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Love, and Other Stories

by Anton Pavlovich Chekhov · English · Gutenberg #13414 · 373,097 chars · public domain (US)

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Title: Love, and Other Stories

Author: Anton Pavlovich Chekhov

Translator: Constance Garnett


        
Release date: September 9, 2004 [eBook #13414]
                Most recently updated: October 28, 2024

Language: English

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*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LOVE, AND OTHER STORIES ***

THE TALES OF CHEKHOV

VOLUME 13

LOVE AND OTHER STORIES

BY

ANTON TCHEKHOV

Translated by CONSTANCE GARNETT




CONTENTS


     LOVE
     LIGHTS
     A STORY WITHOUT AN END
     MARI D'ELLE
     A LIVING CHATTEL
     THE DOCTOR
     TOO EARLY!
     THE COSSACK
     ABORIGINES
     AN INQUIRY
     MARTYRS
     THE LION AND THE SUN
     A DAUGHTER OF ALBION
     CHORISTERS
     NERVES
     A WORK OF ART
     A JOKE
     A COUNTRY COTTAGE
     A BLUNDER
     FAT AND THIN
     THE DEATH OF A GOVERNMENT CLERK
     A PINK STOCKING
     AT A SUMMER VILLA




LOVE

"THREE o'clock in the morning. The soft April night is looking in
at my windows and caressingly winking at me with its stars. I can't
sleep, I am so happy!

"My whole being from head to heels is bursting with a strange,
incomprehensible feeling. I can't analyse it just now--I haven't
the time, I'm too lazy, and there--hang analysis! Why, is a man
likely to interpret his sensations when he is flying head foremost
from a belfry, or has just learned that he has won two hundred
thousand? Is he in a state to do it?"

This was more or less how I began my love-letter to Sasha, a girl
of nineteen with whom I had fallen in love. I began it five times,
and as often tore up the sheets, scratched out whole pages, and
copied it all over again. I spent as long over the letter as if it
had been a novel I had to write to order. And it was not because I
tried to make it longer, more elaborate, and more fervent, but
because I wanted endlessly to prolong the process of this writing,
when one sits in the stillness of one's study and communes with
one's own day-dreams while the spring night looks in at one's window.
Between the lines I saw a beloved image, and it seemed to me that
there were, sitting at the same table writing with me, spirits as
naïvely happy, as foolish, and as blissfully smiling as I. I wrote
continually, looking at my hand, which still ached deliciously where
hers had lately pressed it, and if I turned my eyes away I had a
vision of the green trellis of the little gate. Through that trellis
Sasha gazed at me after I had said goodbye to her. When I was saying
good-bye to Sasha I was thinking of nothing and was simply admiring
her figure as every decent man admires a pretty woman; when I saw
through the trellis two big eyes, I suddenly, as though by inspiration,
knew that I was in love, that it was all settled between us, and
fully decided already, that I had nothing left to do but to carry
out certain formalities.

It is a great delight also to seal up a love-letter, and, slowly
putting on one's hat and coat, to go softly out of the house and
to carry the treasure to the post. There are no stars in the sky
now: in their place there is a long whitish streak in the east,
broken here and there by clouds above the roofs of the dingy houses;
from that streak the whole sky is flooded with pale light. The town
is asleep, but already the water-carts have come out, and somewhere
in a far-away factory a whistle sounds to wake up the workpeople.
Beside the postbox, slightly moist with dew, you are sure to see
the clumsy figure of a house porter, wearing a bell-shaped sheepskin
and carrying a stick. He is in a condition akin to catalepsy: he
is not asleep or awake, but something between.

If the boxes knew how often people resort to them for the decision
of their fate, they would not have such a humble air. I, anyway,
almost kissed my postbox, and as I gazed at it I reflected that the
post is the greatest of blessings.

I beg anyone who has ever been in love to remember how one usually
hurries home after dropping the letter in the box, rapidly gets
into bed and pulls up the quilt in the full conviction that as soon
as one wakes up in the morning one will be overwhelmed with memories
of the previous day and look with rapture at the window, where the
daylight will be eagerly making its way through the folds of the
curtain.

Well, to facts. . . . Next morning at midday, Sasha's maid brought
me the following answer: "I am delited be sure to come to us to day
please I shall expect you. Your S."

Not a single comma. This lack of punctuation, and the misspelling
of the word "delighted," the whole letter, and even the long, narrow
envelope in which it was put filled my heart with tenderness. In
the sprawling but diffident handwriting I recognised Sasha's walk,
her way of raising her eyebrows when she laughed, the movement of
her lips. . . . But the contents of the letter did not satisfy me.
In the first place, poetical letters are not answered in that way,
and in the second, why should I go to Sasha's house to wait till
it should occur to her stout mamma, her brothers, and poor relations
to leave us alone together? It would never enter their heads, and
nothing is more hateful than to have to restrain one's raptures
simply because of the intrusion of some animate trumpery in the
shape of a half-deaf old woman or little girl pestering one with
questions. I sent an answer by the maid asking Sasha to select some
park or boulevard for a rendezvous. My suggestion was readily
accepted. I had struck the right chord, as the saying is.

Between four and five o'clock in the afternoon I made my way to the
furthest and most overgrown part of the park. There was not a soul
in the park, and the tryst might have taken place somewhere nearer
in one of the avenues or arbours, but women don't like doing it by
halves in romantic affairs; in for a penny, in for a pound--if
you are in for a tryst, let it be in the furthest and most impenetrable
thicket, where one runs the risk of stumbling upon some rough or
drunken man. When I went up to Sasha she was standing with her back
to me, and in that back I could read a devilish lot of mystery. It
seemed as though that back and the nape of her neck, and the black
spots on her dress were saying: Hush! . . . The girl was wearing a
simple cotton dress over which she had thrown a light cape. To add
to the air of mysterious secrecy, her face was covered with a white
veil. Not to spoil the effect, I had to approach on tiptoe and speak
in a half whisper.

From what I remember now, I was not so much the essential point of
the rendezvous as a detail of it. Sasha was not so much absorbed
in the interview itself as in its romantic mysteriousness, my kisses,
the silence of the gloomy trees, my vows. . . . There was not a
minute in which she forgot herself, was overcome, or let the
mysterious expression drop from her face, and really if there had
been any Ivan Sidoritch or Sidor Ivanitch in my place she would
have felt just as happy. How is one to make out in such circumstances
whether one is loved or not? Whether the love is "the real thing"
or not?

From the park I took Sasha home with me. The presence of the beloved
woman in one's bachelor quarters affects one like wine and music.
Usually one begins to speak of the future, and the confidence and
self-reliance with which one does so is beyond bounds. You make
plans and projects, talk fervently of the rank of general though
you have not yet reached the rank of a lieutenant, and altogether
you fire off such high-flown nonsense that your listener must have
a great deal of love and ignorance of life to assent to it. Fortunately
for men, women in love are always blinded by their feelings and
never know anything of life. Far from not assenting, they actually
turn pale with holy awe, are full of reverence and hang greedily
on the maniac's words. Sasha listened to me with attention, but I
soon detected an absent-minded expression on her face, she did not
understand me. The future of which I talked interested her only in
its external aspect and I was wasting time in displaying my plans
and projects before her. She was keenly interested in knowing which
would be her room, what paper she would have in the room, why I had
an upright piano instead of a grand piano, and so on. She examined
carefully all the little things on my table, looked at the photographs,
sniffed at the bottles, peeled the old stamps off the envelopes,
saying she wanted them for something.

"Please collect old stamps for me!" she said, making a grave face.
"Please do."

Then she found a nut in the window, noisily cracked it and ate it.

"Why don't you stick little labels on the backs of your books?" she
asked, taking a look at the bookcase.

"What for?"

"Oh, so that each book should have its number. And where am I to
put my books? I've got books too, you know."

"What books have you got?" I asked.

Sasha raised her eyebrows, thought a moment and said:

"All sorts."

And if it had entered my head to ask her what thoughts, what
convictions, what aims she had, she would no doubt have raised her
eyebrows, thought a minute, and have said in the same way: "All
sorts."

Later I saw Sasha home and left her house regularly, officially
engaged, and was so reckoned till our wedding. If the reader will
allow me to judge merely from my personal experience, I maintain
that to be engaged is very dreary, far more so than to be a husband
or nothing at all. An engaged man is neither one thing nor the
other, he has left one side of the river and not reached the other,
he is not married and yet he can't be said to be a bachelor, but
is in something not unlike the condition of the porter whom I have
mentioned above.

Every day as soon as I had a free moment I hastened to my fiancée.
As I went I usually bore within me a multitude of hopes, desires,
intentions, suggestions, phrases. I always fancied that as soon as
the maid opened the door I should, from feeling oppressed and
stifled, plunge at once up to my neck into a sea of refreshing
happiness. But it always turned out otherwise in fact. Every time
I went to see my fiancée I found all her family and other members
of the household busy over the silly trousseau. (And by the way,
they were hard at work sewing for two months and then they had less
than a hundred roubles' worth of things). There was a smell of
irons, candle grease and fumes. Bugles scrunched under one's feet.
The two most important rooms were piled up with billows of linen,
calico, and muslin and from among the billows peeped out Sasha's
little head with a thread between her teeth. All the sewing party
welcomed me with cries of delight but at once led me off into the
dining-room where I could not hinder them nor see what only husbands
are permitted to behold. In spite of my feelings, I had to sit in
the dining-room and converse with Pimenovna, one of the poor
relations. Sasha, looking worried and excited, kept running by me
with a thimble, a skein of wool or some other boring object.

"Wait, wait, I shan't be a minute," she would say when I raised
imploring eyes to her. "Only fancy that wretch Stepanida has spoilt
the bodice of the barège dress!"

And after waiting in vain for this grace, I lost my temper, went
out of the house and walked about the streets in the company of the
new cane I had bought. Or I would want to go for a walk or a drive
with my fiancée, would go round and find her already standing in
the hall with her mother, dressed to go out and playing with her
parasol.

"Oh, we are going to the Arcade," she would say. "We have got to
buy some more cashmere and change the hat."

My outing is knocked on the head. I join the ladies and go with
them to the Arcade. It is revoltingly dull to listen to women
shopping, haggling and trying to outdo the sharp shopman. I felt
ashamed when Sasha, after turning over masses of material and
knocking down the prices to a minimum, walked out of the shop without
buying anything, or else told the shopman to cut her some half
rouble's worth.

When they came out of the shop, Sasha and her mamma with scared and
worried faces would discuss at length having made a mistake, having
bought the wrong thing, the flowers in the chintz being too dark,
and so on.

Yes, it is a bore to be engaged! I'm glad it's over.

Now I am married. It is evening. I am sitting in my study reading.
Behind me on the sofa Sasha is sitting munching something noisily.
I want a glass of beer.

"Sasha, look for the corkscrew. . . ." I say. "It's lying about
somewhere."

Sasha leaps up, rummages in a disorderly way among two or three
heaps of papers, drops the matches, and without finding the corkscrew,
sits down in silence. . . . Five minutes pass--ten. . . I begin
to be fretted both by thirst and vexation.

"Sasha, do look for the corkscrew," I say.

Sasha leaps up again and rummages among the papers near me. Her
munching and rustling of the papers affects me like the sound of
sharpening knives against each other. . . . I get up and begin
looking for the corkscrew myself. At last it is found and the beer
is uncorked. Sasha remains by the table and begins telling me
something at great length.

"You'd better read something, Sasha," I say.

She takes up a book, sits down facing me and begins moving her lips
. . . . I look at her little forehead, moving lips, and sink into
thought.

"She is getting on for twenty. . . ." I reflect. "If one takes a
boy of the educated class and of that age and compares them, what
a difference! The boy would have knowledge and convictions and some
intelligence."

But I forgive that difference just as the low forehead and moving
lips are forgiven. I remember in my old Lovelace days I have cast
off women for a stain on their stockings, or for one foolish word,
or for not cleaning their teeth, and now I forgive everything: the
munching, the muddling about after the corkscrew, the slovenliness,
the long talking about nothing that matters; I forgive it all almost
unconsciously, with no effort of will, as though Sasha's mistakes
were my mistakes, and many things which would have made me wince
in old days move me to tenderness and even rapture. The explanation
of this forgiveness of everything lies in my love for Sasha, but
what is the explanation of the love itself, I really don't know.


LIGHTS

THE dog was barking excitedly outside. And Ananyev the engineer,
his assistant called Von Schtenberg, and I went out of the hut to
see at whom it was barking. I was the visitor, and might have
remained indoors, but I must confess my head was a little dizzy
from the wine I had drunk, and I was glad to get a breath of fresh
air.

"There is nobody here," said Ananyev when we went out. "Why are you
telling stories, Azorka? You fool!"

There was not a soul in sight.

"The fool," Azorka, a black house-dog, probably conscious of his
guilt in barking for nothing and anxious to propitiate us, approached
us, diffidently wagging his tail. The engineer bent down and touched
him between his ears.

"Why are you barking for nothing, creature?" he said in the tone
in which good-natured people talk to children and dogs. "Have you
had a bad dream or what? Here, doctor, let me commend to your
attention," he said, turning to me, "a wonderfully nervous subject!
Would you believe it, he can't endure solitude--he is always
having terrible dreams and suffering from nightmares; and when you
shout at him he has something like an attack of hysterics."

"Yes, a dog of refined feelings," the student chimed in.

Azorka must have understood that the conversation was concerning
him. He turned his head upwards and grinned plaintively, as though
to say, "Yes, at times I suffer unbearably, but please excuse it!"

It was an August night, there were stars, but it was dark. Owing
to the fact that I had never in my life been in such exceptional
surroundings, as I had chanced to come into now, the starry night
seemed to me gloomy, inhospitable, and darker than it was in reality.
I was on a railway line which was still in process of construction.
The high, half-finished embankment, the mounds of sand, clay, and
rubble, the holes, the wheel-barrows standing here and there, the
flat tops of the mud huts in which the workmen lived--all this
muddle, coloured to one tint by the darkness, gave the earth a
strange, wild aspect that suggested the times of chaos. There was
so little order in all that lay before me that it was somehow strange
in the midst of the hideously excavated, grotesque-looking earth
to see the silhouettes of human beings and the slender telegraph
posts. Both spoiled the ensemble of the picture, and seemed to
belong to a different world. It was still, and the only sound came
from the telegraph wire droning its wearisome refrain somewhere
very high above our heads.

We climbed up on the embankment and from its height looked down
upon the earth. A hundred yards away where the pits, holes, and
mounds melted into the darkness of the night, a dim light was
twinkling. Beyond it gleamed another light, beyond that a third,
then a hundred paces away two red eyes glowed side by side--probably
the windows of some hut--and a long series of such lights,
growing continually closer and dimmer, stretched along the line to
the very horizon, then turned in a semicircle to the left and
disappeared in the darkness of the distance. The lights were
motionless. There seemed to be something in common between them and
the stillness of the night and the disconsolate song of the telegraph
wire. It seemed as though some weighty secret were buried under the
embankment and only the lights, the night, and the wires knew of
it.

"How glorious, O Lord!" sighed Ananyev; "such space and beauty that
one can't tear oneself away! And what an embankment! It's not an
embankment, my dear fellow, but a regular Mont Blanc. It's costing
millions. . . ."

Going into ecstasies over the lights and the embankment that was
costing millions, intoxicated by the wine and his sentimental mood,
the engineer slapped Von Schtenberg on the shoulder and went on in
a jocose tone:

"Well, Mihail Mihailitch, lost in reveries? No doubt it is pleasant
to look at the work of one's own hands, eh? Last year this very
spot was bare steppe, not a sight of human life, and now look: life
. . . civilisation. . . And how splendid it all is, upon my soul!
You and I are building a railway, and after we are gone, in another
century or two, good men will build a factory, a school, a hospital,
and things will begin to move! Eh!"

The student stood motionless with his hands thrust in his pockets,
and did not take his eyes off the lights. He was not listening to
the engineer, but was thinking, and was apparently in the mood in
which one does not want to speak or to listen. After a prolonged
silence he turned to me and said quietly:

"Do you know what those endless lights are like? They make me think
of something long dead, that lived thousands of years ago, something
like the camps of the Amalekites or the Philistines. It is as though
some people of the Old Testament had pitched their camp and were
waiting for morning to fight with Saul or David. All that is wanting
to complete the illusion is the blare of trumpets and sentries
calling to one another in some Ethiopian language."

And, as though of design, the wind fluttered over the line and
brought a sound like the clank of weapons. A silence followed. I
don't know what the engineer and the student were thinking of, but
it seemed to me already that I actually saw before me something
long dead and even heard the sentry talking in an unknown tongue.
My imagination hastened to picture the tents, the strange people,
their clothes, their armour.

"Yes," muttered the student pensively, "once Philistines and
Amalekites were living in this world, making wars, playing their
part, and now no trace of them remains. So it will be with us. Now
we are making a railway, are standing here philosophising, but two
thousand years will pass--and of this embankment and of all those
men, asleep after their hard work, not one grain of dust will remain.
In reality, it's awful!"

"You must drop those thoughts . . ." said the engineer gravely and
admonishingly.

"Why?"

"Because. . . . Thoughts like that are for the end of life, not for
the beginning of it. You are too young for them."

"Why so?" repeated the student.

"All these thoughts of the transitoriness, the insignificance and
the aimlessness of life, of the inevitability of death, of the
shadows of the grave, and so on, all such lofty thoughts, I tell
you, my dear fellow, are good and natural in old age when they come
as the product of years of inner travail, and are won by suffering
and really are intellectual riches; for a youthful brain on the
threshold of real life they are simply a calamity! A calamity!"
Ananyev repeated with a wave of his hand. "To my mind it is better
at your age to have no head on your shoulders at all than to think
on these lines. I am speaking seriously, Baron. And I have been
meaning to speak to you about it for a long time, for I noticed
from the very first day of our acquaintance your partiality for
these damnable ideas!"

"Good gracious, why are they damnable?" the student asked with a
smile, and from his voice and his face I could see that he asked
the question from simple politeness, and that the discussion raised
by the engineer did not interest him in the least.

I could hardly keep my eyes open. I was dreaming that immediately
after our walk we should wish each other good-night and go to bed,
but my dream was not quickly realised. When we had returned to the
hut the engineer put away the empty bottles and took out of a large
wicker hamper two full ones, and uncorking them, sat down to his
work-table with the evident intention of going on drinking, talking,
and working. Sipping a little from his glass, he made pencil notes
on some plans and went on pointing out to the student that the
latter's way of thinking was not what it should be. The student sat
beside him checking accounts and saying nothing. He, like me, had
no inclination to speak or to listen. That I might not interfere
with their work, I sat away from the table on the engineer's
crooked-legged travelling bedstead, feeling bored and expecting
every moment that they would suggest I should go to bed. It was
going on for one o'clock.

Having nothing to do, I watched my new acquaintances. I had never
seen Ananyev or the student before. I had only made their acquaintance
on the night I have described. Late in the evening I was returning
on horseback from a fair to the house of a landowner with whom I
was staying, had got on the wrong road in the dark and lost my way.
Going round and round by the railway line and seeing how dark the
night was becoming, I thought of the "barefoot railway roughs," who
lie in wait for travellers on foot and on horseback, was frightened,
and knocked at the first hut I came to. There I was cordially
received by Ananyev and the student. As is usually the case with
strangers casually brought together, we quickly became acquainted,
grew friendly and at first over the tea and afterward over the wine,
began to feel as though we had known each other for years. At the
end of an hour or so, I knew who they were and how fate had brought
them from town to the far-away steppe; and they knew who I was,
what my occupation and my way of thinking.

Nikolay Anastasyevitch Ananyev, the engineer, was a broad-shouldered,
thick-set man, and, judging from his appearance, he had, like
Othello, begun the "descent into the vale of years," and was growing
rather too stout. He was just at that stage which old match-making
women mean when they speak of "a man in the prime of his age," that
is, he was neither young nor old, was fond of good fare, good liquor,
and praising the past, panted a little as he walked, snored loudly
when he was asleep, and in his manner with those surrounding him
displayed that calm imperturbable good humour which is always
acquired by decent people by the time they have reached the grade
of a staff officer and begun to grow stout. His hair and beard were
far from being grey, but already, with a condescension of which he
was unconscious, he addressed young men as "my dear boy" and felt
himself entitled to lecture them good-humouredly about their way
of thinking. His movements and his voice were calm, smooth, and
self-confident, as they are in a man who is thoroughly well aware
that he has got his feet firmly planted on the right road, that he
has definite work, a secure living, a settled outlook. . . . His
sunburnt, thicknosed face and muscular neck seemed to say: "I am
well fed, healthy, satisfied with myself, and the time will come
when you young people too, will be well-fed, healthy, and satisfied
with yourselves. . . ." He was dressed in a cotton shirt with the
collar awry and in full linen trousers thrust into his high boots.
From certain trifles, as for instance, from his coloured worsted
girdle, his embroidered collar, and the patch on his elbow, I was
able to guess that he was married and in all probability tenderly
loved by his wife.

Baron Von Schtenberg, a student of the Institute of Transport, was
a young man of about three or four and twenty. Only his fair hair
and scanty beard, and, perhaps, a certain coarseness and frigidity
in his features showed traces of his descent from Barons of the
Baltic provinces; everything else--his name, Mihail Mihailovitch,
his religion, his ideas, his manners, and the expression of his
face were purely Russian. Wearing, like Ananyev, a cotton shirt and
high boots, with his round shoulders, his hair left uncut, and his
sunburnt face, he did not look like a student or a Baron, but like
an ordinary Russian workman. His words and gestures were few, he
drank reluctantly without relish, checked the accounts mechanically,
and seemed all the while to be thinking of something else. His
movements and voice were calm, and smooth too, but his calmness was
of a different kind from the engineer's. His sunburnt, slightly
ironical, dreamy face, his eyes which looked up from under his
brows, and his whole figure were expressive of spiritual
stagnatio--mental sloth. He looked as though it did not matter to him in
the least whether the light were burning before him or not, whether
the wine were nice or nasty, and whether the accounts he was checking
were correct or not. . . . And on his intelligent, calm face I read:
"I don't see so far any good in definite work, a secure living, and
a settled outlook. It's all nonsense. I was in Petersburg, now I
am sitting here in this hut, in the autumn I shall go back to
Petersburg, then in the spring here again. . . . What sense there
is in all that I don't know, and no one knows. . . . And so it's
no use talking about it. . . ."

He listened to the engineer without interest, with the condescending
indifference with which cadets in the senior classes listen to an
effusive and good-natured old attendant. It seemed as though there
were nothing new to him in what the engineer said, and that if he
had not himself been too lazy to talk, he would have said something
newer and cleverer. Meanwhile Ananyev would not desist. He had by
now laid aside his good-humoured, jocose tone and spoke seriously,
even with a fervour which was quite out of keeping with his expression
of calmness. Apparently he had no distaste for abstract subjects,
was fond of them, indeed, but had neither skill nor practice in the
handling of them. And this lack of practice was so pronounced in
his talk that I did not always grasp his meaning at once.

"I hate those ideas with all my heart!" he said, "I was infected
by them myself in my youth, I have not quite got rid of them even
now, and I tell you--perhaps because I am stupid and such thoughts
were not the right food for my mind--they did me nothing but harm.
That's easy to understand! Thoughts of the aimlessness of life, of
the insignificance and transitoriness of the visible world, Solomon's
'vanity of vanities' have been, and are to this day, the highest
and final stage in the realm of thought. The thinker reaches that
stage and--comes to a halt! There is nowhere further to go. The
activity of the normal brain is completed with this, and that is
natural and in the order of things. Our misfortune is that we begin
thinking at that end. What normal people end with we begin with.
From the first start, as soon as the brain begins working independently,
we mount to the very topmost, final step and refuse to know anything
about the steps below."

"What harm is there in that?" said the student.

"But you must understand that it's abnormal," shouted Ananyev,
looking at him almost wrathfully. "If we find means of mounting to
the topmost step without the help of the lower ones, then the whole
long ladder, that is the whole of life, with its colours, sounds,
and thoughts, loses all meaning for us. That at your age such
reflections are harmful and absurd, you can see from every step of
your rational independent life. Let us suppose you sit down this
minute to read Darwin or Shakespeare, you have scarcely read a page
before the poison shows itself; and your long life, and Shakespeare,
and Darwin, seem to you nonsense, absurdity, because you know you
will die, that Shakespeare and Darwin have died too, that their
thoughts have not saved them, nor the earth, nor you, and that if
life is deprived of meaning in that way, all science, poetry, and
exalted thoughts seem only useless diversions, the idle playthings
of grown up people; and you leave off reading at the second page.
Now, let us suppose that people come to you as an intelligent man
and ask your opinion about war, for instance: whether it is desirable,
whether it is morally justifiable or not. In answer to that terrible
question you merely shrug your shoulders and confine yourself to
some commonplace, because for you, with your way of thinking, it
makes absolutely no difference whether hundreds of thousands of
people die a violent death, or a natural one: the results are the
same--ashes and oblivion. You and I are building a railway line.
What's the use, one may ask, of our worrying our heads, inventing,
rising above the hackneyed thing, feeling for the workmen, stealing
or not stealing, when we know that this railway line will turn to
dust within two thousand years, and so on, and so on. . . . You
must admit that with such a disastrous way of looking at things
there can be no progress, no science, no art, nor even thought
itself. We fancy that we are cleverer than the crowd, and than
Shakespeare. In reality our thinking leads to nothing because we
have no inclination to go down to the lower steps and there is
nowhere higher to go, so our brain stands at the freezing point--neither
up nor down; I was in bondage to these ideas for six years,
and by all that is holy, I never read a sensible book all that time,
did not gain a ha'porth of wisdom, and did not raise my moral
standard an inch. Was not that disastrous? Moreover, besides being
corrupted ourselves, we bring poison into the lives of those
surrounding us. It would be all right if, with our pessimism, we
renounced life, went to live in a cave, or made haste to die, but,
as it is, in obedience to the universal law, we live, feel, love
women, bring up children, construct railways!"

"Our thoughts make no one hot or cold," the student said reluctantly.

"Ah! there you are again!--do stop it! You have not yet had a
good sniff at life. But when you have lived as long as I have you
will know a thing or two! Our theory of life is not so innocent as
you suppose. In practical life, in contact with human beings, it
leads to nothing but horrors and follies. It has been my lot to
pass through experiences which I would not wish a wicked Tatar to
endure."

"For instance?" I asked.

"For instance?" repeated the engineer.

He thought a minute, smiled and said:

"For instance, take this example. More correctly, it is not an
example, but a regular drama, with a plot and a dénouement. An
excellent lesson! Ah, what a lesson!"

He poured out wine for himself and us, emptied his glass, stroked
his broad chest with his open hands, and went on, addressing himself
more to me than to the student.

"It was in the year 187--, soon after the war, and when I had just
left the University. I was going to the Caucasus, and on the way
stopped for five days in the seaside town of N. I must tell you
that I was born and grew up in that town, and so there is nothing
odd in my thinking N. extraordinarily snug, cosy, and beautiful,
though for a man from Petersburg or Moscow, life in it would be as
dreary and comfortless as in any Tchuhloma or Kashira. With melancholy
I passed by the high school where I had been a pupil; with melancholy
I walked about the very familiar park, I made a melancholy attempt
to get a nearer look at people I had not seen for a long time--all
with the same melancholy.

"Among other things, I drove out one evening to the so-called
Quarantine. It was a small mangy copse in which, at some forgotten
time of plague, there really had been a quarantine station, and
which was now the resort of summer visitors. It was a drive of three
miles from the town along a good soft road. As one drove along one
saw on the left the blue sea, on the right the unending gloomy
steppe; there was plenty of air to breathe, and wide views for the
eyes to rest on. The copse itself lay on the seashore. Dismissing
my cabman, I went in at the familiar gates and first turned along
an avenue leading to a little stone summer-house which I had been
fond of in my childhood. In my opinion that round, heavy summer-house
on its clumsy columns, which combined the romantic charm of an old
tomb with the ungainliness of a Sobakevitch,* was the most poetical
nook in the whole town. It stood at the edge above the cliff, and
from it there was a splendid view of the sea.

*A character in Gogol's _Dead Souls.--Translator's Note._

"I sat down on the seat, and, bending over the parapet, looked down.
A path ran from the summer-house along the steep, almost overhanging
cliff, between the lumps of clay and tussocks of burdock. Where it
ended, far below on the sandy shore, low waves were languidly foaming
and softly purring. The sea was as majestic, as infinite, and as
forbidding as seven years before when I left the high school and
went from my native town to the capital; in the distance there was
a dark streak of smoke--a steamer was passing--and except for
this hardly visible and motionless streak and the sea-swallows that
flitted over the water, there was nothing to give life to the
monotonous view of sea and sky. To right and left of the summer-house
stretched uneven clay cliffs.

"You know that when a man in a melancholy mood is left _tête-à-tête_
with the sea, or any landscape which seems to him grandiose, there
is always, for some reason, mixed with melancholy, a conviction
that he will live and die in obscurity, and he reflectively snatches
up a pencil and hastens to write his name on the first thing that
comes handy. And that, I suppose, is why all convenient solitary
nooks like my summer-house are always scrawled over in pencil or
carved with penknives. I remember as though it were to-day; looking
at the parapet I read: 'Ivan Korolkov, May 16, 1876.' Beside Korolkov
some local dreamer had scribbled freely, adding:

        "'He stood on the desolate ocean's strand,
           While his soul was filled with imaginings grand.'

And his handwriting was dreamy, limp like wet silk. An individual
called Kross, probably an insignificant, little man, felt his
unimportance so deeply that he gave full licence to his penknife
and carved his name in deep letters an inch high. I took a pencil
out of my pocket mechanically, and I too scribbled on one of the
columns. All that is irrelevant, however. . . You must forgive
me--I don't know how to tell a story briefly.

"I was sad and a little bored. Boredom, the stillness, and the
purring of the sea gradually brought me to the line of thought we
have been discussing. At that period, towards the end of the
'seventies, it had begun to be fashionable with the public, and
later, at the beginning of the 'eighties, it gradually passed from
the general public into literature, science, and politics. I was
no more than twenty-six at the time, but I knew perfectly well that
life was aimless and had no meaning, that everything was a deception
and an illusion, that in its essential nature and results a life
of penal servitude in Sahalin was not in any way different from a
life spent in Nice, that the difference between the brain of a Kant
and the brain of a fly was of no real significance, that no one in
this world is righteous or guilty, that everything was stuff and
nonsense and damn it all! I lived as though I were doing a favour
to some unseen power which compelled me to live, and to which I
seemed to say: 'Look, I don't care a straw for life, but I am
living!' I thought on one definite line, but in all sorts of keys,
and in that respect I was like the subtle gourmand who could prepare
a hundred appetising dishes from nothing but potatoes. There is no
doubt that I was one-sided and even to some extent narrow, but I
fancied at the time that my intellectual horizon had neither beginning
nor end, and that my thought was as boundless as the sea. Well, as
far as I can judge by myself, the philosophy of which we are speaking
has something alluring, narcotic in its nature, like tobacco or
morphia. It becomes a habit, a craving. You take advantage of every
minute of solitude to gloat over thoughts of the aimlessness of
life and the darkness of the grave. While I was sitting in the
summer-house, Greek children with long noses were decorously walking
about the avenues. I took advantage of the occasion and, looking
at them, began reflecting in this style:

"'Why are these children born, and what are they living for? Is
there any sort of meaning in their existence? They grow up, without
themselves knowing what for; they will live in this God-forsaken,
comfortless hole for no sort of reason, and then they will die. . . .'

"And I actually felt vexed with those children because they were
walking about decorously and talking with dignity, as though they
did not hold their little colourless lives so cheap and knew what
they were living for. . . . I remember that far away at the end of
an avenue three feminine figures came into sight. Three young ladies,
one in a pink dress, two in white, were walking arm-in-arm, talking
and laughing. Looking after them, I thought:

"'It wouldn't be bad to have an affair with some woman for a couple
of days in this dull place.'

"I recalled by the way that it was three weeks since I had visited
my Petersburg lady, and thought that a passing love affair would
come in very appropriately for me just now. The young lady in white
in the middle was rather younger and better looking than her
companions, and judging by her manners and her laugh, she was a
high-school girl in an upper form. I looked, not without impure
thoughts, at her bust, and at the same time reflected about her:
'She will be trained in music and manners, she will be married to
some Greek--God help us!--will lead a grey, stupid, comfortless
life, will bring into the world a crowd of children without knowing
why, and then will die. An absurd life!'

"I must say that as a rule I was a great hand at combining my lofty
ideas with the lowest prose.

"Thoughts of the darkness of the grave did not prevent me from
giving busts and legs their full due. Our dear Baron's exalted ideas
do not prevent him from going on Saturdays to Vukolovka on amatory
expeditions. To tell the honest truth, as far as I remember, my
attitude to women was most insulting. Now, when I think of that
high-school girl, I blush for my thoughts then, but at the time my
conscience was perfectly untroubled. I, the son of honourable
parents, a Christian, who had received a superior education, not
naturally wicked or stupid, felt not the slightest uneasiness when
I paid women _Blutgeld_, as the Germans call it, or when I followed
high-school girls with insulting looks. . . . The trouble is that
youth makes its demands, and our philosophy has nothing in principle
against those demands, whether they are good or whether they are
loathsome. One who knows that life is aimless and death inevitable
is not interested in the struggle against nature or the conception
of sin: whether you struggle or whether you don't, you will die and
rot just the same. . . . Secondly, my friends, our philosophy instils
even into very young people what is called reasonableness. The
predominance of reason over the heart is simply overwhelming amongst
us. Direct feeling, inspiration--everything is choked by petty
analysis. Where there is reasonableness there is coldness, and cold
people--it's no use to disguise it--know nothing of chastity.
That virtue is only known to those who are warm, affectionate, and
capable of love. Thirdly, our philosophy denies the significance
of each individual personality. It's easy to see that if I deny the
personality of some Natalya Stepanovna, it's absolutely nothing to
me whether she is insulted or not. To-day one insults her dignity
as a human being and pays her _Blutgeld_, and next day thinks no
more of her.

"So I sat in the summer-house and watched the young ladies. Another
woman's figure appeared in the avenue, with fair hair, her head
uncovered and a white knitted shawl on her shoulders. She walked
along the avenue, then came into the summer-house, and taking hold
of the parapet, looked indifferently below and into the distance
over the sea. As she came in she paid no attention to me, as though
she did not notice me. I scrutinised her from foot to head (not
from head to foot, as one scrutinises men) and found that she was
young, not more than five-and-twenty, nice-looking, with a good
figure, in all probability married and belonging to the class of
respectable women. She was dressed as though she were at home, but
fashionably and with taste, as ladies are, as a rule, in N.

"'This one would do nicely,' I thought, looking at her handsome
figure and her arms; 'she is all right. . . . She is probably the
wife of some doctor or schoolmaster. . . .'

"But to make up to her--that is, to make her the heroine of one
of those impromptu affairs to which tourists are so prone--was
not easy and, indeed, hardly possible. I felt that as I gazed at
her face. The way she looked, and the expression of her face,
suggested that the sea, the smoke in the distance, and the sky had
bored her long, long ago, and wearied her sight. She seemed to be
tired, bored, and thinking about something dreary, and her face had
not even that fussy, affectedly indifferent expression which one
sees in the face of almost every woman when she is conscious of the
presence of an unknown man in her vicinity.

"The fair-haired lady took a bored and passing glance at me, sat
down on a seat and sank into reverie, and from her face I saw that
she had no thoughts for me, and that I, with my Petersburg appearance,
did not arouse in her even simple curiosity. But yet I made up my
mind to speak to her, and asked: 'Madam, allow me to ask you at
what time do the waggonettes go from here to the town?'

"'At ten or eleven, I believe. . . .'"

"I thanked her. She glanced at me once or twice, and suddenly there
was a gleam of curiosity, then of something like wonder on her
passionless face. . . . I made haste to assume an indifferent
expression and to fall into a suitable attitude; she was catching
on! She suddenly jumped up from the seat, as though something had
bitten her, and examining me hurriedly, with a gentle smile, asked
timidly:

"'Oh, aren't you Ananyev?'

"'Yes, I am Ananyev,' I answered.

"'And don't you recognise me? No?'

"I was a little confused. I looked intently at her, and--would
you believe it?--I recognised her not from her face nor her figure,
but from her gentle, weary smile. It was Natalya Stepanovna, or,
as she was called, Kisotchka, the very girl I had been head over
ears in love with seven or eight years before, when I was wearing
the uniform of a high-school boy. The doings of far, vanished days,
the days of long ago. . . . I remember this Kisotchka, a thin little
high-school girl of fifteen or sixteen, when she was something just
for a schoolboy's taste, created by nature especially for Platonic
love. What a charming little girl she was! Pale, fragile, light--she
looked as though a breath would send her flying like a feather
to the skies--a gentle, perplexed face, little hands, soft long
hair to her belt, a waist as thin as a wasp's--altogether something
ethereal, transparent like moonlight--in fact, from the point of
view of a high-school boy a peerless beauty. . . . Wasn't I in love
with her! I did not sleep at night. I wrote verses. . . . Sometimes
in the evenings she would sit on a seat in the park while we
schoolboys crowded round her, gazing reverently; in response to our
compliments, our sighing, and attitudinising, she would shrink
nervously from the evening damp, screw up her eyes, and smile gently,
and at such times she was awfully like a pretty little kitten. As
we gazed at her every one of us had a desire to caress her and
stroke her like a cat, hence her nickname of Kisotchka.

"In the course of the seven or eight years since we had met, Kisotchka
had greatly changed. She had grown more robust and stouter, and had
quite lost the resemblance to a soft, fluffy kitten. It was not
that her features looked old or faded, but they had somehow lost
their brilliance and looked sterner, her hair seemed shorter, she
looked taller, and her shoulders were quite twice as broad, and
what was most striking, there was already in her face the expression
of motherliness and resignation commonly seen in respectable women
of her age, and this, of course, I had never seen in her before. . . .
In short, of the school-girlish and the Platonic her face had
kept the gentle smile and nothing more. . . .

"We got into conversation. Learning that I was already an engineer,
Kisotchka was immensely delighted.

"'How good that is!' she said, looking joyfully into my face. 'Ah,
how good! And how splendid you all are! Of all who left with you,
not one has been a failure--they have all turned out well. One
an engineer, another a doctor, a third a teacher, another, they
say, is a celebrated singer in Petersburg. . . . You are all splendid,
all of you. . . . Ah, how good that is!'

"Kisotchka's eyes shone with genuine goodwill and gladness. She was
admiring me like an elder sister or a former governess. 'While I
looked at her sweet face and thought, It wouldn't be bad to get
hold of her to-day!'

"'Do you remember, Natalya Stepanovna,' I asked her, 'how I once
brought you in the park a bouquet with a note in it? You read my
note, and such a look of bewilderment came into your face. . . .'

"'No, I don't remember that,' she said, laughing. 'But I remember
how you wanted to challenge Florens to a duel over me. . . .'

"'Well, would you believe it, I don't remember that. . . .'

"'Well, that's all over and done with . . .' sighed Kisotchka. 'At
one time I was your idol, and now it is my turn to look up to all
of you. . . .'

"From further conversation I learned that two years after leaving
the high school, Kisotchka had been married to a resident in the
town who was half Greek, half Russian, had a post either in the
bank or in the insurance society, and also carried on a trade in
corn. He had a strange surname, something in the style of Populaki
or Skarandopulo. . . . Goodness only knows--I have forgotten. . . .
As a matter of fact, Kisotchka spoke little and with reluctance
about herself. The conversation was only about me. She asked me
about the College of Engineering, about my comrades, about Petersburg,
about my plans, and everything I said moved her to eager delight
and exclamations of, 'Oh, how good that is!'

"We went down to the sea and walked over the sands; then when the
night air began to blow chill and damp from the sea we climbed up
again. All the while our talk was of me and of the past. We walked
about until the reflection of the sunset had died away from the
windows of the summer villas.

"'Come in and have some tea,' Kisotchka suggested. 'The samovar
must have been on the table long ago. . . . I am alone at home,'
she said, as her villa came into sight through the green of the
acacias. 'My husband is always in the town and only comes home at
night, and not always then, and I must own that I am so dull that
it's simply deadly.'

"I followed her in, admiring her back and shoulders. I was glad
that she was married. Married women are better material for temporary
love affairs than girls. I was also pleased that her husband was
not at home. At the same time I felt that the affair would not come
off. . . .

"We went into the house. The rooms were smallish and had low ceilings,
and the furniture was typical of the summer villa (Russians like
having at their summer villas uncomfortable heavy, dingy furniture
which they are sorry to throw away and have nowhere to put), but
from certain details I could observe that Kisotchka and her husband
were not badly off, and must be spending five or six thousand roubles
a year. I remember that in the middle of the room which Kisotchka
called the dining-room there was a round table, supported for some
reason on six legs, and on it a samovar and cups. At the edge of
the table lay an open book, a pencil, and an exercise book. I glanced
at the book and recognised it as 'Malinin and Burenin's Arithmetical
Examples.' It was open, as I now remember, at the 'Rules of Compound
Interest.'

"'To whom are you giving lessons?' I asked Kisotchka.

"'Nobody,' she answered. 'I am just doing some. . . . I have nothing
to do, and am so bored that I think of the old days and do sums.'

"'Have you any children?'

"'I had a baby boy, but he only lived a week.'

"We began drinking tea. Admiring me, Kisotchka said again how good
it was that I was an engineer, and how glad she was of my success.
And the more she talked and the more genuinely she smiled, the
stronger was my conviction that I should go away without having
gained my object. I was a connoisseur in love affairs in those days,
and could accurately gauge my chances of success. You can boldly
reckon on success if you are tracking down a fool or a woman as
much on the look out for new experiences and sensations as yourself,
or an adventuress to whom you are a stranger. If you come across a
sensible and serious woman, whose face has an expression of weary
submission and goodwill, who is genuinely delighted at your presence,
and, above all, respects you, you may as well turn back. To succeed
in that case needs longer than one day.

"And by evening light Kisotchka seemed even more charming than by
day. She attracted me more and more, and apparently she liked me
too, and the surroundings were most appropriate: the husband not
at home, no servants visible, stillness around. . . . Though I had
little confidence in success, I made up my mind to begin the attack
anyway. First of all it was necessary to get into a familiar tone
and to change Kisotchka's lyrically earnest mood into a more frivolous
one.

"'Let us change the conversation, Natalya Stepanovna,' I began.
'Let us talk of something amusing. First of all, allow me, for the
sake of old times, to call you Kisotchka.'

"She allowed me.

"'Tell me, please, Kisotchka,' I went on, 'what is the matter with
all the fair sex here. What has happened to them? In old days they
were all so moral and virtuous, and now, upon my word, if one asks
about anyone, one is told such things that one is quite shocked at
human nature. . . . One young lady has eloped with an officer;
another has run away and carried off a high-school boy with her;
another--a married woman--has run away from her husband with
an actor; a fourth has left her husband and gone off with an officer,
and so on and so on. It's a regular epidemic! If it goes on like
this there won't be a girl or a young woman left in your town!'

"I spoke in a vulgar, playful tone. If Kisotchka had laughed in
response I should have gone on in this style: 'You had better look
out, Kisotchka, or some officer or actor will be carrying you off!'
She would have dropped her eyes and said: 'As though anyone would
care to carry me off; there are plenty younger and better looking
. . . .' And I should have said: 'Nonsense, Kisotchka--I for one
should be delighted!' And so on in that style, and it would all
have gone swimmingly. But Kisotchka did not laugh in response; on
the contrary, she looked grave and sighed.

"'All you have been told is true,' she said. 'My cousin Sonya ran
away from her husband with an actor. Of course, it is wrong. . . .
Everyone ought to bear the lot that fate has laid on him, but I do
not condemn them or blame them. . . . Circumstances are sometimes
too strong for anyone!'

"'That is so, Kisotchka, but what circumstances can produce a
regular epidemic?'

"'It's very simple and easy to understand,' replied Kisotchka,
raising her eyebrows. 'There is absolutely nothing for us educated
girls and women to do with ourselves. Not everyone is able to go
to the University, to become a teacher, to live for ideas, in fact,
as men do. They have to be married. . . . And whom would you have
them marry? You boys leave the high-school and go away to the
University, never to return to your native town again, and you marry
in Petersburg or Moscow, while the girls remain. . . . To whom are
they to be married? Why, in the absence of decent cultured men,
goodness knows what sort of men they marry--stockbrokers and such
people of all kinds, who can do nothing but drink and get into rows
at the club. . . . A girl married like that, at random. . . . And
what is her life like afterwards? You can understand: a well-educated,
cultured woman is living with a stupid, boorish man; if she meets
a cultivated man, an officer, an actor, or a doctor--well, she
gets to love him, her life becomes unbearable to her, and she runs
away from her husband. And one can't condemn her!'

"'If that is so, Kisotchka, why get married?' I asked.

"'Yes, of course,' said Kisotchka with a sigh, 'but you know every
girl fancies that any husband is better than nothing. . . . Altogether
life is horrid here, Nikolay Anastasyevitch, very horrid! Life is
stifling for a girl and stifling when one is married. . . . Here
they laugh at Sonya for having run away from her husband, but if
they could see into her soul they would not laugh. . . .'"

Azorka began barking outside again. He growled angrily at some one,
then howled miserably and dashed with all his force against the
wall of the hut. . . . Ananyev's face was puckered with pity; he
broke off his story and went out. For two minutes he could be heard
outside comforting his dog. "Good dog! poor dog!"

"Our Nikolay Anastasyevitch is fond of talking," said Von Schtenberg,
laughing. "He is a good fellow," he added after a brief silence.

Returning to the hut, the engineer filled up our glasses and, smiling
and stroking his chest, went on:

"And so my attack was unsuccessful. There was nothing for it, I put
off my unclean thoughts to a more favourable occasion, resigned
myself to my failure and, as the saying is, waved my hand. What is
more, under the influence of Kisotchka's voice, the evening air,
and the stillness, I gradually myself fell into a quiet sentimental
mood. I remember I sat in an easy chair by the wide-open window and
glanced at the trees and darkened sky. The outlines of the acacias
and the lime trees were just the same as they had been eight years
before; just as then, in the days of my childhood, somewhere far
away there was the tinkling of a wretched piano, and the public had
just the same habit of sauntering to and fro along the avenues, but
the people were not the same. Along the avenues there walked now
not my comrades and I and the object of my adoration, but schoolboys
and young ladies who were strangers. And I felt melancholy. When
to my inquiries about acquaintances I five times received from
Kisotchka the answer, 'He is dead,' my melancholy changed into the
feeling one has at the funeral service of a good man. And sitting
there at the window, looking at the promenading public and listening
to the tinkling piano, I saw with my own eyes for the first time
in my life with what eagerness one generation hastens to replace
another, and what a momentous significance even some seven or eight
years may have in a man's life!

"Kisotchka put a bottle of red wine on the table. I drank it off,
grew sentimental, and began telling a long story about something
or other. Kisotchka listened as before, admiring me and my cleverness.
And time passed. The sky was by now so dark that the outlines of
the acacias and lime trees melted into one, the public was no longer
walking up and down the avenues, the piano was silent and the only
sound was the even murmur of the sea.

"Young people are all alike. Be friendly to a young man, make much
of him, regale him with wine, let him understand that he is attractive
and he will sit on and on, forget that it is time to go, and talk
and talk and talk. . . . His hosts cannot keep their eyes open,
it's past their bedtime, and he still stays and talks. That was
what I did. Once I chanced to look at the clock; it was half-past
ten. I began saying good-bye.

"'Have another glass before your walk,' said Kisotchka.

"I took another glass, again I began talking at length, forgot it
was time to go, and sat down. Then there came the sound of men's
voices, footsteps and the clank of spurs.

"'I think my husband has come in . . . .' said Kisotchka listening.

"The door creaked, two voices came now from the passage and I saw
two men pass the door that led into the dining-room: one a stout,
solid, dark man with a hooked nose, wearing a straw hat, and the
other a young officer in a white tunic. As they passed the door
they both glanced casually and indifferently at Kisotchka and me,
and I fancied both of them were drunk.

"'She told you a lie then, and you believed her!' we heard a loud
voice with a marked nasal twang say a minute later. 'To begin with,
it wasn't at the big club but at the little one.'

"'You are angry, Jupiter, so you are wrong . . . .' said another
voice, obviously the officer's, laughing and coughing. 'I say, can
I stay the night? Tell me honestly, shall I be in your way?'

"'What a question! Not only you can, but you must. What will you
have, beer or wine?'

"They were sitting two rooms away from us, talking loudly, and
apparently feeling no interest in Kisotchka or her visitor. A
perceptible change came over Kisotchka on her husband's arrival.
At first she flushed red, then her face wore a timid, guilty
expression; she seemed to be troubled by some anxiety, and I began
to fancy that she was ashamed to show me her husband and wanted me
to go.

"I began taking leave. Kisotchka saw me to the front door. I remember
well her gentle mournful smile and kind patient eyes as she pressed
my hand and said:

"'Most likely we shall never see each other again. Well, God give
you every blessing. Thank you!'

"Not one sigh, not one fine phrase. As she said good-bye she was
holding the candle in her hand; patches of light danced over her
face and neck, as though chasing her mournful smile. I pictured to
myself the old Kisotchka whom one used to want to stroke like a
cat, I looked intently at the present Kisotchka, and for some reason
recalled her words: 'Everyone ought to bear the lot that fate has
laid on him.' And I had a pang at my heart. I instinctively guessed
how it was, and my conscience whispered to me that I, in my happiness
and indifference, was face to face with a good, warm-hearted, loving
creature, who was broken by suffering.

"I said good-bye and went to the gate. By now it was quite dark.
In the south the evenings draw in early in July and it gets dark
rapidly. Towards ten o'clock it is so dark that you can't see an
inch before your nose. I lighted a couple of dozen matches before,
almost groping, I found my way to the gate.

"'Cab!' I shouted, going out of the gate; not a sound, not a sigh
in answer. . . . 'Cab,' I repeated, 'hey, Cab!'

"But there was no cab of any description. The silence of the grave.
I could hear nothing but the murmur of the drowsy sea and the beating
of my heart from the wine. Lifting my eyes to the sky I found not
a single star. It was dark and sullen. Evidently the sky was covered
with clouds. For some reason I shrugged my shoulders, smiling
foolishly, and once more, not quite so resolutely, shouted for a
cab.

"The echo answered me. A walk of three miles across open country
and in the pitch dark was not an agreeable prospect. Before making
up my mind to walk, I spent a long time deliberating and shouting
for a cab; then, shrugging my shoulders, I walked lazily back to
the copse, with no definite object in my mind. It was dreadfully
dark in the copse. Here and there between the trees the windows of
the summer villas glowed a dull red. A raven, disturbed by my steps
and the matches with which I lighted my way to the summer-house,
flew from tree to tree and rustled among the leaves. I felt vexed
and ashamed, and the raven seemed to understand this, and croaked
'krrra!' I was vexed that I had to walk, and ashamed that I had
stayed on at Kisotchka's, chatting like a boy.

"I made my way to the summer-house, felt for the seat and sat down.
Far below me, behind a veil of thick darkness, the sea kept up a
low angry growl. I remember that, as though I were blind, I could
see neither sky nor sea, nor even the summer-house in which I was
sitting. And it seemed to me as though the whole world consisted
only of the thoughts that were straying through my head, dizzy from
the wine, and of an unseen power murmuring monotonously somewhere
below. And afterwards, as I sank into a doze, it began to seem that
it was not the sea murmuring, but my thoughts, and that the whole
world consisted of nothing but me. And concentrating the whole world
in myself in this way, I thought no more of cabs, of the town, and
of Kisotchka, and abandoned myself to the sensation I was so fond
of: that is, the sensation of fearful isolation when you feel that
in the whole universe, dark and formless, you alone exist. It is a
proud, demoniac sensation, only possible to Russians whose thoughts
and sensations are as large, boundless, and gloomy as their plains,
their forests, and their snow. If I had been an artist I should
certainly have depicted the expression of a Russian's face when he
sits motionless and, with his legs under him and his head clasped
in his hands, abandons himself to this sensation. . . . And together
with this sensation come thoughts of the aimlessness of life, of
death, and of the darkness of the grave. . . . The thoughts are not
worth a brass farthing, but the expression of face must be fine. . . .

"While I was sitting and dozing, unable to bring myself to get
up--I was warm and comfortable--all at once, against the even
monotonous murmur of the sea, as though upon a canvas, sounds began
to grow distinct which drew my attention from myself. . . . Someone
was coming hurriedly along the avenue. Reaching the summer-house
this someone stopped, gave a sob like a little girl, and said in
the voice of a weeping child: 'My God, when will it all end! Merciful
Heavens!'

"Judging from the voice and the weeping I took it to be a little
girl of ten or twelve. She walked irresolutely into the summer-house,
sat down, and began half-praying, half-complaining aloud. . . .

"'Merciful God!' she said, crying, 'it's unbearable. It's beyond
all endurance! I suffer in silence, but I want to live too. . . .
Oh, my God! My God!'

"And so on in the same style.

"I wanted to look at the child and speak to her. So as not to
frighten her I first gave a loud sigh and coughed, then cautiously
struck a match. . . . There was a flash of bright light in the
darkness, which lighted up the weeping figure. It was Kisotchka!"

"Marvels upon marvels!" said Von Schtenberg with a sigh. "Black
night, the murmur of the sea; she in grief, he with a sensation of
world--solitude. . . . It's too much of a good thing. . . . You
only want Circassians with daggers to complete it."

"I am not telling you a tale, but fact."

"Well, even if it is a fact . . . it all proves nothing, and there
is nothing new in it. . . ."

"Wait a little before you find fault! Let me finish," said Ananyev,
waving his hand with vexation; "don't interfere, please! I am not
telling you, but the doctor. . . . Well," he went on, addressing
me and glancing askance at the student who bent over his books and
seemed very well satisfied at having gibed at the engineer--"well,
Kisotchka was not surprised or frightened at seeing me. It seemed
as though she had known beforehand that she would find me in the
summer-house. She was breathing in gasps and trembling all over as
though in a fever, while her tear-stained face, so far as I could
distinguish it as I struck match after match, was not the intelligent,
submissive weary face I had seen before, but something different,
which I cannot understand to this day. It did not express pain, nor
anxiety, nor misery--nothing of what was expressed by her words
and her tears. . . . I must own that, probably because I did not
understand it, it looked to me senseless and as though she were
drunk.

"'I can't bear it,' muttered Kisotchka in the voice of a crying
child. 'It's too much for me, Nikolay Anastasyitch. Forgive me,
Nikolav Anastasyitch. I can't go on living like this. . . . I am
going to the town to my mother's. . . . Take me there. . . . Take
me there, for God's sake!'

"In the presence of tears I can neither speak nor be silent. I was
flustered and muttered some nonsense trying to comfort her.

"'No, no; I will go to my mother's,' said Kisotchka resolutely,
getting up and clutching my arm convulsively (her hands and her
sleeves were wet with tears). 'Forgive me, Nikolay Anastasyitch, I
am going. . . . I can bear no more. . . .'

"'Kisotchka, but there isn't a single cab,' I said. 'How can you
go?'

"'No matter, I'll walk. . . . It's not far. I can't bear it. . . .'

"I was embarrassed, but not touched. Kisotchka's tears, her trembling,
and the blank expression of her face suggested to me a trivial,
French or Little Russian melodrama, in which every ounce of cheap
shallow feeling is washed down with pints of tears.

"I didn t understand her, and knew I did not understand her; I ought
to have been silent, but for some reason, most likely for fear my
silence might be taken for stupidity, I thought fit to try to
persuade her not to go to her mother's, but to stay at home. When
people cry, they don't like their tears to be seen. And I lighted
match after match and went on striking till the box was empty. What
I wanted with this ungenerous illumination, I can't conceive to
this day. Cold-hearted people are apt to be awkward, and even stupid.

"In the end Kisotchka took my arm and we set off. Going out of the
gate, we turned to the right and sauntered slowly along the soft
dusty road. It was dark. As my eyes grew gradually accustomed to
the darkness, I began to distinguish the silhouettes of the old
gaunt oaks and lime trees which bordered the road. The jagged,
precipitous cliffs, intersected here and there by deep, narrow
ravines and creeks, soon showed indistinctly, a black streak on the
right. Low bushes nestled by the hollows, looking like sitting
figures. It was uncanny. I looked sideways suspiciously at the
cliffs, and the murmur of the sea and the stillness of the country
alarmed my imagination. Kisotchka did not speak. She was still
trembling, and before she had gone half a mile she was exhausted
with walking and was out of breath. I too was silent.

"Three-quarters of a mile from the Quarantine Station there was a
deserted building of four storeys, with a very high chimney in which
there had once been a steam flour mill. It stood solitary on the
cliff, and by day it could be seen for a long distance, both by sea
and by land. Because it was deserted and no one lived in it, and
because there was an echo in it which distinctly repeated the steps
and voices of passers-by, it seemed mysterious. Picture me in the
dark night arm-in-arm with a woman who was running away from her
husband near this tall long monster which repeated the sound of
every step I took and stared at me fixedly with its hundred black
windows. A normal young man would have been moved to romantic
feelings in such surroundings, but I looked at the dark windows and
thought: 'All this is very impressive, but time will come when of
that building and of Kisotchka and her troubles and of me with my
thoughts, not one grain of dust will remain. . . . All is nonsense
and vanity. . . .'

"When we reached the flour mill Kisotchka suddenly stopped, took
her arm out of mine, and said, no longer in a childish voice, but
in her own:

"'Nikolay Anastasvitch, I know all this seems strange to you. But
I am terribly unhappy! And you cannot even imagine how unhappy!
It's impossible to imagine it! I don't tell you about it because
one can't talk about it. . . . Such a life, such a life! . . .'

"Kisotchka did not finish. She clenched her teeth and moaned as
though she were doing her utmost not to scream with pain.

"'Such a life!' she repeated with horror, with the cadence and the
southern, rather Ukrainian accent which particularly in women gives
to emotional speech the effect of singing. 'It is a life! Ah, my
God, my God! what does it mean? Oh, my God, my God!'

"As though trying to solve the riddle of her fate, she shrugged her
shoulders in perplexity, shook her head, and clasped her hands. She
spoke as though she were singing, moved gracefully, and reminded
me of a celebrated Little Russian actress.

"'Great God, it is as though I were in a pit,' she went on. 'If
one could live for one minute in happiness as other people live!
Oh, my God, my God! I have come to such disgrace that before a
stranger I am running away from my husband by night, like some
disreputable creature! Can I expect anything good after that?'

"As I admired her movements and her voice, I began to feel annoyed
that she was not on good terms with her husband. 'It would be nice
to have got on into relations with her!' flitted through my mind;
and this pitiless thought stayed in my brain, haunted me all the
way and grew more and more alluring.

"About a mile from the flour mill we had to turn to the left by the
cemetery. At the turning by the corner of the cemetery there stood
a stone windmill, and by it a little hut in which the miller lived.
We passed the mill and the hut, turned to the left and reached the
gates of the cemetery. There Kisotchka stopped and said:

"'I am going back, Nikolay Anastasyitch! You go home, and God bless
you, but I am going back. I am not frightened.'

"'Well, what next!' I said, disconcerted. 'If you are going, you
had better go!'

"'I have been too hasty. . . . It was all about nothing that
mattered. You and your talk took me back to the past and put all
sort of ideas into my head. . . . I was sad and wanted to cry, and
my husband said rude things to me before that officer, and I could
not bear it. . . . And what's the good of my going to the town to
my mother's? Will that make me any happier? I must go back. . . .
But never mind . . . let us go on,' said Kisotchka, and she laughed.
'It makes no difference!'

"I remembered that over the gate of the cemetery there was an
inscription: 'The hour will come wherein all they that lie in the
grave will hear the voice of the Son of God.' I knew very well that
sooner or later I and Kisotchka and her husband and the officer in
the white tunic would lie under the dark trees in the churchyard;
I knew that an unhappy and insulted fellow-creature was walking
beside me. All this I recognised distinctly, but at the same time
I was troubled by an oppressive and unpleasant dread that Kisotchka
would turn back, and that I should not manage to say to her what
had to be said. Never at any other time in my life have thoughts
of a higher order been so closely interwoven with the basest animal
prose as on that night. . . . It was horrible!

"Not far from the cemetery we found a cab. When we reached the High
Street, where Kisotchka's mother lived, we dismissed the cab and
walked along the pavement. Kisotchka was silent all the while, while
I looked at her, and I raged at myself, 'Why don't you begin? Now's
the time!' About twenty paces from the hotel where I was staying,
Kisotchka stopped by the lamp-post and burst into tears.

"'Nikolay Anastasyitch!' she said, crying and laughing and looking
at me with wet shining eyes, 'I shall never forget your sympathy
. . . . How good you are! All of you are so splendid--all of you!
Honest, great-hearted, kind, clever. . . . Ah, how good that is!'

"She saw in me a highly educated man, advanced in every sense of
the word, and on her tear-stained laughing face, together with the
emotion and enthusiasm aroused by my personality, there was clearly
written regret that she so rarely saw such people, and that God had
not vouchsafed her the bliss of being the wife of one of them. She
muttered, 'Ah, how splendid it is!' The childish gladness on her
face, the tears, the gentle smile, the soft hair, which had escaped
from under the kerchief, and the kerchief itself thrown carelessly
over her head, in the light of the street lamp reminded me of the
old Kisotchka whom one had wanted to stroke like a kitten.

"I could not restrain myself, and began stroking her hair, her
shoulders, and her hands.

"'Kisotchka, what do you want?' I muttered. 'I'll go to the ends
of the earth with you if you like! I will take you out of this hole
and give you happiness. I love you. . . . Let us go, my sweet? Yes?
Will you?'

"Kisotchka's face was flooded with bewilderment. She stepped back
from the street lamp and, completely overwhelmed, gazed at me with
wide-open eyes. I gripped her by the arm, began showering kisses
on her face, her neck, her shoulders, and went on making vows and
promises. In love affairs vows and promises are almost a physiological
necessity. There's no getting on without them. Sometimes you know
you are lying and that promises are not necessary, but still you
vow and protest. Kisotchka, utterly overwhelmed, kept staggering
back and gazing at me with round eyes.

"'Please don't! Please don't!' she muttered, holding me off with
her hands.

"I clasped her tightly in my arms. All at once she broke into
hysterical tears. And her face had the same senseless blank expression
that I had seen in the summer-house when I lighted the matches.
Without asking her consent, preventing her from speaking, I dragged
her forcibly towards my hotel. She seemed almost swooning and did
not walk, but I took her under the arms and almost carried her. . . .
I remember, as we were going up the stairs, some man with a red
band in his cap looked wonderingly at me and bowed to Kisotchka. . . ."

Ananyev flushed crimson and paused. He walked up and down near the
table in silence, scratched the back of his head with an air of
vexation, and several times shrugged his shoulders and twitched his
shoulder-blades, while a shiver ran down his huge back. The memory
was painful and made him ashamed, and he was struggling with himself.

"It's horrible!" he said, draining a glass of wine and shaking his
head. "I am told that in every introductory lecture on women's
diseases the medical students are admonished to remember that each
one of them has a mother, a sister, a fiancée, before undressing
and examining a female patient. . . . That advice would be very
good not only for medical students but for everyone who in one way
or another has to deal with a woman's life. Now that I have a wife
and a little daughter, oh, how well I understand that advice! How
I understand it, my God! You may as well hear the rest, though. . . .
As soon as she had become my mistress, Kisotchka's view of the
position was very different from mine. First of all she felt for
me a deep and passionate love. What was for me an ordinary amatory
episode was for her an absolute revolution in her life. I remember,
it seemed to me that she had gone out of her mind. Happy for the
first time in her life, looking five years younger, with an inspired
enthusiastic face, not knowing what to do with herself for happiness,
she laughed and cried and never ceased dreaming aloud how next day
we would set off for the Caucasus, then in the autumn to Petersburg;
how we would live afterwards.

"'Don't worry yourself about my husband,' she said to reassure me.
'He is bound to give me a divorce. Everyone in the town knows that
he is living with the elder Kostovitch. We will get a divorce and
be married.'

"When women love they become acclimatised and at home with people
very quickly, like cats. Kisotchka had only spent an hour and a
half in my room when she already felt as though she were at home
and was ready to treat my property as though it were her own. She
packed my things in my portmanteau, scolded me for not hanging my
new expensive overcoat on a peg instead of flinging it on a chair,
and so on.

"I looked at her, listened, and felt weariness and vexation. I was
conscious of a slight twinge of horror at the thought that a
respectable, honest, and unhappy woman had so easily, after some
three or four hours, succumbed to the first man she met. As a
respectable man, you see, I didn't like it. Then, too, I was
unpleasantly impressed by the fact that women of Kisotchka's sort,
not deep or serious, are too much in love with life, and exalt what
is in reality such a trifle as love for a man to the level of bliss,
misery, a complete revolution in life. . . . Moreover, now that I
was satisfied, I was vexed with myself for having been so stupid
as to get entangled with a woman whom I should have to deceive. And
in spite of my disorderly life I must observe that I could not bear
telling lies.

"I remember that Kisotchka sat down at my feet, laid her head on
my knees, and, looking at me with shining, loving eyes, asked:

"'Kolya, do you love me? Very, very much?'

"And she laughed with happiness. . . . This struck me as sentimental,
affected, and not clever; and meanwhile I was already inclined to
look for 'depth of thought' before everything.

"'Kisotchka, you had better go home,' I said, or else your people
will be sure to miss you and will be looking for you all over the
town; and it would be awkward for you to go to your mother in the
morning.'

"Kisotchka agreed. At parting we arranged to meet at midday next
morning in the park, and the day after to set off together to
Pyatigorsk. I went into the street to see her home, and I remember
that I caressed her with genuine tenderness on the way. There was
a minute when I felt unbearably sorry for her, for trusting me so
implicitly, and I made up my mind that I would really take her to
Pyatigorsk, but remembering that I had only six hundred roubles in
my portmanteau, and that it would be far more difficult to break
it off with her in the autumn than now, I made haste to suppress
my compassion.

"We reached the house where Kisotchka's mother lived. I pulled at
the bell. When footsteps were heard at the other side of the door
Kisotchka suddenly looked grave, glanced upwards to the sky, made
the sign of the Cross over me several times and, clutching my hand,
pressed it to her lips.

"'Till to-morrow,' she said, and disappeared into the house.

"I crossed to the opposite pavement and from there looked at the
house. At first the windows were in darkness, then in one of the
windows there was the glimmer of the faint bluish flame of a newly
lighted candle; the flame grew, gave more light, and I saw shadows
moving about the rooms together with it.

"'They did not expect her,' I thought.

"Returning to my hotel room I undressed, drank off a glass of red
wine, ate some fresh caviare which I had bought that day in the
bazaar, went to bed in a leisurely way, and slept the sound,
untroubled sleep of a tourist.

"In the morning I woke up with a headache and in a bad humour.
Something worried me.

"'What's the matter?' I asked myself, trying to explain my uneasiness.
'What's upsetting me?'

"And I put down my uneasiness to the dread that Kisotchka might
turn up any minute and prevent my going away, and that I should
have to tell lies and act a part before her. I hurriedly dressed,
packed my things, and left the hotel, giving instructions to the
porter to take my luggage to the station for the seven o'clock train
in the evening. I spent the whole day with a doctor friend and left
the town that evening. As you see, my philosophy did not prevent
me from taking to my heels in a mean and treacherous flight. . . .

"All the while that I was at my friend's, and afterwards driving
to the station, I was tormented by anxiety. I fancied that I was
afraid of meeting with Kisotchka and a scene. In the station I
purposely remained in the toilet room till the second bell rang,
and while I was making my way to my compartment, I was oppressed
by a feeling as though I were covered all over with stolen things.
With what impatience and terror I waited for the third bell!

"At last the third bell that brought my deliverance rang at last,
the train moved; we passed the prison, the barracks, came out into
the open country, and yet, to my surprise, the feeling of uneasiness
still persisted, and still I felt like a thief passionately longing
to escape. It was queer. To distract my mind and calm myself I
looked out of the window. The train ran along the coast. The sea
was smooth, and the turquoise sky, almost half covered with the
tender, golden crimson light of sunset, was gaily and serenely
mirrored in it. Here and there fishing boats and rafts made black
patches on its surface. The town, as clean and beautiful as a toy,
stood on the high cliff, and was already shrouded in the mist of
evening. The golden domes of its churches, the windows and the
greenery reflected the setting sun, glowing and melting like
shimmering gold. . . . The scent of the fields mingled with the
soft damp air from the sea.

"The train flew rapidly along. I heard the laughter of passengers
and guards. Everyone was good-humoured and light-hearted, yet my
unaccountable uneasiness grew greater and greater. . . . I looked
at the white mist that covered the town and I imagined how a woman
with a senseless blank face was hurrying up and down in that mist
by the churches and the houses, looking for me and moaning, 'Oh,
my God! Oh, my God!' in the voice of a little girl or the cadences
of a Little Russian actress. I recalled her grave face and big
anxious eyes as she made the sign of the Cross over me, as though
I belonged to her, and mechanically I looked at the hand which she
had kissed the day before.

"'Surely I am not in love?' I asked myself, scratching my hand.

"Only as night came on when the passengers were asleep and I was
left _tête-à-tête_ with my conscience, I began to understand what
I had not been able to grasp before. In the twilight of the railway
carriage the image of Kisotchka rose before me, haunted me and I
recognised clearly that I had committed a crime as bad as murder.
My conscience tormented me. To stifle this unbearable feeling, I
assured myself that everything was nonsense and vanity, that Kisotchka
and I would die and decay, that her grief was nothing in comparison
with death, and so on and so on . . . and that if you come to that,
there is no such thing as freewill, and that therefore I was not
to blame. But all these arguments only irritated me and were
extraordinarily quickly crowded out by other thoughts. There was a
miserable feeling in the hand that Kisotchka had kissed. . . . I
kept lying down and getting up again, drank vodka at the stations,
forced myself to eat bread and butter, fell to assuring myself again
that life had no meaning, but nothing was of any use. A strange and
if you like absurd ferment was going on in my brain. The most
incongruous ideas crowded one after another in disorder, getting
more and more tangled, thwarting each other, and I, the thinker,
'with my brow bent on the earth,' could make out nothing and could
not find my bearings in this mass of essential and non-essential
ideas. It appeared that I, the thinker, had not mastered the technique
of thinking, and that I was no more capable of managing my own brain
than mending a watch. For the first time in my life I was really
thinking eagerly and intensely, and that seemed to me so monstrous
that I said to myself: 'I am going off my head.' A man whose brain
does not work at all times, but only at painful moments, is often
haunted by the thought of madness.

"I spent a day and a night in this misery, then a second night, and
learning from experience how little my philosophy was to me, I came
to my senses and realised at last what sort of a creature I was. I
saw that my ideas were not worth a brass farthing, and that before
meeting Kisotchka I had not begun to think and had not even a
conception of what thinking in earnest meant; now through suffering
I realised that I had neither convictions nor a definite moral
standard, nor heart, nor reason; my whole intellectual and moral
wealth consisted of specialist knowledge, fragments, useless memories,
other people's ideas--and nothing else; and my mental processes
were as lacking in complexity, as useless and as rudimentary as a
Yakut's. . . . If I had disliked lying, had not stolen, had not
murdered, and, in fact, made obviously gross mistakes, that was not
owing to my convictions--I had none, but because I was in bondage,
hand and foot, to my nurse's fairy tales and to copy-book morals,
which had entered into my flesh and blood and without my noticing
it guided me in life, though I looked on them as absurd. . . .

"I realised that I was not a thinker, not a philosopher, but simply
a dilettante. God had given me a strong healthy Russian brain with
promise of talent. And, only fancy, here was that brain at twenty-six,
undisciplined, completely free from principles, not weighed down
by any stores of knowledge, but only lightly sprinkled with information
of a sort in the engineering line; it was young and had a physiological
craving for exercise, it was on the look-out for it, when all at
once quite casually the fine juicy idea of the aimlessness of life
and the darkness beyond the tomb descends upon it. It greedily sucks
it in, puts its whole outlook at its disposal and begins playing
with it, like a cat with a mouse. There is neither learning nor
system in the brain, but that does not matter. It deals with the
great ideas with its own innate powers, like a self-educated man,
and before a month has passed the owner of the brain can turn a
potato into a hundred dainty dishes, and fancies himself a
philosopher . . . .

"Our generation has carried this dilettantism, this playing with
serious ideas into science, into literature, into politics, and
into everything which it is not too lazy to go into, and with its
dilettantism has introduced, too, its coldness, its boredom, and
its one-sidedness and, as it seems to me, it has already succeeded
in developing in the masses a new hitherto non-existent attitude
to serious ideas.

"I realised and appreciated my abnormality and utter ignorance,
thanks to a misfortune. My normal thinking, so it seems to me now,
dates from the day when I began again from the A, B, C, when my
conscience sent me flying back to N., when with no philosophical
subleties I repented, besought Kisotchka's forgiveness like a naughty
boy and wept with her. . . ."

Ananyev briefly described his last interview with Kisotchka.

"H'm. . . ." the student filtered through his teeth when the engineer
had finished. "That's the sort of thing that happens."

His face still expressed mental inertia, and apparently Ananyev's
story had not touched him in the least. Only when the engineer after
a moment's pause, began expounding his view again and repeating
what he had said at first, the student frowned irritably, got up
from the table and walked away to his bed. He made his bed and began
undressing.

"You look as though you have really convinced some one this time,"
he said irritably.

"Me convince anybody!" said the engineer. "My dear soul, do you
suppose I claim to do that? God bless you! To convince you is
impossible. You can reach conviction only by way of personal
experience and suffering!"

"And then--it's queer logic!" grumbled the student as he put on
his nightshirt. "The ideas which you so dislike, which are so ruinous
for the young are, according to you, the normal thing for the old;
it's as though it were a question of grey hairs. . . . Where do the
old get this privilege? What is it based upon? If these ideas are
poison, they are equally poisonous for all?"

"Oh, no, my dear soul, don't say so!" said the engineer with a sly
wink. "Don't say so. In the first place, old men are not dilettanti.
Their pessimism comes to them not casually from outside, but from
the depths of their own brains, and only after they have exhaustively
studied the Hegels and Kants of all sorts, have suffered, have made
no end of mistakes, in fact--when they have climbed the whole
ladder from bottom to top. Their pessimism has both personal
experience and sound philosophic training behind it. Secondly, the
pessimism of old thinkers does not take the form of idle talk, as
it does with you and me, but of _Weltschmertz_, of suffering; it
rests in them on a Christian foundation because it is derived from
love for humanity and from thoughts about humanity, and is entirely
free from the egoism which is noticeable in dilettanti. You despise
life because its meaning and its object are hidden just from you,
and you are only afraid of your own death, while the real thinker
is unhappy because the truth is hidden from all and he is afraid
for all men. For instance, there is living not far from here the
Crown forester, Ivan Alexandritch. He is a nice old man. At one
time he was a teacher somewhere, and used to write something; the
devil only knows what he was, but anyway he is a remarkably clever
fellow and in philosophy he is A1. He has read a great deal and he
is continually reading now. Well, we came across him lately in the
Gruzovsky district. . . . They were laying the sleepers and rails
just at the time. It's not a difficult job, but Ivan Alexandritch,
not being a specialist, looked at it as though it were a conjuring
trick. It takes an experienced workman less than a minute to lay a
sleeper and fix a rail on it. The workmen were in good form and
really were working smartly and rapidly; one rascal in particular
brought his hammer down with exceptional smartness on the head of
the nail and drove it in at one blow, though the handle of the
hammer was two yards or more in length and each nail was a foot
long. Ivan Alexandritch watched the workmen a long time, was moved,
and said to me with tears in his eyes:

"'What a pity that these splendid men will die!' Such pessimism I
understand."

"All that proves nothing and explains nothing," said the student,
covering himself up with a sheet; "all that is simply pounding
liquid in a mortar. No one knows anything and nothing can be proved
by words."

He peeped out from under the sheet, lifted up his head and, frowning
irritably, said quickly:

"One must be very naïve to believe in human words and logic and to
ascribe any determining value to them. You can prove and disprove
anything you like with words, and people will soon perfect the
technique of language to such a point that they will prove with
mathematical certainty that twice two is seven. I am fond of reading
and listening, but as to believing, no thank you; I can't, and I
don't want to. I believe only in God, but as for you, if you talk
to me till the Second Coming and seduce another five hundred
Kisothchkas, I shall believe in you only when I go out of my mind
. . . . Goodnight."

The student hid his head under the sheet and turned his face towards
the wall, meaning by this action to let us know that he did not
want to speak or listen. The argument ended at that.

Before going to bed the engineer and I went out of the hut, and I
saw the lights once more.

"We have tired you out with our chatter," said Ananyev, yawning and
looking at the sky. "Well, my good sir! The only pleasure we have
in this dull hole is drinking and philosophising. . . . What an
embankment, Lord have mercy on us!" he said admiringly, as we
approached the embankment; "it is more like Mount Ararat than an
embankment."

He paused for a little, then said: "Those lights remind the Baron
of the Amalekites, but it seems to me that they are like the thoughts
of man. . . . You know the thoughts of each individual man are
scattered like that in disorder, stretch in a straight line towards
some goal in the midst of the darkness and, without shedding light
on anything, without lighting up the night, they vanish somewhere
far beyond old age. But enough philosophising! It's time to go
bye-bye."

When we were back in the hut the engineer began begging me to take
his bed.

"Oh please!" he said imploringly, pressing both hands on his heart.
"I entreat you, and don't worry about me! I can sleep anywhere,
and, besides, I am not going to bed just yet. Please do--it's a
favour!"

I agreed, undressed, and went to bed, while he sat down to the table
and set to work on the plans.

"We fellows have no time for sleep," he said in a low voice when I
had got into bed and shut my eyes. "When a man has a wife and two
children he can't think of sleep. One must think now of food and
clothes and saving for the future. And I have two of them, a little
son and a daughter. . . . The boy, little rascal, has a jolly little
face. He's not six yet, and already he shows remarkable abilities,
I assure you. . . . I have their photographs here, somewhere. . . .
Ah, my children, my children!"

He rummaged among his papers, found their photographs, and began
looking at them. I fell asleep.

I was awakened by the barking of Azorka and loud voices. Von
Schtenberg with bare feet and ruffled hair was standing in the
doorway dressed in his underclothes, talking loudly with some one
. . . . It was getting light. A gloomy dark blue dawn was peeping
in at the door, at the windows, and through the crevices in the hut
walls, and casting a faint light on my bed, on the table with the
papers, and on Ananyev. Stretched on the floor on a cloak, with a
leather pillow under his head, the engineer lay asleep with his
fleshy, hairy chest uppermost; he was snoring so loudly that I
pitied the student from the bottom of my heart for having to sleep
in the same room with him every night.

"Why on earth are we to take them?" shouted Von Schtenberg. "It has
nothing to do with us! Go to Tchalisov! From whom do the cauldrons
come?"

"From Nikitin . . ." a bass voice answered gruffly.

"Well, then, take them to Tchalisov. . . . That's not in our
department. What the devil are you standing there for? Drive on!"

"Your honour, we have been to Tchalisov already," said the bass
voice still more gruffly. "Yesterday we were the whole day looking
for him down the line, and were told at his hut that he had gone
to the Dymkovsky section. Please take them, your honour! How much
longer are we to go carting them about? We go carting them on and
on along the line, and see no end to it."

"What is it?" Ananyev asked huskily, waking up and lifting his head
quickly.

"They have brought some cauldrons from Nikitin's," said the student,
"and he is begging us to take them. And what business is it of ours
to take them?"

"Do be so kind, your honour, and set things right! The horses have
been two days without food and the master, for sure, will be angry.
Are we to take them back, or what? The railway ordered the cauldrons,
so it ought to take them. . . ."

"Can't you understand, you blockhead, that it has nothing to do
with us? Go on to Tchalisov!"

"What is it? Who's there?" Ananyev asked huskily again. "Damnation
take them all," he said, getting up and going to the door. "What
is it?"

I dressed, and two minutes later went out of the hut. Ananyev and
the student, both in their underclothes and barefooted, were angrily
and impatiently explaining to a peasant who was standing before
them bare-headed, with his whip in his hand, apparently not
understanding them. Both faces looked preoccupied with workaday
cares.

"What use are your cauldrons to me," shouted Ananyev. "Am I to put
them on my head, or what? If you can't find Tchalisov, find his
assistant, and leave us in peace!"

Seeing me, the student probably recalled the conversation of the
previous night. The workaday expression vanished from his sleepy
face and a look of mental inertia came into it. He waved the peasant
off and walked away absorbed in thought.

It was a cloudy morning. On the line where the lights had been
gleaming the night before, the workmen, just roused from sleep,
were swarming. There was a sound of voices and the squeaking of
wheelbarrows. The working day was beginning. One poor little nag
harnessed with cord was already plodding towards the embankment,
tugging with its neck, and dragging along a cartful of sand.

I began saying good-bye. . . . A great deal had been said in the
night, but I carried away with me no answer to any question, and
in the morning, of the whole conversation there remained in my
memory, as in a filter, only the lights and the image of Kisotchka.
As I got on the horse, I looked at the student and Ananyev for the
last time, at the hysterical dog with the lustreless, tipsy-looking
eyes, at the workmen flitting to and fro in the morning fog, at the
embankment, at the little nag straining with its neck, and thought:

"There is no making out anything in this world."

And when I lashed my horse and galloped along the line, and when a
little later I saw nothing before me but the endless gloomy plain
and the cold overcast sky, I recalled the questions which were
discussed in the night. I pondered while the sun-scorched plain,
the immense sky, the oak forest, dark on the horizon and the hazy
distance, seemed saying to me:

"Yes, there's no understanding anything in this world!"

The sun began to rise. . . .


A STORY WITHOUT AN END

SOON after two o'clock one night, long ago, the cook, pale and
agitated, rushed unexpectedly into my study and informed me that
Madame Mimotih, the old woman who owned the house next door, was
sitting in her kitchen.

"She begs you to go in to her, sir . . ." said the cook, panting.
"Something bad has happened about her lodger. . . . He has shot
himself or hanged himself. . . ."

"What can I do?" said I. "Let her go for the doctor or for the
police!"

"How is she to look for a doctor! She can hardly breathe, and she
has huddled under the stove, she is so frightened. . . . You had
better go round, sir."

I put on my coat and hat and went to Madame Mimotih's house. The
gate towards which I directed my steps was open. After pausing
beside it, uncertain what to do, I went into the yard without feeling
for the porter's bell. In the dark and dilapidated porch the door
was not locked. I opened it and walked into the entry. Here there
was not a glimmer of light, it was pitch dark, and, moreover, there
was a marked smell of incense. Groping my way out of the entry I
knocked my elbow against something made of iron, and in the darkness
stumbled against a board of some sort which almost fell to the
floor. At last the door covered with torn baize was found, and I
went into a little hall.

I am not at the moment writing a fairy tale, and am far from intending
to alarm the reader, but the picture I saw from the passage was
fantastic and could only have been drawn by death. Straight before
me was a door leading to a little drawing-room. Three five-kopeck
wax candles, standing in a row, threw a scanty light on the faded
slate-coloured wallpaper. A coffin was standing on two tables in
the middle of the little room. The two candles served only to light
up a swarthy yellow face with a half-open mouth and sharp nose.
Billows of muslin were mingled in disorder from the face to the
tips of the two shoes, and from among the billows peeped out two
pale motionless hands, holding a wax cross. The dark gloomy corners
of the little drawing-room, the ikons behind the coffin, the coffin
itself, everything except the softly glimmering lights, were still
as death, as the tomb itself.

"How strange!" I thought, dumbfoundered by the unexpected panorama
of death. "Why this haste? The lodger has hardly had time to hang
himself, or shoot himself, and here is the coffin already!"

I looked round. On the left there was a door with a glass panel;
on the right a lame hat-stand with a shabby fur coat on it. . . .

"Water. . . ." I heard a moan.

The moan came from the left, beyond the door with the glass panel.
I opened the door and walked into a little dark room with a solitary
window, through which there came a faint light from a street lamp
outside.

"Is anyone here?" I asked.

And without waiting for an answer I struck a match. This is what I
saw while it was burning. A man was sitting on the blood-stained
floor at my very feet. If my step had been a longer one I should
have trodden on him. With his legs thrust forward and his hands
pressed on the floor, he was making an effort to raise his handsome
face, which was deathly pale against his pitch-black beard. In the
big eyes which he lifted upon me, I read unutterable terror, pain,
and entreaty. A cold sweat trickled in big drops down his face.
That sweat, the expression of his face, the trembling of the hands
he leaned upon, his hard breathing and his clenched teeth, showed
that he was suffering beyond endurance. Near his right hand in a
pool of blood lay a revolver.

"Don't go away," I heard a faint voice when the match had gone out.
"There's a candle on the table."

I lighted the candle and stood still in the middle of the room not
knowing what to do next. I stood and looked at the man on the floor,
and it seemed to me that I had seen him before.

"The pain is insufferable," he whispered, "and I haven't the strength
to shoot myself again. Incomprehensible lack of will."

I flung off my overcoat and attended to the sick man. Lifting him
from the floor like a baby, I laid him on the American-leather
covered sofa and carefully undressed him. He was shivering and cold
when I took off his clothes; the wound which I saw was not in keeping
either with his shivering nor the expression on his face. It was a
trifling one. The bullet had passed between the fifth and sixth
ribs on the left side, only piercing the skin and the flesh. I found
the bullet itself in the folds of the coat-lining near the back
pocket. Stopping the bleeding as best I could and making a temporary
bandage of a pillow-case, a towel, and two handkerchiefs, I gave
the wounded man some water and covered him with a fur coat that was
hanging in the passage. We neither of us said a word while the
bandaging was being done. I did my work while he lay motionless
looking at me with his eyes screwed up as though he were ashamed
of his unsuccessful shot and the trouble he was giving me.

"Now I must trouble you to lie still," I said, when I had finished
the bandaging, "while I run to the chemist and get something."

"No need!" he muttered, clutching me by the sleeve and opening his
eyes wide.

I read terror in his eyes. He was afraid of my going away.

"No need! Stay another five minutes . . . ten. If it doesn't disgust
you, do stay, I entreat you."

As he begged me he was trembling and his teeth were chattering. I
obeyed, and sat down on the edge of the sofa. Ten minutes passed
in silence. I sat silent, looking about the room into which fate
had brought me so unexpectedly. What poverty! This man who was the
possessor of a handsome, effeminate face and a luxuriant well-tended
beard, had surroundings which a humble working man would not have
envied. A sofa with its American-leather torn and peeling, a humble
greasy-looking chair, a table covered with a little of paper, and
a wretched oleograph on the wall, that was all I saw. Damp, gloomy,
and grey.

"What a wind!" said the sick man, without opening his eyes, "How
it whistles!"

"Yes," I said. "I say, I fancy I know you. Didn't you take part in
some private theatricals in General Luhatchev's villa last year?"

"What of it?" he asked, quickly opening his eyes.

A cloud seemed to pass over his face.

"I certainly saw you there. Isn't your name Vassilyev?"

"If it is, what of it? It makes it no better that you should know
me."

"No, but I just asked you."

Vassilyev closed his eyes and, as though offended, turned his face
to the back of the sofa.

"I don't understand your curiosity," he muttered. "You'll be asking
me next what it was drove me to commit suicide!"

Before a minute had passed, he turned round towards me again, opened
his eyes and said in a tearful voice:

"Excuse me for taking such a tone, but you'll admit I'm right! To
ask a convict how he got into prison, or a suicide why he shot
himself is not generous . . . and indelicate. To think of gratifying
idle curiosity at the expense of another man's nerves!"

"There is no need to excite yourself. . . . It never occurred to
me to question you about your motives."

"You would have asked. . . . It's what people always do. Though it
would be no use to ask. If I told you, you would not believe or
understand. . . . I must own I don't understand it myself. . . .
There are phrases used in the police reports and newspapers such
as: 'unrequited love,' and 'hopeless poverty,' but the reasons are
not known. . . . They are not known to me, nor to you, nor to your
newspaper offices, where they have the impudence to write 'The diary
of a suicide.' God alone understands the state of a man's soul when
he takes his own life; but men know nothing about it."

"That is all very nice," I said, "but you oughtn't to talk. . . ."

But my suicide could not be stopped, he leaned his head on his fist,
and went on in the tone of some great professor:

"Man will never understand the psychological subtleties of suicide!
How can one speak of reasons? To-day the reason makes one snatch
up a revolver, while to-morrow the same reason seems not worth a
rotten egg. It all depends most likely on the particular condition
of the individual at the given moment. . . . Take me for instance.
Half an hour ago, I had a passionate desire for death, now when the
candle is lighted, and you are sitting by me, I don't even think
of the hour of death. Explain that change if you can! Am I better
off, or has my wife risen from the dead? Is it the influence of the
light on me, or the presence of an outsider?"

"The light certainly has an influence . . ." I muttered for the
sake of saying something. "The influence of light on the organism
. . . ."

"The influence of light. . . . We admit it! But you know men do
shoot themselves by candle-light! And it would be ignominious indeed
for the heroes of your novels if such a trifling thing as a candle
were to change the course of the drama so abruptly. All this nonsense
can be explained perhaps, but not by us. It's useless to ask questions
or give explanations of what one does not understand. . . ."

"Forgive me," I said, "but . . . judging by the expression of your
face, it seems to me that at this moment you . . . are posing."

"Yes," Vassilyev said, startled. "It's very possible! I am naturally
vain and fatuous. Well, explain it, if you believe in your power
of reading faces! Half an hour ago I shot myself, and just now I
am posing. . . . Explain that if you can."

These last words Vassilyev pronounced in a faint, failing voice.
He was exhausted, and sank into silence. A pause followed. I began
scrutinising his face. It was as pale as a dead man's. It seemed
as though life were almost extinct in him, and only the signs of
the suffering that the "vain and fatuous" man was feeling betrayed
that it was still alive. It was painful to look at that face, but
what must it have been for Vassilyev himself who yet had the strength
to argue and, if I were not mistaken, to pose?

"You here--are you here?" he asked suddenly, raising himself on
his elbow. "My God, just listen!"

I began listening. The rain was pattering angrily on the dark window,
never ceasing for a minute. The wind howled plaintively and
lugubriously.

"'And I shall be whiter than snow, and my ears will hear gladness
and rejoicing.'" Madame Mimotih, who had returned, was reading in
the drawing-room in a languid, weary voice, neither raising nor
dropping the monotonous dreary key.

"It is cheerful, isn't it?" whispered Vassilyev, turning his
frightened eyes towards me. "My God, the things a man has to see
and hear! If only one could set this chaos to music! As Hamlet says,
'it would--

"Confound the ignorant, and amaze indeed,
The very faculties of eyes and ears."

How well I should have understood that music then! How I should
have felt it! What time is it?"

"Five minutes to three."

"Morning is still far off. And in the morning there's the funeral.
A lovely prospect! One follows the coffin through the mud and rain.
One walks along, seeing nothing but the cloudy sky and the wretched
scenery. The muddy mutes, taverns, woodstacks. . . . One's trousers
drenched to the knees. The never-ending streets. The time dragging
out like eternity, the coarse people. And on the heart a stone, a
stone!"

After a brief pause he suddenly asked: "Is it long since you saw
General Luhatchev?"

"I haven't seen him since last summer."

"He likes to be cock of the walk, but he is a nice little old chap.
And are you still writing?"

"Yes, a little."

"Ah. . . . Do you remember how I pranced about like a needle, like
an enthusiastic ass at those private theatricals when I was courting
Zina? It was stupid, but it was good, it was fun. . . . The very
memory of it brings back a whiff of spring. . . . And now! What a
cruel change of scene! There is a subject for you! Only don't you
go in for writing 'the diary of a suicide.' That's vulgar and
conventional. You make something humorous of it."

"Again you are . . . posing," I said. "There's nothing humorous in
your position."

"Nothing laughable? You say nothing laughable?" Vassilyev sat up,
and tears glistened in his eyes. An expression of bitter distress
came into his pale face. His chin quivered.

"You laugh at the deceit of cheating clerks and faithless wives,"
he said, "but no clerk, no faithless wife has cheated as my fate
has cheated me! I have been deceived as no bank depositor, no duped
husband has ever been deceived! Only realise what an absurd fool I
have been made! Last year before your eyes I did not know what to
do with myself for happiness. And now before your eyes. . . ."

Vassilyev's head sank on the pillow and he laughed.

"Nothing more absurd and stupid than such a change could possibly
be imagined. Chapter one: spring, love, honeymoon . . . honey, in
fact; chapter two: looking for a job, the pawnshop, pallor, the
chemist's shop, and . . . to-morrow's splashing through the mud to
the graveyard."

He laughed again. I felt acutely uncomfortable and made up my mind
to go.

"I tell you what," I said, "you lie down, and I will go to the
chemist's."

He made no answer. I put on my great-coat and went out of his room.
As I crossed the passage I glanced at the coffin and Madame Mimotih
reading over it. I strained my eyes in vain, I could not recognise
in the swarthy, yellow face Zina, the lively, pretty _ingénue_ of
Luhatchev's company.

"_Sic transit_," I thought.

With that I went out, not forgetting to take the revolver, and made
my way to the chemist's. But I ought not to have gone away. When I
came back from the chemist's, Vassilyev lay on the sofa fainting.
The bandages had been roughly torn off, and blood was flowing from
the reopened wound. It was daylight before I succeeded in restoring
him to consciousness. He was raving in delirium, shivering, and
looking with unseeing eyes about the room till morning had come,
and we heard the booming voice of the priest as he read the service
over the dead.

When Vassilyev's rooms were crowded with old women and mutes, when
the coffin had been moved and carried out of the yard, I advised
him to remain at home. But he would not obey me, in spite of the
pain and the grey, rainy morning. He walked bareheaded and in silence
behind the coffin all the way to the cemetery, hardly able to move
one leg after the other, and from time to time clutching convulsively
at his wounded side. His face expressed complete apathy. Only once
when I roused him from his lethargy by some insignificant question
he shifted his eyes over the pavement and the grey fence, and for
a moment there was a gleam of gloomy anger in them.

"'Weelright,'" he read on a signboard. "Ignorant, illiterate
people, devil take them!"

I led him home from the cemetery.

                              ----

Only one year has passed since that night, and Vassilyev has hardly
had time to wear out the boots in which he tramped through the mud
behind his wife's coffin.

At the present time as I finish this story, he is sitting in my
drawing-room and, playing on the piano, is showing the ladies how
provincial misses sing sentimental songs. The ladies are laughing,
and he is laughing too. He is enjoying himself.

I call him into my study. Evidently not pleased at my taking him
from agreeable company, he comes to me and stands before me in the
attitude of a man who has no time to spare. I give him this story,
and ask him to read it. Always condescending about my authorship,
he stifles a sigh, the sigh of a lazy reader, sits down in an
armchair and begins upon it.

"Hang it all, what horrors," he mutters with a smile.

But the further he gets into the reading, the graver his face
becomes. At last, under the stress of painful memories, he turns
terribly pale, he gets up and goes on reading as he stands. When
he has finished he begins pacing from corner to corner.

"How does it end?" I ask him.

"How does it end? H'm. . . ."

He looks at the room, at me, at himself. . . . He sees his new
fashionable suit, hears the ladies laughing and . . . sinking on a
chair, begins laughing as he laughed on that night.

"Wasn't I right when I told you it was all absurd? My God! I have
had burdens to bear that would have broken an elephant's back; the
devil knows what I have suffered--no one could have suffered more,
I think, and where are the traces? It's astonishing. One would have
thought the imprint made on a man by his agonies would have been
everlasting, never to be effaced or eradicated. And yet that imprint
wears out as easily as a pair of cheap boots. There is nothing left,
not a scrap. It's as though I hadn't been suffering then, but had
been dancing a mazurka. Everything in the world is transitory, and
that transitoriness is absurd! A wide field for humorists! Tack on
a humorous end, my friend!"

"Pyotr Nikolaevitch, are you coming soon?" The impatient ladies
call my hero.

"This minute," answers the "vain and fatuous" man, setting his tie
straight. "It's absurd and pitiful, my friend, pitiful and absurd,
but what's to be done? _Homo sum_. . . . And I praise Mother Nature
all the same for her transmutation of substances. If we retained
an agonising memory of toothache and of all the terrors which every
one of us has had to experience, if all that were everlasting, we
poor mortals would have a bad time of it in this life."

I look at his smiling face and I remember the despair and the horror
with which his eyes were filled a year ago when he looked at the
dark window. I see him, entering into his habitual rôle of intellectual
chatterer, prepare to show off his idle theories, such as the
transmutation of substances before me, and at the same time I recall
him sitting on the floor in a pool of blood with his sick imploring
eyes.

"How will it end?" I ask myself aloud.

Vassilyev, whistling and straightening his tie, walks off into the
drawing-room, and I look after him, and feel vexed. For some reason
I regret his past sufferings, I regret all that I felt myself on
that man's account on that terrible night. It is as though I had
lost something. . . .


MARI D'ELLE

IT was a free night. Natalya Andreyevna Bronin (her married name
was Nikitin), the opera singer, is lying in her bedroom, her whole
being abandoned to repose. She lies, deliciously drowsy, thinking
of her little daughter who lives somewhere far away with her
grandmother or aunt. . . . The child is more precious to her than
the public, bouquets, notices in the papers, adorers . . . and she
would be glad to think about her till morning. She is happy, at
peace, and all she longs for is not to be prevented from lying
undisturbed, dozing and dreaming of her little girl.

All at once the singer starts, and opens her eyes wide: there is a
harsh abrupt ring in the entry. Before ten seconds have passed the
bell tinkles a second time and a third time. The door is opened
noisily and some one walks into the entry stamping his feet like a
horse, snorting and puffing with the cold.

"Damn it all, nowhere to hang one's coat!" the singer hears a husky
bass voice. "Celebrated singer, look at that! Makes five thousand
a year, and can't get a decent hat-stand!"

"My husband!" thinks the singer, frowning. "And I believe he has
brought one of his friends to stay the night too. . . . Hateful!"

No more peace. When the loud noise of some one blowing his nose and
putting off his goloshes dies away, the singer hears cautious
footsteps in her bedroom. . . . It is her husband, _mari d'elle_,
Denis Petrovitch Nikitin. He brings a whiff of cold air and a smell
of brandy. For a long while he walks about the bedroom, breathing
heavily, and, stumbling against the chairs in the dark, seems to
be looking for something. . . .

"What do you want?" his wife moans, when she is sick of his fussing
about. "You have woken me."

"I am looking for the matches, my love. You . . . you are not asleep
then? I have brought you a message. . . . Greetings from that . . .
what's-his-name? . . . red-headed fellow who is always sending
you bouquets. . . . Zagvozdkin. . . . I have just been to see him."

"What did you go to him for?"

"Oh, nothing particular. . . . We sat and talked and had a drink.
Say what you like, Nathalie, I dislike that individual--I dislike
him awfully! He is a rare blockhead. He is a wealthy man, a capitalist;
he has six hundred thousand, and you would never guess it. Money
is no more use to him than a radish to a dog. He does not eat it
himself nor give it to others. Money ought to circulate, but he
keeps tight hold of it, is afraid to part with it. . . . What's the
good of capital lying idle? Capital lying idle is no better than
grass."

_Mari d'elle_ gropes his way to the edge of the bed and, puffing,
sits down at his wife's feet.

"Capital lying idle is pernicious," he goes on. "Why has business
gone downhill in Russia? Because there is so much capital lying
idle among us; they are afraid to invest it. It's very different
in England. . . . There are no such queer fish as Zagvozdkin in
England, my girl. . . . There every farthing is in circulation
. . . . Yes. . . . They don't keep it locked up in chests there
. . . ."

"Well, that's all right. I am sleepy."

"Directly. . . . Whatever was it I was talking about? Yes. . . .
In these hard times hanging is too good for Zagvozdkin. . . . He
is a fool and a scoundrel. . . . No better than a fool. If I asked
him for a loan without security--why, a child could see that he
runs no risk whatever. He doesn't understand, the ass! For ten
thousand he would have got a hundred. In a year he would have another
hundred thousand. I asked, I talked . . . but he wouldn't give it
me, the blockhead."

"I hope you did not ask him for a loan in my name."

"H'm. . . . A queer question. . . ." _Mari d'elle_ is offended.
"Anyway he would sooner give me ten thousand than you. You are a
woman, and I am a man anyway, a business-like person. And what a
scheme I propose to him! Not a bubble, not some chimera, but a sound
thing, substantial! If one could hit on a man who would understand,
one might get twenty thousand for the idea alone! Even you would
understand if I were to tell you about it. Only you . . . don't
chatter about it . . . not a word . . . but I fancy I have talked
to you about it already. Have I talked to you about sausage-skins?"

"M'm . . . by and by."

"I believe I have. . . . Do you see the point of it? Now the provision
shops and the sausage-makers get their sausage-skins locally, and
pay a high price for them. Well, but if one were to bring sausage-skins
from the Caucasus where they are worth nothing, and where they are
thrown away, then . . . where do you suppose the sausage-makers
would buy their skins, here in the slaughterhouses or from me? From
me, of course! Why, I shall sell them ten times as cheap! Now let
us look at it like this: every year in Petersburg and Moscow and
in other centres these same skins would be bought to the . . . to
the sum of five hundred thousand, let us suppose. That's the minimum.
Well, and if. . . ."

"You can tell me to-morrow . . . later on. . . ."

"Yes, that's true. You are sleepy, _pardon_, I am just going . . .
say what you like, but with capital you can do good business
everywhere, wherever you go. . . . With capital even out of cigarette
ends one may make a million. . . . Take your theatrical business
now. Why, for example, did Lentovsky come to grief? It's very simple.
He did not go the right way to work from the very first. He had no
capital and he went headlong to the dogs. . . . He ought first to
have secured his capital, and then to have gone slowly and cautiously
. . . . Nowadays, one can easily make money by a theatre, whether it
is a private one or a people's one. . . . If one produces the right
plays, charges a low price for admission, and hits the public fancy,
one may put a hundred thousand in one's pocket the first year. . . .
You don't understand, but I am talking sense. . . . You see you
are fond of hoarding capital; you are no better than that fool
Zagvozdkin, you heap it up and don't know what for. . . . You won't
listen, you don't want to. . . . If you were to put it into
circulation, you wouldn't have to be rushing all over the place
. . . . You see for a private theatre, five thousand would be enough
for a beginning. . . . Not like Lentovsky, of course, but on a
modest scale in a small way. I have got a manager already, I have
looked at a suitable building. . . . It's only the money I haven't
got. . . . If only you understood things you would have parted with
your Five per cents . . . your Preference shares. . . ."

"No, _merci_. . . . You have fleeced me enough already. . . . Let
me alone, I have been punished already. . . ."

"If you are going to argue like a woman, then of course . . ." sighs
Nikitin, getting up. "Of course. . . ."

"Let me alone. . . . Come, go away and don't keep me awake. . . .
I am sick of listening to your nonsense."

"H'm. . . . To be sure . . . of course! Fleeced. . . plundered. . . .
What we give we remember, but we don't remember what we take."

"I have never taken anything from you."

"Is that so? But when we weren't a celebrated singer, at whose
expense did we live then? And who, allow me to ask, lifted you out
of beggary and secured your happiness? Don't you remember that?"

"Come, go to bed. Go along and sleep it off."

"Do you mean to say you think I am drunk? . . . if I am so low in
the eyes of such a grand lady. . . I can go away altogether."

"Do. A good thing too."

"I will, too. I have humbled myself enough. And I will go."

"Oh, my God! Oh, do go, then! I shall be delighted!"

"Very well, we shall see."

Nikitin mutters something to himself, and, stumbling over the chairs,
goes out of the bedroom. Then sounds reach her from the entry of
whispering, the shuffling of goloshes and a door being shut. _Mari
d'elle_ has taken offence in earnest and gone out.

"Thank God, he has gone!" thinks the singer. "Now I can sleep."

And as she falls asleep she thinks of her _mari d'elle_, what sort
of a man he is, and how this affliction has come upon her. At one
time he used to live at Tchernigov, and had a situation there as a
book-keeper. As an ordinary obscure individual and not the _mari
d'elle_, he had been quite endurable: he used to go to his work and
take his salary, and all his whims and projects went no further
than a new guitar, fashionable trousers, and an amber cigarette-holder.
Since he had become "the husband of a celebrity" he was completely
transformed. The singer remembered that when first she told him she
was going on the stage he had made a fuss, been indignant, complained
to her parents, turned her out of the house. She had been obliged
to go on the stage without his permission. Afterwards, when he
learned from the papers and from various people that she was earning
big sums, he had 'forgiven her,' abandoned book-keeping, and become
her hanger-on. The singer was overcome with amazement when she
looked at her hanger-on: when and where had he managed to pick up
new tastes, polish, and airs and graces? Where had he learned the
taste of oysters and of different Burgundies? Who had taught him
to dress and do his hair in the fashion and call her 'Nathalie'
instead of Natasha?"

"It's strange," thinks the singer. "In old days he used to get his
salary and put it away, but now a hundred roubles a day is not
enough for him. In old days he was afraid to talk before schoolboys
for fear of saying something silly, and now he is overfamiliar even
with princes . . . wretched, contemptible little creature!"

But then the singer starts again; again there is the clang of the
bell in the entry. The housemaid, scolding and angrily flopping
with her slippers, goes to open the door. Again some one comes in
and stamps like a horse.

"He has come back!" thinks the singer. "When shall I be left in
peace? It's revolting!" She is overcome by fury.

"Wait a bit. . . . I'll teach you to get up these farces! You shall
go away. I'll make you go away!"

The singer leaps up and runs barefoot into the little drawing-room
where her _mari_ usually sleeps. She comes at the moment when he
is undressing, and carefully folding his clothes on a chair.

"You went away!" she says, looking at him with bright eyes full of
hatred. "What did you come back for?"

Nikitin remains silent, and merely sniffs.

"You went away! Kindly take yourself off this very minute! This
very minute! Do you hear?"

_Mari d'elle_ coughs and, without looking at his wife, takes off
his braces.

"If you don't go away, you insolent creature, I shall go," the
singer goes on, stamping her bare foot, and looking at him with
flashing eyes. "I shall go! Do you hear, insolent . . . worthless
wretch, flunkey, out you go!"

"You might have some shame before outsiders," mutters her husband
. . . .

The singer looks round and only then sees an unfamiliar countenance
that looks like an actor's. . . . The countenance, seeing the
singer's uncovered shoulders and bare feet, shows signs of
embarrassment, and looks ready to sink through the floor.

"Let me introduce . . ." mutters Nikitin, "Bezbozhnikov, a provincial
manager."

The singer utters a shriek, and runs off into her bedroom.

"There, you see . . ." says _mari d'elle_, as he stretches himself
on the sofa, "it was all honey just now . . . my love, my dear, my
darling, kisses and embraces . . . but as soon as money is touched
upon, then. . . . As you see . . . money is the great thing. . . .
Good night!"

A minute later there is a snore.


A LIVING CHATTEL

GROHOLSKY embraced Liza, kept kissing one after another all her
little fingers with their bitten pink nails, and laid her on the
couch covered with cheap velvet. Liza crossed one foot over the
other, clasped her hands behind her head, and lay down.

Groholsky sat down in a chair beside her and bent over. He was
entirely absorbed in contemplation of her.

How pretty she seemed to him, lighted up by the rays of the setting
sun!

There was a complete view from the window of the setting sun, golden,
lightly flecked with purple.

The whole drawing-room, including Liza, was bathed by it with
brilliant light that did not hurt the eyes, and for a little while
covered with gold.

Groholsky was lost in admiration. Liza was so incredibly beautiful.
It is true her little kittenish face with its brown eyes, and turn
up nose was fresh, and even piquant, his scanty hair was black as
soot and curly, her little figure was graceful, well proportioned
and mobile as the body of an electric eel, but on the whole. . . .
However my taste has nothing to do with it. Groholsky who was spoilt
by women, and who had been in love and out of love hundreds of times
in his life, saw her as a beauty. He loved her, and blind love finds
ideal beauty everywhere.

"I say," he said, looking straight into her eyes, "I have come to
talk to you, my precious. Love cannot bear anything vague or
indefinite. . . . Indefinite relations, you know, I told you
yesterday, Liza . . . we will try to-day to settle the question we
raised yesterday. Come, let us decide together. . . ."

"What are we to do?"

Liza gave a yawn and scowling, drew her right arm from under her
head.

"What are we to do?" she repeated hardly audibly after Groholsky.

"Well, yes, what are we to do? Come, decide, wise little head . . .
I love you, and a man in love is not fond of sharing. He is more
than an egoist. It is too much for me to go shares with your husband.
I mentally tear him to pieces, when I remember that he loves you
too. In the second place you love me. . . . Perfect freedom is an
essential condition for love. . . . And are you free? Are you not
tortured by the thought that that man towers for ever over your
soul? A man whom you do not love, whom very likely and quite
naturally, you hate. . . . That's the second thing. . . . And
thirdly. . . . What is the third thing? Oh yes. . . . We are deceiving
him and that . . . is dishonourable. Truth before everything, Liza.
Let us have done with lying!"

"Well, then, what are we to do?"

"You can guess. . . . I think it necessary, obligatory, to inform
him of our relations and to leave him, to begin to live in freedom.
Both must be done as quickly as possible. . . . This very evening,
for instance. . . . It's time to make an end of it. Surely you must
be sick of loving like a thief?"

"Tell! tell Vanya?"

"Why, yes!"

"That's impossible! I told you yesterday, Michel, that it is
impossible."

"Why?"

"He will be upset. He'll make a row, do all sorts of unpleasant
things. . . . Don't you know what he is like? God forbid! There's
no need to tell him. What an idea!"

Groholsky passed his hand over his brow, and heaved a sigh.

"Yes," he said, "he will be more than upset. I am robbing him of
his happiness. Does he love you?"

"He does love me. Very much."

"There's another complication! One does not know where to begin.
To conceal it from him is base, telling him would kill him. . . .
Goodness knows what's one to do. Well, how is it to be?"

Groholsky pondered. His pale face wore a frown.

"Let us go on always as we are now," said Liza. "Let him find out
for himself, if he wants to."

"But you know that . . . is sinful, and besides the fact is you are
mine, and no one has the right to think that you do not belong to
me but to someone else! You are mine! I will not give way to anyone!
. . . I am sorry for him--God knows how sorry I am for him, Liza!
It hurts me to see him! But . . . it can't be helped after all. You
don't love him, do you? What's the good of your going on being
miserable with him? We must have it out! We will have it out with
him, and you will come to me. You are my wife, and not his. Let him
do what he likes. He'll get over his troubles somehow. . . . He is
not the first, and he won't be the last. . . . Will you run away?
Eh? Make haste and tell me! Will you run away?"

Liza got up and looked inquiringly at Groholsky.

"Run away?"

"Yes. . . . To my estate. . . . Then to the Crimea. . . . We will
tell him by letter. . . . We can go at night. There is a train at
half past one. Well? Is that all right?"

Liza scratched the bridge of her nose, and hesitated.

"Very well," she said, and burst into tears.

Patches of red came out of her cheeks, her eyes swelled, and tears
flowed down her kittenish face. . . .

"What is it?" cried Groholsky in a flutter. "Liza! what's the matter?
Come! what are you crying for? What a girl! Come, what is it?
Darling! Little woman!"

Liza held out her hands to Groholsky, and hung on his neck. There
was a sound of sobbing.

"I am sorry for him . . ." muttered Liza. "Oh, I am so sorry for
him!"

"Sorry for whom?"

"Va--Vanya. . . ."

"And do you suppose I'm not? But what's to be done? We are causing
him suffering. . . . He will be unhappy, will curse us . . . but
is it our fault that we love one another?"

As he uttered the last word, Groholsky darted away from Liza as
though he had been stung and sat down in an easy chair. Liza sprang
away from his neck and rapidly--in one instant--dropped on the
lounge.

They both turned fearfully red, dropped their eyes, and coughed.

A tall, broad-shouldered man of thirty, in the uniform of a government
clerk, had walked into the drawing-room. He had walked in unnoticed.
Only the bang of a chair which he knocked in the doorway had warned
the lovers of his presence, and made them look round. It was the
husband.

They had looked round too late.

He had seen Groholsky's arm round Liza's waist, and had seen Liza
hanging on Groholsky's white and aristocratic neck.

"He saw us!" Liza and Groholsky thought at the same moment, while
they did not know what to do with their heavy hands and embarrassed
eyes. . . .

The petrified husband, rosy-faced, turned white.

An agonising, strange, soul-revolting silence lasted for three
minutes. Oh, those three minutes! Groholsky remembers them to this
day.

The first to move and break the silence was the husband. He stepped
up to Groholsky and, screwing his face into a senseless grimace
like a smile, gave him his hand. Groholsky shook the soft perspiring
hand and shuddered all over as though he had crushed a cold frog
in his fist.

"Good evening," he muttered.

"How are you?" the husband brought out in a faint husky, almost
inaudible voice, and he sat down opposite Groholsky, straightening
his collar at the back of his neck.

Again, an agonising silence followed . . . but that silence was no
longer so stupid. . . . The first step, most difficult and colourless,
was over.

All that was left now was for one of the two to depart in search
of matches or on some such trifling errand. Both longed intensely
to get away. They sat still, not looking at one another, and pulled
at their beards while they ransacked their troubled brains for some
means of escape from their horribly awkward position. Both were
perspiring. Both were unbearably miserable and both were devoured
by hatred. They longed to begin the tussle but how were they to
begin and which was to begin first? If only she would have gone
out!

"I saw you yesterday at the Assembly Hall," muttered Bugrov (that
was the husband's name).

"Yes, I was there . . . the ball . . . did you dance?"

"M'm . . . yes . . . with that . . . with the younger Lyukovtsky
. . . . She dances heavily. . . . She dances impossibly. She is a
great chatterbox." (Pause.) "She is never tired of talking."

"Yes. . . . It was slow. I saw you too. . ."

Groholsky accidentally glanced at Bugrov. . . . He caught the
shifting eyes of the deceived husband and could not bear it. He got
up quickly, quickly seized Bugrov's hand, shook it, picked up his
hat, and walked towards the door, conscious of his own back. He
felt as though thousands of eyes were looking at his back. It is a
feeling known to the actor who has been hissed and is making his
exit from the stage, and to the young dandy who has received a blow
on the back of the head and is being led away in charge of a
policeman.

As soon as the sound of Groholsky's steps had died away and the
door in the hall creaked, Bugrov leapt up, and after making two or
three rounds of the drawing-room, strolled up to his wife. The
kittenish face puckered up and began blinking its eyes as though
expecting a slap. Her husband went up to her, and with a pale,
distorted face, with arms, head, and shoulders shaking, stepped on
her dress and knocked her knees with his.

"If, you wretched creature," he began in a hollow, wailing voice,
"you let him come here once again, I'll. . . . Don't let him dare
to set his foot. . . . I'll kill you. Do you understand? A-a-ah
. . . worthless creature, you shudder! Fil-thy woman!"

Bugrov seized her by the elbow, shook her, and flung her like an
indiarubber ball towards the window. . . .

"Wretched, vulgar woman! you have no shame!"

She flew towards the window, hardly touching the floor with her
feet, and caught at the curtains with her hands.

"Hold your tongue," shouted her husband, going up to her with
flashing eyes and stamping his foot.

She did hold her tongue, she looked at the ceiling, and whimpered
while her face wore the expression of a little girl in disgrace
expecting to be punished.

"So that's what you are like! Eh? Carrying on with a fop! Good! And
your promise before the altar? What are you? A nice wife and mother.
Hold your tongue!"

And he struck her on her pretty supple shoulder. "Hold your tongue,
you wretched creature. I'll give you worse than that! If that
scoundrel dares to show himself here ever again, if I see
you--listen!--with that blackguard ever again, don't ask for mercy!
I'll kill you, if I go to Siberia for it! And him too. I shouldn't
think twice about it! You can go, I don't want to see you!"

Bugrov wiped his eyes and his brow with his sleeve and strode about
the drawing-room, Liza sobbing more and more loudly, twitching her
shoulders and her little turned up nose, became absorbed in examining
the lace on the curtain.

"You are crazy," her husband shouted. "Your silly head is full of
nonsense! Nothing but whims! I won't allow it, Elizaveta, my girl!
You had better be careful with me! I don't like it! If you want to
behave like a pig, then . . . then out you go, there is no place
in my house for you! Out you pack if. . . . You are a wife, so you
must forget these dandies, put them out of your silly head! It's
all foolishness! Don't let it happen again! You try defending
yourself! Love your husband! You have been given to your husband,
so you must love him. Yes, indeed! Is one not enough? Go away till
. . . . Torturers!"

Bugrov paused; then shouted:

"Go away I tell you, go to the nursery! Why are you blubbering, it
is your own fault, and you blubber! What a woman! Last year you
were after Petka Totchkov, now you are after this devil. Lord forgive
us! . . . Tfoo, it's time you understood what you are! A wife! A
mother! Last year there were unpleasantnesses, and now there will
be unpleasantnesses. . . . Tfoo!"

Bugrov heaved a loud sigh, and the air was filled with the smell
of sherry. He had come back from dining and was slightly drunk
. . . .

"Don't you know your duty? No! . . . you must be taught, you've not
been taught so far! Your mamma was a gad-about, and you . . . you
can blubber. Yes! blubber away. . . ."

Bugrov went up to his wife and drew the curtain out of her hands.

"Don't stand by the window, people will see you blubbering. . . .
Don't let it happen again. You'll go from embracing to worse trouble.
You'll come to grief. Do you suppose I like to be made a fool of?
And you will make a fool of me if you carry on with them, the low
brutes. . . . Come, that's enough. . . . Don't you. . . . Another
time. . . . Of course I . . Liza . . . stay. . . ."

Bugrov heaved a sigh and enveloped Liza in the fumes of sherry.

"You are young and silly, you don't understand anything. . . . I
am never at home. . . . And they take advantage of it. You must be
sensible, prudent. They will deceive you. And then I won't endure
it. . . . Then I may do anything. . . . Of course! Then you can
just lie down, and die. I . . . I am capable of doing anything if
you deceive me, my good girl. I might beat you to death. . . . And
. . . I shall turn you out of the house, and then you can go to
your rascals."

And Bugrov (_horribile dictu_) wiped the wet, tearful face of the
traitress Liza with his big soft hand. He treated his twenty-year-old
wife as though she were a child.

"Come, that's enough. . . . I forgive you. Only God forbid it should
happen again! I forgive you for the fifth time, but I shall not
forgive you for the sixth, as God is holy. God does not forgive
such as you for such things."

Bugrov bent down and put out his shining lips towards Liza's little
head. But the kiss did not follow. The doors of the hall, of the
dining-room, of the parlour, and of the drawing-room all slammed,
and Groholsky flew into the drawing-room like a whirlwind. He was
pale and trembling. He was flourishing his arms and crushing his
expensive hat in his hands. His coat fluttered upon him as though
it were on a peg. He was the incarnation of acute fever. When Bugrov
saw him he moved away from his wife and began looking out of the
other window. Groholsky flew up to him, and waving his arms and
breathing heavily and looking at no one, he began in a shaking
voice:

"Ivan Petrovitch! Let us leave off keeping up this farce with one
another! We have deceived each other long enough! It's too much! I
cannot stand it. You must do as you like, but I cannot! It's hateful
and mean, it's revolting! Do you understand that it is revolting?"

Groholsky spluttered and gasped for breath.

"It's against my principles. And you are an honest man. I love her!
I love her more than anything on earth! You have noticed it and
. . . it's my duty to say this!"

"What am I to say to him?" Ivan Petrovitch wondered.

"We must make an end of it. This farce cannot drag on much longer!
It must be settled somehow."

Groholsky drew a breath and went on:

"I cannot live without her; she feels the same. You are an educated
man, you will understand that in such circumstances your family
life is impossible. This woman is not yours, so . . . in short, I
beg you to look at the matter from an indulgent humane point of
view. . . . Ivan Petrovitch, you must understand at last that I
love her--love her more than myself, more than anything in the
world, and to struggle against that love is beyond my power!"

"And she?" Bugrov asked in a sullen, somewhat ironical tone.

"Ask her; come now, ask her! For her to live with a man she does
not love, to live with you is . . . is a misery!"

"And she?" Bugrov repeated, this time not in an ironical tone.

"She . . . she loves me! We love each other, Ivan Petrovitch! Kill
us, despise us, pursue us, do as you will, but we can no longer
conceal it from you. We are standing face to face--you may judge
us with all the severity of a man whom we . . . whom fate has robbed
of happiness!"

Bugrov turned as red as a boiled crab, and looked out of one eye
at Liza. He began blinking. His fingers, his lips, and his eyelids
twitched. Poor fellow! The eyes of his weeping wife told him that
Groholsky was right, that it was a serious matter.

"Well!" he muttered. "If you. . . . In these days. . . . You are
always. . . ."

"As God is above," Groholsky shrilled in his high tenor, "we
understand you. Do you suppose we have no sense, no feeling? I know
what agonies I am causing you, as God's above! But be indulgent, I
beseech you! We are not to blame. Love is not a crime. No will can
struggle against it. . . . Give her up to me, Ivan Petrovitch! Let
her go with me! Take from me what you will for your sufferings.
Take my life, but give me Liza. I am ready to do anything. . . .
Come, tell me how I can do something to make up in part at least!
To make up for that lost happiness, I can give you other happiness.
I can, Ivan Petrovitch; I am ready to do anything! It would be base
on my part to leave you without satisfaction. . . . I understand
you at this moment."

Bugrov waved his hand as though to say, 'For God's sake, go away.'
His eyes began to be dimmed by a treacherous moisture--in a moment
they would see him crying like a child.

"I understand you, Ivan Petrovitch. I will give you another happiness,
such as hitherto you have not known. What would you like? I have
money, my father is an influential man. . . . Will you? Come, how
much do you want?"

Bugrov's heart suddenly began throbbing. . . . He clutched at the
window curtains with both hands. . . .

"Will you have fifty thousand? Ivan Petrovitch, I entreat you. . . .
It's not a bribe, not a bargain. . . . I only want by a sacrifice
on my part to atone a little for your inevitable loss. Would you
like a hundred thousand? I am willing. A hundred thousand?"

My God! Two immense hammers began beating on the perspiring temples
of the unhappy Ivan Petrovitch. Russian sledges with tinkling bells
began racing in his ears. . . .

"Accept this sacrifice from me," Groholsky went on, "I entreat you!
You will take a load off my conscience. . . . I implore you!"

My God! A smart carriage rolled along the road wet from a May shower,
passed the window through which Bugrov's wet eyes were looking. The
horses were fine, spirited, well-trained beasts. People in straw
hats, with contented faces, were sitting in the carriage with long
fishing-rods and bags. . . . A schoolboy in a white cap was holding
a gun. They were driving out into the country to catch fish, to
shoot, to walk about and have tea in the open air. They were driving
to that region of bliss in which Bugrov as a boy--the barefoot,
sunburnt, but infinitely happy son of a village deacon--had once
raced about the meadows, the woods, and the river banks. Oh, how
fiendishly seductive was that May! How happy those who can take off
their heavy uniforms, get into a carriage and fly off to the country
where the quails are calling and there is the scent of fresh hay.
Bugrov's heart ached with a sweet thrill that made him shiver. A
hundred thousand! With the carriage there floated before him all
the secret dreams over which he had gloated, through the long years
of his life as a government clerk as he sat in the office of his
department or in his wretched little study. . . . A river, deep,
with fish, a wide garden with narrow avenues, little fountains,
shade, flowers, arbours, a luxurious villa with terraces and turrets
with an Aeolian harp and little silver bells (he had heard of the
existence of an Aeolian harp from German romances); a cloudless
blue sky; pure limpid air fragrant with the scents that recall his
hungry, barefoot, crushed childhood. . . . To get up at five, to
go to bed at nine; to spend the day catching fish, talking with the
peasants. . . . What happiness!

"Ivan Petrovitch, do not torture me! Will you take a hundred
thousand?"

"H'm . . . a hundred and fifty thousand!" muttered Bugrov in a
hollow voice, the voice of a husky bull. He muttered it, and bowed
his head, ashamed of his words, and awaiting the answer.

"Good," said Groholsky, "I agree. I thank you, Ivan Petrovitch
. . . . In a minute. . . . I will not keep you waiting. . . ."

Groholsky jumped up, put on his hat, and staggering backwards, ran
out of the drawing-room.

Bugrov clutched the window curtains more tightly than ever. . . .
He was ashamed . . . . There was a nasty, stupid feeling in his
soul, but, on the other hand, what fair shining hopes swarmed between
his throbbing temples! He was rich!

Liza, who had grasped nothing of what was happening, darted through
the half-opened door trembling all over and afraid that he would
come to her window and fling her away from it. She went into the
nursery, laid herself down on the nurse's bed, and curled herself
up. She was shivering with fever.

Bugrov was left alone. He felt stifled, and he opened the window.
What glorious air breathed fragrance on his face and neck! It would
be good to breathe such air lolling on the cushions of a carriage
. . . . Out there, far beyond the town, among the villages and the
summer villas, the air was sweeter still. . . . Bugrov actually
smiled as he dreamed of the air that would be about him when he
would go out on the verandah of his villa and admire the view. A
long while he dreamed. . . . The sun had set, and still he stood
and dreamed, trying his utmost to cast out of his mind the image
of Liza which obstinately pursued him in all his dreams.

"I have brought it, Ivan Petrovitch!" Groholsky, re-entering,
whispered above his ear. "I have brought it--take it. . . . Here
in this roll there are forty thousand. . . . With this cheque will
you kindly get twenty the day after to-morrow from Valentinov? . . .
 Here is a bill of exchange . . . a cheque. . . . The remaining
thirty thousand in a day or two. . . . My steward will bring it to
you."

Groholsky, pink and excited, with all his limbs in motion, laid
before Bugrov a heap of rolls of notes and bundles of papers. The
heap was big, and of all sorts of hues and tints. Never in the
course of his life had Bugrov seen such a heap. He spread out his
fat fingers and, not looking at Groholsky, fell to going through
the bundles of notes and bonds. . . .

Groholsky spread out all the money, and moved restlessly about the
room, looking for the Dulcinea who had been bought and sold.

Filling his pockets and his pocket-book, Bugrov thrust the securities
into the table drawer, and, drinking off half a decanter full of
water, dashed out into the street.

"Cab!" he shouted in a frantic voice.

At half-past eleven that night he drove up to the entrance of the
Paris Hotel. He went noisily upstairs and knocked at the door of
Groholsky's apartments. He was admitted. Groholsky was packing his
things in a portmanteau, Liza was sitting at the table trying on
bracelets. They were both frightened when Bugrov went in to them.
They fancied that he had come for Liza and had brought back the
money which he had taken in haste without reflection. But Bugrov
had not come for Liza. Ashamed of his new get-up and feeling
frightfully awkward in it, he bowed and stood at the door in the
attitude of a flunkey. The get-up was superb. Bugrov was unrecognisable.
His huge person, which had never hitherto worn anything but a
uniform, was clothed in a fresh, brand-new suit of fine French cloth
and of the most fashionable cut. On his feet spats shone with
sparkling buckles. He stood ashamed of his new get-up, and with his
right hand covered the watch-chain for which he had, an hour before,
paid three hundred roubles.

"I have come about something," he began. "A business agreement is
beyond price. I am not going to give up Mishutka. . . ."

"What Mishutka?" asked Groholsky.

"My son."

Groholsky and Liza looked at each other. Liza's eyes bulged, her
cheeks flushed, and her lips twitched. . . .

"Very well," she said.

She thought of Mishutka's warm little cot. It would be cruel to
exchange that warm little cot for a chilly sofa in the hotel, and
she consented.

"I shall see him," she said.

Bugrov bowed, walked out, and flew down the stairs in his splendour,
cleaving the air with his expensive cane. . . .

"Home," he said to the cabman. "I am starting at five o'clock
to-morrow morning. . . . You will come; if I am asleep, you will
wake me. We are driving out of town."

II

It was a lovely August evening. The sun, set in a golden background
lightly flecked with purple, stood above the western horizon on the
point of sinking behind the far-away tumuli. In the garden, shadows
and half-shadows had vanished, and the air had grown damp, but the
golden light was still playing on the tree-tops. . . . It was warm.
. . . Rain had just fallen, and made the fresh, transparent fragrant
air still fresher.

I am not describing the August of Petersburg or Moscow, foggy,
tearful, and dark, with its cold, incredibly damp sunsets. God
forbid! I am not describing our cruel northern August. I ask the
reader to move with me to the Crimea, to one of its shores, not far
from Feodosia, the spot where stands the villa of one of our heroes.
It is a pretty, neat villa surrounded by flower-beds and clipped
bushes. A hundred paces behind it is an orchard in which its inmates
walk. . . . Groholsky pays a high rent for that villa, a thousand
roubles a year, I believe. . . . The villa is not worth that rent,
but it is pretty. . . . Tall, with delicate walls and very delicate
parapets, fragile, slender, painted a pale blue colour, hung with
curtains, _portières_, draperies, it suggests a charming, fragile
Chinese lady. . . .

On the evening described above, Groholsky and Liza were sitting on
the verandah of this villa. Groholsky was reading _Novoye Vremya_
and drinking milk out of a green mug. A syphon of Seltzer water was
standing on the table before him. Groholsky imagined that he was
suffering from catarrh of the lungs, and by the advice of Dr.
Dmitriev consumed an immense quantity of grapes, milk, and Seltzer
water. Liza was sitting in a soft easy chair some distance from the
table. With her elbows on the parapet, and her little face propped
on her little fists, she was gazing at the villa opposite. . . .
The sun was playing upon the windows of the villa opposite, the
glittering panes reflected the dazzling light. . . . Beyond the
little garden and the few trees that surrounded the villa there was
a glimpse of the sea with its waves, its dark blue colour, its
immensity, its white masts. . . . It was so delightful! Groholsky
was reading an article by Anonymous, and after every dozen lines
he raised his blue eyes to Liza's back. . . . The same passionate,
fervent love was shining in those eyes still. . . . He was infinitely
happy in spite of his imaginary catarrh of the lungs. . . . Liza
was conscious of his eyes upon her back, and was thinking of
Mishutka's brilliant future, and she felt so comfortable, so serene
. . . .

She was not so much interested by the sea, and the glittering
reflection on the windows of the villa opposite as by the waggons
which were trailing up to that villa one after another.

The waggons were full of furniture and all sorts of domestic articles.
Liza watched the trellis gates and big glass doors of the villa
being opened and the men bustling about the furniture and wrangling
incessantly. Big armchairs and a sofa covered with dark raspberry
coloured velvet, tables for the hall, the drawing-room and the
dining-room, a big double bed and a child's cot were carried in by
the glass doors; something big, wrapped up in sacking, was carried
in too. A grand piano, thought Liza, and her heart throbbed.

It was long since she had heard the piano, and she was so fond of
it. They had not a single musical instrument in their villa. Groholsky
and she were musicians only in soul, no more. There were a great
many boxes and packages with the words: "with care" upon them carried
in after the piano.

They were boxes of looking-glasses and crockery. A gorgeous and
luxurious carriage was dragged in, at the gate, and two white horses
were led in looking like swans.

"My goodness, what riches!" thought Liza, remembering her old pony
which Groholsky, who did not care for riding, had bought her for a
hundred roubles. Compared with those swan-like steeds, her pony
seemed to her no better than a bug. Groholsky, who was afraid of
riding fast, had purposely bought Liza a poor horse.

"What wealth!" Liza thought and murmured as she gazed at the noisy
carriers.

The sun hid behind the tumuli, the air began to lose its dryness
and limpidity, and still the furniture was being driven up and
hauled into the house. At last it was so dark that Groholsky left
off reading the newspaper while Liza still gazed and gazed.

"Shouldn't we light the lamp?" said Groholsky, afraid that a fly
might drop into his milk and be swallowed in the darkness.

"Liza! shouldn't we light the lamp? Shall we sit in darkness, my
angel?"

Liza did not answer. She was interested in a chaise which had driven
up to the villa opposite. . . . What a charming little mare was in
that chaise. Of medium size, not large, but graceful. . . . A
gentleman in a top hat was sitting in the chaise, a child about
three, apparently a boy, was sitting on his knees waving his little
hands. . . . He was waving his little hands and shouting with
delight.

Liza suddenly uttered a shriek, rose from her seat and lurched
forward.

"What is the matter?" asked Groholsky.

"Nothing. . . I only . . . I fancied. . . ."

The tall, broad-shouldered gentleman in the top hat jumped out of
the chaise, lifted the boy down, and with a skip and a hop ran gaily
in at the glass door. The door opened noisily and he vanished into
the darkness of the villa apartments.

Two smart footmen ran up to the horse in the chaise, and most
respectfully led it to the gate. Soon the villa opposite was lighted
up, and the clatter of plates, knives, and forks was audible. The
gentleman in the top hat was having his supper, and judging by the
duration of the clatter of crockery, his supper lasted long. Liza
fancied she could smell chicken soup and roast duck. After supper
discordant sounds of the piano floated across from the villa. In
all probability the gentleman in the top hat was trying to amuse
the child in some way, and allowing it to strum on it.

Groholsky went up to Liza and put his arm round her waist.

"What wonderful weather!" he said. "What air! Do you feel it? I am
very happy, Liza, very happy indeed. My happiness is so great that
I am really afraid of its destruction. The greatest things are
usually destroyed, and do you know, Liza, in spite of all my
happiness, I am not absolutely . . . at peace. . . . One haunting
thought torments me . . . it torments me horribly. It gives me no
peace by day or by night. . . ."

"What thought?"

"An awful thought, my love. I am tortured by the thought of your
husband. I have been silent hitherto. I have feared to trouble your
inner peace, but I cannot go on being silent. Where is he? What has
happened to him? What has become of him with his money? It is awful!
Every night I see his face, exhausted, suffering, imploring. . . .
Why, only think, my angel--can the money he so generously accepted
make up to him for you? He loved you very much, didn't he?"

"Very much!"

"There you see! He has either taken to drink now, or . . . I am
anxious about him! Ah, how anxious I am! Should we write to him,
do you think? We ought to comfort him . . . a kind word, you know."

Groholsky heaved a deep sigh, shook his head, and sank into an easy
chair exhausted by painful reflection. Leaning his head on his fists
he fell to musing. Judging from his face, his musings were painful.

"I am going to bed," said Liza; "it's time."

Liza went to her own room, undressed, and dived under the bedclothes.
She used to go to bed at ten o'clock and get up at ten. She was
fond of her comfort.

She was soon in the arms of Morpheus. Throughout the whole night
she had the most fascinating dreams. . . . She dreamed whole romances,
novels, Arabian Nights. . . . The hero of all these dreams was the
gentleman in the top hat, who had caused her to utter a shriek that
evening.

The gentleman in the top hat was carrying her off from Groholsky,
was singing, was beating Groholsky and her, was flogging the boy
under the window, was declaring his love, and driving her off in
the chaise. . . . Oh, dreams! In one night, lying with one's eyes
shut, one may sometimes live through more than ten years of happiness
. . . . That night Liza lived through a great variety of experiences,
and very happy ones, even in spite of the beating.

Waking up between six and seven, she flung on her clothes, hurriedly
did her hair, and without even putting on her Tatar slippers with
pointed toes, ran impulsively on to the verandah. Shading her eyes
from the sun with one hand, and with the other holding up her
slipping clothes, she gazed at the villa opposite. Her face beamed
. . . . There could be no further doubt it was he.

On the verandah in the villa opposite there was a table in front
of the glass door. A tea service was shining and glistening on the
table with a silver samovar at the head. Ivan Petrovitch was sitting
at the table. He had in his hand a glass in a silver holder, and
was drinking tea. He was drinking it with great relish. That fact
could be deduced from the smacking of his lips, the sound of which
reached Liza's ears. He was wearing a brown dressing-gown with black
flowers on it. Massive tassels fell down to the ground. It was the
first time in her life Liza had seen her husband in a dressing-gown,
and such an expensive-looking one.

Mishutka was sitting on one of his knees, and hindering him from
drinking his tea. The child jumped up and down and tried to clutch
his papa's shining lip. After every three or four sips the father
bent down to his son and kissed him on the head. A grey cat with
its tail in the air was rubbing itself against one of the table
legs, and with a plaintive mew proclaiming its desire for food.
Liza hid behind the verandah curtain, and fastened her eyes upon
the members of her former family; her face was radiant with joy.

"Misha!" she murmured, "Misha! Are you really here, Misha? The
darling! And how he loves Vanya! Heavens!"

And Liza went off into a giggle when Mishutka stirred his father's
tea with a spoon. "And how Vanya loves Misha! My darlings!"

Liza's heart throbbed, and her head went round with joy and happiness.
She sank into an armchair and went on observing them, sitting down.

"How did they come here?" she wondered as she sent airy kisses to
Mishutka. "Who gave them the idea of coming here? Heavens! Can all
that wealth belong to them? Can those swan-like horses that were
led in at the gate belong to Ivan Petrovitch? Ah!"

When he had finished his tea, Ivan Petrovitch went into the house.
Ten minutes later, he appeared on the steps and Liza was astounded
. . . . He, who in his youth only seven years ago had been called
Vanushka and Vanka and had been ready to punch a man in the face
and turn the house upside down over twenty kopecks, was dressed
devilishly well. He had on a broad-brimmed straw hat, exquisite
brilliant boots, a piqué waistcoat. . . . Thousands of suns, big
and little, glistened on his watch-chain. With much _chic_ he held
in his right hand his gloves and cane.

And what swagger, what style there was in his heavy figure when,
with a graceful motion of his hand, he bade the footman bring the
horse round.

He got into the chaise with dignity, and told the footmen standing
round the chaise to give him Mishutka and the fishing tackle they
had brought. Setting Mishutka beside him, and putting his left arm
round him, he held the reins and drove off.

"Ge-ee up!" shouted Mishutka.

Liza, unaware of what she was doing, waved her handkerchief after
them. If she had looked in the glass she would have been surprised
at her flushed, laughing, and, at the same time, tear-stained face.
She was vexed that she was not beside her gleeful boy, and that she
could not for some reason shower kisses on him at once.

For some reason! . . . Away with all your petty delicacies!

"Grisha! Grisha!" Liza ran into Groholsky's bedroom and set to work
to wake him. "Get up, they have come! The darling!"

"Who has come?" asked Groholsky, waking up.

"Our people . . . Vanya and Misha, they have come, they are in the
villa opposite. . . . I looked out, and there they were drinking
tea. . . . And Misha too. . . . What a little angel our Misha has
grown! If only you had seen him! Mother of God!"

"Seen whom? Why, you are. . . . Who has come? Come where?"

"Vanya and Misha. . . . I have been looking at the villa opposite,
while they were sitting drinking tea. Misha can drink his tea by
himself now. . . . Didn't you see them moving in yesterday, it was
they who arrived!"

Groholsky rubbed his forehead and turned pale.

"Arrived? Your husband?" he asked.

"Why, yes."

"What for?"

"Most likely he is going to live here. They don't know we are here.
If they did, they would have looked at our villa, but they drank
their tea and took no notice."

"Where is he now? But for God's sake do talk sense! Oh, where is
he?"

"He has gone fishing with Misha in the chaise. Did you see the
horses yesterday? Those are their horses . . . Vanya's . . . Vanya
drives with them. Do you know what, Grisha? We will have Misha to
stay with us. . . . We will, won't we? He is such a pretty boy.
Such an exquisite boy!"

Groholsky pondered, while Liza went on talking and talking.

"This is an unexpected meeting," said Groholsky, after prolonged
and, as usual, harrassing reflection. "Well, who could have expected
that we should meet here? Well. . . There it is. . . . So be it.
It seems that it is fated. I can imagine the awkwardness of his
position when he meets us."

"Shall we have Misha to stay with us?"

"Yes, we will. . . . It will be awkward meeting him. . . . Why,
what can I say to him? What can I talk of? It will be awkward for
him and awkward for me. . . . We ought not to meet. We will carry
on communications, if necessary, through the servants. . . . My
head does ache so, Lizotchka. My arms and legs too, I ache all over.
Is my head feverish?"

Liza put her hand on his forehead and found that his head was hot.

"I had dreadful dreams all night . . . I shan't get up to-day. I
shall stay in bed . . . I must take some quinine. Send me my breakfast
here, little woman."

Groholsky took quinine and lay in bed the whole day. He drank warm
water, moaned, had the sheets and pillowcase changed, whimpered,
and induced an agonising boredom in all surrounding him.

He was insupportable when he imagined he had caught a chill. Liza
had continually to interrupt her inquisitive observations and run
from the verandah to his room. At dinner-time she had to put on
mustard plasters. How boring all this would have been, O reader,
if the villa opposite had not been at the service of my heroine!
Liza watched that villa all day long and was gasping with happiness.

At ten o'clock Ivan Petrovitch and Mishutka came back from fishing
and had breakfast. At two o'clock they had dinner, and at four
o'clock they drove off somewhere in a carriage. The white horses
bore them away with the swiftness of lightning. At seven o'clock
visitors came to see them--all of them men. They were playing
cards on two tables in the verandah till midnight. One of the men
played superbly on the piano. The visitors played, ate, drank, and
laughed. Ivan Petrovitch guffawing loudly, told them an anecdote
of Armenian life at the top of his voice, so that all the villas
round could hear. It was very gay and Mishutka sat up with them
till midnight.

"Misha is merry, he is not crying," thought Liza, "so he does not
remember his mamma. So he has forgotten me!"

And there was a horrible bitter feeling in Liza's soul. She spent
the whole night crying. She was fretted by her little conscience,
and by vexation and misery, and the desire to talk to Mishutka and
kiss him. . . . In the morning she got up with a headache and
tear-stained eyes. Her tears Groholsky put down to his own account.

"Do not weep, darling," he said to her, "I am all right to-day, my
chest is a little painful, but that is nothing."

While they were having tea, lunch was being served at the villa
opposite. Ivan Petrovitch was looking at his plate, and seeing
nothing but a morsel of goose dripping with fat.

"I am very glad," said Groholsky, looking askance at Bugrov, "very
glad that his life is so tolerable! I hope that decent surroundings
anyway may help to stifle his grief. Keep out of sight, Liza! They
will see you . . . I am not disposed to talk to him just now . . .
God be with him! Why trouble his peace?"

But the dinner did not pass off so quietly. During dinner precisely
that "awkward position" which Groholsky so dreaded occurred. Just
when the partridges, Groholsky's favorite dish, had been put on the
table, Liza was suddenly overcome with confusion, and Groholsky
began wiping his face with his dinner napkin. On the verandah of
the villa opposite they saw Bugrov. He was standing with his arms
leaning on the parapet, and staring straight at them, with his eyes
starting out of his head.

"Go in, Liza, go in," Groholsky whispered. "I said we must have
dinner indoors! What a girl you are, really. . . ."

Bugrov stared and stared, and suddenly began shouting. Groholsky
looked at him and saw a face full of astonishment. . . .

"Is that you?" bawled Ivan Petrovitch, "you! Are you here too?"

Groholsky passed his fingers from one shoulder to another, as though
to say, "My chest is weak, and so I can't shout across such a
distance." Liza's heart began throbbing, and everything turned round
before her eyes. Bugrov ran from his verandah, ran across the road,
and a few seconds later was standing under the verandah on which
Groholsky and Liza were dining. Alas for the partridges!

"How are you?" he began, flushing crimson, and stuffing his big
hands in his pockets. "Are you here? Are you here too?"

"Yes, we are here too. . . ."

"How did you get here?"

"Why, how did you?"

"I? It's a long story, a regular romance, my good friend! But don't
put yourselves out--eat your dinner! I've been living, you know,
ever since then . . . in the Oryol province. I rented an estate. A
splendid estate! But do eat your dinner! I stayed there from the
end of May, but now I have given it up. . . . It was cold there,
and--well, the doctor advised me to go to the Crimea. . . ."

"Are you ill, then?" inquired Groholsky.

"Oh, well. . . . There always seems, as it were . . . something
gurgling here. . . ."

And at the word "here" Ivan Petrovitch passed his open hand from
his neck down to the middle of his stomach.

"So you are here too. . . . Yes . . . that's very pleasant. Have
you been here long?"

"Since July."

"Oh, and you, Liza, how are you? Quite well?"

"Quite well," answered Liza, and was embarrassed.

"You miss Mishutka, I'll be bound. Eh? Well, he's here with me. . . .
I'll send him over to you directly with Nikifor. This is very
nice. Well, good-bye! I have to go off directly. . . . I made the
acquaintance of Prince Ter-Haimazov yesterday; delightful man,
though he is an Armenian. So he has a croquet party to-day; we are
going to play croquet. . . . Good-bye! The carriage is waiting
. . . ."

Ivan Petrovitch whirled round, tossed his head, and, waving adieu
to them, ran home.

"Unhappy man," said Groholsky, heaving a deep sigh as he watched
him go off.

"In what way is he unhappy?" asked Liza.

"To see you and not have the right to call you his!"

"Fool!" Liza was so bold to think. "Idiot!"

Before evening Liza was hugging and kissing Mishutka. At first the
boy howled, but when he was offered jam, he was all friendly smiles.

For three days Groholsky and Liza did not see Bugrov. He had
disappeared somewhere, and was only at home at night. On the fourth
day he visited them again at dinner-time. He came in, shook hands
with both of them, and sat down to the table. His face was serious.

"I have come to you on business," he said. "Read this." And he
handed Groholsky a letter. "Read it! Read it aloud!"

Groholsky read as follows:

"My beloved and consoling, never-forgotten son Ioann! I have received
the respectful and loving letter in which you invite your aged
father to the mild and salubrious Crimea, to breathe the fragrant
air, and behold strange lands. To that letter I reply that on taking
my holiday, I will come to you, but not for long. My colleague,
Father Gerasim, is a frail and delicate man, and cannot be left
alone for long. I am very sensible of your not forgetting your
parents, your father and your mother. . . . You rejoice your father
with your affection, and you remember your mother in your prayers,
and so it is fitting to do. Meet me at Feodosia. What sort of town
is Feodosia--what is it like? It will be very agreeable to see
it. Your godmother, who took you from the font, is called Feodosia.
You write that God has been graciously pleased that you should win
two hundred thousand roubles. That is gratifying to me. But I cannot
approve of your having left the service while still of a grade of
little importance; even a rich man ought to be in the service. I
bless you always, now and hereafter. Ilya and Seryozhka Andronov
send you their greetings. You might send them ten roubles
each--they are badly off!

                                       "Your loving Father,

                                       "Pyotr Bugrov, _Priest._"

Groholsky read this letter aloud, and he and Liza both looked
inquiringly at Bugrov.

"You see what it is," Ivan Petrovitch began hesitatingly. "I should
like to ask you, Liza, not to let him see you, to keep out of his
sight while he is here. I have written to him that you are ill and
gone to the Caucasus for a cure. If you meet him. . . You see
yourself. . . . It's awkward. . . H'm. . . ."

"Very well," said Liza.

"We can do that," thought Groholsky, "since he makes sacrifices,
why shouldn't we?"

"Please do. . . . If he sees you there will be trouble. . . . My
father is a man of strict principles. He would curse me in seven
churches. Don't go out of doors, Liza, that is all. He won't be
here long. Don't be afraid."

Father Pyotr did not long keep them waiting. One fine morning Ivan
Petrovitch ran in and hissed in a mysterious tone:

"He has come! He is asleep now, so please be careful."

And Liza was shut up within four walls. She did not venture to go
out into the yard or on to the verandah. She could only see the sky
from behind the window curtain. Unluckily for her, Ivan Petrovitch's
papa spent his whole time in the open air, and even slept on the
verandah. Usually Father Pyotr, a little parish priest, in a brown
cassock and a top hat with a curly brim, walked slowly round the
villas and gazed with curiosity at the "strange lands" through his
grandfatherly spectacles. Ivan Petrovitch with the Stanislav on a
little ribbon accompanied him. He did not wear a decoration as a
rule, but before his own people he liked to show off. In their
society he always wore the Stanislav.

Liza was bored to death. Groholsky suffered too. He had to go for
his walks alone without a companion. He almost shed tears, but . . .
had to submit to his fate. And to make things worse, Bugrov would
run across every morning and in a hissing whisper would give some
quite unnecessary bulletin concerning the health of Father Pyotr.
He bored them with those bulletins.

"He slept well," he informed them. "Yesterday he was put out because
I had no salted cucumbers. . . He has taken to Mishutka; he keeps
patting him on the head."

At last, a fortnight later, little Father Pyotr walked for the last
time round the villas and, to Groholsky's immense relief, departed.
He had enjoyed himself, and went off very well satisfied. Liza and
Groholsky fell back into their old manner of life. Groholsky once
more blessed his fate. But his happiness did not last for long. A
new trouble worse than Father Pyotr followed. Ivan Petrovitch took
to coming to see them every day. Ivan Petrovitch, to be frank,
though a capital fellow, was a very tedious person. He came at
dinner-time, dined with them and stayed a very long time. That would
not have mattered. But they had to buy vodka, which Groholsky could
not endure, for his dinner. He would drink five glasses and talk
the whole dinner-time. That, too, would not have mattered. . . .
But he would sit on till two o'clock in the morning, and not let
them get to bed, and, worse still, he permitted himself to talk of
things about which he should have been silent. When towards two
o'clock in the morning he had drunk too much vodka and champagne,
he would take Mishutka in his arms, and weeping, say to him, before
Groholsky and Liza:

"Mihail, my son, what am I? I . . . am a scoundrel. I have sold
your mother! Sold her for thirty pieces of silver, may the Lord
punish me! Mihail Ivanitch, little sucking pig, where is your mother?
Lost! Gone! Sold into slavery! Well, I am a scoundrel."

These tears and these words turned Groholsky's soul inside out. He
would look timidly at Liza's pale face and wring his hands.

"Go to bed, Ivan Petrovitch," he would say timidly.

"I am going. . . . Come along, Mishutka. . . . The Lord be our
judge! I cannot think of sleep while I know that my wife is a slave
. . . . But it is not Groholsky's fault. . . . The goods were mine,
the money his. . . . Freedom for the free and Heaven for the saved."

By day Ivan Petrovitch was no less insufferable to Groholsky. To
Groholsky's intense horror, he was always at Liza's side. He went
fishing with her, told her stories, walked with her, and even on
one occasion, taking advantage of Groholsky's having a cold, carried
her off in his carriage, goodness knows where, and did not bring
her back till night!

"It's outrageous, inhuman," thought Groholsky, biting his lips.

Groholsky liked to be continually kissing Liza. He could not exist
without those honeyed kisses, and it was awkward to kiss her before
Ivan Petrovitch. It was agony. The poor fellow felt forlorn, but
fate soon had compassion on him. Ivan Petrovitch suddenly went off
somewhere for a whole week. Visitors had come and carried him off
with them . . . And Mishutka was taken too.

One fine morning Groholsky came home from a walk good-humoured and
beaming.

"He has come," he said to Liza, rubbing his hands. "I am very glad
he has come. Ha-ha-ha!"

"What are you laughing at?"

"There are women with him."

"What women?"

"I don't know. . . . It's a good thing he has got women. . . . A
capital thing, in fact. . . . He is still young and fresh. Come
here! Look!"

Groholsky led Liza on to the verandah, and pointed to the villa
opposite. They both held their sides, and roared with laughter. It
was funny. Ivan Petrovitch was standing on the verandah of the villa
opposite, smiling. Two dark-haired ladies and Mishutka were standing
below, under the verandah. The ladies were laughing, and loudly
talking French.

"French women," observed Groholsky. "The one nearest us isn't at
all bad-looking. Lively damsels, but that's no matter. There are
good women to be found even among such. . . . But they really do
go too far."

What was funny was that Ivan Petrovitch bent across the verandah,
and stretching with his long arms, put them round the shoulders of
one of the French girls, lifted her in the air, and set her giggling
on the verandah. After lifting up both ladies on to the verandah,
he lifted up Mishutka too. The ladies ran down and the proceedings
were repeated.

"Powerful muscles, I must say," muttered Groholsky looking at this
scene. The operation was repeated some six times, the ladies were
so amiable as to show no embarrassment whatever when the boisterous
wind disposed of their inflated skirts as it willed while they were
being lifted. Groholsky dropped his eyes in a shamefaced way when
the ladies flung their legs over the parapet as they reached the
verandah. But Liza watched and laughed! What did she care? It was
not a case of men misbehaving themselves, which would have put her,
as a woman, to shame, but of ladies.

In the evening, Ivan Petrovitch flew over, and with some embarrassment
announced that he was now a man with a household to look after . . . .

"You mustn't imagine they are just anybody," he said. "It is true
they are French. They shout at the top of their voices, and drink
. . . but we all know! The French are brought up to be like that!
It can't be helped. . . . The prince," Ivan Petrovitch added, "let
me have them almost for nothing. . . . He said: 'take them, take
them. . . .' I must introduce you to the prince sometime. A man of
culture! He's for ever writing, writing. . . . And do you know what
their names are? One is Fanny, the other Isabella. . . . There's
Europe, ha-ha-ha! . . . The west! Good-bye!"

Ivan Petrovitch left Liza and Groholsky in peace, and devoted himself
to his ladies. All day long sound of talk, laughter, and the clatter
of crockery came from his villa. . . . The lights were not put out
till far into the night. . . . Groholsky was in bliss. . . . At
last, after a prolonged interval of agony, he felt happy and at
peace again. Ivan Petrovitch with his two ladies had no such happiness
as he had with one. But alas, destiny has no heart. She plays with
the Groholskys, the Lizas, the Ivans, and the Mishutkas as with
pawns. . . . Groholsky lost his peace again. . . .

One morning, about ten days afterwards, on waking up late, he went
out on to the verandah and saw a spectacle which shocked him,
revolted him, and moved him to intense indignation. Under the
verandah of the villa opposite stood the French women, and between
them Liza. She was talking and looking askance at her own villa as
though to see whether that tyrant, that despot were awake (so
Groholsky interpreted those looks). Ivan Petrovitch standing on the
verandah with his sleeves tucked up, lifted Isabella into the air,
then Fanny, and then Liza. When he was lifting Liza it seemed to
Groholsky that he pressed her to himself. . . . Liza too flung one
leg over the parapet. . . . Oh these women! All sphinxes, every one
of them!

When Liza returned home from her husband's villa and went into the
bedroom on tip-toe, as though nothing had happened, Groholsky, pale,
with hectic flushes on his cheeks, was lying in the attitude of a
man at his last gasp and moaning.

On seeing Liza, he sprang out of bed, and began pacing about the
bedroom.

"So that's what you are like, is it?" he shrieked in a high tenor.
"So that's it! Very much obliged to you! It's revolting, madam!
Immoral, in fact! Let me tell you that!"

Liza turned pale, and of course burst into tears. When women feel
that they are in the right, they scold and shed tears; when they
are conscious of being in fault, they shed tears only.

"On a level with those depraved creatures! It's . . . it's . . .
it's . . . lower than any impropriety! Why, do you know what they
are? They are kept women! Cocottes! And you a respectable woman go
rushing off where they are. . . And he . . . He! What does he want?
What more does he want of me? I don't understand it! I have given
him half of my property--I have given him more! You know it
yourself! I have given him what I have not myself. . . . I have
given him almost all. . . . And he! I've put up with your calling
him Vanya, though he has no right whatever to such intimacy. I have
put up with your walks, kisses after dinner. . . . I have put up
with everything, but this I will not put up with. . . . Either he
or I! Let him go away, or I go away! I'm not equal to living like
this any longer, no! You can see that for yourself! . . . Either
he or I. . . . Enough! The cup is brimming over. . . . I have
suffered a great deal as it is. . . . I am going to talk to him at
once--this minute! What is he, after all? What has he to be proud
of? No, indeed. . . . He has no reason to think so much of himself
. . . ."

Groholsky said a great many more valiant and stinging things, but
did not "go at once"; he felt timid and abashed. . . . He went to
Ivan Petrovitch three days later.

When he went into his apartment, he gaped with astonishment. He was
amazed at the wealth and luxury with which Bugrov had surrounded
himself. Velvet hangings, fearfully expensive chairs. . . . One was
positively ashamed to step on the carpet. Groholsky had seen many
rich men in his day, but he had never seen such frenzied luxury. . . .
And the higgledy-piggledy muddle he saw when, with an inexplicable
tremor, he walked into the drawing-room--plates with bits of bread
on them were lying about on the grand piano, a glass was standing
on a chair, under the table there was a basket with a filthy rag
in it. . . . Nut shells were strewn about in the windows. Bugrov
himself was not quite in his usual trim when Groholsky walked in
. . . . With a red face and uncombed locks he was pacing about the
room in deshabille, talking to himself, apparently much agitated.
Mishutka was sitting on the sofa there in the drawing-room, and was
making the air vibrate with a piercing scream.

"It's awful, Grigory Vassilyevitch!" Bugrov began on seeing Groholsky,
"such disorder . . . such disorder . . . Please sit down. You must
excuse my being in the costume of Adam and Eve. . . . It's of no
consequence. . . . Horrible disorderliness! I don't understand how
people can exist here, I don't understand it! The servants won't
do what they are told, the climate is horrible, everything is
expensive. . . . Stop your noise," Bugrov shouted, suddenly coming
to a halt before Mishutka; "stop it, I tell you! Little beast, won't
you stop it?"

And Bugrov pulled Mishutka's ear.

"That's revolting, Ivan Petrovitch," said Groholsky in a tearful
voice. "How can you treat a tiny child like that? You really are. . ."

"Let him stop yelling then. . . . Be quiet--I'll whip you!"

"Don't cry, Misha darling. . . . Papa won't touch you again. Don't
beat him, Ivan Petrovitch; why, he is hardly more than a baby. . . .
There, there. . . . Would you like a little horse? I'll send you
a little horse. . . . You really are hard-hearted. . . ."

Groholsky paused, and then asked:

"And how are your ladies getting on, Ivan Petrovitch?"

"Not at all. I've turned them out without ceremony. I might have
gone on keeping them, but it's awkward. . . . The boy will grow up
. . . . A father's example. . . . If I were alone, then it would be
a different thing. . . . Besides, what's the use of my keeping them?
Poof . . . it's a regular farce! I talk to them in Russian, and
they answer me in French. They don't understand a thing--you can't
knock anything into their heads."

"I've come to you about something, Ivan Petrovitch, to talk things
over. . . . H'm. . . . It's nothing very particular. But just . . .
two or three words. . . . In reality, I have a favour to ask of
you."

"What's that?"

"Would you think it possible, Ivan Petrovitch, to go away? We are
delighted that you are here; it's very agreeable for us, but it's
inconvenient, don't you know. . . . You will understand me. It's
awkward in a way. . . . Such indefinite relations, such continual
awkwardness in regard to one another. . . . We must part. . . .
It's essential in fact. Excuse my saying so, but . . . you must see
for yourself, of course, that in such circumstances to be living
side by side leads to . . . reflections . . . that is . . . not to
reflections, but there is a certain awkward feeling. . . ."

"Yes. . . . That is so, I have thought of it myself. Very good, I
will go away."

"We shall be very grateful to you. . . . Believe me, Ivan Petrovitch,
we shall preserve the most flattering memory of you. The sacrifice
which you. . ."

"Very good. . . . Only what am I to do with all this? I say, you
buy this furniture of mine! What do you say? It's not expensive,
eight thousand . . . ten. . . . The furniture, the carriage, the
grand piano. . . ."

"Very good. . . . I will give you ten thousand. . . ."

"Well, that is capital! I will set off to-morrow. I shall go to
Moscow. It's impossible to live here. Everything is so dear! Awfully
dear! The money fairly flies. . . . You can't take a step without
spending a thousand! I can't go on like that. I have a child to
bring up. . . . Well, thank God that you will buy my furniture. . . .
That will be a little more in hand, or I should have been
regularly bankrupt. . . ."

Groholsky got up, took leave of Bugrov, and went home rejoicing.
In the evening he sent him ten thousand roubles.

Early next morning Bugrov and Mishutka were already at Feodosia.

III

Several months had passed; spring had come. With spring, fine bright
days had come too. Life was not so dull and hateful, and the earth
was more fair to look upon. . . . There was a warm breeze from the
sea and the open country. . . . The earth was covered with fresh
grass, fresh leaves were green upon the trees. Nature had sprung
into new life, and had put on new array.

It might be thought that new hopes and new desires would surge up
in man when everything in nature is renewed, and young and fresh
. . . but it is hard for man to renew life. . . .

Groholsky was still living in the same villa. His hopes and desires,
small and unexacting, were still concentrated on the same Liza, on
her alone, and on nothing else! As before, he could not take his
eyes off her, and gloated over the thought: how happy I am! The
poor fellow really did feel awfully happy. Liza sat as before on
the verandah, and unaccountably stared with bored eyes at the villa
opposite and the trees near it through which there was a peep at
the dark blue sea. . . . As before, she spent her days for the most
part in silence, often in tears and from time to time in putting
mustard plasters on Groholsky. She might be congratulated on one
new sensation, however. There was a worm gnawing at her vitals. . . .
That worm was misery. . . . She was fearfully miserable, pining
for her son, for her old, her cheerful manner of life. Her life in
the past had not been particularly cheerful, but still it was
livelier than her present existence. When she lived with her husband
she used from time to time to go to a theatre, to an entertainment,
to visit acquaintances. But here with Groholsky it was all quietness
and emptiness. . . . Besides, here there was one man, and he with
his ailments and his continual mawkish kisses, was like an old
grandfather for ever shedding tears of joy.

It was boring! Here she had not Mihey Sergeyitch who used to be
fond of dancing the mazurka with her. She had not Spiridon Nikolaitch,
the son of the editor of the _Provincial News_. Spiridon Nikolaitch
sang well and recited poetry. Here she had not a table set with
lunch for visitors. She had not Gerasimovna, the old nurse who used
to be continually grumbling at her for eating too much jam. . . .
She had no one! There was simply nothing for her but to lie down
and die of depression. Groholsky rejoiced in his solitude, but . . .
he was wrong to rejoice in it. All too soon he paid for his egoism.
At the beginning of May when the very air seemed to be in love and
faint with happiness, Groholsky lost everything; the woman he loved
and. . .

That year Bugrov, too, visited the Crimea. He did not take the villa
opposite, but pottered about, going from one town to another with
Mishutka. He spent his time eating, drinking, sleeping, and playing
cards. He had lost all relish for fishing, shooting and the French
women, who, between ourselves, had robbed him a bit. He had grown
thin, lost his broad and beaming smiles, and had taken to dressing
in canvas. Ivan Petrovitch from time to time visited Groholsky's
villa. He brought Liza jam, sweets, and fruit, and seemed trying
to dispel her ennui. Groholsky was not troubled by these visits,
especially as they were brief and infrequent, and were apparently
paid on account of Mishutka, who could not under any circumstances
have been altogether deprived of the privilege of seeing his mother.
Bugrov came, unpacked his presents, and after saying a few words,
departed. And those few words he said not to Liza but to Groholsky
. . . . With Liza he was silent and Groholsky's mind was at rest; but
there is a Russian proverb which he would have done well to remember:
"Don't fear the dog that barks, but fear the dog that's quiet. . . ."
A fiendish proverb, but in practical life sometimes indispensable.

As he was walking in the garden one day, Groholsky heard two voices
in conversation. One voice was a man's, the other was a woman's.
One belonged to Bugrov, the other to Liza. Groholsky listened, and
turning white as death, turned softly towards the speakers. He
halted behind a lilac bush, and proceeded to watch and listen. His
arms and legs turned cold. A cold sweat came out upon his brow. He
clutched several branches of the lilac that he might not stagger
and fall down. All was over!

Bugrov had his arm round Liza's waist, and was saying to her:

"My darling! what are we to do? It seems it was God's will. . . .
I am a scoundrel. . . . I sold you. I was seduced by that Herod's
money, plague take him, and what good have I had from the money?
Nothing but anxiety and display! No peace, no happiness, no position
. . . . One sits like a fat invalid at the same spot, and never a
step forwarder. . . . Have you heard that Andrushka Markuzin has
been made a head clerk? Andrushka, that fool! While I stagnate. . . .
Good heavens! I have lost you, I have lost my happiness. I am
a scoundrel, a blackguard, how do you think I shall feel at the
dread day of judgment?"

"Let us go away, Vanya," wailed Liza. "I am dull. . . . I am dying
of depression."

"We cannot, the money has been taken. . . ."

"Well, give it back again."

"I should be glad to, but . . . wait a minute. I have spent it all.
We must submit, my girl. God is chastising us. Me for my covetousness
and you for your frivolity. Well, let us be tortured. . . . It will
be the better for us in the next world."

And in an access of religious feeling, Bugrov turned up his eyes
to heaven.

"But I cannot go on living here; I am miserable."

"Well, there is no help for it. I'm miserable too. Do you suppose
I am happy without you? I am pining and wasting away! And my chest
has begun to be bad! . . . You are my lawful wife, flesh of my flesh
. . . one flesh. . . . You must live and bear it! While I . . .
will drive over . . . visit you."

And bending down to Liza, Bugrov whispered, loudly enough, however,
to be heard several yards away:

"I will come to you at night, Lizanka. . . . Don't worry. . . . I
am staying at Feodosia close by. . . . I will live here near you
till I have run through everything . . . and I soon shall be at my
last farthing! A-a-ah, what a life it is! Dreariness, ill . . . my
chest is bad, and my stomach is bad."

Bugrov ceased speaking, and then it was Liza's turn. . . . My God,
the cruelty of that woman! She began weeping, complaining, enumerating
all the defects of her lover and her own sufferings. Groholsky as
he listened to her, felt that he was a villain, a miscreant, a
murderer.

"He makes me miserable. . . ." Liza said in conclusion.

After kissing Liza at parting, and going out at the garden gate,
Bugrov came upon Groholsky, who was standing at the gate waiting
for him.

"Ivan Petrovitch," said Groholsky in the tone of a dying man, "I
have seen and heard it all. . . It's not honourable on your part,
but I do not blame you. . . . You love her too, but you must
understand that she is mine. Mine! I cannot live without her! How
is it you don't understand that? Granted that you love her, that
you are miserable. . . . Have I not paid you, in part at least, for
your sufferings? For God's sake, go away! For God's sake, go away!
Go away from here for ever, I implore you, or you will kill me. . . ."

"I have nowhere to go," Bugrov said thickly.

"H'm, you have squandered everything. . . . You are an impulsive
man. Very well. . . . Go to my estate in the province of Tchernigov.
If you like I will make you a present of the property. It's a small
estate, but a good one. . . . On my honour, it's a good one!"

Bugrov gave a broad grin. He suddenly felt himself in the seventh
heaven.

"I will give it you. . . . This very day I will write to my steward
and send him an authorisation for completing the purchase. You must
tell everyone you have bought it. . . . Go away, I entreat you."

"Very good, I will go. I understand."

"Let us go to a notary . . . at once," said Groholsky, greatly
cheered, and he went to order the carriage.

On the following evening, when Liza was sitting on the garden seat
where her rendezvous with Ivan Petrovitch usually took place,
Groholsky went quietly to her. He sat down beside her, and took her
hand.

"Are you dull, Lizotchka?" he said, after a brief silence. "Are you
depressed? Why shouldn't we go away somewhere? Why is it we always
stay at home? We want to go about, to enjoy ourselves, to make
acquaintances. . . . Don't we?"

"I want nothing," said Liza, and turned her pale, thin face towards
the path by which Bugrov used to come to her.

Groholsky pondered. He knew who it was she expected, who it was she
wanted.

"Let us go home, Liza," he said, "it is damp here. . . ."

"You go; I'll come directly."

Groholsky pondered again.

"You are expecting him?" he asked, and made a wry face as though
his heart had been gripped with red-hot pincers.

"Yes. . . . I want to give him the socks for Misha. . . ."

"He will not come."

"How do you know?"

"He has gone away. . . ."

Liza opened her eyes wide. . . .

"He has gone away, gone to the Tchernigov province. I have given
him my estate. . . ."

Liza turned fearfully pale, and caught at Groholsky's shoulder to
save herself from falling.

"I saw him off at the steamer at three o'clock."

Liza suddenly clutched at her head, made a movement, and falling
on the seat, began shaking all over.

"Vanya," she wailed, "Vanya! I will go to Vanya. . . . Darling!"

She had a fit of hysterics. . . .

And from that evening, right up to July, two shadows could be seen
in the park in which the summer visitors took their walks. The
shadows wandered about from morning till evening, and made the
summer visitors feel dismal. . . . After Liza's shadow invariably
walked the shadow of Groholsky. . . . I call them shadows because
they had both lost their natural appearance. They had grown thin
and pale and shrunken, and looked more like shadows than living
people. . . . Both were pining away like fleas in the classic
anecdote of the Jew who sold insect powder.

At the beginning of July, Liza ran away from Groholsky, leaving a
note in which she wrote that she was going for a time to "her son"
. . . For a time! She ran away by night when Groholsky was asleep
. . . . After reading her letter Groholsky spent a whole week wandering
round about the villa as though he were mad, and neither ate nor
slept. In August, he had an attack of recurrent fever, and in
September he went abroad. There he took to drink. . . . He hoped
in drink and dissipation to find comfort. . . . He squandered all
his fortune, but did not succeed, poor fellow, in driving out of
his brain the image of the beloved woman with the kittenish face
. . . . Men do not die of happiness, nor do they die of misery.
Groholsky's hair went grey, but he did not die: he is alive to this
day. . . . He came back from abroad to have "just a peep" at Liza
. . . . Bugrov met him with open arms, and made him stay for an
indefinite period. He is staying with Bugro

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