not
present at the meeting in the Town Hall last Monday, hold up your hands.
No hands. Then you must all be aware of the object and the policy and
the rules of the Women's Franchise Union. Its members pledge themselves
to help, as far as they can, the object of the Union; to support the
decisions of their leaders; to abstain from public and private criticism
of those decisions and of any words or actions of their leaders; and to
obey orders--not blindly or unquestioningly, but within the terms of
their undertakings.

"Those of you who wish to join us will please write your names and
addresses on the slips of white paper, stating what kind of work you are
willing to do and the amount of your subscription, if you subscribe, and
hand your slips to the Secretary at the door, as you go out."

Miss Burstall and Miss Farmer went out. Miss Blackadder
counted--"One--two--"

Eight of the eleven young girls signed and handed in the white slips at
the door, and went out.

"Three--four--"

Miss Blackadder reckoned that Dorothea Harrison's speech had cost her
five recruits. Her own fighting speech had carried the eleven in a
compact body to her side: Dorothea's speech had divided and scattered
them again.

Miss Blackadder hurled her personality at the heads of audiences in the
certainty that it would hit them hard. That was what she was there for.
She knew that the Women's Franchise union relied on her to wring from
herself the utmost spectacular effect. And she did it every time. She
never once missed fire. And Dorothea Harrison had come down on the top
of her triumph and destroyed the effect of all her fire. She had
corrupted five recruits. And, supposing there was a secret program, she
had betrayed the women of the Union to fourteen outsiders, by giving it
away. Treachery or no treachery, Dorothea Harrison would have to pay
for it.

       *       *       *       *       *

Everybody had gone except the members of the Committee and Phyllis
Desmond who waited for her friend, Maud Blackadder.

Dorothy remembered Phyllis Desmond now; she was that art-student girl
that Vera knew. She had seen her at Vera's house.

They had drawn round the table again. Miss Blackadder and Miss Gilchrist
conferred in whispers.

"Before we go," said Rosalind, "I propose that we ask Miss Dorothea
Harrison to be our Vice-President."

Miss Gilchrist nodded to Miss Blackadder who rose. It was her moment.

"And _I_ propose," she said, "that before we invite Miss Harrison to be
anything we ask her to define her position--clearly and precisely."

She made a sign, and the Secretary was on her feet.

"And first we must ask Miss Harrison to explain _how_ she became
possessed of the secret policy of the Union which has never been
discussed at any open meeting and is unknown to members of the General
Committee."

"Then," said Dorothy, "there _is_ a secret policy?"

"You seem to know it. We have the right to ask _how_ you know? Unless
you invented it."

Dorothy faced them. It was inconceivable that it should have happened,
that she should be standing there, in the old schoolroom of her father's
house, while two strange women worried her. She knew that her back was
to the wall and that the Blackadder girl had been on the watch for the
last half-hour to get her knife into her. (Odd, for she had admired the
Blackadder girl and her fighting gestures.) It was inconceivable that
she should have to answer to that absurd committee for her honour. It
was inconceivable that Rosalind, her friend, should not help her.

Yet it had happened. With all her platform eloquence Rosalind couldn't,
for the life of her, get out one heroic, defending word. From the moment
when the Gilchrist woman had pounced, Rosalind had simply sat and
stared, like a rabbit, like a fish, her mouth open for the word that
would not come. Rosalind was afraid to stand up for her. It was
dreadful, and it was funny to see Rosalind looking like that, and to
realize the extent of her weakness and her obstinacy.

Yet Rosalind had not changed. She was still the school-girl slacker who
could never do a stroke of work until somebody had pushed her into it,
who could never leave off working until stopped by the same hand that
had set her going. Her power to go, and to let herself rip, and the
weakness that made her depend on Dorothy to start her were the qualities
that attracted Dorothy to Rosalind from the beginning. But now she was
the tool of the fighting Suffrage Women. Or if she wasn't a tool, she
was a machine; her brain was a rapid, docile, mechanical apparatus for
turning out bad imitations of Mrs. Palmerston-Swete and the two
Blathwaites. Her air of casual command, half-swagger, half-slouch, her
stoop and the thrusting forward of her face, were copied sedulously from
an admired model.

Dorothy found her pitiable. She was hypnotized by the Blathwaites who
worked her and would throw her away when she was of no more use. She
hadn't the strength to resist the pull and the grip and the drive of
other people. She couldn't even hold out against Valentina Gilchrist and
Maud Blackadder. Rosalind would always be caught and spun round by any
movement that was strong enough. She was foredoomed to the Vortex.

That was Dorothy's fault. It was she who had pushed and pulled the
slacker, in spite of her almost whining protest, to the edge of the
Vortex; and it was Rosalind, not Dorothy, who had been caught and sucked
down into the swirl. She whirled in it now, and would go on whirling,
under the impression that her movements made it move.

The Vortex fascinated Dorothy even while she resisted it. She liked the
feeling of her own power to resist, to keep her head, to beat up against
the rush of the whirlwind, to wheel round and round outside it, and
swerve away before the thing got her.

For Dorothy was afraid of the Feminist Vortex, as her brother Michael
had been afraid of the little vortex of school. She was afraid of the
herded women. She disliked the excited faces, and the high voices
skirling their battle-cries, and the silly business of committees, and
the platform slang. She was sick and shy before the tremor and the surge
of collective feeling; she loathed the gestures and the movements of the
collective soul, the swaying and heaving and rushing forward of the many
as one. She would not be carried away by it; she would keep the
clearness and hardness of her soul. It was her soul they wanted, these
women of the Union, the Blathwaites and the Palmerston-Swetes, and
Rosalind, and the Blackadder girl and the Gilchrist woman; they ran out
after her like a hungry pack yelping for her soul; and she was not going
to throw it to them. She would fight for freedom, but not in their way
and not at their bidding.

She was her brother Michael, refusing to go to the party; refusing to
run with the school herd, holding out for his private soul against other
people who kept him from remembering. Only Michael did not hold out. He
ran away. She would stay, on the edge of the vortex, fascinated by its
danger, and resisting.

But as she looked at them, at Rosalind with her open mouth, at the
Blackadder girl who was scowling horribly, and at Valentina Gilchrist,
sceptical and quizzical, she laughed. The three had been trying to rush
her, and because they couldn't rush her they were questioning her
honour. She had asked them plainly for a plain meaning, and their idea
of apt repartee was to pretend to question her honour.

Perhaps they really did question it. She didn't care. She loathed their
excited, silly, hurrying suspicion; but she didn't care. It was she who
had drawn them and led them on to this display of incomparable idiocy.
Like her brother Nicholas she found that adversity was extremely funny;
and she laughed.

She was no longer Michael, she was Nicky, not caring, delighting in her
power to fool them.

"You think," she said, "I'd no business to find out?"

"Your knowledge would certainly have been mysterious," said the
Secretary; "unless at least two confidences had been betrayed. Supposing
there had been any secret policy."

"Well, you see, I don't know it; and I didn't invent it; and I didn't
find it out--precisely. Your secret policy is the logical conclusion of
your present policy. I deduced it; that's all. Anybody could have done
the same. Does that satisfy you? (They won't love me any better for
making them look fools!)"

"Thank you," said Miss Gilchrist. "We only wanted to be sure."

The dinner-bell rang as Dorothy was defining her position.

"I'll work for you; I'll speak for you; I'll write for you; I'll fight
for you. I'll make hay of every Government meeting, if I can get in
without lying and sneaking for it. I'll go to prison for you, if I can
choose my own crime. But I won't give up my liberty of speech and
thought and action. I won't pledge myself to obey your orders. I won't
pledge myself not to criticize policy I disapprove of. I won't come on
your Committee, and I won't join your Union. Is that clear and
precise enough?"

Somebody clapped and somebody said, "Hear, Hear!" And somebody said, "Go
it, Dorothy!"

It was Anthony and Frances and Captain Drayton, who paused outside the
door on their way to the dining-room, and listened, basely.

       *       *       *       *       *

They were all going now. Dorothy stood at the door, holding it open for
them, glad that it was all over.

Only Phyllis Desmond, the art-student, lingered. Dorothy reminded her
that they had met at her aunt Vera Harrison's house.

The art-student smiled. "I wondered when you were going to remember."

"I did, but they all called you Desmond. That's what put me out."

"Everybody calls me Desmond. You had a brother or something with you,
hadn't you?"

"I might have had two. Which? Michael's got green eyes and yellow hair.
Nicky's got blue eyes and black hair."

"It was Nicky--nice name--then."

Desmond's beauty stirred in its sleep. The film of air was lifted from
her black eyes.

"I'm dining with Mrs. Harrison to-night," she said.

"You'll be late then."

"It doesn't matter. Lawrence Stephen's never there till after eight. She
won't dine without him."

Dorothy stiffened. She did not like that furtive betrayal of Vera and
Lawrence Stephen.

"I wish you'd come and see me at my rooms in Chelsea. And bring your
brother. Not the green and yellow one. The blue and black one."

Dorothy took the card on which Desmond had scribbled an address. But she
did not mean to go and see her. She wasn't sure that she liked Desmond.

       *       *       *       *       *

Rosalind stayed on to dine with Dorothy's family. She was no longer
living with her own family, for Mrs. Jervis was hostile to Women's
Franchise. She had rooms off the Strand, not far from the headquarters
of the Union.

Frances looked a little careworn. She had been sent for to Grannie's
house to see what could be done with Aunt Emmeline, and had found, as
usual, that nothing could be done with her. In the last three years the
second Miss Fleming had become less and less enthusiastic, and more and
more emphatic, till she ceased from enthusiasm altogether and carried
emphasis beyond the bounds of sanity. She had become, as Frances put it,
extremely tiresome.

It was not accurate to say, as Mrs. Fleming did, that you never knew
when Emmeline would start a nervous crisis; for as a matter of fact you
could time her to a minute. It was her habit to wait till her family was
absorbed in some urgent affair that diverted attention from her case,
and then to break out alarmingly. Dorothy was generally sent for to
bring her round; but to-day it was Dorothy who had important things on
hand. Aunt Emmeline had scented the Suffrage meeting from afar, and had
made arrangements beforehand for a supreme crisis that would take all
the shine out of Dorothy's affair.

When Frances said that Aunt Emmy had been tiresome again, Dorothy knew
what she meant. For Aunt Emmy's idea was that her sisters persecuted
her; that Edie was jealous of her and hated her; that Louie had always
trampled on her and kept her under; that Frances had used her influence
with Grannie to spoil all her chances one after another. It was all
Frances's fault that Vera Harrison had come between her and Major
Cameron; Frances had encouraged Vera in her infamous intrigue; and
between them they had wrecked two lives. And they had killed
Major Cameron.

Since Ferdie's death Emmeline Fleming had lived most of the time in a
sort of dream in which it seemed to her that these things had
really happened.

This afternoon she had been more than usually tiresome. She had simply
raved.

"You should have brought her round to the meeting," said Dorothy, "and
let her rave there. I'd back Aunt Emmeline against Maud Blackadder. I
wish, Rosalind, you'd leave off making faces and kicking my shins. You
needn't worry any more, Mummy ducky. I'm going to rope them all into
the Suffrage Movement. Aunt Edie can distribute literature, Aunt Louie
can interrupt like anything, and Aunt Emmeline can shout and sing."

"I think, Dorothy," said Rosalind with weak bitterness, "that you might
have stuck by me."

The two were walking down East Heath Road to the tram-lines where the
motor buses started for Charing Cross.

"It was you who dragged me into it, and the least you could do was to
stick. Why didn't you keep quiet instead of forcing our hands?"

"I couldn't keep quiet. I'll go with you straight or I won't go with you
at all."

"You know what's the matter with you? It's your family. You'll never be
any good to us, you'll never be any good to yourself till you've chucked
them and got away. For years--ever since you've been born--you've simply
been stewing there in the family juice until you're soaked with it. You
oughtn't to be living at home. You ought to be on your own--like me."

"You're talking rot, Rosalind. If my people were like yours I'd have to
chuck them, I suppose; but they're not. They're angels."

"That's why they're so dangerous. They couldn't influence you if they
weren't angels."

"They don't influence me the least little bit. I'd like to see them try.
They're much too clever. They know I'd be off like a shot if they did.
Why, they let me do every mortal thing I please--turn the schoolroom
into a meeting hall for your friends to play the devil in. That
Blackadder girl was yelling the house down, yet they didn't say
anything. And your people aren't as bad as you make out, you know. You
couldn't live on your own if your father didn't give you an allowance. I
like Mrs. Jervis."

"Because she likes you."

"Well, that's a reason. It isn't the reason why I like my own mother,
because she doesn't like me so very much. That's why she lets me do what
I like. She doesn't care enough to stop me. She only really cares for
Dad and John and Nicky and Michael."

Rosalind looked fierce and stubborn.

"That's what's the matter with all of you," she said.

"What is?"

"Caring like that. It's all sex. Sex instinct, sex feeling. Maud's
right. It's what we're up against all the time."

Dorothy said to herself, "That's what's the matter with Rosalind, if she
only knew it."

Rosalind loved Michael and Michael detested her, and Nicky didn't like
her very much. She always looked fierce and stubborn when she heard
Michael's name.

Rosalind went on. "When it comes to sex you don't revolt. You sit down."

"I do revolt. I'm revolting now. I go much farther than you do. I think
the marriage laws are rotten; I think divorce ought to be for
incompatibility. I think love isn't love and can't last unless it's
free. I think marriage ought to be abolished--not yet, perhaps, but when
we've become civilized. It will be. It's bound to be. As it is, I think
every woman has a right to have a baby if she wants one. If Emmeline
had had a baby, she wouldn't be devastating us now."

"That's what you think, but it isn't what you feel. It's all thinking
with you, Dorothy. The revolt goes on in your brain. You'll never do
anything. It isn't that you haven't the courage to go against your men.
You haven't the will. You don't want to."

"Why should I? What do they do? Father and Michael and Nicky don't
interfere with me any more than Mother does."

"You know I'm not thinking of them. They don't really matter."

"Who are you thinking of then? Frank Drayton? You needn't!"

It was mean of Rosalind to hit below the belt like that, when she knew
that _she_ was safe. Michael had never been brought against her and
never would be. It was disgusting of her to imply that Dorothy's state
of mind was palpable, when her own (though sufficiently advertised by
her behaviour) had received from Michael's sister the consecration of
silence as a secret, tragic thing.

They had reached the tram-lines.

At the sight of the Charing Cross `bus Rosalind assumed an air of
rollicking, adventurous travel.

"My hat! What an evening! I shall have a ripping ride down. Don't say
there's no room on the top. Cheer up, Dorothy!"

Which showed that Rosalind Jervis was a free woman, suggested that life
had richer thrills than marrying Dorothy's brother Michael, and fixed
the detested imputation securely on her friend.

Dorothy watched her as she swung herself on to the footboard and up the
stair of the motor bus. There was room on the top. Rosalind, in fact,
had the top all to herself.

       *       *       *       *       *

As Dorothy crossed the Heath again in the twilight she saw something
white on the terrace of her father's house. Her mother was waiting
for her.

She thought at first that Aunt Emmeline had gone off her head and that
she had been sent for to keep her quiet. She gloried in their dependence
on her. But no, that wasn't likely. Her mother was just watching for her
as she used to watch for her and the boys when they were little and had
been sent across the Heath to Grannie's house with a message.

And at the sight and memory of her mother Dorothy felt a childish, sick
dissatisfaction with herself and with her day, and an absurd longing for
the tranquillity and safety of the home whose chief drawback lately had
been that it was too tranquil and too safe. She could almost have told
her mother how they had all gone for her, and how Rosalind had turned
out rotten, and how beastly it had all been. Almost, but not quite.
Dorothy had grown up, and she was there to protect and not to be
protected. However agreeable it might have been to confide in her
mother, it wouldn't have done.

Frances met her at the garden door. She had been crying.

"Nicky's come home," she said.

"Nicky?"

"He's been sent down."

"Whatever for?"

"Darling, I can't possibly tell you."

But in the end she did.



XII

Up till now Frances had taken a quiet interest in Women's Suffrage. It
had got itself into the papers and thus become part of the affairs of
the nation. The names of Mrs. Palmerston-Swete and Mrs. Blathwaite and
Angela Blathwaite had got into the papers, where Frances hoped and
prayed that the name of Dorothea Harrison might not follow them. The
spectacle of a frantic Government at grips with the Women's Franchise
Union had not yet received the head-lines accorded to the reports of
divorce and breach of promise cases and fires in paraffin shops; still,
it was beginning to figure, and if Frances's _Times_ ignored it, there
were other papers that Dorothy brought home.

But for Frances the affairs of the nation sank into insignificance
beside Nicky's Cambridge affair.

There could be no doubt that Nicky's affair was serious. You could not,
Anthony said, get over the letters, the Master's letter and the
Professor's letter and Michael's. They had arrived one hour after Nicky,
Nicky so changed from his former candour that he refused to give any
account of himself beyond the simple statement that he had been sent
down. They'd know, he had said, soon enough why.

And soon enough they did know.

To be sure no details could be disentangled from the discreet
ambiguities of the Master and the Professor. But Michael's letter was
more explicit. Nicky had been sent down because old "Booster" had got
it into his head that Nicky had been making love to "Booster's" wife
when she didn't want to be made love to, and nothing could get it out of
"Booster's" head.

Michael was bound to stand up for his brother, and it was clear to
Anthony that so grave a charge could hardly have been brought without
some reason. The tone of the letters, especially the Professor's, was
extraordinarily restrained. That was what made the thing stand out in
its sheer awfulness. The Professor, although, according to Michael, he
conceived himself to be profoundly injured, wrote sorrowfully, in
consideration of Nicky's youth.

There was one redeeming circumstance, the Master and the Professor both
laid stress on it: Anthony's son had not attempted to deny it.

"There must," Frances said wildly, "be some terrible mistake."

But Nicky cut the ground from under the theory of the terrible mistake
by continuing in his refusal to deny it.

"What sort of woman," said Anthony, "is the Professor's wife?"

"Oh, awfully decent," said Nicky.

"You had no encouragement, then, no provocation?"

"She's awfully fascinating," said Nicky.

Then Frances had another thought. It seemed to her that Nicky was
evading.

"Are you sure you're not screening somebody else?"

"Screening somebody else? Do you mean some other fellow?"

"Yes. I'm not asking you to give the name, Nicky."

"I swear I'm not. Why should I be? I can't think why you're all making
such a fuss about it. I don't mean poor old 'Booster.' He's got some
cause, if you like."

"But what was it you did--really did, Nicky?"

"You've read the letters, Mother."

Nicky's adolescence seemed to die and pass from him there and then; and
she saw a stubborn, hard virility that frightened and repelled her,
forcing her to believe that it might have really happened.

To Frances the awfulness of it was beyond belief. And the pathos of her
belief in Nicky was unbearable to Anthony. There were the letters.

"I think, dear," Anthony said, "you'd better leave us."

"Mayn't I stay?" It was as if she thought that by staying she could
bring Nicky's youth back to life again.

"No," said Anthony.

She went, and Nicky opened the door for her. His hard, tight man's face
looked at her as if it had been she who had sinned and he who suffered,
intolerably, for her sin. The click of the door as he shut it
stabbed her.

"It's a damnable business, father. We'd better not talk about it."

But Anthony would talk about it. And when he had done talking all that
Nicky had to say was: "You know as well as I do that these
things happen."

       *       *       *       *       *

For Nicky had thought it out very carefully beforehand in the train.
What else could he say? He couldn't tell them that "Booster's" poor
little wife had lost her head and made hysterical love to him, and had
been so frightened at what she had done that she had made him promise on
his word of honour that, whatever happened, he wouldn't give her away to
anybody, not even to his own people.

He supposed that either Peggy had given herself away, or that poor old
"Booster" had found her out. He supposed that, having found her out,
there was no other line that "Booster" could have taken. Anyhow, there
was no other line that _he_ could take; because, in the world where
these things happened, being found out would be fifty times worse for
Peggy than it would be for him.

He tried to recall the scene in the back drawing-room where she had
asked him so often to have tea with her alone. The most vivid part was
the end of it, after he had given his promise. Peggy had broken down and
put her head on his shoulder and cried like anything. And it was at that
moment that Nicky thought of "Booster," and how awful and yet how funny
it would be if he walked into the room and saw him there. He had tried
hard not to think what "Booster's" face would look like; he had tried
hard not to laugh as long as Peggy's head was on his shoulder, for fear
of hurting her feelings; but when she took it off he did give one
half-strangled snort; for it really was the rummest thing that had ever
happened to him.

He didn't know, and he couldn't possibly have guessed, that as soon as
the door had shut on him Peggy's passion had turned to rage and utter
detestation of Nicky (for she had heard the snort); and that she had
gone straight to her husband's study and put her head on _his_ shoulder,
and cried, and told him a lie; and that it was Peggy's lie and not the
Professor's imagination that had caused him to be sent down. And even if
Peggy had not been Lord Somebody's daughter and related to all sorts of
influential people she would still have been capable of turning every
male head in the University. For she was a small, gentle woman with
enchanting manners and the most beautiful and pathetic eyes, and she had
not yet been found out. Therefore it was more likely that an
undergraduate with a face like Nicky's should lose his head than that a
woman with a face like Peggy's should, for no conceivable reason, tell a
lie. So that, even if Nicky's word of honour had not been previously
pledged to his accuser, it would have had no chance against any
statement that she chose to make. And even if he had known that she had
lied, he couldn't very well have given it against poor pretty Peggy who
had lost her head and got frightened.

As Nicky packed up his clothes and his books he said, "I don't care if I
am sent down. It would have been fifty times worse for her than it
is for me."

He had no idea how bad it was, nor how much worse it was going to be.
For it ended in his going that night from his father's house to the
house in St. John's Wood where Vera and Mr. Lawrence Stephen lived.

And it was there that he met Desmond.

       *       *       *       *       *

Nicky congratulated himself on having pulled it off so well. At the
same time he was a little surprised at the ease with which he had taken
his father and mother in. He might have understood it if he had known
that Vera had been before him, and that she had warned them long ago
that this was precisely the sort of thing they would have to look out
for. And as no opinion ever uttered on the subject of their children was
likely to be forgotten by Frances and Anthony, when this particular
disaster came they were more prepared for it than they would have
believed possible.

But there were two members of his family whom Nicky had failed
altogether to convince, Michael and Dorothy. Michael luckily, Nicky said
to himself, was not on the spot, and his letter had no weight against
the letters of the Master and the Professor, and on this also Nicky had
calculated. He reckoned without Dorothy, judging it hardly likely that
she would be allowed to know anything about it. Nobody, not even
Frances, was yet aware of Dorothy's importance.

And Dorothy, because of her importance, blamed herself for all that
happened afterwards. If she had not had that damned Suffrage meeting,
Rosalind would not have stayed to dinner; if Rosalind had not stayed to
dinner she would not have gone with her to the tram-lines; if she had
not gone with her to the tram-lines she would have been at home to stop
Nicky from going to St. John's Wood. As it was, Nicky had reached the
main road at the top of the lane just as Dorothy was entering it from
the bottom.

At first Frances did not want Dorothy to see her father. He was most
horribly upset and must not be disturbed. But Dorothy insisted. Her
father had the letters, and she must see the letters.

"I may understand them better than you or Daddy," she said. "You see,
Mummy, I know these Cambridge people. They're awful asses, some
of them."

And though her mother doubted whether attendance at the Professor's
lectures would give Dorothy much insight into the affair, she had her
way. Anthony was too weak to resist her. He pushed the letters towards
her without a word. He would rather she had been left out of it. And yet
somehow the sight of her, coming in, so robust and undismayed and
competent, gave him a sort of comfort.

Dorothy did not agree with Michael. There was more in it than the
Professor's imagination. The Professor, she said, hadn't got any
imagination; you could tell from the way he lectured. But she did not
believe one word of the charge against her brother. Something had
happened and Nicky was screening somebody.

"I'll bet you anything you like," said Dorothy, "it's 'Booster's' wife.
She's made him give his word."

Dorothy was sure that "Booster's" wife was a bad lot.

"Nicky said she was awfully decent."

"He'd _have_ to. He couldn't do it by halves."

"They couldn't have sent him down, unless they'd sifted the thing to the
bottom."

"I daresay they've sifted all they could, the silly asses."

She could have killed them for making her father suffer. The sight of
his drawn face hurt her abominably. She had never seen him like that.
She wasn't half so sorry for her mother who was sustained by a secret,
ineradicable faith in Nicky. Why couldn't he have faith in Nicky too?
Was it because he was a man and knew that these things happened?

"Daddy--being sent down isn't such an awful calamity. It isn't going to
blast his career or anything. It's always touch and go. _I_ might have
been sent down any day. I should have been if they'd known about me half
what they don't know about Nicky. Why can't you take it as a rag? You
bet _he_ does."

Anthony removed himself from her protecting hand. He got up and went to
bed.

But he did not sleep there. Neither he nor Frances slept. And he came
down in the morning looking worse than ever.

Dorothy thought, "It must be awful to have children if it makes you feel
like that." She thought, "It's a lucky thing they're not likely to cut
up the same way about me." She thought again, "It must be awful to have
children." She thought of the old discussions in her room at Newnham,
about the woman's right to the child, and free union, and easy divorce,
and the abolition of the family. Her own violent and revolutionary
speeches (for which she liked to think she might have been sent down)
sounded faint and far-off and irrelevant. She did not really want to
abolish Frances and Anthony. And yet, if they had been abolished, as
part of the deplorable institution of parentage, it would have been
better for them; for then they would not be suffering as they did.

It must be awful to have children. But perhaps they knew that it was
worth it.

And as her thoughts travelled that way they were overtaken all of a
sudden by an idea. She did not stop to ask herself what business her
idea had in that neighbourhood. She went down first thing after
breakfast and sent off two wires; one to Captain Drayton at Croft House,
Eltham; one to the same person at the Royal Military Academy, Woolwich.

"Can I see you? It's about Nicky.

"DOROTHY HARRISON."

Wires to show that she was impersonal and businesslike, and that her
business was urgent. "Can I see you?" to show that he was not being
invited to see _her_. "It's about Nicky" to justify the whole
proceeding. "Dorothy Harrison" because "Dorothy" by itself was too much.

       *       *       *       *       *

As soon as she had sent off her wires Dorothy felt a sense of happiness
and well-being. She had no grounds for happiness; far otherwise; her
great friendship with Rosalind Jervis was disintegrating bit by bit
owing to Rosalind's behaviour; the fiery Suffrage meeting had turned
into dust and ashes; her darling Nicky was in a nasty scrape; her father
and mother were utterly miserable; yet she was happy.

Half-way home her mind began to ask questions of its own accord.

"Supposing you had to choose between the Suffrage and Frank Drayton?"

"But I haven't got to."

"You might have. You know you might any minute. You know he hates it.
And supposing--"

But Dorothy refused to give any answer.

His wire came within the next half hour.

"Coming three sharp. FRANK."

Her sense of well-being increased almost to exaltation.

       *       *       *       *       *

He arrived with punctuality at three o'clock. (He was in the gunners and
had a job at Woolwich.) She found him standing on the hearth-rug in the
drawing-room. He had blown his nose when he heard her coming, and
that meant that he was nervous. She caught him stuffing his
pocket-handkerchief (a piece of damning evidence) into his
breast-pocket.

With her knowledge of his nervousness her exaltation ceased as if it had
not been. At the sight of him it was as if the sentence hidden somewhere
in her mind--"You'll have to choose. You know you'll have to"--escaping
thought and language, had expressed itself in one suffocating pang.
Unless Nicky's affair staved off the dreadful moment.

"Were you frightfully busy?"

"No, thank goodness."

The luck she had had! Of course, if he had been busy he couldn't
possibly have come.

She could look at him now without a tightening in her throat. She liked
to look at him. He was made all of one piece. She liked his square face
and short fine hair, both the colour of light-brown earth; his eyes, the
colour of light brown earth under clear water; eyes that looked small
because they were set so deep. She liked their sudden narrowing and
their deep wrinkles when he smiled. She liked his jutting chin, and the
fine, rather small mouth that jerked his face slightly crooked when he
laughed. She liked that slender crookedness that made it a face
remarkable and unique among faces. She liked his brains. She liked all
that she had ever seen or heard of him.

Vera had told them that once, at an up-country station in India, he had
stopped a mutiny in a native battery by laughing in the men's faces.
Somebody that Ferdie knew had been with him and saw it happen. The men
broke into his office where he was sitting, vulnerably, in his
shirt-sleeves. They had brought knives with them, beastly native things,
and they had their hands on the handles, ready. They screamed and
gesticulated with excitement. And Frank Drayton leaned back in his
office chair and looked at them, and burst out laughing, because, he
said, they made such funny faces. When they got to fingering their
knives, he tilted back his chair and rocked with laughter. His sudden,
incredible mirth frightened them and stopped the mutiny. She could see
him, she could see his face jerked crooked with delight.

That was the sort of thing that Nicky would have done. She loved him for
that. She loved him because he was like Nicky.

She was not able to recall the process of the states that flowered in
that mysterious sense of well-being and exaltation. A year ago Frank
Drayton had been only "that nice man we used to meet at Cheltenham."
First of all he had been Ferdie's and Vera's friend. Then he became
Nicky's friend; the only one who took a serious interest in his
inventions and supported him when he wanted to go into the Army and
consoled him when he was frustrated. Then he had become the friend of
the family. Now he was recognized as more particularly Dorothea's
friend.

At Cheltenham he had been home on leave; and it was not until this year
that he had got his job at Woolwich teaching gunnery, while he waited
for a bigger job in the Ordnance Department. Ferdie Cameron had always
said that Frank Drayton would be worth watching. He would be part of the
brains of the Army some day. Nicky watched him. His brains and their
familiarity with explosives and the machinery of warfare had been his
original attraction for Nicky. But it was Dorothea who watched him most.

She plunged abruptly into Nicky's affair, giving names and lineage. "You
know all sorts of people, do you know anything about her?"

He looked at her clearly, without smiling. Then he said "Yes. I know a
good bit about her. Is that what's wrong with Nicky?"

"Not exactly. But he's been sent down."

His wry smile intimated that such things might be.

Then she told him what the Master had written and what the Professor had
written and what Michael had written, and what Nicky had said, and what
she, Dorothea thought. Drayton smiled over the Master's and the
Professor's letters, but when it came to Michael's letter he
laughed aloud.

"It's all very well for _us_. But Daddy and Mummy are breaking their
hearts. Daddy says he's going down to Cambridge to see what really
did happen."

Again that clear look. She gathered that he disapproved of "Booster's"
wife. He disapproved of so many things: of Women's Suffrage; of
revolutions; of women who revolted; of anybody who revolted; of Mrs.
Palmerston-Swete and Mrs. Blathwaite and Angela Blathwaite. It was
putting it too mildly to say he disapproved of Rosalind Jervis; he
detested her. He disapproved of Vera and of her going to see Vera; she
remembered that he had even disapproved, long ago, of poor Ferdie,
though he liked him. Evidently he disapproved of "Booster's" wife for
the same reason that he disapproved of Vera. That was why he didn't
say so.

"I believe you think all the time I'm right," she said. "Would you go
down if you were he?"

"No. I wouldn't."

"Why not?"

"Because he won't get anything out of them. They can't give her away any
more than Nicky can. Or than _you_ can, Dorothy."

"You mean I've done it already--to you. I _had_ to, because of Nicky. I
can't help it if you _do_ think it was beastly of me."

"My dear child--"

He got up vehemently, as if his idea was to take her in his arms and
stifle her outbreak that way. But something in her eyes, cold, unready,
yet aware of him, repelled him.

He thought: "It's too soon. She's all rigid. She isn't alive yet.
That's not what she wired for." He thought: "I wish people wouldn't send
their children to Newnham. It retards their development by ten years."

And she thought: "No. I mustn't let him do that. For then he won't be
able to go back on me when I tell him my opinions. It would be simply
trapping him. Supposing--supposing--"

She did not know that that instinctive renunciation was her answer to
the question. Her honour would come first.

"Of course. Of course you had to."

"What would you do about it if you were Daddy?"

"I should send them all to blazes."

"No, but _really_ do?"

"I should do nothing. I should leave it. You'll find that before very
long there'll be letters of apology and restitution."

"Will you come down to the office with me and tell Daddy that?"

"Yes, if you'll come to tea with me somewhere afterwards."

(He really couldn't be expected to do all this for nothing.)

She sent her mother to him while she put on her hat and coat. When she
came down Frances was happy again.

"You see, Mummy, I was right, after all."

"You always were right, darling, all the time."

For the life of her she couldn't help giving that little flick at her
infallible daughter.

"She _is_ right--most of the time," said Drayton. His eyes covered and
protected her.

Anthony was in his office, sitting before the open doors of the cabinet
where he kept his samples of rare and valuable woods. The polished slabs
were laid before him on the table in rows, as he had arranged them to
show to a customer: wine-coloured mahogany, and golden satinwood; ebony
black as 

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